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Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
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- TAKING LIFE AS IT COMES...
- SHARING THE GOOD THINGS...
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AND THE BAD THINGS.
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FINDING LAUGHTER AND FUN
WHEREVER THEY GO.
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IT'S WITH THESE TWO
HAPPY-GO-LUCKY ROGUES
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THAT OUR STORY BEGINS.
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FOR IT IS THEY WHO WERE
RUN OVER BY ALEX DIAMOND...
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INTERNATIONAL CRIME FIGHTER
AND PLAYBOY...
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FAST-MOVING, TOUGH-TALKING
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AND JUST ONE OF THE MANY
HUNDREDS OF FAMOUS PEOPLE
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WHO SUFFER FROM... LUMBAGO
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THE ENDEMIC DISEASE
ABOUT WHICH NO ONE KNOWS MORE
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THAN THIS MAN,
DR. EMILE KONING...
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DOCTOR, SURGEON, PROCTOLOGIST
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AND SELFLESS FIGHTER
AGAINST HUMAN SUFFERING
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WHOSE DOORBELL WAS THE ONE ABOVE
THE HERO OF OUR STORY TONIGHT...
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REAR ADMIRAL HUMPHREY DE VERE.
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YES, THIS IS THE STORY OF
REAR ADMIRAL HUMPHREY DE VERE...
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OR RATHER, THE STORY
OF HIS DAUGHTER
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FOR IT WAS HER COURAGE,
FORESIGHT AND UNDERSTANDING
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THAT ENABLED US TO PROBE
BENEATH THE SOPHISTICATED VENEER
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OF THE ROYAL ARSENAL
WOMEN'S COLLEGE, BAGSHOT
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AND LEARN THE TRUE HISTORY
OF THIS MAN...
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LEN HANKY...
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CHIROPODIST, VOYEUR, HEN-TEASER
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THE MAN OF WHOM THE CHAIRMAN
OF FIAT ONCE SAID...
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CHE COSA E
LO STUCCIACATORI DI POLLI?
28
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SI.
29
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YES, TONIGHT WE EXAMINE
THE CAREER OF GINO AGNELLI
30
00:02:14,434 --> 00:02:15,992
THE MAN WHO STARTED FROM NOTHING
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TO BUILD UP ONE OF
THE GREATEST FIRMS IN EUROPE
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AND WHOSE TELESCOPE WAS BOUGHT
FROM THE SHOP PART-OWNED
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BY A MAN WHO, AT THE AGE
OF EIGHT, STOLE A PENKNIFE
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FROM THE SON OF THIS MAN'S
BROTHER'S HOUSEKEEPER'S
DENTAL HYGIENIST'S UNCLE...
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THE REVEREND CHARLIE "DROOPER"
HYPER-SQUAWK SMITH
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THE CLEFT-PALATED
R.A.F. CHAPLAIN
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WHO, SINGLE-HANDED, SHOT DOWN
OVER 500 GERMAN CHAPLAINS.
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THIS IS THE STORY
OF THE MEN WHO FLEW WITH HIM.
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IT REALLY IS.
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MORNING, SQUADRON LEADER.
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00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:55,801
WHAT-HO, SQUIFFY.
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00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:56,968
HOW WAS IT?
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00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:57,977
TOP HOLE.
44
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,478
BALLY JERRY
PRANGED HIS KITE
45
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RIGHT IN THE
HOW'S-YOUR-FATHER.
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00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:04,375
HAIRY BLIGHTER DICKY-BIRDIED,
FEATHERED BACK ON HIS SAMMY
47
00:03:04,417 --> 00:03:05,384
TOOK A WASPY
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FLIPPED OVER ON
HIS BETTY HARPER'S
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00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,815
AND CAUGHT HIS CAN
IN THE BERTIE.
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ER... AFRAID I DON'T QUITE
FOLLOW YOU, SQUADRON LEADER.
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IT'S PERFECTLY ORDINARY
BANTER, SQUIFFY.
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BALLY JERRY
PRANGED HIS KITE
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RIGHT IN THE HOW'S-YOUR-FATHER.
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HAIRY BLIGHTER DICKY-BIRDIED,
FEATHERED BACK ON HIS SAMMY
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TOOK A WASPY, FLIPPED OVER
ON HIS BETTY HARPER'S
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AND CAUGHT HIS CAN
IN THE BERTIE.
57
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NO, I'M JUST NOT
UNDERSTANDING BANTER
AT ALL WELL TODAY.
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GIVE US IT SLOWER.
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BANTER'S NOT THE SAME
IF YOU SAY IT SLOWER, SQUIFFY.
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HOLD ON, THEN.
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WINGCO!
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YES?
63
00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:41,787
BEND AN EAR
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TO THE SQUADRON LEADER'S BANTER.
65
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CAN DO.
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JOLLY GOOD.
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FIRE AWAY.
68
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BALLY JERRY...
PRANGED HIS KITE...
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RIGHT IN THE HOW'S-YOUR-FATHER.
70
00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:56,726
HAIRY BLIGHTER DICKY-BIRDIED...
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00:03:56,769 --> 00:03:58,896
FEATHERED BACK ON HIS SAMMY...
72
00:03:58,938 --> 00:04:02,339
TOOK A WASPY, FLIPPED OVER
ON HIS BETTY HARPER'S
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00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:04,400
AND CAUGHT HIS CAN...
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IN THE BERTIE.
75
00:04:07,347 --> 00:04:10,214
NO, I DON'T UNDERSTAND
THAT BANTER AT ALL.
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00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:13,316
IS SOMETHING UP
WITH MY BANTER, CHAPS?
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00:04:16,289 --> 00:04:18,257
BUNCH OF MONKEYS
ON THE CEILING, SIR!
78
00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:19,280
GRAB YOUR
EGG AND FOURS
79
00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:20,724
AND LET'S GET
THE BACON DELIVERED.
80
00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:27,964
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
81
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:29,969
NO, I DIDN'T GET A WORD OF IT.
82
00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:31,971
SORRY, OLD MAN.
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WE DON'T UNDERSTAND
YOUR BANTER.
84
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,974
YOU KNOW...
BALLY TEN-PENNY ONES
85
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,567
DROPPING
IN THE CUSTARD!
86
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,908
UM...
87
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:42,642
CHARLIE CHOPPERS
CHUCKING A HANDFUL.
88
00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:43,671
NO, NO,
SORRY.
89
00:04:43,716 --> 00:04:45,547
SAY IT A BIT
SLOWER, OLD CHAP.
90
00:04:45,585 --> 00:04:47,485
SLOWER
BANTER, SIR?
91
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:48,578
RA-THER!
92
00:04:48,621 --> 00:04:50,418
UM...
93
00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:53,118
SAUSAGE SQUAD
UP THE BLUE END!
94
00:04:53,159 --> 00:04:55,787
NO, STILL DON'T GET IT.
95
00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:59,662
UM... CABBAGE CRATES
COMING OVER THE BRINY?
96
00:05:02,535 --> 00:05:05,732
NO, NO, NO.
97
00:05:05,772 --> 00:05:07,899
BUT BY THEN IT WAS TOO LATE.
98
00:05:07,940 --> 00:05:10,670
THE FIRST CABBAGE CRATES
HIT LONDON ON JULY 7.
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THAT WAS JUST THE BEGINNING.
100
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FIVE SHILLINGS A DOZEN?
101
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THAT'S ORDINARY CABBAGES, IS IT?
102
00:05:17,283 --> 00:05:19,979
AND WHAT ABOUT THE BOMBS?
103
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GOOD LORD, THEY ARE EXPENSIVE!
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00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,387
SIR!
105
00:05:23,423 --> 00:05:24,617
YES, WHAT IS IT?
106
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:26,454
NEWS FROM THE
WESTERN FRONT, SIR!
107
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YES?
108
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,427
BIG ENEMY ATTACK
AT DAWN, SIR.
109
00:05:30,463 --> 00:05:31,589
YES?
110
00:05:31,631 --> 00:05:33,360
WELL...
111
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:38,099
THE ENEMY WERE ALL WEARING
LITTLE SILVER HALOS, SIR.
112
00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:40,799
AND THEY HAD FAIRY WANDS
WITH BIG STARS ON THE END
113
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AND... AND...
114
00:05:42,041 --> 00:05:42,973
AND WHAT?
115
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AND THEY HAD SPIDERS
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IN MATCHBOXES, SIR.
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GOOD GOD!
118
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HOW DID OUR CHAPS REACT?
119
00:05:48,981 --> 00:05:51,040
WELL, THEY WERE
JOLLY INTERESTED, SIR.
120
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:52,711
SOME OF THEM... I THINK IT WAS
121
00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:54,549
THE FOURTH
ARMORED BRIGADE, SIR...
122
00:05:54,587 --> 00:05:55,576
THEY... THEY...
123
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YES?
124
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WELL, THEY WENT AND HAD A LOOK
125
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AT THE SPIDERS, SIR.
126
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OH, MY GOD.
127
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WELL, THANK YOU,
SHIRLEY.
128
00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:03,818
SIR!
129
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:07,297
GET ME THE PRIME MINISTER.
130
00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:08,425
SIR!
131
00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:09,435
NOT THAT QUICKLY!
132
00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:10,902
SIR!
133
00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:14,167
GENTLEMEN,
IT'S NOW QUITE APPARENT
134
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:17,233
THAT THE ENEMY ARE NOT ONLY
FIGHTING THIS WAR ON THE CHEAP
135
00:06:17,276 --> 00:06:19,403
BUT THEY'RE ALSO NOT
TAKING IT SERIOUSLY.
136
00:06:19,445 --> 00:06:21,003
BASTARDS!
137
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:23,572
FIRST THEY DROP CABBAGES
INSTEAD OF DECENT BOMBS...
138
00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:25,413
CRATES WERE PROBABLY
QUITE EXPENSIVE, SIR.
139
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:27,214
QUIET, CRITIC!
140
00:06:27,253 --> 00:06:29,187
AND NOW THEY'RE DOING
VERY SILLY THINGS
141
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,349
IN ONE OF THE MOST VITAL AREAS
OF THE WAR.
142
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,359
WHAT ARE WE GOING
TO DO, SHIRLEY?
143
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,226
WELL, WE'VE GOT TO ACT FAST
BEFORE IT SAPS MORALE.
144
00:06:36,262 --> 00:06:38,321
WE'RE GOING TO SHOW
THESE CHINESE...
145
00:06:38,364 --> 00:06:39,331
GERMANS.
146
00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:40,457
THESE GERMANS.
147
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,297
WE'RE GOING TO SHOW THEM
148
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THAT NO BRITISH SOLDIER
WILL DESCEND TO THEIR LEVEL.
149
00:06:46,272 --> 00:06:48,797
ANYONE FOUND
TRIVIALIZING THIS WAR
150
00:06:48,841 --> 00:06:54,575
WILL FACE THE SUPREME PENALTY
THAT MILITARY LAW CAN PROVIDE.
151
00:06:57,450 --> 00:06:58,883
THAT WAS ALL RIGHT, I THINK.
152
00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:00,442
SEEMED TO GO
QUITE WELL.
153
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:03,353
SAPPER WALTERS, YOU STAND
BEFORE THIS COURT
154
00:07:03,389 --> 00:07:07,450
ACCUSED OF CARRYING ON THE WAR
BY OTHER THAN WARLIKE MEANS...
155
00:07:07,493 --> 00:07:11,862
TO WIT, THAT YOU DID
ON APRIL 16, 1942
156
00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:14,025
DRESSED UP AS A BAG OF DAINTIES
157
00:07:14,066 --> 00:07:17,832
FLICK WET TOWELS AT THE ENEMY
DURING AN IMPORTANT OFFENSIVE.
158
00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:19,064
WELL, SIR.
159
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:19,662
SHUT UP!
160
00:07:19,705 --> 00:07:20,831
COLONEL FAWCETT
161
00:07:20,873 --> 00:07:22,431
FOR THE PROSECUTION.
162
00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:25,607
SIR, WE ALL KNOW...
163
00:07:25,645 --> 00:07:26,009
SHUT UP.
164
00:07:26,045 --> 00:07:27,535
I'M SORRY?
165
00:07:27,580 --> 00:07:28,706
CARRY ON.
166
00:07:28,748 --> 00:07:30,807
SIR, WE ALL KNOW
THE FACTS OF THE CASE...
167
00:07:30,850 --> 00:07:32,283
THAT SAPPER WALTERS
168
00:07:32,318 --> 00:07:34,616
BEING IN POSSESSION OF
EXPENSIVE MILITARY EQUIPMENT...
169
00:07:34,654 --> 00:07:37,122
TO WIT, ONE
LEE ENFIELD.303 RIFLE
170
00:07:37,156 --> 00:07:39,147
AND 72 ROUNDS
OF AMMUNITION
171
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:42,889
VALUED AT £140,
THREE SHILLINGS AND SIXPENCE...
172
00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:45,124
CHOSE INSTEAD TO USE WET TOWELS
173
00:07:45,164 --> 00:07:49,191
TO TAKE AN ENEMY COMMAND POST
IN THE AREA OF BASINGSTOKE.
174
00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:50,668
BASINGSTOKE?
175
00:07:50,703 --> 00:07:51,931
BASINGSTOKE IN HAMPSHIRE?
176
00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:53,461
NO, NO, NO, SIR, NO.
177
00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:54,564
OH, I SEE... CARRY ON.
178
00:07:54,607 --> 00:07:55,631
THE RESULT OF HIS ACTION
179
00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:56,972
WAS THAT THE ENEMY RECEIVED...
180
00:07:57,009 --> 00:07:58,840
BASINGSTOKE WHERE?
181
00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:02,075
BASINGSTOKE IN WESTPHALIA, SIR.
182
00:08:02,114 --> 00:08:04,082
OH, I SEE... CARRY ON.
183
00:08:04,116 --> 00:08:05,913
THE RESULT
OF SAPPER WALTERS'S ACTION
184
00:08:05,952 --> 00:08:08,978
WAS THAT THE ENEMY RECEIVED
WET PATCHES UPON THEIR TROUSERS
185
00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:10,318
AND IN SOME CASES
186
00:08:10,356 --> 00:08:12,722
SMALL RED STRAWBERRY MARKS
UPON THEIR THIGHS.
187
00:08:12,758 --> 00:08:16,694
I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS
A BASINGSTOKE IN WESTPHALIA.
188
00:08:16,729 --> 00:08:18,754
IT'S ON THE MAP, SIR.
189
00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:20,129
WHAT MAP?
190
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:22,964
THE MAP OF WESTPHALIA
AS USED BY THE ARMY, SIR.
191
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:26,699
WELL, I'VE CERTAINLY NEVER HEARD
OF BASINGSTOKE IN WESTPHALIA.
192
00:08:26,739 --> 00:08:28,070
IT'S A MUNICIPAL BOROUGH, SIR
193
00:08:28,107 --> 00:08:29,938
27 MILES NORTH-NORTHEAST
OF SOUTHAMPTON.
194
00:08:29,976 --> 00:08:31,170
ITS CHIEF MANUFACTURES...
195
00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:32,700
SOUTHAMPTON IN WESTPHALIA?
196
00:08:32,745 --> 00:08:33,905
YES, SIR.
197
00:08:33,946 --> 00:08:35,072
BRICKS, CLOTHING.
198
00:08:35,114 --> 00:08:36,411
NEARBY ARE THE REMAINS
OF BASING HOUSE
199
00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:37,916
BURNED DOWN BY CROMWELL'S
CAVALRY IN 1645...
200
00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:40,418
AND WHO...
WHO COMPILED THIS MAP?
201
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:42,216
COLE PORTER, SIR.
202
00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:43,916
COLE PORTER...
203
00:08:43,956 --> 00:08:45,480
WHO WROTE KISS ME, KATE?
204
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:46,890
NO, ALAS NOT, SIR.
205
00:08:46,926 --> 00:08:49,690
THIS WAS THE COLE PORTER
WHO WROTE "ANYTHING GOES," SIR.
206
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:51,390
I SHALL SEEK TO PROVE...
207
00:08:51,430 --> 00:08:52,294
IT'S THE SAME ONE!
208
00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:56,926
I BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR?
209
00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:07,508
NO, THIS ONE'S, UH...
DIFFERENT, SIR.
210
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,174
HOW DOES IT GO?
211
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,182
WHAT, SIR?
212
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,411
HOW DOES
YOUR "ANYTHING GOES" GO?
213
00:09:12,451 --> 00:09:13,577
CAN I GO HOME NOW?
214
00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:14,745
SHUT UP!
215
00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:15,845
COME ON.
216
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:17,185
SIR, REALLY, I THINK THIS IS...
217
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:19,623
COME ON, HOW DOES
YOUR "ANYTHING GOES" GO?
218
00:09:34,774 --> 00:09:36,071
NO, THAT'S NOT IT... CARRY ON.
219
00:09:36,108 --> 00:09:37,769
WITH RESPECT, SIR,
I SHALL SEEK TO PROVE
220
00:09:37,810 --> 00:09:39,243
THAT THE MAN
BEFORE YOU IN THE DOCK
221
00:09:39,278 --> 00:09:40,836
BEING IN POSSESSION
OF THE FOLLOWING:
222
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:44,372
ONE PAIR OF ARMY BOOTS,
VALUE £3, SEVEN AND SIX;
223
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:48,183
ONE PAIR OF SERGE TROUSERS,
VALUE £2, THREE AND SIX;
224
00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:51,348
ONE PAIR OF GAITERS,
VALUE £68, TEN SHILLINGS...
225
00:09:51,390 --> 00:09:55,019
£68, TEN SHILLINGS
FOR A PAIR OF GAITERS?!
226
00:09:55,061 --> 00:09:56,460
THEY WERE SPECIAL GAITERS, SIR.
227
00:09:56,495 --> 00:09:58,053
SPECIAL GAITERS?
228
00:09:58,097 --> 00:10:00,190
YES, SIR, THEY WERE
MADE IN FRANCE, SIR.
229
00:10:00,232 --> 00:10:01,529
ONE BERET COSTING
14 SHILLINGS...
230
00:10:01,567 --> 00:10:02,795
WHAT WAS SPECIAL ABOUT THEM?
231
00:10:02,835 --> 00:10:05,861
THEY WERE MADE OF
A SPECIAL FABRIC, SIR.
232
00:10:05,905 --> 00:10:08,396
THE BUCKLES WERE MADE OF
EMPIRE SILVER INSTEAD OF BRASS.
233
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,102
THE TOTAL VALUE OF
THE UNIFORM WAS...
234
00:10:10,142 --> 00:10:13,908
WHY WAS THE ACCUSED
WEARING SPECIAL GAITERS?
235
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:16,574
THEY WERE A PRESENTATION PAIR,
SIR, FROM THE REGIMENT.
236
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,777
THE TOTAL VALUE OF
THE UNIFORM, THEREFORE...
237
00:10:18,818 --> 00:10:23,414
WHY DID THEY PRESENT HIM
WITH A SPECIAL PAIR OF GAITERS?
238
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,720
SIR... IT SEEMS TO ME
TOTALLY IRRELEVANT TO THE CASE
239
00:10:25,758 --> 00:10:28,158
WHETHER THE GAITERS WERE
PRESENTED TO HIM OR NOT, SIR.
240
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:30,856
I THINK THE COURT WILL BE ABLE
TO JUDGE THAT FOR THEMSELVES.
241
00:10:30,896 --> 00:10:33,729
I WANT TO KNOW WHY THE REGIMENT
PRESENTED THE ACCUSED
242
00:10:33,766 --> 00:10:35,495
WITH A SPECIAL PAIR OF GAITERS.
243
00:10:36,669 --> 00:10:38,728
HE USED TO DO
THINGS FOR THEM, SIR.
244
00:10:38,771 --> 00:10:39,738
THE TOTAL VALUE...
245
00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:41,137
WHAT THINGS?
246
00:10:41,173 --> 00:10:44,438
HE USED TO OBLIGE THEM, SIR.
247
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,172
OBLIGE THEM?
248
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:47,611
YES, SIR.
249
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,012
THE TOTAL VALUE
OF THE UNIFORM...
250
00:10:49,048 --> 00:10:50,709
HOW DID HE OBLIGE THEM?
251
00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:51,978
WHAT, SIR?
252
00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:54,145
HOW DID HE OBLIGE THEM?
253
00:10:54,186 --> 00:10:56,552
HE, UM...
254
00:10:56,589 --> 00:11:00,047
HE USED TO MAKE THEM HAPPY
IN LITTLE WAYS, SIR.
255
00:11:00,092 --> 00:11:01,719
THE TOTAL VALUE...
256
00:11:01,761 --> 00:11:03,592
DID HE TOUCH THEM AT ALL?
257
00:11:03,629 --> 00:11:04,891
SIR!
258
00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:06,898
I SUBMIT THAT THIS IS
TOTALLY IRRELEVANT.
259
00:11:06,932 --> 00:11:08,729
I WANT TO KNOW
HOW HE MADE THEM HAPPY.
260
00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:11,032
HE USED TO RAM THINGS
UP THEIR!
261
00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:12,833
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
262
00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:18,008
YOU DON'T NEED
TO SPELL IT OUT.
263
00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:19,807
WHAT HAS THE ACCUSED GOT TO SAY?
264
00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:21,779
WHAT... ME?
265
00:11:21,814 --> 00:11:23,076
YES, YES,
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY?
266
00:11:23,115 --> 00:11:24,707
WELL, WHAT CAN I SAY, SIR?
267
00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:27,412
I MEAN, HOW CAN
I ENCAPSULATE IN MERE WORDS
268
00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:29,614
MY SCORN FOR
ANY MILITARY SOLUTION...
269
00:11:29,655 --> 00:11:32,021
THE FUTILITY
OF MODERN WARFARE
270
00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:35,391
AND THE HYPOCRISY BY WHICH
CONTEMPORARY GOVERNMENT APPLIES
271
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,988
ONE STANDARD TO VIOLENCE
WITHIN THE COMMUNITY
272
00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:39,998
AND ANOTHER
TO VIOLENCE PERPETRATED
273
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:41,795
BY ONE COMMUNITY UPON ANOTHER?
274
00:11:41,834 --> 00:11:44,826
SORRY, BUT MY CLIENT
HAS BECOME PRETENTIOUS.
275
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:46,201
I WILL SAY
IN HIS DEFENSE, THOUGH...
276
00:11:46,238 --> 00:11:47,796
SIR, WE HAVEN'T FINISHED
THE PROSECUTION!
277
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:48,807
SHUT UP!
278
00:11:48,841 --> 00:11:49,808
I'M IN CHARGE
OF THIS COURT.
279
00:11:49,842 --> 00:11:50,809
STAND UP!
280
00:11:50,843 --> 00:11:51,867
SIT DOWN!
281
00:11:51,911 --> 00:11:52,878
GO MOO!
282
00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:55,272
SEE?
283
00:11:55,314 --> 00:11:57,942
RIGHT, NOW, ON
WITH THE PIXIE HATS
284
00:11:57,983 --> 00:12:01,180
AND ORDER IN
THE SKATING VICAR!
285
00:12:02,254 --> 00:12:03,744
AND...
286
00:12:47,900 --> 00:12:49,959
COMING TO THIS CINEMA SOON...
287
00:12:50,002 --> 00:12:52,334
THE TENDER, COMPASSIONATE STORY
288
00:12:52,371 --> 00:12:55,829
OF ONE MAN'S LOVE
FOR ANOTHER MAN IN DRAG.
289
00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:08,985
THRILL TO THE EXCITEMENT OF
A NIGHT EMISSION OVER GERMANY
290
00:13:09,021 --> 00:13:11,012
WHEN THE PILOT, JENNIFER,
HAS TO CHOOSE
291
00:13:11,056 --> 00:13:12,785
BETWEEN HIS SECRET LOVE
FOR LOUIS
292
00:13:12,825 --> 00:13:15,385
THE HOT-BLOODEDLY
BISEXUAL NAVIGATOR
293
00:13:15,427 --> 00:13:16,985
AND ANDY, THE REAR GUNNER
294
00:13:17,029 --> 00:13:19,361
WHO, THOUGH QUITE
ASSERTIVE WITH GIRLS
295
00:13:19,398 --> 00:13:21,423
TENDS TO TAKE
THE SUBMISSIVE ROLE
296
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,367
IN HIS RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN.
297
00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:26,701
AND SENSATIONAL MEXICAN STARLET
ROSETTA NIXON
298
00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:29,139
PLAYS THE HEAD OF BOMBER COMMAND
299
00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:32,508
WHOSE PASSION FOR SEA BIRDS
ENDS IN TRAGEDY.
300
00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:36,140
WITH GINGER, AS THE HALF-MAN,
HALF-WOMAN PARROT
301
00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:38,047
WHOSE UNNATURAL INSTINCTS
302
00:13:38,083 --> 00:13:39,607
BROUGHT FORBIDDEN LOVE
TO THE AVIARY.
303
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:43,349
AND ROGER AS PIP, THE HALF-
PARROT, HALF-MAN, HALF-WOMAN
304
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:46,256
THREE-QUARTER BADGER,
EX-BIGAMIST NEGRO PREACHER
305
00:13:46,292 --> 00:13:48,487
FOR WHOM BAN JO-PLAYING
WAS VERY DIFFICULT.
306
00:13:48,527 --> 00:13:50,017
AND HE NEVER MASTERED IT
307
00:13:50,062 --> 00:13:53,589
ALTHOUGH HE TOOK SEVERAL COURSES
AND WENT TO BAN JO COLLEGE, UH...
308
00:13:53,632 --> 00:13:54,724
AND EVERYTHING.
309
00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:55,893
DON'T MISS IT!
310
00:13:55,935 --> 00:13:57,835
COMING TO YOUR CINEMA SOON.
311
00:13:57,870 --> 00:14:01,271
ONLY FIVE MINUTES
FROM THIS RESTAURANT.
312
00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:03,907
BUT NOW...
313
00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:06,810
IT'S...
314
00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:33,632
[Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
315
00:14:33,672 --> 00:14:35,663
and A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS]
316
00:15:03,535 --> 00:15:05,093
BLOODY REPEATS!
317
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:13,443
YES, REPEATS
OR WAR FILMS.
318
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:16,607
IT REALLY
MAKES YOU WANT
TO MICTURATE.
319
00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:18,378
PEOPLE ON
TELEVISION TREAT
320
00:15:18,417 --> 00:15:20,647
THE GENERAL PUBLIC
LIKE IDIOTS.
321
00:15:20,686 --> 00:15:22,381
WELL, WE ARE IDIOTS.
322
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:23,979
OH, NO WE ARE NOT!
323
00:15:24,023 --> 00:15:25,320
WELL, I AM.
324
00:15:25,357 --> 00:15:27,154
HOW DO YOU KNOW
YOU'RE AN IDIOT?
325
00:15:27,192 --> 00:15:28,284
OH, I CAN SHOW YOU.
326
00:15:28,327 --> 00:15:29,487
HOW?
327
00:15:29,528 --> 00:15:30,552
LOOK.
328
00:15:32,965 --> 00:15:33,932
OOH!
329
00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:05,091
OOH, WEE! OOH, WEE!
330
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:08,065
YOU SEE, THE PUBLIC
ARE IDIOTS.
331
00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:11,035
YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST SHOW THEM
THE LAST FIVE MILES OF THE M2.
332
00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:12,037
THEY'D WATCH IT, EH?
333
00:16:13,072 --> 00:16:15,233
AT LAST, THEY
DONE BEEN PUT ON
334
00:16:15,274 --> 00:16:16,901
SOMETHING
INTERESTING.
335
00:16:16,942 --> 00:16:18,534
OH, MOST
INTERESTING.
336
00:16:18,577 --> 00:16:20,340
OUR FIGURES SHOW
CONCLUSIVELY
337
00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:22,643
THAT THESE MOTORWAYS ARE
EXTREMELY POPULAR.
338
00:16:22,681 --> 00:16:24,649
I MEAN, LAST TIME
WE SHOWED A REPEAT
339
00:16:24,683 --> 00:16:25,980
OF THE LEICESTER
BYPASSS
340
00:16:26,018 --> 00:16:32,389
OUR RATINGS GAVE US 97,300,912
AND ITV NOUGHT.
341
00:16:32,424 --> 00:16:36,793
SO I DO FEEL THAT WE OUGHT TO
GIVE "B" ROADS THEIR OWN SERIES.
342
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,797
I'M SORRY, WE JUST CAN'T
GIVE YOU A BIGGER BUDGET.
343
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:39,798
BUDGIE?
344
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:40,799
NO, HE'S
LEFT.
345
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,095
OH, OH.
WHY NOT?
346
00:16:42,134 --> 00:16:44,295
WE'RE ONLY ONE SLICE
OF THE CAKE, YOU KNOW.
347
00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:46,031
WOULDN'T MIND
A SLICE OF CAKE
348
00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:47,834
NICE CHOCOLATE CAKE...
DELICIOUS.
349
00:16:47,873 --> 00:16:49,465
I HAD A BUDGIE ONCE,
YOU KNOW.
350
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:51,772
LOVELY LITTLE BUDGIE,
AMUSING LITTLE CHAP.
351
00:16:51,810 --> 00:16:53,778
HE USED TO STICK
HIS HEAD IN A BELL.
352
00:16:53,812 --> 00:16:55,074
WHAT WAS HIS NAME, NOW?
353
00:16:55,114 --> 00:16:56,103
JOEY,
UH...
354
00:16:56,148 --> 00:16:57,274
KENNEDY?
355
00:16:57,316 --> 00:16:58,647
XERXES?
356
00:16:58,684 --> 00:16:59,616
WE COULD
REPEAT THEM.
357
00:16:59,651 --> 00:17:00,583
REHEAT THEM?
358
00:17:00,619 --> 00:17:01,551
NO,
REPEAT THEM.
359
00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:02,986
YOU DON'T REHEAT CAKES...
360
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,182
NOT CHOCOLATE CAKES.
361
00:17:04,223 --> 00:17:06,521
WHAT, REPEAT
THE CAKES?
362
00:17:06,558 --> 00:17:07,684
MR. HEATH!
363
00:17:07,726 --> 00:17:08,693
WHAT!
364
00:17:08,727 --> 00:17:10,058
THAT WAS
THE NAME OF
THE BUDGIE.
365
00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:11,255
GOOD LORD,
THE BAR'S OPEN.
366
00:17:11,296 --> 00:17:12,263
OH!
OH!
OH!
367
00:17:12,297 --> 00:17:13,787
GREAT OFF!
368
00:17:13,832 --> 00:17:14,856
OH, NO.
NO IT ISN'T.
369
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:16,629
I WAS LOOKING
AT THE LITTLE HAND
370
00:17:16,668 --> 00:17:18,226
THAT GOES ROUND
AWFULLY FAST.
371
00:17:19,838 --> 00:17:21,135
BLAST!
BLAST!
372
00:17:22,808 --> 00:17:24,002
I'VE
GOT IT.
373
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,510
WE CAN RETITLE THE REPEATS.
374
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:26,670
WHAT?
375
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:28,145
GIVE THEM
DIFFERENT
NAMES?
376
00:17:28,180 --> 00:17:30,171
WOULDN'T THAT MEAN
RETITLING THEM?
377
00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:31,341
BRILLIANT!
378
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:32,407
OH, RIGHT.
379
00:17:32,451 --> 00:17:33,816
ALL WE NEED IS
NEW TITLES
380
00:17:33,852 --> 00:17:35,444
AND THEY MUST
BE DAMNED NEW.
381
00:17:35,487 --> 00:17:38,456
HOW ABOUT DAD'S NAVY?
382
00:17:38,490 --> 00:17:39,582
HMM, GOOD, GOOD.
383
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:41,593
UP YOUR MOTHER NEXT DOOR.
384
00:17:41,627 --> 00:17:42,753
EVEN BETTER.
385
00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:44,592
DOCTOR AT BEE!
386
00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:45,597
WHAT?
WHAT?
387
00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:48,065
SOMEONE'S KNOCKING
AT THE DOOR.
388
00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:49,067
QUITE LIKE IT.
389
00:17:49,101 --> 00:17:50,159
BIT LONG, THOUGH,
I THINK.
390
00:17:50,202 --> 00:17:51,169
FAR TOO LONG.
391
00:17:51,203 --> 00:17:52,192
I MARRIED
LUCY.
392
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:53,829
OH, HASN'T THAT
BEEN DONE?
393
00:17:53,872 --> 00:17:55,339
OH, YES,
A LONG
TIME AGO.
394
00:17:55,374 --> 00:17:57,342
BUT THEY'D
NEVER
REMEMBER IT.
395
00:17:57,376 --> 00:17:59,139
DOCTOR AT THREE.
396
00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:00,770
I THINK SOMEONE'S
397
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,007
KNOCKING
AT THE DOOR.
398
00:18:02,047 --> 00:18:03,514
WELL, THAT'S
EVEN LONGER.
399
00:18:03,549 --> 00:18:04,538
I MARRIED
A TREE.
400
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:06,107
AND MOTHER
MAKES TREE.
401
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:07,516
DOCTOR
AT CAKE.
402
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:10,316
LOOK, I'M NOT
ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN
403
00:18:10,355 --> 00:18:11,982
BUT, WELL, I DO RATHER
GET THE IMPRESSION
404
00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:13,491
THAT THERE IS SOMEONE
ACTUALLY KNOCKING
405
00:18:13,525 --> 00:18:14,787
AT THE DOOR
AT THIS VERY MOMENT.
406
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,624
THAT'S RIDICULOUS...
HALF THE PROGRAM GONE.
407
00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:17,629
STOP LENGTHENING IT!
408
00:18:17,663 --> 00:18:19,858
I MARRIED A CAKE.
409
00:18:19,898 --> 00:18:24,426
I MARRIED THREE
RABBIT JELLY MOLDS.
410
00:18:24,470 --> 00:18:26,131
PREFER "CAKE,"
ESPECIALLY CHOCKY CAKE.
411
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:30,200
OPEN THE
SODDING DOOR!
412
00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:34,338
NO, NO. YOU CAN'T SAY
"SODDING" ON TELEVISION.
413
00:18:34,379 --> 00:18:35,368
NO, NO.
414
00:18:38,383 --> 00:18:39,975
YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO KNOCK.
415
00:18:40,018 --> 00:18:42,851
SORRY, SIR, BUT THERE'S
TROUBLE AT STUDIO FIVE.
416
00:18:42,888 --> 00:18:44,549
YOU'RE IN SECURITY,
AREN'T YOU?
417
00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:45,557
YES, SIR.
418
00:18:45,591 --> 00:18:46,922
WELL, YOU'RE
NOT ALLOWED
419
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,449
TO SUGGEST
PROGRAM TITLES.
420
00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:50,257
SIR, IT'S THE
WORLD WAR SERIES
421
00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:51,319
IN STUDIO FIVE.
422
00:18:51,363 --> 00:18:54,264
THEY'RE NOT TAKING IT
SERIOUSLY ANYMORE.
423
00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:55,231
YOU'RE
NOT ALLOWED
424
00:18:55,267 --> 00:18:56,666
TO SUGGEST
PROGRAM TITLES!
425
00:18:56,702 --> 00:18:57,964
LOOK!
426
00:18:59,004 --> 00:19:01,564
OW! MIND ME
WAR WOUND!
427
00:19:01,607 --> 00:19:02,733
THAT'S IT!
THAT'S THE ONE!
428
00:19:02,774 --> 00:19:03,741
VERY GOOD TITLE!
429
00:19:03,775 --> 00:19:04,935
VERY GOOD!
GREAT.
430
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,467
MIND ME
WAR WOUND.
BRILLIANT.
431
00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:19,213
GOD! BLOODY WORLD WAR II SERIES!
432
00:19:19,258 --> 00:19:20,748
I HATE THEM!
433
00:19:20,792 --> 00:19:23,488
OH, OH, IT'S A SHAME, MATER...
DAMNED PREDICTABLE.
434
00:19:26,064 --> 00:19:27,395
JUST LIKE BLOODY...
435
00:19:32,137 --> 00:19:35,470
DAY AFTER DAY
AFTER DAY AFTER DAY!
436
00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:36,496
UGH!
437
00:19:37,876 --> 00:19:39,571
OH, EVENING STAR
438
00:19:39,611 --> 00:19:42,637
IF ONLY WE COULD HAVE
A DECENT DAY TOMORROW.
439
00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:51,353
OH! THIS WEATHER'S SO WRETCHED
AND AWFUL AND FILTHY AND...
440
00:19:59,798 --> 00:20:00,992
WHAT? WHAT'S GOING ON?
441
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,432
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING?
442
00:20:10,175 --> 00:20:11,301
NOW I CAN'T EVEN SLEEP!
443
00:20:18,817 --> 00:20:21,217
WHAT... WHAT ARE THEY DOING?
444
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:28,048
HUH? WHAT WAS THAT?
445
00:20:28,093 --> 00:20:29,060
WHAT WAS IT?
446
00:20:29,094 --> 00:20:30,186
WHAT... WHAT'S GOING ON?
447
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:35,667
OH... OH, I CAN'T STAND IT!
448
00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:50,341
ALL RIGHT! THAT DOES IT!
THAT DOES IT!
449
00:20:50,382 --> 00:20:51,474
I'M GOING TO GET OUT...
450
00:20:53,051 --> 00:20:54,848
WHAT A LOVELY DAY!
451
00:20:54,886 --> 00:20:57,946
OH, I THINK I'M GOING TO GO...
452
00:21:18,477 --> 00:21:19,774
I SAY.
453
00:21:19,811 --> 00:21:21,301
YES, DADDY?
454
00:21:21,346 --> 00:21:23,211
CROQUET HOOPS
LOOK DAMN PRETTY
455
00:21:23,248 --> 00:21:24,215
THIS AFTERNOON.
456
00:21:24,249 --> 00:21:25,682
FRIGHTFULLY
DAMN PRETTY.
457
00:21:25,717 --> 00:21:26,945
THEY'RE
COMING ALONG
458
00:21:26,985 --> 00:21:28,418
AWFULLY WELL
THIS YEAR.
459
00:21:28,453 --> 00:21:29,477
YES, BETTER THAN
460
00:21:29,521 --> 00:21:31,682
YOUR AUNT LAVINIA'S
CROQUET HOOPS.
461
00:21:31,723 --> 00:21:33,213
OH, DREADFUL
TIN THINGS.
462
00:21:33,258 --> 00:21:35,283
I DID TELL
HER TO STICK
TO WOOD.
463
00:21:35,327 --> 00:21:38,728
YES, YOU CAN'T BEAT WOOD.
464
00:21:38,764 --> 00:21:40,322
GORN...
465
00:21:42,467 --> 00:21:43,729
WHAT'S GORN, DEAR?
466
00:21:43,769 --> 00:21:44,736
NOTHING, NOTHING.
467
00:21:44,770 --> 00:21:46,067
NO, I JUST LIKE THE WORD.
468
00:21:46,104 --> 00:21:47,298
IT GIVES ME CONFIDENCE.
469
00:21:47,339 --> 00:21:48,670
GORN...
470
00:21:48,707 --> 00:21:51,540
GORN... IT'S GOT
A SORT OF WOODY
QUALITY ABOUT IT.
471
00:21:51,576 --> 00:21:53,840
GORN...
472
00:21:53,879 --> 00:21:56,177
GORN...
473
00:21:56,214 --> 00:21:58,876
MUCH BETTER THAN
NEWSPAPER OR LITTER BIN.
474
00:21:58,917 --> 00:22:00,350
FRIGHTFUL WORDS.
475
00:22:00,385 --> 00:22:01,716
PERFECTLY DREADFUL.
476
00:22:01,753 --> 00:22:04,153
NEWSPAPER...
LITTER BIN.
477
00:22:04,189 --> 00:22:05,383
DREADFUL TINNY
SORT OF WORDS.
478
00:22:06,458 --> 00:22:07,186
TIN, TIN, TIN.
479
00:22:07,225 --> 00:22:08,249
OH, DEAR...
480
00:22:08,293 --> 00:22:09,817
DON'T SAY "TIN"
TO REBECCA.
481
00:22:09,861 --> 00:22:11,419
YOU KNOW HOW
IT UPSETS HER.
482
00:22:11,463 --> 00:22:13,658
OH, SORRY,
OLD HORSE.
483
00:22:17,536 --> 00:22:18,503
SAUSAGE.
484
00:22:18,537 --> 00:22:19,868
SAUSAGE!
485
00:22:19,905 --> 00:22:24,035
THERE'S A GOOD WOODY
SORT OF WORD, SAUSAGE.
486
00:22:24,076 --> 00:22:25,941
GORN...
487
00:22:25,977 --> 00:22:27,274
ANTELOPE!
488
00:22:27,312 --> 00:22:28,506
WHERE?
ON THE LAWN?
489
00:22:28,547 --> 00:22:30,447
NO, NO, DADDY...
JUST THE WORD.
490
00:22:30,482 --> 00:22:33,007
DON'T WANT AN ANTELOPE
NIBBLING THE HOOPS.
491
00:22:33,051 --> 00:22:34,211
NO, NO, AN-TEL-OPE.
492
00:22:34,252 --> 00:22:37,050
SORT OF NICE AND WOODY
TYPE OF THING.
493
00:22:37,089 --> 00:22:39,057
DON'T THINK SO,
BECKY, OLD CHAP.
494
00:22:39,091 --> 00:22:40,058
NO, NO.
495
00:22:40,092 --> 00:22:41,252
ANTELOPE,
ANTELOPE.
496
00:22:41,293 --> 00:22:42,351
TINNY SORT OF WORD.
497
00:22:43,428 --> 00:22:44,588
OH! SORRY, OLD MAN.
498
00:22:44,629 --> 00:22:45,721
REALLY,
MANSFIELD.
499
00:22:45,764 --> 00:22:47,789
WELL, SHE'S GOT
TO COME TO TERMS
500
00:22:47,833 --> 00:22:48,993
WITH THESE THINGS.
501
00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:53,171
SEEMLY.
502
00:22:53,205 --> 00:22:55,765
PRODDING.
503
00:22:55,807 --> 00:22:57,536
VACUUM.
504
00:22:57,576 --> 00:22:58,543
LEAP.
505
00:22:58,577 --> 00:22:59,544
OH! HATE LEAP.
506
00:22:59,578 --> 00:23:00,943
PERFECTLY DREADFUL.
507
00:23:00,979 --> 00:23:04,142
SORT OF P.V.C.
SORT OF WORD,
DON'T YOU KNOW?
508
00:23:04,182 --> 00:23:05,149
LOWER-MIDDLE.
509
00:23:05,183 --> 00:23:06,480
BOUND.
510
00:23:06,518 --> 00:23:08,076
NOW YOU'RE TALKING.
511
00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:09,417
BOUND.
512
00:23:09,454 --> 00:23:10,614
VOLE.
513
00:23:10,655 --> 00:23:12,486
RECIDIVIST.
514
00:23:12,524 --> 00:23:14,014
BIT TINNY.
515
00:23:15,894 --> 00:23:18,021
OH, SORRY,
BECKY OLD BEAST.
516
00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:19,121
OH, DEAR, I SUPPOSE
517
00:23:19,164 --> 00:23:21,155
SHE'LL BE GORN
FOR A FEW DAYS NOW.
518
00:23:23,101 --> 00:23:24,432
CARIBOU!
519
00:23:24,469 --> 00:23:25,436
SPLENDID WORD!
520
00:23:25,470 --> 00:23:27,438
NO, DEAR...
NIBBLING THE HOOPS.
521
00:23:27,472 --> 00:23:28,439
OH!
522
00:23:31,376 --> 00:23:34,539
CARIBOU GORN.
523
00:23:38,316 --> 00:23:40,011
INTERCOURSE.
524
00:23:40,051 --> 00:23:41,348
LATER, DEAR.
525
00:23:41,386 --> 00:23:42,944
NO, NO.
526
00:23:42,988 --> 00:23:46,219
THE WORD "INTERCOURSE,"
GOOD AND WOODY.
527
00:23:46,258 --> 00:23:48,556
INTERCOURSE...
528
00:23:48,593 --> 00:23:51,460
PERT...
PERT THIGHS.
529
00:23:51,496 --> 00:23:54,056
BODY, BODY, BODY.
530
00:23:54,099 --> 00:23:56,693
EROGENOUS ZONE...
531
00:23:58,170 --> 00:23:59,865
OH, CONCUBINE!
532
00:23:59,905 --> 00:24:02,897
EROGENOUS ZONE...
533
00:24:02,941 --> 00:24:04,272
LOOSE WOMAN.
534
00:24:04,309 --> 00:24:06,277
EROGENOUS ZONE...
535
00:24:06,311 --> 00:24:07,539
OH!
536
00:24:09,381 --> 00:24:11,076
OH, THANK YOU, DEAR.
537
00:24:12,584 --> 00:24:14,575
YOU KNOW, IT'S
A FUNNY THING, DEAR.
538
00:24:14,619 --> 00:24:16,587
ALL THE NAUGHTY WORDS
SOUND WOODY.
539
00:24:16,621 --> 00:24:17,713
REALLY, DEAR?
540
00:24:17,756 --> 00:24:19,519
HOW ABOUT "TIT"?
541
00:24:19,558 --> 00:24:20,752
OH, DEAR.
542
00:24:20,792 --> 00:24:22,851
I HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT THAT.
543
00:24:22,894 --> 00:24:23,861
TIT, TIT.
544
00:24:23,895 --> 00:24:25,624
OH, THAT'S VERY
TINNY, ISN'T IT?
545
00:24:25,664 --> 00:24:26,631
TIT, TIT.
546
00:24:26,665 --> 00:24:27,689
UGH! TINNY, TINNY.
547
00:24:29,167 --> 00:24:31,226
OH, DEAR.
548
00:24:32,838 --> 00:24:35,306
OCELOT.
549
00:24:35,340 --> 00:24:38,309
WASP.
550
00:24:38,343 --> 00:24:41,642
YOWLING.
551
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:42,806
OH, DEAR, I'M BORED.
552
00:24:42,848 --> 00:24:45,214
I'D BETTER GO AND HAVE
A BATH, I SUPPOSE.
553
00:24:45,250 --> 00:24:46,717
OH, REALLY,
MUST YOU DEAR?
554
00:24:46,751 --> 00:24:48,116
YOU'VE HAD NINE TODAY.
555
00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:50,644
ALL RIGHT, I'LL SACK
ONE OF THE SERVANTS.
556
00:24:50,689 --> 00:24:51,678
SIMKINS!
557
00:24:51,723 --> 00:24:53,213
NASTY TINNY
SORT OF NAME.
558
00:24:53,258 --> 00:24:54,691
SIMKINS!
559
00:24:54,726 --> 00:24:58,628
I SAY, MATER, CABBAGE CRATES
COMING OVER THE BRINY.
560
00:24:59,631 --> 00:25:01,258
SORRY, DEAR,
DON'T UNDERSTAND.
561
00:25:01,299 --> 00:25:02,823
UH, COW CATCHERS
CREEPING UP
562
00:25:02,868 --> 00:25:04,165
ON THE CONNING TOWERS.
563
00:25:05,637 --> 00:25:07,127
NO, SORRY, OLD SPORT.
564
00:25:07,172 --> 00:25:10,073
UM... CARIBOU NIBBLING
AT THE CROQUET HOOPS.
565
00:25:10,108 --> 00:25:12,372
YES, MANSFIELD SHOT ONE
IN THE ANTLERS.
566
00:25:12,410 --> 00:25:14,241
OH, JOLLY GOOD SHOW.
567
00:25:14,279 --> 00:25:15,940
IS, UH, IS BECCA ABOUT?
568
00:25:15,981 --> 00:25:17,471
NO, SHE'S GORN OFF.
569
00:25:17,516 --> 00:25:21,111
WHAT A SUPER WOODY SORT
OF PHRASE, "GORN OFF."
570
00:25:21,152 --> 00:25:22,642
YES, SHE'S GORN OFF
571
00:25:22,687 --> 00:25:25,520
BECAUSE MANSFIELD
SAID "TIN" TO HER.
572
00:25:25,557 --> 00:25:27,218
OH, WHAT ROTTEN LUCK.
573
00:25:27,259 --> 00:25:29,887
OH, WELL, WHOLE
AFTERNOON TO KILL.
574
00:25:29,928 --> 00:25:32,260
BETTER HAVE A BATH,
I SUPPOSE.
575
00:25:32,297 --> 00:25:34,424
OH, GERVAISE,
DO SING ME A SONG.
576
00:25:34,466 --> 00:25:36,764
OH, OKAY.
577
00:25:36,801 --> 00:25:38,132
SOMETHING WOODY.
578
00:25:45,277 --> 00:25:46,437
OH, CRIKEY!
579
00:25:46,478 --> 00:25:49,106
THE OLD SONG'S
FINISHED HER OFF.
580
00:25:49,147 --> 00:25:50,171
WHAT'S URP?
581
00:25:50,215 --> 00:25:51,910
OH, I'M AFRAID MRS. VERMIN JONES
582
00:25:51,950 --> 00:25:53,383
APPEARS TO HAVE PASSED ORN.
583
00:25:53,418 --> 00:25:55,215
DEAD, IS SHE?
584
00:25:55,253 --> 00:25:56,083
AFRAID SO.
585
00:25:56,121 --> 00:25:57,918
WHAT A BLOW FOR HER.
586
00:26:00,025 --> 00:26:01,151
WHAT I WANT
TO KNOW
587
00:26:01,192 --> 00:26:02,352
MRS. ELIZABETH III
588
00:26:02,394 --> 00:26:04,453
IS WHY
THEY SHOW US
CRAP LIKE THIS
589
00:26:04,496 --> 00:26:07,090
WHEN THERE'S BITS
OF THE LEICESTER
BYPASS
590
00:26:07,132 --> 00:26:08,827
THAT HAVE NEVER
BEEN SHOWN.
591
00:26:08,867 --> 00:26:09,834
BISKWIT?
592
00:26:09,868 --> 00:26:12,234
OH! THANK YOU.
593
00:26:15,974 --> 00:26:18,670
Appearing on the M2 were...
594
00:26:28,620 --> 00:26:30,383
Bloody repeats!
595
00:26:32,757 --> 00:26:33,985
BLOODY REPEATS!
596
00:26:36,461 --> 00:26:38,395
YES, REPEATS
OR WAR FILMS
597
00:26:38,430 --> 00:26:40,557
MAKES YOU WANT
TO MICTURATE.
598
00:26:40,599 --> 00:26:42,760
Hello and welcome
to Show Jumping...
599
00:26:42,801 --> 00:26:44,496
OH, MOTO-CROSS!
600
00:26:44,536 --> 00:26:46,561
OH, GOOD.
601
00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:49,870
JUST ABOUT TO GO INTO
A JUMP-OFF AGAINST THE CLOCK.
602
00:26:49,908 --> 00:26:51,876
THE SLIGHT PAUSE IS
FOR THE STEWARDS
603
00:26:51,910 --> 00:26:53,810
WHO ARE REPAIRING
THE SOUND OF MUSIC.
604
00:26:53,845 --> 00:26:57,008
CAPTAIN PHILLIPS ON 'STREWTH
JUST CAUGHT ONE OF THE NUNS
605
00:26:57,048 --> 00:27:00,745
AT THE VERY START OF WHAT WOULD
HAVE BEEN A FINE CLEAR ROUND.
606
00:27:00,785 --> 00:27:03,652
IT'S A FORMIDABLE OBSTACLE,
THIS SOUND OF MUSIC...
607
00:27:03,688 --> 00:27:06,816
EIGHT NUNS HIGH... BUT
THEY'RE READY NOW AND SINGING.
608
00:27:09,661 --> 00:27:11,925
AND THERE'S THE BELL.
609
00:27:11,963 --> 00:27:14,158
SHE'S GOT 1:07 SECONDS TO BEAT
610
00:27:14,199 --> 00:27:15,860
BUT SHE NEEDS
A CLEAR ROUND TO WIN.
611
00:27:15,900 --> 00:27:17,993
AS SHE COMES TOWARDS
THE SOUND OF MUSIC...
612
00:27:18,036 --> 00:27:19,003
QUITE EXCITING.
613
00:27:19,037 --> 00:27:20,299
HMM.
614
00:27:20,338 --> 00:27:21,566
BEAUTIFULLY TAKEN.
615
00:27:21,606 --> 00:27:22,971
AND NOW SHE NEEDS
TO PICK UP SPEED
616
00:27:23,008 --> 00:27:24,305
FOR OKLAHOMA,
BUT NOT TOO MUCH.
617
00:27:24,342 --> 00:27:26,742
THIS IS WHERE ALAN JONES
KNOCKED DOWN POOR JUDD...
618
00:27:27,912 --> 00:27:29,004
YOU NOTICE HOW
619
00:27:29,047 --> 00:27:30,981
WE NEVER ACTUALLY
SEE THE HORSES JUMP?
620
00:27:31,016 --> 00:27:33,678
SHE'S TAKEN IT SUPERBLY,
SUPERB SHOW JUMPING.
621
00:27:33,718 --> 00:27:36,551
AND SHE'S COMING UP TO THE BLACK
AND WHITE MINSTREL SHOW.
622
00:27:36,588 --> 00:27:38,579
WATCH THIS.
623
00:27:40,959 --> 00:27:42,620
SHE'S TAKEN IT!
624
00:27:42,661 --> 00:27:43,992
SHE'S OVER THE MINSTRELS.
625
00:27:44,029 --> 00:27:46,497
SHE JUST FLICKED
LESLIE CROWTHER WITH HER TAIL
626
00:27:46,531 --> 00:27:48,021
BUT THE TIME'S GOOD.
627
00:27:48,066 --> 00:27:50,830
AND NOW SHE TURNS BEFORE
COMING INTO THE FINAL JUMP.
628
00:27:50,869 --> 00:27:52,393
THIS IS A TOUGH ONE.
629
00:27:52,437 --> 00:27:55,372
IT'S BEN HUR... 46 CHARIOTS,
6,000 SPECTATORS, 400 SLAVES
630
00:27:55,407 --> 00:27:56,374
LION-HANDLERS...
631
00:27:56,408 --> 00:27:57,705
I BET WE DON'T
SEE THIS ONE.
632
00:27:57,742 --> 00:27:58,731
NO.
633
00:28:00,445 --> 00:28:03,846
WE INTERRUPT SHOW JUMPING
TO BRING YOU A NEWS FLASH.
634
00:28:03,882 --> 00:28:07,613
THE SECOND WORLD WAR HAS NOW
ENTERED A SENTIMENTAL STAGE.
635
00:28:07,652 --> 00:28:09,847
THIS MORNING
ON THE ARDENNES FRONT
636
00:28:09,888 --> 00:28:12,220
THE GERMANS STARTED
SPOONING AT DAWN
637
00:28:12,257 --> 00:28:14,589
BUT THE BRITISH
FIFTH ARMY RESPONDED
638
00:28:14,626 --> 00:28:16,594
BY GAZING DEEP INTO THEIR EYES
639
00:28:16,628 --> 00:28:20,223
AND THE GERMANS ARE NOW REPORTED
TO HAVE GONE ALL COY.
640
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:08,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll