COME ON.
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT...
IT'S...
MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS.
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THE CHANGE
MR. TOBACCONIST.
WAS THAT ALL RIGHT?
SHH! SHH!
UH... HAH...
I WILL NOT BUY THIS RECORD.
IT IS SCRATCHED.
SORRY?
I WILL NOT BUY THIS RECORD.
IT IS SCRATCHED.
NO, NO, NO.
THIS... TOBACCONIST'S.
AH!
I WILL NOT BUY THIS TOBACCONIST'S.
IT IS SCRATCHED.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
TOBACCO. UM... CIGARETTES.
YAH. YEAH?
YAH. CIGARETTES. YAH.
UH... UH... YAH.
MY HOVERCRAFT IS FULL OF EELS.
MY HOVERCRAFT...
IS FULL OF EELS.
MATCHES. MATCHES.
YAH, YAH, YAH, YAH, YAH.
DO YOU WANT...
TO COME BACK TO MY PLACE...
BOUNCY BOUNCY?
I DON'T THINK YOU'RE USING THAT RIGHT.
YOU GREAT POOF.
UM... THAT'LL BE SIX AND SIX, PLEASE.
IF I SAID YOU HAD A BEAUTIFUL BODY
WOULD YOU HOLD IT AGAINST ME?
I-I AM NO LONGER INFECTED.
UM... MAY I? MAY I?
YAH, YAH, YAH.
IT COSTS SIX AND SIX...
COSTS SIX AND... AH!
HERE WE ARE. UM...
YANDELVA YASNA GRLDENWI
STRA VENKA.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, THEN?
AH! YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL THIGHS.
WHAT?
HE HIT ME.
DROP YOUR PANTIES, SIR WILLIAM.
I CANNOT WAIT TILL LUNCHTIME.
RIGHT!
MY NIPPLES
EXPLODE WITH DELIGHT.
CALL ALEXANDER YAHLT.
OH, SHUT UP!
YOU ARE ALEXANDER YAHLT?
OH, I AM.
SKIP THE IMPERSONATIONS.
YOU ARE ALEXANDER YAHLT?
I AM.
YOU ARE HEREBY CHARGED
THAT ON THE 28th DAY OF MAY, 1970
YOU DID WILLFULLY, UNLAWFULLY, AND WITH MALICE AFORETHOUGHT
PUBLISH AN ALLEGED ENGLISH/HUNGARIAN PHRASE BOOK
WITH INTENT
TO CAUSE A BREACH OF THE PEACE.
HOW DO YOU PLEAD?
NOT GUILTY.
YOU LIVE AT 46 HORTON TERRACE?
I DO LIVE AT 46 HORTON TERRACE.
YOU ARE THE DIRECTOR OF A PUBLISHING COMPANY?
I AM THE DIRECTOR OF A PUBLISHING COMPANY.
YOUR COMPANY PUBLISHES PHRASE BOOKS?
MY COMPANY DOES PUBLISH PHRASE BOOKS.
YOU DID SAY 46 HORTON TERRACE, DID YOU?
YES.
HAH! GOT HIM!
GET ON WITH IT.
YES, M'LORD.
ON THE 28th DAY OF MAY
YOU PUBLISHED THIS PHRASE BOOK.
I DID.
I QUOTE AN EXAMPLE.
THE HUNGARIAN PHRASE MEANING
"CAN YOU DIRECT ME TO THE STATION"
IS TRANSLATED BY THE ENGLISH PHRASE
"PLEASE FONDLE MY BUM."
I WISH TO PLEAD INCOMPETENCE.
PLEASE, MAY I ASK FOR AN ADJOURNMENT, M'LORD?
ADJOURNMENT? CERTAINLY NOT.
WHY ON EARTH DIDN'T YOU SAY WHY YOU WANTED AN ADJOURNMENT?
I DIDN'T KNOW AN ACCEPTABLE LEGAL PHRASE, M'LORD.
IF THERE'S ANY MORE STOCK FILM OF WOMEN APPLAUDING
I SHALL CLEAR THE COURT.
CALL ABIGAIL TESLER.
M'LORD, THIS IS ABIGAIL TESLER.
IS IT?
YES, M'LORD.
23-YEAR-OLD ABIGAIL HAILS FROM DOWN UNDER
WHERE THEY'RE UPSIDE DOWN ABOUT HER.
THOSE AUSSIES CERTAINLY KNOW A THING OR TWO
WHEN IT COMES TO BEACH BELLES.
BET SOME LIFESAVER WOULDN'T MIND GIVING HER THE KISS OF LIFE.
SO WATCH OUT FOR THE SHARKS, ABIGAIL.
Journalist "IS THIS STRICTLY RELEVANT?"
QUIZZED LEARNED LOVELY, JUSTICE MALTRA VERS.
78-YEAR-OLD JUSTICE HAILS FROM ESHER
AND HE'S BEEN MAKING A BIG NAME FOR HIMSELF
AT THE RECENTASSIZES AT EXETER.
"ALL WILL BE REVEALED SOON, M'LORD"
QUIPPED TALL, 42-YEAR-OLD NELSON BEDOWES, CUTIE Q.C.
NELSON'S KEEN ON NEGLIGENCE
AND GRIEVOUS BODILY HARM AT GRAY'S INN.
AND WITH CASES LIKE HE'S WON
WE BET GRAY'S IN WHEN NELSON'S AROUND.
"WELL, GET ON WITH IT"
ADMITTED 78-YEAR-OLD GENIAL JURISPRUDE MALTRA VERS
SEEN HERE AT LONDON AIRPORT ON HIS WA Y TO JUDGE FOR BRITAIN
AT THE FAMOUS INTERNATIONAL COURTAT THE HAGUE.
GET OFF!
GOOD EVENING.
TONIGHT IS INDEED A UNIQUE OCCASION
IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION.
WE ARE VERY PRIVILEGED AND DEEPLY HONORED
TO HAVE WITH US IN THE STUDIO KARL MARX
FOUNDER OF MODERN SOCIALISM
AND AUTHOR OF THE COMMUNISTMANIFESTO.
VLADIMIR ILICH ULYANOV
BETTER KNOWN TO THE WORLD AS LENIN
LEADER OF THE RUSSIAN REVOLUTION, WRITER, STATESMAN
AND FATHER OF MODERN COMMUNISM.
CHE GUEVARA
THE CUBAN GUERRILLA LEADER
AND MAO TSE TUNG
LEADER OF THE CHINESE COMMUNIST PARTY SINCE 1949.
AND THE FIRST QUESTION IS FOR YOU, KARL MARX.
"THE HAMMERS."
"'THE HAMMERS' IS THE NICKNAME OF WHAT ENGLISH FOOTBALL TEAM?"
THE HAMMERS?
NO? WELL, BAD LUCK THERE, KARL.
SO WE GO ON TO YOU, CHE.
CHE GUEVARA.
"COVENTRY CITY LAST WON THE F.A. CUP IN WHAT YEAR?"
NO?
I'LL THROW IT OPEN.
"COVENTRY CITY LAST WON THE F.A. CUP IN WHAT YEAR?"
NO? WELL, I'M NOT SURPRISED YOU DIDN'T GET THAT.
IT WAS IN FACT A TRICK QUESTION.
COVENTRY CITY HAVE NEVER WON THE F.A. CUP.
SO, WITH THE SCORES ALL EQUAL NOW
WE GO ON TO OUR SECOND ROUND
AND, LENIN, IT'S YOUR STARTER FOR TEN.
"TEDDY JOHNSON AND PEARL CARR
"WON THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST IN 1959.
WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THE SONG?"
TEDDY JOHNSON AND PEARL CARR'S SONG
IN THE 1959 SONG CONTEST?
ANYBODY? NO?
YES, MAO TSE-TUNG.
"SING LITTLE BIRDIE"?
YES, IT WAS INDEED.
WELL CHALLENGED.
WELL, NOW WE COME ON TO OUR SPECIAL GIFT SECTION.
THE CONTESTANT IS KARL MARX
AND THE PRIZE THIS WEEK IS A BEAUTIFUL LOUNGE SUITE.
NOW, KARL HAS ELECTED TO ANSWER QUESTIONS
ON THE WORKERS' CONTROL OF FACTORIES
SO HERE WE GO WITH QUESTION NUMBER ONE.
YOU NERVOUS?
"THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE INDUSTRIAL PROLETARIAT
IS CONDITIONED BY WHAT OTHER DEVELOPMENT?"
THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE INDUSTRIAL BOURGEOISIE.
YES. YES. YES, INDEED.
YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY TO YOUR LOUNGE SUITE, KARL.
"THE STRUGGLE OF CLASS AGAINST CLASS
IS A WHAT STRUGGLE?"
"A WHAT STRUGGLE?"
A POLITICAL STRUGGLE.
YES. YES.
ONE FINAL QUESTION, KARL
AND THE BEAUTIFUL LOUNGE SUITE WILL BE YOURS.
YOU GOING TO HAVE A GO?
YOU'RE A BRAVE MAN.
KARL MARX, YOUR FINAL QUESTION:
"WHO WON THE CUP FINAL IN 1949?"
UH... THE WORKERS CONTROL THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION.
THE STRUGGLE OF THE URBAN PROLETARIAT.
NO. IT WAS IN FACT WOLVERHAMPTON WANDERERS
WHO BEAT LEICESTER 3-1.
AH. THANK YOU.
JUST THE WORD I WAS LOOKING FOR.
"I WONDER," SAID LA FARGE
"JUST HOW MUCH MOLINEUX."
HEY!
THAT'S THE BAD JOKES.
AND NOW A BIT OF FUN.
JENKINS?
YES, SARGE?
WHAT YOU GONNA DO WHEN YOU GET BACK TO BLIGHTY?
I DON'T KNOW, SARGE.
I 'SPECT I'LL BE LOOKING AFTER ME MUM.
SHE'LL BE GETTING ON A BIT NOW.
GOT FAMILY OF YOUR OWN, HAVE YOU?
NO, SHE'S...
SHE'S ALL I GOT LEFT NOW.
MY WIFE DOREEN, SHE...
I GOT A LETTER.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME, SON.
NO, SARGE, I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU.
SEE... THIS PLACE...
HOLD IT!
LOOK, LOVES, CAN ANYONE NOT INVOLVED IN THIS SCENE
PLEASE LEAVE THE SET?
NOW, COME ON. PLEASE.
ANYONE NOT CONCERNED IN THIS SCENE.
THE CANTEEN'S OPEN UPSTAIRS.
NOW, COME ON, PLEASE.
SORRY, LOVES, SORRY.
WE'LL HAVE TO TAKE IT AGAIN FROM THE TOP, ALL RIGHT?
OKAY.
CUE!
HOLD IT!
NOW, WHO CHANGED THE CAPTION?
CAN WHOEVER CHANGED THE CAPTION
PUT THE RIGHT ONE BACK IMMEDIATELY, PLEASE?
RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, WE'LL TAKE IT AGAIN FROM THE TOP. CUE.
HOLD IT!
COME ON, COME ON, OUT OF THERE!
YOU'RE NOT IN THIS.
YOU'RE JUST HOLDING THE WHOLE THING UP.
COME ON, PLEASE.
IT'S NO GOOD, LOVES, IT'S NO GOOD.
WE'LL HAVE TO LEAVE IT FOR NOW.
COME BACK WHEN EVERYONE'S SETTLED DOWN A BIT.
SO THAT MEANS WE GO OVER TO THE ART ROOM, ALL RIGHT?
SO, CUE CAMERA THREE.
SORRY! CAMERA FOUR.
AREN'T THEY MARVELOUS?
YES, YES.
THE STRENGTH AND BOLDNESS...
LIFE AND POWER IN THOSE COLORS.
THIS MUST BE TITIAN'S MASTERPIECE.
OH, INDEED, IF ONLY FOR THE COMPOSITION ALONE.
THE STRENGTH OF THOSE FOREGROUND FIGURES
THE FIRMNESS OF THE LINE.
YES, THE CONFIDENCE OF A MASTER AT THE HEIGHT OF HIS POWERS.
YES?
HELLO, SONNY. YOUR DAD IN?
YES.
COULD I SPEAK TO HIM, PLEASE?
IT'S THE MAN FROM "THE HAY-WAIN."
WHO?
THE MAN FROM "THE HAY-WAIN" BY CONSTABLE.
DAD! IT'S THE MAN FROM "THE HAY-WAIN"
BY CONSTABLE TO SEE YOU.
COMING.
HELLO.
HOW ARE YOU? COME ON IN.
OH, NO, NO. CAN'T STOP.
JUST PASSING BY, ACTUALLY.
OH. WHERE ARE YOU NOW?
WELL MAY YOU ASK.
WE'VE JUST BEEN MOVED IN NEXT TO A ROOMFUL OF BRUEGELS.
TERRIBLE BLOODY DIN... SKATING ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT.
ANYWAY, I'VE JUST DROPPED IN TO TELL YOU
THERE'S BEEN A WALKOUT IN THE IMPRESSIONISTS.
WALKOUT, EH?
YEAH. IT STARTED WITH THE DEJEUNER SUR L'HERBE LOT.
EVIDENTLY, THEY WERE MOVED AWAY
FROM ABOVE THE RADIATOR OR SOMETHING.
ANYWAY, THE IMPRESSIONISTS ARE ALL OUT.
GAINSBOROUGH'S BLUE BOY'S BROUGHT OUT THE 18th-CENTURY ENGLISH PORTRAITS
THE FLEMISH SCHOOL'S SOLID, AND THE GERMAN WOODCUTS ARE AT A MEETING NOW.
RIGHT. WELL, I'LL GET THE RENAISSANCE SCHOOL OUT.
OKAY. MEETING 4:30... "BRIDGE AT ARLES."
OKAY. CHEERIO. GOOD LUCK, SON.
GOOD LUCK.
RIGHT. EVERYBODY OUT!
I'M OFF.
I'M OFF, DEAR.
I'M OFF.
I'M OFF, TOO.
I'M OFF.
Here is the news.
By an almost unanimous vote
paintings in the National Gallery
voted to continue the strike
that has emptied frames for the last week.
The man from Constable's "The Hay-Wain"
said last night that there was no chance
of a return to the pictures before the weekend.
Sir Kenneth Clarke has said he will talk to any painting
if it can help bring a speedy end to the strike.
At Sotheby's, prices dropped dramatically
as leading figures left their paintings.
WHAT AM I BID FOR VERMEER'S
"LADY WHO USED TO BE AT A WINDOW"?
DO I HEAR TWO BOB?
TWO BOB!
GONE.
NOW WHAT AM I BID FOR ANOTHER GREAT BARGAIN...
EDWIN LANDSEER'S "NOTHING AT BAY"?
ALL WE BLOODY WANT
IS A LITTLE BIT OF BLOODY CONSULTATION.
AT A MASS MEETING AT BRENTFORD FOOTBALL GROUND
OTHER WORKS OF ART VOTED TO COME OUT
IN SUPPORT OF THE PAINTINGS.
THE VOTE WAS UNANIMOUS...
WITH ONE ABSTENTION.
Meanwhile at Television Centre
work began again on a sketch about Ypres.
A spokesman for the sketch said he fully expected it
to be more sensible this time.
JENKINS?
YES, SARGE?
WHAT YOU GONNA DO
WHEN YOU GET BACK TO BLIGHTY?
I DON'T KNOW, SARGE.
I 'SPECT I'LL LOOK AFTER ME MUM.
SHE'LL BE GETTING ON A BIT NOW.
GOT A FAMILY OF YOUR OWN, HAVE YOU?
NO. SHE-SHE'S ALL I GOT LEFT NOW.
MY WIFE DOREEN, SHE...
I GOT A LETTER.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME, SON.
NO, SARGE, I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU.
YOU SEE, THIS BLOKE FROM UP THE STREET...
OKAY, CHAPS.
AT EASE.
I'VE JUST BEEN UP THE LINE.
CAN WE GET THROUGH, SIR?
NO. I'M AFRAID WE'LL HAVE TO MAKE
A BREAK FOR IT AT NIGHTFALL.
RIGHT, SIR.
WE'RE ALL WITH YOU.
YES, I KNOW.
THAT'S JUST THE PROBLEM, SERGEANT.
HOW MANY ARE THERE OF US?
WELL, SIR, THERE'S YOU, ME, JENKINS
PADRE, KIPPER... THERE'S FIVE, SIR.
AND ONLY RATIONS FOR...
FOUR, SIR.
PRECISELY.
I'M AFRAID ONE OF US
WILL HAVE TO TAKE THE OTHER WAY OUT.
I'M A GONER, MAJOR.
LEAVE ME.
I'M... I'M NOT A COMPLETE MAN ANYMORE.
YOU'VE LOST BOTH YOUR ARMS AS WELL.
YES.
DAMN SILLY, REALLY.
NO, NO, WE'LL DRAW FOR IT.
THAT'S THE WAY WE DO THINGS IN THE ARMY.
SERGEANT, THE STRAWS.
RIGHTO.
ALL RIGHT.
NOW, THE MAN WHO GETS THE SHORTEST STRAW
KNOWS WHAT TO DO.
LOOKS LIKE
YOU, SIR.
IS IT? OH, WHAT DID WE SAY...
"THE LONGEST STRAW," WAS IT?
NO. SHORTEST, SIR.
WELL, WE BETTER DO IT AGAIN.
THERE'S OBVIOUSLY BEEN A BIT OF A MUDDLE.
THERE WE GO.
BEST OF THREE?
RIGHT.
WELL, I GOT THE SHORTEST STRAW, SO...
I DECIDE WHAT MEANS WE USE TO DECIDE WHO'S GOING TO DO...
TO-TO-TO, UH, TO, UH, TO DO THE THING...
TO DO THE RIGHT THING.
NOW, RANK DOESN'T ENTER INTO THIS.
BUT OBVIOUSLY, IF I SHOULD GET THROUGH THE LINES
I'LL BE IN A VERY GOOD POSITION TO RECOMMEND ANYONE VERY HIGHLY
FOR A POSTHUMOUS V.C.
NO? GOOD, FINE.
FINE, FINE, FINE, FINE.
RIGHT.
DIP, DIP, DIP, MY LITTLE SHIP
SAILS ON THE OCEAN, YOU ARE...
NO, NO, WAIT A MINUTE.
UM... I-I-I MUST HAVE MISSED OUT A DIP.
WE'LL START AGAIN.
DIP, DIP, DIP, DIP, MY LITTLE SHIP
SAILS ON THE OCEAN, YOU ARE...
NO, THIS IS NOT WORKING OUT.
IT-IT'S NOT WORKING OUT.
UH, WHAT-WHAT SHALL WE DO?
HOW ABOUT ONE POTATO, TWO POTATO, SIR?
DON'T BE CHILDISH, JENKINS.
NO, UM, I THINK- I THINK FISTIES
WOULD BE BEST.
OKAY? SO, UH, HANDS BEHIND BACKS.
AFTER "THREE," OKAY?
ONE, TWO, THREE!
NOW, WHAT'S THIS?
UH, STONE, STONE, STONE AND SCISSORS.
NOW, UH, SCISSORS CUT EVERYTHING, DON'T THEY?
NOT STONES, SIR.
THEY'RE VERY GOOD SCISSORS.
AND PADRE HASN'T BEEN!
NO ARMS, SIR.
OH, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.
I-I-I-I'M AFRAID I DIDN'T, UM...
TELL YOU WHAT... ALL THOSE PEOPLE
WHO DON'T WANT TO STAY HERE
AND SHOOT THEMSELVES. RAISE THEIR ARMS.
STOP IT! STOP IT!
STOP THIS... THIS HIDEOUS FACADE.
E... EASY, PADRE.
NO, NO, I MUST SPEAK.
WHEN I... WHEN I CAME
TO THIS WAR, I HAD TWO ARMS... TWO GOOD ARMS
BUT WHEN THE TIME CAME TO... TO LOSE ONE, I...
I GAVE IT... I GAVE IT GLADLY.
I SMILED AS THEY CUT IT OFF
BECAUSE I KNEW THERE WAS A FUTURE FOR MANKIND. I...
I KNEW THERE WAS HOPE
SO LONG AS MEN WERE PREPARED TO GIVE THEIR LIMBS!
AND WHEN THE TIME CAME FOR ME TO GIVE MY OTHER ARM, I...
I GAVE IT GLADLY, I...
I SANG AS THEY SAWED IT OFF, BECAUSE I BELIEVED...
OH, YOU MAY LAUGH!...
BUT I BELIEVED WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BODY
WITH EVERY DROP OF RAIN THAT FALLS
A... A FLOWER GROWS.
AND THAT FLOWER...
THAT SMALL, AGILE, DELICATE FLOWER...
SHALL BURST FORTH
TO GIVE A NEW LIFE
A NEW STRENGTH!
...THERE IS FREEDOM... FREEDOM FROM FEAR
FREEDOM FROM OPPRESSION AND FREEDOM FROM TYRANNY.
A WORLD WHERE MEN AND WOMEN OF ALL RACES AND CREEDS
CAN LIVE TOGETHER IN COMMUNION.
AND THEN IN THE TWILIGHT OF THIS LIFE
OUR CHILDREN AND OUR CHILDREN'S CHILDREN...
OUR PATIENTS HERE
ARE SUFFERING FROM SEVERE OVERACTING.
ARGH! JIM, LAD!
WHEN THEY'RE BROUGHT IN, THEY'RE ALL REALLY OVER THE TOP.
IT'S OUR JOB TO TRY AND TREAT THE CONDITION OF OVERACTING.
RATHER SERIOUS.
THIS IS THE RICHARD III WARD.
A HORSE. A HORSE.
MY KINGDOM FOR A HORSE.
MOST OF THESE CASES ARE PRETTY UNPLEASANT.
A HORSE!
NURSE?
A HORSE!
MY KINGDOM FOR...
BUT THE TREATMENT DOES WORK WITH SOME PEOPLE.
THIS CHAP CAME TO US
STRAIGHT FROM THE CHICHESTER FESTIVAL.
WE OPERATED JUST IN TIME, AND NOW HE'S ALMOST NORMAL.
A HORSE, A HORSE.
MY KINGDOM FOR A HORSE.
ARGH! ARGH! ARGH! ARGH!
BUT, UH, IN HERE, WE HAVE SOME VERY NASTY
CASES, INDEED.
TO BE OR NOT TO BE.
THAT IS THE QUESTION.
TO BE... TO BE...
OH. OH.
GOOD EVENING.
FIRST, TAKE A BUNCH OF FLOWERS:
PRETTY BEGONIAS, IRISES, FREESIAS
AND CRY-MANTHESUMS.
THEN...
ARRANGE THEM...
NICELY...
IN A VASE!
OH, GET IN!
GET IN!
GET IN! OH!
SHH!
MORNING.
MORNING!
WHAT YOU GOT, THEN?
WELL, THERE'S EGG AND BACON.
UH, EGG, SAUSAGE AND BACON.
EGG AND SPAM.
EGG, BACON AND SPAM.
EGG, BACON, SAUSAGE AND SPAM.
SPAM, BACON, SAUSAGE AND SPAM.
SPAM, EGG, SPAM, SPAM, BACON AND SPAM.
SPAM, SPAM
SPAM, EGG AND SPAM.
SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, BAKED BEANS
SPAM, SPAM, SPAM AND SPAM.
OR LOBSTER THERMIDOR AUX CREVETTES WITH MORNAY SAUCE
GARNISHED WITH TRUFFLE PATE, BRANDY, AND A FRIED EGG ON TOP
AND SPAM.
HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING WITHOUT SPAM IN IT?
WELL, SPAM, EGG, SAUSAGE AND SPAM.
IT'S NOT GOT MUCH SPAM IN IT.
I DON'T WANT ANY SPAM!
WHY CAN'T SHE HAVE EGG, BACON, SPAM AND SAUSAGE?
THAT'S GOT SPAM IN IT!
NOT AS MUCH AS SPAM, EGG, SAUSAGE AND SPAM.
LOOK, COULD I HAVE EGG, BACON, SPAM AND SAUSAGE
WITHOUT THE SPAM?
UGH!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN "UGH"?
I DON'T LIKE SPAM!
SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
YOU CAN'T HAVE EGG, BACON, SPAM AND SAUSAGE
WITHOUT THE SPAM.
WHY NOT?!
WELL, IT WOULDN'T BE EGG, BACON, SPAM AND SAUSAGE
WOULD IT?
I DON'T LIKE SPAM!!!
OH, DON'T MAKE A FUSS, DEAR. I'LL HAVE YOUR SPAM.
I LOVE IT! I'M HAVING SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM...
...SPAM, BAKED BEANS, SPAM, SPAM AND SPAM!
BAKED BEANS ARE OFF.
WELL, CAN I HAVE SPAM INSTEAD?
YOU MEAN SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM...
UGH!
SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
"OH, GREAT BOOBIES, HONEY BUN.
"MY LOWER INTESTINE IS FULL OF SPAM, EGG, SPAM, BACON...
SHUT UP!
"MY NIPPLES EXPLODE..."
ANOTHER GREAT VIKING VICTORY
WAS AT THE GREEN MIDGET CAFE IN BROMLEY.
ONCE AGAIN, THE VIKING STRATEGY WAS THE SAME.
THEY SAILED FROM THESE FJORDS HERE
ASSEMBLED AT TRONDHEIM
AND WAITED FOR THE STRONG NORTHEASTERLY WINDS
TO BLOW THEIR OAKEN GALLEYS TO ENGLAND
WHENCE THEY SAILED ON MAY THE 23rd.
ONCE IN BROMLEY, THEY ASSEMBLED IN THE GREEN MIDGET CAFE
AND SPAM SELECTING A SPAM PARTICULAR SPAM ITEM
FROM THE SPAM MENU WOULD...
SHUT UP!
HAAGBARD ETHELDRONGA AND HIS VIKING HORDES
ARE CURRENTLY APPEARING IN GRIN AND PILLAGE IT
AT THE JODRELL THEATRE, COLWYN BAY.
THE DIRTY HUNGARIAN PHRASE BOOK IS AVAILABLE
FROM HER MAJESTY'S STATIONERY OFFICE.
PRICE... A KISS ON THE BUM.
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll