1 00:00:02,749 --> 00:00:04,717 (GRAVELLY VOICE) This week's "Red Dwarf" 2 00:00:04,885 --> 00:00:07,979 contains scenes which are unsuitable for younger viewers 3 00:00:08,155 --> 00:00:10,555 and people of a nervous disposition. 4 00:00:10,724 --> 00:00:13,215 You have been warned. 5 00:00:14,027 --> 00:00:16,018 (RED DWARF THEME) 6 00:00:54,634 --> 00:00:56,727 (STEADY BLEEPING) 7 00:00:59,206 --> 00:01:03,506 (BLEEP) Danger. Do not attempt to open this pod. 8 00:01:03,677 --> 00:01:06,805 The creature inside is extremely hostile. 9 00:01:06,980 --> 00:01:11,144 It feeds off the human psyche, seeks out the deranged, 10 00:01:11,318 --> 00:01:15,015 the unbalanced and the emotionally crippled. 11 00:01:17,824 --> 00:01:20,622 (LONG GUTTURAL ROAR) 12 00:01:22,396 --> 00:01:24,421 (CREATURE MUTTERS) Oh, pardon me... 13 00:01:28,602 --> 00:01:30,194 Oh! Oh, n! Urgh! 14 00:01:30,404 --> 00:01:32,770 (ZIP! ZIP! ZIP!) 15 00:01:52,392 --> 00:01:53,791 (ZIP!) 16 00:01:55,462 --> 00:01:59,558 Not too little and not too much. That's important... 17 00:02:05,572 --> 00:02:07,369 Here we go! 18 00:02:07,541 --> 00:02:11,102 I'll just give your quarters a quick tickle around, sir. 19 00:02:11,278 --> 00:02:13,712 - Won't take a jiff. - Not now. I'm cooking. 20 00:02:22,889 --> 00:02:25,619 - I didn't know you could do that! - Oh, yes. 21 00:02:25,792 --> 00:02:27,987 I have add-ons for my groinal socket 22 00:02:28,161 --> 00:02:32,325 which allow me to perform virtually any household task imaginable. 23 00:02:32,499 --> 00:02:34,558 - Like what? - Oh, you name it, 24 00:02:34,734 --> 00:02:37,601 buzz-saw, drill, hedge trimmer... even an egg whisk. 25 00:02:38,572 --> 00:02:42,804 So, you stick the egg whisk on and you can whip up an omelette? 26 00:02:42,976 --> 00:02:46,912 I can, but it's amazing how few people are prepared to eat them. 27 00:02:49,783 --> 00:02:51,910 (JUDDERS AND RATTLES) 28 00:02:53,019 --> 00:02:56,182 Goodness me! I must have sucked up a penny. 29 00:02:58,158 --> 00:03:02,185 I better change the old bag. Yes, I'll just get a fresh one. 30 00:03:03,196 --> 00:03:07,030 Mmm! Something smells good! What is it? 31 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,397 It's me! I love this aftershave! 32 00:03:11,438 --> 00:03:14,874 You are minutes away from the greatest meal of your life. 33 00:03:15,041 --> 00:03:17,339 Set your taste buds on Def Con 3! 34 00:03:17,978 --> 00:03:20,344 Hey, where'd you get all this stuff? 35 00:03:20,547 --> 00:03:24,142 I got sick of plastic cutlery, so I went to the medical unit. 36 00:03:24,351 --> 00:03:26,114 This is a scalpel! 37 00:03:27,087 --> 00:03:30,648 I'm supposed to use something that's been inside someone's guts? 38 00:03:30,824 --> 00:03:33,349 It's all been washed. It's clean. 39 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:38,761 Something that once may have performed a certain popular Jewish operation? 40 00:03:39,733 --> 00:03:41,928 I'm supposed to eat with this? 41 00:03:42,102 --> 00:03:45,367 Get the onion salads out of the fridge. 42 00:03:46,072 --> 00:03:48,097 "Embryo Refrigeration Unit"?! 43 00:03:48,275 --> 00:03:52,075 How many times? It's clean! It's been cleaned! 44 00:03:53,146 --> 00:03:56,138 - Onion salads... - They're in the kidney bowls, 45 00:03:56,316 --> 00:04:00,343 next to the colostomy bag with the chilli sauce in it. 46 00:04:01,755 --> 00:04:05,020 Here we go! Here we go! 47 00:04:17,737 --> 00:04:19,295 (BEEPS) 48 00:04:21,841 --> 00:04:23,240 Yahoo! 49 00:04:23,410 --> 00:04:26,846 Come on, man. Come on. It's ready. Sit down. Sit down. 50 00:04:27,013 --> 00:04:30,346 One kebab for you and one kebab for me. 51 00:04:32,285 --> 00:04:34,185 Lemon juice? 52 00:04:35,722 --> 00:04:39,180 - What the hell is that? - It's a syringe. 53 00:04:39,359 --> 00:04:41,987 - What kind of syringe? - It's for cows. 54 00:04:42,162 --> 00:04:45,097 Artificial insemination. It's been washed. 55 00:04:45,265 --> 00:04:47,859 It's all been sterilised. Do you want some? 56 00:04:49,436 --> 00:04:52,132 - Excuse me. - What about the meal? 57 00:04:52,939 --> 00:04:55,203 This isn't a meal, it's an autopsy! 58 00:04:55,375 --> 00:04:59,607 - What about the main course? - You think I got nothing else to do 59 00:04:59,779 --> 00:05:03,271 than watch you serve chicken chasseur in a stool bucket? 60 00:05:03,450 --> 00:05:05,850 Charming! I don't know. 61 00:05:06,019 --> 00:05:09,284 You pull out all the stops, you make an effort... 62 00:05:10,256 --> 00:05:13,089 try and do something with a bit of class, 63 00:05:13,259 --> 00:05:15,693 and where does it get you? 64 00:05:16,863 --> 00:05:19,093 Mmm, very cheeky. 65 00:05:25,739 --> 00:05:27,366 (MUTTERS) 66 00:05:39,653 --> 00:05:41,985 Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt, sir. 67 00:05:42,155 --> 00:05:44,453 I just need to get a... (LAUGHS) Sorry. 68 00:05:44,624 --> 00:05:48,856 Oh, no, Kryten. It's all right. Just running a few old home movies. 69 00:05:50,363 --> 00:05:54,356 That's me, there. Those are my brothers - John, Frank and Howard. 70 00:05:54,534 --> 00:05:56,525 God, we were close. 71 00:05:56,703 --> 00:05:59,103 The Four Musketeers, we used to call ourselves. 72 00:05:59,272 --> 00:06:03,538 Well, the Three Musketeers, actually. I was always the Queen of Spain. 73 00:06:03,710 --> 00:06:08,010 Marvellous. Yes, I was the butt of the occasional practical joke, 74 00:06:08,181 --> 00:06:10,615 but I mean, er... nothing sinister. 75 00:06:15,588 --> 00:06:18,056 Just the usual boyhood pranks, you know - 76 00:06:18,224 --> 00:06:21,819 apple-pie beds and black-eye telescopes... 77 00:06:21,995 --> 00:06:26,295 One time, they even hid a small landmine in my sandpit. 78 00:06:26,466 --> 00:06:29,026 They took it from my father's gun cabinet. 79 00:06:29,202 --> 00:06:31,727 How did they know it would go off? 80 00:06:31,905 --> 00:06:34,169 - Marvellous guys. - Oh, who's that? 81 00:06:34,340 --> 00:06:37,309 - An old girlfriend, sir? - Hardly. 82 00:06:37,477 --> 00:06:41,038 No, not really your type. Silly old trout like that. 83 00:06:41,881 --> 00:06:47,285 - She's my mother. - Oh! Oh! I am so sorry, sir... 84 00:06:47,454 --> 00:06:50,685 - Just forget it. - Oh, how can I forget it, sir? 85 00:06:50,857 --> 00:06:54,759 I compared your mother to a foolish, aged, blubbery fish. 86 00:06:54,928 --> 00:06:59,262 I said she was a simple-minded, scaly old piscine. 87 00:06:59,432 --> 00:07:02,993 I intimated she was an ugly, lungless marine animal 88 00:07:03,169 --> 00:07:05,137 with galloping senility, 89 00:07:05,305 --> 00:07:10,538 a putrid amphibious gill-breather with less brains than a mollusc. 90 00:07:11,211 --> 00:07:13,236 Forget it! 91 00:07:13,913 --> 00:07:16,939 Ah. Freeze. Ah, there she is. Magnificent woman. 92 00:07:17,117 --> 00:07:20,416 Very prim, very proper. Some say austere. 93 00:07:20,587 --> 00:07:22,953 Some took her for cold, aloof. 94 00:07:23,123 --> 00:07:27,890 Not a bit of it, she just despised idiots, no time for fools. 95 00:07:28,061 --> 00:07:30,894 Tragic, really, otherwise we would have got on famously. 96 00:07:31,865 --> 00:07:36,427 Well, if you'll excuse me, sir. This is a private family moment. 97 00:07:36,603 --> 00:07:39,436 I've no fish to embarrass you further. 98 00:07:39,606 --> 00:07:41,836 I'll let myself trout. 99 00:07:42,041 --> 00:07:44,874 - Oh, sir, I'm... - Just go! 100 00:07:47,347 --> 00:07:51,545 Don't panic, Arn, but it does appear there's a very tiny possibility 101 00:07:51,718 --> 00:07:55,677 that there may very well be a non-human life form on board. 102 00:07:55,855 --> 00:07:58,949 You mean like last time, when we got all worked up 103 00:07:59,125 --> 00:08:02,390 and went scooting off, complete with bazookoids and backpacks, 104 00:08:02,562 --> 00:08:04,587 and it was one of Lister's socks? 105 00:08:05,298 --> 00:08:07,391 I didn't recognise the genetic structure. 106 00:08:07,567 --> 00:08:10,195 Biologically speaking, they were a completely new life form. 107 00:08:11,070 --> 00:08:14,096 Absolutely ridiculous. I felt a total goit. 108 00:08:14,274 --> 00:08:16,538 - Take a butchers'. - Where is it? 109 00:08:16,709 --> 00:08:20,236 I lost it. It's somewhere along the habitation decks. 110 00:08:20,413 --> 00:08:23,007 Can't get a moment's peace! 111 00:08:25,585 --> 00:08:28,611 - Enjoying your meal, sir? - It's de-smegging-licious, Kryten. 112 00:08:28,788 --> 00:08:30,847 It's my own recipe, you know? 113 00:08:31,024 --> 00:08:35,085 Shami Kebab Diablo. It's beautiful. It's like eating molten lava. 114 00:08:35,695 --> 00:08:40,325 I cooked up one for Petersen once. He was in sick bay for a week. 115 00:08:41,935 --> 00:08:43,664 (SNEEZES) 116 00:08:44,704 --> 00:08:46,934 - What? - I didn't say anything, sir. 117 00:08:52,412 --> 00:08:54,312 (CREATURE MUTTERS) 118 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:57,643 - You like them that hot? - It's trying to kill me. 119 00:08:57,817 --> 00:09:00,047 Oh, it's a good one, huh? 120 00:09:01,521 --> 00:09:04,854 - It went under here. - Are you all right, sir? 121 00:09:05,024 --> 00:09:06,582 - (ZIP!) - It's gone. 122 00:09:06,759 --> 00:09:10,320 - What? - How? Where could it go? 123 00:09:10,496 --> 00:09:13,693 We better go, Kryten. Something very weird is going on. 124 00:09:13,867 --> 00:09:17,268 Something very, very... Ooh! Sudden pain in my groin. 125 00:09:19,505 --> 00:09:21,939 - What's wrong? - Ah! My underpants! 126 00:09:22,108 --> 00:09:25,908 They're shrinking. Oh, God! Me boxers are alive, man! 127 00:09:26,079 --> 00:09:29,742 They're getting smaller! Help me, please! 128 00:09:29,916 --> 00:09:31,941 Please, I'm begging you! 129 00:09:35,321 --> 00:09:37,346 Get 'em off! 130 00:09:38,091 --> 00:09:40,753 - Pull them down! - Keep still! 131 00:09:48,101 --> 00:09:51,502 Well, I can't say I'm totally shocked. 132 00:09:51,671 --> 00:09:54,105 You'll bonk anything, won't you, Lister? 133 00:09:54,274 --> 00:09:57,266 - The boxers, where are they? - I put them here. 134 00:09:57,443 --> 00:09:59,434 - You sure? - There's nothing here. 135 00:09:59,612 --> 00:10:01,739 - (ZIP!) - Just the blanket and the... 136 00:10:01,915 --> 00:10:03,348 Snake! 137 00:10:03,516 --> 00:10:06,849 - Snake! - Kryten! 138 00:10:07,854 --> 00:10:11,585 - What the smeg is going on?! - I hate snakes. 139 00:10:11,758 --> 00:10:14,249 They freak me out totally, snakes. 140 00:10:14,427 --> 00:10:17,760 They are my all-time second-worst fear, guy. 141 00:10:17,931 --> 00:10:20,195 - What's your first? - (ZIP!) 142 00:10:20,633 --> 00:10:22,362 (ROARS) 143 00:10:23,303 --> 00:10:25,134 This. 144 00:10:32,545 --> 00:10:34,206 Is he OK? 145 00:10:34,714 --> 00:10:37,808 - As far as we can tell, yes. - Where'd it go? 146 00:10:37,984 --> 00:10:42,353 It turned into a squelchy thing and squidged off down the corridor. 147 00:10:42,522 --> 00:10:46,925 - What is it? Some kind of alien? - No, it's from Earth, man-made. 148 00:10:47,093 --> 00:10:51,029 I checked its DNA profile. A genetic experiment that went wrong. 149 00:10:51,197 --> 00:10:55,190 Apparently, it was an attempt to create the ultimate warrior, 150 00:10:55,368 --> 00:10:58,895 a mutant that changes shape to deceive its enemies. 151 00:10:59,072 --> 00:11:02,041 - So what did go wrong? - It's insane! 152 00:11:02,208 --> 00:11:04,540 It feeds off the negative emotions - 153 00:11:04,711 --> 00:11:08,670 fear, guilt, anger, paranoia, drains them out of its prey. 154 00:11:08,848 --> 00:11:11,248 It's a sort of emotional vampire. 155 00:11:11,417 --> 00:11:13,783 It changes shape to provoke a negative emotion. 156 00:11:13,953 --> 00:11:19,357 It took Lister to the limit of his terror, then sucked out his fear. 157 00:11:19,525 --> 00:11:22,517 - So now Lister's got no fear? - Precisely. 158 00:11:22,695 --> 00:11:26,495 - What are we going to do? - I say let's go and twat it. 159 00:11:29,502 --> 00:11:32,062 Lister, you're ill. Leave this to us. 160 00:11:33,039 --> 00:11:36,475 I could have had it, but it took me by surprise. 161 00:11:37,510 --> 00:11:41,002 Lister, it turned into an 8ft-tall armour-plated alien killing machine. 162 00:11:41,214 --> 00:11:43,546 If it wants a barney, it'll get one. 163 00:11:43,716 --> 00:11:47,277 One knee in the happy sacks, it'll drop like anyone else. 164 00:11:48,054 --> 00:11:50,386 Fine. We'll bear that in mind. 165 00:11:50,556 --> 00:11:53,821 I'm gonna beat it to death with its own tonsils. 166 00:11:54,027 --> 00:11:55,824 Yes, yes. Very good. 167 00:11:55,995 --> 00:11:58,429 I'll stick my fist so far down its gob, 168 00:11:58,598 --> 00:12:02,500 - I can pull the label off its pants. - Yes, yes. Kryten... 169 00:12:04,937 --> 00:12:06,962 What's that? You starting trouble? 170 00:12:07,140 --> 00:12:10,075 It's just something to calm you down, sir. 171 00:12:10,243 --> 00:12:12,939 Come on, then. All of you slags! 172 00:12:13,112 --> 00:12:17,549 All together or one at a time. It's all the same to me. I'm... 173 00:12:19,352 --> 00:12:23,516 Thank God for that. Right, we have two options - 174 00:12:23,689 --> 00:12:27,716 one - we take it on and kill it, or two - run away. 175 00:12:27,894 --> 00:12:31,352 - Who's for two? - Two sounds good to me, sir. 176 00:12:31,531 --> 00:12:33,522 It's always been my lucky number. 177 00:12:33,699 --> 00:12:36,497 - Right, let's load up Starbug. - What about Lister? 178 00:12:36,669 --> 00:12:40,503 Seal the hatch from the inside. He'll be safe until we go. 179 00:12:40,673 --> 00:12:44,302 - Remember, it could be anything. - Let's move it. 180 00:12:44,477 --> 00:12:49,312 What about the Space Corps directive which states that our primary duty 181 00:12:49,482 --> 00:12:53,782 is to contact other life forms and bring them home? 182 00:12:54,454 --> 00:12:58,151 What about the Rimmer directive, which states, "Never tackle anything 183 00:12:58,324 --> 00:13:02,090 "that's got more teeth than the entire Osmond family"? 184 00:13:10,103 --> 00:13:12,128 (RAPID BEEPING) 185 00:13:13,706 --> 00:13:15,537 It's here. 186 00:13:16,242 --> 00:13:18,870 - Where? - Somewhere. 187 00:13:19,612 --> 00:13:22,046 Set the bazookoids to heat-seeker. 188 00:13:23,516 --> 00:13:26,144 When you see it, aim roughly in its direction, 189 00:13:26,319 --> 00:13:29,550 and the heat-seekers will do the rest. 190 00:13:42,835 --> 00:13:46,965 In the shadows... It's in the shadows! There! There! There! 191 00:13:50,376 --> 00:13:52,970 Sorry. My fault. False alarm. 192 00:13:54,714 --> 00:13:56,545 Idiot. 193 00:14:02,989 --> 00:14:07,119 I don't understand, holograms don't produce heat. Neither do androids. 194 00:14:07,293 --> 00:14:09,659 What are they homing in on? 195 00:14:11,697 --> 00:14:13,756 So long, guys. 196 00:14:48,968 --> 00:14:51,163 Oh, come on! Give me a break! 197 00:15:01,380 --> 00:15:05,817 You either got it or you ain't, and, boys, you ain't even close. 198 00:15:06,852 --> 00:15:08,843 (LISTER) Cat, where are you? 199 00:15:09,021 --> 00:15:12,752 - Over here. - Stay put, we'll come and find you. 200 00:15:12,925 --> 00:15:15,086 Keep talking. 201 00:15:25,538 --> 00:15:28,132 What are you looking for? 202 00:15:28,307 --> 00:15:31,071 A mutant. It's dangerous. It can turn into anything. 203 00:15:31,244 --> 00:15:33,269 Oh, sounds pretty scary. 204 00:15:33,446 --> 00:15:35,471 It is, baby. Believe me. 205 00:15:36,716 --> 00:15:41,380 It must take a really brave sort of guy to do this kind of work. 206 00:15:41,554 --> 00:15:45,320 - Well, I guess you're right. - And I bet you have to be smart. 207 00:15:45,491 --> 00:15:48,153 Smart? Yeah, you definitely have to be smart. 208 00:15:48,327 --> 00:15:52,354 It can turn into anything. You gotta have your wits about you. 209 00:15:52,531 --> 00:15:57,366 Don't let up for one second, or - blip! - You're dog meat. 210 00:15:57,536 --> 00:16:02,405 - Come on, babe. - You know, you're quite a guy, 211 00:16:02,575 --> 00:16:07,103 - Brave, smart, handsome... - Oh, you think handsome? 212 00:16:07,313 --> 00:16:11,807 Oh, come on. You're probably the best-looking guy I've ever seen. 213 00:16:11,984 --> 00:16:16,944 - I wasn't going to be first to say. - Do you know what I'd really like? 214 00:16:17,123 --> 00:16:19,614 To make love to a guy like you. 215 00:16:21,927 --> 00:16:25,693 Well, I'm sure I have a window in my schedule somewhere. 216 00:16:25,865 --> 00:16:30,268 Let's see... What are you doing in, say, ten seconds time? 217 00:16:30,436 --> 00:16:35,339 - Nothing I couldn't cancel. - Hi. I'm the Cat. 218 00:16:35,508 --> 00:16:38,568 Hi. I'm the genetic mutant. 219 00:16:38,744 --> 00:16:42,180 Glad to know you. Jenny who? 220 00:16:42,348 --> 00:16:44,373 (ROARS) 221 00:16:48,688 --> 00:16:50,121 It's got him! 222 00:16:50,823 --> 00:16:54,281 Oh! Oh, my goodness! Are you all right? 223 00:16:55,094 --> 00:16:57,187 - Is he dead? - Unconscious, 224 00:16:57,363 --> 00:17:00,161 but, according to the psi-scan, he's lost an emotion. 225 00:17:00,333 --> 00:17:02,460 - Which emotion? - He's lost his vanity. 226 00:17:02,635 --> 00:17:05,627 - This is your fault, Kryten. - M-M-My fault? 227 00:17:05,805 --> 00:17:07,932 We were supposed to stick together. 228 00:17:08,107 --> 00:17:11,668 - But it wasn't... - He trusted you. Now look at him. 229 00:17:11,844 --> 00:17:14,677 - Oh, please. I feel so... - (GROWLS) Guilty? 230 00:17:14,847 --> 00:17:18,408 - Yes. - Good! (SCREECHES) 231 00:17:28,094 --> 00:17:29,686 Hah! 232 00:17:30,996 --> 00:17:32,827 (ROARS) 233 00:17:33,199 --> 00:17:34,632 Shoo! Shoo! 234 00:17:35,067 --> 00:17:36,432 (ZIP!) 235 00:17:37,503 --> 00:17:38,936 (MUTTERS) 236 00:17:41,340 --> 00:17:46,175 - Let's get out of here. - It's got my guilt, the one emotion 237 00:17:46,345 --> 00:17:50,782 which prevents my transgressing the mores of civilised society. 238 00:17:50,950 --> 00:17:53,646 Stop your blithering, Kryten. Let's go. 239 00:17:53,819 --> 00:17:55,946 Oh, screw you, hadron-head! 240 00:17:57,757 --> 00:17:59,452 (CREAKS) 241 00:17:59,859 --> 00:18:01,850 (MUTTERING) 242 00:18:04,497 --> 00:18:06,692 Where have you been? Let's go! 243 00:18:06,866 --> 00:18:09,892 (SLURS) I was getting myself comfortable, man. 244 00:18:11,704 --> 00:18:15,265 - Come on, Kryten. You're holding us all up. - Who cares? 245 00:18:15,441 --> 00:18:18,001 - You'll get us all killed. - So? 246 00:18:28,220 --> 00:18:31,553 Oh, look. It's Bonehead's mum. 247 00:18:32,725 --> 00:18:34,818 - Mother? - Hello, dear. 248 00:18:34,994 --> 00:18:38,760 - What are you doing? - What does it look like, darling? 249 00:18:38,931 --> 00:18:42,230 - You made love to my mother? - Yeah. What of it? 250 00:18:42,468 --> 00:18:46,336 - It's the polymorph! - You've just had my mum?! 251 00:18:46,505 --> 00:18:50,305 Five times. He was like a wild stallion. 252 00:18:51,410 --> 00:18:55,244 "Very prim, very proper. Almost austere." 253 00:18:56,048 --> 00:18:58,312 It's trying to make you angry. 254 00:18:58,484 --> 00:19:01,317 Darling, I wish you could have seen him in action. 255 00:19:01,487 --> 00:19:05,514 He was like a set of pistons in an ocean liner engine room. 256 00:19:05,691 --> 00:19:07,716 I think I'm going to be sick. 257 00:19:07,893 --> 00:19:11,294 - Don't get angry. - Lister and mother... 258 00:19:11,464 --> 00:19:13,625 it's a dream come true. 259 00:19:13,799 --> 00:19:15,858 He's so energetic. 260 00:19:16,035 --> 00:19:19,994 I honestly thought my false teeth were going to fall out. 261 00:19:20,172 --> 00:19:23,505 - Lovely. - The positions he bent me into! 262 00:19:23,676 --> 00:19:26,907 Terrific. That sounds enchanting. Well done. 263 00:19:27,079 --> 00:19:31,709 And the things this boy can do with Alphabetti Spaghetti. 264 00:19:31,917 --> 00:19:36,286 - Cool it, Arnie. - ALPHABETTI SPAGHETTI?! 265 00:19:52,738 --> 00:19:56,071 - Where is it now? - It's gone back to the cargo bays, 266 00:19:56,242 --> 00:20:00,975 sleeping off a four-course meal of fear, vanity, guilt and anger. 267 00:20:03,449 --> 00:20:06,941 Just because it's an armour-plated alien killing machine 268 00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:09,644 that salivates unspeakable slobber, 269 00:20:09,822 --> 00:20:12,256 doesn't mean it's a bad person. 270 00:20:12,424 --> 00:20:17,191 We need to put together a solution package over tea and biscuits. 271 00:20:17,363 --> 00:20:19,763 Look at him. You can't trust his opinion. 272 00:20:19,932 --> 00:20:21,923 He's got no anger. He's a total dork. 273 00:20:22,101 --> 00:20:26,265 Good point, Kryten. Let's take that on board, shall we? 274 00:20:26,438 --> 00:20:29,134 David? Do you have anything to say? 275 00:20:30,576 --> 00:20:32,737 Well, yes. I have, actually, Arnold. 276 00:20:32,912 --> 00:20:35,176 Let's go to the ammunition stores, 277 00:20:35,347 --> 00:20:38,942 get the nuclear warheads and then strap one to my head. 278 00:20:39,118 --> 00:20:41,348 I'll nut the smegger to oblivion. 279 00:20:42,121 --> 00:20:46,558 Right, well, that's nice, David. Let's put that on the back burner. 280 00:20:46,725 --> 00:20:49,159 Cat, let's have your contribution. Come on. 281 00:20:49,328 --> 00:20:52,729 Hey, don't ask me, I'm nobody. Just pretend I'm not here. 282 00:20:52,898 --> 00:20:57,494 That's lovely. Thank you very much. Moving on a step... 283 00:20:57,670 --> 00:21:01,333 and don't think that I'm setting myself up as chairperson. 284 00:21:01,507 --> 00:21:05,375 Just see me as a facilitator. Kryten, what's your view? 285 00:21:05,544 --> 00:21:08,104 Well, we should send Lister in as a decoy, 286 00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:10,271 and while it's eating him alive, 287 00:21:10,449 --> 00:21:13,509 we could blast it into the stratosphere. 288 00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:17,384 Good plan. That's the best plan yet. 289 00:21:17,556 --> 00:21:19,854 Let it get knackered eating me to death, 290 00:21:20,059 --> 00:21:22,084 then you guys, like, catch it unawares. 291 00:21:22,695 --> 00:21:24,993 Well, that's certainly an option, David, yes. 292 00:21:25,164 --> 00:21:29,362 Um, but here's my proposal. Let's get tough. 293 00:21:29,535 --> 00:21:31,765 The time for talking is over. 294 00:21:31,937 --> 00:21:36,203 Call it extreme, but I propose we hit it hard and hit it fast 295 00:21:36,375 --> 00:21:41,312 with a major, and I mean major, leaflet campaign. 296 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:45,576 And while it's reeling from that, we follow up with a whist drive, 297 00:21:45,751 --> 00:21:48,311 a car-boot sale, some street theatre 298 00:21:48,487 --> 00:21:50,955 and possibly even some benefit concerts. OK? 299 00:21:51,123 --> 00:21:55,219 Now, if that's not enough, I'm sorry, it's time for the T-shirts. 300 00:21:55,394 --> 00:22:00,764 "Mutants Out." "Chameleonic Life Forms? No, Thanks." 301 00:22:00,933 --> 00:22:03,163 If that's not enough, what is? 302 00:22:03,335 --> 00:22:07,738 Has anyone ever told you that you are a disgusting pus-filled bubo 303 00:22:07,906 --> 00:22:10,374 who has all the wit, charm and self-possession 304 00:22:10,542 --> 00:22:13,204 of an Alsatian dog after a head-swap operation? 305 00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:18,748 Listen, you bunch of tarts, it's clobbering time! 306 00:22:18,917 --> 00:22:22,284 There's a body bag with that scud-ball's name on it. 307 00:22:22,454 --> 00:22:26,857 I'm doing up the zip. Anyone who gets in my way gets a napalm enema. 308 00:22:28,060 --> 00:22:33,088 (SLURS) I think everybody's right, except me, so just forget I spoke. 309 00:22:33,265 --> 00:22:37,964 Um, I think we're all beginning to lose sight of the real issue here, 310 00:22:38,137 --> 00:22:41,072 which is what are we going to call ourselves? 311 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:46,337 I think it's a choice between the League Against Salivating Monsters 312 00:22:46,512 --> 00:22:48,742 or my own personal preference, 313 00:22:48,914 --> 00:22:52,475 the Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms 314 00:22:52,651 --> 00:22:55,620 and their Rehabilitation into Society. 315 00:22:55,788 --> 00:22:59,224 Erm, one drawback with that, the abbreviation is CLITORIS. 316 00:23:02,995 --> 00:23:04,963 Look, it needs killing! 317 00:23:05,130 --> 00:23:10,295 If that means I sacrifice my life in some pointless way, all the better. 318 00:23:10,469 --> 00:23:13,302 Yes. Even if it doesn't work, it'll be a laugh. 319 00:23:14,239 --> 00:23:18,141 Right, so let's just cut all of this business and get on with it. 320 00:23:18,310 --> 00:23:21,473 Last one alive's a wet ponce. Who's with me? 321 00:23:21,647 --> 00:23:24,275 Well, the car stickers aren't ready till Thursday, 322 00:23:24,450 --> 00:23:27,578 but sometimes one just has to act spontaneously. 323 00:23:27,753 --> 00:23:30,085 - People, let's go. - I'm coming, too. 324 00:23:30,255 --> 00:23:32,314 Maybe I can bum some money. 325 00:23:32,491 --> 00:23:37,326 Maybe if I hand you guys over, it'll let me go. Move it, suckers! 326 00:23:49,441 --> 00:23:51,272 (GROWLING) 327 00:24:09,995 --> 00:24:12,054 (RIMMER SINGS) Love everybody 328 00:24:12,231 --> 00:24:14,222 All you need is love... 329 00:24:14,399 --> 00:24:16,367 Come on, you chicken! 330 00:24:16,535 --> 00:24:19,971 Show us your slobbery chops and we'll blow 'em off. 331 00:24:22,074 --> 00:24:25,271 Here they are, nice juicy humans. Come and get them. 332 00:24:25,444 --> 00:24:27,935 Here, mutie-mutant! 333 00:24:29,815 --> 00:24:31,646 (GROWLS) 334 00:24:40,425 --> 00:24:42,120 (ROARS) 335 00:24:49,935 --> 00:24:52,597 Phewee! What am I wearing? 336 00:24:52,771 --> 00:24:55,501 Oh, how can you ever forgive me, sirs? 337 00:24:55,674 --> 00:24:57,938 Naturally, I will commit suicide immediately. 338 00:24:58,110 --> 00:25:01,307 Hey, we were all a bit whacked out there. 339 00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:04,142 - You can say that again. - Come on, let's clean up. 340 00:25:04,316 --> 00:25:06,511 If I don't get into evening wear, 341 00:25:06,685 --> 00:25:11,850 I'm going to have to resign my post as Most Handsome Guy on the Ship. 342 00:25:31,610 --> 00:25:33,771 (CACKLES AND ROARS) 343 00:25:37,716 --> 00:25:40,981 (SONG) It's cold outside There's no kind of atmosphere 344 00:25:41,153 --> 00:25:44,486 I'm all alone, more or less 345 00:25:44,656 --> 00:25:47,853 Let me fly far away from here 346 00:25:48,026 --> 00:25:50,688 Fun, fun, fun 347 00:25:50,863 --> 00:25:54,390 In the sun, sun, sun 348 00:25:54,566 --> 00:25:57,933 I want to lie, shipwrecked and comatose 349 00:25:58,103 --> 00:26:01,197 Drinking fresh mango juice 350 00:26:01,373 --> 00:26:04,638 Goldfish shoals, nibbling at my toes 351 00:26:04,810 --> 00:26:07,335 Fun, fun, fun 352 00:26:07,512 --> 00:26:11,243 In the sun, sun, sun 353 00:26:11,416 --> 00:26:14,078 Fun, fun, fun 354 00:26:14,253 --> 00:26:18,519 In the sun, sun, sun