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00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:48,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
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00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:33,245
YES, THIS LOOKS
THE SORT OF THING.
3
00:02:33,286 --> 00:02:34,480
MAY I JUST TRY IT?
4
00:02:34,521 --> 00:02:35,954
CERTAINLY, MADAM.
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OH, SORRY, SO SORRY!
6
00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:38,718
YES, THAT'S FINE.
7
00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:40,521
IS THAT ON ACCOUNT,
MADAM?
8
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:41,754
YES.
9
00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:48,023
HELLO?
10
00:02:49,068 --> 00:02:51,434
HELLO?
11
00:03:01,381 --> 00:03:02,780
OH, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.
12
00:03:02,815 --> 00:03:04,783
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
SOMEONE ELSE.
13
00:03:04,817 --> 00:03:06,079
OH, I SEE, YES.
14
00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:07,143
I'M SORRY, SIR.
15
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,415
CAN I HELP YOU?
16
00:03:08,454 --> 00:03:11,150
YES, YES, AS A MATTER OF FACT,
YOU CAN, ACTUALLY.
17
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:14,888
I WAS INTERESTED IN
THE POSSIBILITY OF PUR...
18
00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:16,793
CAN I ASK YOU
WHO YOU THOUGHT I WAS?
19
00:03:16,829 --> 00:03:17,557
WHAT?
20
00:03:17,597 --> 00:03:18,859
WHO DID YOU THINK I WAS
21
00:03:18,898 --> 00:03:20,763
JUST THEN, WHEN YOU THOUGHT
I WAS SOMEBODY?
22
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,267
OH, IT'S NO ONE YOU'D KNOW, SIR.
23
00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:23,963
WELL, I MIGHT KNOW THEM.
24
00:03:24,003 --> 00:03:25,095
IT'S POSSIBLE, OBVIOUSLY
25
00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:26,605
BUT I THINK IT'S
REALLY UNLIKELY.
26
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:29,233
I MEAN, HE'S HARDLY
LIKELY TO MOVE IN
YOUR CIRCLES, SIR.
27
00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:30,867
WHY, IS HE VERY RICH?
28
00:03:30,910 --> 00:03:32,571
OH, NO, I DIDN'T MEAN THAT, SIR.
29
00:03:32,612 --> 00:03:34,102
IS HE A LORD OR SOMETHING?
30
00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:34,738
NOT AT ALL.
31
00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:36,476
WHAT IS HIS NAME?
32
00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:37,107
WHAT?
33
00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:38,378
WHAT IS HIS NAME?
34
00:03:38,418 --> 00:03:39,817
WELL, UH...
35
00:03:39,852 --> 00:03:40,750
YES?
36
00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:42,755
MICHAEL ELLIS.
37
00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:43,585
WHO?
38
00:03:44,824 --> 00:03:45,882
MICHAEL ELLIS.
39
00:03:45,925 --> 00:03:47,859
I SEE.
40
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:49,088
DO YOU KNOW HIM, SIR?
41
00:03:49,128 --> 00:03:52,188
UH, MICHAEL ELLIS.
42
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,221
MICHAEL ELLIS.
43
00:03:53,266 --> 00:03:54,233
YOU DON'T?
44
00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:55,529
WELL, I DON'T
REMEMBER THE NAME.
45
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:57,035
I THINK YOU WOULD
REMEMBER HIM, SIR.
46
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:57,968
WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?
47
00:03:58,004 --> 00:03:59,335
WELL, WOULD YOU REMEMBER
48
00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:01,135
A MAN SIX FOOT NINE INCHES HIGH
49
00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:03,699
40-ISH, AND HE'S GOT
A SCAR FROM HERE TO HERE
50
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:05,074
AND ABSOLUTELY NO NOSE?
51
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,548
OH, I THINK I DO REMEMBER
SOMEBODY LIKE THAT.
52
00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:11,243
WELL, THAT'S NOT MICHAEL ELLIS.
53
00:04:12,285 --> 00:04:13,479
RIGHT...
54
00:04:13,519 --> 00:04:14,986
HE'S A SMALL MAN
ABOUT THIS HIGH
55
00:04:15,021 --> 00:04:16,283
WITH A HIGH-
PITCHED VOICE.
56
00:04:16,322 --> 00:04:18,688
RIGHT, I'M NOT GOING TO
BUY AN ANT FROM YOU NOW.
57
00:04:18,725 --> 00:04:19,714
OH, NO, PLEASE.
58
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:21,021
YOU'VE NOT BEEN
PROPERLY TRAINED.
59
00:04:21,060 --> 00:04:22,084
COME ON, PLEASE.
60
00:04:22,128 --> 00:04:23,186
I WANT ANOTHER ASSISTANT.
61
00:04:23,229 --> 00:04:24,856
ALL RIGHT, I'LL GET
ANOTHER ASSISTANT.
62
00:04:24,897 --> 00:04:25,556
THANK YOU.
63
00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:26,565
HELLO, SIR.
64
00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:28,089
CAN I HELP YOU?
65
00:04:28,134 --> 00:04:29,601
NO, I WANT
A DIFFERENT ASSISTANT.
66
00:04:29,636 --> 00:04:31,399
I AM, SIR... I'M
MR. ABANAZAR, SIR.
67
00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:32,495
DON'T BE SILLY.
68
00:04:32,538 --> 00:04:34,199
OH, NO, PLEASE, PLEASE
LET ME HELP YOU.
69
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:35,434
NO! I WANT
ANOTHER ASSISTANT.
70
00:04:35,475 --> 00:04:36,533
OH, NO, COME ON, PLEASE.
71
00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:37,543
IF YOU DON'T...
72
00:04:37,577 --> 00:04:39,044
I'LL BE VERY GOOD,
SIR, REALLY.
73
00:04:39,078 --> 00:04:40,045
GOOD MORNING, SIR.
74
00:04:40,079 --> 00:04:41,171
HOW ARE YOU, SIR?
75
00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:43,011
BIT PARKY OUTSIDE
TODAY, ISN'T IT, SIR?
76
00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:45,108
A VERY NICE SUIT
YOU'VE GOT THERE, SIR.
77
00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:46,140
RIGHT, I'M GOING.
78
00:04:46,185 --> 00:04:47,152
NO, NO, PLEASE.
79
00:04:47,186 --> 00:04:48,585
I'LL GET YOU
ANOTHER ASSISTANT.
80
00:04:48,621 --> 00:04:49,588
ALL RIGHT.
81
00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:55,819
IT'S NOT HIM.
82
00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:56,920
I DON'T WANT HIM.
83
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,453
OH, PLEASE,
GIVE HIM A CHANCE.
84
00:04:58,498 --> 00:04:59,556
NO!
85
00:04:59,599 --> 00:05:01,260
YES, SIR, CAN I BE
OF ANY ASSISTANCE?
86
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,700
OH, COME ON, DON'T TRY THAT.
87
00:05:02,735 --> 00:05:03,827
TRY WHAT, SIR?
88
00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:04,837
YOU KNOW
89
00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:06,304
PERFECTLY WELL.
90
00:05:06,339 --> 00:05:08,637
YOU WERE DOWN BEHIND THERE
WITH A SILLY MASK ON
91
00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:09,767
GOING.
92
00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:10,776
I DON'T THINK
I WAS, SIR.
93
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:12,038
GET THE MANAGER.
94
00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:14,512
THERE SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN
A MISUNDERSTANDING, SIR.
95
00:05:14,547 --> 00:05:15,514
MANAGER!
96
00:05:15,548 --> 00:05:16,776
THIS IS THE MANAGER, SIR.
97
00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:17,783
WHAT?
98
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:19,114
YES, I'M
THE MANAGER.
99
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,380
SMASHING STORE, THIS.
100
00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:21,819
I CAN'T RECOMMEND IT TOO HIGHLY.
101
00:05:21,854 --> 00:05:23,651
WELL LIT, RAT-FREE,
IT'S A JOY TO MANAGE.
102
00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:27,057
OH, YES, FRESHEST HADDOCK
IN LONDON, SECOND FLOOR
103
00:05:27,093 --> 00:05:28,492
THIRD FLOOR RIBENA, ANTS HERE
104
00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:30,257
BEHIND THERE OUR
DINNER WAGON EXHIBITION.
105
00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:31,263
MANAGER!
106
00:05:31,297 --> 00:05:32,628
QUICK!
107
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:34,223
YES, SIR, CAN I HELP YOU, SIR?
108
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:37,065
YES, I WANT TO COMPLAIN
ABOUT THE ASSISTANTS
ON THIS COUNTER.
109
00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:38,365
I'M SORRY, SIR...
WHICH ONES?
110
00:05:38,404 --> 00:05:39,962
WELL, THEY'RE HIDING NOW.
111
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,234
SIR?
112
00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:43,367
THEY'RE HIDING, DOWN THERE
BEHIND THE COUNTER.
113
00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:45,400
I SEE, SIR.
114
00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:49,004
WELL, THERE'S NOBODY
DOWN HERE, SIR.
115
00:05:49,048 --> 00:05:50,675
THEY MUST HAVE CRAWLED
THROUGH HERE
116
00:05:50,717 --> 00:05:52,708
AND MADE THEIR ESCAPE
THROUGH "SOFT TOYS."
117
00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:54,014
YES, OF COURSE.
118
00:05:54,053 --> 00:05:56,351
THEY WERE WEARING MASKS
AND MAKING SILLY NOISES
119
00:05:56,389 --> 00:05:58,516
AND ONE OF THEM PRETENDED
TO BE THE MANAGER.
120
00:05:59,559 --> 00:06:01,959
OH, YES, I'M THE MANAGER.
121
00:06:01,994 --> 00:06:03,552
SMASHING STORE
TO MANAGE, THIS.
122
00:06:03,596 --> 00:06:04,790
I THINK
I'VE GOT IT, SIR.
123
00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:06,662
I THINK I'VE GOT IT...
IT'S RAG WEEK.
124
00:06:06,699 --> 00:06:08,098
RAG WEEK?
125
00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:09,601
YES, YOU KNOW,
FOR CHARITY, SIR.
126
00:06:09,635 --> 00:06:11,865
OH, I SEE, SOME LOCAL
COLLEGE OR UNIVERSITY?
127
00:06:11,904 --> 00:06:14,464
NO, NO, IT'S
THE STORE'S RAG WEEK.
128
00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:15,633
THE STORE'S RAG WEEK?
129
00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:17,643
YES, THE SENIOR STAFF
DON'T JOIN IN MUCH.
130
00:06:17,677 --> 00:06:19,235
IT'S FOR THE TRAINEES,
REALLY.
131
00:06:19,278 --> 00:06:20,973
NOT VERY GOOD
FOR BUSINESS, IS IT?
132
00:06:21,013 --> 00:06:22,275
OH, IT'S
FOR CHARITY, SIR.
133
00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:24,510
PEOPLE ARE AWFULLY GOOD
ABOUT IT, YOU KNOW.
134
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:25,710
OH, I SEE.
135
00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:27,845
RIGHT, SIR, I'LL GET
YOU A SENIOR ASSISTANT.
136
00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:28,945
ANTS, WAS IT?
137
00:06:28,988 --> 00:06:30,319
YES, PLEASE.
138
00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:32,586
MR. SNETTERTON?
139
00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:33,614
I DON'T WANT HIM!
140
00:06:33,659 --> 00:06:35,149
OH, PLEASE,
GIVE ME A CHANCE.
141
00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:36,183
NO!
142
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:37,787
ALL RIGHT, MR. HARTFORD.
143
00:06:37,830 --> 00:06:40,355
YES, GOOD
MORNING, SIR,
CAN I HELP YOU?
144
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,630
YES, PLEASE, I'M INTERESTED
IN BUYING AN ANT.
145
00:06:42,668 --> 00:06:45,466
AH, YES, AND WHAT PRICE
WERE YOU THINKING
OF PAYING, SIR?
146
00:06:45,505 --> 00:06:47,973
OH, WELL, I HADN'T
ACTUALLY GOT AS FAR AS THAT.
147
00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:50,168
WELL, SIR, THEY START
ABOUT HALF A p
148
00:06:50,209 --> 00:06:52,268
BUT THEY CAN GO AS HIGH
AS THREE p
149
00:06:52,311 --> 00:06:54,074
OR EVEN 3ｽ p FOR A CHAMPION.
150
00:06:54,113 --> 00:06:55,478
INFLATION, I'M AFRAID.
151
00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:58,109
WELL, I SHOULD THINK ONE
ABOUT 1ｽ p, PLEASE.
152
00:06:58,151 --> 00:06:59,675
AH, YES, WELL, YOU SHOULD GET
153
00:06:59,719 --> 00:07:02,153
A VERY SERVICEABLE LITTLE ANIMAL
FOR THAT, SIR.
154
00:07:02,188 --> 00:07:03,746
QUITE FRANKLY,
THE HALF-p ONES
155
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:05,223
ARE A BIT
ON THE MANGY SIDE.
156
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,692
WHAT LENGTH WAS SIR
THINKING OF?
157
00:07:07,727 --> 00:07:09,718
OH, MEDIUM?
158
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:12,822
MEDIUM, MEDIUM,
MEDIUM, MEDIUM...
159
00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:14,526
YES, HERE WE ARE.
160
00:07:16,035 --> 00:07:19,368
NOW, THAT ONE THERE
IS AN AYRSHIRE
161
00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:24,570
AND THAT ONE THERE IS A
KING GEORGE BITCH, I THINK.
162
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:27,841
AND THAT ONE KILLING
THE LITTLE FLITBAT
IS AN AFGHAN.
163
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,006
THAT'S A NICE ONE.
164
00:07:29,048 --> 00:07:31,107
LET'S SEE HOW YOU
GET ON WITH HIM, EH?
165
00:07:33,352 --> 00:07:34,649
AH, YES, HE LIKES YOU.
166
00:07:34,687 --> 00:07:35,745
HE'S TAKEN TO YOU.
167
00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:37,085
WHAT DO YOU FEED THEM ON?
168
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,147
UH, BLANCMANGE.
169
00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:39,055
BLANCMANGE?
170
00:07:39,091 --> 00:07:40,058
I'M SORRY.
171
00:07:40,092 --> 00:07:41,354
I DON'T KNOW WHY I SAID THAT.
172
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:42,759
NO, YOU DON'T FEED THEM AT ALL.
173
00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:44,763
WELL, WHAT DO THEY LIVE ON?
174
00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:45,889
THEY DON'T... THEY DIE.
175
00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:47,024
THEY DIE?
176
00:07:47,066 --> 00:07:48,556
WELL, OF COURSE
THEY DO
177
00:07:48,601 --> 00:07:49,932
IF YOU DON'T FEED THEM.
178
00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:51,766
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
179
00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:53,362
YOU LET THEM DIE,
THEN YOU BUY
ANOTHER ONE.
180
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:54,703
IT'S MUCH CHEAPER
THAN FEEDING THEM
181
00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:56,264
AND THAT WAY, YOU HAVE
A CONSTANT VARIETY
182
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:57,367
OF LITTLE COMPANIONS.
183
00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:58,707
THAT'S THE ADVANTAGE
OF OWNING AN ANT.
184
00:07:58,744 --> 00:07:59,938
RIGHT, WELL,
I'LL TAKE THIS ONE.
185
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:01,003
OH, DEAR,
I'VE DROPPED IT.
186
00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:02,912
NEVER MIND, HERE'S
ANOTHER ONE.
187
00:08:02,949 --> 00:08:04,974
IS THERE ANYTHING
ELSE I'LL NEED?
188
00:08:05,017 --> 00:08:07,178
YES, SIR, YOU'LL NEED
AN ANT HOUSE.
189
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:09,484
THIS IS THE MODEL
WE RECOMMEND, SIR.
190
00:08:12,625 --> 00:08:14,058
WON'T IT GET OUT
OF THERE?
191
00:08:14,093 --> 00:08:15,890
YES.
192
00:08:15,928 --> 00:08:17,862
WHAT'S THE POINT
OF HAVING THE CAGE?
193
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:21,656
WELL, NONE
AT ALL, REALLY.
194
00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:24,226
AND THEN SOME LITTLE
PIECES OF CAGE FURNITURE
195
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:26,067
WHICH WILL KEEP
HIM ENTERTAINED.
196
00:08:26,105 --> 00:08:28,300
THERE'S AN ANT WHEEL,
AND A LITTLE ANT SWING
197
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,775
AND HERE'S A VERY
NICE ONE HERE, A
LITTLE LADDER.
198
00:08:30,810 --> 00:08:32,710
HE CAN RUN UP THERE
AND RING THE BELL.
199
00:08:32,745 --> 00:08:34,144
THAT'S A TRICK
HE CAN LEARN.
200
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,647
WILL HE LIVE
LONG ENOUGH?
201
00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:37,649
NOT REALLY, NO, BUT
IT'S BEST TO HAVE ONE.
202
00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:41,244
AND HERE'S A TWO-WAY RADIO
HE CAN PLAY WITH
203
00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:44,381
AND THEN OF COURSE,
YOU'LL NEED THE BOOK.
204
00:08:44,423 --> 00:08:45,754
THE BOOK?
205
00:08:45,791 --> 00:08:48,783
YES, YES,
THE BOOK ON ANTS.
206
00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:50,261
I SEE.
207
00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:55,427
SO, SIR, THAT IS, IF I MAY
SAY SO, ｣1841ｽ p, SIR.
208
00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:57,459
WILL YOU TAKE A CHECK?
209
00:08:57,503 --> 00:08:59,937
YES, SIR, IF YOU
DON'T MIND LEAVING
A BLOOD SAMPLE
210
00:08:59,972 --> 00:09:02,998
AND A PIECE OF SKIN
OFF THE BACK OF THE
SCALP JUST HERE, SIR.
211
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:04,839
SORRY, JUST FOR
IDENTIFICATION.
212
00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:06,538
CAN'T BE
TOO CAREFUL.
213
00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:09,139
WELL, I THINK I'LL PUT IT
ON ACCOUNT.
214
00:09:09,181 --> 00:09:10,239
I SHOULD, SIR.
215
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:11,409
MUCH LESS PAINFUL.
216
00:09:11,450 --> 00:09:12,747
THERE WE ARE.
217
00:09:12,785 --> 00:09:15,117
ANYWAY, SIR, YOU
KNOW WHAT THEY SAY
ABOUT AN ANT...
218
00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:16,246
A FRIEND FOR LIFE, EH?
219
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,280
WELL, A FRIEND FOR
ITS LIFE, ANYWAY.
220
00:09:18,324 --> 00:09:21,088
NOW, THEN, HERE WE ARE.
221
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:23,152
HIS NAME IS MARCUS.
222
00:09:23,195 --> 00:09:25,129
RIGHT, IF THE LITTLE
CHAP SHOULD GO
223
00:09:25,164 --> 00:09:27,291
TO AN EARLY GRAVE,
SIR, GIVE US A RING
224
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:30,029
AND WE'LL STICK A FEW IN
AN ENVELOPE, ALL RIGHT?
225
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:31,331
THANKS VERY MUCH INDEED.
226
00:09:31,370 --> 00:09:33,031
NOT AT ALL,
THANK YOU, MR. ELLIS.
227
00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:34,039
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
228
00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:35,370
"THANK YOU, MR. ELLIS."
229
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,375
IT'S NOT HIM.
230
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,398
WHY DID YOU SAY "MR. ELLIS"?
231
00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:38,410
WHO?
232
00:09:38,444 --> 00:09:39,536
NO, HE DIDN'T
SAY THAT.
233
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,809
I HEARD HIM SAY,
"THANK YOU, MR. ELLIS."
234
00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:42,836
AH, NO, NO.
235
00:09:42,882 --> 00:09:44,645
HE SAID,
"I'M JEALOUS."
236
00:09:44,684 --> 00:09:45,673
WHAT?
237
00:09:45,718 --> 00:09:47,185
I'M JEALOUS
OF YOUR ANT.
238
00:09:47,219 --> 00:09:48,948
GOOD-BYE.
239
00:09:48,988 --> 00:09:50,114
BYE-BYE!
240
00:09:50,156 --> 00:09:51,817
I DON'T CARE
WHO MICHAEL ELLIS IS.
241
00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:53,825
PAPISM WILL BE
STAMPED OUT
242
00:09:53,859 --> 00:09:57,226
WITH THE IRON BOOT
OF PUNISHMENT AND
ENLIGHTENMENT.
243
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,527
EXCUSE ME, I WAS
IN THE ANT COUNTER AND...
244
00:09:59,565 --> 00:10:01,032
PAPISM WILL BE
STAMPED OUT
245
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:03,934
WITH THE IRON BOOT
OF PUNISHMENT AND
ENLIGHTENMENT.
246
00:10:03,970 --> 00:10:05,562
...THE LORD
HIMSELF WHO SAID
247
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,334
STAMP OUT
THE PAPIST SWINE.
248
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:27,651
Will Mr. Michael Ellis please go
249
00:10:27,693 --> 00:10:29,422
straight to
the manager's office.
250
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:32,863
I'll repeat that...
will Mr. Nigel Mellish
251
00:10:32,898 --> 00:10:36,561
please go straight
to the manager's office.
252
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:42,366
WHAT YOU GOT NOW?
253
00:10:42,408 --> 00:10:44,501
I BOUGHT AN ANT, MOTHER.
254
00:10:45,544 --> 00:10:47,171
WHAT DO YOU WANT
ONE OF THEM FOR?
255
00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:48,771
I'M NOT GOING
TO CLEAN IT OUT.
256
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:51,180
YOU SAID YOU'D
CLEAN THE TIGER
OUT, BUT DO YOU? NO.
257
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:53,208
SUPPOSE YOU'VE LOST
INTEREST IN IT NOW.
258
00:10:53,252 --> 00:10:57,484
NOW IT'LL BE ANT-ANT-ANT
FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS
259
00:10:57,523 --> 00:10:58,854
THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN
260
00:10:58,891 --> 00:11:00,722
"OH, MUM, I'VE BOUGHT
A SLOTH"
261
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:03,627
OR SOME OTHER ODD-TOED
UNGULATE LIKE A TAPIR.
262
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,790
NO, IT'S REALLY
DIFFERENT THIS TIME, MUM.
263
00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:07,958
I'M REALLY GOING TO
LOOK AFTER THIS ANT.
264
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,161
THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID
ABOUT THE SPERM WHALE.
265
00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:13,964
NOW YOUR PAPA'S HAVING
TO USE IT AS A GARAGE.
266
00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:15,803
WELL, YOU DIDN'T
FEED IT PROPERLY.
267
00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:17,331
WHERE ARE WE GOING TO GET
268
00:11:17,376 --> 00:11:19,708
44 TONS OF PLANKTON
FROM EVERY MORNING?
269
00:11:19,745 --> 00:11:21,838
YOUR PAPA WAS DEAD VEXED
ABOUT THAT.
270
00:11:21,881 --> 00:11:23,974
THEY THOUGHT HE WAS MAD
IN THE DELI.
271
00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:25,916
WELL, AT LEAST HE'S
GOT A FREE GARAGE.
272
00:11:25,951 --> 00:11:27,316
THAT'S NO GOOD TO HIM.
273
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:29,116
HIS HILLMAN SMELLS
ALL FISHY.
274
00:11:30,289 --> 00:11:32,314
OH, BLIMEY, THAT'S THE TIGER.
275
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,019
HE WANTS HIS MANDIES.
276
00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:36,528
ARE YOU GIVING
THAT TIGER DRUGS?
277
00:11:36,562 --> 00:11:38,496
'COURSE I'M GIVING IT DRUGS.
278
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:39,520
IT'S ILLEGAL.
279
00:11:39,565 --> 00:11:41,192
YOU TRY TELLING THAT
TO THE TIGER.
280
00:11:41,233 --> 00:11:43,292
WELL, I THINK
IT'S DANGEROUS.
281
00:11:43,335 --> 00:11:45,064
LISTEN, BEFORE
HE STARTED FIXING
282
00:11:45,104 --> 00:11:48,335
HE USED TO GET THROUGH FOUR
JEHOVAH WITNESSES A DAY.
283
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:51,343
AND HE USED TO EAT ALL OF THEM,
EXCEPT THE PAMPHLETS.
284
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:52,366
WELL, HE'S NOT DIM.
285
00:11:53,579 --> 00:11:54,841
ALL RIGHT!
286
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,313
I'M GOING
TO WATCH TV.
287
00:11:56,348 --> 00:11:57,406
COME ON, MARCUS.
288
00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:59,315
MICHAEL'S BEEN ON THE PHONE
289
00:11:59,351 --> 00:12:00,443
ALL DAY FOR YOU.
290
00:12:00,486 --> 00:12:01,612
MICHAEL?
291
00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:04,316
YEAH, YOU KNOW, MICHAEL...
MICHAEL!
292
00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:05,482
MICHAEL ELLIS.
293
00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:07,458
YEAH, HE'S BEEN
ON THE PHONE ALL DAY.
294
00:12:07,493 --> 00:12:08,551
HE CAME ROUND TWICE.
295
00:12:08,594 --> 00:12:09,822
WHAT DOES
HE LOOK LIKE?
296
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:11,329
OH, I DIDN'T
SEE HIM.
297
00:12:11,363 --> 00:12:13,524
THE ORANGE-RUMPED AGOUTI
ANSWERED THE DOOR.
298
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,659
ONLY USEFUL ANIMAL
YOU EVER BOUGHT, THAT.
299
00:12:15,701 --> 00:12:16,725
WHERE IS HE NOW?
300
00:12:16,769 --> 00:12:18,760
HE'S UPSTAIRS FORGING
PRESCRIPTIONS
301
00:12:18,804 --> 00:12:20,101
FOR THE SODDING TIGER.
302
00:12:20,139 --> 00:12:22,664
NO, NO, WHERE IS
MICHAEL ELLIS NOW?
303
00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:23,732
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
304
00:12:23,776 --> 00:12:25,903
HE SAID IT WASN'T
IMPORTANT, ANYWAY.
305
00:12:25,945 --> 00:12:27,173
ALL RIGHT, HERE I COME.
306
00:12:29,148 --> 00:12:31,048
UM...
307
00:12:43,729 --> 00:12:44,821
Hello, and welcome
308
00:12:44,864 --> 00:12:46,729
to The University
of the Air.
309
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,165
And first
this afternoon
310
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:49,462
part 17
of our series
311
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:50,992
on animal
communications.
312
00:12:51,036 --> 00:12:53,664
This afternoon, we look
at recent discoveries
313
00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:56,504
in the field of
intraspecific
signaling codes
314
00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:57,975
in the family
formicidae.
315
00:12:58,010 --> 00:12:59,739
OOH, THAT'S
A STROKE OF LUCK, MARCUS.
316
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,747
TURN THAT
BLOODY THING OFF!
317
00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:10,874
We interrupt
this program
318
00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:12,178
to bring you
the latest news
319
00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:14,049
of the extraordinary
Michael Ellis saga.
320
00:14:14,086 --> 00:14:15,417
Apparently Michael Ellis...
321
00:14:15,454 --> 00:14:17,183
HEY, I WAS WATCHING THAT!
322
00:14:17,223 --> 00:14:18,190
BLOODY THING.
323
00:14:18,224 --> 00:14:19,316
IT'S UPSETTING
THE TIGER.
324
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:21,724
OH, CHRIST.
325
00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:31,132
...ND OF THE ANNOUNCEMENT.
326
00:14:33,339 --> 00:14:35,671
AND NOW BACK TO
UNIVERSITY OF THE AIR
327
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,438
AND OUR SERIES FOR ADVANCED
MEDICAL STUDENTS
328
00:14:38,477 --> 00:14:41,207
ELEMENTS OF SURGICAL
HOMEOPATHIC PRACTICE.
329
00:14:41,247 --> 00:14:43,044
PART 68, "ANTS."
330
00:14:43,082 --> 00:14:44,982
AH! WE'RE IN LUCK AGAIN, MARCUS.
331
00:14:49,021 --> 00:14:50,682
Hello, formicidophiles.
332
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:54,284
Well, before all the blood
and guts you're waiting to see
333
00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:57,489
let's have a look at the anatomy
of the little ant.
334
00:14:57,529 --> 00:15:02,489
The body of the ant is divided
into three sections...
335
00:15:02,534 --> 00:15:05,162
the head, the thorax
and the abdomen.
336
00:15:05,204 --> 00:15:08,469
They are enclosed in
a hard armorlike covering
337
00:15:08,507 --> 00:15:10,372
called the exoskeleton
338
00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:14,846
which provides some protection
from other nasty little insects
339
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:18,680
but, unfortunately, not
from the dissector's scalpel.
340
00:15:18,717 --> 00:15:20,082
See, nothing to it.
341
00:15:20,119 --> 00:15:21,552
He's not such a toughie.
342
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:22,986
And his legs...
343
00:15:23,022 --> 00:15:26,116
they help him carry
hundreds of times his own weight
344
00:15:26,158 --> 00:15:27,682
but look at this.
345
00:15:27,726 --> 00:15:29,990
You're not so strong
compared with me.
346
00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:31,656
Four, five, six... Ha!
347
00:15:31,697 --> 00:15:33,995
I DIDN'T KNOW ANTS HAD
SIX LEGS, MARCUS.
348
00:15:34,033 --> 00:15:37,161
I assure you,
they do, Mr. Ellis.
349
00:15:37,202 --> 00:15:39,602
HEY, YOU'VE GOT
TWO LEGS MISSING.
350
00:15:39,638 --> 00:15:42,106
AND THAT'S A FALSE FEELER,
MARCUS.
351
00:15:42,141 --> 00:15:43,904
BLIMEY!
352
00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:51,348
I'M TAKING THIS ANT
BACK, MOTHER.
353
00:15:51,383 --> 00:15:52,850
IT'S GOT TWO LEGS
MISSING.
354
00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:54,716
MRS. McWONG'S BEEN
ON THE PHONE.
355
00:15:54,753 --> 00:15:57,221
THE POLAR BEAR'S BEEN
IN HER GARDEN AGAIN.
356
00:15:57,256 --> 00:15:59,622
WELL, I'LL GET IT
ON THE WAY BACK
FROM THE STORE.
357
00:15:59,658 --> 00:16:00,955
WELL, MIND YOU DO.
358
00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:02,324
HIS DROPPINGS
ARE ENORMOUS.
359
00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:04,124
OH, AND BY THE WAY,
WHILE YOU'RE OUT
360
00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:06,358
GET US ANOTHER COUPLE
OF TELLIES, WOULD YOU?
361
00:16:06,398 --> 00:16:07,660
HERE'S 180 QUID.
362
00:16:22,381 --> 00:16:23,848
SECOND FLOOR.
363
00:16:23,882 --> 00:16:27,682
STATIONERY, LEATHER GOODS,
NASAL IN JURIES
364
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:32,555
CRICKET BATS, FILM STARS,
DOLPHINARIUMS.
365
00:16:42,401 --> 00:16:44,198
THIRD FLOOR.
366
00:16:44,236 --> 00:16:48,195
COSMETICS, BOOKS,
IRISH MASSAGE
367
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:51,038
TRIBAL HEADGEAR, ANTS
368
00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:53,442
BUT NOT COMPLAINTS
ABOUT ANTS.
369
00:16:53,479 --> 00:16:55,879
OH, WHERE DO I GO
TO COMPLAIN?
370
00:16:55,914 --> 00:16:59,714
STRAIGHT ON, THEN LEFT,
THEN RIGHT PAST THE THING
371
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,720
THEN UP THE LITTLE STAIRS
372
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:05,053
THEN RIGHT PAST THE BIT
WHERE IT'S GONE ALL SOFT
373
00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:09,049
THEN DOWN THE WOBBLY BIT,
LEFT PAST THE NAIL
374
00:17:09,094 --> 00:17:12,461
PAST THE BROWN STAIN
ON THE WALL TO YOUR RIGHT
375
00:17:12,498 --> 00:17:14,728
AND IT'S THE DOOR
MARKED "EXIT"
376
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:17,167
STRAIGHT AHEAD OF YOU
ON THE LEFT.
377
00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:18,533
THANK YOU.
378
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,332
FOURTH FLOOR.
379
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:23,307
KIDDIES' VASECTOMIES...
380
00:17:23,342 --> 00:17:24,832
I DON'T WANT YOU.
381
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:27,368
OH, SOMETHING WRONG WITH
YOUR LITTLE ANT FRIEND?
382
00:17:27,413 --> 00:17:28,937
NO, I'M NOT GOING
TO TELL YOU.
383
00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:31,108
OH, SOMETHING MISSING
IN THE LEG DEPARTMENT?
384
00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:32,117
NO.
385
00:17:32,151 --> 00:17:33,550
YES, SIR, CAN I
HELP YOU, SIR?
386
00:17:33,585 --> 00:17:34,552
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
387
00:17:34,586 --> 00:17:35,746
IT'S ALL RIGHT, SIR.
388
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:37,585
IT'S FOR THE SACK RACE
LATER ON, SIR.
389
00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:40,114
NO, NO, NO, I WANT TO SPEAK
TO THE GENERAL MANAGER.
390
00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:41,387
I WANT TO COMPLAIN.
391
00:17:41,427 --> 00:17:43,759
OH, YOU WANT THE TOUPEE HALL,
IN THAT CASE, SIR.
392
00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:44,854
THE WHAT?
393
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,228
THE TOUPEE HALL,
MR. ELLIS.
394
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:51,092
EXCUSE ME,
COULD YOU TELL ME
395
00:17:51,136 --> 00:17:53,036
THE WAY TO
THE TOUPEE HALL, PLEASE?
396
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:54,061
SORRY?
397
00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:55,198
THE TOUPEE HALL.
398
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,208
THE WHAT?!
399
00:17:57,242 --> 00:17:59,176
THE TOUPEE HALL.
400
00:17:59,211 --> 00:18:01,543
OH, THE TOUPEE HALL.
401
00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:04,549
GLADYS, WHERE ARE
TOUPEES NOW?
402
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:05,982
TOUPEES?
403
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:07,315
MM, THIS GENTLEMAN
WANTS ONE.
404
00:18:07,352 --> 00:18:08,319
A TOUPEE?
405
00:18:08,353 --> 00:18:09,217
MM.
406
00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:10,448
WELL, NO, ACTUALLY...
407
00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:12,753
OH, I THINK
THEY'RE IN SURGICAL
APPLIANCES NOW.
408
00:18:12,791 --> 00:18:14,281
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
409
00:18:14,326 --> 00:18:16,886
YES, YOU GO LEFT
AT ARTIFICIAL LIMBS
AND HEARING AIDS
410
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,055
RIGHT AT DENTURES
411
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,122
AND IT'S ON YOUR LEFT
JUST BY GLASS EYES.
412
00:18:20,165 --> 00:18:22,759
IT DOESN'T SAY TOUPEES TO
AVOID EMBARRASSING PEOPLE
413
00:18:22,801 --> 00:18:23,995
BUT YOU CAN SMELL THEM.
414
00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:25,196
THANK YOU.
415
00:18:29,708 --> 00:18:31,175
YOU CAN SEE THE JOIN.
416
00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:33,007
YES, YOU CAN.
417
00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:36,606
GOOD AFTERNOON,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
418
00:18:36,648 --> 00:18:41,449
IT'S SO NICE TO SEE SUCH
A LARGE TURNOUT THIS AFTERNOON.
419
00:18:41,487 --> 00:18:43,352
AND I'D LIKE TO START OFF
420
00:18:43,388 --> 00:18:47,119
BY WELCOMING OUR GUEST SPEAKERS
FOR THIS AFTERNOON
421
00:18:47,159 --> 00:18:48,285
MR. WADSWORTH...
422
00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:49,589
WORDSWORTH.
423
00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:51,459
SORRY, WORDSWORTH.
424
00:18:51,497 --> 00:18:54,398
MR. JOHN KOOTS
425
00:18:54,433 --> 00:18:55,764
AND PERCY BYSSHE.
426
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:56,733
SHELLEY.
427
00:18:56,768 --> 00:18:58,633
JUST A LITTLE ONE,
MEDIUM DRY.
428
00:19:00,339 --> 00:19:01,670
AND ALFRED LORDE.
429
00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:02,674
TENNYSON.
430
00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:03,902
TENNISBALL.
431
00:19:03,942 --> 00:19:04,636
SON.
432
00:19:04,676 --> 00:19:06,576
SORRY, ALFRED LORD
433
00:19:06,612 --> 00:19:09,809
WHO IS EVIDENTLY
LORD TENNISBALL'S SON.
434
00:19:09,848 --> 00:19:11,406
AND TO START OFF
435
00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:14,817
I'M GOING TO ASK MR. WADSWROTH
TO RECITE HIS LATEST OFFERING
436
00:19:14,853 --> 00:19:20,257
A LITTLE PRAM ENTITLED
"I WANDERED LONELY AS A CRAB"
437
00:19:20,292 --> 00:19:22,783
AND IT'S ALL ABOUT ANTS.
438
00:19:24,263 --> 00:19:27,198
I WANDERED LONELY AS A CLOUD...
439
00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:28,199
OH!
440
00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:29,757
THAT FLOATS ON HIGH
441
00:19:29,801 --> 00:19:31,428
O'ER VALES AND HILLS
442
00:19:31,470 --> 00:19:34,268
WHEN ALL AT ONCE,
I SAW A CROWD
443
00:19:34,306 --> 00:19:37,434
A HOST OF GOLDEN WORKER ANTS.
444
00:19:44,816 --> 00:19:47,614
THANK YOU, THANK YOU,
MR. BRADLAUGH.
445
00:19:47,653 --> 00:19:49,052
NOW, MR. BYSSHE...
446
00:19:49,087 --> 00:19:49,883
SHELLEY.
447
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,150
OH!
448
00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:55,790
IS GOING TO READ ONE
OF HIS LATEST PSALMS
449
00:19:55,827 --> 00:19:58,295
ENTITLED "ODE TO A CRAB."
450
00:19:59,831 --> 00:20:02,425
WELL, IT'S NOT
ABOUT CRABS, ACTUALLY.
451
00:20:02,467 --> 00:20:04,196
IT'S CALLED
"OZYMANDIAS."
452
00:20:04,236 --> 00:20:06,966
IT'S NOT AN ODE.
453
00:20:07,005 --> 00:20:09,974
I MET A TRAVELER
IN AN ANTIQUE LAND
454
00:20:10,008 --> 00:20:13,136
WHO SAID "SIX VAST
AND TRUNKLESS LEGS OF STONE
455
00:20:13,178 --> 00:20:15,339
"STAND IN THE DESERT.
456
00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:18,247
"AND ON THE PEDESTAL,
THESE WORDS APPEAR...
457
00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:21,616
"'MY NAME IS OZYMANDIAS,
KING OF ANTS.
458
00:20:21,653 --> 00:20:24,019
"'LOOK ON
MY FEELERS, TERMITES
459
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,422
"'AND DESPAIR
460
00:20:26,458 --> 00:20:28,983
"'I AM THE BIGGEST ANT
YOU'LL EVER SEE.
461
00:20:29,027 --> 00:20:33,487
"'THE ANTS OF OLD
WEREN'T HALF AS BOLD
462
00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:36,660
AND BIG AND
FIERCE AS ME.'"
463
00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:44,943
THANK YOU.
464
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:47,445
THANK YOU, MR. AMONTILLADO.
465
00:20:47,479 --> 00:20:50,607
I'D LIKE TO ASK ONE
OR TWO OF YOU AT THE BACK
466
00:20:50,649 --> 00:20:52,549
NOT TO SOIL THE CARPET.
467
00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:57,112
THERE IS A RESTROOM UPSTAIRS IF
YOU FIND THE POEMS TOO EXCITING.
468
00:20:59,324 --> 00:21:01,121
GOOD AFTERNOON.
469
00:21:01,159 --> 00:21:06,290
NEXT, MR. DENNIS KEAT
WILL RECITE HIS LATEST PROBLEM
470
00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:08,424
"ODE TO A GLASS OF SHERRY."
471
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:13,404
MY HEART ACHES
472
00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:16,407
AND A DROWSY
NUMBNESS PAINS
MY SENSES
473
00:21:16,441 --> 00:21:17,772
AS THOUGH
AN ANTEATER
I'D SEEN...
474
00:21:19,177 --> 00:21:20,906
A NASTY LONG-NOSED BRUTE...
475
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:23,176
WITH FURRY LEGS
AND STICKY DARTING
TONGUE.
476
00:21:23,215 --> 00:21:25,115
I SEEM TO FEEL ITS CRUEL JAWS
477
00:21:25,150 --> 00:21:27,311
CRUNCH! CRUNCH! THERE GO MY LEGS
478
00:21:27,352 --> 00:21:29,149
SNAP! SNAP! MY THORAX, TOO.
479
00:21:29,187 --> 00:21:32,020
MY HEAD'S IN A TWAIN,
THERE GOES MY BRAIN
480
00:21:32,057 --> 00:21:33,684
SWALLOW, SWALLOW...
481
00:21:33,725 --> 00:21:35,215
IT'S TRUE,
DON'T YOU SEE?
482
00:21:35,260 --> 00:21:36,693
IT'S TRUE.
483
00:21:36,728 --> 00:21:38,195
IT HAPPENS, IT HAPPENS.
484
00:21:38,230 --> 00:21:39,356
PLEASE.
485
00:21:39,398 --> 00:21:40,797
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
486
00:21:40,832 --> 00:21:42,993
I DO APOLOGIZE FOR THAT LAST...
487
00:21:43,035 --> 00:21:45,401
WELL, I HESITATE TO CALL IT
A PRAM.
488
00:21:45,437 --> 00:21:47,268
BUT I HAD NO IDEA.
489
00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:48,967
AND TALKING OF FILTH
490
00:21:49,007 --> 00:21:51,669
I HAVE ASKED YOU ONCE
ABOUT THE CARPET.
491
00:21:51,710 --> 00:21:53,371
NOW, I DO APPRECIATE
492
00:21:53,412 --> 00:21:56,870
THAT LAST POEM WAS
VERY FRIGHTENING, BUT PLEASE...
493
00:21:56,915 --> 00:22:00,874
NOW, BEFORE WE MOVE ON
TO TEA AND PRAMWICHES
494
00:22:00,919 --> 00:22:04,377
I WOULD LIKE TO ASK
ARTHUR LORD TENNISCOURT
495
00:22:04,423 --> 00:22:07,051
TO GIVE US
HIS LATEST LITTLE PLUM
496
00:22:07,092 --> 00:22:10,493
ENTITLED "THE CHARGE
OF THE ANT BRIGADE."
497
00:22:10,529 --> 00:22:11,723
HALF AN INCH...
498
00:22:13,598 --> 00:22:14,895
HALF AN INCH...
499
00:22:14,933 --> 00:22:16,764
THE QUEEN,
THE QUEEN.
500
00:22:22,874 --> 00:22:26,173
MY LOYAL SUBJECTS,
WE ARE HERE TODAY
501
00:22:26,211 --> 00:22:29,078
ON A MATTER OF
NATIONAL IMPORT.
502
00:22:29,114 --> 00:22:32,606
MY LATE HUSBAND AND WE
ARE INCREASINGLY DISTURBED
503
00:22:32,651 --> 00:22:35,518
BY RECENT DEVELOPMENTS
IN LITERARY STYLE
504
00:22:35,554 --> 00:22:39,354
VICH HAVE TAKEN PLACE
HERE IN GERMANY... ER, ENGLAND.
505
00:22:39,391 --> 00:22:42,360
THERE SEEMS TO BE AN INCREASING
TENDENCY FOR ZE ENT...
506
00:22:42,394 --> 00:22:45,363
THE ENT... THE ANT
507
00:22:45,397 --> 00:22:46,921
TO BECOME THE DOMINANT...
508
00:22:46,965 --> 00:22:48,865
WAS IS DER DEUTSCHES
ENTWICKLUNGSBUND...
509
00:22:48,900 --> 00:22:49,958
THEME.
510
00:22:50,001 --> 00:22:51,525
THEME OF MODERN POETRY
HERE IN GERMANY.
511
00:22:51,570 --> 00:22:54,198
WE ARE NOT... AMUSIERT?
512
00:22:54,239 --> 00:22:55,433
ENTERTAINED.
513
00:22:55,474 --> 00:22:56,771
ENTERTAINED.
514
00:22:56,808 --> 00:22:58,776
FROM NOW ON,
ANTS IS VERBOTEN.
515
00:22:58,810 --> 00:23:01,870
INSTEAD, IT'S SKYLARKS,
DAFFODILS, NIGHTINGALES
516
00:23:01,913 --> 00:23:03,642
LIGHT BRIGADES AND...
517
00:23:05,083 --> 00:23:07,551
WAS IST DAS
SHCRECKLICHE GEPONG?
518
00:23:09,921 --> 00:23:12,719
ES SCHMECKE WIE
EIN SCHEISSHAUS
519
00:23:12,758 --> 00:23:14,282
UND SO WEITER.
520
00:23:14,326 --> 00:23:15,816
WELL, WE MUST AWAY NOW
521
00:23:15,861 --> 00:23:18,022
OR WE SHALL BE LATE
FOR THE RACES.
522
00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:19,496
GOD BLESS YOU, ALLES.
523
00:23:27,372 --> 00:23:29,340
PSST.
524
00:23:29,374 --> 00:23:33,708
ELECTRIC KETTLES
OVER HERE, SIR.
525
00:23:35,714 --> 00:23:36,908
DON'T WORRY, SIR.
526
00:23:36,948 --> 00:23:38,438
YOU'RE AMONGST
FRIENDS NOW, SIR.
527
00:23:38,483 --> 00:23:39,882
MR. BRADFORD,
MR. CRAWLEY.
528
00:23:39,918 --> 00:23:41,783
THESE ARE OUR
FITTERS, SIR.
529
00:23:41,820 --> 00:23:44,789
WE'VE HAD A LOT
OF EXPERIENCE
IN THIS FIELD
530
00:23:44,823 --> 00:23:46,518
AND WE DO
PRIDE OURSELVES
531
00:23:46,558 --> 00:23:50,358
WE OFFER THE BEST
AND MOST DISCREET
SERVICE AVAILABLE.
532
00:23:50,395 --> 00:23:51,521
I DON'T KNOW
533
00:23:51,563 --> 00:23:53,053
WHETHER YOU
BELIEVE THIS,
SIR
534
00:23:53,098 --> 00:23:54,861
BUT ONE OF US IS
ACTUALLY WEARING
535
00:23:54,900 --> 00:23:56,197
A TOUPEE AT
THIS MOMENT.
536
00:23:58,069 --> 00:23:59,559
WELL, YOU ALL ARE,
AREN'T YOU?
537
00:24:02,908 --> 00:24:04,034
HAVE YOU GOT ONE?
538
00:24:04,075 --> 00:24:05,440
NO, I THOUGHT YOU...
539
00:24:05,477 --> 00:24:06,637
I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU TWO...
540
00:24:06,678 --> 00:24:08,339
I THOUGHT
IT WAS ME.
I THOUGHT IT WAS ME.
541
00:24:08,380 --> 00:24:09,506
SO DID I.
542
00:24:09,548 --> 00:24:10,776
THAT IS GOOD.
543
00:24:12,217 --> 00:24:13,707
ACTUALLY, I ONLY CAME IN HERE
544
00:24:13,752 --> 00:24:15,720
TO ASK WHERE
THE MANAGER'S OFFICE WAS.
545
00:24:15,754 --> 00:24:16,778
JUST A MINUTE.
546
00:24:16,822 --> 00:24:18,312
SOMEONE TOLD YOU
WE ALL HAD TOUPEES?
547
00:24:18,356 --> 00:24:19,323
NO.
548
00:24:19,357 --> 00:24:20,324
OH, YEAH?
549
00:24:20,358 --> 00:24:21,518
HOW DID YOU KNOW?
550
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:23,425
WELL, IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS,
ISN'T IT?
551
00:24:23,462 --> 00:24:25,225
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
OBVIOUS?
552
00:24:25,263 --> 00:24:27,231
HIS IS
UNDETECTABLE.
553
00:24:27,265 --> 00:24:30,132
WELL, IT'S A
DIFFERENT COLOR,
FOR A START.
554
00:24:30,168 --> 00:24:31,294
IS IT?
555
00:24:31,336 --> 00:24:32,564
OF COURSE, IT ISN'T.
556
00:24:32,604 --> 00:24:33,866
IT DOESN'T FIT IN
WITH THE REST
OF HIS HAIR.
557
00:24:33,905 --> 00:24:34,963
IT SORT OF
STICKS UP IN
THE MIDDLE.
558
00:24:35,006 --> 00:24:36,405
WELL, IT'S BETTER
THAN YOURS.
559
00:24:36,441 --> 00:24:37,408
YES.
560
00:24:37,442 --> 00:24:38,466
I'M NOT
WEARING
ONE.
561
00:24:39,811 --> 00:24:41,278
WHY DID YOU COME
IN HERE THEN?
562
00:24:41,313 --> 00:24:43,440
THEY TOLD ME TO FIND
THE MANAGER'S OFFICE HERE.
563
00:24:43,482 --> 00:24:44,813
OH, NO, NOT AGAIN.
564
00:24:44,850 --> 00:24:46,909
THAT'S A BIT LAME,
ISN'T IT?
565
00:24:46,952 --> 00:24:47,884
IT'S THE TRUTH.
566
00:24:47,919 --> 00:24:50,149
MANAGER'S OFFICE?
567
00:24:50,188 --> 00:24:51,849
WHERE'D YOU
GET THAT, EH?
568
00:24:51,890 --> 00:24:53,152
MAC FISHERIES?
569
00:24:53,191 --> 00:24:54,317
DREADFUL,
ISN'T IT?
570
00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:55,417
NYLON?
571
00:24:55,460 --> 00:24:57,155
IT'S NOT, IT'S REAL, LOOK.
572
00:24:57,195 --> 00:24:58,253
YEAH, ANYONE
CAN DO THAT.
573
00:25:00,165 --> 00:25:01,427
COME ON, GET IT OFF.
574
00:25:01,466 --> 00:25:03,093
LOOK, DO YOU WANT
A PROPER ONE?
575
00:25:03,134 --> 00:25:04,158
NO, I DON'T
NEED ONE.
576
00:25:04,202 --> 00:25:05,760
THERE'S NO NEED
TO BE ASHAMED.
577
00:25:05,804 --> 00:25:07,169
LOOK, WE'VE ALL OWNED UP.
578
00:25:07,205 --> 00:25:08,638
I'M NOT WEARING ONE.
579
00:25:08,673 --> 00:25:10,664
DON'T YOU SEE,
THIS IS SOMETHING
580
00:25:10,709 --> 00:25:12,768
YOU'VE GOT TO COME
TO TERMS WITH.
581
00:25:12,811 --> 00:25:14,005
I AM NOT WEARING A TOUPEE.
582
00:25:14,045 --> 00:25:15,512
THEY JUST TOLD ME
TO COME IN HERE
583
00:25:15,547 --> 00:25:18,038
TO FIND THE MANAGER'S OFFICE
TO COMPLAIN ABOUT MY ANT.
584
00:25:18,083 --> 00:25:19,846
COMPLAIN ABOUT
AN ANT?
585
00:25:19,885 --> 00:25:22,513
LOOK, THIS IS
FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
586
00:25:26,391 --> 00:25:29,224
ALL RIGHT,
TAKE A SEAT.
587
00:25:29,261 --> 00:25:31,593
YOU SEE, IT OUGHT
TO HAVE A SAFETY CATCH.
588
00:25:31,630 --> 00:25:33,359
I MEAN...
589
00:25:33,398 --> 00:25:34,626
OOH!
590
00:25:34,666 --> 00:25:36,896
I MEAN, WHAT IF THIS FELL
INTO THE WRONG HANDS?
591
00:25:36,935 --> 00:25:38,027
YES, MADAM,
I'LL SPEAK
592
00:25:38,069 --> 00:25:39,866
TO THE MAKERS
PERSONALLY,
ALL RIGHT?
593
00:25:39,905 --> 00:25:41,532
OH, WOULD YOU?
594
00:25:41,573 --> 00:25:43,734
IT WOULD PUT MY MIND
AT EASE.
595
00:25:47,579 --> 00:25:49,308
SORRY, OH, SORRY.
596
00:25:49,347 --> 00:25:51,281
NEXT.
597
00:25:51,316 --> 00:25:53,716
HE'S STILL
MOLESTING HER.
598
00:25:53,752 --> 00:25:56,550
YES, YES,
I'LL SEE YOU IN
A MOMENT, SIR.
599
00:25:56,588 --> 00:25:58,180
I'VE GOT A COMPLAINT TO MAKE.
600
00:25:58,223 --> 00:25:59,281
AH, TAKE A SEAT.
601
00:25:59,324 --> 00:26:00,552
I'M SORRY
IT'S ON FIRE.
602
00:26:00,592 --> 00:26:01,616
OH, NOT AT ALL.
603
00:26:01,660 --> 00:26:02,888
I GOT USED TO THIS
OUT EAST.
604
00:26:02,928 --> 00:26:04,759
AH, WHERE WERE YOU OUT EAST?
605
00:26:04,796 --> 00:26:07,560
OH, NORWAY, SWEDEN,
PLACES LIKE THAT.
606
00:26:07,599 --> 00:26:09,260
OH, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.
607
00:26:09,301 --> 00:26:11,735
MY SUIT SEEMS
TO BE CATCHING FIRE.
608
00:26:11,770 --> 00:26:13,032
EXTINGUISHER?
609
00:26:13,071 --> 00:26:14,231
OH, NO, THANK YOU.
610
00:26:14,272 --> 00:26:16,399
I THINK WE'D BETTER
LET IT RUN ITS COURSE.
611
00:26:16,441 --> 00:26:17,669
I WAS JUST THINKING
612
00:26:17,709 --> 00:26:19,438
NORWAY IS NOT
VERY EAST, IS IT?
613
00:26:19,477 --> 00:26:22,105
NO, I SHOULD HAVE SAID,
"WHEN I WAS OUT NORTH."
614
00:26:22,147 --> 00:26:24,172
YES, ARE THERE
MANY FIRES IN NORWAY?
615
00:26:24,215 --> 00:26:25,580
OH, GOOD LORD, YES.
616
00:26:25,617 --> 00:26:27,380
THE PLACE IS
A CONSTANT BLAZE.
617
00:26:27,419 --> 00:26:29,011
WOODEN BUILDINGS,
YOU KNOW.
618
00:26:29,054 --> 00:26:30,351
OH, YES.
619
00:26:30,388 --> 00:26:31,980
I LOST MY WIFE
IN NORWAY.
620
00:26:32,023 --> 00:26:33,251
OH, I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT.
621
00:26:33,291 --> 00:26:34,258
WHY, DID YOU KNOW HER?
622
00:26:34,292 --> 00:26:35,657
NO, NO, I DON'T...
623
00:26:35,694 --> 00:26:37,491
NO, SHE WASN'T
A FAVORITE OF MINE.
624
00:26:37,529 --> 00:26:40,157
NO, WE WERE OUT STROLLING
ACROSS A FJORD ONE DAY
625
00:26:40,198 --> 00:26:43,326
WHEN ONE OF THE LOCAL MATADORS
CAME OUT OF HIS TREE HOUSE
626
00:26:43,368 --> 00:26:47,395
AND FLUNG A LOAD
OF OLD SCIMITARS
AND GUILLOTINES OUT
627
00:26:47,439 --> 00:26:49,464
THAT HE'D GOT CLUTTERING UP
HIS WINE CELLAR
628
00:26:49,507 --> 00:26:51,873
AND APPARENTLY, RATHER
A LARGE PROPORTION OF THEM
629
00:26:51,910 --> 00:26:53,104
LANDED ON MY WIFE
630
00:26:53,144 --> 00:26:55,374
CAUSING HER TO SNUFF IT
WITHOUT MUCH MORE ADO.
631
00:26:55,413 --> 00:26:56,380
YES, YES.
632
00:26:56,414 --> 00:26:57,381
WELL, LOOK...
633
00:26:58,917 --> 00:27:01,249
Here is an important
announcement
634
00:27:01,286 --> 00:27:02,617
about Michael Ellis.
635
00:27:02,654 --> 00:27:04,554
It is now the end
of "Michael Ellis" week.
636
00:27:04,589 --> 00:27:06,648
From now on,
it is "Chris Quinn" week.
637
00:27:06,691 --> 00:27:08,124
WHAT A ROTTEN ENDING.
638
00:27:08,159 --> 00:27:10,127
WELL, IT IS ONE
OF OUR CHEAPEST, SIR.
639
00:27:10,161 --> 00:27:11,526
WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU GOT?
640
00:27:11,563 --> 00:27:14,054
WELL, THERE'S
THE LONG, SLOW PULLOUT, SIR
641
00:27:14,099 --> 00:27:17,364
YOU KNOW, THE CAMERA TRACKS
BACK AND BACK AND MIXES...
642
00:27:18,503 --> 00:27:19,527
NO, NO, NO.
643
00:27:19,571 --> 00:27:21,129
HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING
MORE EXCITING?
644
00:27:21,172 --> 00:27:22,332
WELL, HOW ABOUT
A CHASE?
645
00:27:22,374 --> 00:27:23,898
THERE HE IS!
646
00:27:28,647 --> 00:27:30,308
OH, NO, NO.
647
00:27:30,348 --> 00:27:31,713
WALKING INTO THE SUNSET?
648
00:27:31,750 --> 00:27:33,183
WHAT'S THAT ONE?
649
00:27:33,218 --> 00:27:36,085
YOU KNOW, TWO LONE
FIGURES SILHOUETTED
650
00:27:36,121 --> 00:27:39,318
AGAINST THE DYING RAYS
OF THE SETTING SUN.
651
00:27:39,357 --> 00:27:40,984
THE MUSIC SWELLS
652
00:27:41,026 --> 00:27:43,460
AND YOU'VE GOT A LUMP
IN YOUR THROAT
653
00:27:43,495 --> 00:27:45,087
AND A TEAR IN YOUR EYE.
654
00:27:45,130 --> 00:27:46,358
OH, NO.
655
00:27:46,398 --> 00:27:47,956
PITY, I RATHER LIKE THAT ONE.
656
00:27:47,999 --> 00:27:49,728
NO, THEY'RE ALL A BIT
OFF THE POINT, YOU SEE.
657
00:27:49,768 --> 00:27:51,030
WELL, THERE IS ONE
658
00:27:51,069 --> 00:27:53,367
THAT TIES UP THE WHOLE
MICHAEL ELLIS THING, BUT...
659
00:27:53,405 --> 00:27:54,429
BUT WHAT?
660
00:27:54,472 --> 00:27:55,700
OH, NO, NOTHING, NOTHING.
661
00:27:55,740 --> 00:27:56,729
LOOK, WHO IS THIS MICHAEL ELLIS?
662
00:27:56,775 --> 00:27:58,402
HOW ABOUT A HAPPY ENDING, SIR?
663
00:27:58,443 --> 00:28:00,206
CHRIS, THANK GOD
YOU'RE SAFE.
664
00:28:00,245 --> 00:28:02,213
NO, YOU WOULDN'T WANT THAT,
WOULD YOU?
665
00:28:02,247 --> 00:28:03,874
WHY WOULDN'T I WANT THAT?
666
00:28:03,915 --> 00:28:05,644
WHAT ABOUT SUMMING UP
FROM THE PANEL?
667
00:28:05,684 --> 00:28:06,810
THAT'S CHEAP.
668
00:28:06,851 --> 00:28:07,818
WHAT?
669
00:28:07,852 --> 00:28:09,342
YOU KNOW, THE BIG MATCH EXPERTS.
670
00:28:09,387 --> 00:28:11,514
YES, THAT WAS QUITE
A GOOD SHOW, YOU KNOW.
671
00:28:13,058 --> 00:28:15,288
I THINK THAT THE
MICHAEL ELLIS CHARACTER
672
00:28:15,326 --> 00:28:16,850
WAS A LITTLE OVERDONE.
673
00:28:16,895 --> 00:28:19,796
WELL, I DON'T AGREE
WITH THAT, MALCOLM.
674
00:28:19,831 --> 00:28:22,823
QUITE FRANKLY,
THE ONLY BIT I LIKED WAS
675
00:28:22,867 --> 00:28:24,892
THIS BIT WITH ME
IN IT NOW.
676
00:28:24,936 --> 00:28:27,302
NO? SLOW FADE?
677
00:28:27,338 --> 00:28:29,431
NNN... NO.
678
00:28:29,474 --> 00:28:31,840
WELL, HOW ABOUT
A SUDDEN ENDING?
679
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:37,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll