1
00:00:01,868 --> 00:00:03,392
THIS IS CAPTAIN MacPHERSON
2
00:00:03,436 --> 00:00:06,064
WELCOMING YOU ABOARD
EAST SCOTTISH AIRWAYS.
3
00:00:06,106 --> 00:00:07,596
YOU'LL HAVE HAD
YOUR TEA.
4
00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:09,267
OUR DESTINATION
IS GLASGOW.
5
00:00:09,309 --> 00:00:11,402
THERE IS NO NEED
TO PANIC.
6
00:00:12,812 --> 00:00:14,677
THERE'S A BOMB
ONBOARD THIS PLANE
7
00:00:14,714 --> 00:00:16,306
AND I'LL TELL YOU
WHERE IT IS
8
00:00:16,349 --> 00:00:17,611
FOR A THOUSAND POUNDS.
9
00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:20,786
I DON'T
BELIEVE YOU.
10
00:00:20,820 --> 00:00:23,516
IF YOU DON'T TELL ME
WHERE THE BOMB IS...
11
00:00:23,556 --> 00:00:25,615
IF I DON'T GIVE YOU
THE MONEY...
12
00:00:25,658 --> 00:00:27,523
UNLESS YOU GIVE ME
THE BOMB...
13
00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:29,221
THE MONEY.
14
00:00:29,262 --> 00:00:31,230
THE MONEY... THANK YOU,
PRETTY LADY...
15
00:00:31,264 --> 00:00:33,425
THE BOMB WILL EXPLODE,
KILLING EVERYBODY.
16
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:35,695
INCLUDING YOU.
17
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:38,904
I'LL TELL YOU WHERE IT IS
FOR A POUND.
18
00:00:40,340 --> 00:00:41,432
ALL RIGHT,
HERE'S A POUND.
19
00:00:41,508 --> 00:00:42,736
I DON'T WANT
SCOTTISH MONEY.
20
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:43,834
THEY'VE GOT
THE NUMBERS.
21
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:44,844
IT CAN BE TRACED.
22
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:45,902
ONE ENGLISH POUND.
23
00:00:45,945 --> 00:00:46,969
NOW, WHERE'S
THE BOMB?
24
00:00:48,014 --> 00:00:49,208
I CAN'T REMEMBER.
25
00:00:49,249 --> 00:00:50,375
YOU'VE FORGOTTEN?
26
00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:52,408
AYE, YOU'D BETTER HAVE
YOUR POUND BACK.
27
00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:53,441
OH... FINGERPRINTS.
28
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:54,544
NOW, WHERE'S
THE BOMB?
29
00:00:54,587 --> 00:00:55,781
WAIT A TICK,
WAIT A TICK.
30
00:00:55,822 --> 00:00:59,451
MY FIRST IS IN GLASGOW,
BUT NOT IN SPAIN.
31
00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:01,824
MY SECOND IS IN STEAMER,
BUT NOT IN TRAIN.
32
00:01:01,861 --> 00:01:04,694
MY WHOLE IS IN THE LUGGAGE
COMPARTMENT ON THE PLANE.
33
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:06,892
I'LL TELL YOU WHERE
THE BOMB IS FOR A POUND.
34
00:01:06,933 --> 00:01:08,457
IT'S IN THE LUGGAGE
COMPARTMENT.
35
00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:09,830
RIGHT, HERE'S YOUR POUND.
36
00:01:09,869 --> 00:01:11,734
IS THIS CHARACTER
GIVING YOU ANY TROUBLE?
37
00:01:11,771 --> 00:01:13,068
HE'S JUST RUINED
THIS SKETCH.
38
00:01:13,106 --> 00:01:14,232
YES, ABSOLUTELY.
39
00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:15,468
LET'S GO ON
TO THE NEXT ONE.
40
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:16,633
WAIT A TICK,
WAIT A TICK.
41
00:01:16,676 --> 00:01:17,973
I WON'T RUIN YOUR
SKETCH FOR A POUND.
42
00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:18,978
NO, NO.
43
00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:19,979
75p.
44
00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:20,877
NEXT ITEM.
45
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,678
WELL, I SEE MY ROLE IN IT AS...
46
00:01:23,716 --> 00:01:26,844
OH, HOW CAN I PUT IT...
THE NUDE MAN
47
00:01:26,886 --> 00:01:31,482
AS SORT OF SYMBOLIZING THE TWO
SEPARATE STRANDS OF EXISTENCE
48
00:01:31,524 --> 00:01:33,856
THE ESSENTIAL NUDITY OF MAN...
49
00:01:33,893 --> 00:01:35,554
OH, UM...
50
00:01:41,968 --> 00:01:44,334
IT'S A VERY
INTERESTING QUESTION.
51
00:01:44,370 --> 00:01:46,304
PERSONALLY,
I RATHER ADHERE
52
00:01:46,339 --> 00:01:48,807
TO THE BERGSONIAN IDEA
OF LAUGHTER
53
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:50,776
AS A SOCIAL SANCTION
54
00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:53,370
AGAINST INFLEXIBLE
BEHAVIOR, BUT...
55
00:01:53,413 --> 00:01:54,710
EXCUSE ME.
56
00:01:54,747 --> 00:01:56,112
AND NOW...
57
00:01:56,149 --> 00:01:57,343
IT'S...
58
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:06,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
59
00:02:06,392 --> 00:02:29,170
MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUSES.
60
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:46,291
WELL, WE'LL BE CONTINUING
61
00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:48,493
WITH MONTY PYTHON'S
FLYING CIRCUS
62
00:02:48,535 --> 00:02:50,264
IN JUST A MOMENT.
63
00:02:50,303 --> 00:02:52,999
YES, YES, WE'RE GOING BACK
TO THE SHOW
64
00:02:53,039 --> 00:02:55,269
IN JUST ONE MOMENT FROM...
65
00:02:58,144 --> 00:02:59,702
NOW.
66
00:02:59,746 --> 00:03:02,374
THIS NEW HOUSING
DEVELOPMENT IN BRISTOL IS
67
00:03:02,415 --> 00:03:04,576
ONE OF THE MOST INTERESTING
IN THE COUNTRY.
68
00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:06,743
IT'S USING A VARIETY
OF NEW TECHNIQUES...
69
00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:08,344
SHOCKPROOF CURTAIN WALLING
70
00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:11,289
A CENTRAL HIGH-VOLTAGE, SELF-
GENERATING ELECTRICITY SOURCE
71
00:03:11,324 --> 00:03:13,451
AND EXTRUDED ACRYLIC
FIBERGLASS FITMENTS.
72
00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:16,587
IT'S ALSO THE FIRST MAJOR
HOUSING PROJECT IN BRITAIN
73
00:03:16,629 --> 00:03:18,392
TO BE BUILT ENTIRELY
74
00:03:18,431 --> 00:03:21,366
BY CHARACTERS BY 19th-CENTURY
ENGLISH LITERATURE.
75
00:03:21,401 --> 00:03:24,598
HERE, LITTLE NELL FROM DICKENS'
OLD CURIOSITY SHOP
76
00:03:24,671 --> 00:03:28,163
FITS NEW NYLON SIPHONS
INTO THE ASBESTOS-LINED CEILING.
77
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,005
BUT IT'S THE ELECTRICAL SYSTEM
78
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:32,341
WHICH HAS ATTRACTED
THE MOST ATTENTION.
79
00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:35,575
ARTHUR HUNTINGTON, WHO HELEN
GRAHAM MARRIED AS A YOUNG GIRL
80
00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:37,105
AND WHOSE SHAMELESS CONDUCT
81
00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:39,846
EVENTUALLY DROVE HER BACK
TO HER BROTHER, LAWRENCE
82
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:42,354
IN ANNE BRONTE'S
THE TENANT OF WILDFELL HALL
83
00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:43,821
DESCRIBES WHY IT'S UNIQUE.
84
00:03:43,856 --> 00:03:46,381
BECAUSE, SIR,
IT IS SELF-GENERATING.
85
00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:49,486
BECAUSE WE HAVE HARNESSED HERE,
IN THIS BOX
86
00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:51,759
THE VERY FORCES OF LIFE ITSELF
87
00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:55,325
THE VERY FORCES THAT WILL
SEND HELEN RUNNING BACK
88
00:03:55,368 --> 00:03:57,336
TO BEG FORGIVENESS.
89
00:03:57,370 --> 00:04:00,737
THE ON-SITE BUILDING
TECHNIQUES INVOLVE THE CONSTRUCTION
90
00:04:00,773 --> 00:04:02,240
OF 12-FOOT WALLING BLOCKS
91
00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:04,869
BY A CROWD OF FARMHANDS
FROM TESS OF THE D'URBERVILLES
92
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:07,175
SUPERVISED BY THE GENIAL
LANDLADY, MRS. JUPP
93
00:04:07,213 --> 00:04:09,204
FROM SAMUEL BUTLER'S
WAY OF ALL FLESH.
94
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:13,185
IN CONTRAST TO THE SITE
IN BRISTOL IS PROGRESS HERE
95
00:04:13,219 --> 00:04:16,313
ON BRITAIN'S FIRST
18-LEVEL MOTORWAY INTERCHANGE
96
00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:19,883
BEING BUILT BY CHARACTERS
FROM MILTON'S PARADISE LOST.
97
00:04:22,061 --> 00:04:23,528
WHAT WENT WRONG HERE?
98
00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:25,758
WELL, NOBODY REALLY GOT ON.
99
00:04:25,798 --> 00:04:28,358
SATAN DIDN'T GET ON WITH EVE...
100
00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:31,268
UH... ARCHANGEL GABRIEL
DIDN'T GET ON WITH SATAN.
101
00:04:31,304 --> 00:04:33,169
NOBODY GOT ON WITH THE SERPENT.
102
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:35,106
SO NOW THEY HAVE
TO WORK A ROTA...
103
00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:37,200
FORCES OF GOOD
FROM 10:00 TILL 3:00
104
00:04:37,243 --> 00:04:39,143
FORCES OF EVIL, 3:00 TILL 6:00.
105
00:04:39,178 --> 00:04:42,670
BUT EVEN MORE MODERN
BUILDING TECHNIQUES ARE BEING USED
106
00:04:42,715 --> 00:04:45,343
ON AN EXPANDING NEW TOWN SITE
NEAR PETERBOROUGH.
107
00:04:45,385 --> 00:04:47,250
HERE, THE AMAZING MYSTICO
AND JANET
108
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:50,586
CAN PUT UP A BLOCK OF FLATS
BY HYPNOSIS IN UNDER A MINUTE.
109
00:04:57,430 --> 00:04:59,591
THE LOCAL COUNCIL HERE HAVE
110
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:02,863
OVER 50 HYPNOSIS-INDUCED
25-STORY BLOCKS
111
00:05:02,902 --> 00:05:05,393
PUT UP BY EL MYSTICO AND JANET.
112
00:05:05,438 --> 00:05:08,566
I ASKED MR. KEN VERYBIGLIAR
THE ADVANTAGES OF HYPNOSIS
113
00:05:08,608 --> 00:05:10,633
COMPARED TO
OTHER BUILDING METHODS.
114
00:05:10,677 --> 00:05:14,010
OH, THERE IS A CONSIDERABLE
FINANCIAL ADVANTAGE
115
00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:16,572
IN USING THE SERVICES
OF EL MYSTICO.
116
00:05:16,616 --> 00:05:19,380
A BLOCK, LIKE MYSTICO POINT HERE
117
00:05:19,419 --> 00:05:23,583
WOULD NORMALLY COST
IN THE REGION OF £1½ MILLION.
118
00:05:23,623 --> 00:05:25,648
BUT THIS WAS PUT UP
FOR FIVE POUNDS
119
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:27,455
AND 30 BOB FOR JANET.
120
00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:30,587
BUT THE OBVIOUS QUESTION IS,
ARE THEY SAFE?
121
00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:31,961
OF COURSE THEY'RE SAFE.
122
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:34,159
THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO DOUBT
ABOUT THAT.
123
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,191
THEY'RE AS STRONG,
SOLID AND AS SAFE
124
00:05:36,235 --> 00:05:38,726
AS ANY OTHER BUILDING METHOD
IN THIS COUNTRY
125
00:05:38,771 --> 00:05:41,069
PROVIDED, OF COURSE,
PEOPLE BELIEVE IN THEM.
126
00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:44,702
YES, WE RECEIVED A NOTE
FROM THE COUNCIL
127
00:05:44,744 --> 00:05:47,645
SAYING THAT IF WE CEASED
TO BELIEVE IN THIS BUILDING
128
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,011
IT WOULD FALL DOWN.
129
00:05:49,048 --> 00:05:50,413
YOU DON'T MIND LIVING
130
00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:52,645
IN A FIGMENT OF
ANOTHER MAN'S IMAGINATION?
131
00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:55,210
NO, IT'S MUCH BETTER
THAN WHERE WE USED TO LIVE.
132
00:05:55,254 --> 00:05:56,653
WHERE DID YOU
USED TO LIVE?
133
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:58,884
WE HAD AN 18-ROOM VILLA
OVERLOOKING NICE.
134
00:05:58,925 --> 00:06:00,586
REALLY? THAT SOUNDS MUCH BETTER.
135
00:06:00,626 --> 00:06:03,186
OH, YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
136
00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:08,459
OH, NO, NO, NO!
137
00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:09,627
OF COURSE NOT.
138
00:06:11,003 --> 00:06:15,099
PHEW! THAT WAS CLOSE.
139
00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:18,508
BUT THE CONSTRUCTION OF
THESE VAST NEW HOUSING DEVELOPMENTS
140
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:20,739
PROVIDING HOMES
FOR MANY THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE
141
00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:24,011
IS NOT THE ONLY PROJECT TO WHICH
HE HAS APPLIED HIS MANY TALENTS.
142
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,915
HE ALSO HAS
AN INFALLIBLE POOLS METHOD
143
00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:28,477
A SCHOOL OF SPANISH DANCING
AND A CAR HIRE SERVICE.
144
00:06:28,521 --> 00:06:30,079
WHAT'S THE DRIVING FORCE
145
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:33,251
BEHIND A MAN OF SUCH RESTLESS
ENERGIES AND BOUNDLESS VISION?
146
00:06:33,292 --> 00:06:35,487
HERE, AS WITH SO MANY
GREAT MEN OF HISTORY
147
00:06:35,528 --> 00:06:36,995
THE ANSWER LIES IN A WOMAN.
148
00:06:37,029 --> 00:06:39,020
AS ANTONY HAS HIS CLEOPATRA...
149
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,124
AS NAPOLEON HAS HIS JOSEPHINE...
150
00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:44,362
SO MYSTICO HAS HIS JANET.
151
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,929
YES, JANET, A QUIET, SHY GIRL
152
00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:49,339
AN HONORS GRADUATE
FROM HARVARD UNIVERSITY
153
00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:51,673
AMERICAN JUNIOR SPRINT
RECORD HOLDER
154
00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:54,908
EX-WORLD SKATING CHAMPION,
NOBEL PRIZE WINNER
155
00:06:54,947 --> 00:06:58,246
ARCHITECT, NOVELIST AND SURGEON.
156
00:06:58,284 --> 00:07:01,481
THE GIRL WHO HELPED CRACK
THE OPPENHEIMER SPY RING IN 1947
157
00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:03,079
SHE GAVE VITAL EVIDENCE
158
00:07:03,122 --> 00:07:05,488
TO THE SENATE
NARCOTICS COMMISSION IN 1958.
159
00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:09,427
SHE ALSO HELPED TO CONVICT THE
WOMAN AT THE CHEMIST'S IN 1961
160
00:07:09,462 --> 00:07:12,158
AND A YEAR LATER,
SHE GAVE POLICE INFORMATION
161
00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:14,530
WHICH LED TO THE ARREST
OF HER POSTMAN.
162
00:07:14,567 --> 00:07:16,296
IN OCTOBER OF THAT SAME YEAR
163
00:07:16,335 --> 00:07:19,270
SHE SECURED THE CONVICTION
OF HER GARDENER FOR BIGAMY
164
00:07:19,305 --> 00:07:20,738
AND THREE MONTHS LATER
165
00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:23,833
PERSONALLY LED THE POLICE SWOOP
ON THE COUPLE NEXT DOOR.
166
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:27,003
IN 1967, SHE BECAME SUSPICIOUS
OF THE MAN AT THE GARAGE
167
00:07:27,046 --> 00:07:28,843
AND IT WAS
HER DOGGED PERSEVERANCE
168
00:07:28,881 --> 00:07:30,439
AND RELENTLESS INQUIRIES
169
00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:33,577
THAT, TWO YEARS LATER,
FINALLY SECURED HIS CONVICTION
170
00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:36,144
FOR NOT HAVING A LICENSE
FOR HIS CAR RADIO.
171
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:38,953
HE WAS HANGED AT LEEDS
A YEAR LATER
172
00:07:38,991 --> 00:07:40,856
DESPITE THE ABOLITION
OF CAPITAL PUNISHMENT
173
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,291
AND THE PUBLIC OUTCRY.
174
00:07:42,328 --> 00:07:45,627
ALSO IN LEEDS THAT YEAR,
A LOCAL BUTCHER WAS HANGED
175
00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:48,031
FOR DEFAULTING
ON MORTGAGE REPAYMENTS
176
00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:49,659
AND A MR. JARVIS
WAS ELECTROCUTED
177
00:07:49,702 --> 00:07:51,260
FOR SHOUTING IN THE CORRIDOR.
178
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:54,137
WE ADMIT THERE HAVE BEEN
OUTBREAKS OF HANGING RECENTLY
179
00:07:54,173 --> 00:07:55,504
BUT THE POLICE ARE TRYING
180
00:07:55,541 --> 00:07:57,406
TO KEEP THE SITUATION
UNDER CONTROL.
181
00:07:57,443 --> 00:08:00,412
YOU MUST REMEMBER THE COURTS ARE
VERY BUSY AT THE MOMENT
182
00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:03,244
AND THE ODD DEATH SENTENCE
IS BOUND TO SLIP THROUGH.
183
00:08:05,451 --> 00:08:07,715
ELECTROCUTIONS ARE
ANOTHER BIG WORRY
184
00:08:07,753 --> 00:08:10,847
BUT WE HOPE THAT GUILLOTINING
HAS BEEN ERADICATED
185
00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:12,448
FROM THE URBAN AREAS
186
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:15,757
AND GARROTING IS CONFINED
ALMOST ENTIRELY TO LUTON.
187
00:08:15,795 --> 00:08:17,888
SO IF YOU HAVE A FRIEND
IN PRISON
188
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:19,760
OR UNDER SENTENCE OF DEATH
189
00:08:19,799 --> 00:08:22,427
BE SURE TO LET US KNOW
AT THIS ADDRESS.
190
00:08:27,773 --> 00:08:29,900
...and Premier Chou En-lai
191
00:08:29,942 --> 00:08:31,807
who called it
"a major breakthrough."
192
00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:33,573
Twelve men were
accidentally hanged
193
00:08:33,613 --> 00:08:35,274
at Whitby Assizes this afternoon
194
00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:36,906
whilst considering
their verdict.
195
00:08:36,983 --> 00:08:39,417
This is one of the worst
miscarriages of justice
196
00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:40,783
in Britain since Tuesday.
197
00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:46,424
Well, it's 13 minutes
to the hour of nine, nine, nine
198
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:48,120
here on wonderful
Radio One-One-One
199
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:50,355
so if you're still lying
in your big, big bed
200
00:08:50,396 --> 00:08:52,057
now's the time to get up
out of it.
201
00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:54,191
We've got another 13 hours
of tiptop sounds
202
00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:55,632
here on Wonderful Radio One.
203
00:08:57,637 --> 00:08:58,604
Oh, sorry about that.
204
00:08:58,638 --> 00:08:59,935
So unless you have brain cells
205
00:08:59,972 --> 00:09:01,803
or have completed the process
of evolution
206
00:09:01,841 --> 00:09:02,808
there's a wonderful day ah...
207
00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:06,371
MUST BE
ON RADIO FOUR.
208
00:09:06,412 --> 00:09:08,403
RADIO TWO...
209
00:09:08,447 --> 00:09:10,813
RADIO THREE...
210
00:09:10,850 --> 00:09:12,249
RADIO FOUR.
211
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,879
It's 9:00 and
time for Mortuary Hour...
212
00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:17,549
an hour of talks, tunes
and downright tomfoolery
213
00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:19,558
for all those who work
in mortuaries
214
00:09:19,592 --> 00:09:21,651
introduced as usual
by Shirley Bassey.
215
00:09:25,197 --> 00:09:28,189
Well, we're going to
kick straight off this week
216
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:31,670
with our Mortuary Quiz, so have
your pens and pencils ready.
217
00:09:31,704 --> 00:09:34,172
TURN THAT RADIO OFF
AND LOOK LIVELY.
218
00:09:34,206 --> 00:09:36,197
IT'S MORTUARY HOUR,
MR. WANG.
219
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:37,800
DON'T ARGUE,
BATTERSBY.
220
00:09:37,843 --> 00:09:41,335
THIS IS OUR MORTUARY
IN HERE, YOUR GRACE.
221
00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:42,677
I SAY, I SAY, I, UH...
222
00:09:42,715 --> 00:09:45,183
I, UH...
223
00:09:45,217 --> 00:09:48,482
I, UH... I, UH...
224
00:09:52,058 --> 00:09:57,519
I, I, I, UH... I, UH...
225
00:09:57,563 --> 00:09:59,861
I, UH...
226
00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:02,367
I... I... I...
227
00:10:02,401 --> 00:10:04,335
I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING
TO SAY ABOUT IT.
228
00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:06,167
WELL, WE'RE VERY PROUD
OF IT HERE, SIR.
229
00:10:06,205 --> 00:10:08,332
IT'S ONE OF THE MOST
UP-TO-DATE IN THE COUNTRY.
230
00:10:08,374 --> 00:10:10,365
I SEE, YES, YES, YES.
231
00:10:10,409 --> 00:10:14,709
NOW, UM... WHAT ARE...
232
00:10:14,747 --> 00:10:16,374
OH, UH...
233
00:10:16,415 --> 00:10:19,873
WHAT ARE... UH...
234
00:10:21,921 --> 00:10:24,583
WHAT ARE... WHAT...
235
00:10:26,425 --> 00:10:27,915
WHAT ARE... WHAT IS IT?
236
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,393
IS IT A POWER STATION?
237
00:10:30,830 --> 00:10:32,388
NO, YOUR GRACE, IT'S A MORTUARY.
238
00:10:32,431 --> 00:10:34,296
I SEE, I SEE,
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
239
00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:35,664
WELL, IT HAS
240
00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:37,896
ONE OF THE MOST ADVANCED
THERMOSTAT CONTROL SYSTEMS
241
00:10:37,937 --> 00:10:39,302
IN THE COUNTRY
242
00:10:39,338 --> 00:10:41,272
AND IT HAS COMPUTER CONTROL
STORAGE FACILITIES.
243
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:43,571
I SEE, I SEE.
244
00:10:43,609 --> 00:10:45,406
I, UM...
245
00:10:45,444 --> 00:10:47,912
I, UH...
246
00:10:47,947 --> 00:10:52,043
OH, I...
247
00:10:52,118 --> 00:10:53,779
I, UH...
248
00:10:56,622 --> 00:10:59,614
I, UH... I...
249
00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:02,260
I'M A GOOD
LITTLE DOGGIE.
250
00:11:03,462 --> 00:11:04,486
I'M SORRY, YOUR GRACE?
251
00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:05,588
I'M A GOOD LITTLE DOG.
252
00:11:05,631 --> 00:11:07,258
OH, DEAR.
253
00:11:07,299 --> 00:11:08,891
PERHAPS WE SHOULD
POSTPONE THE VISIT.
254
00:11:08,934 --> 00:11:10,060
OH, NO, NO, NO.
255
00:11:10,136 --> 00:11:13,799
YOU SEE, IT'S JUST THAT
HIS BRAIN IS SO TINY
256
00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:17,070
THE SLIGHTEST MOVEMENT
CAN DISLODGE IT.
257
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:18,610
YOUR GRACE?
258
00:11:18,644 --> 00:11:19,611
YOUR GRACE?
259
00:11:19,645 --> 00:11:20,612
OH, DEAR,
IT'S RATHER
260
00:11:20,646 --> 00:11:22,079
LIKE ONE OF THOSE
GAMES YOU PLAY
261
00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:24,048
WHERE YOU HAVE TO GET THE
BALL INTO THE HOLE...
262
00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:25,380
AH!
263
00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:29,286
EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT,
EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT.
264
00:11:29,321 --> 00:11:33,781
NOW THEN, UH... UH...
265
00:11:33,826 --> 00:11:37,387
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE STEEL
IS POURED INTO THE INGOTS?
266
00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:40,627
PERHAPS WE SHOULD GO AND HAVE
A LOOK AT THE NEW SHOWERS.
267
00:11:40,666 --> 00:11:41,963
YES, YES, YES, RATHER.
268
00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:43,332
YES, YES, YES, JOLLY GOOD.
269
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:44,563
JOLLY GOOD, JOLLY GOOD.
270
00:11:44,603 --> 00:11:47,629
JOLLY GOOD, NO FEAR.
271
00:11:49,241 --> 00:11:52,301
Well, the answers
were as follows:
272
00:11:52,344 --> 00:11:54,312
Number one, the left hand;
273
00:11:54,346 --> 00:11:57,645
two, no; three, normal;
four, yes, it has, in 1963
274
00:11:57,683 --> 00:12:00,345
when a bird got caught
in the mechanism.
275
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:01,978
TURN THAT THING OFF.
276
00:12:02,021 --> 00:12:04,489
IT'S "MORTUARY DANCE
TIME," MR. WANG.
277
00:12:04,523 --> 00:12:05,922
NEVER MIND THAT, BATTERSBY.
278
00:12:05,958 --> 00:12:07,482
THIS IS THE BIG ONE.
279
00:12:07,526 --> 00:12:10,427
I'VE JUST HAD WHITBY POLICE
ON THE PHONE WITH 12 HANGEES.
280
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:11,987
OH, YEAH, WE JUST HEARD
ABOUT THAT ON THE RADIOS.
281
00:12:12,031 --> 00:12:14,431
NO, THESE ARE 12 DIFFERENT ONES,
SO SHTOOM.
282
00:12:16,368 --> 00:12:19,667
I'LL NOT INTERRUPT
THIS SKETCH FOR A POUND.
283
00:12:19,705 --> 00:12:20,694
WHAT?
284
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,037
FOR ONE POUND
285
00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:24,133
I'LL LEAVE THE SKETCH
TOTALLY UNINTERRUPTED.
286
00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:25,142
50p?
287
00:12:25,211 --> 00:12:28,578
I'M PREPARED TO NEGOTIATE
A 40p DEAL.
288
00:12:28,614 --> 00:12:31,583
FOR 35p, I WON'T INTERRUPT
ANY OF THE NEXT THREE ITEMS.
289
00:12:31,617 --> 00:12:32,584
NO, IT'S NO GOOD.
290
00:12:32,618 --> 00:12:33,585
25p?
291
00:12:33,619 --> 00:12:34,677
NO.
292
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:35,846
10p AND A KISS.
293
00:12:35,888 --> 00:12:37,480
YOU SEE, IT'S VERY SIMPLE...
294
00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:39,013
I JUST TAKE THESE CUTOUT FIGURES
295
00:12:39,058 --> 00:12:40,457
AND BY PUTTING THEM TOGETHER...
296
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:41,460
WHAT?
297
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:42,518
OH, YOU MEAN WE'RE ON.
298
00:12:42,561 --> 00:12:43,858
SORRY.
299
00:12:45,998 --> 00:12:48,558
HMM?
300
00:12:56,408 --> 00:12:57,670
WAIT, NIGEL.
301
00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:00,076
I'VE GOT THIS STRANGE FEELING
WE'RE BEING WATCHED.
302
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:01,909
OH, MY GOD,
ROSE, IT'S THE POLICE.
303
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:02,936
RUN FOR IT!
304
00:13:11,924 --> 00:13:14,085
OH, LUNCH BREAK.
305
00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:37,644
GOTT IN HIMMEL!
306
00:13:37,683 --> 00:13:38,945
IT'S COMING!
307
00:13:44,924 --> 00:13:47,518
MEANWHILE, 55 YEARS LATER
BACK IN LONDON...
308
00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:54,664
HELLO, GOOD AFTERNOON
309
00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:58,067
AND WELCOME TO THE SECOND LEG
OF THE OLYMPIC FINAL
310
00:13:58,103 --> 00:13:59,866
OF THE MEN'S HIDE-AND-SEEK
311
00:13:59,905 --> 00:14:02,430
HERE IN THE HEART
OF BRITAIN'S LONDON.
312
00:14:02,474 --> 00:14:05,500
WE'LL BE STARTING IN JUST
A COUPLE OF MOMENTS FROM NOW
313
00:14:05,544 --> 00:14:07,944
AND THERE YOU CAN SEE
THE TWO COMPETITORS...
314
00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:09,675
FRANCISCO HURON,
THE PARAGUAYAN
315
00:14:09,715 --> 00:14:11,512
WHO, IN THIS LEG, IS THE SEEKER
316
00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:13,780
AND THERE'S THE MAN
HE'LL BE LOOKING FOR
317
00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:16,947
OUR OWN DON ROBERTS
FROM HINCKLEY IN LEICESTERSHIRE
318
00:14:16,989 --> 00:14:18,854
WHO, HIS TRAINER TELLS ME
319
00:14:18,891 --> 00:14:21,621
IS AT THE HEIGHT
OF HIS SELF-SECRETING FORM.
320
00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:25,221
NOW, IN THE FIRST LEG,
WHICH ENDED ON WEDNESDAY
321
00:14:25,264 --> 00:14:28,233
DON SUCCEEDED IN FINDING
THE PARAGUAYAN
322
00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:30,462
IN THE NEW WORLD RECORD TIME
323
00:14:30,502 --> 00:14:33,437
OF 11 YEARS, TWO MONTHS, 26 DAYS
324
00:14:33,472 --> 00:14:36,964
NINE HOURS, THREE MINUTES,
27.4 SECONDS
325
00:14:37,009 --> 00:14:39,273
IN A SWEET SHOP IN KILMARNOCK.
326
00:14:39,311 --> 00:14:42,246
AND NOW THEY'RE
UNDER STARTER'S ORDERS.
327
00:14:42,281 --> 00:14:44,044
ON YOUR MARKS...
328
00:14:44,083 --> 00:14:45,710
GET SET...
329
00:14:46,852 --> 00:14:49,286
UNO, DOS, TRES,
CUATRO, QUINCE
330
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:51,913
SEIS, SIETE, OCHO,
NUEVE, DIEZ...
331
00:14:51,957 --> 00:14:56,053
ONCE, DOCE, TRECE,
CATORCE, QUINCE
332
00:14:56,095 --> 00:14:58,893
DIEZ Y SEIS, DIEZ
Y SIETE, DIEZ...
333
00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:16,607
VEINTIDOS, VEINTITRES,
VEINTICUATRO, VEINTICINCO...
334
00:15:32,164 --> 00:15:34,189
...TREINTA Y SEIS,
TREINTA Y SIETE, TREINTA Y OCHO
335
00:15:34,233 --> 00:15:35,598
TREINTA Y NUEVE...
336
00:15:35,634 --> 00:15:38,034
WELL, DON'S OFF TO
A REALLY GREAT START THERE.
337
00:15:38,070 --> 00:15:40,004
REMEMBER, THE PARAGUAYAN HAS GOT
338
00:15:40,039 --> 00:15:42,803
11 YEARS, TWO MONTHS,
26 DAYS, NINE HOURS
339
00:15:42,841 --> 00:15:46,538
THREE MINUTES,
27.4 SECONDS TO BEAT.
340
00:15:46,578 --> 00:15:49,911
...Y OCHO, NOVECIENTOS
NOVENTA Y NUEVE...
341
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,246
MIL.
342
00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:53,547
COMING!
343
00:17:16,668 --> 00:17:18,431
WELL, WE'LL BE TAKING
YOU BACK THERE
344
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:20,562
AS SOON AS THERE ARE
ANY DEVELOPMENTS.
345
00:17:22,508 --> 00:17:24,738
WE'VE JUST HEARD
THAT SOMETHING IS HAPPENING
346
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:28,736
IN THE HIDE-AND-SEEK FINAL,
SO LET'S GO STRAIGHT OVER THERE.
347
00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:32,876
HELLO AGAIN,
AND WELCOME TO MADAGASCAR
348
00:17:32,918 --> 00:17:35,785
WHERE FRANCISCO HURON
IS SEEKING DON ROBERTS.
349
00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:37,186
AND I'VE JUST BEEN TOLD
350
00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:40,953
THAT HE'S BEEN UNOFFICIALLY
DESCRIBED AS "COLD."
351
00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:47,292
AH, WAIT A MINUTE.
352
00:17:50,869 --> 00:17:52,336
I'VE JUST BEEN TOLD
353
00:17:52,371 --> 00:17:55,101
THAT HURON HAS REQUESTED
A PLANE TICKET TO BUDAPEST
354
00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:56,903
SO HE'S DEFINITELY
GETTING WARMER.
355
00:17:56,942 --> 00:17:59,604
SO WE'LL BE BACK AGAIN
IN JUST A FEW YEARS.
356
00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:02,239
REALLY BEGINNING TO HOT UP NOW.
357
00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:06,112
WELL, HERE WE ARE
358
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:08,346
ON THE VERY LAST DAY
OF THIS FANTASTIC FINAL.
359
00:18:08,387 --> 00:18:10,184
HURON NOW HAS LESS
THAN 12 HOURS LEFT
360
00:18:10,222 --> 00:18:11,814
TO FIND BRITISH ACE DON ROBERTS.
361
00:18:11,857 --> 00:18:14,985
EARLY THIS MORNING, HE FINISHED
COMBING THE OUTSKIRTS OF LISBON
362
00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:17,086
AND NOW HE SEEMS
TO HAVE STAKED EVERYTHING
363
00:18:17,129 --> 00:18:20,860
ON ONE FINAL DESPERATE SEEK
HERE IN THE TAGUS VALLEY.
364
00:18:20,899 --> 00:18:22,890
BUT ROBERTS IS
OVER 1,500 MILES AWAY
365
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:25,995
AND IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK
ALL OVER, BAR THE SHOUTING.
366
00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:29,007
THE SANDS OF TIME ARE RUNNING
OUT FOR THIS DELVING DAGO
367
00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:32,374
THIS SENOR OF SEEK,
THIS PERSPICACIOUS PARAGUAYAN.
368
00:18:32,411 --> 00:18:34,038
HE'S STILL DESPERATELY COLD
369
00:18:34,079 --> 00:18:37,606
AND IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK
LIKE ANOTHER GOLD FOR BRITAIN.
370
00:19:38,277 --> 00:19:39,710
PREGO! PREGO,
SIGNORE!
371
00:19:39,745 --> 00:19:40,973
THERE HE IS!
372
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,241
ALL RIGHT.
373
00:19:44,249 --> 00:19:47,810
THE OFFICIAL RESULT OF
THE WORLD HIDE-AND-SEEK.
374
00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:53,021
MR. DON ROBERTS, FROM
HINCKLEY, LEICESTERSHIRE:
375
00:19:53,058 --> 00:19:59,896
11 YEARS, TWO MONTHS,
26 DAYS, NINE HOURS
376
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:04,596
THREE MINUTES,
27 SECONDS.
377
00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:08,139
MR. FRANCISCO HURON,
PARAGUAY:
378
00:20:08,173 --> 00:20:14,476
11 YEARS, TWO MONTHS,
26 DAYS, NINE HOURS
379
00:20:14,513 --> 00:20:17,846
THREE MINUTES,
27 SECONDS.
380
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:20,511
THE RESULT... A TIE.
381
00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:23,043
A TIE... WHAT A FANTASTIC RESULT!
382
00:20:23,088 --> 00:20:27,354
WELL, THE REPLAY WILL START
TOMORROW AT 7:30 A.M.
383
00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:36,534
WELL, HELLO AGAIN.
384
00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:37,626
NICE TO BE BACK.
385
00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:39,431
GLAD TO SEE THE SHOW'S
BEEN GOING WELL.
386
00:20:39,471 --> 00:20:41,837
WELL, NOW,
SORRY ABOUT MON-TRERX.
387
00:20:41,873 --> 00:20:44,842
THAT WAS A LITTLE ITEM
ENTITLED "HIDE-AND-SEEK."
388
00:20:44,876 --> 00:20:47,640
VERY ANARCHIC, VERY EFFECTIVE,
NOT QUITE MY CUP OF TEA
389
00:20:47,713 --> 00:20:49,806
BUT VERY NICE
FOR THE YOUNGER PEOPLE.
390
00:20:49,848 --> 00:20:52,976
WELL, THE NEXT ITEM THE BOYS
HAVE PUT TOGETHER TAKES PLACE
391
00:20:53,018 --> 00:20:54,508
IN A SITTING ROOM.
392
00:20:54,553 --> 00:20:58,045
SORRY IT'S JUST A SITTING ROOM,
BUT THE BANK ACCOUNT'S A BIT LOW
393
00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:02,220
AFTER THE APPALLINGLY EXPENSIVE
PRODUCTION OF CLOCHMERLE.
394
00:21:04,162 --> 00:21:06,062
THIS IS A TOTALLY
FREE INTERRUPTION
395
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:08,658
AND NO MONEY HAS
CHANGED HANDS WHATEVER.
396
00:21:31,390 --> 00:21:33,153
SORRY ABOUT THAT, DARLING.
397
00:21:34,192 --> 00:21:35,159
GRAVY?
398
00:21:35,193 --> 00:21:37,252
YES, PLEASE, DEAR.
399
00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:39,286
OH, DEAR, THAT'LL BE
400
00:21:39,331 --> 00:21:42,061
THE CHEAP-LAUGHS
FROM NEXT DOOR.
401
00:21:49,508 --> 00:21:50,497
COME IN.
402
00:21:50,542 --> 00:21:52,305
NO! JUST
BREATHING HEAVILY!
403
00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:56,709
OH, WE JUST DROPPED IN.
404
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:03,010
WOULD YOU LIKE
TO COME THROUGH?
405
00:22:03,055 --> 00:22:04,386
OH, YES.
406
00:22:14,266 --> 00:22:16,427
WELL, GOOD NIGHT
AND GIVE US A KISS.
407
00:22:18,970 --> 00:22:21,063
OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH
FOR A VERY NICE EVENING.
408
00:22:21,106 --> 00:22:22,095
AFTER YOU, DEAR.
409
00:22:22,140 --> 00:22:23,107
RIGHT-O!
410
00:22:23,141 --> 00:22:24,108
WHOA!
411
00:22:24,142 --> 00:22:25,404
WHOA!
412
00:22:42,527 --> 00:22:45,621
OH, HONESTLY, DEAR, WHY DO WE
ALWAYS HAVE TO BUY EVERYTHING
413
00:22:45,664 --> 00:22:47,723
JUST BECAUSE
THE CHEAP-LAUGHS HAVE ONE?
414
00:22:50,302 --> 00:22:53,430
THIS IS NOT
AN INTERRUPTION AT ALL.
415
00:22:53,472 --> 00:22:56,270
IT'S JUST NEIGHBORLINESS,
DEAR, THAT'S ALL.
416
00:22:56,308 --> 00:23:01,473
WELL, I THINK WE SHOULD TRY AND
LEAD OUR OWN LIVES FROM NOW ON.
417
00:23:01,513 --> 00:23:02,980
OOH!
418
00:23:03,014 --> 00:23:06,973
CAN'T YOU BE SERIOUS
FOR JUST ONE MOMENT?
419
00:23:15,894 --> 00:23:18,226
DARLING, I'M SORRY
I WAS CROSS EARLIER.
420
00:23:18,263 --> 00:23:19,924
OH, THAT'S
ALL RIGHT, DEAR.
421
00:23:19,965 --> 00:23:21,398
IT'S JUST THAT
I GET SO SICK
422
00:23:21,433 --> 00:23:23,799
OF ALWAYS HAVING TO BE
LIKE THE CHEAP-LAUGHS.
423
00:23:23,869 --> 00:23:26,269
YES, WELL, FROM NOW ON
WE'LL BE LIKE OURSELVES.
424
00:23:26,304 --> 00:23:27,532
OH, ROGER!
425
00:23:27,572 --> 00:23:29,335
OH, BEATRICE!
426
00:23:32,911 --> 00:23:36,176
MANY PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY ARE
BECOMING INCREASINGLY WORRIED
427
00:23:36,214 --> 00:23:37,613
ABOUT BULLFIGHTING.
428
00:23:37,649 --> 00:23:40,083
THEY SAY IT'S NOT ONLY CRUEL,
VICIOUS AND IMMORAL
429
00:23:40,118 --> 00:23:41,608
BUT ALSO BLATANTLY UNFAIR.
430
00:23:41,653 --> 00:23:44,645
THE BULL IS HEAVY, VIOLENT,
ABUSIVE AND AGGRESSIVE
431
00:23:44,689 --> 00:23:46,623
WITH FOUR LEGS
AND GREAT SHARP TEETH
432
00:23:46,658 --> 00:23:50,185
WHEREAS THE BULLFIGHTER IS
ONLY A SMALL, GREASY SPANIARD.
433
00:23:50,228 --> 00:23:52,321
GIVEN THIS BASIC INEQUALITY
434
00:23:52,364 --> 00:23:54,764
WHAT CAN BE DONE TO MAKE
BULLFIGHTING SAFER?
435
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,098
WE ASKED BRIGADIER
ARTHUR FARQUAR-SMITH
436
00:23:57,135 --> 00:23:59,797
CHAIRMAN OF THE BRITISH
WELL-BASICALLY CLUB.
437
00:23:59,838 --> 00:24:01,567
WELL, BASICALLY,
IT'S QUITE APPARENT
438
00:24:01,606 --> 00:24:04,404
THAT THESE MINUSCULE DAGO
CHAPPIES HAVE GOT IT ALL WRONG.
439
00:24:04,443 --> 00:24:05,740
THEY PRANCE ROUND THE BULL
440
00:24:05,777 --> 00:24:07,642
LIKE A LOT OF
BALLY NIGHTCLUB DANCERS
441
00:24:07,679 --> 00:24:09,544
LOOKING LIKE
THE YOUNGER GENERATION
442
00:24:09,581 --> 00:24:12,846
OR A LESS SMOOTH
VERSION OF THE LIONEL BLAIR TROUPE
443
00:24:12,918 --> 00:24:14,510
WITH MUCH OF
THE STACCATO RHYTHMS
444
00:24:14,553 --> 00:24:17,488
OF THE IRVING DAVIES DANCERS
AT THE HEIGHT OF THEIR SUCCESS.
445
00:24:17,522 --> 00:24:18,750
IN RECENT YEARS
446
00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:21,350
PAN'S PEOPLE HAVE OFTEN
RECAPTURED A LYRICISM...
447
00:24:21,393 --> 00:24:23,054
AND WHAT WE MUST DO NOW
448
00:24:23,094 --> 00:24:24,857
IS TO USE DEVICES LIKE RADAR
TO LOCATE THE BULL
449
00:24:24,896 --> 00:24:27,023
AND SAM MISSILES FIRED
FROM UNDERGROUND SILOS
450
00:24:27,065 --> 00:24:28,430
TO KNOCK THE BULL OVER.
451
00:24:28,467 --> 00:24:30,492
THEN I WOULD SEND IN
SCOTTISH BOYS WITH AIR COVER
452
00:24:30,535 --> 00:24:32,093
TO PROVIDE A DIVERSION
FOR THE BULL
453
00:24:32,137 --> 00:24:34,765
WHILST THE NAVY CAME IN ROUND
THE BACK AND FINISHED HIM OFF.
454
00:24:34,806 --> 00:24:36,330
THAT TO ME WOULD BE
BULLFIGHTING
455
00:24:36,374 --> 00:24:39,070
AND NOT THIS PANSY KIND OF
LYRICAL, EVOCATIVE MOVEMENT
456
00:24:39,110 --> 00:24:42,307
WHICH GEORGE BALANCHINE
AND MARTHA GRAHAM IN THE STATES
457
00:24:42,347 --> 00:24:44,212
AND OUR VERY OWN
SADLER'S WELLS...
458
00:24:44,249 --> 00:24:46,581
TROOPS COULD
BE USED IN AN AUXILIARY ROLE
459
00:24:46,618 --> 00:24:47,812
IN INTERNATIONAL CHESS, WHERE...
460
00:24:47,853 --> 00:24:49,320
WHAT?
461
00:24:49,354 --> 00:24:51,447
I'LL PUT THE LIGHTS
ON AGAIN FOR A POUND.
462
00:24:52,591 --> 00:24:54,218
I'M SORRY ABOUT
THIS INTERRUPTION
463
00:24:54,259 --> 00:24:55,851
BUT WE'LL SOON PUT THINGS RIGHT
464
00:24:55,894 --> 00:24:59,990
WITH JUST A SIMPLE
LITTLE PUSH OF A BUTTON.
465
00:25:00,031 --> 00:25:00,998
OH, OW!
466
00:25:01,032 --> 00:25:02,329
HELP! OH, NO!
467
00:25:02,367 --> 00:25:03,334
OH! OH, DEAR!
468
00:25:03,368 --> 00:25:04,335
THAT'S OKAY...
469
00:25:04,369 --> 00:25:05,461
NO, NO, PLEASE.
470
00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:07,062
OH, OH-OH! WOW!
471
00:25:07,105 --> 00:25:08,402
OH! NO, NO, NO!
472
00:25:09,441 --> 00:25:10,430
OH, OH, DEAR!
473
00:25:10,475 --> 00:25:12,705
OW! OH!
474
00:25:20,318 --> 00:25:23,048
"EXTRA" HOLTMEHR SCHMUTZ
AUS IHRER WAESCHE.
475
00:25:23,088 --> 00:25:24,612
SEHEN SIE SELBST.
476
00:25:53,018 --> 00:25:54,144
WHAT?
477
00:25:55,387 --> 00:25:57,252
I'M VERY SORRY, BUT I DON'T KNOW
478
00:25:57,289 --> 00:25:59,587
WHY I'VE BEEN INCLUDED
IN ZIS CARTOON.
479
00:25:59,624 --> 00:26:00,852
THAT'S A BLOODY LIE!
480
00:26:00,892 --> 00:26:02,917
IT'S QUITE OBVIOUS
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
481
00:26:02,961 --> 00:26:05,794
THIS WHOLE THING IS LOADED
WITH POLITICAL SIGNIFICANCE.
482
00:26:06,865 --> 00:26:07,729
I WAS RIGHT.
483
00:26:09,167 --> 00:26:11,863
THIS IS THE PLANET ALGON
484
00:26:11,903 --> 00:26:15,134
FIFTH WORLD
IN THE SYSTEM OF ALDEBARAN
485
00:26:15,173 --> 00:26:18,802
THE RED GIANT IN THE
CONSTELLATION OF SAGITTARIUS.
486
00:26:18,843 --> 00:26:23,974
HERE AN ORDINARY CUP OF DRINKING
CHOCOLATE COSTS £4 MILLION.
487
00:26:24,049 --> 00:26:26,574
AN IMMERSION HEATER
FOR THE HOT-WATER TANK COSTS
488
00:26:26,618 --> 00:26:28,210
OVER £6 BILLION
489
00:26:28,253 --> 00:26:31,120
AND A PAIR
OF SPLIT-CROTCH PANTIES
490
00:26:31,156 --> 00:26:33,454
WOULD BE ALMOST UNOBTAINABLE.
491
00:26:33,491 --> 00:26:36,892
A SIMPLE REAR-WINDOW
DEMISTING DEVICE FOR AN 1100
492
00:26:36,928 --> 00:26:40,227
COSTS £8,000 MILLION BILLION
493
00:26:40,265 --> 00:26:42,392
AND A NEW ELEMENT FOR
AN ELECTRIC KETTLE LIKE THIS
494
00:26:42,434 --> 00:26:45,301
WOULD COST AS MUCH AS THE
ENTIRE GROSS NATIONAL PRODUCT
495
00:26:45,337 --> 00:26:49,774
OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
FROM 1770 TO THE YEAR 2000
496
00:26:49,808 --> 00:26:52,106
AND EVEN THEN, THEY
WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO AFFORD
497
00:26:52,143 --> 00:26:55,510
THE SMALL FIXING RING
WHICH ATTACHES IT TO THE KETTLE.
498
00:26:57,215 --> 00:26:59,012
WELL, OUR COMPUTERS
HAVE BEEN WORKING ALL DAY
499
00:26:59,117 --> 00:27:01,677
TO TRY AND ANALYZE THE DRAMATIC
INFORMATION THAT'S COMING IN
500
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:03,847
FROM THIS FIRST EVER
INTERGALACTIC PROBE, ALGON I.
501
00:27:03,888 --> 00:27:07,016
AND WE'RE JUST GETTING
AN INTERESTING DEVELOPMENT NOW
502
00:27:07,058 --> 00:27:09,720
WHICH IS THAT ATTACHMENTS
FOR ROTARY MOWERS...
503
00:27:09,761 --> 00:27:12,855
THAT IS, MOWERS THAT HAVE
A CENTRAL CIRCULAR BLADE...
504
00:27:12,897 --> 00:27:14,922
ARE RELATIVELY INEXPENSIVE!
505
00:27:14,966 --> 00:27:17,867
STILL IN THE REGION OF
NINE TO TEN MILLION POUNDS
506
00:27:17,902 --> 00:27:19,563
BUT IT DOES SEEM TO INDICATE
507
00:27:19,604 --> 00:27:21,834
THAT ALGON MIGHT BE
A VERY GOOD PLANET
508
00:27:21,873 --> 00:27:23,636
FOR THOSE WITH LARGER GARDENS
509
00:27:23,675 --> 00:27:26,337
OR PERHAPS EVEN AN ORCHARD
THAT'S BEEN LEFT FOR TWO YEARS
510
00:27:26,378 --> 00:27:28,141
NEEDS SOME HEAVY WORK,
SOME WEEDING.
511
00:27:28,179 --> 00:27:31,410
BUT WE'RE NOW GETTING SOME LIVE
PICTURES THROUGH FROM ALGON!
512
00:27:31,449 --> 00:27:33,940
HARRY, PERHAPS YOU COULD
TALK US THROUGH THEM.
513
00:27:33,985 --> 00:27:36,283
VERY LITTLE EVIDENCE
OF SHOPPING FACILITIES HERE.
514
00:27:36,321 --> 00:27:38,255
THERE DON'T SEEM TO BE
ANY LARGE SUPERMARKETS.
515
00:27:38,289 --> 00:27:40,257
THERE MAY BE SOME
ON-THE-CORNER GROCERY STORES
516
00:27:40,291 --> 00:27:41,485
BEHIND THOSE ROCKS
517
00:27:41,526 --> 00:27:43,050
BUT IT'S DIFFICULT
TO TELL FROM THIS ANGLE.
518
00:27:43,161 --> 00:27:44,526
IT DOES SEEM TO SUGGEST
519
00:27:44,562 --> 00:27:47,429
THAT MOST OF THE SHOPPING HERE
IS BY DIRECT MAIL.
520
00:27:47,465 --> 00:27:48,830
WELL, OF COURSE
521
00:27:48,867 --> 00:27:50,596
THE BIG QUESTION
THAT EVERYONE'S ASKING HERE
522
00:27:50,635 --> 00:27:53,195
IS WHAT ABOUT THOSE
SPLIT-CROTCH PANTIES?
523
00:27:53,238 --> 00:27:54,830
ARE THEY GOING
TO BE UNOBTAINABLE
524
00:27:54,873 --> 00:27:57,398
THROUGHOUT THE UNIVERSE,
OR MERELY ON ALGON ITSELF?
525
00:27:57,442 --> 00:27:58,534
PROFESSOR?
526
00:27:58,576 --> 00:28:00,703
WE MUST REMEMBER
527
00:28:00,745 --> 00:28:02,713
THAT ALGON IS
OVER 75,000 MILES WIDE.
528
00:28:02,747 --> 00:28:04,772
THE PROBE'S COME DOWN
IN THIS AREA HERE
529
00:28:04,816 --> 00:28:06,647
AND WE'RE REALLY
ONLY GETTING SIGNALS
530
00:28:06,685 --> 00:28:09,176
FROM A RADIUS OF 30
OR 40 MILES AROUND THE PROBE.
531
00:28:09,220 --> 00:28:12,348
SPLIT-CROTCH PANTIES,
OR INDEED ANY ITEMS
532
00:28:12,390 --> 00:28:17,384
OF WHAT WE SCIENTISTS CALL "SEXY
UNDERWEAR" OR "EROTIC LINGERIE"
533
00:28:17,429 --> 00:28:20,398
MAY BE MUCH MORE PLENTIFUL
ON OTHER PARTS OF THE PLANET.
534
00:28:20,432 --> 00:28:22,730
PROFESSOR, YOU WERE
RESPONSIBLE FOR FINDING
535
00:28:22,767 --> 00:28:25,395
SCANTY-PANTIES AND GOLDEN
GODDESS HIGH-LIFT BRAS
536
00:28:25,437 --> 00:28:28,600
ON PLANETS WHICH WEREN'T
THOUGHT ABLE TO SUSTAIN LIFE.
537
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:30,835
AND NOW THAT MAN HAS
DISCOVERED A NEW GALAXY
538
00:28:30,875 --> 00:28:32,433
DO YOU THINK WE'RE
GOING TO SEE
539
00:28:32,477 --> 00:28:34,069
UNDERWEAR BECOME
EVEN NAUGHTIER?
540
00:28:34,112 --> 00:28:35,443
OH, NAUGHTIER
AND NAUGHTIER.
541
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:37,505
WELL, SO MUCH FOR THAT.
542
00:28:37,549 --> 00:28:39,847
BUT, OF COURSE, THE PROBE
ITSELF HAS EXCITED
543
00:28:39,884 --> 00:28:41,283
A GREAT DEAL OF INTEREST
544
00:28:41,319 --> 00:28:44,049
FOR IT CONTAINS URANIUM-BASED
DUAL TRANSMISSION CELLS
545
00:28:44,089 --> 00:28:46,023
ENTIRELY RECHARGED
BY SOLAR RADIATION
546
00:28:46,057 --> 00:28:50,084
WHICH CAN TAKE OFF A BRA AND
PANTIES IN LESS THAN 15 SECONDS.
547
00:28:50,128 --> 00:28:53,120
IT IS, OF COURSE, THE FIRST
PIECE OF SPACE HARDWARE
548
00:28:53,164 --> 00:28:55,325
TO BE SPECIALLY DESIGNED
TO UNDRESS LADIES
549
00:28:55,366 --> 00:28:56,833
AND SO THERE ARE BOUND
TO BE SOME TEETHING TROUBLES
550
00:28:56,868 --> 00:28:58,233
SUCH AS HOW TO COPE
551
00:28:58,269 --> 00:29:01,796
WITH THE COMBINATION OF
ELASTIC-SIDED BOOTS AND TIGHTS.
552
00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:05,332
BUT I THINK WE'RE GETTING SOME
PICTURES NOW FROM ALGON ITSELF
553
00:29:05,376 --> 00:29:06,673
AND IT LOOKS AS THOUGH... YES!
554
00:29:06,711 --> 00:29:08,474
THE SATELLITE HAS FOUND A BIRD!
555
00:29:08,513 --> 00:29:11,710
THE PROBE HAS STRUCK CRUMPET,
AND SHE LOOKS PRETTY GOOD, TOO!
556
00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:12,739
PROFESSOR?
557
00:29:12,784 --> 00:29:14,149
JA, SHE'S A REAL HONEY!
558
00:29:14,185 --> 00:29:16,346
WELL, THE
PICTURES ARE A BIT SPORADIC.
559
00:29:16,387 --> 00:29:18,150
I THINK PROBABLY
THE SOLAR RADIATION
560
00:29:18,189 --> 00:29:19,622
DURING THE LONG
JOURNEY TO ALGON...
561
00:29:19,657 --> 00:29:22,717
HOY! LOOK!
562
00:29:22,761 --> 00:29:23,819
OH, DEAR, I'M SORRY.
563
00:29:23,862 --> 00:29:25,557
WE'VE LOST CONTACT.
564
00:29:25,597 --> 00:29:28,464
WE'LL TRY AND
REESTABLISH CONTACT WITH ALGON...
565
00:29:28,500 --> 00:29:34,097
HELLO, THE BBC HAVE
OFFERED ME THE SUM OF 40p
566
00:29:34,139 --> 00:29:35,731
TO READ THE CREDITS
OF THIS SHOW.
567
00:29:35,774 --> 00:29:38,140
PERSONALLY, I THOUGHT
THEY SHOULD HAVE HELD OUT
568
00:29:38,176 --> 00:29:40,644
FOR THE FULL 75, BUT
THE BBC HAVE EXPLAINED TO ME
569
00:29:40,678 --> 00:29:42,339
ABOUT THEIR
FINANCIAL DIFFICULTIES
570
00:29:42,380 --> 00:29:44,746
AND, UH, I DECIDED TO ACCEPT
THE REDUCED OFFER.
571
00:29:44,783 --> 00:29:47,445
SO, "THE SHOW WAS CONCEIVED,
WRITTEN AND PERFORMED
572
00:29:47,485 --> 00:29:49,146
"BY THE USUAL LOT.
573
00:29:49,187 --> 00:29:50,552
"ALSO APPEARING WERE
574
00:29:50,588 --> 00:29:53,614
"CAROL CLEVELAND,
MARIE ANDERSON, MRS. IDLE;
575
00:29:53,658 --> 00:29:55,455
"MAKEUP, MADELAINE GAFFNEY;
576
00:29:55,493 --> 00:29:58,428
"COSTUMES, HAZEL PETHIG;
ANIMATIONS BY TERRY GILLIAM;
577
00:29:58,463 --> 00:30:00,863
"VISUAL EFFECTS DESIGNER,
BERNARD WILKIE;
578
00:30:00,899 --> 00:30:02,423
"GRAPHICS, BOB BLAGDEN;
579
00:30:02,467 --> 00:30:04,867
"FILM CAMERAMAN,
ALAN FEATHERSTONE;
580
00:30:04,903 --> 00:30:08,669
"FILM EDITOR, RAY MILLICHOPE;
SOUND, RICHARD CHUBB;
581
00:30:08,706 --> 00:30:11,698
"LIGHTING, BILL BAILEY;
DESIGNER, BOB BERK;
582
00:30:11,743 --> 00:30:13,540
"PRODUCED BY IAN MacNAUGHTON
583
00:30:13,578 --> 00:30:16,069
"FOR 92p AND
A BOTTLE OF BELLS WHISKY.
584
00:30:16,114 --> 00:30:17,775
IT WAS A BBC COLOUR PRODUCTION."
585
00:30:17,816 --> 00:30:19,750
UH, I THINK THAT'S JUST IT.
586
00:30:19,784 --> 00:30:22,810
I'D LIKE TO SAY IF THERE ARE
ANY BBC PRODUCERS LOOKING IN
587
00:30:22,854 --> 00:30:25,049
WHO NEED PEOPLE TO READ
THE CREDITS FOR THEM
588
00:30:25,089 --> 00:30:26,215
I WOULD PERSONALLY...
589
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:33,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll