Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
THE GOLDEN AGE OF BALLOONING CAN BE SAID TO BEGIN IN 1783...
WHEN THE MONTGOLFIER BROTHERS MADE THEIR FIRST ASCENT
IN A FIRE BALLOON.
ON THE EVE OF THAT...
OH, COME ON.
MOMENTOUS ASCENT
THE BROTHERS TOOK ONE LAST LOOK AT THEIR CRAFT
AS IT STOOD ON THE FIELDS OF ANNECY.
THIS IS A GREAT MOMENT FOR US, JOSEPH.
IT IS A GREAT MOMENT FOR FRANCE.
AH, OUI.
THE FIRST ASCENT IN A HOT AIR BALLOON
BY THE MONTGOLFIER BROTHERS, 1783.
I CAN SEE US NOW
JUST AFTER "MONTESQUIEU" AND JUST BEFORE "MOZART."
I THINK I'LL GO AND WASH.
GOOD LUCK.
IT'S QUITE EASY, REALLY.
I JUST SLAP A LITTLE WATER ON MY FACE...
NO, NO, NO.
GOOD LUCK FOR TOMORROW.
OH, I SEE, YES.
YOU, TOO.
YOURS HAS BEEN THE WORK.
LET US HOPE FOR A SAFE ASCENT.
AND DON'T USE MY FLANNEL.
YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU SHOWED ME THE PLANS IN PARIS
I COULD NOT BELIEVE THAT WE SHOULD BE
THE FIRST MEN WHO WOULD FLY.
YES, IT'S WONDERFUL.
I'M SO EXCITED, I COULD HARDLY WASH.
YES, I, TOO, HAVE HAD SOME DIFFICULTY WASHING
THESE PAST FEW DAYS.
STILL, WHAT IS WASHING WHEN WE ARE ON THE VERGE
OF A GREAT SCIENTIFIC BREAKTHROUGH?
JACQUES...
YES, JOSEPH?
I'VE NOT BEEN WASHING VERY THOROUGHLY
FOR MANY YEARS NOW.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YOU MUST HAVE BEEN WASHING YOUR FACE.
OH, YES, MY FACE.
I WASH MY FACE.
BUT MY LEGS, MY STOMACH, MY CHEST... THEY'RE FILTHY.
WELL... I DON'T WASH MY STOMACH EVERY DAY.
AH, BUT YOU WASH FAR MORE THAN ME.
YOU ARE THE CLEANER OF THE MONTGOLFIER BROTHERS.
THIS IS NOTHING, JOSEPH.
MONSIEUR MONTGOLFIER
A MR. PARFITT TO SEE YOU, SIR.
NO, NO, NO, BARTLETT.
A MR. BARKLIT TO SEE YOU, SIR.
NO, BARTLETT, WITH A "T."
A MISTER...
BARR-AT-ELETT TO SEE YOU, SIR.
BARTLETT.
BARKIT.
BARTLETT.
BARLIT... BARTLETT.
A MR. BARTLETT TO SEE YOU, SIR.
I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANYONE, O'TOOLE.
TELL HIM TO GO AWAY.
THANK YOU, SIR.
WELL, IT'S GETTING LATE.
I MUST GO AND HAVE A WASH.
WHAT WILL YOU BE WASHING?
OH, JUST MY FACE AND NECK.
PERHAPS MY FEET AND POSSIBLY... BUT NO!
LOCK UP THE PLANS, JOSEPH.
TOMORROW, THEY WILL MAKE US THE TOAST OF FRANCE.
THE FIRST ASCENT BY THE MONTGOLFIER BROTHERS
IN A BALLOON
JUST AFTER "BALLCOCK" AND JUST BEFORE "BANG."
WHAT A POSITION.
SO ON JUNE 7, 1783
THE MONTGOLFIER BROTHERS HAD A REALLY GOOD WASH.
STARTING ON HIS FACE AND ARMS
JOSEPH MICHAEL MONTGOLFIER WENT ON TO SCRUB HIS TORSO
HIS LEGS AND HIS NAUGHTY BITS, BEFORE RINSING HIS WHOLE BODY.
THAT JUNE NIGHT, HE AND HIS BROTHER BETWEEN THEM
WASHED 17 SQUARE FEET OF BODY AREA.
THEY USED A KILO AND A HALF OF CARBOLIC SOAP
AND NEARLY 14 GALLONS OF NICE HOT WATER.
IT WAS INDEED AN IMPRESSIVE SIGHT.
NEXT WEEK ON THE GOLDEN AGE OF BALLOONING
WE EXAMINE THE WORK OF GLAISHER AND COXWELL
THE ENGLISH BALLOONISTS
WHO ASCENDED TO A HEIGHT OF SEVEN MILES IN 1862
WITHOUT WASHING.
THERE'S ALSO A BOOK CALLED THE GOLDEN AGE OF BALLOONING
PUBLISHED BY THE BBC TO COINCIDE WITH THE SERIES.
IT'S IN AN ATTRACTIVE HAND-TOOLED BINDING
IS PRICED FIVE POUNDS
AND FAILURE TO BUY IT WILL MAKE YOU LIABLE
TO A £5O FINE OR THREE MONTHS IN PRISON.
THERE'S ALSO A RECORD OF SOMEONE READING THE BOOK
OF THE GOLDEN AGE OF BALLOONING
A CROCHET-WORK BEDSPREAD
WITH THE WORDS "THE GOLDEN AGE OF BALLOONING" ON IT
AVAILABLE FROM THE BBC, PRICE £18
OR FIVE MONTHS' IMPRISONMENT
AND MATCHING TOILET SEAT COVERS AND COURTESY MATS
WITH ILLUSTRATIONS OF MANY OF THE BALLOONS MENTIONED.
ALSO AVAILABLE IS A LIFE-SIZE MODEL FROG
WHICH CROAKS THE WORDS "GOLDEN AGE OF BALLOONING"
AND AN ATTRACTIVE BAKELITE CASE
FOR STORING MOTORWAY CONSTRUCTION PLANS IN
MADE IN THE SHAPE OF A BALLOON.
AND NOW, ANOTHER CHANCE TO SEE EPISODE TWO
OF THE AWARD-WINNING SERIES THE GOLDEN AGE OF BALLOONING.
OH, JOSEPH...
ALL YOU THINK ABOUT IS BALLOONS.
ALL YOU TALK ABOUT IS BALLOONS.
YOUR BEAUTIFUL HOUSE IS
FULL OF BITS AND PIECES OF BALLOONS.
YOUR BOOKS ARE ALL ABOUT BALLOONS.
EVERY TIME YOU SING A SONG
IT IS IN SOME WAY OBLIQUELY CONNECTED WITH BALLOONS.
EVERYTHING YOU EAT
HAS TO HAVE THE WORD "BALLOON"
INCORPORATED IN THE TITLE.
YOUR DOGS ARE ALL CALLED BALLOONO.
YOU TIE BALLOONS TO YOUR ANKLES IN THE EVENINGS.
I DON'T DO THAT.
WELL, NO, YOU DON'T DO THAT
BUT YOU DO DUCK DOWN AND SHOUT, "HEY, BALLOONS!"
WHEN THERE ARE NONE ABOUT.
YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS BECOMING
OBSESSIVELY BALLOONIC, YOU KNOW.
WHY DO I HAVE TO HANG
FROM THIS BLOODY GAS BAG ALL DAY?
DON'T I MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?
OH, MA CHERIE, YOU MEAN MORE TO ME
THAN ANY HEAVIER-THAN-AIR DIRIGIBLE...
OH, THERE YOU GO AGAIN!
DON'T WAGGLE!
I'VE RUN YOUR BATH FOR YOU, JOSEPH.
OH, I'M SO SORRY.
I DIDN'T REALIZE...
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
WE'VE DONE THE DIFFICULT BIT.
WELL, DON'T FORGET
WE HAVE OUR SPECIAL GUEST COMING THIS EVENING.
OH?
DON'T TELL ME YOU'VE FORGOTTEN ALREADY.
THE MAN WHO IS GIVING US THOUSANDS OF FRANCS
FOR EXPERIMENTS.
WHAT MAN?
LOUIS XIV.
ISN'T HE DEAD?
EVIDENTLY NOT.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL BE ROUND.
OH... AND, JOSEPH?
YES, JACQUES.
YOU WILL... WASH, WON'T YOU?
YES, OF COURSE.
HIS ROYAL MAJESTY, LOUIS XIV OF FRANCE.
AND MR. BARTLETT.
YOUR MAJESTY, IT IS A GREAT PRIVILEGE.
WELCOME TO OUR HUMBLE ABODE.
IT'S, UH... VERY NICE TO BE HERE.
O'TOOLE...
SIR?
A CLARET FOR HIS MAJESTY, PLEASE.
THERE'S A MR. BARTLETT OUTSIDE AGAIN, SIR.
NOT NOW, I CAN'T SEE HIM.
WE HAVE THE KING OF FRANCE HERE.
YES, SIR.
YOUR MAJESTY, YOU'VE HAD A PLEASANT JOURNEY, I TRUST?
YES, YES, OH, DEFINITELY, YES, YES.
OH, AYE... AYE.
YOU HAVE COME FROM PARIS?
WHERE?
FROM PARIS... YOU HAVE TRAVELED FROM PARIS?
OH, YES, YES, WE'VE COME FROM... FROM PARIS, YES.
OH, YES.
YES, WE'VE JUST COME FROM... YEAH, YEAH, PARIS, YES.
SIR?
YES, O'TOOLE.
WHICH ONE IS THE CLARET, SIR?
THE CLARET IS IN THE DECANTER.
THE WOODEN THING?
NO, NO, THE GLASS THING.
THE GLASS DECANTER WITH THE ROUND GLASS STOPPER.
OH, YES, BEHIND THE DOOR.
NO, NO... ON THE SIDEBOARD.
THE SIDEBOARD?
THE SIDEBOARD, YES.
LOOK, YOU GO INTO THE SALLE A MANGER
THE DINING ROOM, RIGHT?
AND THE SIDEBOARD'S ON YOUR LEFT BY THE WALL.
BESIDE THE MASTER'S PORTRAIT.
AH! ABOVE THE MIRROR, SIR.
NO, NO, NO, NO, THE MIRROR'S ON THE OTHER SIDE.
IT'S OPPOSITE THE MIRROR.
BUT THAT'S THE TABLE, SIR.
NO, YOU DON'T GO AS FAR AS THE TABLE...
YOU GO INTO THE ROOM, RIGHT?
ON YOUR RIGHT IS THE DOOR TO THE ORANGERY
STRAIGHT AHEAD OF YOU IS THE DOOR TO THE LIBRARY
AND TO YOUR LEFT IS THE SIDEBOARD.
AH, YES, I SEE, SIR.
AND THE CLARET IS ON TOP OF THE SIDEBOARD, TO THE LEFT.
ON THE LEFT.
YES.
AS ONE LOOKS AT IT, SIR?
YES.
I SEE, SIR... THANK YOU.
O'TOOLE.
YES, SIR?
WILL YOU PLEASE TELL MONSIEUR JOSEPH
OUR GUEST IS HERE?
YES, SIR.
I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT, YOUR MAJESTY.
APPARENTLY, SIR, THERE IS A PLAN
TO BUILD A CANAL BETWEEN THE TWO EGYPTIAN TOWNS...
NOT NOW, O'TOOLE.
WELL, EH... MR. MONTGOLFIER
LET'S NOT BEAT AROUND THE BUSH.
MY DUKES AND I ARE VERY BUSY MEN.
WHAT WE'D LIKE TO DO IS SEE THE PLANS
OF YOUR PROPOSED BALLOON IF THAT'S AT ALL POSSIBLE.
CERTAINLY, YOUR MAJESTY.
I HAVE THEM HERE READY PREPARED.
OH, GREAT, HEN.
WHAT WE'D LIKE TO DO IS TAKE THESE BACK WI' US
FOR THE ROYAL ARCHIVES OF, ER...
FRANCE.
FRANCE, AYE.
WELL, IT IS INDEED A GREAT HONOR, YOUR MAJESTY
THAT I CANNOT REFUSE.
RIGHT, OKAY, LET'S GET 'EM.
JUST A MOMENT!
JOSEPH!
THAT MAN IS NOT LOUIS XIV.
JOSEPH, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?
I'VE BEEN LOOKING IT UP IN MY BATH.
LOUIS XIV DIED IN 1717.
IT'S NOW 1783.
ANSWER ME THAT.
DID I SAY LOUIS XIV?
I'M SORRY, I MEANT LOUIS XV, LOUIS XV.
HE DIED IN 1774.
ALL RIGHT, LOUIS XVI.
LISTEN TO ME, SMARTARSE.
WHEN YOU'RE KING OF FRANCE, YOU'VE GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO
THAN GO AROUND ALL DAY REMEMBERING YOUR BLOODY NUMBER.
DO YOU WANT TO ARGUE ABOUT NUMBERS?
NO, NO.
WELL, LET'S GET HOLD OF THESE PLANS
FOR THE ROYAL ARCHIVES.
WE'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO, ER...
PARIS.
PARIS BY TONIGHT, SO COME ON, GET A MOVE.
I GOT AS FAR AS THE SIDEBOARD, SIR.
HEY, STOP THEM! STOP THEM!
NO NEWS ON THE CANAL, I'M AFRAID, SIR
BUT APPARENTLY IN INDIA
THEY'RE THINKING OF BUILDING A RAILWAY
BETWEEN THE TOWNS OF LAHORE...
WILL LOUIS XIV GETAWAY
WITH THE MONTGOLFIERS' PRECIOUS PLANS?
IS 16 YEARS OF WORK
TO BE STOLEN BY THIS SUSPECT SOVEREIGN?
IS FRANCE REALLY IN THE GRIP OF A GLASWEGIAN MONARCH?
WATCH NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE OF THE GOLDEN AGE OF BALLOONING.
NOW...
SO NOW THAT THE GOVERNMENT HAS COLLAPSED
AND SHOWN ITSELF INCAPABLE
OF PROVIDING ANY KIND OF UNIFYING FORCE
I FEEL THAT WE DO NEED THE KIND OF STABILITY
AND THE BREATHING SPACE
THAT A MILITARY PRESENCE WOULD PROVIDE.
LORD INTEREST.
YES, I AGREE THE ARMY SHOULD TAKE OVER
BUT I THINK IT SHOULD NOT INTERFERE WITH THE PROGRAM
OF STREET EXECUTIONS
WHICH I FEEL HAVE BEEN THE SHOT IN THE ARM
THAT THE BRITISH ECONOMY SO DESPERATELY NEEDED.
YES, THE MONTGOLFIER BROTHERS' PLANS DID INDEED TURN UP
SIX MONTHS LATER, AND A LONG WAY FROM PARIS
AT THE COURT OF KING GEORGE III OF ENGLAND.
"TITTY WAS VERY WORRIED.
"WHERE COULD MARY BE?
"HE LOOKED EVERYWHERE...
"UNDER THE STONES AND BEHIND THE BUSHES.
"AND MR. SQUIRREL HELPED HIM BY LOOKING UP IN THE TREES.
AND MR. BADGER HELPED HIM BY LOOKING UNDER THE GROUND..."
AND SO, YOUR MAJESTY, WE THE COMMONS
DO HEREIN CRAVE AND BESEECH THAT...
YOUR MAJESTY, LOUIS XVIII IS HERE.
WHO IS LOUIS XVIII?
HE'S THE KING OF FRANCE, YOUR MAJESTY.
AND THIS IS A GREAT MOMENT TO HAVE, SIR.
THERE IS NO LOUIS XVIII.
PSST.
...TELL HIM IT'S LOUIS XVII.
HE CRAVES YOUR MAJESTY'S PARDON.
HE HAS HAD A LONG JOURNEY HERE AND MISCOUNTED.
HE IS LOUIS XVII.
LOUIS XVI IS DEAD ALREADY?
YOUR MAJESTY, I'M LOUIS XVI.
OH, CHRIST.
YOUR MAJESTY, I'M LOUIS XVI
AS YOU SO RIGHTLY SAY
AND I DON'T WANT TO MUCK ABOUT.
I'VE GOT A WEE PROPOSITION
WHICH COULD MAKE THE NAME OF GEORGE IV
THE MOST RESPECTED IN EUROPE.
GEORGE III.
GEORGE III, SORRY.
WHERE CAN WE TALK?
DID YOU SEE THAT?
WE SHALL HAVE A STATE BANQUET AT ST. JAMES'S PALACE.
NO, I DON'T WANT TO HANG ABOUT.
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT, YOU KNOW.
I'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO, ER...
PARIS.
PARIS BY TONIGHT, YOU KNOW.
MUST YOU LEAVE US, LOUIS?
I'D RATHER JUST SELL THE PLANS AND NIP OFF, GEORGIE BOY.
WELL, ALL RIGHT, WE SHALL BUY THE PLANS
IF YOU WILL UNDERTAKE
TO DISENGAGE YOUR TROOPS IN AMERICA.
DO WHAT?
AND I SHALL GIVE YOU £10,000 FOR THE PLANS.
£10,000!
RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL DISENGAGE THE, UM...
YOU KNOW, WHAT YOU SAID.
WE'LL DISENGAGE 'EM.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, HEN.
I'LL PUT A DUKE ONTO IT, OKAY?
RIGHT.
THAT'S THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO TO ANYBODY.
YOU ASKED FOR IT, SONNY.
YOU COULD HAVE BROKE MY BLOODY NOSE.
I'LL BREAK YOUR...
NORTH! PLEASE!
YOU SAW IT.
IT WAS RIGHT ON THE BONE.
NORTH, WILL YOU SEND FOR THE DUKE OF PORTLAND?
WE HAVE A FINANCIAL MATTER TO DISCUSS.
WELL, IT REALLY HURT.
NO, LOOK HERE, I THINK IT'S BETTER
IF YOU GIVE THE MONEY TO US
YOU KNOW, WE'RE GOING BACK.
WE'VE GOT A BAG.
NO, DON'T WORRY, LOUIS.
WE SHALL TALK TO YOUR MONSIEUR NECKER.
WELL, ACTUALLY, WE'D RATHER YOU DIDN'T, YOU KNOW.
WE'VE BEEN HAVING A WEE BIT OF TROUBLE WITH HIM RECENTLY
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
MONSIEUR NECKER?
THE MAN WHO INTRODUCED SO MANY VALUABLE REFORMS
AND PROVED SO POPULAR
DESPITE HIS OPPOSITION
TO MIRABEAU'S POLICY OF ISSUING "ASSIGNATS"?
AYE, YEAH.
BUT THE TROUBLE IS, HE'S BEEN DRINKING A BIT RECENTLY.
YOU KNOW, 14 LAGERS WI' HIS BREAKFAST
THAT SORT OF THING.
WELL, VERY WELL, LOUIS.
JUST A MOMENT!
OH, CHRIST!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I AM JOSEPH MONTGOLFIER
THE INVENTOR OF THE FIRE BALLOON.
THE MAN BEFORE YOU
IS AN IMPOSTOR.
OH, NO, I AM NOT, HONESTLY.
NO, NO, NO, NOT YOU, YOUR MAJESTY.
THIS MAN.
THIS LOUIS THE SO-CALLED KING OF FRANCE MAN.
WHAT NUMBER DID HE GIVE YOU THIS TIME?
LOUIS XXIII?
I GOT IT RIGHT.
YEAH, I BET YOU TOOK A FEW GUESSES.
LISTEN, YOU SPOTTY SASSENACH PILLOCK.
YOUR MAJESTY, THE RONETTES ARE HERE.
AND MR. BARTLETT.
OH, DEAR, I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO GO MAD UNTIL 1800.
JOSEPH HAS BEEN GONE FOR SIX MONTHS NOW.
WE HAVE HEARD NOTHING.
HE CAN LOOK AFTER HIMSELF.
OH, BUT HE HAD ONLY ON A TOWEL, YOU KNOW.
ANTOINETTE
FROM NOW ON, THERE IS ONLY ONE MONTGOLFIER BROTHER.
BUT LOUIS XIV HAS THE PLANS.
OH, YOU MUST WAIT UNTIL JOSEPH RETURNS.
THE PLANS ARE HERE, CHERIE.
LET ME PUT MY TONGUE IN YOUR MOUTH.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FRENCH, AREN'T WE?
NO, NO, NO.
I MEAN, WHAT ARE THE PLANS
WHICH JOSEPH AFTER IS CHASING?
PLEASE, LET ME PUT IT IN A LITTLE WAY.
OH, JACQUES, ZE PLANS!
I TAKE IT OUT IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT.
ARE YOU SURE
THE CLARET WAS ON THE LEFT OF THE SIDEBOARD, SIR?
YES, O'TOOLE, IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THERE.
WELL, I'LL LOOK FOR ONE MORE MONTH, SIR.
PLEASE LET ME PUT IT...
BY THE WAY, SIR, MR. BARTLETT HAS GONE, SIR.
HE SAID HE COULDN'T WAIT ANY LONGER.
THANK YOU, O'TOOLE.
NOT AT ALL, SIR, I'VE EN JOYED BEING IN IT.
RIGHT.
THANK YOU, SIR... MAM'SELLE.
BY THE WAY, SIR
MR. BARTLETT HAS GONE, SIR.
HE SAID HE COULDN'T WAIT ANY LONGER, SIR.
THANK YOU, O'TOOLE.
NOT AT ALL, SIR.
I'VE EN JOYED BEING IN IT.
RIGHT.
THANK YOU, SIR... MAM'SELLE.
MORE! MORE! MORE!
"GEORGE III" WAS ARRANGED AND COMPOSED BY NEIL INNES.
HE IS AVAILABLE FROM THE BBC
PRICE FOUR POUNDS OR EIGHT MONTHS' IMPRISONMENT.
THAT WAS EPISODE THREE OF THE GOLDEN AGE OF BALLOONING.
MA Y I REMIND YOU THAT THERE'S STILL TIME
TO GET YOUR GOLDEN AGE OF BALLOONING SUPPOSITORIES
DIRECT FROM THE BBC, PRICE £4.5O OR £19 FOR A SET OF SIX.
WELL, IN A MOMENT, THE BBC WILL BE CLOSING DOWN FOR THE NIGHT.
BUT FIRST, HERE IS A PARTY POLITICAL BROADCAST
ON BEHALF OF THE NORWEGIAN PARTY.
HIGHLIGHTS OF THAT BROADCAST WILL BE DISCUSSED LATER
BY LORD GEORGE-BROWN, EX-FOREIGN SECRETARY;
MR. SVEN OLAFSON, THE EX- NORWEGIAN MINISTER OF FINANCE;
SIR CHARLES OLLENDORFF
EX-CHAIRMAN OF THE NORWEGIAN TRADES COUNCIL;
MR. HAMISH McLAVELL, THE MAYOR OF WICK
THE NEAREST LARGE TOWN TO NORWAY;
MRS. BETTY NORDAY
WHOSE NAME SOUNDS REMARKABLY LIKE "NORWAY";
MR. BRIAN WAYNOR, WHOSE NAME IS AN ANAGRAM OF "NORWAY";
MR. AND MRS. FORD, WHOSE NAME SOUNDS LIKE "FJORD"
OF WHICH THERE ARE A LOT IN NORWAY;
RON AND CHRISTINE BOSLO...
FERDINAND VON ZEPPELIN WAS BORN IN CONSTANCE IN 1838
THE BROTHER OF BARRY ZEPPELIN
THE LEAST TALENTED OF THE 14 ZEPPELIN BROTHERS.
HMM!
MEANWHILE, FOR FERDINAND VON ZEPPELIN
THE YEAR 19O8 WAS A YEAR OF TRIUMPH.
HERR ZEPPELIN, IT'S VONDERFUL!
IT'S PUT BALLOONING RIGHT BACK ON ZE MAP.
IT'S NOT A BALLOON, DO YOU HEAR?!
IT'S NOT A BALLOON, IT'S AN AIRSHIP!
AN AIRSHIP, DO YOU HEAR?
WELL, IT'S VERY NICE, ANYWAY.
TELL ME, WHAT IS
THE PRINCIPLE OF THESE BALLOONS?
IT'S NOT A BALLOON
YOU STUPID, THICK-HEADED SAXON GIT!
IT'S NOT A BALLOON!
BALLOONS IS FOR KIDDY-WINKIES.
IF YOU WANT TO PLAY WITH BALLOONS, GET OUTSIDE.
"YORKSHIRE PUDDING...
A TYPE OF THICK PANCAKE, EATEN WITH LARGE..."
I HEAR YOU ARE TO NAME THE BALLOON AFTER BISMARCK.
"BISMARCK"? OF COURSE I'M NOT CALLING IT AFTER BISMARCK.
IT'S A "ZEPPELIN."
IT'S NOTHING TO DO WITH BLOODY BISMARCK!
SURELY HE GAVE YOU SOME MONEY FOR IT?
GET OUTSIDE!
"ZA... BAG... LIONE...
A SORT OF CREAM MOUSE... MOUSSE OF ITALIAN ORIGIN."
FERDINAND, THAT WAS A MINISTER OF STATE
YOU JUST THREW OUT OF THE BALLOON.
IT'S NOT A BALLOON!
IT'S AN AIRSHIP!
ALL RIGHT, I'M SORRY.
ALL RIGHT, GO AND HAVE A LOOK.
NO, I'M FINE HERE, THANK YOU.
"ZUCCHINI... ITALIAN MARROWS..."
"ZINGARA... A GARNISH OF FINELY CHOPPED
OR SHREDDED LEAN HAM..."
"TONGUE..."
"MUSHROOMS AND TRUFFLES."
"ZAKUSKI, A RUSSIAN HORS D'OEUVRE, SERVED..."
"WITH TINY PIECES OF SLICED..."
OH, LOOK, IT'S THE CHANCELLOR!
WHAT? PRINCE VON BULOW? HERE?
JA!
COMING HERE?
NO, HE IS HERE.
OH, I MUST GO AND PUT MY OLD UNIFORM ON.
HE WON'T NOTICE, HELMUT.
HE'S DEAD.
DEAD?
HERE?
JA, IN OUR SITTING ROOM.
THIS IS OUR SITTING ROOM, DEAR.
JA, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
THE DRAWING ROOM.
JA, WELL, IT'S A KIND OF SITTING ROOM.
WELL...
LOOK!
WHICH ONE IS VON BULOW?
HERE, LOOK!
OH, JA!
OH, UND ADMIRAL TIRPITZ!
OH, JA, JA!
AND VON MULLER AND HERR REICHNER...
OH, JA!
AND HOLLWEG AND VON GRAUNBERG...
THAT IS NOT GRAUNBERG.
DAS IST GRAUNBERG.
DAS ISTMOLTKE.
OH, JA!
HE'S A LOT OLDER THAN I THOUGHT.
HE'S A CLEVER MAN, JA.
AND ZIMMERMANN... AND... AND KIMPTE.
OH, KIMPTE, JA.
WHAT SHALL WE DO, HELMUT?
WE MUST RING THE GOVERNMENT.
THIS IS THE GOVERNMENT, HELMUT.
OH, DEAR!
IT IS A GREAT HONOR TO HAVE SO MANY MEMBERS OF THE GOVERNMENT
DEAD IN OUR SITTING ROOM.
DRAWING ROOM.
JA, WELL...
NO MEMBERS OF THE GOVERNMENT ARE DEAD IN OUR SITTING ROOM.
JA, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
WELL...
PERHAPS I SHOULD MAKE
A LITTLE SPEECH, OR SOMETHING.
NO, NOT A SPEECH, HELMUT, NO.
SHALL WE MAKE THEM A CUP OF TEA?
IT WOULD BE A WASTE OF TEA.
BUT WE MUST DO SOMETHING.
SO MANY IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN OUR DRAWING ROOM...
WE MUST DO SOMETHING!
WE COULD SORT THEM OUT.
AND MAKE A LITTLE LIST.
JA, JA, JA.
GOOD, WE COULD PUT THE MINISTERS FOR INTERNAL AFFAIRS
OVER AGAINST THE WALL
AND FOR THOSE FOR INTERNAL, HERE BY THE CLOCK.
AND WE CAN SORT THEM OUT ALPHABETICALLY?
NEIN, NEIN, NEIN.
WE JUST PUT THE CLEANEST BY THE DOOR.
HERE WE ARE.
NO, NO, NO, THAT IS... THAT'S VON BULOW.
HE MUST GO OVER HERE.
BUT THAT IS MY READING CHAIR.
HE IS THE REICH CHANCELLOR OF GERMANY, HELMUT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT
BUT I THINK HE WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER
UP AGAINST THE CLOCK, YOU KNOW.
NO, HE WOULD NOT LOOK NICE UNDER THE CLOCK.
I DID NOT SAY UNDER THE CLOCK
I SAID AGAINST THE CLOCK.
WELL, THEN WE COULD NOT SEE THE CLOCK!
WE PUT THE MINISTER FOR THE COLONIES UNDER THE CLOCK.
HE'S SMALL.
NO, THE COLONIES ARE INTERNAL AFFAIRS.
HE MUST GO AGAINST THE WALL!
EDUCATION.
AH!
SOON WE'LL BE ABLE TO MAKE A LIST.
OH, JA, JA.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WHO'S THAT BY THE CAT LITTER?
I DON'T KNOW!
I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE!
HE IS NOT A MEMBER OF THE GOVERNMENT.
GET HIM OUT OF HERE.
PUT HIM IN THE DRAWING ROOM.
HE'S IN THE DRAWING ROOM, MY DEAR.
JA, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
PUT HIM IN THE SITTING ROOM.
YOU CAN PUT HIM IN THE SITTING ROOM
IF HE'S IN THE DRAWING ROOM.
- COUNT FERDINAND - VON ZEPPELIN'S BEHAVIOR
ON THAT FLIGHT IN 1900
HAD INCREDIBLE, FAR-REACHING CONSEQUENCES
FOR ONE OF THE FALLEN MINISTERS...
THE TALENTED HERR VON MAINTLITZ
ARCHITECT OF THE NEW GERMAN EXPANSIONIST FARM POLICY...
FELL ON TOP OF AN OLD LADY IN NIMWEGEN, KILLING HER OUTRIGHT.
HER DAUGHTER, ALICE, SUFFERED SEVERE CEREBRAL DAMAGE
FROM THE TALENTED MINISTER'S HEAVY BRIEFCASE
BUT WAS NURSED BACK TO LIFE BY AN ENGLISH DOCTOR, HENDERSON.
EVENTUALLY, THEY MARRIED
AND THEIR ELDEST SON, GEORGE HENDERSON
WAS THE FATHER OF MIKE HENDERSON
PRODUCER AND DIRECTOR
OF THE GOLDEN AGE OF BALLOONING.
- ... MR. AND MRS. RITA TRONDHEIM; - REGINALD BO-SANKWAY
WHO WOULD BE NEXT TO NORWAY IN A RHYMING DICTIONARY
IF IT INCLUDED PROPER NAMES
AND IF HE PRONOUNCED HIS NAME LIKE THAT.
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll