1
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:18,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
2
00:02:09,996 --> 00:02:12,863
BRIAN DISTEL AND
BRIANETTE ZATAPATHIQUE THERE
3
00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:14,457
IN AN IMPROVISED SCENE
4
00:02:14,501 --> 00:02:18,267
FROM JEAN KENNETH LONGUEUR'S
NEW MOVIE LE FROMAGE GRAND.
5
00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:21,933
BRIAN AND BRIANETTE SYMBOLIZE
THE BREAKDOWN IN COMMUNICATIONS
6
00:02:22,041 --> 00:02:24,942
IN OUR MODERN SOCIETY
IN THIS EXCITING NEW FILM.
7
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,037
LONGUEUR IS SAYING TO US,
HIS AUDIENCE
8
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,275
"GO ON, PROTEST,
DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT
9
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:31,875
ASSAULT THE MANAGER,
DEMAND YOUR MONEY BACK."
10
00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:35,251
LATER ON IN THE FILM, IN A
BRILLIANTLY CONCEIVED MONTAGE
11
00:02:35,288 --> 00:02:39,088
LONGUEUR MERCILESSLY EXPOSES THE
VIOLENCE UNDERLYING OUR SOCIETY
12
00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:41,184
WHEN BRIAN AND BRIANETTE
AGAIN MEET
13
00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:42,956
ON YET ANOTHER RUBBISH DUMP.
14
00:05:14,614 --> 00:05:16,844
PRETTY STRONG MEAT THERE
FROM LONGUEUR
15
00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:20,080
WHO IS SAYING, OF COURSE,
THAT ULTIMATELY MATERIALISM...
16
00:05:20,119 --> 00:05:22,314
IN THIS CASE,
THE WEBB'S WONDER LETTUCE...
17
00:05:22,355 --> 00:05:24,220
MUST DESTROY US ALL.
18
00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:26,782
THAT WAS FOR O. SIMON,
K. SIMON, P. SIMON
19
00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:28,555
AND R. SPARROW OF LEICESTER.
20
00:05:28,594 --> 00:05:30,824
LATER ON, WE'RE GOING
TO TAKE A LOOK
21
00:05:30,863 --> 00:05:32,763
AT JOHN WAYNE'S LATEST MOVIE
22
00:05:32,799 --> 00:05:35,825
BUCKETS OF BLOOD POURING
OUT OF PEOPLE'S HEADS
23
00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:37,267
BUT NOW WE LOOK AHEAD.
24
00:05:37,303 --> 00:05:39,999
ON TUESDAY, CHRIS CONGER
TOOK A BBC FILM UNIT
25
00:05:40,039 --> 00:05:42,473
TO THE LOCATION
WHERE 20th CENTURY VOLE
26
00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:46,035
ARE SHOOTING THEIR LATEST EPIC
SCOTT OF THE ANTARCTIC.
27
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,603
SEA, SAND AND SUNSHINE
28
00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:50,912
MAKE PAIGNTON THE QUEEN
OF THE ENGLISH RIVIERA.
29
00:05:50,950 --> 00:05:55,046
WELL, FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS,
THIS SLEEPY DEVONSHIRE RESORT
30
00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:58,546
WILL BE TRANSFORMED
INTO THE BLIZZARD-SWEPT WASTES
31
00:05:58,591 --> 00:06:00,115
OF THE SOUTH POLE.
32
00:06:00,159 --> 00:06:04,425
FOR TODAY, SHOOTING STARTS ON
THE EPIC SCOTT OF THE ANTARCTIC
33
00:06:04,464 --> 00:06:06,455
PRODUCED BY JERRY SCHLICK.
34
00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:07,932
HELLO.
35
00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:10,731
JERRY, YOU CHOSE PAIGNTON
AS THE LOCATION FOR SCOTT.
36
00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:12,169
RIGHT, RIGHT.
37
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:13,672
ISN'T IT A BIT
OF A DRAWBACK
38
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:15,105
THAT THERE'S
NO SNOW HERE?
39
00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:16,608
WELL, WE HAVE
40
00:06:16,642 --> 00:06:18,439
28,000 CUBIC FEET
OF WINTREX
41
00:06:18,478 --> 00:06:20,537
WHICH IS A NEW
WHITE FOAM RUBBER
42
00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:22,548
WHICH ACTUALLY
ON SCREEN LOOKS
43
00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:24,982
MORE LIKE SNOW THAN SNOW
44
00:06:25,017 --> 00:06:28,509
AND 1,600 CUBIC U.S. FURLONGS
OF WHITE PAINT
45
00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:30,749
WITH A SPECIAL SNOW FINISH.
46
00:06:30,790 --> 00:06:33,850
AND I BELIEVE KIRK VILB
IS PLAYING THE TITLE ROLE.
47
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:35,190
THAT IS CORRECT.
48
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,389
WE WERE VERY THRILLED
AND HONORED
49
00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:39,762
WHEN KIRK AGREED
TO PLAY THE PART
50
00:06:39,799 --> 00:06:41,198
OF LIEUTENANT SCOTT
51
00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:43,325
BECAUSE A STAR
OF HIS MAGNITUDE
52
00:06:43,369 --> 00:06:46,202
CAN PICK AND CHOOSE,
BUT HE READ THE TITLE
53
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,467
AND JUST FLIPPED.
54
00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:49,771
AND DIRECTING,
WE HAVE A VERY FINE
55
00:06:49,809 --> 00:06:52,539
YOUNG BRITISH DIRECTOR,
JAMES McRETTIN
56
00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:54,205
WHO'S BEEN
COLLABORATING
57
00:06:54,313 --> 00:06:56,372
ON THE SCREENPLAY,
OF COURSE.
58
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:57,383
JIMMY.
59
00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:58,384
OH, THERE YOU ARE.
60
00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,612
HELLO. HELLO.
NO PROBLEM.
61
00:06:59,652 --> 00:07:00,949
HAVE A DRINK.
HAVE A DRINK.
62
00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:02,215
OH, GREAT.
HELLO. MARVELOUS.
63
00:07:02,321 --> 00:07:03,219
MARVELOUS. HELLO.
64
00:07:03,322 --> 00:07:04,220
REWRITE.
65
00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:05,654
OH, THIS IS REALLY GREAT.
66
00:07:05,691 --> 00:07:08,626
I MEAN, IT'S REALLY SAYING
SOMETHING, DON'T YOU THINK?
67
00:07:08,661 --> 00:07:10,185
HAVE YOU STARTED
SHOOTING YET?
68
00:07:10,229 --> 00:07:11,196
YES, YES.
69
00:07:11,230 --> 00:07:12,219
GREAT. PERFECT.
70
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,233
NO, NO, WE HAVEN'T
STARTED YET. NO.
71
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:15,597
BUT GREAT, GREAT.
72
00:07:15,635 --> 00:07:18,365
WHAT IS THE FIRST SCENE
THAT YOU SHOOT THIS MORNING?
73
00:07:18,404 --> 00:07:19,371
GREAT. PERFECT.
74
00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:20,736
OH, IT'S GREAT.
NO PROBLEM.
75
00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:22,536
WE'LL SORT IT OUT
ON THE FLOOR.
76
00:07:22,575 --> 00:07:23,735
SORT IT OUT
ON THE FLOOR.
77
00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:24,902
NO PROBLEM.
78
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:27,003
THIS FILM IS
BASICALLY PRO-HUMANITY
79
00:07:27,046 --> 00:07:28,206
AND ANTI-BAD THINGS
80
00:07:28,247 --> 00:07:30,715
AND IT RIPS ASIDE
THE HYPOCRITICAL FACADE
81
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:32,547
OF OUR SOCIETY'S
GIN AND TONIC
82
00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:35,247
AND LEAVES A LOT OF SACRED COWS
ROLLING AROUND IN AGONY.
83
00:07:35,321 --> 00:07:36,811
HAVE A DRINK.
HAVE A DRINK.
84
00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:39,586
BUT WHICH SCENE ARE WE
SHOOTING FIRST, JIMMY?
85
00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:40,990
YES.
86
00:07:41,027 --> 00:07:42,016
GREAT.
87
00:07:42,061 --> 00:07:43,961
OH, MARVELOUS.
88
00:07:43,996 --> 00:07:46,089
WHICH SCENE ARE
WE SHOOTING FIRST?
89
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:47,258
WHAT? IT'S SCENE ONE.
90
00:07:47,366 --> 00:07:48,663
SCENE ONE. SCENE ONE.
91
00:07:48,701 --> 00:07:50,669
IT'S IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE MOVIE.
92
00:07:50,703 --> 00:07:51,670
WELL, IT IS NOW.
93
00:07:51,704 --> 00:07:52,671
I REWROTE IT.
94
00:07:52,705 --> 00:07:53,967
I THOUGHT WE CUT THAT.
95
00:07:54,006 --> 00:07:54,973
DID WE CUT?
96
00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:56,269
NO, WE DIDN'T.
97
00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:57,672
WE DIDN'T?
98
00:07:57,710 --> 00:07:59,268
OH, GREAT.
THAT'S EVEN BETTER.
99
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,177
I'LL PUT IT BACK IN.
UH... REWRITE.
100
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:02,772
SCENE ONE'S BACK IN,
EVERYONE.
101
00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:04,612
SCENE ONE'S BACK IN.
GREAT. GREAT.
102
00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,675
THIS IS THE SCENE
OUTSIDE THE TENT.
103
00:08:06,719 --> 00:08:08,186
IT'S ALL BLOODY MARVELOUS.
104
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:09,848
IT MAKES YOU WANT
TO THROW UP.
105
00:08:09,889 --> 00:08:11,186
NOW, IN THIS SCENE
106
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:14,455
LIEUTENANT SCOTT RETURNS TO CAMP
IN THE EARLY MORNING
107
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,052
AFTER WALKING THE HUSKIES
108
00:08:16,095 --> 00:08:18,586
TO HAVE BRUNCH
WITH THE REST OF HIS TEAM.
109
00:08:18,631 --> 00:08:19,859
OATES
110
00:08:19,899 --> 00:08:22,868
PLAYED BY YOUR VERY OWN
LOVELY TERRENCE LEMMING
111
00:08:22,902 --> 00:08:24,961
WHO IS AN ENGLISH
COCKNEY OFFICER
112
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:26,528
SECONDED TO
THE U.S. NAVY
113
00:08:26,572 --> 00:08:29,040
AND BOWERS, PLAYED
BY SEYMOUR FORTESCUE
114
00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:30,667
THE OLYMPIC
POLE-VAULTER.
115
00:08:40,887 --> 00:08:42,184
HI, LIEUTENANT.
116
00:08:42,221 --> 00:08:43,313
HI, OATESY.
117
00:08:43,389 --> 00:08:46,222
SURE IS A BEAUTIFUL DAY
ALREADY.
118
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:47,726
GREAT! GREAT!
119
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:49,694
WHAT... WHAT-WHAT
ARE YOU SAYING?
120
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:51,890
I WAS JUST SAYING,
"GREAT! GREAT!"
121
00:08:51,931 --> 00:08:53,091
CUE EVANS.
122
00:08:54,433 --> 00:08:57,891
AND THIS IS VANILLA
HOARE AS MISS EVANS.
123
00:08:57,937 --> 00:08:59,199
MISS EVANS?
124
00:08:59,238 --> 00:09:00,330
RIGHT.
125
00:09:00,439 --> 00:09:02,339
GOOD MORNING, MISS EVANS.
126
00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:07,844
OH... I'VE FORGOTTEN MY LINE.
127
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,108
UH, WHAT'S HER LINE?
128
00:09:09,148 --> 00:09:10,513
WHAT'S HER LINE?
129
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,211
"GOOD MORNING,
CAPTAIN SCOTT."
130
00:09:12,251 --> 00:09:13,377
OH, YEAH.
131
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:19,156
GOOD... MORNING, CAP... CA...
132
00:09:19,191 --> 00:09:22,991
OH, I'M JUST NOT REALLY
VERY HAPPY WITH THAT LINE.
133
00:09:23,029 --> 00:09:25,964
COULD I JUST SAY,
"HI, SCOTTIE"?
134
00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:28,023
GREAT! GREAT!
REWRITE!
135
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:29,056
CUE!
136
00:09:30,202 --> 00:09:31,294
HI, SCARRIE.
137
00:09:31,337 --> 00:09:33,100
OH... SORRY.
138
00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:34,504
HI, STOCKY.
139
00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:37,566
OH... I'M SORRY AGAIN.
140
00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:41,341
OH, JIM, I'M JUST NOT HAPPY
WITH THIS LINE.
141
00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:44,816
HEY, CAN I DO IT ALL SORT OF...
KOOKY, LIKE THIS?
142
00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:46,943
HI, SCOTTY!
143
00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:48,385
GREAT! WE'LL SHOOT IT!
144
00:09:48,487 --> 00:09:50,250
ARE YOU SURE
THAT'S RIGHT?
145
00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:51,381
AH, IT'S GREAT!
146
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:52,755
JIM...
147
00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:54,384
JIM! JIM!
148
00:09:54,460 --> 00:09:55,927
JI... OH, ME.
149
00:09:55,962 --> 00:09:59,363
NOW, JIM, I FEEL WE MAY BE
RUNNING INTO SOME PROBLEMS HERE
150
00:09:59,398 --> 00:10:01,525
IN THE AREA OF HEIGHT.
151
00:10:01,567 --> 00:10:03,398
GREAT, WHERE ARE THEY?
152
00:10:03,469 --> 00:10:04,902
WHERE ARE WHO?
153
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:06,063
I DON'T KNOW.
154
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:07,402
I WAS GETTING CONFUSED.
155
00:10:07,506 --> 00:10:08,632
JIM...
GREAT.
156
00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:10,733
I FEEL HERE THAT SCOTT
MAY BE TOO TALL
157
00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:13,404
IN THE AREA OF HEIGHT,
WITH REFERENCE TO VANILLA
158
00:10:13,479 --> 00:10:14,946
WHO IS TOO NEAR THE GROUND
159
00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:18,075
IN THE AREA OF BEING
TOO SHORT AT THIS TIME.
160
00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:19,584
GREAT.
161
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:22,349
OH, I KNOW! I'M GOING
TO DIG A PIT FOR SCOTT
162
00:10:22,388 --> 00:10:24,515
AND PUT A BOX
IN VANILLA'S TRENCH.
163
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:27,651
SAY, WHY DON'T I TAKE
THE BOXES OFF
164
00:10:27,693 --> 00:10:30,287
AND VANILLA GET UP
OUT OF THE TRENCH?
165
00:10:30,329 --> 00:10:31,489
IT WOULDN'T WORK.
166
00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:34,429
IT'S EVEN BETTER!
167
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,661
GREAT! REWRITE!
168
00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:37,032
WHAT WAS THAT?
169
00:10:37,069 --> 00:10:38,127
OH, IT'S EASY!
170
00:10:38,170 --> 00:10:39,330
I'VE WORKED IT OUT.
171
00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:41,203
UH, SCOTT TAKES
HIS BOXES OFF
172
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:43,731
AND YOU DON'T STAND
IN THE TRENCH.
173
00:10:43,776 --> 00:10:46,574
I SAY MY LINES
OUT OF THE TRENCH?
174
00:10:46,612 --> 00:10:48,079
EVEN BETTER. GREAT.
175
00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:50,605
BUT I'VE NEVER ACTED
OUT OF A TRENCH.
176
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:51,912
I MIGHT FALL OVER.
177
00:10:51,951 --> 00:10:53,179
IT'S DANGEROUS.
178
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:55,687
OH, WELL, COULD YOU
JUST TRY IT?
179
00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:57,746
LOOK, YOU CRUMB BUM...
180
00:10:57,790 --> 00:10:59,587
I'M A STAR.
181
00:10:59,625 --> 00:11:01,616
STAR, STAR, STAR.
182
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:05,461
I DON'T GET A MILLION DOLLARS
TO ACT OUT OF A TRENCH.
183
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:08,592
I PLAYED MISS JOHN THE BAPTIST
IN A TRENCH
184
00:11:08,634 --> 00:11:11,694
AND I PLAYED MISS NAPOLEON
BONAPARTE IN A TRENCH
185
00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:14,433
AND I PLAYED MISS ALEXANDER
FLEMING IN A FURROW.
186
00:11:14,473 --> 00:11:17,203
SO IF YOU WANT THIS SCENE
PLAYED OUT OF A TRENCH
187
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:20,838
WELL, YOU JUST GET YOURSELF
A GODDAMN STUNTMAN! HUH!
188
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,747
I PLAYED MISS GALILEO
IN A GROOVE...
189
00:11:23,783 --> 00:11:25,808
AND I PLAYED
MRS. JESUS CHRIST
190
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:27,751
IN A GEOLOGICAL
SYNCLINE
191
00:11:27,787 --> 00:11:29,652
SO DON'T TELL ME
HOW TO ACT.
192
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:30,951
I KNOW HOW TO ACT.
193
00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:32,252
I DON'T HAVE TO ACT...
194
00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:34,418
GREAT. UH, GREAT, GREAT,
EVERYONE.
195
00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:35,825
UH, LUNCH NOW. LUNCH.
196
00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:37,055
IT'S ALL IN THE CAN.
197
00:11:37,096 --> 00:11:38,358
GOOD MORNING'S WORK.
198
00:11:38,397 --> 00:11:39,955
BUT YOU HAVEN'T
DONE A SHOT.
199
00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:41,694
JUST KEEPING MORALE UP.
200
00:11:42,735 --> 00:11:43,861
NOW, THIS AFTERNOON
201
00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:45,598
WE'RE GOING TO SHOOT THE SCENE
202
00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:48,505
WHERE SCOTT GETS OFF THE BOAT,
ONTO THE ICE FLOE
203
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:49,769
AND HE SEES THE LION
204
00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:51,800
AND HE FIGHTS IT AND HE KILLS IT
205
00:11:51,844 --> 00:11:54,506
AND THE BLOOD GOES PSSSSSHHH
206
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:55,945
IN SLOW MOTION.
207
00:11:55,981 --> 00:11:58,472
BUT THERE AREN'T ANY
LIONS IN THE ANTARCTIC.
208
00:11:58,517 --> 00:11:59,609
WHAT?
209
00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:01,950
THERE AREN'T ANY LIONS
IN THE ANTARCTIC.
210
00:12:01,987 --> 00:12:04,888
YOU'RE RIGHT. THERE ARE
NO LIONS IN THE ANTARCTIC.
211
00:12:04,924 --> 00:12:06,050
THAT'S RIDICULOUS!
212
00:12:06,092 --> 00:12:08,458
WHOEVER HEARD OF A LION
IN THE ANTARCTIC?
213
00:12:08,494 --> 00:12:09,688
RIGHT, LOSE THE LION.
214
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,526
GOT TO KEEP THE LION.
IT'S GREAT!
215
00:12:11,597 --> 00:12:12,655
LOSE THE LION.
216
00:12:12,698 --> 00:12:14,996
GREAT! WE'RE LOSING
THE LION. REWRITE!
217
00:12:15,034 --> 00:12:16,524
LOSE THE LION, EVERYONE.
218
00:12:16,635 --> 00:12:18,626
THAT'S FANTASTIC!
219
00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:21,538
WHAT'S THIS ABOUT, UH,
LOSING THE LION?
220
00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:24,336
UH, WELL, KIRK, WE THOUGHT
PERHAPS WE MIGHT, UH...
221
00:12:24,376 --> 00:12:28,335
LOSE THE FIGHT WITH THE LION
A LITTLE BIT, KIRK, ANGEL.
222
00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:29,938
WHY?!
223
00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:31,415
OH, WELL, KIRKIE, DOLL
224
00:12:31,450 --> 00:12:34,351
THERE ARE NO LIONS
IN THE ANTARCTIC, BABY.
225
00:12:34,386 --> 00:12:36,854
I GET TO FIGHT
THE LION!
226
00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:38,186
IT'D BE SILLY.
227
00:12:38,224 --> 00:12:41,125
LISTEN! I GOT
TO FIGHT THE LION!
228
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,560
THAT'S WHAT THAT GUY
SCOTT'S ALL ABOUT.
229
00:12:43,629 --> 00:12:45,859
I KNOW...
I STUDIED HIM ALREADY.
230
00:12:45,898 --> 00:12:47,456
BUT WHY COULDN'T YOU
FIGHT A PENGUIN?
231
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:48,990
GREAT!
232
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:52,036
FIGHT A ROTTEN,
LITTLE PENGUIN?
233
00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:54,005
IT NEEDN'T BE
A LITTLE PENGUIN.
234
00:12:54,039 --> 00:12:57,031
IT CAN BE THE BIGGEST PENGUIN
YOU'VE EVER SEEN.
235
00:12:57,076 --> 00:12:59,567
AN ELECTRIC PENGUIN,
20 FEET HIGH
236
00:12:59,645 --> 00:13:02,580
WITH LONG, GREEN TENTACLES
THAT STING PEOPLE
237
00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:04,706
AND YOU CAN STAB IT
IN THE WINGS
238
00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:07,014
AND THE BLOOD
CAN GO SPURTING...
239
00:13:07,052 --> 00:13:09,680
PSSSSSHHH IN SLOW MOTION.
240
00:13:09,722 --> 00:13:12,418
THE LION IS
IN THE CONTRACT.
241
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,085
HE FIGHTS THE LION.
242
00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:16,094
EVEN BETTER! GREAT!
243
00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:17,254
HAVE A DRINK.
244
00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:18,593
HEY, LOSE THE PENGUIN.
245
00:13:18,664 --> 00:13:20,598
STAND BY TO SHOOT.
246
00:13:20,666 --> 00:13:22,725
WHERE DO THEY HAVE LIONS?
247
00:13:22,768 --> 00:13:23,928
AFRICA.
248
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:25,561
THAT'S IT!
SCOTT'S IN AFRICA.
249
00:13:25,604 --> 00:13:27,071
AS MANY LIONS AS WE NEED.
250
00:13:27,106 --> 00:13:28,403
GREAT!
251
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:31,375
SCOTT IS LOOKING FOR A POLE
NO ONE ELSE KNOWS ABOUT.
252
00:13:31,410 --> 00:13:32,968
THAT TIES IN WITH THE SAND.
253
00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:34,946
RIGHT. PAINT THE SAND
YELLOW AGAIN.
254
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:37,141
OKAY, LET'S GET THIS SHOW
ON THE ROAD.
255
00:13:37,183 --> 00:13:39,947
SCOTT OF THE SAHARA.
256
00:13:53,899 --> 00:13:56,868
BOOMING OUT
OF THE PAGES OF HISTORY
257
00:13:56,902 --> 00:14:00,201
COMES A STORY
OF THREE MEN AND ONE WOMAN
258
00:14:00,239 --> 00:14:03,606
WHOSE COURAGE
SHOCKED A GENERATION.
259
00:14:03,642 --> 00:14:06,907
FROM THE SAME TEAM
THAT BROUGHT YOU:
260
00:14:17,990 --> 00:14:19,480
COMES THE STORY
261
00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:22,494
OF THREE PEOPLE AND A WOMAN,
UNITED BY FATE
262
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:26,259
WHO SET OUT IN SEARCH OF
THE FABLED POLE OF THE SAHARA
263
00:14:26,298 --> 00:14:29,927
AND FOUND... THEMSELVES.
264
00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:33,200
SEE LIEUTENANT SCOTT'S
DEATH STRUGGLE
265
00:14:33,239 --> 00:14:36,140
WITH A CRAZED DESERT LION.
266
00:15:58,324 --> 00:16:01,657
SEE ENSIGN OATES'
FRANKADULT DEATH STRUGGLE
267
00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:05,562
WITH THE SPINE-CHILLING
GIANT ELECTRIC PENGUIN...
268
00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:07,289
SEE MISS EVANS
269
00:17:07,326 --> 00:17:10,659
PURSUED BY THE MAN-EATING
ROLLTOP WRITING DESK.
270
00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:34,481
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
271
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,147
IT'S...
272
00:17:40,292 --> 00:17:43,989
MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS.
273
00:18:18,297 --> 00:18:22,859
AND NOW, TIRED OF THE
SOUNDS OF DANCING FEET?
274
00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:26,632
THEN LISTEN TO THE SOUNDS
OF DANCING TEETH.
275
00:18:26,672 --> 00:18:28,902
YES,
BROTHERS, IT'S TIME ONCE AGAIN
276
00:18:28,974 --> 00:18:32,068
FOR CONRAD POOHS
AND HIS DANCING TEETH.
277
00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:24,519
EXCUSE ME, I'D
LIKE TO MAKE A CORRECTION.
278
00:19:24,563 --> 00:19:28,192
CONRAD IS, IN FACT, HOLDING
A LETTER, NOT A TELEGRAM.
279
00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:29,723
THANK YOU.
280
00:19:29,768 --> 00:19:33,568
A LETTER. A LETTER.
281
00:20:05,103 --> 00:20:07,230
FIVE PENCE, PLEASE.
282
00:20:34,366 --> 00:20:35,765
EXCUSE ME.
283
00:20:35,801 --> 00:20:39,032
I WOULD LIKE TO BUY
A FISH LICENCE, PLEASE.
284
00:20:48,947 --> 00:20:51,279
THE MAN'S SIGN MUST BE WRONG.
285
00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:54,410
I HAVE IN THE PAST
NOTICED A MARKED DISCREPANCY
286
00:20:54,453 --> 00:20:56,751
BETWEEN THESE POST OFFICE SIGNS
287
00:20:56,788 --> 00:21:00,485
AND THE ACTIVITIES
CARRIED OUT BENEATH.
288
00:21:00,525 --> 00:21:03,790
BUT SOFT, LET US SEE
HOW DAME FORTUNE SMILES
289
00:21:03,829 --> 00:21:07,060
UPON MY NEXT POSTAL ADVENTURE.
290
00:21:07,132 --> 00:21:12,229
HELLO. I WOULD LIKE TO BUY
A FISH LICENCE, PLEASE.
291
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,260
A WHAT?
292
00:21:13,305 --> 00:21:16,069
A LICENCE FOR
MY PET FISH ERIC.
293
00:21:19,177 --> 00:21:20,769
HOW DID YOU KNOW
MY NAME WAS ERIC?
294
00:21:20,812 --> 00:21:21,972
OH, NO, NO, NO.
295
00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:24,642
MY FISH'S NAME IS ERIC.
ERIC THE FISH.
296
00:21:24,683 --> 00:21:26,674
HE'S AN 'ALIBUT.
297
00:21:26,718 --> 00:21:28,242
HE'S A WHAT?
298
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:30,346
HE IS AN HALIBUT.
299
00:21:30,389 --> 00:21:33,358
YOU'VE GOT A PET HALIBUT?
300
00:21:33,392 --> 00:21:36,486
YES. I CHOSE HIM
OUT OF THOUSANDS.
301
00:21:36,528 --> 00:21:37,517
DIDN'T LIKE THE OTHERS.
302
00:21:37,562 --> 00:21:38,529
THEY WERE ALL TOO FLAT.
303
00:21:38,563 --> 00:21:40,053
YOU'RE A LOONY.
304
00:21:40,098 --> 00:21:42,362
I AM NOT A LOONY!
305
00:21:42,401 --> 00:21:45,666
WHY SHOULD I BE TARRED
WITH THE EPITHET "LOONY"
306
00:21:45,704 --> 00:21:48,229
MERELY BECAUSE
I HAVE A PET HALIBUT?
307
00:21:48,273 --> 00:21:50,400
I'VE HEARD TELL
THAT SIR GERALD NABARRO
308
00:21:50,442 --> 00:21:52,000
HAS A PET PRAWN CALLED SIMON
309
00:21:52,044 --> 00:21:54,774
AND YOU WOULDN'T CALL SIR GERALD
A LOONY, WOULD YOU?
310
00:21:54,813 --> 00:21:55,837
FURTHERMORE
311
00:21:55,881 --> 00:21:58,042
DAWN PALETHORPE,
THE LADY SHOW JUMPER
312
00:21:58,083 --> 00:22:01,314
HAD A CLAM CALLED SIR STAFFORD
AFTER THE LATE CHANCELLOR.
313
00:22:01,353 --> 00:22:04,322
ALAN BULLOCK HAS TWO PIKES,
BOTH CALLED NORMAN
314
00:22:04,356 --> 00:22:09,293
AND THE LATE GREAT MARCEL PROUST
HAD AN 'ADDOCK!
315
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:12,297
IF YOU'RE CALLING THE AUTHOR
OF A LA RECHERCHE DU TEMPS PERDU
316
00:22:12,331 --> 00:22:15,027
A LOONY, I SHALL HAVE TO ASK YOU
TO STEP OUTSIDE!
317
00:22:15,067 --> 00:22:16,796
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
318
00:22:16,835 --> 00:22:17,927
YOU WANT A LICENCE?
319
00:22:17,969 --> 00:22:18,731
YES.
320
00:22:18,770 --> 00:22:19,532
FOR A FISH?
321
00:22:19,571 --> 00:22:21,402
YES.
322
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:23,271
YOU ARE A LOONY.
323
00:22:23,308 --> 00:22:25,139
LOOK, IT'S A BLEEDIN' PET,
ISN'T IT?
324
00:22:25,210 --> 00:22:27,804
I'VE GOT A LICENCE
FOR ME PET DOG ERIC
325
00:22:27,846 --> 00:22:30,679
AND I GOT A LICENCE
FOR ME PET CAT ERIC.
326
00:22:30,716 --> 00:22:32,343
YOU DON'T NEED
A LICENCE FOR A CAT.
327
00:22:32,384 --> 00:22:34,978
YOU BLEEDIN' WELL DO,
AND I'VE GOT ONE.
328
00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:37,580
HO-HO, YOU'RE NOT
CATCHING ME OUT THERE.
329
00:22:37,622 --> 00:22:41,058
THERE IS NO SUCH THING
AS A BLOODY CAT LICENCE.
330
00:22:41,093 --> 00:22:42,890
YES, THERE IS.
331
00:22:42,928 --> 00:22:44,088
NO, THERE ISN'T.
332
00:22:45,097 --> 00:22:46,064
IS.
333
00:22:46,098 --> 00:22:47,065
ISN'T.
334
00:22:47,099 --> 00:22:48,066
IS.
335
00:22:48,100 --> 00:22:49,067
ISN'T.
336
00:22:49,101 --> 00:22:51,729
UH-HUH. IS.
337
00:22:51,770 --> 00:22:52,327
ISN'T.
338
00:22:53,438 --> 00:22:55,406
IS.
339
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:58,432
ISN'T.
340
00:22:58,477 --> 00:23:00,445
IS.
341
00:23:00,479 --> 00:23:01,741
ISN'T.
342
00:23:01,780 --> 00:23:03,941
IS!
343
00:23:03,982 --> 00:23:05,006
ISN'T.
344
00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:06,176
WHAT'S THAT, THEN?
345
00:23:07,919 --> 00:23:10,581
THAT IS A DOG LICENCE WITH
THE WORD "DOG" CROSSED OUT
346
00:23:10,622 --> 00:23:12,783
AND THE WORD "CAT"
WRITTEN IN IN CRAYON.
347
00:23:12,824 --> 00:23:15,793
WELL, THE MAN DIDN'T HAVE
THE PROPER FORM.
348
00:23:15,827 --> 00:23:16,851
WHAT MAN?
349
00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:19,022
THE MAN FROM
THE CAT DETECTOR VAN.
350
00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:21,123
"LOONY DETECTIVE
VAN" YOU MEAN.
351
00:23:21,166 --> 00:23:23,100
IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU
WHAT CAUSES UNREST.
352
00:23:23,135 --> 00:23:25,467
ALL RIGHT, WHAT
CAT DETECTOR VAN?
353
00:23:25,504 --> 00:23:29,531
THE CAT DETECTOR VAN
FROM THE MINISTRY OF HOUSINGE.
354
00:23:29,574 --> 00:23:31,769
HOUSINGE?
355
00:23:31,810 --> 00:23:33,869
YES. IT WAS SPELT THAT WAY
ON THE VAN.
356
00:23:33,912 --> 00:23:36,039
I'M VERY OBSERVANT.
357
00:23:36,081 --> 00:23:37,548
I'VE NEVER SEEN SO MANY AERIALS
IN ME LIFE.
358
00:23:37,582 --> 00:23:39,516
THE MAN TOLD ME THEIR EQUIPMENT
359
00:23:39,551 --> 00:23:41,712
COULD PINPOINT A PURR
AT 400 YARDS.
360
00:23:41,753 --> 00:23:45,985
AND ERIC, BEING SUCH A HAPPY
CAT, WAS A PIECE OF CAKE.
361
00:23:46,024 --> 00:23:47,821
HOW MUCH DID THIS COST?
362
00:23:47,859 --> 00:23:51,556
60 QUID AND EIGHT GUINEAS
FOR THE FRUIT BAT.
363
00:23:51,596 --> 00:23:53,427
WHAT FRUIT BAT?
364
00:23:53,465 --> 00:23:55,194
ERIC THE FRUIT BAT.
365
00:23:55,233 --> 00:23:56,666
ARE ALL YOUR PETS CALLED ERIC?
366
00:23:56,701 --> 00:23:58,396
THERE'S NOTHING SO ODD
ABOUT THAT.
367
00:23:58,437 --> 00:24:02,703
KEMEL ATATURK HAD AN ENTIRE
MENAGERIE ALL CALLED ABDUL.
368
00:24:02,741 --> 00:24:04,106
NO, HE DIDN'T.
369
00:24:04,142 --> 00:24:06,508
DID, DID, DID, DID,
DID, DID, DID, INDEED.
370
00:24:06,545 --> 00:24:07,739
THERE YOU ARE.
371
00:24:07,779 --> 00:24:11,112
KEMEL ATATURK THE MAN
BY E.W. SWANTON
372
00:24:11,149 --> 00:24:13,413
WITH A FORWARD
BY PAUL ANKA.
373
00:24:13,452 --> 00:24:14,942
PAGE 91, PLEASE.
374
00:24:19,925 --> 00:24:22,485
I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY, SIR.
375
00:24:22,527 --> 00:24:24,495
SPOKEN LIKE A GENTLEMAN.
376
00:24:24,529 --> 00:24:27,089
NOW, ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE ME
THIS FISH LICENCE?
377
00:24:27,132 --> 00:24:28,656
I PROMISE YOU,
THERE IS NO SUCH THING.
378
00:24:28,700 --> 00:24:29,826
YOU DON'T NEED ONE.
379
00:24:29,868 --> 00:24:31,961
THEN I WOULD LIKE
A STATEMENT TO THAT FACT
380
00:24:32,003 --> 00:24:33,561
SIGNED BY THE LORD MAYOR.
381
00:24:36,074 --> 00:24:38,065
YOU'RE IN LUCK.
382
00:24:40,212 --> 00:24:42,874
AND NOW, THERE IS THE MAYOR...
383
00:24:42,914 --> 00:24:46,680
SURELY THE THIRD TALLEST MAYOR
IN DERBY'S HISTORY.
384
00:24:46,718 --> 00:24:48,379
AND THERE ARE THE ALDERMEN
385
00:24:48,420 --> 00:24:51,287
MAGNIFICENTLY RESPLENDENT
IN THEIR ALDERMANIC HOSE
386
00:24:51,389 --> 00:24:53,789
AND JUST LOOK AT THE POWER
IN THOSE THIGHS.
387
00:24:53,825 --> 00:24:55,918
THE NEW ZEALANDERS ARE GOING
TO FIND IT PRETTY TOUGH GOING
388
00:24:55,961 --> 00:24:58,395
IN THE SET PIECES
IN THE SECOND HALF.
389
00:24:58,430 --> 00:25:01,297
SO DAWN PALETHORPE WITH ONE
CLEAR ROUND ON SIR GERALD...
390
00:25:01,399 --> 00:25:03,094
AND NOW THE MAYOR HAS REACHED
391
00:25:03,134 --> 00:25:05,125
THE GREAT CUSTOMER
MR. ERIC PRALINE.
392
00:25:05,170 --> 00:25:07,195
AND NOW THE MAYORAL HUMAN BEING
393
00:25:07,239 --> 00:25:09,400
TAKES THE MAYORAL PEN
IN HIS MAYORAL HAND
394
00:25:09,441 --> 00:25:11,204
AND WATCHED
BY THE LADY MAYORESS
395
00:25:11,243 --> 00:25:12,972
WHO, OF COURSE,
SCORED THAT MAGNIFICENT TRY
396
00:25:13,011 --> 00:25:15,571
IN THE FIRST HALF,
SIGNS THE FISHY EXEMPTION.
397
00:25:15,614 --> 00:25:17,673
AND THE GREAT CUSTOMER,
MR. ERIC PRALINE
398
00:25:17,716 --> 00:25:19,479
WHO IS UNDERSTANDABLY AWED
399
00:25:19,518 --> 00:25:21,452
BY THE MAGNIFICENCE
AND EVEN THE ABSURDITY
400
00:25:21,486 --> 00:25:24,284
OF THIS GREAT OCCASION HERE
AT CARDIFF ARMS PARK
401
00:25:24,322 --> 00:25:26,222
HAS FINALLY GONE SPARE
402
00:25:26,258 --> 00:25:29,318
AND THERE IS THE "GOING SPARAL"
LOOK ON THE FRONT OF HIS HEAD.
403
00:25:29,394 --> 00:25:32,488
AND NOW THE ALDERMAN
ARE FINISHING THEIR ORANGES
404
00:25:32,531 --> 00:25:37,491
AND LEAVING THE POST OFFICE FOR
THE START OF THE SECOND HALF.
405
00:25:45,877 --> 00:25:48,311
And here come
the Derby Council XV
406
00:25:48,346 --> 00:25:50,177
following the All Blacks
out onto the pitch.
407
00:25:50,215 --> 00:25:51,705
There, in the center
of the picture
408
00:25:51,750 --> 00:25:53,115
you can see Dawn Palethorpe
on Sir Gerald...
409
00:25:53,151 --> 00:25:54,243
one of the fastest wingers
410
00:25:54,286 --> 00:25:55,548
we must have seen in England
this season.
411
00:25:55,587 --> 00:25:56,986
On the left-hand side
of the picture
412
00:25:57,022 --> 00:25:58,853
the Lord Mayor has been running
such wonderful possession
413
00:25:58,890 --> 00:26:00,881
for Derby Council
in the lines out.
414
00:26:00,926 --> 00:26:02,723
And it's the All Blacks
to kick off.
415
00:26:02,761 --> 00:26:03,728
Wilson to kick off.
416
00:26:03,762 --> 00:26:05,024
Oh, and I can see there
417
00:26:05,063 --> 00:26:06,758
the Chairman of the By-Ways
and Highways Committee
418
00:26:06,798 --> 00:26:08,527
who's obviously recovered
from that very nasty blow
419
00:26:08,567 --> 00:26:10,535
he got in that loose ball
in the first half.
420
00:26:10,569 --> 00:26:12,036
And Wilson kicks off
421
00:26:12,070 --> 00:26:14,300
and it's the Town Clerk's taken
the ball beautifully there.
422
00:26:14,339 --> 00:26:16,773
The All Blacks are up on it very
fast, and the whistle has gone.
423
00:26:16,808 --> 00:26:18,332
I'm not quite sure
what happened there.
424
00:26:18,376 --> 00:26:20,367
I couldn't see,
but there's a scrum-down.
425
00:26:20,412 --> 00:26:21,936
I think
it's an All Blacks' ball.
426
00:26:21,980 --> 00:26:23,311
They were up on them very fast.
427
00:26:23,348 --> 00:26:25,942
Obviously, they're going to try
very hard in this half
428
00:26:25,984 --> 00:26:27,383
to wipe out
this five-point deficit.
429
00:26:27,485 --> 00:26:29,043
Derby Council eight points
to three up
430
00:26:29,087 --> 00:26:31,317
and Derby Council have got
the ball against the head.
431
00:26:31,356 --> 00:26:33,950
There is the Borough Surveyor,
the scrum-half is out of the...
432
00:26:33,992 --> 00:26:36,017
uh, the Chairman of the Highway
and By-way Committee
433
00:26:36,061 --> 00:26:37,153
who's kicked for touch.
434
00:26:37,195 --> 00:26:38,719
The line out...
and it's into the line out
435
00:26:38,763 --> 00:26:40,060
and the Mayor has
got the ball again.
436
00:26:40,098 --> 00:26:41,292
To the Borough Surveyor.
437
00:26:41,333 --> 00:26:43,096
He's left out
the Medical Officer of Health.
438
00:26:43,134 --> 00:26:44,829
Straight along the line
to the Lady Mayoress
439
00:26:44,869 --> 00:26:46,837
and the Lady Mayoress
has got to go through!
440
00:26:46,871 --> 00:26:48,031
Number two has missed her!
441
00:26:48,073 --> 00:26:49,267
She's up to the full back!
442
00:26:49,307 --> 00:26:50,672
There's only the full back
to beat!
443
00:26:50,709 --> 00:26:51,676
And she has scored!
444
00:26:51,710 --> 00:26:52,802
The Lady Mayoress has scored!
445
00:26:52,844 --> 00:26:54,573
It's 11 points to three.
446
00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:56,911
CLIFF, THIS MUST HAVE BEEN
A VERY DISAPPOINTING RESULT
447
00:26:56,948 --> 00:26:58,506
FOR THE ALL BLACKS.
448
00:26:58,550 --> 00:27:00,313
WELL, THEY'VE HAD VERY BAD
LUCK ON THEIR TOUR SO FAR.
449
00:27:00,352 --> 00:27:02,718
IN FACT, THEY MISSED
FOUR VERY EASY KICKS
450
00:27:02,754 --> 00:27:06,155
AGAINST THE EXETER
AMATEUR OPERATIC SOCIETY
451
00:27:06,191 --> 00:27:07,818
WHICH MUST HAVE
COST THEM THE MATCH.
452
00:27:07,859 --> 00:27:10,054
AND THEN, OF COURSE,
THERE WAS THAT CRIPPLING DEFEAT
453
00:27:10,095 --> 00:27:12,620
AT THE HANDS OF THE DERRY
AND TOMS SOFT TOY DEPARTMENT.
454
00:27:12,664 --> 00:27:15,189
SO, I DON'T THINK THEY CAN
REALLY BE FANCYING THEIR CHANCES
455
00:27:15,233 --> 00:27:17,394
AGAINST THE LONDON POOVES
ON SATURDAY.
456
00:27:17,435 --> 00:27:18,766
AND WHAT ABOUT CHINA?
457
00:27:18,803 --> 00:27:21,772
WELL, WHETHER MAO TSE TUNG
IS ALIVE OR NOT
458
00:27:21,806 --> 00:27:24,138
LIN PIAO HAS A STRANGLEHOLD
ON THE CENTRAL COMMITTEE
459
00:27:24,175 --> 00:27:26,200
WHICH LIN SHAO CHI
CAN'T BREAK.
460
00:27:26,244 --> 00:27:29,236
SO IT REMAINS TO BE SEEN
WHETHER CHOU EN LAI
461
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:30,542
CAN REALLY GET HIS FINGER OUT
462
00:27:30,582 --> 00:27:32,243
AND GET GOING
IN THE SECOND HALF.
463
00:27:32,283 --> 00:27:33,841
WELL, THANK YOU, CLIFF.
464
00:27:33,885 --> 00:27:35,409
TONIGHT'S
OTHER OUTSTANDING MATCH
465
00:27:35,453 --> 00:27:38,388
WAS THE SEMIFINAL BETWEEN
THE BOURNEMOUTH GYNECOLOGISTS
466
00:27:38,423 --> 00:27:40,948
AND THE WATFORD
LONG JOHN SILVER IMPERSONATORS.
467
00:27:40,992 --> 00:27:43,051
WE BRING YOU EDITED HIGHLIGHTS
OF THE MATCH.
468
00:27:43,094 --> 00:27:44,391
ARGH.
469
00:28:38,283 --> 00:28:40,274
WELL, THAT'S ABOUT IT FOR
TONIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
470
00:28:40,318 --> 00:28:42,445
BUT REMEMBER, IF YOU EN JOYED
WATCHING THE SHOW
471
00:28:42,487 --> 00:28:44,478
JUST HALF AS MUCH
AS WE'VE EN JOYED DOING IT
472
00:28:44,522 --> 00:28:46,513
THEN WE'VE EN JOYED IT
TWICE AS MUCH AS YOU.
473
00:28:46,558 --> 00:28:47,547
HA-HA-HA.
474
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:12,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll