1
00:00:07,707 --> 00:00:09,140
COME IN.
2
00:00:18,718 --> 00:00:19,685
AH, FROG.
3
00:00:19,719 --> 00:00:20,686
S. FROG.
4
00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:21,744
SHUT UP.
5
00:00:21,788 --> 00:00:23,483
I WANT TO HAVE
A WORD WITH YOU, FROG.
6
00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:24,615
S. FROG, SIR.
SHUT UP.
7
00:00:24,657 --> 00:00:26,124
IT'S ABOUT YOUR
ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN
8
00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:27,386
FOR CONQUISTADOR COFFEE.
9
00:00:27,427 --> 00:00:28,951
NOW, I'VE HAD
THE MANAGING DIRECTOR
10
00:00:28,995 --> 00:00:30,656
OF CONQUISTADOR TO SEE ME
THIS MORNING
11
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,528
AND HE'S VERY UNHAPPY
WITH YOUR CAMPAIGN.
12
00:00:32,565 --> 00:00:33,532
VERY UNHAPPY.
13
00:00:33,566 --> 00:00:34,794
IN FACT, HE SHOT HIMSELF.
14
00:00:34,834 --> 00:00:37,302
BADLY, SIR?
15
00:00:37,337 --> 00:00:40,829
NO. EXTREMELY WELL.
16
00:00:43,910 --> 00:00:45,537
WELL, BEFORE HE WENT
17
00:00:45,578 --> 00:00:49,036
HE LEFT A NOTE
WITH THE COMPANY SECRETARY.
18
00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:52,074
THE EFFECT OF WHICH WAS
HOW DISAPPOINTED HE WAS
19
00:00:52,118 --> 00:00:54,245
WITH YOUR WORK
AND IN PARTICULAR
20
00:00:54,287 --> 00:00:56,619
WHY YOU WOULD CHANGE THE NAME
21
00:00:56,656 --> 00:01:02,026
"CONQUISTADOR INSTANT COFFEE" TO
"CONQUISTADOR INSTANT LEPROSY."
22
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,086
WHY, FROG?
23
00:01:03,196 --> 00:01:03,992
S. FROG, SIR.
24
00:01:04,030 --> 00:01:05,657
SHUT UP.
25
00:01:05,698 --> 00:01:06,426
WHY DID YOU DO IT?
26
00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:08,559
IT WAS A JOKE.
27
00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:10,603
A JOKE?
28
00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:12,502
NO. NO, NOT A JOKE.
29
00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:14,700
A SALES CAMPAIGN.
30
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:15,969
I SEE, FROG.
31
00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:17,101
S. FROG, SIR.
32
00:01:17,143 --> 00:01:18,269
SHUT UP.
33
00:01:18,311 --> 00:01:20,108
NOW, LET'S HAVE A LOOK
AT THE SALES CHART.
34
00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:22,114
WHEN YOU TOOK OVER
THIS ACCOUNT, FROG
35
00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:23,809
CONQUISTADOR WAS
BRAND LEADER.
36
00:01:23,850 --> 00:01:26,284
HERE YOU INTRODUCED
YOUR FIRST CAMPAIGN...
37
00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:28,412
"CONQUISTADOR COFFEE
BRINGS A NEW MEANING
38
00:01:28,455 --> 00:01:29,717
TO THE WORD 'VOMIT'."
39
00:01:31,224 --> 00:01:35,126
HERE YOU MADE YOUR SPECIAL
INTRODUCTORY OFFER
40
00:01:35,228 --> 00:01:36,991
OF A FREE DEAD DOG
WITH EVERY JAR.
41
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:41,290
AND THIS FOLLOWED
YOUR SECOND CAMPAIGN
42
00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:43,666
"THE TINGLING FRESH COFFEE
43
00:01:43,703 --> 00:01:48,766
"WHICH BRINGS YOU EXCITING NEW
CHOLERA, MANGE, SAPPORTIA
44
00:01:48,808 --> 00:01:52,869
"DROPSY, THE CLAP, HARD PAD,
AND ATHLETE'S HEAD
45
00:01:52,912 --> 00:01:55,244
FROM THE HOUSE OF CONQUISTADOR."
46
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:56,839
IT WAS A SOFT SELL, SIR.
47
00:01:56,883 --> 00:01:58,009
WHY, FROG?
48
00:01:58,051 --> 00:01:59,018
S. FROG, SIR.
49
00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:00,019
SHUT UP.
50
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:01,042
WELL?
51
00:02:01,087 --> 00:02:03,078
WELL, PEOPLE KNOW
THE NAME, SIR.
52
00:02:03,189 --> 00:02:04,622
THEY CERTAINLY DO KNOW THE NAME.
53
00:02:04,657 --> 00:02:05,954
THEY BURNED THE FACTORY DOWN.
54
00:02:05,992 --> 00:02:07,516
THE OWNER IS HIDING
IN MY BATHROOM.
55
00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:10,489
THE OWNER WAS HIDING
IN MY BATHROOM.
56
00:02:10,530 --> 00:02:12,430
YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO FIRE ME, SIR?
57
00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:13,557
FIRE YOU?
58
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:16,034
THREE MEN DEAD,
THE FACTORY BURNED DOWN
59
00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:17,093
THE ACCOUNT LOST
60
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,230
AND OUR FIRM
COMPLETELY BANKRUPT.
61
00:02:19,272 --> 00:02:20,967
WHAT CAN YOU POSSIBLY SAY?
62
00:02:21,007 --> 00:02:23,100
WHAT EXCUSE CAN
YOU POSSIBLY MAKE!
63
00:02:23,209 --> 00:02:24,972
SORRY, FATHER.
64
00:02:25,011 --> 00:02:26,103
AH, YES.
65
00:02:26,179 --> 00:02:29,910
OH, INCIDENTALLY,
YOUR FILM'S WON A PRIZE.
66
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:41,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
67
00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:05,140
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
68
00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:10,222
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY
69
00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:11,223
DIFF COMPLETELY...
70
00:03:11,257 --> 00:03:12,224
DIFF COMPLETELY...
71
00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:13,225
DIFF COMPLETELY...
72
00:03:13,259 --> 00:03:14,248
DIFF COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
73
00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:15,352
IT'S...
74
00:03:20,433 --> 00:03:24,665
MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS.
75
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:55,299
1929. STANLEY BALDWIN'S
CONSERVATIVE GOVERNMENT
76
00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:56,302
IS DEFEATED
77
00:03:56,336 --> 00:03:58,099
AND RAMSAY MacDONALD BECOMES
78
00:03:58,137 --> 00:03:59,434
FOR THE SECOND TIME
79
00:03:59,472 --> 00:04:00,734
PRIME MINISTER OF ENGLAND.
80
00:04:04,210 --> 00:04:07,611
WHEW. MY, IT'S HOT IN HERE.
81
00:04:38,077 --> 00:04:39,567
HELLO? COME IN.
82
00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:40,579
AH, HELLO,
HELLO.
83
00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:41,807
HOW MUCH
DO YOU WANT
84
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:42,815
FOR THE BRIEFCASE?
85
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:43,816
WELL, I...
86
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:44,817
ALL RIGHT, THEN
87
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:46,216
THE BRIEFCASE
AND THE UMBRELLA
88
00:04:46,252 --> 00:04:47,742
A FIVER DOWN, MUST
BE MY FINAL OFFER.
89
00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:49,118
I DON'T REALLY WANT
TO SELL THEM.
90
00:04:49,188 --> 00:04:50,086
I'VE COME FOR A JOB.
91
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,317
OH, TAKE A SEAT.
TAKE A SEAT.
92
00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:52,324
THANK YOU.
93
00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:53,950
I SEE YOU CHOSE
THE CANVAS CHAIR
94
00:04:53,993 --> 00:04:55,324
WITH THE ALUMINUM FRAME.
95
00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:56,760
I'LL THROW THAT IN.
96
00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:58,627
THAT AND THE FIVER FOR THE
BRIEFCASE AND THE UMBRELLA.
97
00:04:58,665 --> 00:05:00,326
NO, MAKE IT FAIR,
THE BRIEFCASE AND THE UMBRELLA
98
00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:01,594
AND THE TWO PENS
IN YOUR BREAST POCKET
99
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:02,965
AND THE CHAIR'S YOURS
AND A FIVER
100
00:05:03,002 --> 00:05:04,936
AND A PAIR OF EX-GERMAN
U-BOAT COMMANDER'S BINOCULARS.
101
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,336
REALLY, THEY'RE NOT FOR SALE.
102
00:05:06,372 --> 00:05:07,339
NOT FOR SALE?
103
00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:08,340
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
104
00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:09,671
I CAME ABOUT
THE ADVERTISEMENT
105
00:05:09,709 --> 00:05:11,074
FOR THE JOB
OF ASSISTANT EDITOR.
106
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,078
OH, YEAH.
YEAH, RIGHT.
107
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,204
OH, OKAY.
108
00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:16,442
UH, HOW MUCH EXPERIENCE
IN JOURNALISM?
109
00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:17,278
FIVE YEARS.
110
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,511
RIGHT. TYPING SPEED?
111
00:05:18,551 --> 00:05:19,210
50.
112
00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:20,241
"O" LEVELS?
113
00:05:20,286 --> 00:05:20,911
EIGHT.
114
00:05:20,953 --> 00:05:21,715
"A" LEVELS?
115
00:05:21,754 --> 00:05:22,277
TWO.
116
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,448
RIGHT.
117
00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:25,480
WELL, I'LL GIVE
YOU THE JOB...
118
00:05:25,525 --> 00:05:28,892
AND THE CHAIR AND AN ALL-WOOL,
EX-ARMY SLEEPING BAG
119
00:05:28,928 --> 00:05:30,293
FOR THE BRIEFCASE,
THE UMBRELLA
120
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,661
THE PENS IN
YOUR BREAST POCKET
121
00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:32,756
AND YOUR STRING VEST.
122
00:05:32,799 --> 00:05:33,891
WHEN DO I START?
123
00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:35,059
MONDAY.
MARVELOUS.
124
00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:36,534
IF YOU THROW IN
THE SHOES AS WELL.
125
00:05:36,569 --> 00:05:37,763
HELLO, MISS JOHNSON
126
00:05:37,804 --> 00:05:40,295
COULD WE HAVE TWO COFFEE
AND BISCUITS, PLEASE?
127
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:43,104
One coffee and one biscuit
for the two ex-army greatcoats
128
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,939
and the alarm clock
on the mantelpiece.
129
00:05:44,977 --> 00:05:46,911
TWO EX-ARMY GREATCOATS
AND THE ALARM CLOCK
130
00:05:46,946 --> 00:05:49,107
AND A TABLE LAMP
FOR TWO COFFEES AND BISCUITS.
131
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:51,047
TWO GREATCOATS
AND TWO TABLE LAMPS.
132
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:54,110
TWO GREATCOATS, ONE TABLE
LAMP, AND A DESERT BOOT.
133
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,586
FOR TWO COFFEE AND BISCUITS?
134
00:05:55,621 --> 00:05:56,485
DONE.
135
00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:58,456
DONE.
136
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,860
SO, MISS JOHNSON
RETURNED TO HER TYPING
137
00:06:03,896 --> 00:06:06,023
AND DREAMED HER LITTLE
DREAMY DREAMS
138
00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:08,226
UNAWARE AS SHE WAS
OF THE CRUEL TRICK
139
00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:09,791
FATE HAD IN STORE FOR HER.
140
00:06:09,836 --> 00:06:12,464
FOR MISS JOHNSON WAS
ABOUT TO FALL VICTIM
141
00:06:12,505 --> 00:06:16,339
OF THE DREADED, INTERNATIONAL
CHINESE COMMUNIST CONSPIRACY.
142
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:22,638
YES, THESE FANATICAL FIENDS...
143
00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:25,412
UNDER THE LEADERSHIP
OF THE SO-CALLED MAO TSE-TUNG...
144
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:27,248
HAD CAUGHT MISS JOHNSON
OFF GUARD
145
00:06:27,286 --> 00:06:30,016
FOR ONE BRIEF,
BUT FATAL MOMENT...
146
00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:34,259
AND DESTROYED HER.
147
00:06:34,293 --> 00:06:37,626
JUST AS THEY ARE READY TO DO
ANY TIME FREE MEN ANYWHERE
148
00:06:37,663 --> 00:06:39,858
WAVER IN THEIR DEFENSE
OF DEMOCRACY.
149
00:06:51,477 --> 00:06:54,878
YES, ONCE AGAIN, AMERICAN
DEFENSE PROVES ITS EFFECTIVENESS
150
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:56,905
AGAINST INTERNATIONAL COMMUNISM.
151
00:06:56,949 --> 00:07:00,749
USING THIS DIAGRAM OF A TOOTH
TO REPRESENT ANY SMALL COUNTRY
152
00:07:00,787 --> 00:07:03,483
WE CAN SEE HOW
INTERNATIONAL COMMUNISM WORKS
153
00:07:03,523 --> 00:07:05,787
BY ERODING AWAY
FROM THE INSIDE.
154
00:07:08,327 --> 00:07:10,727
WHEN ONE COUNTRY OR TOOTH
FALLS VICTIM
155
00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:14,199
TO INTERNATIONAL COMMUNISM,
ITS NEIGHBORS SOON FOLLOW.
156
00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:17,259
IN DENTISTRY, THIS IS KNOWN
AS THE "DOMINO THEORY."
157
00:07:17,303 --> 00:07:19,066
BUT WITH AMERICAN DEFENSE
158
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,767
THE DECAY IS STOPPED
BEFORE IT STARTS.
159
00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:23,469
AND THAT'S WHY NINE OUT OF TEN
160
00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:25,773
SMALL COUNTRIES CHOOSE
AMERICAN DEFENSE.
161
00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:27,439
OR CRELM TOOTHPASTE
162
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,675
WITH THE MIRACLE INGREDIENT,
FRAUDULIN.
163
00:07:29,715 --> 00:07:32,206
THE WHITE CAR REPRESENTS
CRELM TOOTHPASTE
164
00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:33,946
WITH THE MIRACLE INGREDIENT.
165
00:07:33,986 --> 00:07:35,715
THE NOT-WHITE CAR REPRESENTS
166
00:07:35,755 --> 00:07:36,983
ANOTHER TOOTHPASTE.
167
00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:39,719
BOTH TOOTHPASTES PROVIDE
3O% PROTECTION.
168
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,052
AT 6O% PROTECTION
169
00:07:42,094 --> 00:07:44,119
BOTH TOOTHPASTES
ARE DOING WELL.
170
00:07:45,565 --> 00:07:48,090
AND NOW, AT 9O% PROTECTION,
THE... WAIT!
171
00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:49,862
THE NOT-WHITE CAR IS OUT.
172
00:07:49,902 --> 00:07:51,267
AND CRELM TOOTHPASTE
173
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:53,738
GOES ON TO WIN
WITH 100 PROTECTION.
174
00:07:53,773 --> 00:07:56,674
YES, DO LIKE ALL
SMARTMOTORISTS.
175
00:07:56,709 --> 00:08:00,201
CHOOSE CRELM TOOTHPASTE
OR SHRILL PETROL
176
00:08:00,246 --> 00:08:04,148
WITH THE NEW ADDITIVE,
GLC-9424075.
177
00:08:04,183 --> 00:08:07,152
AFTER 6:00 P.M., 9424047.
178
00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:10,019
USING THIS WHITE CARD
TO REPRESENT ENGINE DEPOSITS
179
00:08:10,056 --> 00:08:11,148
AND THIS BLACK CARD
180
00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:14,159
TO REPRESENT
SHRILL'S NEW ADDITIVE
181
00:08:14,193 --> 00:08:15,353
GLC-9424075...
182
00:08:15,394 --> 00:08:17,828
AFTER 6:00 P.M., 9424077...
183
00:08:17,864 --> 00:08:19,729
WE CAN SEE
HOW THE ENGINE DEPOSITS
184
00:08:19,765 --> 00:08:21,790
ARE PUSHED OFF THE FACE
OF THE EARTH
185
00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:24,359
BY THE SUPERIOR FORCES
AVAILABLE TO SHRILL...
186
00:08:27,139 --> 00:08:30,836
ANYWAY, JOHN, YOU CAN CATCH
THE 11:30 FROM HORNCHURCH
187
00:08:30,877 --> 00:08:33,004
AND BE AT BASINGSTOKE BY 1:00.
188
00:08:33,045 --> 00:08:35,775
OH, AND THERE'S
A BUFFET CAR AND... OH.
189
00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:36,975
DADDY.
190
00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:39,075
MY HAT! SIR HORACE.
191
00:08:39,151 --> 00:08:40,641
HAS HE BEEN?
192
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:41,812
YES, AFTER BREAKFAST.
193
00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:43,378
BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER NOW.
194
00:08:43,422 --> 00:08:44,719
HE'S DEAD.
195
00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:45,985
OH. POOR DADDY.
196
00:08:46,025 --> 00:08:49,188
LOOKS LIKE I SHAN'T
BE CATCHING THE 11:30 NOW.
197
00:08:49,228 --> 00:08:50,388
OH, NO, JOHN
198
00:08:50,429 --> 00:08:52,397
YOU MUSTN'T MISS
YOUR TRAIN.
199
00:08:52,431 --> 00:08:54,626
HOW COULD I THINK
OF CATCHING A TRAIN
200
00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:56,396
WHEN I SHOULD BE HERE
HELPING YOU?
201
00:08:56,435 --> 00:08:57,663
OH, JOHN, THANK YOU.
202
00:08:57,703 --> 00:09:00,263
ANYWAY, YOU COULD ALWAYS
CATCH THE 9:30 TOMORROW.
203
00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:02,137
IT GOES VIA CATERHAM
AND CHIPSTEAD.
204
00:09:02,174 --> 00:09:03,539
OR THE 9:45'S EVEN BETTER.
205
00:09:03,576 --> 00:09:05,908
OH, BUT YOU'D HAVE TO
CHANGE AT LAMBS GREEN.
206
00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:08,413
YES, BUT THERE'S ONLY
A SEVEN-MINUTE WAIT NOW.
207
00:09:08,447 --> 00:09:10,972
OH, YES, OF COURSE. I'D
FORGOTTEN IT WAS FRIDAY.
208
00:09:11,017 --> 00:09:12,541
OH, WHO COULD
HAVE DONE THIS?
209
00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:13,847
OH, DO HURRY, SIR HORACE.
210
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:15,444
YOUR TRAIN LEAVES IN 28 MINUTES
211
00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:18,389
AND IF YOU DON'T MISS THE 10:15,
YOU WON'T CATCH THE 3:45
212
00:09:18,424 --> 00:09:19,550
WHICH MEANS THE... OH.
213
00:09:19,592 --> 00:09:20,923
I'M AFRAID SIR HORACE WON'T
214
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,860
BE CATCHING THE 10:15,
LADY PARTRIDGE.
215
00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:24,760
HAS HE BEEN?
216
00:09:24,797 --> 00:09:26,025
YES, AFTER BREAKFAST.
217
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:27,362
LADY PARTRIDGE
218
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,335
I'M AFRAID YOU CAN CANCEL
HIS SEAT RESERVATION.
219
00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:33,532
OH, AND IT WAS BACK TO
THE ENGINE, FOURTH COACH ALONG
220
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:34,801
SO THAT HE COULD SEE
221
00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:37,172
THE GRADIENT SIGNS
OUTSIDE SWANBOROUGH.
222
00:09:37,209 --> 00:09:39,677
NOT ANY MORE,
LADY PARTRIDGE.
223
00:09:39,712 --> 00:09:40,906
THE LINE'S BEEN CLOSED.
224
00:09:40,947 --> 00:09:42,812
CLOSED? NOT SWANBOROUGH.
225
00:09:42,848 --> 00:09:44,475
I'M AFRAID SO.
226
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:45,745
ALL RIGHT,
NOBODY MOVE.
227
00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:47,878
I'M INSPECTOR DAVIS
OF SCOTLAND YARD.
228
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:50,320
MY WORD, YOU WERE HERE
QUICKLY, INSPECTOR.
229
00:09:50,356 --> 00:09:52,790
YEAH, I GOT THE 8:55 PULLMAN
EXPRESS FROM KING'S CROSS
230
00:09:52,825 --> 00:09:54,554
AND MISSED THAT BIT
AROUND HORNCHURCH.
231
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:55,561
IT'S A VERY GOOD TRAIN.
232
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:56,562
IT'S A VERY
GOOD TRAIN.
233
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:57,563
OH, IT'S AN
EXCELLENT TRAIN.
234
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:58,564
HELLO, EVERYONE.
235
00:09:58,598 --> 00:09:59,565
TONY!
236
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,588
WHERE IS DADDY?
237
00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:01,793
OH, GOLLY.
238
00:10:01,834 --> 00:10:03,199
HAS HE BEEN?
239
00:10:03,235 --> 00:10:04,725
YES, AFTER BREAKFAST.
240
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:07,534
THEN, HE... WON'T BE NEEDING
241
00:10:07,573 --> 00:10:09,473
HIS RESERVATION ON THE 10:15.
242
00:10:09,508 --> 00:10:10,532
EXACTLY.
243
00:10:10,576 --> 00:10:12,203
AND I SUPPOSE AS
HIS ELDEST SON
244
00:10:12,244 --> 00:10:13,268
IT MUST GO TO ME.
245
00:10:13,312 --> 00:10:14,506
JUST A MINUTE, TONY.
246
00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:16,538
THERE'S A SMALL MATTER OF...
MURDER. OH!
247
00:10:16,582 --> 00:10:19,881
OH, BUT SURELY HE SIMPLY SHOT
HIMSELF AND THEN HID THE GUN.
248
00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:22,649
HOW COULD ANYONE SHOOT HIMSELF
AND THEN HIDE THE GUN
249
00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:24,781
WITHOUT FIRST CANCELING
HIS RESERVATION?
250
00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:28,123
HA, HA. WELL, I MUST DASH
OR I'LL BE LATE FOR THE 10:15.
251
00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:30,252
I SUGGEST
YOU MURDERED YOUR FATHER
252
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,661
FOR HIS SEAT RESERVATION.
253
00:10:31,697 --> 00:10:33,460
I MAY HAVE HAD THE
MOTIVE, INSPECTOR
254
00:10:33,499 --> 00:10:34,898
BUT I COULD NOT
HAVE DONE IT
255
00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:37,664
FOR I'VE ONLY JUST ARRIVED
FROM GILLINGHAM ON THE 8:13
256
00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:40,137
AND HERE IS MY RESTAURANT
CAR TICKET TO PROVE IT.
257
00:10:40,239 --> 00:10:41,604
BUT THE 8:13
FROM GILLINGHAM
258
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,131
DOESN'T HAVE A
RESTAURANT CAR.
259
00:10:43,175 --> 00:10:44,699
IT'S A STANDING
BUFFET ONLY.
260
00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:46,302
OH, AH... DID I
SAY THE 8:13?
261
00:10:46,345 --> 00:10:48,142
I MEANT THE 7:58
STOPPING TRAIN.
262
00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:52,082
BUT THE 7:58 STOPPING TRAIN
ARRIVED AT SWINDON AT 8:19
263
00:10:52,118 --> 00:10:54,484
OWING TO ANNUAL
POINT MAINTENANCE
264
00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:56,147
AT WISBOROUGH JUNCTION.
265
00:10:56,255 --> 00:10:58,052
SO HOW DID YOU MAKE
THE CONNECTION
266
00:10:58,090 --> 00:11:00,524
WITH THE 8:13,
WHICH LEFT SIX MINUTES EARLIER?
267
00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:03,027
OH, AH, SIMPLE. I CAUGHT
THE 7:16 FOOTBALL SPECIAL
268
00:11:03,062 --> 00:11:04,461
ARRIVING AT SWINDON AT 8:09.
269
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,192
BUT THE 7:16
FOOTBALL SPECIAL
270
00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:08,860
ONLY STOPS AT SWINDON
ON ALTERNATE SATURDAYS.
271
00:11:08,901 --> 00:11:11,301
YES, SURELY YOU MEAN
THE HOLIDAYMAKER SPECIAL.
272
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:12,531
OH, YES! HOW DAFT OF ME.
273
00:11:12,571 --> 00:11:14,562
OF COURSE, I CAME
ON THE HOLIDAYMAKER SPECIAL
274
00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:16,837
CALLING AT BEDFORD,
COLMWORTH, FEN DITTON, SUTTON
275
00:11:16,876 --> 00:11:18,104
WALLINGTON AND GILLINGHAM.
276
00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:21,272
THAT'S SUNDAYS ONLY.
277
00:11:21,313 --> 00:11:22,940
DAMN.
278
00:11:22,982 --> 00:11:24,950
ALL RIGHT, I CONFESS.
I DID IT.
279
00:11:24,984 --> 00:11:27,111
I KILLED HIM FOR
HIS RESERVATION
280
00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:29,087
BUT YOU WON'T TAKE ME ALIVE.
281
00:11:29,121 --> 00:11:32,852
I'M GOING TO THROW MYSELF
UNDER THE 10:12 FROM READING.
282
00:11:32,892 --> 00:11:34,587
DON'T BE A FOOL, TONY!
DON'T DO IT!
283
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:36,891
THE 10:12 HAS THE NEW NARROW
TRACTION BOGIES.
284
00:11:36,929 --> 00:11:38,362
YOU WOULDN'T STAND A CHANCE.
285
00:11:38,397 --> 00:11:39,830
EXACTLY.
286
00:11:42,334 --> 00:11:45,701
THAT WAS AN EXCERPT
FROM THE LATEST WEST END HIT
287
00:11:45,738 --> 00:11:48,730
IT ALL HAPPENED ON THE 11:20
FROM HAINAULT TO REDHILL
288
00:11:48,774 --> 00:11:51,834
VIA HORSHAM AND REIGATE,
CALLING AT CARSHALTON BEECHES
289
00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:54,141
MALMESBURY,
TOOTING BEC AND CROYDON WEST.
290
00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:56,113
THE AUTHOR IS MR. NEVILLE SHUNT.
291
00:11:56,148 --> 00:11:58,275
CHUFF, CHUFF, CHUFF,
WOOOOOCH, WOOOOOCH!
292
00:11:58,317 --> 00:12:00,683
DIDDLEDUM, DIDDLEDUM, DIDDLEDUM.
TOOT! TOOT!
293
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,085
THE TRAIN IS NOW STANDING
294
00:12:02,121 --> 00:12:03,884
AT PLATFORM EIGHT,
TCH, TCH, TCH.
295
00:12:03,923 --> 00:12:06,289
DIDDLEDUM, DIDDLEDUM,
CHUFFFF CHUFFFFFFFF...
296
00:12:06,325 --> 00:12:08,054
EEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAA VOOOOOMMMMM!
297
00:12:08,094 --> 00:12:09,459
SOME PEOPLE
HAVE MADE THE MISTAKE
298
00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:11,292
OF SEEING SHUNT'S WORK
AS A LOAD OF RUBBISH
299
00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:12,319
ABOUT RAILWAY TIMETABLES
300
00:12:12,364 --> 00:12:13,422
BUT CLEVER PEOPLE LIKE ME
301
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:14,763
WHO TALK LOUDLY IN RESTAURANTS
302
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,199
SEE THIS
AS A DELIBERATE AMBIGUITY
303
00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:18,226
A PLEA FOR UNDERSTANDING
IN A MECHANIZED WORLD.
304
00:12:18,270 --> 00:12:19,965
THE POINTS ARE FROZEN,
THE BEAST IS DEAD.
305
00:12:20,005 --> 00:12:20,994
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE?
306
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:22,268
WHAT, INDEED, IS THE POINT?
307
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:23,332
THE POINT IS FROZEN.
308
00:12:23,375 --> 00:12:24,865
THE BEAST IS LATE
OUT OF PADDINGTON.
309
00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:26,036
THE POINT IS TAKEN.
310
00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:27,978
IF LA FONTAINE'S ELK
WOULD SPURN TOM JONES
311
00:12:28,013 --> 00:12:30,641
THE ENGINE MUST BE OUR HEAD,
THE DINING CAR OUR ESOPHAGUS
312
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:33,345
THE GUARD'S VAN OUR LEFT LUNG,
THE CATTLE TRUCK OUR SHINS
313
00:12:33,385 --> 00:12:34,647
THE FIRST-CLASS COMPARTMENT
314
00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:36,587
THE PIECE OF SKIN
AT THE NAPE OF THE NECK
315
00:12:36,622 --> 00:12:39,090
AND THE LEVEL CROSSING
AN ELECTRIC ELK CALLED SIMON.
316
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:41,685
THE CLARITY IS DEVASTATING,
BUT WHERE IS THE AMBIGUITY?
317
00:12:41,727 --> 00:12:42,887
IT'S OVER THERE IN A BOX.
318
00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:44,793
SHUNT IS SAYING THE 8:15
FROM GILLINGHAM
319
00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:47,128
WHEN IN REALITY, HE MEANS
THE 8:13 FROM GILLINGHAM.
320
00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:49,497
THE TRAIN IS THE SAME,
ONLY THE TIME IS ALTERED.
321
00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:50,866
ECCE HOMO, ERGO ELK.
322
00:12:50,903 --> 00:12:53,371
LA FONTAINE KNEW HIS SISTER
AND KNEW HER BLOODY WELL.
323
00:12:53,405 --> 00:12:55,305
THE POINT IS TAKEN.
THE BEAST IS MOLTING.
324
00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:56,638
THE FLUFF GETS UP YOUR NOSE.
325
00:12:56,675 --> 00:12:57,869
THE ILLUSION IS COMPLETE.
326
00:12:57,910 --> 00:12:59,639
IT IS REALITY,
THE REALITY IS ILLUSION
327
00:12:59,678 --> 00:13:01,305
AND THE AMBIGUITY
IS THE ONLY TRUTH
328
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:03,781
BUT IS THE TRUTH, AS HITCHCOCK
OBSERVES, IN THE BOX?
329
00:13:03,816 --> 00:13:06,250
NO, THERE ISN'T ROOM...
THE AMBIGUITY HAS PUT ON WEIGHT.
330
00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:07,843
THE POINT IS TAKEN,
THE ELK IS DEAD.
331
00:13:07,887 --> 00:13:10,185
THE BEAST STOPS AT SWINDON,
CHABROL STOPS AT NOTHING
332
00:13:10,222 --> 00:13:12,713
I'M HAVING TREATMENT,
AND LA FONTAINE CAN GET KNOTTED.
333
00:13:12,758 --> 00:13:14,316
GAVIN MILLAR...
334
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:15,588
RRRRRRRRRRR.
335
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,493
...WAS NOT TALKING
TO NEVILLE SHUNT.
336
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:19,054
FROM THE WORLD OF THE THEATER
337
00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:21,089
WE TURN TO THE WORLD
OF DENTAL HYGIENE.
338
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,633
NO, NO, NO, NO.
339
00:13:22,668 --> 00:13:25,569
FROM THE WORLD OF THE THEATER
WE TURN TO THE SILVER SCREEN.
340
00:13:25,604 --> 00:13:27,299
WE HONOR
ONE OF THE SILVER SCREEN'S
341
00:13:27,339 --> 00:13:29,773
OUTSTANDING WRITER-DENTISTS,
UH, WRITER-DIRECTORS
342
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,902
MARTIN CURRY,
WHO IS VISITING LONDON
343
00:13:31,944 --> 00:13:35,072
TO HAVE A TOOTH OUT,
FOR THE PRE-MOLAR, UH, PREMIERE
344
00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:37,742
OF HIS FILLING, FILM,
NEXT TOOTHDAY, TUESDA Y
345
00:13:37,783 --> 00:13:39,978
AT THE DENTAL THEATRE,
FILM THEATRE.
346
00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:43,648
MARTIN CURRY, TALKING
TO MATTHEW PALATE, PADGET.
347
00:13:43,689 --> 00:13:45,054
MARTIN CURRY, WELCOME.
348
00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:47,320
ONE OF THE BIG TEETH,
UH, BIG POINTS
349
00:13:47,359 --> 00:13:49,259
THAT THE AMERICAN CRITICS MADE
350
00:13:49,295 --> 00:13:51,991
ABOUT YOUR LATEST FILM,
THE TWELVE CAESARS
351
00:13:52,031 --> 00:13:54,761
WAS THAT IT WAS
ON SO ALL-EMBRACING A TOPIC.
352
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,496
WHAT MADE YOU UNDERTAKE
SO ENORMOUS A TUSK?
353
00:13:57,536 --> 00:13:58,764
TASK?
354
00:14:00,773 --> 00:14:03,537
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN INTERESTED
IN IMPERIAL ROME
355
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:05,043
RIGHT FROM
JULIUS CAESAR
356
00:14:05,077 --> 00:14:06,874
RIGHT THROUGH
TO VETHPATHIAN.
357
00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:07,936
WHO?
358
00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:09,004
VETHPATHIAN.
359
00:14:09,048 --> 00:14:10,072
OH. VESPASIAN.
360
00:14:10,115 --> 00:14:11,082
YES, YES.
361
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:12,343
WELL, WHEN I SAW YOUR FILM
362
00:14:12,384 --> 00:14:14,011
IT DID SEEM TO ME
THAT YOU HAD TAKEN
363
00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:15,953
A RATHER, UM,
SUBJECTIVE APPROACH TO IT.
364
00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:18,183
I'M SORRY?
365
00:14:18,224 --> 00:14:20,488
WELL, I MEAN
ALL YOUR MAIN CHARACTERS
366
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:23,757
HAD THESE ENORMOUS,
WELL, NOT ENORMOUS, BUT, UH...
367
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:26,094
THESE, UM, VERY BIG, UM...
368
00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:27,995
WELL, LET'S HAVE A LOOK
AT A CLIP
369
00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:29,830
IN WHICH JULIUS INCISOR,
CAESAR
370
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:33,100
TALKS TO HIS GENERALS DURING
THE BATTLE AGAINST CARACTATUS.
371
00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:34,866
I DON'T SEE THAT AT ALL.
372
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:38,635
SHALL I ORDER THE CAVALRY
373
00:14:38,677 --> 00:14:43,046
THAT THEY MAY HIDE THEMSELVES
IN THE WOOD, O CAESAR?
374
00:14:43,082 --> 00:14:46,108
THUS, O CAESAR!
THUS, O CAESAR!
375
00:14:46,151 --> 00:14:51,612
TODAY IS ABOUT TO BE A TRIUMPH
FOR OUR NATIVE COUNTRY.
376
00:14:51,657 --> 00:14:54,319
WELL, MARTIN CURRY,
WHY DO ALL YOUR CHARACTERS
377
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:55,793
HAVE THESE VERY BIG, UM...
378
00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:57,989
VERY BIG, UH... TEETH?
379
00:14:58,030 --> 00:14:59,258
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
380
00:14:59,298 --> 00:15:00,595
WELL, I MEAN, UH... EVEN
381
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:02,658
IN YOUR BIBLICAL EPIC,
THE SON OF MAN
382
00:15:02,701 --> 00:15:05,898
JOHN THE BAPTIST HAD THE MOST
ENORMOUS... DENTAL APPENDAGES
383
00:15:05,938 --> 00:15:09,339
AND OF COURSE, UM... HIMSELF
HAD THE MOST MONUMENTAL IVORIES.
384
00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:11,536
WELL, I'M AFRAID I
DON'T SEE THAT AT ALL.
385
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:14,205
UM. WELL,
WHILE WE'RE WAITING...
386
00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:15,577
LOOK, COULD I
HAVE A STRAW?
387
00:15:15,614 --> 00:15:16,740
OH, A STRAW. YES, YES.
388
00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:18,545
WELL, WHILE
WE'RE DOING THAT, UH...
389
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:19,915
PERHAPS WE COULD HAVE A LOOK
390
00:15:19,952 --> 00:15:21,476
AT AN EARLIER FILM,
TRAFALGAR.
391
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:23,420
COVER MY COAT, MR. BUSH.
392
00:15:23,455 --> 00:15:27,482
THE MEN MUST NOT KNOW OF THIS
TILL VICTORY IS OURS.
393
00:15:27,526 --> 00:15:29,551
THE SURGEON'S
COMING, SIR.
394
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,358
NO, TELL THE SURGEON
395
00:15:31,397 --> 00:15:34,560
TO ATTEND THE MEN
THAT CAN BE SAVED.
396
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,568
HE CAN DO LITTLE FOR ME,
I FEAR.
397
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,229
AYE, AYE, SIR.
398
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:40,568
HARDY!
399
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:42,233
HARDY!
400
00:15:42,274 --> 00:15:43,434
SIR?
401
00:15:43,475 --> 00:15:44,840
HARDY... KISS...
402
00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:47,869
ER, PUT YOUR HAND
ON MY THIGH.
403
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,850
HUH. WELL,
MARTIN CURRY, THANK YOU.
404
00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:55,376
UH... WELL, WE ASKED
THE FIRST-NIGHT AUDIENCE
405
00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:57,116
WHAT THEY THOUGHT OF THAT FILM.
406
00:15:57,222 --> 00:15:59,087
IT WASN'T TRUE TO LIFE.
407
00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:00,352
YES, IT WAS.
408
00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:01,484
NO, IT WASN'T.
409
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:03,825
I THOUGHT
IT WAS TOTALLY BIZARRE.
410
00:16:03,862 --> 00:16:06,194
WELL, I'VE BEEN IN THE CITY
FOR OVER 40 YEARS
411
00:16:06,231 --> 00:16:09,064
AND I THINK THE IMPORTANCE
OF LOOKING AFTER POOR PEOPLE
412
00:16:09,168 --> 00:16:10,465
CANNOT BE UNDERSTRESSED.
413
00:16:10,502 --> 00:16:14,529
WELL, I'VE BEEN IN THE CITY
FOR 20 YEARS
414
00:16:14,573 --> 00:16:17,371
AND I MUST ADMIT, I'M LOST.
415
00:16:17,409 --> 00:16:19,468
Well, I've been in the city
all my life
416
00:16:19,511 --> 00:16:22,002
and I'm as alert and active
as I've ever been.
417
00:16:22,047 --> 00:16:24,811
WELL, I'VE BEEN IN THE CITY
SINCE I WAS TWO
418
00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:28,479
AND CERTAINLY WOULDN'T SAY
THAT I WAS STUCK IN A RUT...
419
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,579
STUCK IN A RUT, STUCK IN A RUT.
420
00:16:30,622 --> 00:16:32,590
STUCK IN A RUT, STUCK IN A RUT.
421
00:16:32,624 --> 00:16:33,989
OH, DEAR
422
00:16:34,026 --> 00:16:35,789
MR. BULSTRODE'S
STUCK AGAIN.
423
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,261
STUCK IN A RUT.
424
00:16:37,296 --> 00:16:38,729
I CERTAINLY WOULDN'T SAY
425
00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:40,322
THAT I WAS STUCK IN A RUT.
426
00:16:40,366 --> 00:16:43,096
WELL, I HAVE BEEN IN THE CITY
FOR 30 YEARS
427
00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:47,298
AND I NEVER ONCE REGRETTED BEING
A NASTY, GREEDY, COLD-HEARTED
428
00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:50,206
AVARICIOUS,
MONEY-GRUBBER... CONSERVATIVE.
429
00:16:50,242 --> 00:16:52,233
WELL, I'VE BEEN IN THE CITY
ABOUT 27 YEARS
430
00:16:52,277 --> 00:16:54,768
AND I'D LIKE TO SEE
THE REINTRODUCTION OF FLOGGING.
431
00:16:54,813 --> 00:16:56,440
EVERY THURSDAY,
ROUND AT MY PLACE.
432
00:16:56,482 --> 00:16:59,110
WELL, I'VE BEEN IN THE SEA
FOR 33 YEARS
433
00:16:59,151 --> 00:17:01,051
AND I'VE NEVER REGRETTED IT.
434
00:17:01,153 --> 00:17:02,347
NEITHER HAVE I.
435
00:17:02,388 --> 00:17:03,616
NEITHER HAVE I.
436
00:17:03,655 --> 00:17:04,986
YES, QUITE SO.
437
00:17:07,326 --> 00:17:11,353
I THINK IT MUST BE
A NATURALIST OUTING.
438
00:17:11,397 --> 00:17:13,627
NO, I THINK
IT MUST BE
439
00:17:13,665 --> 00:17:17,032
ONE OF THEM
CRACKPOT RELIGIONS.
440
00:17:19,171 --> 00:17:21,435
THIS IS AN EXAMPLE
OF THE SORT OF ABUSE
441
00:17:21,473 --> 00:17:23,737
WE GET ALL THE TIME
FROM IGNORANT PEOPLE.
442
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,903
I INHERITED THIS RELIGION
FROM MY FATHER
443
00:17:25,944 --> 00:17:28,606
AN EX-USED CAR SALESMAN
AND PART-TIME WINDOW BOX
444
00:17:28,647 --> 00:17:31,616
AND I AM VERY PROUD TO BE
IN CHARGE OF THE FIRST RELIGION
445
00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:33,379
WITH FREE GIFTS.
446
00:17:33,419 --> 00:17:36,911
YOU GET THIS LUXURY TEA TROLLEY
WITH EVERY NEW ENROLLMENT.
447
00:17:36,955 --> 00:17:38,718
IN ADDITION TO THIS, YOU CAN WIN
448
00:17:38,757 --> 00:17:40,952
A THREE-PIECE LOUNGE SUITE
449
00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:43,086
THIS LUXURY CARAVAN
450
00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:46,529
A WEEKEND FOR TWO
WITH PETER BONETTI
451
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,927
THE ENTIRE NORWICH CITY COUNCIL.
452
00:17:55,307 --> 00:17:57,537
AND REMEMBER,
WITH ONLY EIGHT SCORING DRAWS
453
00:17:57,576 --> 00:18:01,171
YOU CAN WIN A BISHOPRIC
IN A SEE OF YOUR OWN CHOICE.
454
00:18:01,213 --> 00:18:04,341
YOU SEE, WE HAVE A MUCH MORE
MODERN APPROACH TO RELIGION.
455
00:18:18,864 --> 00:18:23,062
BLESSED IS ARTHUR CRACKPOT AND
ALL ITS SUBSIDIARIES, LIMITED.
456
00:18:23,168 --> 00:18:25,966
YOU SEE, IN OUR CHURCH,
WE HAVE A LOT MORE FUN.
457
00:18:26,004 --> 00:18:27,335
OH, MRS. COLLINS
458
00:18:27,372 --> 00:18:29,806
YOU DID SAY YOU WERE
NERVOUS, DIDN'T YOU?
459
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:32,470
YOU HAVE EYES
ON THE COFFEE MACHINE?
460
00:18:32,511 --> 00:18:34,069
I DON'T MIND,
I DON'T MIND.
461
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,172
IT'S JUST NICE
TO BE HERE, REVEREND.
462
00:18:36,215 --> 00:18:37,739
ARCHDEACON.
463
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:40,047
WELL, YOU HAVE EYES
FOR THE COFFEE MACHINE
464
00:18:40,085 --> 00:18:42,076
SO LET'S SEE
WHAT YOU'VE WON.
465
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:45,022
YOU CHOSE HYMN 437.
466
00:18:47,159 --> 00:18:48,717
OH, MRS. COLLINS.
467
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:51,524
YOU HAD EYES
ON THE COFFEE MACHINE.
468
00:18:51,563 --> 00:18:54,191
WELL, YOU HAVE WON
TONIGHT'S STAR PRIZE:
469
00:18:54,233 --> 00:18:56,758
THE ENTIRE
NORWICH CITY COUNCIL!
470
00:19:00,405 --> 00:19:02,669
I'VE GOT ONE ALREADY.
471
00:19:03,909 --> 00:19:06,434
A LOT OF RELIGIONS...
NO NAMES, NO PACK DRILL...
472
00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:08,503
DO GO FOR THE POORER TYPE
OF PERSON.
473
00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:11,710
THERE'S MORE OF THEM...
POOR PEOPLE, THIEVES, VILLAINS
474
00:19:11,750 --> 00:19:13,615
POOR PEOPLE
WITHOUT NO MONEY AT ALL.
475
00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:15,586
WELL, WE DON'T HAVE
NONE OF THAT TAT.
476
00:19:15,621 --> 00:19:18,488
RICH PEOPLE AND CRUMPET OVER 16
CAN ENTER FREE
477
00:19:18,524 --> 00:19:20,355
QUITE WELCOME
478
00:19:20,392 --> 00:19:22,952
NOT UNDER FIVE GRAND A YEAR
479
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,519
I CAN'T TOUCH IT.
480
00:19:24,563 --> 00:19:26,258
THERE'S NO RETURN ON IT,
YOU SEE.
481
00:19:26,298 --> 00:19:29,165
DO YOU HAVE ANY DIFFICULTY
CONVERTING PEOPLE?
482
00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:32,193
UH, NO. WELL, WE HAVE WAYS
OF MAKING THEM JOIN.
483
00:19:32,237 --> 00:19:34,296
NORMAN, THERE,
DOES A LOT OF CONVERTING
484
00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:36,432
A LOT OF PROTECTION,
THAT SORT OF THING.
485
00:19:36,475 --> 00:19:38,568
AND THERE'S HIS MATE,
BRUCE BEER.
486
00:19:38,610 --> 00:19:42,068
BRUCY HAS PERSONALLY CONVERTED
92 PEOPLE
487
00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:44,082
25 INSIDE THE DISTANCE.
488
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:47,279
THEN AGAIN, WE'RE NOT AFRAID
TO USE MORE MODERN METHODS.
489
00:19:47,319 --> 00:19:49,787
SARAH, TODAY'S DIOCESAN LOVELY
490
00:19:49,821 --> 00:19:52,517
IS ENOUGH TO MAKE ANY CHAP
GO DOWN ON HIS KNEES.
491
00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:55,686
THIS 23-YEAR-OLD BISHOP HAILS,
APPROPRIATELY ENOUGH
492
00:19:55,727 --> 00:19:57,354
FROM BISHOP'S STORTFORD
493
00:19:57,396 --> 00:19:59,796
AND LISTS HER HOBBIES
AS SWIMMING, RIDING
494
00:19:59,831 --> 00:20:01,196
AND FILM PRODUCERS.
495
00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:02,291
WHAT A GAS!
496
00:20:02,334 --> 00:20:03,596
BET SHE'S NO NOVICE
497
00:20:03,635 --> 00:20:06,399
WHEN IT COMES TO CONVERTING
ALL IN HER SEE.
498
00:20:06,438 --> 00:20:08,565
BASICALLY...
499
00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:14,705
I BELIEVE... IN PEACE
500
00:20:14,746 --> 00:20:19,547
AND BASHING TWO BRICKS TOGETHER.
501
00:20:23,255 --> 00:20:25,120
I'M STARTING A WAR FOR PEACE.
502
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,122
COR BLIMEY!
503
00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:37,829
I'M RAISING POLECATS FOR PEACE.
504
00:20:37,869 --> 00:20:39,564
PEACE? I LIKE A PEACE.
505
00:20:39,605 --> 00:20:41,664
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
506
00:20:41,707 --> 00:20:43,368
SAY NO MORE. NUDGE, NUDGE.
507
00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:45,137
OUR RELIGION IS THE FIRST CHURCH
508
00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:47,543
TO CATER
FOR THE NAUGHTY TYPE OF PERSON.
509
00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:50,104
IF YOU'D LIKE A BIT
OF LOVE-YOUR-NEIGHBOR...
510
00:20:50,148 --> 00:20:51,911
AND WHO DOESN'T NOW AND AGAIN...
511
00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:55,511
THEN SEE VERA AND CICELEY
DURING THE HYMNS.
512
00:20:55,554 --> 00:20:59,251
IN OUR CHURCH, WE TRY TO HELP
PEOPLE TO HELP THEMSELVES
513
00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:01,623
TO CARS, WASHING MACHINES,
LEAD PIPING...
514
00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:02,854
NO QUESTIONS ASKED.
515
00:21:02,894 --> 00:21:05,260
WE'RE THE ONLY CHURCH,
APART FROM THE BAPTISTS
516
00:21:05,297 --> 00:21:06,696
TO DO RE-SPRAY JOBS.
517
00:21:06,732 --> 00:21:08,529
WE IN THE CHURCH
OF THE DIVINE LOONY
518
00:21:08,567 --> 00:21:11,502
BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF PRAYER
TO TURN THE HEAD PURPLE.
519
00:21:13,171 --> 00:21:15,833
I WOULD LIKE TO COME IN HERE
FOR A MOMENT, IF I MAY
520
00:21:15,874 --> 00:21:17,501
AND DISASSOCIATE OUR CHURCH
521
00:21:17,542 --> 00:21:20,033
FROM THESE FRIVOLOUS
AND OFFENSIVE RELIGIONS.
522
00:21:20,078 --> 00:21:22,911
WE ARE PRIMARILY CONCERNED
WITH WHAT IS BEST...
523
00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:26,243
HELLO?
524
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:29,880
OH, WELL,
HOW ABOUT ALLIED BREWERIES?
525
00:21:31,023 --> 00:21:33,719
ALL RIGHT,
BUT KEEP THE RIO TINTO.
526
00:21:33,759 --> 00:21:35,590
...FOR THE HUMAN SOUL.
527
00:21:35,627 --> 00:21:41,293
IN OUR CHURCH, WE BELIEVE,
FIRST AND FOREMOST, IN YOU.
528
00:21:45,837 --> 00:21:50,501
WE WANT YOU TO THINK OF US
AS YOUR FRIEND.
529
00:22:00,686 --> 00:22:03,348
IN THIS PICTURE,
THERE ARE 40 PEOPLE.
530
00:22:03,388 --> 00:22:04,878
NONE OF THEM CAN BE SEEN.
531
00:22:04,923 --> 00:22:08,188
IN THIS FILM, WE HOPE
TO SHOW YOU HOW NOT TO BE SEEN.
532
00:22:14,032 --> 00:22:17,559
THIS IS MR. E.R. BRADSHAW
OF NAPIER COURT
533
00:22:17,602 --> 00:22:19,729
BLACK LION ROAD, SE5.
534
00:22:19,771 --> 00:22:21,636
HE CANNOT BE SEEN.
535
00:22:21,673 --> 00:22:23,664
NOW, I'M GOING TO ASK HIM
TO STAND UP.
536
00:22:23,709 --> 00:22:26,405
MR. BRADSHAW,
WILL YOU STAND UP, PLEASE?
537
00:22:32,751 --> 00:22:37,245
THIS DEMONSTRATES THE VALUE
OF NOT BEING SEEN.
538
00:22:37,289 --> 00:22:39,883
IN THIS PICTURE, WE CANNOT SEE
539
00:22:39,925 --> 00:22:44,294
MRS. B.J. SMEGMA
OF 13, THE CRESCENT, BELMONT.
540
00:22:44,329 --> 00:22:47,628
MRS. SMEGMA,
WILL YOU STAND UP, PLEASE?
541
00:22:51,703 --> 00:22:54,968
THIS IS MR. NESBITT
OF HARLOW, NEW TOWN.
542
00:22:55,006 --> 00:22:57,770
MR. NESBITT, WOULD YOU STAND UP,
PLEASE?
543
00:22:59,811 --> 00:23:02,905
MR. NESBITT HAS LEARNT THE FIRST
LESSON OF NOT BEING SEEN...
544
00:23:02,948 --> 00:23:04,677
NOT TO STAND UP.
545
00:23:04,716 --> 00:23:07,776
HOWEVER, HE HAS CHOSEN
A VERY OBVIOUS PIECE OF COVER.
546
00:23:10,489 --> 00:23:14,357
MR. E.V. LAMBERT OF HOMELEIGH,
THE BURROWS, OSWESTRY
547
00:23:14,393 --> 00:23:16,327
HAS PRESENTED US WITH A POSER.
548
00:23:16,361 --> 00:23:18,556
WE DO NOT KNOW
WHICH BUSH HE IS BEHIND
549
00:23:18,597 --> 00:23:20,326
BUT WE CAN SOON FIND OUT.
550
00:23:29,374 --> 00:23:32,832
YES, IT WAS THE MIDDLE ONE.
551
00:23:35,046 --> 00:23:37,537
MR. KEN ANDREWS
OF LEIGHTON ROAD, SLOUGH
552
00:23:37,582 --> 00:23:39,743
HAS CONCEALED HIMSELF
EXTREMELY WELL.
553
00:23:39,785 --> 00:23:41,685
HE COULD BE ALMOST ANYWHERE.
554
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:44,883
HE COULD BE BEHIND THE WALL,
INSIDE THE WATER BARREL
555
00:23:44,923 --> 00:23:48,120
BENEATH A PILE OF LEAVES,
UP IN THE TREE
556
00:23:48,193 --> 00:23:51,390
SQUATTING DOWN BEHIND THE CAR,
CONCEALED IN A HOLLOW
557
00:23:51,430 --> 00:23:55,127
OR CROUCHED BEHIND
ANY ONE OF A HUNDRED BUSHES.
558
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:58,294
HOWEVER, WE HAPPEN TO KNOW
HE'S IN THE WATER BARREL.
559
00:24:04,342 --> 00:24:09,370
MR. AND MRS. WATSON OF IVY
COTTAGE, WORPLESDON ROAD, HULL
560
00:24:09,414 --> 00:24:12,076
CHOSE A VERY CUNNING WAY
OF NOT BEING SEEN.
561
00:24:12,150 --> 00:24:13,811
WHEN WE CALLED AT THEIR HOUSE
562
00:24:13,852 --> 00:24:16,446
WE FOUND THEY HAD GONE AWAY
ON TWO WEEKS' HOLIDAY.
563
00:24:16,488 --> 00:24:18,547
THEY HAD NOT LEFT
ANY FORWARDING ADDRESS
564
00:24:18,590 --> 00:24:20,683
AND THEY HAD BOLTED
AND BARRED THE HOUSE
565
00:24:20,725 --> 00:24:22,090
TO PREVENT US GETTING IN.
566
00:24:22,194 --> 00:24:26,187
HOWEVER, A NEIGHBOR TOLD US
WHERE THEY WERE.
567
00:24:30,302 --> 00:24:33,635
AND HERE IS THE NEIGHBOR
WHO TOLD US WHERE THEY WERE.
568
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:38,404
NOBODY LIKES A CLEVER DICK.
569
00:24:38,443 --> 00:24:40,536
AND THIS IS WHERE HE LIVED.
570
00:24:41,746 --> 00:24:43,839
AND THIS IS WHERE
LORD LANGDON LIVED
571
00:24:43,882 --> 00:24:45,975
WHO REFUSED TO SPEAK TO US...
572
00:24:46,017 --> 00:24:47,609
AND SO DID THE GENTLEMAN
573
00:24:47,652 --> 00:24:49,984
WHO LIVED HERE...
574
00:24:50,021 --> 00:24:51,921
AND HERE...
575
00:24:51,957 --> 00:24:55,484
AND, OF COURSE, HERE
576
00:24:55,527 --> 00:24:58,690
AND MANCHESTER
577
00:24:58,730 --> 00:25:01,062
AND THE WEST MIDLANDS
578
00:25:01,132 --> 00:25:03,498
SPAIN...
579
00:25:03,535 --> 00:25:05,366
CHINA...
580
00:25:11,510 --> 00:25:14,070
AH. WELL, I'M AFRAID WE HAVE
TO STOP THE FILM THERE
581
00:25:14,179 --> 00:25:16,010
AS SOME OF THE SCENES
WHICH FOLLOWED
582
00:25:16,047 --> 00:25:17,480
WERE OF A VIOLENT NATURE
583
00:25:17,516 --> 00:25:20,178
WHICH MIGHT PROVE DISTRESSING
TO SOME OF OUR VIEWERS
584
00:25:20,218 --> 00:25:22,243
THOUGH NOT TO ME,
I CAN TELL YOU.
585
00:25:23,488 --> 00:25:25,183
IN NOVA SCOTIA TODAY
586
00:25:25,223 --> 00:25:27,487
MR. ROY BENT OF NORTH WALSHAM
IN NORFOLK
587
00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:30,825
BECAME THE FIRST MAN TO CROSS
THE ATLANTIC ON A TRICYCLE.
588
00:25:30,862 --> 00:25:33,422
HIS TRICYCLE, SPECIALLY ADAPTED
FOR THE CROSSING
589
00:25:33,465 --> 00:25:35,899
WAS 90-FOOT LONG
WITH A PROTECTIVE STEEL HULL
590
00:25:35,934 --> 00:25:38,425
THREE FUNNELS,
17 FIRST-CLASS CABINS
591
00:25:38,470 --> 00:25:40,836
AND A RADAR SCANNER.
592
00:25:40,872 --> 00:25:43,204
MR. BENT IS
IN OUR DURHAM STUDIOS
593
00:25:43,241 --> 00:25:45,072
WHICH IS RATHER UNFORTUNATE
594
00:25:45,110 --> 00:25:47,408
AS WE'RE ALL DOWN HERE
IN LONDON.
595
00:25:50,048 --> 00:25:51,675
AND IN LONDON...
596
00:25:51,716 --> 00:25:54,116
IN LONDON, I HAVE WITH ME
MR. LUDOVIC GRAYSON
597
00:25:54,152 --> 00:25:59,681
THE MAN WHO SCORED ALL SIX GOALS
IN ARSENAL'S 1-NIL VICTORY
598
00:25:59,724 --> 00:26:02,056
OVER THE TURKISH CHAMPIONS
FC BOTTY.
599
00:26:02,127 --> 00:26:05,494
LUDOVIC, FIRST OF ALL,
CONGRATULATIONS ON THE VICTORY.
600
00:26:05,530 --> 00:26:06,554
THANK YOU, DAVID.
601
00:26:06,598 --> 00:26:08,589
IT SHOULD SEND YOU BACK TO BOTTY
602
00:26:08,633 --> 00:26:09,930
WITH A BIG LEAD.
603
00:26:09,968 --> 00:26:12,266
OH, YES. WELL,
WE'RE FAIRLY CONFIDENT, DAVID.
604
00:26:12,304 --> 00:26:13,896
WELL, AT THE MOMENT, LUDOVIC
605
00:26:13,939 --> 00:26:17,067
YOU'RE CROUCHING DOWN
INSIDE A FILING CABINET.
606
00:26:17,108 --> 00:26:18,632
YES, THAT'S RIGHT, DAVID.
607
00:26:18,677 --> 00:26:20,372
I'M TRYING NOT TO BE SEEN.
608
00:26:20,412 --> 00:26:22,312
I SEE.
IS THIS THROUGH FEAR?
609
00:26:22,347 --> 00:26:24,281
OH, NO, NO.
IT'S COMMON SENSE, REALLY.
610
00:26:24,316 --> 00:26:26,477
IF THEY CAN'T SEE YOU,
THEY CAN'T GET YOU.
611
00:26:26,518 --> 00:26:29,214
HA, HA, HA, BUT, OF COURSE,
THEY CAN STILL HEAR YOU.
612
00:26:29,254 --> 00:26:30,482
HUH?
613
00:26:33,291 --> 00:26:35,088
LUDOVIC GRAYSON,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH
614
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:36,923
FOR COMING
ON THE PROGRAM TONIGHT.
615
00:26:36,962 --> 00:26:38,520
AND WE END THE SHOW WITH MUSIC
616
00:26:38,563 --> 00:26:40,690
AND HERE WITH THEIR
VERY LATEST RECORDING:
617
00:26:40,732 --> 00:26:43,098
"YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY,
I'VE GOT LOVE IN MY TUMMY"
618
00:26:43,201 --> 00:26:45,032
JACKIE CHARLTON
AND THE TONETTES.
619
00:28:15,994 --> 00:28:18,986
FOR THOSE OF YOU
WHO MAY HAVE JUST MISSED
620
00:28:19,030 --> 00:28:21,055
MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS
621
00:28:21,166 --> 00:28:22,428
HERE IT IS AGAIN.
622
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:58,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll