1
00:00:02,068 --> 00:00:03,467
HERE IS A PREVIEW
2
00:00:03,503 --> 00:00:05,437
OF SOME OF THE PROGRAMS
YOU'LL BE ABLE TO SEE
3
00:00:05,472 --> 00:00:06,996
COMING SHORTLY
ON BBC TELEVISION.
4
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:08,871
TO KICK OFF WITH,
THERE'S VARIETY.
5
00:00:08,908 --> 00:00:12,503
PETER WESTAND BRIAN JOHNSON
STAR IN RAIN STOPPED PLAY
6
00:00:12,545 --> 00:00:14,206
A WACKY NEW COMEDY SERIES
7
00:00:14,247 --> 00:00:18,013
ABOUT THE GAY EXPLOITS OF TWO
TELEVISION CRICKET COMMENTATORS
8
00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:21,487
WITH E.W. SWANTON AS AGGIE,
THE KOOKY SCOTS MAID.
9
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:25,389
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T LIKE
VARIETY, THERE'S VARIETY
10
00:00:25,425 --> 00:00:28,121
WITH BRIAN CLOSE
AT THE TALK OF THE TOWN.
11
00:00:28,161 --> 00:00:30,356
AND OF COURSE,
THERE'LL BE SPORT.
12
00:00:30,397 --> 00:00:32,695
THE CLASSICS SERIES
RETURN TO BBC 2
13
00:00:32,732 --> 00:00:36,395
WITH 26 EPISODES OF JOHN
GALSWORTHY'S "SNOOKER MY WA Y"
14
00:00:36,436 --> 00:00:39,428
WITH NYREE DAWN PORTER
REPEATING HER TRIUMPH
15
00:00:39,472 --> 00:00:40,996
AS JOE DA VIS.
16
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,168
AND OF COURSE,
THERE'LL BE SPORT.
17
00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:45,609
COMEDY IS NOT FORGOTTEN,
WITH JIM LAKER
18
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:48,237
IN 13 WEEKS
OF OFFSPIN BOWLING.
19
00:00:48,281 --> 00:00:50,909
JIM PLAYS
THE ZANY BACHELOR BOWLER
20
00:00:50,950 --> 00:00:52,850
IN A NEW SERIES, OWZAT
21
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:56,049
WITH ANNELEY DRUMMOND-HA YE,
ON MR. SOFTEE, AS HIS WIFE.
22
00:00:56,089 --> 00:00:57,989
AND OF COURSE,
THERE'LL BE SPORT.
23
00:00:58,024 --> 00:00:59,821
PANORAMA WILL BE RETURNING
24
00:00:59,859 --> 00:01:02,225
INTRODUCED AS USUAL
BY TONY JACKLIN
25
00:01:02,262 --> 00:01:05,288
AND LULU WILL BE TACKLING
THE OLD MAN OF HOY.
26
00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:08,892
AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO PREFER
DRAMA, THERE'S SPORT.
27
00:01:08,935 --> 00:01:12,063
ON SHOW OF THE WEEK,
KENNETH WOSTENHOLME SINGS.
28
00:01:12,105 --> 00:01:14,630
AND FOR THOSE OF YOU
WHO DON'T LIKE TELEVISION
29
00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:15,868
THERE'S DAVID COLEMAN.
30
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,638
AND OF COURSE,
THERE'LL BE SPORT.
31
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:20,144
BUT NOW FOR SOMETHING
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT...
32
00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:21,909
SPORT.
33
00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:28,882
MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS.
34
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:35,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
35
00:02:54,207 --> 00:02:55,367
GO ON. BLIMEY!
36
00:02:55,408 --> 00:02:56,670
LOOK WHAT WE FOUND!
37
00:03:02,615 --> 00:03:03,912
WHAT AN AMAZING FIND.
38
00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:05,645
IT REALLY IS FANTASTIC.
39
00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:08,279
IT'S THE ARCHAEOLOGICAL
FIND OF THE CENTURY.
40
00:03:08,321 --> 00:03:10,312
IT IS, INDEED, INDEED, INDEED.
41
00:03:10,356 --> 00:03:12,881
GENTLEMEN, FROM THIS SINGLE PART
42
00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:15,156
AND MONTHS
OF PAINSTAKING RESEARCH
43
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:19,188
WE HAVE BEEN ABLE TO ACCURATELY
RECONSTRUCT THIS ENTIRE BEAST.
44
00:03:28,908 --> 00:03:29,932
HELLO.
45
00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:31,534
ON ARCHAEOLOGY TODAY
TONIGHT
46
00:03:31,578 --> 00:03:33,910
I HAVE WITH ME
PROFESSOR LUCIEN KASTNER
47
00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:35,039
OF OSLO UNIVERSITY.
48
00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:36,105
GOOD EVENING.
49
00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:38,083
HOW TALL ARE YOU,
PROFESSOR?
50
00:03:38,117 --> 00:03:39,311
I BEG
YOUR PARDON?
51
00:03:39,352 --> 00:03:40,580
HOW TALL ARE YOU?
52
00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:42,281
I'M ABOUT
FIVE FOOT TEN.
53
00:03:42,322 --> 00:03:44,153
AND AN EXPERT
IN EGYPTIAN TOMB PAINTINGS
54
00:03:44,190 --> 00:03:46,158
SIR ROBERT... ARE YOU
REALLY FIVE FOOT TEN?
55
00:03:46,192 --> 00:03:47,420
YES.
56
00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:48,927
FUNNY, YOU LOOK MUCH
SHORTER THAN THAT TO ME.
57
00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,623
ARE YOU SLUMPED FORWARD
IN YOUR CHAIR AT ALL?
58
00:03:50,663 --> 00:03:52,062
UH, NO, I, I...
59
00:03:52,098 --> 00:03:53,258
EXTRAORDINARY.
60
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:54,630
SIR ROBERT EVERSLEY
61
00:03:54,667 --> 00:03:57,500
WHO'S JUST RETURNED FROM
THE EXCAVATIONS AT EL ARA
62
00:03:57,537 --> 00:03:59,528
AND WHO MUST BE
WELL OVER SIX FOOT.
63
00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:01,233
ISN'T THAT RIGHT,
SIR ROBERT?
64
00:04:01,274 --> 00:04:02,241
YES.
65
00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:03,264
IN FACT, I THINK
66
00:04:03,309 --> 00:04:04,742
YOU'RE SIX FOOT FIVE,
AREN'T YOU?
67
00:04:04,777 --> 00:04:05,744
UH, YES.
68
00:04:06,779 --> 00:04:07,905
OH, THAT'S MARVELOUS.
69
00:04:07,947 --> 00:04:09,107
I MEAN, YOU'RE
70
00:04:09,148 --> 00:04:10,911
A TOTALLY DIFFERENT
KIND OF SPECIMEN
71
00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:12,042
TO PROFESSOR KASTNER.
72
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:13,279
STRAIGHT
IN YOUR SEAT
73
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:14,286
ERECT, FIRM...
74
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:15,787
YES. I THOUGHT
WE WERE HERE
75
00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:17,084
TO DISCUSS
ARCHAEOLOGY.
76
00:04:17,123 --> 00:04:18,613
YES, YES,
OF COURSE WE ARE.
77
00:04:18,658 --> 00:04:20,990
YES, ABSOLUTELY, YOU'RE
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!
78
00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:22,824
THAT'S POSITIVE
THINKING FOR YOU.
79
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,261
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE SAID
A THING LIKE THAT, WOULD YOU
80
00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:26,595
YOU FIVE-FOOT-TEN-INCH WEED?
81
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:31,264
SIR ROBERT EVERSLEY...
WHO'S VERY INTERESTING...
82
00:04:31,304 --> 00:04:32,931
WHAT HAVE YOU
DISCOVERED
83
00:04:32,972 --> 00:04:34,940
IN THE EXCAVATIONS
AT EL ARA?
84
00:04:34,974 --> 00:04:36,999
WELL, BASICALLY,
WE HAVE FOUND
85
00:04:37,043 --> 00:04:38,510
A COMPLEX OF TOMBS...
86
00:04:38,544 --> 00:04:39,841
VERY GOOD SPEAKING VOICE.
87
00:04:39,879 --> 00:04:41,642
WHICH PRESENT
DRAMATIC EVIDENCE
88
00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:43,046
OF POLYNESIAN INFLUENCE
89
00:04:43,082 --> 00:04:44,777
IN EGYPT
IN THE THIRD DYNASTY
90
00:04:44,817 --> 00:04:46,284
WHICH IS
QUITE REMARKABLE.
91
00:04:46,319 --> 00:04:48,082
HOW TALL WERE
THE POLYNESIANS?
92
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:48,610
THEY WERE...
93
00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:49,781
SHH!
94
00:04:49,822 --> 00:04:51,790
WELL, THEY WERE
RATHER SMALL, SEAFARING...
95
00:04:51,824 --> 00:04:53,257
SHORT MEN, WERE THEY...
ALL SQUAT AND BENT UP?
96
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,260
WELL, I REALLY
DON'T KNOW.
97
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,261
WHO WERE THE TALL PEOPLE?
98
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,319
I'M AFRAID
I DON'T KNOW.
99
00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:57,590
WHO'S THAT VERY TALL TRIBE
IN AFRICA?
100
00:04:57,630 --> 00:05:00,030
WELL, THIS IS HARDLY
ARCHAEOLOGY.
101
00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:01,863
THE WATUTSI,
THAT'S IT, THE WATUTSI!
102
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,094
OH, THAT'S THE TRIBE.
103
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,865
SOME OF THEM
WERE EIGHT FOOT TALL.
104
00:05:04,937 --> 00:05:06,268
OH! CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?
105
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:07,500
EIGHT FOOT OF WATUTSI.
106
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:09,565
NOT ONE ON ANOTHER'S
SHOULDERS, OH, NO!
107
00:05:09,609 --> 00:05:11,099
EIGHT FOOT OF SOLID WATUTSI!
108
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,441
THAT'S WHAT I CALL TALL.
109
00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:14,639
YES, BUT IT'S NOTHING
TO DO WITH ARCHAEOLOGY.
110
00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:16,080
OH, TO HELL
WITH ARCHAEOLOGY!
111
00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:19,245
MAY I PLEASE SPEAK?
112
00:05:19,285 --> 00:05:21,719
I CAME
ALL THE WAY FROM OSLO
113
00:05:21,754 --> 00:05:22,846
TO DO THIS PROGRAM.
114
00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:24,652
I'M A PROFESSOR
OF ARCHAEOLOGY!
115
00:05:24,691 --> 00:05:26,886
I'M AN EXPERT IN
ANCIENT CIVILIZATIONS.
116
00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:29,417
ALL RIGHT, I'M
ONLY FIVE FOOT TEN.
117
00:05:29,462 --> 00:05:31,521
ALL RIGHT, MY
POSTURE IS BAD
118
00:05:31,564 --> 00:05:33,896
ALL RIGHT, I SLUMP
IN MY CHAIR.
119
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,696
BUT I'VE HAD MORE WOMEN
THAN EITHER OF YOU TWO!
120
00:05:36,736 --> 00:05:38,897
I'VE HAD
HALF OF BLOODY NORWAY
121
00:05:38,938 --> 00:05:39,996
THAT'S WHAT I'VE HAD!
122
00:05:40,039 --> 00:05:41,370
SO, YOU CAN KEEP
YOUR ROBERT EVERSLEY!
123
00:05:41,407 --> 00:05:43,307
AND KEEP
YOUR BLOODY WATUTSI!
124
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:47,279
I'D RATHER
HAVE MY LITTLE BODY!
125
00:05:47,313 --> 00:05:50,476
MY LITTLE, FIVE-FOOT-
TEN-INCH BODY.
126
00:05:54,587 --> 00:05:56,782
BLOODY FOOL, LOOK WHAT
YOU'VE DONE TO HIM.
127
00:05:56,823 --> 00:05:58,017
DON'T
"BLOODY FOOL" ME.
128
00:05:58,057 --> 00:05:59,388
I'LL DO WHAT I LIKE
129
00:05:59,425 --> 00:06:01,154
BECAUSE I'M
SIX FOOT FIVE
130
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:03,890
AND I EAT PUNKS LIKE
YOU FOR BREAKFAST.
131
00:06:08,067 --> 00:06:09,500
I'LL GET YOU
FOR THAT, EVERSLEY!
132
00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:10,934
I'LL GET YOU
IF I HAVE TO TRAVEL
133
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,595
TO THE FOUR CORNERS
OF THE EARTH!
134
00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:47,068
THE DIG WAS
GOING WELL THAT YEAR.
135
00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:49,540
WE'D DISCOVERED
SOME HITTITE BAKING DISHES
136
00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:50,974
FROM THE FIFTH DYNASTY.
137
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:53,910
AND SIR ROBERT WAS HAPPIER
THAN I'D EVER SEEN HIM.
138
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,608
WHY!
139
00:07:25,645 --> 00:07:29,911
A SUMERIAN DRINKING VESSEL
OF THE FOURTH DYNASTY.
140
00:07:35,888 --> 00:07:38,755
CATALOGUE THIS POT,
DANIELLE.
141
00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:41,021
IT'S... FOURTH DYNASTY.
142
00:07:41,093 --> 00:07:42,355
OH! IS IT?
143
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,955
YES, IT'S... SUMERIAN.
144
00:07:44,997 --> 00:07:47,124
OH, HOW WONDERFUL!
145
00:07:47,166 --> 00:07:50,260
OH, I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU.
146
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,702
I'M HAPPY, TOO.
147
00:07:51,737 --> 00:07:55,298
NOW AT LAST WE KNOW
THERE WAS A SUMERIAN INFLUENCE
148
00:07:55,341 --> 00:07:59,004
HERE IN ABU SIMNEL IN THE EARLY
PRE-DYNASTIC PERIOD
149
00:07:59,045 --> 00:08:02,879
2,000 YEARS BEFORE
THE REIGN OF TUTANKHAMEN.
150
00:08:26,739 --> 00:08:29,708
ALL RIGHT, EVERSLEY,
GET UP OUT OF THAT TRENCH.
151
00:08:29,742 --> 00:08:32,404
DON'T FORGET...
152
00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:34,538
I'M SIX FOOT FIVE.
153
00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:36,070
THAT DOESN'T WORRY ME.
154
00:08:36,148 --> 00:08:37,080
KASTNER!
155
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:38,673
HERE, LORD.
156
00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:40,777
UP!
157
00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:45,982
ELEVEN FOOT THREE?
158
00:08:46,025 --> 00:08:49,859
I'M SO TALL! I AM SO TALL!
159
00:08:51,898 --> 00:08:52,990
DANIELLE.
160
00:08:55,501 --> 00:08:56,934
ELEVEN FOOT SIX.
161
00:08:56,969 --> 00:08:58,095
DAMN YOU!
162
00:08:58,170 --> 00:08:59,467
ABDUL!
163
00:08:59,505 --> 00:09:01,530
FIFTEEN FOOT FOUR!
164
00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:03,041
MUSTAPHA!
165
00:09:03,075 --> 00:09:04,303
NINETEEN FOOT THREE!
166
00:09:04,343 --> 00:09:05,435
DAMN YOU!
167
00:09:30,803 --> 00:09:36,139
UH, AND THERE WE END THIS
EDITION OF ARCHAEOLOGY TODAY.
168
00:09:36,175 --> 00:09:40,043
NEXT WEEK, THE SILBURY DIG
BY COLE PORTER
169
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:43,412
WITH PEARL BAILEY
AND ARTHUR NEGUS.
170
00:09:45,451 --> 00:09:46,884
AND NOWAN APPEAL FOR SANITY
171
00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:48,682
FROM THE REVEREND
ARTHUR BELLING.
172
00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:53,522
YOU KNOW, THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE
IN THE COUNTRY TODAY
173
00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:57,723
WHO, THROUGH NO FAULT
OF THEIR OWN, ARE SANE.
174
00:09:57,763 --> 00:10:00,357
SOME OF THEM WERE BORN SANE.
175
00:10:00,399 --> 00:10:04,665
SOME OF THEM BECAME SANE
LATER IN THEIR LIVES.
176
00:10:04,704 --> 00:10:07,798
IT IS UP TO PEOPLE
LIKE YOU AND ME
177
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:11,435
WHO ARE OUT OF OUR
TINY LITTLE MINDS...
178
00:10:12,912 --> 00:10:15,904
TO TRY AND HELP THESE PEOPLE
OVERCOME THEIR SANITY.
179
00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:17,609
YOU CAN START IN SMALL WAYS
180
00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:19,948
WITH PING-PONG BALL EYES
AND A FUNNY VOICE
181
00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:22,420
AND THEN YOU CAN PAINT
HALF OF YOUR BODY RED
182
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:23,854
AND THE OTHER HALF GREEN
183
00:10:23,889 --> 00:10:26,824
AND THEN YOU CAN JUMP UP
AND DOWN IN A BOWL OF TREACLE
184
00:10:26,859 --> 00:10:27,826
GOING...
185
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:34,357
AND THEN YOU CAN GO,
"NEURH, NEURH, NEURH!"
186
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,334
AND THEN YOU CAN ROLL
AROUND ON THE FLOOR
187
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:38,667
GOING "PTING, PTING,
PTING, PTING."
188
00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:40,672
THE REVEREND ARTHUR BELLING
189
00:10:40,706 --> 00:10:43,698
IS VICAR OF ST. LOONY
UP THE CREAM BUN AND JAM.
190
00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:46,337
AND NOW...
191
00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:47,346
GOOD EVENING.
192
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:50,144
MY NAME IS LEAPY LEE.
193
00:10:50,182 --> 00:10:53,208
NO, SORRY... THAT'S THE NAME
OF ME FAVORITE SINGER.
194
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,082
MY NAME IS MRS. FRED STOLLE.
195
00:10:55,121 --> 00:10:56,816
NO, NO, MRS. FRED STOLLE IS
196
00:10:56,856 --> 00:10:59,222
THE WIFE OF ME FAVORITE
TENNIS PLAYER.
197
00:10:59,258 --> 00:11:00,452
MY NAME IS BANANAS.
198
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,518
NO, NO, THAT'S
ME FAVORITE FRUIT.
199
00:11:02,561 --> 00:11:04,825
I'M MRS. A-NICE-EVENING-
OUT-TO-THE-PICTURES-
200
00:11:04,864 --> 00:11:07,697
THEN-PERHAPS-A-DANCE-AT-A-CLUB-
THEN-BACK-TO-HIS-PLACE-
201
00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:10,133
FOR-A-QUICK-CUP-OF-COFFEE-
AND-A-LITTLE-BIT-OF...
202
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:11,431
NO, NO, SORRY.
203
00:11:11,470 --> 00:11:13,870
THAT'S ME FAVORITE WAY
OF SPENDING A NIGHT OUT.
204
00:11:13,906 --> 00:11:15,066
PERHAPS I AM LEAPY LEE.
205
00:11:15,107 --> 00:11:16,404
YES! I MUST BE LEAPY LEE!
206
00:11:16,442 --> 00:11:17,909
HELLO, FANS. LEAPY LEE HERE.
207
00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:21,969
HELLO?
208
00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:23,606
EVIDENTLY I'M NOT LEAPY LEE.
209
00:11:23,649 --> 00:11:25,480
I THOUGHT
I PROBABLY WOULDN'T BE.
210
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,008
THANK YOU, I'LL TELL THEM.
211
00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:29,613
HELLO, DENIS COMPTON HERE.
212
00:11:29,655 --> 00:11:31,680
NO, NO. I SHOULD HAVE
WRITTEN IT DOWN.
213
00:11:31,724 --> 00:11:33,123
NOW, WHERE'S THAT NUMBER?
214
00:11:33,159 --> 00:11:34,126
I'M MAO ZEDONG.
215
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:35,127
I'M P.P. ARNOLD.
216
00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:36,355
I'M MARGARET THATCHER.
217
00:11:36,395 --> 00:11:37,692
I'M SIR GERALD NABARRO.
218
00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:40,390
HELLO? SIR LEN HUTTON HERE.
219
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,128
COULD YOU TELL ME, PLEASE...
220
00:11:42,168 --> 00:11:43,157
OH, AM I?
221
00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:44,260
OH, THANK YOU.
222
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:45,735
GOOD EVENING.
223
00:11:45,771 --> 00:11:48,365
I'M MRS. WHAT-NUMBER-ARE-
YOU-DIALING-PLEASE?
224
00:11:56,182 --> 00:11:57,149
GOOD MORNING.
225
00:11:57,183 --> 00:11:58,150
GOOD MORNING.
226
00:11:58,184 --> 00:11:59,242
ARE YOU
THE REGISTRAR?
227
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:00,274
I HAVE
THAT FUNCTION.
228
00:12:00,352 --> 00:12:01,717
WELL, I WAS HERE
ON SATURDAY
229
00:12:01,754 --> 00:12:03,278
GETTING MARRIED
TO A BLOND GIRL
230
00:12:03,322 --> 00:12:04,789
AND I'D LIKE
TO CHANGE, PLEASE.
231
00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:06,519
I'D LIKE TO HAVE
THIS ONE INSTEAD, PLEASE.
232
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,116
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
233
00:12:07,159 --> 00:12:08,126
WELL, THE OTHER ONE
234
00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:09,286
WASN'T ANY GOOD
235
00:12:09,361 --> 00:12:11,056
SO I'D LIKE TO SWAP IT
FOR THIS ONE, PLEASE.
236
00:12:11,097 --> 00:12:12,291
I HAVE PAID;
I PAID ON SATURDAY.
237
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:13,490
HERE'S THE TICKET.
238
00:12:13,532 --> 00:12:15,523
AH, NO, THAT WAS WHEN
YOU WERE MARRIED.
239
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:18,093
YES, THAT WAS WHEN I WAS
MARRIED TO THE WRONG ONE.
240
00:12:18,137 --> 00:12:19,297
I DIDN'T LIKE
THE COLOR.
241
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:20,531
THIS IS THE ONE
I WANT TO HAVE.
242
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:21,904
SO, IF YOU COULD JUST
CHANGE THE FORMS ROUND
243
00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:23,101
I CAN TAKE THIS ONE
BACK WITH ME NOW.
244
00:12:23,142 --> 00:12:24,109
I CAN'T DO THAT.
245
00:12:24,143 --> 00:12:26,077
LOOK, MAKE IT SIMPLE,
I'LL PAY AGAIN.
246
00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:27,101
NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
247
00:12:27,146 --> 00:12:28,113
LOOK, ALL I WANT
YOU TO DO
248
00:12:28,147 --> 00:12:29,114
IS CHANGE THE WIFE
249
00:12:29,148 --> 00:12:30,206
SAY THE WORDS,
"BLAH, BLAH, BLAH"
250
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:31,546
BACK TO MY PLACE,
NO QUESTIONS ASKED.
251
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,142
I'M SORRY, SIR, BUT WE'RE
NOT ALLOWED TO CHANGE.
252
00:12:33,185 --> 00:12:34,516
YOU CAN AT HARRODS.
253
00:12:34,553 --> 00:12:35,315
YOU CAN'T.
254
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:36,888
YOU CAN; I CHANGED
MY RECORD PLAYER
255
00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:38,082
AND THERE WASN'T A GRUMBLE.
256
00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:38,954
IT'S DIFFERENT.
257
00:12:38,991 --> 00:12:40,117
AND I CHANGED MY PET SNAKE.
258
00:12:40,159 --> 00:12:41,524
AND I CHANGED MY ROBIN DAY TIE.
259
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:42,959
WELL, YOU CAN'T CHANGE
A BLOODY WIFE!
260
00:12:42,995 --> 00:12:44,053
OH, ALL RIGHT!
261
00:12:44,096 --> 00:12:46,326
WELL, CAN I BORROW ONE
FOR THE WEEKEND?
262
00:12:46,398 --> 00:12:46,989
NO!
263
00:12:47,032 --> 00:12:48,056
OH, BLIMEY!
264
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,590
I ONLY WANTED A JOLLY GOOD...
265
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:52,798
ALL RIGHT, BREAK IT UP.
266
00:12:52,838 --> 00:12:54,135
WHAT'S YOUR
NUMBER, THEN?
267
00:12:54,173 --> 00:12:55,140
ALL RIGHT. NAME?
268
00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:56,163
COOK.
269
00:13:03,315 --> 00:13:04,782
NEXT, PLEASE. NAME?
270
00:13:04,817 --> 00:13:05,784
UH, WATSON.
271
00:13:05,818 --> 00:13:06,785
MR. WATSON.
272
00:13:06,819 --> 00:13:07,786
UH, NO... DOCTOR.
273
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:09,583
AH, MR. DOCTOR.
274
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:10,782
NO, NOT MISTER... DOCTOR.
275
00:13:10,823 --> 00:13:12,347
OH. DR. DOCTOR.
276
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:13,686
NO. DR. WATSON.
277
00:13:13,726 --> 00:13:16,524
DR. WATSON DOCTOR.
278
00:13:16,562 --> 00:13:17,927
OH, JUST CALL ME DARLING.
279
00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:18,725
HELLO, MR. DARLING.
280
00:13:18,764 --> 00:13:19,992
NO... DOCTOR!
281
00:13:20,032 --> 00:13:21,021
HELLO, DOCTOR DARLING.
282
00:13:24,236 --> 00:13:26,204
BUT AT WEMBLEY,
PLAY HAD RESUMED.
283
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:35,980
MEANWHILE, NEARBY
284
00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:38,745
THE DAY WAS JUST BEGINNING
FOR MUGSY SPANIEL
285
00:13:38,784 --> 00:13:41,651
A CONVICTED GANGSTER
AND WELL-KNOWN SWELL GUY.
286
00:13:41,687 --> 00:13:42,779
BREAKFAST, DEAR.
287
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,255
OH, THANK YOU, DEAR.
288
00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:49,388
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MUGSY.
289
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:52,922
EN JOY THE EGGS.
290
00:13:52,965 --> 00:13:56,366
YES, INDEED, THIS WAS THE WORK
OF NONE OTHER THAN EGGS DIAMOND
291
00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:58,393
LEADER OF THE NOTORIOUS
CHICKEN GANG.
292
00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:09,009
DIMSDALE.
293
00:14:09,048 --> 00:14:10,538
WITH THE CHICKEN GANG
OFF THE BLOTTER
294
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:13,017
A MAN'S LIFE WASN'T WORTH
THE PAPER IT WAS PRINTED ON.
295
00:14:13,052 --> 00:14:15,520
ALREADY THERE HAVE BEEN MURDERS
COMMITTED HERE AND HERE
296
00:14:15,554 --> 00:14:16,953
AND THE LATEST ONE RIGHT HERE.
297
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:20,424
HE'S RIGHT,
YOU KNOW.
298
00:14:21,894 --> 00:14:24,328
THE POWERFUL FORCES
EGGS HAD LOOSED ON THE CITY
299
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:25,557
WERE TO BE HIS UNDOING.
300
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:27,361
RETURN WITH US NOW
TO THE HIDEOUT.
301
00:14:37,243 --> 00:14:40,406
THESE AND OTHER FASCINATING LIES
ARE YOURS FOR THE READING
302
00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:42,573
IN THIS BEAUTIFULLY
BOUND VOLUME.
303
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:43,980
BUY IT NOW, SUCKERS.
304
00:14:44,016 --> 00:14:47,452
THIS IS AN IDEAL GIFT...
A MUST FOR ALL YOU OUT THERE
305
00:14:47,486 --> 00:14:51,047
WHO LONG TO SOUND CLEVER
AT YOUR NEXT COCKTAIL PARTY.
306
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,152
AH, JOHN...
307
00:14:56,195 --> 00:14:58,857
ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE
MY NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR.
308
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,229
JOHN STOKES
309
00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:02,564
THIS IS A SNIVELING
LITTLE RAT-FACED GIT.
310
00:15:02,601 --> 00:15:04,865
HELLO, I NOTICED A
SLIGHT LOOK OF ANXIETY
311
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,065
CROSS YOUR FACE
FOR A MOMENT JUST THEN.
312
00:15:07,106 --> 00:15:09,199
BUT YOU NEEDN'T WORRY,
I'M USED TO IT.
313
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:10,265
THAT'S THE TROUBLE
314
00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:11,833
OF HAVING
A SURNAME LIKE "GIT."
315
00:15:11,877 --> 00:15:13,071
OH... YES, YES.
316
00:15:13,112 --> 00:15:14,841
WE THOUGHT ABOUT
CHANGING IT BY DEED-POLL
317
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:16,313
TO WATSON
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
318
00:15:16,348 --> 00:15:18,213
BUT A SNIVELING LITTLE
RAT-FACED WATSON'S
319
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,217
JUST AS BAD, EH?
320
00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:20,582
YES, YES, I SUPPOSE SO.
321
00:15:20,619 --> 00:15:22,348
OH, THAT'S MY WIFE.
322
00:15:22,388 --> 00:15:25,653
DARLING, COME AND MEET
MR... WHAT WAS IT?
323
00:15:25,691 --> 00:15:27,818
STOKES,
JOHN STOKES.
324
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:29,987
OH, YES. JOHN STOKES,
THIS IS MY WIFE
325
00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:31,496
DREARY FAT
BORING OLD.
326
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:34,589
OH, UH, HOW DO YOU DO?
327
00:15:34,633 --> 00:15:36,191
HOW DO YOU DO?
328
00:15:36,235 --> 00:15:38,100
DARLING,
THERE YOU ARE.
329
00:15:38,137 --> 00:15:39,434
YES, YES,
HERE I AM, YES.
330
00:15:39,471 --> 00:15:40,597
OH, IS THIS
YOUR WIFE?
331
00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:42,402
YES, YES, YES,
THIS IS THE WIFE.
332
00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:43,601
YES.
333
00:15:43,642 --> 00:15:45,610
UM... DARLING,
THESE...
334
00:15:45,644 --> 00:15:47,373
THESE ARE THE GITS.
335
00:15:47,413 --> 00:15:48,402
WHAT?
336
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:49,505
THE GITS.
337
00:15:49,581 --> 00:15:51,310
OH, HEAVEN'S SAKES,
WE ARE BEING FORMAL.
338
00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:52,510
DOES IT HAVE
TO BE SURNAMES?
339
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:53,846
OH, NO, NO.
340
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,114
NOT AT ALL.
341
00:15:55,154 --> 00:15:58,521
UM, NO, THIS...
THIS IS MY WIFE, NORAH.
342
00:15:58,590 --> 00:16:01,821
UH... NORAH JANE,
NORAH JANE STOKES.
343
00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:05,489
THIS IS SNIVELING
LITTLE RAT-FACED GIT.
344
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:07,362
AND THIS IS
HIS WIFE
345
00:16:07,399 --> 00:16:09,367
DREARY FAT
BORING OLD GIT.
346
00:16:09,401 --> 00:16:11,164
I WAS JUST TELLING
YOUR HUSBAND
347
00:16:11,203 --> 00:16:12,534
WHAT AN AWFUL
BORE IT IS
348
00:16:12,604 --> 00:16:14,094
HAVING A SURNAME
LIKE GIT.
349
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:17,199
OH! OH, WELL,
IT'S NOT THAT BAD.
350
00:16:17,242 --> 00:16:19,642
OH, YOU'VE NO IDEA
HOW THE KIDS GET TAUNTED.
351
00:16:19,678 --> 00:16:22,146
WHY, ONLY LAST WEEK
DIRTY LYING LITTLE TWO-FACED
352
00:16:22,181 --> 00:16:24,809
CAME RUNNING HOME FROM SCHOOL,
SOBBING HIS EYES OUT
353
00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:27,785
AND OUR YOUNGEST, GHASTLY
SPOTTY HORRIBLE VICIOUS LITTLE
354
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:29,014
IS JUST AT THE AGE
355
00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:31,682
WHEN TAUNTS LIKE
"SHE'S A GIT" REALLY HURT.
356
00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:34,921
YES.
357
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:36,427
DO... DO YOU
LIVE ROUND HERE?
358
00:16:36,462 --> 00:16:38,362
YES, WE LIVE UP
THE ROAD, NUMBER 49...
359
00:16:38,397 --> 00:16:39,386
YOU CAN'T MISS IT.
360
00:16:39,431 --> 00:16:41,160
WE'VE JUST HAD
THE OUTSIDE PAINTED
361
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:42,167
WITH WARM PUS.
362
00:16:42,201 --> 00:16:43,327
IT'S VERY NICE,
ACTUALLY.
363
00:16:43,369 --> 00:16:45,337
GOES NICELY WITH
THE VOMIT AND CATARRH
364
00:16:45,371 --> 00:16:47,430
WE'VE HAD SMEARED
OVER THE FRONT DOOR.
365
00:16:47,473 --> 00:16:48,838
I THINK WE OUGHT
TO BE GOING.
366
00:16:48,874 --> 00:16:50,432
WE HAVE TWO CHILDREN
TO COLLECT.
367
00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:52,774
OH, WELL, BRING THEM
ROUND FOR TEA TOMORROW.
368
00:16:52,811 --> 00:16:55,041
IT'S GHASTLY SPOTTY
CROSS-EYED'S BIRTHDAY
369
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,173
AND SHE'S HAVING A
DISEMBOWELING PARTY
370
00:16:57,216 --> 00:16:58,581
FOR A FEW FRIENDS.
371
00:16:58,617 --> 00:17:01,586
THE NAUSEAS WILL BE THERE,
AND DOUG AND JANICE MUCUS
372
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,416
AND THE RECTUMS
FROM SWANAGE.
373
00:17:11,296 --> 00:17:12,593
AH, JOHN...
374
00:17:12,631 --> 00:17:15,395
ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE
MY NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR.
375
00:17:15,434 --> 00:17:17,026
JOHN, THIS IS MR. WATSON.
376
00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:19,128
HELLO, I NOTICED A
SLIGHT LOOK OF ANXIETY
377
00:17:19,171 --> 00:17:20,433
CROSS YOUR FACE
JUST THEN
378
00:17:20,472 --> 00:17:21,769
BUT YOU NEEDN'T WORRY...
379
00:17:21,807 --> 00:17:24,241
I PREFERRED THE DIRTY VERSION.
380
00:17:27,146 --> 00:17:29,546
WELL, I'VE BEEN A HUNTER
ALL MY LIFE.
381
00:17:29,581 --> 00:17:30,548
I LOVE ANIMALS.
382
00:17:30,582 --> 00:17:32,607
THAT'S WHY I LIKE TO KILL 'EM.
383
00:17:32,651 --> 00:17:34,812
I WOULDN'T KILL AN ANIMAL
I DIDN'T LIKE.
384
00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:37,950
GOOD DAY, ROY.
385
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:41,118
HANK AND ROY SPIM ARE
TOUGH, FEARLESS BACKWOODSMEN
386
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:42,627
WHO HAVE CHOSEN TO LIVE
387
00:17:42,661 --> 00:17:45,630
IN A VIOLENT, UNRELENTING
WORLD OF NATURE'S CREATURES
388
00:17:45,697 --> 00:17:47,494
WHERE ONLY THE FITTEST SURVIVE.
389
00:17:47,533 --> 00:17:49,865
TODAY THEY ARE OFF
TO HUNT MOSQUITOES.
390
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,234
THE MOSQUITO'S A
CLEVER LITTLE BASTARD.
391
00:17:52,271 --> 00:17:54,136
YOU CAN TRACK HIM
FOR DAYS AND DAYS
392
00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:56,641
UNTIL YOU REALLY GET TO KNOW HIM
LIKE A FRIEND.
393
00:17:56,708 --> 00:17:59,233
HE KNOWS YOU'RE THERE,
AND YOU KNOW HE'S THERE.
394
00:17:59,278 --> 00:18:00,575
IT'S A GAME OF WITS.
395
00:18:00,612 --> 00:18:02,546
YOU HATE HIM,
THEN YOU RESPECT HIM
396
00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:04,446
THEN YOU KILL HIM.
397
00:18:04,483 --> 00:18:07,680
SUDDENLY, HANK SPOTS
THE MOSQUITO THEY'RE AFTER.
398
00:18:11,457 --> 00:18:12,651
NOW MORE THAN EVER
399
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:15,386
THEY MUST RELY ON THE SKILLS
THEY HAVE LEARNT
400
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:17,019
FROM A LIFETIME'S HUNTING.
401
00:18:20,399 --> 00:18:22,458
HANK GAUGES THE WIND.
402
00:18:23,635 --> 00:18:26,627
ROY EXAMINES
THE MOSQUITO'S SPOOR.
403
00:18:30,476 --> 00:18:31,943
THEN...
404
00:18:46,325 --> 00:18:47,622
IT'S A SUCCESS.
405
00:18:47,659 --> 00:18:49,889
THE MOSQUITO NOW IS DEAD.
406
00:18:49,928 --> 00:18:51,987
BUT ROY MUST MAKE SURE.
407
00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:57,397
THERE'S NOTHING MORE DANGEROUS
THAN A WOUNDED MOSQUITO.
408
00:18:57,436 --> 00:18:59,996
BUT THE HUNT IS NOT OVER.
409
00:19:00,038 --> 00:19:03,405
WITH WELL-PRACTICED SKILL,
HANK SKINS THE MOSQUITO.
410
00:19:03,442 --> 00:19:07,435
THE WINGS OF A FULLY GROWN
MALE MOSQUITO CAN FETCH ANYTHING
411
00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:10,141
UP TO.8 OF A PENNY
ON THE OPEN MARKET.
412
00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:19,654
THE LONG DAY IS OVER
413
00:19:19,691 --> 00:19:25,095
AND IT'S BACK TO BASE CAMP
FOR A NIGHT'S REST.
414
00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:27,360
HERE, SURROUNDED
BY THEIR TROPHIES
415
00:19:27,399 --> 00:19:31,563
ROY AND HANK PREPARE FOR A MUCH
TOUGHER ORDEAL... A MOTH HUNT.
416
00:19:31,603 --> 00:19:34,037
WELL, I FOLLOW THE MOTH
IN THE HELICOPTER
417
00:19:34,072 --> 00:19:35,869
TO LURE IT AWAY
FROM THE FLOWERS
418
00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:38,934
AND THEN ROY COMES ALONG
IN THE LOCKHEED STAR FIGHTER
419
00:19:38,977 --> 00:19:41,571
AND ATTACKS IT
WITH AIR-TO-AIR MISSILES.
420
00:19:41,613 --> 00:19:44,275
A LOT OF PEOPLE
HAVE ASKED US
421
00:19:44,316 --> 00:19:46,750
WHY WE DON'T
USE FLY SPRAY.
422
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:49,844
WELL, WHERE'S
THE SPORT IN THAT?
423
00:19:49,888 --> 00:19:52,482
FOR ROY, SPORT IS EVERYTHING.
424
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:56,051
EVER SINCE HE LOST HIS LEFT ARM
BATTLING WITH AN ANT
425
00:19:56,094 --> 00:20:00,030
ROY HAS RISKED HIS LIFE IN
THE PURSUIT OF TINY CREATURES.
426
00:20:02,668 --> 00:20:05,967
BUT IT'S NOT ALL WORK,
AND FOR RELAXATION
427
00:20:06,004 --> 00:20:09,599
THEY LIKE NOTHING MORE
THAN A DAY'S FISHING.
428
00:20:16,315 --> 00:20:20,513
WHEREVER THERE IS A CHALLENGE,
HANK AND ROY SPIM WILL BE THERE
429
00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:23,385
READY TO CARRY ON
THE PRIMORDIAL STRUGGLE
430
00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:26,289
BETWEEN MAN
AND INOFFENSIVE, TINY INSECTS.
431
00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:45,973
OH, I'VE HAD
SUCH A MORNING
432
00:20:46,011 --> 00:20:47,273
IN THE HIGH COURT.
433
00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:48,802
I COULD STAMP
MY LITTLE FEET
434
00:20:48,847 --> 00:20:50,405
THE WAY THOSE Q.C. S
CARRY ON.
435
00:20:50,449 --> 00:20:51,575
DON'T I KNOW IT, LOVE.
436
00:20:51,617 --> 00:20:53,278
OBJECTION HERE,
OBJECTION THERE.
437
00:20:53,318 --> 00:20:54,512
AND THAT
NICE POLICEMAN
438
00:20:54,553 --> 00:20:56,043
GIVING HIS
EVIDENCE SO WELL...
439
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,419
BEAUTIFUL
SPEAKING VOICE.
440
00:20:57,456 --> 00:20:58,753
WELL, AFTER A BIT
441
00:20:58,790 --> 00:21:00,951
ALL I COULD DO WAS
BANG MY LITTLE GAVEL.
442
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:01,687
YOU WHAT, LOVE?
443
00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:02,989
I BANGED ME GAVEL.
444
00:21:03,028 --> 00:21:05,292
I DID ME "SILENCE
IN COURT" BIT.
445
00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:06,627
OH! IF LOOKS COULD KILL
446
00:21:06,665 --> 00:21:09,566
THAT PROSECUTING COUNSEL
WOULD BE IN FOR 30 YEARS.
447
00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:11,091
HOW DID YOUR
SUMMING UP GO?
448
00:21:11,136 --> 00:21:12,228
I WAS PLEASED, ACTUALLY.
449
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,000
I WAS TRYING TO
HAVE A BUTCH VOICE:
450
00:21:14,039 --> 00:21:15,973
"WHAT THE
JURY MUST UNDERSTAND..."
451
00:21:16,008 --> 00:21:17,134
AND THEY LOVED IT.
452
00:21:17,175 --> 00:21:18,608
I COULD SEE
THAT FOREMAN EYEING ME.
453
00:21:18,644 --> 00:21:19,406
REALLY?
454
00:21:19,444 --> 00:21:20,468
YES, CHEEKY DEVIL.
455
00:21:20,512 --> 00:21:21,672
WAS HE THAT TALL MAN WITH?
456
00:21:21,713 --> 00:21:22,941
NO, JUST A MINUTE,
I MUST FINISH.
457
00:21:22,981 --> 00:21:24,380
ANYWAY, I
FINISHED UP WITH:
458
00:21:24,416 --> 00:21:26,646
"THE ACTIONS
OF THESE VICIOUS MEN
459
00:21:26,685 --> 00:21:28,346
"IS A VIOLENT STAIN
ON THE COMMUNITY
460
00:21:28,387 --> 00:21:29,854
"AND THE FULL
PENALTY OF THE LAW
461
00:21:29,921 --> 00:21:31,013
"IS SCARCELY SUFFICIENT
462
00:21:31,056 --> 00:21:32,717
TO DEAL WITH
THEIR GHASTLY CRIMES."
463
00:21:32,758 --> 00:21:33,622
AND I WAGGLED MY WIG.
464
00:21:33,659 --> 00:21:34,717
JUST EVER SO SLIGHTLY
465
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:36,250
BUT IT WAS
A STUNNING EFFECT.
466
00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:37,489
OH, I BET IT WAS...
467
00:21:37,529 --> 00:21:39,861
LIKE THAT SUPER TIME
I WORE THAT STRIPED ROBE
468
00:21:39,898 --> 00:21:41,229
IN THE MAGISTRATES COURT.
469
00:21:41,266 --> 00:21:42,290
OH, AYE.
470
00:21:45,170 --> 00:21:46,762
HELLO, MRS. THING.
471
00:21:46,805 --> 00:21:48,363
HELLO, MRS. ENTITY.
472
00:21:48,407 --> 00:21:50,272
HOW ARE YOU, THEN?
473
00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:51,867
OH, I HAVE HAD A MORNING.
474
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:52,966
BUSY?
475
00:21:53,011 --> 00:21:53,978
BUSY? HUH!
476
00:21:54,012 --> 00:21:55,001
I GOT UP AT 5:00
477
00:21:55,047 --> 00:21:56,639
I MADE MYSELF
A CUP OF TEA
478
00:21:56,682 --> 00:21:58,309
I LOOKED OUT
OF THE WINDOW.
479
00:21:58,350 --> 00:22:00,284
WELL, BY THEN
I WAS SO WORN OUT
480
00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:02,446
I HAD TO COME
AND HAVE A SIT-DOWN.
481
00:22:02,487 --> 00:22:04,216
I'VE BEEN HERE
FOR SEVEN HOURS.
482
00:22:04,256 --> 00:22:06,349
YOU MUST BE EXHAUSTED.
483
00:22:06,391 --> 00:22:07,881
OH, HAVE YOU
BEEN SHOPPING?
484
00:22:07,959 --> 00:22:09,426
NO, I'VE BEEN SHOPPING.
485
00:22:09,461 --> 00:22:10,428
FUNNY.
486
00:22:10,462 --> 00:22:11,429
I'M WORN OUT.
487
00:22:11,463 --> 00:22:13,158
I'VE BEEN SHOPPING
FOR SIX HOURS.
488
00:22:13,198 --> 00:22:14,597
WHAT HAVE YOU
BOUGHT, THEN?
489
00:22:14,633 --> 00:22:15,600
NOTHING.
490
00:22:15,634 --> 00:22:16,601
NOTHING AT ALL.
491
00:22:16,635 --> 00:22:18,227
A COMPLETE
WASTE OF TIME.
492
00:22:18,270 --> 00:22:19,294
WICKED, ISN'T IT?
493
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:20,498
WICKED, IT'LL BE WORSE
494
00:22:20,539 --> 00:22:22,166
WHEN WE JOIN
THE COMMON MARKET.
495
00:22:22,207 --> 00:22:24,903
THAT NICE MR. HEATH
WOULD NEVER ALLOW THAT.
496
00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:26,807
IT'S FUNNY
HE NEVER MARRIED.
497
00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:28,142
HE'S A BACHELOR.
498
00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:30,080
OOH! THAT WOULD
EXPLAIN IT.
499
00:22:30,115 --> 00:22:31,207
OH, DEAR ME
500
00:22:31,249 --> 00:22:33,740
ALL THIS CHATTING AWAY
WEARS ME OUT.
501
00:22:33,785 --> 00:22:35,719
YES. I BET
MRS. REGINALD MAUDLING
502
00:22:35,754 --> 00:22:38,450
DOESN'T HAVE TO PUT UP
WITH ALL THIS DRUDGERY
503
00:22:38,490 --> 00:22:40,458
GETTING UP AT 5:00
IN THE MORNING
504
00:22:40,492 --> 00:22:41,652
MAKING A CUP OF TEA
505
00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:44,161
LOOKING OUT OF THE WINDOW,
CHATTING AWAY.
506
00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:45,857
NO! IT'D ALL
BE DONE FOR HER.
507
00:22:45,897 --> 00:22:47,626
YES, SHE'D HAVE
THE WHOLE DAY FREE
508
00:22:47,666 --> 00:22:48,724
FOR PLAYING SNOOKER.
509
00:22:48,767 --> 00:22:50,029
SHE PROBABLY WOULDN'T GO
510
00:22:50,068 --> 00:22:52,332
THROUGH ALL THE DRUDGERY
OF PLAYING SNOOKER
511
00:22:52,371 --> 00:22:53,429
DAY IN, DAY OUT.
512
00:22:53,472 --> 00:22:55,167
NO, IT WOULD ALL
BE DONE FOR HER.
513
00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:57,232
SHE WOULDN'T EVEN
HAVE TO LIFT A CUE.
514
00:22:57,275 --> 00:22:58,572
SHE PROBABLY
DOESN'T EVEN KNOW
515
00:22:58,610 --> 00:22:59,804
WHAT A BILLIARD
ROOM IS.
516
00:22:59,845 --> 00:23:02,075
NO... STILL, IT'S NOT
AS BAD AS THE OLD DAYS.
517
00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:03,376
MRS. STANLEY BALDWIN
518
00:23:03,415 --> 00:23:06,282
USED TO HAVE TO GET UP
AT 5:00 IN THE MORNING
519
00:23:06,318 --> 00:23:08,252
AND GO OUT
AND CATCH PARTRIDGES
520
00:23:08,286 --> 00:23:09,583
WITH HER BARE HANDS.
521
00:23:09,621 --> 00:23:11,486
YES, AND MRS. WILLIAM
PITT THE ELDER
522
00:23:11,523 --> 00:23:13,047
USED TO HAVE TO
GET UP AT 3:00
523
00:23:13,091 --> 00:23:14,558
AND GO BURROWING
FOR TRUFFLES
524
00:23:14,593 --> 00:23:16,060
WITH THE BRIDGE
OF HER NOSE.
525
00:23:16,094 --> 00:23:19,222
MRS. BEETHOVEN USED TO
HAVE TO GET UP AT MIDNIGHT
526
00:23:19,264 --> 00:23:20,959
TO SPUR ON
THE MYNAH BIRD.
527
00:23:20,999 --> 00:23:22,830
LAZY CREATURES,
MYNAH BIRDS.
528
00:23:22,868 --> 00:23:23,835
YES.
529
00:23:23,869 --> 00:23:25,928
WHEN BEETHOVEN WENT DEAF
530
00:23:25,971 --> 00:23:28,735
THE MYNAH BIRD JUST
USED TO MIME.
531
00:23:28,774 --> 00:23:30,207
OOH! WHAT'S HAPPENING?
532
00:23:30,242 --> 00:23:31,209
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
533
00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:32,972
IT'S ONLY A FLASHBACK.
534
00:23:41,286 --> 00:23:43,720
YOU DON'T FOOL ME,
YOU STUPID MYNAH BIRD.
535
00:23:43,755 --> 00:23:44,779
I'M NOT DEAF YET.
536
00:23:44,823 --> 00:23:45,983
JUST YOU WAIT.
537
00:23:48,927 --> 00:23:49,655
OH! BUGGER.
538
00:23:49,694 --> 00:23:50,991
SHUT UP!
539
00:23:51,096 --> 00:23:52,654
RIGHT IN THE WING.
540
00:23:52,697 --> 00:23:54,096
SHUT YOUR BEAK!
541
00:23:54,132 --> 00:23:57,363
GOTT IN HIMMEL,
I NEVER GET ANY PEACE HERE.
542
00:24:03,508 --> 00:24:04,668
LUDWIG!
543
00:24:04,709 --> 00:24:05,733
WHAT?!
544
00:24:05,777 --> 00:24:07,267
HAVE YOU SEEN
THE SUGAR BOWL?!
545
00:24:07,312 --> 00:24:09,610
NO, I HAVEN'T SEEN
THE BLOODY SUGAR BOWL!
546
00:24:09,648 --> 00:24:10,945
YOU KNOW,
THE SUGAR BOWL!
547
00:24:10,982 --> 00:24:12,108
SOD THE SUGAR BOWL!
548
00:24:12,150 --> 00:24:14,345
I'M TRYING TO FINISH
THIS STINKING TUNE!
549
00:24:15,754 --> 00:24:17,016
IT'S DRIVING ME SPARE!
550
00:24:17,055 --> 00:24:18,647
SO SHUT UP!
551
00:24:25,730 --> 00:24:27,288
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
552
00:24:30,101 --> 00:24:32,035
LUDWIG, HAVE YOU SEEN
THE JAM SPOON?!
553
00:24:32,103 --> 00:24:33,161
STUFF THE JAM SPOON!
554
00:24:33,205 --> 00:24:35,230
IT WAS IN
THE SUGAR BOWL!
555
00:24:35,273 --> 00:24:37,332
LOOK, GET OUT,
YOU OLD RAT-BAG!
556
00:24:37,375 --> 00:24:38,501
BUZZ OFF AND SHUT UP!
557
00:24:38,543 --> 00:24:40,670
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU SEE IN THAT PIANO!
558
00:24:40,712 --> 00:24:42,509
LEAVE ME ALONE!
559
00:24:46,117 --> 00:24:49,746
I'VE GOT IT! I'VE GOT IT!
560
00:24:51,623 --> 00:24:53,056
DO YOU WANT
PEANUT BUTTER
561
00:24:53,124 --> 00:24:55,058
OR SANDWICH SPREAD
FOR YOUR TEA?
562
00:24:55,126 --> 00:24:56,058
WHAT?!
563
00:24:56,127 --> 00:24:57,355
PEANUT BUTTER!
564
00:24:57,395 --> 00:24:58,362
I'VE FORGOTTEN IT!
565
00:24:58,396 --> 00:25:00,694
I HAD IT! I HAD IT!
566
00:25:00,732 --> 00:25:02,063
DO YOU WANT
PEANUT BUTTER
567
00:25:02,100 --> 00:25:03,192
OR SANDWICH SPREAD?!
568
00:25:03,235 --> 00:25:04,600
I DON'T CARE!
569
00:25:04,636 --> 00:25:06,331
OOH! I DON'T KNOW.
570
00:25:09,908 --> 00:25:10,897
I HAD IT.
571
00:25:10,942 --> 00:25:13,536
I HAD IT, YOU OLD BAG.
572
00:25:14,579 --> 00:25:17,605
MEIN LIEBER GOTT!
573
00:25:17,649 --> 00:25:19,378
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
574
00:25:20,986 --> 00:25:23,079
WHAT'S THAT?!
575
00:25:23,188 --> 00:25:24,621
IT'S THE
PLUMBER!
576
00:25:27,158 --> 00:25:29,854
GOTT IN HIMMEL,
I'M GOING OUT!
577
00:25:29,895 --> 00:25:31,362
WELL, IF YOU'RE GOING OUT
578
00:25:31,396 --> 00:25:34,229
DON'T FORGET WE'VE GOT THE
MENDELSSOHNS COMING FOR TEA
579
00:25:34,266 --> 00:25:36,097
SO DON'T FORGET
TO ORDER SOME PIKELETS!
580
00:25:36,201 --> 00:25:38,328
PIKELETS! PIKELETS!
581
00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:40,099
SHAKESPEARE NEVER HAD
THIS TROUBLE.
582
00:25:40,205 --> 00:25:41,604
DO YOU WANT TO BET?
583
00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:43,505
INCIDENTALLY, IT'S...
584
00:25:48,179 --> 00:25:49,373
YOU'RE RIGHT!
585
00:25:49,414 --> 00:25:51,507
INCIDENTALLY,
WHY NOT CALL HIM HAMLET?
586
00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:55,452
HAMLET! I LIKE,
MUCH BETTER THAN DAVID.
587
00:25:55,487 --> 00:25:57,717
MICHELANGELO, YOU CAN USE DAVID.
588
00:25:57,756 --> 00:25:58,984
I WON'T SUE.
589
00:25:59,024 --> 00:26:01,322
THANKS, BUT I'VE HAD
A BETTER IDEA.
590
00:26:04,763 --> 00:26:05,923
MICHELANGELO!
591
00:26:05,964 --> 00:26:06,931
YES, DEAR!
592
00:26:06,965 --> 00:26:09,024
I'VE HAD ANOTHER SON.
593
00:26:09,067 --> 00:26:10,557
OH, MY LIFE.
594
00:26:10,602 --> 00:26:11,569
COMPOSER?
595
00:26:11,603 --> 00:26:13,867
I WOULDN'T WISH IT ON MY SON.
596
00:26:13,905 --> 00:26:16,271
HE'S A SENSITIVE BOY, ALREADY.
597
00:26:16,308 --> 00:26:19,402
I'D RATHER HE WAS A SEWAGE
ATTENDANT OR A RAT CATCHER.
598
00:26:30,322 --> 00:26:34,156
AHA! RATS AT 42A
KARTOFFELNSTRASSE.
599
00:26:34,225 --> 00:26:36,693
HEY, MITZI! I'VE GOT TO GO
TO POTATO STREET.
600
00:26:36,728 --> 00:26:38,525
PUT YOUR GALOSHES ON.
601
00:26:42,300 --> 00:26:43,858
DEPRESSED BY RATS?
602
00:26:43,902 --> 00:26:45,836
DO MICE GET YOU DOWN?
603
00:26:45,870 --> 00:26:48,498
THEN WHY NOT VISIT
COLIN MOZART'S
604
00:26:48,540 --> 00:26:50,940
RODENT EXTERMINATING
BOUTIQUE?
605
00:26:50,976 --> 00:26:54,173
RATS EXTIRPATED, MICE PUNISHED
606
00:26:54,279 --> 00:26:57,680
VOLES TORN APART
BY COLIN MOZART
607
00:26:57,716 --> 00:27:02,176
MUNICH'S LEADING
FURRY ANIMAL LIQUIDATOR.
608
00:27:16,034 --> 00:27:17,001
YES?
609
00:27:17,035 --> 00:27:18,002
COLIN MOZART.
610
00:27:18,036 --> 00:27:19,663
OH, THANK GOODNESS
YOU'VE COME.
611
00:27:19,704 --> 00:27:21,171
WE'RE HAVING
A TERRIBLE TIME
612
00:27:21,206 --> 00:27:22,468
WITH THEM
BLEEDING RATS.
613
00:27:22,507 --> 00:27:23,667
I THINK THEY LIVE
614
00:27:23,708 --> 00:27:25,642
IN HIS STUPID
PIANO ALREADY.
615
00:27:25,677 --> 00:27:27,611
GET OUT
THE BLOODY PIANO
616
00:27:27,646 --> 00:27:29,546
YOU STUPID, FURRY,
BUCKTOOTHED GITS!
617
00:27:29,581 --> 00:27:30,912
GET OUT!
618
00:27:36,121 --> 00:27:37,884
GOTT IN HIMMEL!
619
00:27:37,922 --> 00:27:40,516
GET YOUR STINKING TAIL
OUT OF MY FACE.
620
00:27:47,999 --> 00:27:49,057
SHUT UP!
621
00:27:53,471 --> 00:27:55,905
SO ANYWAY, BEETHOVEN
WAS RATHER GLAD
622
00:27:55,940 --> 00:27:57,237
WHEN HE WENT DEAF.
623
00:28:06,584 --> 00:28:07,642
WELL, I WAS
EVER SO GLAD
624
00:28:07,686 --> 00:28:09,153
THEY ABOLISHED
HANGING, YOU KNOW
625
00:28:09,187 --> 00:28:11,178
BECAUSE THAT BLACK CAP
JUST DIDN'T SUIT ME.
626
00:28:11,222 --> 00:28:12,189
YES, DO
YOU REMEMBER
627
00:28:12,223 --> 00:28:13,417
THE GLASGOW
TREASON TRIAL?
628
00:28:13,458 --> 00:28:15,585
OH, YES, I WORE A BODY
STOCKING ALL THROUGH IT.
629
00:28:15,627 --> 00:28:17,151
NO, HEN, AT
THE PARTY AFTERWARDS.
630
00:28:17,195 --> 00:28:18,890
OH, THAT'S RIGHT,
YOU WERE WALKING OUT
631
00:28:18,930 --> 00:28:20,727
WITH THAT VERY BUTCH
CLERK OF THE COURT.
632
00:28:20,765 --> 00:28:23,256
THAT'S RIGHT... HE MADE ME
WANT TO TURN QUEEN'S EVIDENCE.
633
00:28:31,309 --> 00:28:34,278
...SPECIALLY
IN THAT ARSON CASE.
634
00:28:34,312 --> 00:28:35,609
WHAT WAS THE VERDICT?
635
00:28:35,647 --> 00:28:37,444
THEY PREFERRED
THE BROWN WIG.
636
00:28:37,482 --> 00:28:39,279
I LOVE THE
SCOTTISH ASSIZES.
637
00:28:39,350 --> 00:28:40,408
I KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN
638
00:28:40,452 --> 00:28:41,851
BY A REALLY
WELL HUNG JURY.
639
00:28:41,886 --> 00:28:43,217
OH! GET BACK
IN THE WITNESS BOX.
640
00:28:43,254 --> 00:28:44,380
YOU'RE TOO SHARP
TO LIVE.
641
00:28:44,422 --> 00:28:46,617
I'LL SMACK
YOUR LITTLE BOTTY!
642
00:28:46,658 --> 00:28:49,024
HAVE YOU TRIED THAT
NEW BODY RUB J.P. S USE?
643
00:28:49,060 --> 00:28:51,290
I HAD A MAGISTRATE
IN BRADFORD YESTERDAY.
644
00:28:51,396 --> 00:28:53,227
FUNNILY ENOUGH
I FELT LIKE ONE
645
00:28:53,264 --> 00:28:54,993
IN A LUNCHTIME
RECESS TODAY.
646
00:28:55,033 --> 00:28:56,295
BUT THE ONES
I REALLY LIKE
647
00:28:56,367 --> 00:28:58,562
ARE THOSE VOICE-OVER
ANNOUNCERS ON THE BBC...
648
00:28:58,603 --> 00:29:00,127
YOU KNOW, AFTER
THE PROGRAMS ARE OVER.
649
00:29:00,171 --> 00:29:01,763
OH, AYE... COURSE, THEY'RE
BENT AS SAFETY PINS.
650
00:29:01,806 --> 00:29:04,138
I KNOW, BUT THEY'VE GOT
BEAUTIFUL SPEAKING VOICES:
651
00:29:04,175 --> 00:29:06,575
"AND NOW A CHOICE OF
VIEWING ON BBC TELEVISION."
652
00:29:06,611 --> 00:29:08,511
"HERE ARE TONIGHT'S
FOOTBALL RESULTS."
653
00:29:08,546 --> 00:29:10,571
MMM...
654
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:16,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll