1
00:00:11,778 --> 00:00:14,508
HELLO, GOOD EVENING
AND WELCOME TO IT'S A LIVING.
2
00:00:14,547 --> 00:00:16,014
THE RULES ARE VERY SIMPLE.
3
00:00:16,049 --> 00:00:17,710
EACH WEEK WE GET A LARGE FEE.
4
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:19,742
AT THE END OF THAT WEEK
WE GET ANOTHER LARGE FEE.
5
00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:22,016
IF THERE'S BEEN NO INTERRUPTION
AT THE END OF THE YEAR
6
00:00:22,055 --> 00:00:23,283
WE GET A REPEAT FEE
7
00:00:23,323 --> 00:00:24,881
WHICH CAN BE ADDED ON
FOR TAX PURPOSES
8
00:00:24,924 --> 00:00:26,289
TO THE PREVIOUS YEAR
9
00:00:26,326 --> 00:00:28,317
OR THE FOLLOWING YEAR
IF THERE'S NO NEW SERIES.
10
00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:31,387
EVERY CONTESTANT, IN ADDITION
TO GETTING A LARGE FEE
11
00:00:31,431 --> 00:00:33,626
IS ENTITLED TO THREE DRINKS
AT THE BBC
12
00:00:33,666 --> 00:00:35,827
OR, IF THE SHOW IS OVER,
SEVEN DRINKS
13
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:37,336
UNLESS HE'S AN M.P.
14
00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:40,203
IN WHICH CASE HE CAN HAVE
SEVEN DRINKS BEFORE THE SHOW
15
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,231
OR A BISHOP
ONLY THREE DRINKS IN TOTO.
16
00:00:42,275 --> 00:00:44,641
THE WINNERS WILL RECEIVE
AN ADDITIONAL FEE
17
00:00:44,677 --> 00:00:46,542
A PRIZE WHICH THEY CAN FLOG BACK
18
00:00:46,579 --> 00:00:48,672
AND A SPECIAL FEE
FOR A GUEST APPEARANCE
19
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:49,909
ON LATE NIGHT LINEUP.
20
00:00:49,949 --> 00:00:52,076
WELL, THOSE ARE THE RULES,
THAT'S THE GAME
21
00:00:52,118 --> 00:00:54,177
WE'LL BE BACK AGAIN
SAME TIME NEXT WEEK.
22
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:55,209
TILL THEN, BYE-BYE.
23
00:01:01,161 --> 00:01:03,186
WELL, IT'S FIVE PAST NINE
24
00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:05,629
AND NEARLY TIME
FOR SIX PAST NINE.
25
00:01:05,665 --> 00:01:09,465
ON BBC 2 IT'LL SHORTLY BE
6½ MINUTES PAST NINE.
26
00:01:09,502 --> 00:01:11,970
LATER ON THIS EVENING,
IT'LL BE 10:00
27
00:01:12,038 --> 00:01:15,804
AND AT 10:30, WE'LL BE JOINING
BBC 2 IN TIME FOR 10:33.
28
00:01:15,842 --> 00:01:19,175
AND DON'T FORGET TOMORROW,
WHEN IT'LL BE 9:20.
29
00:01:19,212 --> 00:01:21,237
THOSE OF YOU
WHO MISSED 8:45 ON FRIDAY
30
00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:23,442
WILL BE ABLE TO SEE IT AGAIN
THIS FRIDAY
31
00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:24,575
AT A QUARTER TO NINE.
32
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:28,749
IT'S 6½ MINUTES
TO THE BIG GREEN THING.
33
00:01:28,788 --> 00:01:30,221
YOU'RE A LOONY.
34
00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:33,350
I GET SO BORED,
I GET SO BLOODY BORED.
35
00:01:35,795 --> 00:01:36,819
THIS WAY, PLEASE.
36
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:39,161
RIGHT-O, I'M COMING.
37
00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:43,965
YES, SIR...
THIS WAY, EH?
38
00:01:45,972 --> 00:01:47,963
BLOODY HELL,
WHERE ARE THE LIGHTS?
39
00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:52,605
OH, DAMN, WHERE ARE THEY?
40
00:01:52,645 --> 00:01:56,172
HOW DOES THIS TURN OFF?
41
00:01:56,216 --> 00:01:57,740
OH, I'M UNSTUCK.
42
00:01:59,819 --> 00:02:01,650
OH! AH! OH!
43
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,450
WHERE ARE THE LIGHTS?
44
00:02:04,491 --> 00:02:05,753
OH! OH, HERE THEY ARE.
45
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,385
OOH!
46
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:29,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
47
00:02:29,682 --> 00:02:31,673
YOU PROBABLY NOTICED
THAT I DIDN'T SAY
48
00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:34,653
"AND NOW FOR SOMETHING
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT" JUST NOW.
49
00:02:34,687 --> 00:02:36,985
THIS IS SIMPLY
BECAUSE I AM UNABLE
50
00:02:37,023 --> 00:02:39,287
TO APPEAR IN THE SHOW
THIS WEEK.
51
00:02:45,598 --> 00:02:47,293
SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOU.
52
00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:51,531
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY TO INTERRUPT,
BUT MY TOOTH'S HURTING
53
00:02:51,571 --> 00:02:52,868
JUST AROUND HERE.
54
00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,999
GET OFF!
55
00:02:55,041 --> 00:02:57,066
OH, SORRY.
56
00:02:57,143 --> 00:02:58,804
I'M NOT SORRY TO INTERRUPT.
57
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:00,278
I'LL INTERRUPT ANYTHING
58
00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:02,804
IF IT GETS PEOPLE
LOOKING IN MY DIRECTION
59
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:05,909
LIKE AT MY OLD SCHOOL WHERE,
BY A COINCIDENCE
60
00:03:05,952 --> 00:03:09,786
THE ANNUAL PRIZE-GIVING
IS GOING ON AT THIS VERY MOMENT.
61
00:03:17,330 --> 00:03:21,266
MY LORD MAYOR, LADY MAYORESS...
62
00:03:21,301 --> 00:03:26,796
IT GIVES ME VERY GREAT PLEASURE
TO RETURN TO MY OLD SCHOOL
63
00:03:26,839 --> 00:03:30,707
TO PRESENT THE PRIZES
IN THIS CENTENARY YEAR.
64
00:03:33,646 --> 00:03:37,548
THIS SCHOOL TAKES
VERY JUSTIFIABLE PRIDE
65
00:03:37,584 --> 00:03:40,018
IN ITS FINE RECORD OF...
66
00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:57,299
...SCHOLARSHIP
AND SPORTING ACHIEVEMENT...
67
00:04:02,342 --> 00:04:04,970
I'M... I'M AFRAID
THERE'S BEEN A MISTAKE.
68
00:04:05,011 --> 00:04:08,674
THE MAN WHO HAS BEEN SPEAKING
TO YOU IS AN IMPOSTOR.
69
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:12,310
HE IS NOT IN FACT
THE BISHOP OF EAST ANGLIA
70
00:04:12,352 --> 00:04:15,014
BUT A MAN WANTED
BY THE POLICE.
71
00:04:15,054 --> 00:04:16,783
I AM THE BISHOP
OF EAST ANGLIA
72
00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:20,452
AND ANYBODY WHO DOESN'T BELIEVE
ME CAN LOOK ME UP IN THE BOOK.
73
00:04:20,493 --> 00:04:25,021
NOW THEN, THE FIRST PRIZE IS
THIS BEAUTIFUL SILVER CUP
74
00:04:25,064 --> 00:04:27,157
WHICH HAS BEEN WON BY ME.
75
00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:30,162
NEXT WE COME
76
00:04:30,236 --> 00:04:33,330
TO THE FAIRFAX
ATKINSON TROPHY
77
00:04:33,373 --> 00:04:35,136
FOR OUTSTANDING
ACHIEVEMENT
78
00:04:35,174 --> 00:04:37,608
IN THE FIELD OF
APPLIED MATHEMATICS.
79
00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:39,839
WELL, THERE WAS
NO ONE THIS YEAR
80
00:04:39,879 --> 00:04:42,177
WHO REACHED THE
REQUIRED STANDARD
81
00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:43,705
AND SO IT GOES
IN MY SACK.
82
00:04:44,817 --> 00:04:46,910
AND BY AN OLD RULE OF THE SCHOOL
83
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:50,184
ALL THE OTHER SILVER TROPHIES
ALSO GO IN MY SACK...
84
00:04:55,428 --> 00:04:57,191
VELLY SOLLY FOR HOLD-UP.
85
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,822
NO PROBLEM NOW.
86
00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:04,428
ME, BISHOP OF EAST ANGLIA,
NOW PRESENT PRIZES.
87
00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:07,371
EYES DOWN FOR FIRST PRIZE...
88
00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:12,037
THE FYFFE-CHULMLEIGH SPOON
FOR LATIN ELEGIACS
89
00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:16,071
GOES TO...
PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF CHINA!
90
00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:20,117
GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY.
91
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,212
MY NAME'S BRADSHAW...
INSPECTOR ELIZABETH BRADSHAW...
92
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,880
OF THE SPECIAL BRANCH
SPEECH DAY SQUAD
93
00:05:23,923 --> 00:05:26,414
BUT I'D LIKE YOU TO THINK OF ME
AS THE BISHOP OF EAST ANGLIA
94
00:05:26,459 --> 00:05:28,188
AND I'D LIKE TO PRESENT
THE FIRST PRIZE...
95
00:05:28,227 --> 00:05:29,216
THE GRIMWADE GYNN...
96
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:37,363
LORD MAYOR, LADY MAYORESS,
MR. CHAIRMAN
97
00:05:37,403 --> 00:05:42,033
LADIES, GENTLEMEN AND BOYS,
PLEASE DO NOT PANIC.
98
00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:44,976
PLEASE KEEP YOUR HEADS
RIGHT DOWN NOW
99
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:48,970
AND AT THE BACK, PLEASE KEEP
YOUR HEADS RIGHT DOWN.
100
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:52,917
DO NOT PANIC, DON'T LOOK ROUND,
THIS BUILDING IS SURROUNDED.
101
00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:55,113
THERE IS NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.
102
00:05:55,154 --> 00:05:57,247
I AM THE BISHOP OF EAST ANGLIA.
103
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,257
NOW, THE FIRST PRIZE IS
104
00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:03,194
THE GRANVILLE CUP
FOR FRENCH UNSEEN TRANSLATION.
105
00:06:03,229 --> 00:06:06,892
AND IT GOES TO FORBES MINOR...
FORBES MINOR.
106
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:09,424
RIGHT, GIVE HIM COVERING FIRE.
107
00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:11,937
COME ON, FORBES, COME ON, BOY!
108
00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:14,235
COME AND GET IT, KEEP DOWN.
109
00:06:14,273 --> 00:06:15,262
WELL DONE.
110
00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:16,275
OH, BAD LUCK!
111
00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:17,503
THE NEXT PRIZE...
112
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:28,115
MR. L.F. DIBLEY'S
LATEST FILM, IF.
113
00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:32,456
MR. DIBLEY, SOME PEOPLE
HAVE DRAWN COMPARISONS
114
00:06:32,492 --> 00:06:33,857
BETWEEN YOUR FILM, IF
115
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:36,885
WHICH ENDS WITH A GUN BATTLE
AT A PUBLIC SCHOOL
116
00:06:36,929 --> 00:06:39,124
AND MR. LINDSAY
ANDERSON'S FILM, IF
117
00:06:39,165 --> 00:06:42,225
WHICH ENDS WITH A GUN BATTLE
AT A PUBLIC SCHOOL.
118
00:06:42,268 --> 00:06:43,565
OH, YES, WELL, I MEAN
119
00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:44,968
THERE WERE SOME PEOPLE
120
00:06:45,004 --> 00:06:47,472
WHO SAID MY FILM,
2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY
121
00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:49,498
WAS SIMILAR
TO STANLEY KUBRICK'S.
122
00:06:49,542 --> 00:06:52,602
I MEAN, THAT'S THE SORT
OF PETTY CRITICAL NIGGLING
123
00:06:52,645 --> 00:06:54,135
THAT'S DOGGED MY CAREER.
124
00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:55,579
IT MAKES ME SICK.
125
00:06:55,615 --> 00:06:58,641
I MEAN, AS SOON
AS I'D MADE MIDNIGHT COWBOY
126
00:06:58,684 --> 00:07:00,743
WITH THE VICAR AS RATSO RIZZO
127
00:07:00,787 --> 00:07:03,756
JOHN SCHLESINGER RUSHES OUT HIS
VERSION AND GETS IT PREMIERED
128
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:05,553
WHILE MINE'S STILL
AT THE CHEMIST'S.
129
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,796
WELL, WE HAVE WITH US TONIGHT
ONE OF YOUR FILMS, REAR WINDOW
130
00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:13,765
WHICH WAS TO BECOME SUCH
A SUCCESS FOR ALFRED HITCHCOCK
131
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:14,789
A FEW WEEKS LATER.
132
00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:16,324
NOW, THIS IS A SILENT FILM
133
00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:18,769
SO PERHAPS YOU COULD
TALK US THROUGH IT.
134
00:07:18,805 --> 00:07:21,330
YES, WELL,
LET'S SEE, NOW
135
00:07:21,407 --> 00:07:23,875
THERE'S
THE REAR WINDOW.
136
00:07:23,910 --> 00:07:26,470
THERE'S THE MAN LOOKING
OUT OF THE WINDOW.
137
00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:27,945
HE SEES THE MURDER.
138
00:07:27,980 --> 00:07:29,971
THE MURDERER'S COME INTO
THE ROOM TO KILL HIM
139
00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:31,916
BUT HE'S OUTWITTED HIM
AND HE'S ALL RIGHT.
140
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:32,940
THE END.
141
00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:36,220
I MEAN, ALFRED HITCHCOCK
142
00:07:36,255 --> 00:07:38,655
WHO'S SUPPOSED TO BE
SO BLOODY WONDERFUL
143
00:07:38,691 --> 00:07:40,522
PADDED THAT OUT TO 1½ HOURS.
144
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,152
LOST ALL
THE TENSION.
145
00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:44,288
JUST BECAUSE HE HAD
BLOODY GRACE KELLY
146
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:46,298
HE MADE £3 MILLION
MORE THAN I DID.
147
00:07:46,332 --> 00:07:48,300
MIND YOU,
AT LEAST SHE CAN ACT A BIT.
148
00:07:48,334 --> 00:07:51,030
I COULD HAVE DONE WITH HER
IN FINIAN'S RAINBOW.
149
00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:53,834
THE MAN FROM THE OFF-LICENSE
WAS TERRIBLE.
150
00:07:53,873 --> 00:07:57,639
A REAL FAILURE THAT WAS...
TEN SECONDS OF SOLID BOREDOM.
151
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:21,398
BLOODY TERRIBLE.
152
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:24,493
MR. L.F. DIBLEY'S
FINIAN'S RAINBOW.
153
00:08:24,537 --> 00:08:26,505
AND NOW OVER TO ME.
154
00:08:26,539 --> 00:08:28,268
EXCLUSIVELY ON THE PROGRAM TODAY
155
00:08:28,307 --> 00:08:31,105
WE HAVE THE FOREIGN SECRETARY,
WHO HAS JUST RETURNED
156
00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:33,611
FROM THE BITTER FIGHTING
IN THE GULF OF AMMAN.
157
00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:35,637
HE'S GOING TO TELL US
ABOUT CANOEING.
158
00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:55,324
THAT GIVES YOU JUST SOME IDEA
OF WHAT'S GOING ON OUT THERE.
159
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,859
TODAY SAW
THE LONG-AWAITED PUBLICATION
160
00:08:57,904 --> 00:09:00,065
OF THE PORTMAN
COMMITTEE'S REPORT
161
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:02,097
ON INDUSTRIAL REORGANIZATION.
162
00:09:02,141 --> 00:09:03,369
IT'S TAKEN FIVE YEARS TO PREPARE
163
00:09:03,409 --> 00:09:05,434
AND IT'S BOUND TO HAVE
AN ENORMOUS IMPACT
164
00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:08,140
ON THE FUTURE OF INDUSTRIAL
RELATIONS IN THIS COUNTRY.
165
00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:09,408
IN THE STUDIO TONIGHT
166
00:09:09,448 --> 00:09:11,439
LORD PORTMAN,
CHAIRMAN OF THE COMMITTEE
167
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:14,349
SIR CHARLES AVERY, EMPLOYERS'
REORGANIZATION COUNCIL
168
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:17,652
AND RAY MILLICHOPE, LEADER OF
THE ALLIED TECHNICIANS' UNION
169
00:09:17,690 --> 00:09:20,659
AND THEY'RE GOING TO MAKE
A HUMAN PYRAMID.
170
00:09:27,433 --> 00:09:30,368
BRA-VO!
171
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,633
NOW THE PRESIDENT
OF THE BOARD OF TRADE.
172
00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:39,302
GOOD EVENING.
173
00:09:46,819 --> 00:09:49,481
NOW HERE'S
THE VICE-CHAIRMAN OF I.C.I.
174
00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:51,956
GOOD EVENING.
175
00:10:00,466 --> 00:10:01,956
WELL, SO MUCH FOR POLITICS
176
00:10:02,001 --> 00:10:05,232
AND THE PROBLEMS OF BRITAIN'S
INDUSTRIAL REORGANIZATION.
177
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,831
NOW WE TURN
TO THE LIGHTER SUBJECT OF SPORT
178
00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:11,309
AND REG HARRIS, THE FORMER
WORLD CYCLING SPRINT CHAMPION
179
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:13,972
TALKS TO US ABOUT
THE PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS
180
00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:15,537
OF BIG RACE PREPARATION.
181
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:24,349
AND NOW THE WORLD OF SONG...
ANNE ZEIGLER AND WEBSTER BOOTH.
182
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,857
WELL, ALL GOOD THINGS
MUST COME TO AN END
183
00:10:33,899 --> 00:10:37,357
AND THAT'S ALL FOR THIS WEEK,
BUT TO CLOSE OUR PROGRAM
184
00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:41,305
DAME IRENE STOAT, WHO CELEBRATES
HER 85th BIRTHDAY THIS MONTH
185
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:43,535
READS ONE OF HER
MOST FAMOUS POEMS.
186
00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:47,672
"WHO SHALL DECLARE THIS GOOD,
THAT ILL
187
00:10:47,713 --> 00:10:54,016
"WHEN GOOD AND ILL SO INTERTWINE
BUT TO FULFILL THE VAST DESIGN
188
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:56,544
"OF AN OMNISCIENT WILL.
189
00:10:56,656 --> 00:11:00,490
WHEN SEEMING GAIN
BUT TURNS TO LOSS..."
190
00:11:02,695 --> 00:11:06,256
"WHEN EARTHLY TREASURE
PROVES BUT DROSS
191
00:11:06,298 --> 00:11:10,291
"AND WHAT SEEMED LOST
BUT TURNS AGAIN
192
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:13,863
TO HIGH ETERNAL GAIN."
193
00:11:21,313 --> 00:11:23,679
WE HAD THE MOST
MARVELOUS HOLIDAY.
194
00:11:23,716 --> 00:11:25,741
IT WAS ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC.
195
00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:27,252
ABSOLUTELY
WONDERFUL.
196
00:11:27,286 --> 00:11:28,810
MICHAEL, YOU TELL
THEM ABOUT IT.
197
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,822
NO, DARLING, YOU
COULD TELL IT BETTER.
198
00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:36,291
EXCUSE ME A MOMENT.
199
00:11:42,802 --> 00:11:43,826
DUNG, SIR.
200
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:44,961
WHAT?
201
00:11:45,004 --> 00:11:46,062
WE GOT YOUR DUNG.
202
00:11:46,105 --> 00:11:47,231
WHAT DUNG?
203
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:48,706
THREE HUNDREDWEIGHT
OF HEAVY DROPPINGS.
204
00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:49,730
WHERE DO YOU WANT IT?
205
00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:50,901
I DIDN'T ORDER
ANY DUNG.
206
00:11:50,943 --> 00:11:52,205
YES, YOU DID, SIR.
207
00:11:52,244 --> 00:11:54,337
YOU ORDERED IT THROUGH
THE BOOK-OF-THE-MONTH CLUB.
208
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,109
BOOK-OF-
THE-MONTH CLUB?
209
00:11:56,148 --> 00:11:57,115
THAT'S RIGHT, SIR.
210
00:11:57,149 --> 00:11:58,207
YOU GET GONE WITH THE WIND
211
00:11:58,250 --> 00:11:59,547
LES MISERABLES BY VICTOR HUGO
212
00:11:59,585 --> 00:12:00,847
THE FRENCH LIEUTENANT'S WOMAN
213
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,513
AND WITH EVERY THIRD BOOK,
YOU GET DUNG.
214
00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:05,948
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT
WHEN I SIGNED THE FORM.
215
00:12:05,991 --> 00:12:07,618
WELL, NO, NO,
IT WASN'T ON THE FORM.
216
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,558
THEY FOUND IT WASN'T GOOD
FOR BUSINESS.
217
00:12:09,595 --> 00:12:11,722
WE GOT THREE HUNDREDWEIGHT
OF DUNG IN THE VAN.
218
00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:12,731
WHERE DO YOU WANT IT?
219
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:13,732
I DON'T
THINK WE DO.
220
00:12:13,766 --> 00:12:14,892
WE'VE NO GARDEN.
221
00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:16,595
IT'LL FIT HERE... IT'S
TOP-CLASS EXCREMENT.
222
00:12:16,635 --> 00:12:17,966
YOU CAN'T
PUT IT IN HERE.
223
00:12:18,003 --> 00:12:19,561
WE'VE HAVING
A DINNER PARTY!
224
00:12:19,605 --> 00:12:21,835
IT'S ALL RIGHT,
I'LL PUT IT ON THE TELLY.
225
00:12:21,874 --> 00:12:23,466
DARLING, THERE'S
A MAN HERE
226
00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:25,841
WITH OUR BOOK-OF-
THE-MONTH-CLUB DUNG.
227
00:12:25,878 --> 00:12:27,607
WE'VE NO ROOM, DEAR.
228
00:12:27,646 --> 00:12:29,341
WELL, HOW MANY ROOMS
HAVE YOU GOT, THEN?
229
00:12:29,381 --> 00:12:31,815
WELL, THERE'S ONLY THIS ROOM,
THE BEDROOM, A SPARE ROOM.
230
00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:32,909
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
231
00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:34,385
MOVE EVERYTHING
INTO THE MAIN BEDROOM
232
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,320
THEN YOU CAN USE THE SPARE
ROOM AS A DUNG ROOM.
233
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:39,291
YES?
234
00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:40,292
DEAD INDIAN.
235
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:41,452
WHAT?
236
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:43,462
HAVE YOU RECENTLY BOUGHT
A NEW COOKER, SIR?
237
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:45,987
AH, WELL, THIS IS YOUR
FREE DEAD INDIAN, AS ADVERTISED.
238
00:12:46,031 --> 00:12:47,760
I DIDN'T SEE THAT
IN THE ADVERTS.
239
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,291
OH, NO, IT'S IN VERY SMALL
PRINT, YOU SEE, SIR
240
00:12:50,336 --> 00:12:52,031
SO AS NOT TO AFFECT THE SALES.
241
00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:53,129
WE'VE NO ROOM.
242
00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:54,139
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
243
00:12:54,173 --> 00:12:55,265
YOU CAN PUT
THE DEAD INDIAN
244
00:12:55,307 --> 00:12:56,968
IN THE SPARE ROOM
ON TOP OF THE DUNG.
245
00:12:57,009 --> 00:12:58,374
YEAH.
246
00:12:58,410 --> 00:12:59,377
ME HEAP DIZZY!
247
00:12:59,411 --> 00:13:00,605
HE'S NOT DEAD!
248
00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:02,113
OH, WELL, THAT'S PROBABLY
A FAULTY COOKER.
249
00:13:03,549 --> 00:13:04,846
HAVE YOU READ
AND EN JOYED
250
00:13:04,884 --> 00:13:06,852
THE FRENCH LIEUTENANT'S
WOMAN, THEN?
251
00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:08,046
NO.
252
00:13:08,087 --> 00:13:09,577
STILL, IT'S WORTH IT
FOR THE DUNG, ISN'T IT?
253
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,613
DARLING, IT'S
THE MILK MARKETING BOARD.
254
00:13:11,657 --> 00:13:15,115
FOR EVERY TWO CARTONS OF SINGLE
CREAM, WE GET THE M4 MOTORWAY.
255
00:13:25,571 --> 00:13:28,836
ARE YOU MR. AND MRS. P. FORBES
OF 7, THE STUDIOS, ELSTREE?
256
00:13:28,874 --> 00:13:29,841
YES.
257
00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:31,240
RIGHT, WELL,
GET IN THE CAR.
258
00:13:31,277 --> 00:13:32,710
WE'VE WON YOU
IN A POLICE RAFFLE.
259
00:13:34,079 --> 00:13:36,343
YES, THIS COUPLE WAS
JUST ONE OF THE PRIZES
260
00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:37,940
IN THIS YEAR'S POLICE RAFFLE.
261
00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:41,419
OTHER PRIZES INCLUDE TWO YEARS
FOR BREAKING AND ENTERING
262
00:13:41,453 --> 00:13:43,080
A CRATE OF SEARCH WARRANTS
263
00:13:43,122 --> 00:13:45,113
A "WHAT'S ALL THIS THEN?"
T-SHIRT
264
00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:48,684
AND A WEEKEND FOR TWO WITH
A SKINHEAD OF YOUR OWN CHOICE.
265
00:13:50,796 --> 00:13:52,161
AND THAT'S NOT ALL!
266
00:13:52,198 --> 00:13:55,292
THREE FABULOUS NEW PRIZES
HAVE JUST BEEN ADDED:
267
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:58,826
A FOUR-MONTH SUPPLY
OF INTERESTING UNDERGARMENTS
268
00:13:58,871 --> 00:14:00,964
A FULLY MOTORIZED PIG
269
00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:04,032
AND A HAND-PAINTED SCENE
OF ARABIAN SPLENDOR
270
00:14:04,076 --> 00:14:05,941
COMPLETE WITH SILLY WALKER.
271
00:14:25,264 --> 00:14:26,993
FINALLY, ADD THE SLICED MEAT
272
00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:29,125
GARNISH THE VEGETABLES
273
00:14:29,168 --> 00:14:32,763
AND VOILA... A MEAL FIT FOR A...
274
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,705
PERSONALLY, I PREFER
MORE CLASSICAL DISHES.
275
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:57,390
NIGEL, WONDERFUL
TO SEE YOU.
276
00:14:57,429 --> 00:14:59,090
SUPER, SUPER, SUPER.
277
00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:00,962
AM I A TEENY BIT LATE?
278
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,797
WELL, A BIT...
AN HOUR.
279
00:15:02,868 --> 00:15:03,994
OH, SUPER.
280
00:15:04,036 --> 00:15:06,766
ONLY SNOWDON'S BEEN
RETOUCHING MY PROFILE
281
00:15:06,805 --> 00:15:09,638
AND WE CAN'T UPSET
THE LOVELY SNOWDON, CAN WE?
282
00:15:09,675 --> 00:15:11,700
DAVID BLOGGS,
THE ONE AND ONLY...
283
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:12,802
SUPER TO SEE YOU.
284
00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:14,142
WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?
285
00:15:14,179 --> 00:15:15,305
COME AND WORK FOR ME.
286
00:15:15,347 --> 00:15:16,678
I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW.
287
00:15:16,715 --> 00:15:19,582
IT IS REALLY LOVELY TO HAVE
THIS LITTLE CHAT WITH YOU.
288
00:15:19,618 --> 00:15:20,585
WELL, I...
289
00:15:20,619 --> 00:15:22,246
IT IS SO NICE TO BE ABLE TO HAVE
290
00:15:22,288 --> 00:15:23,812
THIS LITTLE TALK ABOUT THINGS.
291
00:15:23,889 --> 00:15:26,414
I HEARD A TEENY RUMORLETTE
THAT YOU WERE MARRIED.
292
00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:28,790
NOT QUITE, NO... MY WIFE'S
JUST DIED, ACTUALLY.
293
00:15:28,827 --> 00:15:30,294
OH, DEAR...
294
00:15:30,329 --> 00:15:31,455
BRIAN!
295
00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:33,829
WE MUST GET TOGETHER
AGAIN SOON.
296
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:34,831
SEE YOU.
297
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:35,832
BYE!
298
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,062
PERHAPS WE COULD
DO A TRIBUTE
299
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:39,070
TO HER ON THE SHOW.
300
00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:40,071
WELL, NO...
301
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:41,629
I'LL GET PETER,
WILLIAM, ARTHUR
302
00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:43,369
ALEX, JOAN, TED,
SCOTT, WILF, JOHN
303
00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:44,501
AND RAY
TO FIX IT UP.
304
00:15:44,543 --> 00:15:46,534
BUT IT'S SO NICE
HAVING THIS LITTLE CHAT.
305
00:15:46,578 --> 00:15:47,545
ACTUALLY, TIMMY
306
00:15:47,579 --> 00:15:49,046
I'M GLAD TO GET
YOU ON YOUR OWN.
307
00:15:49,081 --> 00:15:51,242
YOU DON'T MIND IF PETER
JUST SITS IN, DO YOU?
308
00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:52,181
WELL, ACTUALLY...
309
00:15:52,217 --> 00:15:53,775
HE'S DOING AN ARTICLE ON ME
310
00:15:53,819 --> 00:15:55,047
FOR THE MAIL.
311
00:15:55,087 --> 00:15:56,577
HE'S SUCH
A LOVELY PERSON.
312
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:59,557
PETER, THIS IS ONE OF THE
NICEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD...
313
00:15:59,591 --> 00:16:00,956
NIGEL WATT...
W-A-DOUBLE-T.
314
00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:02,324
THAT'S RIGHT, YES.
315
00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:05,762
ACTUALLY, TIMMY, THE THING
IS, IT'S A BIT PRIVATE.
316
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:06,822
OH, YOU DON'T MIND
317
00:16:06,865 --> 00:16:08,560
IF PETER JUST
SITS IN, DO YOU?
318
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,227
PETER'S WRITING
A BOOK ON ME.
319
00:16:10,269 --> 00:16:12,863
PETER, YOU KNOW TONY
FROM THE MAIL, DON'T YOU?
320
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,564
WE MET IN THE TURKISH
BATH YESTERDAY.
321
00:16:14,606 --> 00:16:16,164
SUPER, SUPER...
DID IT COME OUT WELL
322
00:16:16,208 --> 00:16:17,266
IN THE WRITING
YESTERDAY?
323
00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:18,537
GREAT, GREAT.
324
00:16:18,577 --> 00:16:20,374
YOU TOOK OUT THE TUMMY
REFERENCE, DIDN'T YOU?
325
00:16:20,412 --> 00:16:21,379
YES, I DID.
326
00:16:21,413 --> 00:16:22,380
SUPER, SUPER.
327
00:16:22,414 --> 00:16:23,608
JUST TO FILL YOU IN
328
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:24,877
THIS IS NIGEL WATTS
329
00:16:24,950 --> 00:16:27,441
AND WE'RE HAVING A
LITTLE HEART-TO-HEART...
330
00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:29,147
H-E-A-R-T.
331
00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:30,712
DO GO ON, NIGEL.
332
00:16:30,756 --> 00:16:33,486
WELL, THE THING IS, TIMMY, UM...
333
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:36,992
DO CARRY ON...
IT'S THE TV TIMES
334
00:16:37,029 --> 00:16:40,658
ONLY THEY SYNDICATE THESE
PHOTOGRAPHS TO AMERICA.
335
00:16:40,699 --> 00:16:42,724
WOULD YOU MIND
IF WE JUST...
336
00:16:42,768 --> 00:16:43,792
SUPER, SUPER.
337
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,997
ONE OVER HERE,
I THINK, BOB.
338
00:16:46,038 --> 00:16:47,835
A LITTLE
SMILE, PLEASE.
339
00:16:47,873 --> 00:16:49,033
SMASHING,
SMASHING.
340
00:16:49,074 --> 00:16:51,133
FEEL FREE, BOB, TO
CIRCULATE, WON'T YOU?
341
00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:53,007
DO GO ON... THIS IS
MOST INTERESTING.
342
00:16:53,045 --> 00:16:54,012
THE THING
IS, TIMMY
343
00:16:54,046 --> 00:16:55,172
I'M A BIT
EMBARRASSED.
344
00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:56,181
OH, MR. WILLIAMS
345
00:16:56,215 --> 00:16:57,239
IT'S SO NICE
TO SEE YOU.
346
00:16:57,282 --> 00:16:58,374
WILL YOU
SIGN THIS
347
00:16:58,417 --> 00:16:59,816
FOR MY LITTLE
DAUGHTER, PLEASE?
348
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:00,819
HELLO,
MARIO.
349
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:01,820
SUPER,
WONDERFUL.
350
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,583
JUST TWO LOVELY
COFFEES, PLEASE.
351
00:17:03,622 --> 00:17:04,680
SORRY.
352
00:17:04,723 --> 00:17:05,690
TIMMY, CAN
WE JUST GO
353
00:17:05,724 --> 00:17:06,918
FROM WHERE
MARIO COMES IN?
354
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,493
WE'RE GETTING
BAD SOUND, OKAY?
355
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:09,653
IT'S GERMAN
TELEVISION.
356
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:10,923
ISN'T IT
EXCITING, NIGEL?
357
00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:14,022
THEY'RE DOING A PRIZEWINNING
DOCUMENTARY ON ME.
358
00:17:14,066 --> 00:17:17,092
THE WONDERFUL MR. WILLIAMS,
SCENE 239, TAKE 2.
359
00:17:17,136 --> 00:17:18,433
SPEED.
360
00:17:19,471 --> 00:17:20,460
ACTION!
361
00:17:20,506 --> 00:17:22,599
MARIO, HOW SUPER TO SEE YOU!
362
00:17:22,641 --> 00:17:24,632
HOW ARE THE LOVELY FAMILY?
363
00:17:24,676 --> 00:17:26,405
PLEASE GIVE YOUR
LITTLE DAUGHTER THIS.
364
00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:27,537
THANK YOU.
365
00:17:27,579 --> 00:17:29,376
AND JUST TWO LOVELY
COFFEES, PLEASE.
366
00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:30,404
YES, SIR.
367
00:17:30,449 --> 00:17:31,643
SUCH A LOVELY
WAITER!
368
00:17:31,683 --> 00:17:32,775
NOW, GO ON,
PLEASE.
369
00:17:32,818 --> 00:17:34,217
THIS IS MOST
INTERESTING.
370
00:17:34,253 --> 00:17:36,551
WELL, AS I WAS
SAYING, TIMMY
371
00:17:36,588 --> 00:17:37,953
MY WIFE'S GONE...
372
00:17:38,023 --> 00:17:39,354
GONE.
373
00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:42,758
I'VE GOT THREE CHILDREN,
AND I'M AT MY WITS' END.
374
00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:45,389
NO JOB, NO INSURANCE,
NO MONEY AT ALL.
375
00:17:45,431 --> 00:17:47,228
I'M ABSOLUTELY FLAT BROKE.
376
00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:49,530
I JUST DON'T KNOW WHERE TO TURN.
377
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:52,230
I'M ABSOLUTELY
AT THE END OF MY TETHER.
378
00:17:52,271 --> 00:17:53,795
YOU'RE MY ONLY CHANCE.
379
00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:56,637
CAN YOU HELP ME, PLEASE, TIMMY?
380
00:17:56,675 --> 00:17:58,700
SORRY, I WAS ON
THE PHONE TO AMERICA.
381
00:18:00,045 --> 00:18:02,445
IT'S BEEN SUPER HAVING
THIS LOVELY LITTLE CHAT.
382
00:18:02,481 --> 00:18:04,142
WE MUST DO THIS
AGAIN MORE OFTEN.
383
00:18:04,183 --> 00:18:05,445
WILL YOU GET
THE COFFEES?
384
00:18:05,484 --> 00:18:06,678
I'M AFRAID I MUST DASH.
385
00:18:06,718 --> 00:18:08,811
I'M AN HOUR LATE
FOR THE ISRAELI EMBASSY.
386
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:13,724
DID YOU GET THAT SHOT
ALL RIGHT, SOUND?
387
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:14,851
YES, FINE.
388
00:18:14,893 --> 00:18:16,884
IT WASN'T A BIT
TOO WICKED, WAS IT?
389
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,556
I MEAN, IT WASN'T
TOO CRUEL?
390
00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:19,564
NO, NO, NO.
391
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:20,587
IT WAS GREAT.
392
00:18:20,632 --> 00:18:21,963
NO, SUPER...
WELL, I THINK
393
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,592
IT SHOWS I'M HUMAN,
DON'T YOU?
394
00:18:23,635 --> 00:18:24,602
YEAH,
IT'S GREAT.
395
00:18:24,636 --> 00:18:25,398
WELL, THE
CHARABANC'S HERE.
396
00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:26,404
COME ON, EVERYBODY.
397
00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:27,530
BYE!
398
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:33,272
TIMMY WILLIAMS COFFEE TIME
WAS BROUGHT TO YOU LIVE
399
00:18:33,312 --> 00:18:34,870
FROM WOPPI'S IN HOLBORN.
400
00:18:57,402 --> 00:18:58,460
GOOD EVENING.
401
00:18:58,504 --> 00:19:00,699
I HAVE WITH ME IN
THE STUDIO TONIGHT
402
00:19:00,739 --> 00:19:03,606
ONE OF THE COUNTRY'S
LEADING SKIN SPECIALISTS
403
00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:05,007
RAYMOND LUXURY YACHT.
404
00:19:05,043 --> 00:19:06,032
THAT'S NOT MY NAME.
405
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:10,547
I'M SORRY,
RAYMOND LUXURY YACH-T.
406
00:19:10,582 --> 00:19:11,640
NO, NO, NO.
407
00:19:11,683 --> 00:19:13,651
IT'S SPELT
"RAYMOND LUXURY YACH-T"
408
00:19:13,685 --> 00:19:16,347
BUT IT'S PRONOUNCED
"THROATWOBBLER MANGROVE."
409
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:21,121
YOU ARE A VERY SILLY MAN, AND
I'M NOT GOING TO INTERVIEW YOU.
410
00:19:22,461 --> 00:19:23,450
ANTI-SEMITISM.
411
00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:24,462
NOT AT ALL.
412
00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:27,056
IT'S NOT EVEN
A PROPER NOSE.
413
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,633
IT'S POLYSTYRENE.
414
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:29,725
GIVE ME MY NOSE BACK.
415
00:19:29,768 --> 00:19:31,531
YOU CAN COLLECT IT
AT RECEPTION... NOW, GO AWAY.
416
00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:32,628
I WANT TO BE ON TELEVISION.
417
00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:33,603
WELL, YOU CAN'T.
418
00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:38,498
PSST!
419
00:19:38,544 --> 00:19:40,068
ALL CLEAR.
420
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,250
WHOO, WHEE!
421
00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:03,265
HI, THERE, BIG BOY.
422
00:20:03,302 --> 00:20:05,930
WHOO, WHEE!
423
00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:08,269
HEY, CUPIE!
424
00:20:08,307 --> 00:20:09,638
HELLO, TIGER.
425
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:13,344
WHOO, WHEE!
426
00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:14,640
TIGER!
427
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:15,942
TIGER!
428
00:20:15,981 --> 00:20:17,972
WHOO, WHEE!
429
00:20:18,016 --> 00:20:18,983
TIGER.
430
00:20:19,017 --> 00:20:20,109
HEY, TIGER...
431
00:20:30,028 --> 00:20:31,825
EXCUSE ME, I WANT
TO GET MARRIED.
432
00:20:31,863 --> 00:20:33,854
I'M AFRAID I'M
ALREADY MARRIED, SIR.
433
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:35,696
NO, I JUST WANT
TO GET MARRIED.
434
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:37,031
I COULD GET A DIVORCE, I SUPPOSE
435
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,434
BUT IT WOULD BE
A BIT OF A WRENCH.
436
00:20:38,470 --> 00:20:39,903
NO, NO, THAT WON'T BE
NECESSARY, BECAUSE...
437
00:20:39,938 --> 00:20:41,098
SEE, WOULD YOU COME TO MY PLACE
438
00:20:41,139 --> 00:20:42,333
OR SHOULD I HAVE
TO COME TO YOURS
439
00:20:42,374 --> 00:20:43,773
BECAUSE I'VE JUST
GOT A BIG MORTGAGE?
440
00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:45,242
NO, I WANT TO GET MARRIED HERE.
441
00:20:45,277 --> 00:20:48,508
OH, DEAR, I HAD MY HEART
SET ON A CHURCH WEDDING.
442
00:20:48,547 --> 00:20:52,540
LOOK, I JUST WANT YOU
TO MARRY ME TO...
443
00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:53,744
I WANT TO MARRY
YOU, TOO, SIR
444
00:20:53,785 --> 00:20:55,047
BUT IT'S NOT AS
SIMPLE AS THAT.
445
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:56,554
YOU'RE SURE YOU
WANT TO GET MARRIED.
446
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:58,249
YES, I WANT TO GET
MARRIED VERY QUICKLY.
447
00:20:58,290 --> 00:20:59,518
SUITS ME, SIR,
SUITS ME.
448
00:20:59,558 --> 00:21:00,456
I DON'T WANT TO MARRY YOU.
449
00:21:00,492 --> 00:21:01,516
THERE IS SUCH A THING
450
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:02,891
AS BREACH OF PROMISE, SIR.
451
00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:04,156
LOOK, I JUST WANT YOU
452
00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:06,096
TO ACT AS REGISTRAR
AND MARRY ME.
453
00:21:06,131 --> 00:21:07,359
I WILL MARRY YOU, SIR
454
00:21:07,399 --> 00:21:09,060
BUT PLEASE MAKE UP
YOUR MIND.
455
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,898
PLEASE DON'T TRIFLE
WITH MY AFFECTIONS.
456
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:11,925
I'M SORRY, BUT...
457
00:21:11,970 --> 00:21:13,062
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, SIR.
458
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:14,629
I FORGIVE YOU... LOVERS' TIFF.
459
00:21:14,673 --> 00:21:17,039
YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST PERSON
TO ASK ME TODAY.
460
00:21:17,075 --> 00:21:18,633
I'VE TURNED DOWN
SEVERAL PEOPLE ALREADY.
461
00:21:18,677 --> 00:21:19,735
LOOK, I'M
ALREADY ENGAGED.
462
00:21:19,778 --> 00:21:20,904
YES, AND I'M
ALREADY MARRIED.
463
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:22,140
STILL WE'LL
GET ROUND IT.
464
00:21:22,180 --> 00:21:23,704
GOOD MORNING, I
WANT TO GET MARRIED.
465
00:21:23,749 --> 00:21:24,909
I'M AFRAID I'M
ALREADY MARRYING
466
00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:25,939
THIS GENTLEMAN, SIR.
467
00:21:25,984 --> 00:21:27,747
WELL, CAN I GET
MARRIED AFTER HIM?
468
00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:29,344
WELL, DIVORCE ISN'T
AS QUICK AS THAT, SIR.
469
00:21:29,388 --> 00:21:30,480
STILL, IF YOU'RE KEEN.
470
00:21:30,522 --> 00:21:32,012
I WANT TO GET
MARRIED, PLEASE.
471
00:21:32,057 --> 00:21:33,581
HEAVENS, IT'S MY
LUCKY DAY, ISN'T IT?
472
00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:34,592
ALL RIGHT.
473
00:21:34,626 --> 00:21:35,615
YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT
474
00:21:35,661 --> 00:21:36,753
TILL I'VE MARRIED
THESE TWO, SIR.
475
00:21:36,795 --> 00:21:38,353
WHAT, THOSE TWO,
GETTING MARRIED?
476
00:21:38,397 --> 00:21:40,297
NIGEL, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING MARRYING HIM?
477
00:21:40,332 --> 00:21:42,061
HE'S MARRYING ME, FIRST, SIR.
478
00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:43,192
HE'S ENGAGED
TO ME.
479
00:21:43,235 --> 00:21:44,634
COME ON,
HENRY.
480
00:21:44,670 --> 00:21:46,160
BLIMEY,
THE WIFE.
481
00:21:46,204 --> 00:21:46,795
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
482
00:21:46,838 --> 00:21:48,169
I'M ALREADY MARRIED.
483
00:21:48,206 --> 00:21:49,605
WELL, THINGS TURNED OUT
484
00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:50,869
ALL RIGHT IN THE END
485
00:21:50,909 --> 00:21:53,742
BUT YOU MUSTN'TASK HOW,
BECAUSE IT'S NAUGHTY.
486
00:21:53,779 --> 00:21:56,304
THEY'RE ALL MARRIED
AND LIVING QUITE WELL
487
00:21:56,348 --> 00:21:58,373
IN A COUNCIL ESTATE
NEAR DULWICH.
488
00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:08,919
TODAY I WANT
TO TELL YOU A STORY.
489
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:12,623
ONCE UPON A TIME THERE
WAS AN ENCHANTED PRINCE
490
00:22:12,664 --> 00:22:15,792
WHO RULED THE LAND
BEYOND THE WUBBLES.
491
00:22:17,536 --> 00:22:21,632
ONE DAY, HE DISCOVERED
A SPOT ON HIS FACE.
492
00:22:21,673 --> 00:22:23,470
FOOLISHLY, HE IGNORED IT.
493
00:22:23,508 --> 00:22:25,999
AND THREE YEARS LATER
HE DIED OF...
494
00:22:26,044 --> 00:22:27,204
GANGRENE.
495
00:22:27,245 --> 00:22:29,611
THE SPOT, HOWEVER, FLOURISHED
496
00:22:29,648 --> 00:22:32,139
AND SOON SET OUT
TO SEEK ITS FORTUNE.
497
00:22:37,089 --> 00:22:38,920
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
498
00:22:38,957 --> 00:22:39,981
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH
499
00:22:40,025 --> 00:22:41,253
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
500
00:22:41,293 --> 00:22:42,487
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH
501
00:22:42,527 --> 00:22:44,256
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
502
00:22:51,336 --> 00:22:53,167
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH
503
00:22:53,205 --> 00:22:54,502
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
504
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:18,129
AGNES, DID YOU SEE WHO
JUST MOVED IN NEXT DOOR?
505
00:23:18,163 --> 00:23:20,290
YES, BLACK AS THE ACE OF SPADES.
506
00:23:20,365 --> 00:23:22,731
OOH, THERE
GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD
507
00:23:22,768 --> 00:23:24,463
THEM AND THEIR SMELLY COOKING.
508
00:23:24,503 --> 00:23:25,697
AND THE NOISE.
509
00:23:25,737 --> 00:23:27,864
AND THEY BREED LIKE RABBITS.
510
00:23:27,906 --> 00:23:29,066
OH, YES.
511
00:23:44,756 --> 00:23:46,747
HELLO, AND WELCOME
TO ELECTION NIGHT SPECIAL.
512
00:23:46,792 --> 00:23:48,692
THERE'S GREAT EXCITEMENT
HERE AT THE MOMENT
513
00:23:48,727 --> 00:23:50,888
AS WE SHOULD BE GETTING
THE FIRST RESULT THROUGH
514
00:23:50,929 --> 00:23:53,489
ANY MOMENT NOW; WE DON'T
KNOW WHERE IT WILL BE FROM.
515
00:23:53,532 --> 00:23:55,261
IT MIGHT BE FROM LEICESTER
OR FROM LUTON.
516
00:23:55,300 --> 00:23:57,268
THE POLLING'S BEEN
QUITE HEAVY IN BOTH AREAS.
517
00:23:57,302 --> 00:23:58,769
OH, WAIT A MOMENT...
I'M JUST GETTING
518
00:23:58,804 --> 00:24:00,294
A LOUD BUZZING NOISE
IN MY LEFT EAR.
519
00:24:00,338 --> 00:24:01,305
EXCUSE ME A MOMENT.
520
00:24:04,576 --> 00:24:06,339
ANYWAY, LET'S GO STRAIGHT OVER
521
00:24:06,378 --> 00:24:08,175
TO JAMES GILBERT AT LEICESTER.
522
00:24:08,213 --> 00:24:11,182
WELL, IT'S A STRAIGHT
FIGHT HERE AT LEICESTER.
523
00:24:11,216 --> 00:24:13,150
ON THE LEFT OF
THE RETURNING OFFICER
524
00:24:13,185 --> 00:24:15,813
YOU CAN SEE ARTHUR SMITH,
THE SENSIBLE CANDIDATE
525
00:24:15,854 --> 00:24:17,981
AND HIS AGENT,
AND ON THE OTHER SIDE IS
526
00:24:18,023 --> 00:24:20,082
THE SILLY CANDIDATE,
JETHRO WALRUSTITTY
527
00:24:20,125 --> 00:24:21,683
WITH HIS AGENT AND HIS WIFE.
528
00:24:23,128 --> 00:24:26,564
HERE IS THE RESULT
FOR LEICESTER:
529
00:24:26,598 --> 00:24:28,725
ARTHUR J. SMITH...
530
00:24:28,767 --> 00:24:30,462
SENSIBLE PARTY.
531
00:24:30,502 --> 00:24:33,596
30,612.
532
00:24:36,675 --> 00:24:39,906
JETHRO Q. WALRUSTITTY.
533
00:24:39,945 --> 00:24:41,572
SILLY PARTY.
534
00:24:41,613 --> 00:24:45,709
32,108.
535
00:24:47,853 --> 00:24:49,081
WELL, THERE'S THE FIRST RESULT
536
00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:50,747
AND THE SILLY PARTY
HAVE HELD LEICESTER.
537
00:24:50,789 --> 00:24:52,154
WHAT DO YOU MAKE
OF THAT, NORMAN?
538
00:24:52,190 --> 00:24:54,090
WELL, THIS IS LARGELY
AS I PREDICTED
539
00:24:54,125 --> 00:24:55,854
EXCEPT THAT THE SILLY PARTY WON.
540
00:24:57,395 --> 00:24:58,521
BUT THEN, THIS IS MAINLY DUE
541
00:24:58,563 --> 00:25:00,053
TO THE NUMBER
OF VOTES CAST... GERALD.
542
00:25:00,098 --> 00:25:02,123
WELL, THERE'S A SWING HERE
TO THE SILLY PARTY
543
00:25:02,167 --> 00:25:04,260
BUT HOW BIG A SWING
I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU.
544
00:25:04,302 --> 00:25:06,133
WELL, IF I MAY, I THINK
THE INTERESTING THING HERE
545
00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:07,695
IS THE BIG SWING
TO THE SILLY PARTY
546
00:25:07,739 --> 00:25:09,866
AND OF COURSE, THE VERY LARGE
SWING BACK TO THE SENSIBLE PARTY
547
00:25:09,908 --> 00:25:11,535
AND A TENDENCY TO WOBBLE
UP AND DOWN IN THE MIDDLE
548
00:25:11,576 --> 00:25:12,736
BECAUSE THE SCREW IS LOOSE.
549
00:25:12,777 --> 00:25:14,768
I'M AFRAID I CAN'T
THINK OF ANYTHING.
550
00:25:14,813 --> 00:25:16,804
I CAN'T ADD ANYTHING
TO THAT... COLIN?
551
00:25:16,848 --> 00:25:18,713
CAN I JUST BUTT IN AT THIS POINT
AND SAY THIS IS IN FACT
552
00:25:18,750 --> 00:25:20,775
THE VERY FIRST TIME I'VE
EVER APPEARED ON TELEVISION?
553
00:25:20,819 --> 00:25:21,843
NO, WE HAVEN'T TIME
BECAUSE WE'RE GOING
554
00:25:21,887 --> 00:25:22,854
STRAIGHT OVER TO LUTON.
555
00:25:22,888 --> 00:25:24,150
HERE AT LUTON
556
00:25:24,189 --> 00:25:25,816
IT'S A THREE-CORNERED FIGHT
557
00:25:25,857 --> 00:25:28,826
BETWEEN ALAN JONES,
SENSIBLE PARTY, IN THE MIDDLE
558
00:25:28,860 --> 00:25:33,763
TARQUIN FIN-TIM-LIN-BIN-WHIN-
BIM-LIN-BUS-STOP-F'TANG-F'TANG- OLE-BISCUITBARREL...
559
00:25:33,798 --> 00:25:35,390
SILLY PARTY...
560
00:25:35,433 --> 00:25:39,631
AND KEVIN PHILLIPS-BONG,
THE SLIGHTLY SILLY CANDIDATE.
561
00:25:39,671 --> 00:25:41,138
ALAN JONES...
562
00:25:41,172 --> 00:25:42,571
ON THE LEFT, SENSIBLE PARTY.
563
00:25:42,607 --> 00:25:45,269
9,112.
564
00:25:46,478 --> 00:25:47,968
KEVIN PHILLIPS-BONG...
565
00:25:48,013 --> 00:25:49,742
ON THE RIGHT, SLIGHTLY SILLY.
566
00:25:49,781 --> 00:25:51,772
NAUGHT.
567
00:25:51,816 --> 00:25:59,348
TARQUIN FIN-TIM-LIN-BIN-WHIN-
BIM-LIN-BUS-STOP-F'TANG-F'TANG- OLE-BISCUITBARREL...
568
00:25:59,391 --> 00:26:00,449
SILLY.
569
00:26:00,525 --> 00:26:03,289
12,441.
570
00:26:04,863 --> 00:26:07,388
AND SO THE SILLY PARTY
HAS TAKEN LUTON.
571
00:26:07,432 --> 00:26:08,899
A GAIN FOR THE SILLY PARTY
AT LUTON
572
00:26:08,934 --> 00:26:10,663
THE FIRST GAIN
OF THE ELECTION... NORMAN.
573
00:26:10,702 --> 00:26:12,431
WELL, THIS IS A HIGHLY
SIGNIFICANT RESULT.
574
00:26:12,470 --> 00:26:14,301
LUTON, NORMALLY A VERY
SENSIBLE CONSTITUENCY
575
00:26:14,339 --> 00:26:16,671
WITH A HIGH PROPORTION OF PEOPLE
WHO AREN'T A BIT SILLY
576
00:26:16,708 --> 00:26:17,766
HAS GONE COMPLETELY GAGA.
577
00:26:17,809 --> 00:26:19,333
DO WE HAVE THE SWING AT LUTON?
578
00:26:19,377 --> 00:26:21,572
WELL, I'VE WORKED OUT THE SWING,
BUT IT'S A SECRET.
579
00:26:23,548 --> 00:26:25,243
ER... WELL, AH, THERE...
580
00:26:25,283 --> 00:26:28,582
THERE ISN'T THE SWING,
AND HOW ABOUT THE SWONG?
581
00:26:28,620 --> 00:26:31,418
WELL, I'VE GOT THE SWONG HERE IN
THIS BOX, AND IT'S LOOKING FINE.
582
00:26:31,456 --> 00:26:33,048
I CAN SEE THROUGH
THE BREATHING HOLES
583
00:26:33,091 --> 00:26:35,116
THAT IT'S EATING UP PEANUTS
AT A RATE OF KNOTS.
584
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:36,457
AND HOW ABOUT THE SWANG?
585
00:26:36,494 --> 00:26:38,485
WELL, IT'S 29% UP OVER 600 FEET
586
00:26:38,563 --> 00:26:41,964
BUT IT'S A LITTLE BIT SOFT
AROUND THE EDGES ABOUT...
587
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:43,228
WHAT DO YOU MAKE
OF THE NYLON DOT CARDIGAN
588
00:26:43,268 --> 00:26:44,360
AND PLASTIC MULE REST?
589
00:26:44,402 --> 00:26:45,391
THERE'S
NO SUCH THING.
590
00:26:45,437 --> 00:26:46,404
THANK YOU, SPIKE.
591
00:26:46,438 --> 00:26:47,928
CAN I JUST COME IN HERE AND SAY
592
00:26:47,973 --> 00:26:49,998
THAT THE SWONG
HAS CHOKED ITSELF TO DEATH?
593
00:26:50,041 --> 00:26:51,804
WELL, THE ELECTION'S REALLY
BEGINNING TO HOT UP NOW.
594
00:26:51,843 --> 00:26:53,310
I CAN'T ADD ANYTHING TO THAT.
595
00:26:53,345 --> 00:26:55,438
CAN I JUST ADD AT THIS POINT
THIS IS IN FACT THE SECOND TIME
596
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:56,970
I'VE EVER APPEARED
ON TELEVISION?
597
00:26:57,015 --> 00:26:58,812
I'M SORRY, SASHA, WE'RE JUST
ABOUT TO GET ANOTHER RESULT.
598
00:26:58,850 --> 00:27:00,442
HELLO, FROM HARPENDEN.
599
00:27:00,485 --> 00:27:02,510
THIS IS A KEY SEAT,
BECAUSE IN ADDITION
600
00:27:02,621 --> 00:27:04,282
TO THE OFFICIAL SILLY CANDIDATE
601
00:27:04,322 --> 00:27:06,688
THERE IS AN INDEPENDENT
VERY SILLY CANDIDATE
602
00:27:06,725 --> 00:27:08,317
WHO MA Y SPLIT THE SILLY VOTE.
603
00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:11,261
MR. ELSIE ZZZZZZZZZ...
604
00:27:11,296 --> 00:27:12,524
SILLY.
605
00:27:12,564 --> 00:27:15,431
26,317...
606
00:27:17,535 --> 00:27:19,127
JAMES WALKER...
607
00:27:19,170 --> 00:27:20,364
SENSIBLE.
608
00:27:20,405 --> 00:27:23,238
26,318.
609
00:27:23,274 --> 00:27:25,037
THAT WAS CLOSE.
610
00:27:25,076 --> 00:27:29,775
MALCOLM PETER BRIAN TELESCOPE
ADRIAN UMBRELLA STAND JASPER
611
00:27:29,814 --> 00:27:34,410
WEDNESDAY
STOATGOBBLER JOHN RAW VEGETABLE
612
00:27:35,654 --> 00:27:37,383
ARTHUR NORMAN MICHAEL
613
00:27:38,690 --> 00:27:39,816
FEATHERSTONE SMITH
614
00:27:41,259 --> 00:27:43,193
NORTHGOT EDWARDS HARRIS
615
00:27:45,864 --> 00:27:46,831
MASON
616
00:27:46,865 --> 00:27:48,833
CHUF, CHUF, CHUF
617
00:27:48,867 --> 00:27:52,268
FRAMPTON JONES
FRUITBAT GILBERT...
618
00:27:56,107 --> 00:27:59,770
WILLIAMS "IF I COULD
WALK THAT WAY" JENKIN
619
00:28:01,846 --> 00:28:04,246
TIGER DRAWERS PRATT THOMPSON
620
00:28:07,719 --> 00:28:08,686
DARCY CARTER
621
00:28:09,888 --> 00:28:11,253
PUSSYCAT
622
00:28:13,725 --> 00:28:15,022
BARTON MANNERING
623
00:28:16,394 --> 00:28:17,554
SMITH.
624
00:28:17,595 --> 00:28:18,562
VERY SILLY.
625
00:28:18,596 --> 00:28:19,585
TWO.
626
00:28:19,698 --> 00:28:21,290
WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT...
627
00:28:21,332 --> 00:28:22,959
A SENSIBLE GAIN
HERE AT DRIFFIELD.
628
00:28:23,001 --> 00:28:23,592
NORMAN.
629
00:28:23,635 --> 00:28:25,102
WELL, I'VE JUST HEARD
630
00:28:25,136 --> 00:28:26,797
FROM LUTON
THAT MY AUNTIE'S ILL...
631
00:28:26,838 --> 00:28:29,170
POSSIBLY, POSSIBLY
GASTROENTERITIS... GERALD.
632
00:28:29,207 --> 00:28:31,505
WELL, IF THIS WERE REPEATED
OVER THE WHOLE COUNTRY
633
00:28:31,543 --> 00:28:33,204
IT'D PROBABLY BE
VERY MESSY... COLIN.
634
00:28:33,244 --> 00:28:35,906
CAN I JUST BUTT IN AND SAY HERE
THAT IT'S PROBABLY THE LAST TIME
635
00:28:35,947 --> 00:28:37,346
I SHALL EVER APPEAR
ON TELEVISION?
636
00:28:37,382 --> 00:28:38,474
NO, I'M AFRAID YOU CAN'T.
637
00:28:38,516 --> 00:28:39,483
WE HAVEN'T GOT TIME.
638
00:28:39,517 --> 00:28:40,745
JUST TO BRING YOU UP TO DATE
639
00:28:40,785 --> 00:28:42,719
WITH THE FEW RESULTS
THAT YOU MAY HAVE MISSED
640
00:28:42,754 --> 00:28:44,949
ENGELBERT HUMPERDINCK HAS TAKEN
BARROW-IN-FURNESS.
641
00:28:44,989 --> 00:28:47,457
THAT'S A GAIN FROM ANN HAYDON-
JONES AND HER HUSBAND PIP.
642
00:28:47,492 --> 00:28:48,891
ARTHUR NEGUS HAS HELD BRISTOLS.
643
00:28:48,927 --> 00:28:51,361
THAT'S NOT A RESULT,
THAT'S A BIT OF GOSSIP.
644
00:28:51,396 --> 00:28:53,864
AND ER... MARY WHITEHOUSE
HAS JUST TAKEN UMBRAGE.
645
00:28:53,898 --> 00:28:55,729
COULD BE A BIT OF TROUBLE THERE.
646
00:28:55,767 --> 00:28:57,359
AND APPARENTLY WALES
IS NOT SWINGING AT ALL.
647
00:28:57,402 --> 00:28:58,528
NO SURPRISE THERE.
648
00:28:58,570 --> 00:29:00,367
AND MONTY PYTHON
HAS HELD THE CREDITS.
649
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:38,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll