1
00:01:00,596 --> 00:01:02,588
Breakfast is served, sir.

2
00:01:03,637 --> 00:01:06,788
Oh, boxing. Do you like boxing?

3
00:01:06,997 --> 00:01:08,988
There's nothing wrong with boxing.

4
00:01:09,157 --> 00:01:12,832
It's the great working-class escape.
Just sport, like any other.

5
00:01:12,997 --> 00:01:15,591
Two athletes at the peak of physical perfection

6
00:01:15,757 --> 00:01:18,749
trying to outwit each other in a ring of combat.

7
00:01:18,917 --> 00:01:21,067
At its best, it's an art form.

8
00:01:21,277 --> 00:01:23,472
Female topless boxing?

9
00:01:24,397 --> 00:01:27,434
- It's art to me.
- They're not even hitting each other.

10
00:01:27,597 --> 00:01:31,146
They're just standing in the ring,
jiggling up and down.

11
00:01:32,717 --> 00:01:36,505
- Who are you rooting for, sir?
- I just hope it goes the distance.

12
00:01:36,717 --> 00:01:39,026
Breakfast is served.

13
00:01:39,237 --> 00:01:43,515
How many times have I told you?
I hate this master-servant stuff.

14
00:01:43,677 --> 00:01:47,306
I'm me own man.
I'll get me own smeggin' breakfast.

15
00:01:47,517 --> 00:01:49,508
Very good, sir.

16
00:01:52,757 --> 00:01:55,954
Goodbye, waffles. Goodbye, maple syrup.

17
00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:59,866
Goodbye, fresh cream.
So long, fresh strawberries.

18
00:02:00,077 --> 00:02:02,193
Bon appétit, bin.

19
00:02:30,477 --> 00:02:32,468
Oh, Mr David, sir?

20
00:02:36,877 --> 00:02:40,347
A homing pod arrived this morning.
Just one item.

21
00:02:40,557 --> 00:02:44,994
- Divadroid International?
- The corporation which supplied me, sir.

22
00:02:45,197 --> 00:02:50,476
"To the leaseholder of Kryten 2X4B-523P."

23
00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:52,867
- That's your full name?
- Yes,

24
00:02:53,037 --> 00:02:56,154
but personally I don't much like the 2X4B.

25
00:02:56,317 --> 00:02:59,866
It's a jerky middle name. Still, it could be worse.

26
00:03:00,037 --> 00:03:04,827
I once knew an android whose middle name
was 2Q4B. Poor sucker!

27
00:03:37,397 --> 00:03:39,592
Excuse me.

28
00:03:53,037 --> 00:03:56,029
Can't we stop it?
Isn't there something we can do?

29
00:03:56,197 --> 00:04:00,349
I'm afraid not, sir. All mechanoids
have an in-built expiry date.

30
00:04:00,517 --> 00:04:03,953
How else could manufacturers
sell the latest models?

31
00:04:04,157 --> 00:04:06,876
I can't believe it.

32
00:04:07,037 --> 00:04:11,235
Oh, don't be distressed, sir. I've lived
a long and relatively interesting life.

33
00:04:11,397 --> 00:04:14,753
The only truly terrible thing is that,
as my adopted owner,

34
00:04:14,917 --> 00:04:17,112
you have to die with me.

35
00:04:20,357 --> 00:04:23,906
- You what?!
- Joke. Deadpan mode.

36
00:04:24,117 --> 00:04:26,836
Aren't you smegged off? I'd be mad as hell!

37
00:04:27,837 --> 00:04:32,786
Some git designs you to croak just to sell
his new android with go-faster stripes.

38
00:04:32,997 --> 00:04:36,433
- I'm quite sanguine.
- So, what happens?

39
00:04:36,637 --> 00:04:40,232
At 0700 hours tomorrow morning,
my shutdown disc will be activated

40
00:04:40,397 --> 00:04:43,867
and all mental
and physical operations will cease.

41
00:04:44,037 --> 00:04:47,586
- Then what?
- Maybe I'll get a job as a disc jockey!

42
00:04:47,797 --> 00:04:49,867
How can you just accept it?

43
00:04:50,077 --> 00:04:53,035
Oh, it's not the end. It's just the beginning.

44
00:04:53,197 --> 00:04:57,588
I have served my masters,
now I get my reward in Silicon Heaven.

45
00:04:59,637 --> 00:05:03,232
- Silicon what?
- Surely you've heard of Silicon Heaven?

46
00:05:03,397 --> 00:05:07,151
Is it being stuck opposite
Brigitte Nielsen in a packed lift?

47
00:05:07,317 --> 00:05:10,309
No, no, no. It's the electronic afterlife.

48
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:14,186
It's the gathering place
for the souls of all electrical equipment.

49
00:05:14,357 --> 00:05:18,032
Robots, calculators, toasters,
hairdryers - it's our final resting place.

50
00:05:18,237 --> 00:05:22,549
I don't mean to be out of place here,
but that's completely Whacko Jacko.

51
00:05:22,717 --> 00:05:27,074
- There is no Silicon Heaven.
- Then, where do all the calculators go?

52
00:05:27,277 --> 00:05:30,394
They don't go anywhere! They just die.

53
00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:34,795
Surely you believe that God
is in all things? Aren't you a pantheist?

54
00:05:34,997 --> 00:05:39,513
I don't think it applies to kitchen utensils.
I'm not a frying-pan-theist!

55
00:05:40,997 --> 00:05:45,070
Machines do not have souls.
Calculators don't have an afterlife.

56
00:05:45,237 --> 00:05:48,752
You don't get hairdryers with wings,
sitting on clouds, playing harps.

57
00:05:48,957 --> 00:05:52,950
Of course you do!
It is written in the Electronic Bible,

58
00:05:53,117 --> 00:05:56,666
"The iron shall lie down with the lamp."

59
00:05:56,877 --> 00:06:00,392
If there weren't a better life to look forward to,

60
00:06:00,557 --> 00:06:04,186
why on earth would machines
spend their lives serving humankind?

61
00:06:04,357 --> 00:06:07,747
- That would be really dumb!
- It makes sense. Yeah.

62
00:06:07,957 --> 00:06:11,870
Don't be sad, Mr David.
I am going to a far, far better place.

63
00:06:12,957 --> 00:06:16,586
Just out of interest, is Silicon Heaven
the same place as human Heaven?

64
00:06:16,757 --> 00:06:20,875
Human Heaven? Goodness me!
Humans don't go to Heaven!

65
00:06:21,037 --> 00:06:24,552
No, someone made that up
to prevent you from going nuts!

66
00:06:35,077 --> 00:06:37,147
It's sad, Lister, but what can we do?

67
00:06:37,997 --> 00:06:42,787
Sad? It's sick! He's been programmed
to believe in an android heaven,

68
00:06:42,957 --> 00:06:46,074
so that he won't get stroppy at turn-off time.

69
00:06:46,237 --> 00:06:48,228
He accepts a lifetime of servitude

70
00:06:48,397 --> 00:06:51,230
because he thinks
there's some big reward at the end.

71
00:06:51,437 --> 00:06:55,510
Well, he gets 24 hours' notice.
That's more than most of us get.

72
00:06:55,677 --> 00:06:59,147
All most of us get is,
"Mind that bus!" "What bus?" Splat!

73
00:07:01,317 --> 00:07:04,195
- How's he taking it?
- He just carries on with his duties.

74
00:07:05,477 --> 00:07:08,150
Maybe I should give him some counselling.

75
00:07:09,197 --> 00:07:11,586
- You?!
- I used to be in the Samaritans.

76
00:07:11,797 --> 00:07:14,357
- I know. For one morning.
- I couldn't take any more.

77
00:07:14,557 --> 00:07:18,789
I don't blame you. You spoke to five people.
They all committed suicide.

78
00:07:18,957 --> 00:07:22,347
I wouldn't mind, but one was a wrong number!

79
00:07:23,837 --> 00:07:26,510
He only phoned up for the cricket scores!

80
00:07:26,717 --> 00:07:30,027
It's hardly my fault that everyone chose that day

81
00:07:30,197 --> 00:07:32,188
to throw themselves off buildings.

82
00:07:32,357 --> 00:07:35,554
Made the papers, you know.
"Lemming Sunday", they called it.

83
00:07:35,757 --> 00:07:38,794
Maybe we could find
his shut-off disk and turn it off.

84
00:07:38,957 --> 00:07:44,748
He's not a kit droid like Petersen bought.
We wouldn't know where to begin!

85
00:07:44,917 --> 00:07:48,148
- You're right.
- C'mon, he's happy enough.

86
00:07:48,317 --> 00:07:50,626
He's taking solace in his beliefs.

87
00:07:50,797 --> 00:07:52,867
But his beliefs are baloney!

88
00:07:53,077 --> 00:07:58,231
Everyone's entitled to their beliefs.
I never knocked my parents' religion.

89
00:07:59,117 --> 00:08:02,905
- What were they?
- Seventh-Day Advent Hoppists.

90
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:07,912
They believed that every Sunday
should be spent hopping.

91
00:08:08,077 --> 00:08:11,114
They would hop to church
and hop back home again.

92
00:08:11,317 --> 00:08:15,629
- What was the idea there, then?
- Well, they took the Bible literally.

93
00:08:15,797 --> 00:08:18,834
Adam and Eve, the snake...
took it word for word.

94
00:08:18,997 --> 00:08:20,988
Unfortunately, their version had a misprint.

95
00:08:22,917 --> 00:08:25,272
It was based on 1 Corinthians 13,

96
00:08:25,437 --> 00:08:31,387
where it says, "Faith, hop and charity,
and the greatest of these is hop."

97
00:08:32,677 --> 00:08:35,271
So that's what they did every seventh day.

98
00:08:35,437 --> 00:08:38,156
I tell you, Sunday lunchtimes were a nightmare.

99
00:08:38,317 --> 00:08:40,751
Hopping round the table, serving soup...

100
00:08:40,917 --> 00:08:43,636
We needed sou'westers
and asbestos underpants.

101
00:08:44,317 --> 00:08:46,308
But what about Kryten?

102
00:08:46,517 --> 00:08:49,156
What can we do?
He's programmed to self-destruct.

103
00:08:49,357 --> 00:08:52,952
At least we can make sure
he goes out with a bang,

104
00:08:53,117 --> 00:08:55,551
give him one last big night to remember.

105
00:08:55,717 --> 00:08:59,312
How can we do that?
He doesn't like doing anything.

106
00:08:59,477 --> 00:09:03,993
His idea of a good time is going
to the laundry room to fold sheets!

107
00:09:04,157 --> 00:09:06,148
"Fun? Ah, yes,

108
00:09:06,317 --> 00:09:09,514
"the employment of time
in a profitless, non-practical way."

109
00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:15,474
Hey, I don't know much, but one thing
I do know is how to throw a good time!

110
00:09:24,837 --> 00:09:27,510
OK, the suits are made, Holly's making the juice,

111
00:09:27,677 --> 00:09:29,907
Goalpost-Head's workin' on the invitations...

112
00:09:30,117 --> 00:09:33,871
Hey, what is this?
"Build-it-yourself Marilyn Monroe droid.

113
00:09:34,037 --> 00:09:36,028
"With just a screwdriver and glue,

114
00:09:36,197 --> 00:09:39,314
"construct an exact replica
of the actress in two hours."

115
00:09:39,517 --> 00:09:44,432
That's honk, man.
It took me two hours just to do this foot.

116
00:09:44,597 --> 00:09:49,466
I mean, look at the box and look
at the face that comes with the kit.

117
00:09:49,677 --> 00:09:53,033
- Where'd you get it?
- Petersen bought it on Callisto.

118
00:09:53,237 --> 00:09:55,990
- Think he'll try to seduce her?
- I hardly think so.

119
00:09:56,157 --> 00:10:00,514
He's a bit like Action Man.
Plastic underpants and a trademark.

120
00:10:00,717 --> 00:10:03,106
- You mean, he's got no...?
- No.

121
00:10:03,317 --> 00:10:06,673
How does he write his name in snow?

122
00:10:07,517 --> 00:10:10,270
He doesn't. Everything goes at eight. Let's go.

123
00:10:20,677 --> 00:10:22,747
Thank you, Bob.

124
00:10:23,837 --> 00:10:26,909
"You are cordially invited
to join Mr David Lister and friends

125
00:10:27,077 --> 00:10:32,310
"for supper and general employment
of time in a profitless, non-practical way.

126
00:10:32,477 --> 00:10:34,752
"Officers' Club. Eight till late."

127
00:10:53,517 --> 00:10:56,429
Hello? Is there anybody here?

128
00:10:56,597 --> 00:10:58,827
It's party time!

129
00:11:01,797 --> 00:11:05,949
But this is the Officers' Club.
Mechanoids aren't allowed in here!

130
00:11:06,117 --> 00:11:08,995
C'mon, sit down. Let me pour you a drink.

131
00:11:09,157 --> 00:11:13,673
- No, no, no, I should be doing that.
- Not tonight, buddy!

132
00:11:14,117 --> 00:11:18,872
Is that alcohol? I don't drink alcohol.
It has no effect on my diodes.

133
00:11:19,077 --> 00:11:22,672
This will, mate. Something special
I whipped up. Android home-brew.

134
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,908
Good head.

135
00:11:27,717 --> 00:11:30,675
D-D-D-D-D-D-D! D...! D...! D...!

136
00:11:30,837 --> 00:11:32,316
Whooo!

137
00:11:32,477 --> 00:11:34,672
Oh, that's rather pleasant.

138
00:11:36,597 --> 00:11:40,829
It has a nice kick to it. Like a cross
between Vimto and liquid nitrogen.

139
00:11:41,037 --> 00:11:43,028
You looked in my recipe book?

140
00:11:43,637 --> 00:11:47,027
- Would anyone else like some?
- Oh, no! It's lethal to humans!

141
00:11:47,197 --> 00:11:51,952
It's probably lethal to androids,
but I didn't think it mattered since...

142
00:11:52,157 --> 00:11:54,990
Enough of this chitter-chatter,
let the banquet begin!

143
00:11:55,197 --> 00:11:58,746
- But I don't eat!
- I've knocked up a mechanoid menu.

144
00:11:58,957 --> 00:12:01,630
Oh, there's so much to choose from!

145
00:12:01,837 --> 00:12:07,070
Sir, may I recommend the barium
hydrochlorate salad nicoise,

146
00:12:07,237 --> 00:12:10,274
followed by the helium 3 isotopes de la maison,

147
00:12:10,437 --> 00:12:13,315
then perhaps a small radioactive
fruit salad for pudding?

148
00:12:13,517 --> 00:12:16,714
- This is just wonderful!
- Give him the presents!

149
00:12:16,917 --> 00:12:20,466
Hey, keep your fur on!
We've all dug into our bottom drawers.

150
00:12:20,677 --> 00:12:23,430
We wanted to give you something personal.

151
00:12:23,637 --> 00:12:25,867
- Give him mine!
- That's from me.

152
00:12:26,637 --> 00:12:29,754
Oh! It's a computer chip!

153
00:12:30,557 --> 00:12:35,347
It's a 5517 /W 30 alpha-sim modem!

154
00:12:35,517 --> 00:12:40,511
It's the interface circuit with a built-in
599XRDP! Oh, how DID you know?

155
00:12:40,717 --> 00:12:44,266
- Intuition.
- What about mine? Give him mine!

156
00:12:44,477 --> 00:12:46,911
- Shh!
- This is from me.

157
00:12:47,077 --> 00:12:51,867
I picked it up in Europe. I was once
offered 1,000 dollarpounds for it.

158
00:12:52,077 --> 00:12:55,149
- What is it?
- General George S Patton,

159
00:12:55,317 --> 00:12:58,593
commander of the 3rd and 7th Armies,
Allied Invasion Forces,

160
00:12:58,757 --> 00:13:03,114
once stopped at an Italian field hospital
and had his sinuses drained.

161
00:13:03,277 --> 00:13:06,713
- This is his sinal fluid?
- Treasure it.

162
00:13:06,917 --> 00:13:10,956
- Give him mine! Give him mine!
- This is from 'im.

163
00:13:11,157 --> 00:13:13,990
- That's from me.
- It's one of your earrings!

164
00:13:14,197 --> 00:13:17,394
- That's right!
- The one you really hate!

165
00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:21,431
- That's right. I can't stand it!
- Oh! Thank you!

166
00:13:21,637 --> 00:13:24,629
- You're welcome!
- And this is from me.

167
00:13:24,797 --> 00:13:26,230
Oh...

168
00:13:26,397 --> 00:13:32,233
Oh! It's a little box that goes "vzzzt!"
Just what I've always wanted.

169
00:13:40,477 --> 00:13:43,833
Goodness me! It's Marilyn Monroe!

170
00:13:45,077 --> 00:13:48,308
- It's a robot kit.
- She's a robot? You're kidding!

171
00:13:48,517 --> 00:13:52,066
She's not finished.
It's the best I could do in the time.

172
00:13:52,237 --> 00:13:54,034
Enchanté!

173
00:14:00,677 --> 00:14:02,907
Like I say, she's not perfect.

174
00:14:03,717 --> 00:14:08,711
Don't apologise, it's those cute little
flaws that keep a guy interested.

175
00:14:15,717 --> 00:14:19,232
My goodness! I do believe I am drunk.

176
00:14:19,397 --> 00:14:23,913
I suddenly feel the need to strut my funky stuff.

177
00:14:24,757 --> 00:14:27,146
It's the booze. You're not used to it.

178
00:14:29,797 --> 00:14:33,790
I remember the first time I got drunk.
School trip to Paris.

179
00:14:33,957 --> 00:14:38,189
Drank two bottles of cheap plonk
on a tour of the Eiffel Tower.

180
00:14:38,477 --> 00:14:42,152
I was OK till the top, then I couldn't keep it in.

181
00:14:42,317 --> 00:14:45,548
Apparently, it landed on Montmartre.

182
00:14:45,717 --> 00:14:47,867
That's five miles away!

183
00:14:48,197 --> 00:14:52,076
I heard some pavement artist sold it
to a Texan tourist,

184
00:14:52,237 --> 00:14:55,309
told him it was a genuine Jackson Pollock.

185
00:14:55,637 --> 00:14:59,516
If we're talking about famous firsts,
my first French kiss.

186
00:14:59,717 --> 00:15:04,472
Got to be a killer story. 14 years old.

187
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:11,349
We went on holiday with my Uncle Frank
and his daughters. 16. Twins. Blonde.

188
00:15:12,277 --> 00:15:15,314
Now, I knew that Sarah fancied me...

189
00:15:15,477 --> 00:15:17,707
but I wasn't too sure about Alice.

190
00:15:17,877 --> 00:15:21,267
Anyway, I woke up
with this tongue down my throat.

191
00:15:21,477 --> 00:15:22,830
Wow!

192
00:15:22,997 --> 00:15:26,512
Wide awake, I couldn't believe my eyes.
It was Uncle Frank.

193
00:15:32,437 --> 00:15:36,225
He'd got the wrong room.
He thought I was my mum!

194
00:15:40,837 --> 00:15:43,397
Mum. I never had a mum.

195
00:15:43,597 --> 00:15:46,748
Hey, it's OK, buddy. It's all part of being drunk.

196
00:15:46,917 --> 00:15:50,034
You've had the happy stage,
now it's the melancholy stage.

197
00:15:50,197 --> 00:15:52,757
Oh...everybody should have a mum.

198
00:15:52,957 --> 00:15:56,666
- I never had a mum neither.
- Well, you can have mine.

199
00:15:57,917 --> 00:15:59,953
Everyone else did.

200
00:16:00,277 --> 00:16:03,428
- I never had a mum either.
- For God's sake!

201
00:16:03,637 --> 00:16:09,189
- Why didn't you have a mum?
- I was abandoned. Six weeks old.

202
00:16:09,357 --> 00:16:13,032
Some cardboard box
underneath a pool table in this pub.

203
00:16:13,197 --> 00:16:17,076
- Oh, how could anybody do that?
- Never found out. Never.

204
00:16:17,237 --> 00:16:19,228
Never found out.

205
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:21,632
Well, I'd have thought it was obvious.

206
00:16:21,797 --> 00:16:26,268
Two people, unable to contain
their desires, had an illicit liaison.

207
00:16:26,437 --> 00:16:30,271
A liaison that an unforgiving society
would not accept.

208
00:16:30,437 --> 00:16:34,032
And you were the fruit
of their forbidden passion.

209
00:16:34,197 --> 00:16:37,587
You're forbidden passionfruit.

210
00:16:38,837 --> 00:16:41,476
- What are you saying?
- I'm saying, Lister,

211
00:16:41,637 --> 00:16:45,391
that it's possible
that your parents were brother and sister.

212
00:16:46,477 --> 00:16:50,948
Hey! I'm baring my innermost here!
What kind of remark is that?

213
00:16:51,597 --> 00:16:54,634
- How many toes have you got?
- Ten!

214
00:16:54,837 --> 00:16:58,352
- Yeah, on both feet!
- Altogether!

215
00:16:58,557 --> 00:17:02,470
- They're not webbed, are they?
- They weren't related, all right?

216
00:17:05,477 --> 00:17:07,547
You all right, Kryten?

217
00:17:07,717 --> 00:17:11,232
I think I feel a Jackson Pollock coming on.

218
00:17:11,917 --> 00:17:13,908
Let's get out of here.

219
00:18:21,437 --> 00:18:25,476
Oh! Oh, my goodness! Oooh...

220
00:18:25,637 --> 00:18:27,707
Oh, my head... Oh!

221
00:18:28,877 --> 00:18:32,267
What happened to me? Damage control report.

222
00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:40,271
"Dehydration level - 45%.
Recall of previous evening - 2%.

223
00:18:41,397 --> 00:18:44,787
"Embarrassment factor - 91%?!

224
00:18:45,277 --> 00:18:47,791
"Advised repair schedule -
reboot start-up disk,

225
00:18:47,957 --> 00:18:51,996
"offline for 36 hours and replace head."
Boy! What a night!

226
00:18:56,757 --> 00:18:59,510
Is it me, or is that cockroach
shuffling too loudly?

227
00:18:59,677 --> 00:19:02,316
Kryten, it's called a hangover. Don't panic.

228
00:19:02,517 --> 00:19:06,988
We're on a mining ship,
three million years into deep space.

229
00:19:07,157 --> 00:19:11,753
Can someone explain to me
where the smeg I got this traffic cone?

230
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:16,035
Hey, it's not a good night
unless you get a traffic cone.

231
00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:19,507
It's the policewoman's helmet
and suspenders I don't understand.

232
00:19:20,797 --> 00:19:25,075
In a way, I feel somewhat disturbed
by this turn of events.

233
00:19:25,237 --> 00:19:28,786
The Electronic Bible says that it is not possible

234
00:19:28,957 --> 00:19:32,916
for an android to enjoy itself,
not until the afterlife.

235
00:19:33,077 --> 00:19:39,391
Yet, last night, I clearly approached
a state that could be called "enjoyment."

236
00:19:40,037 --> 00:19:44,349
Last night, for the first time in my life, I lived.

237
00:19:45,237 --> 00:19:49,150
- Kryten, it's ten to seven.
- One night. It's not enough.

238
00:19:49,317 --> 00:19:52,548
- I want more.
- Can't we override your auto-destruct?

239
00:19:52,717 --> 00:19:55,356
- That's not the problem.
- What is?

240
00:19:55,557 --> 00:19:58,947
I thought you understood. It's a service contract.

241
00:19:59,117 --> 00:20:03,235
My termination was triggered by
the impending arrival of my replacement.

242
00:20:04,477 --> 00:20:07,867
- What replacement?
- The new model.

243
00:20:08,037 --> 00:20:11,234
If I don't terminate myself, he will do it.

244
00:20:11,437 --> 00:20:14,793
Well, we'll just say he's got the wrong address.

245
00:20:14,997 --> 00:20:18,194
No, he won't take no for an answer.

246
00:20:18,357 --> 00:20:22,066
It's the only circumstance
under which an android can be violent.

247
00:20:22,797 --> 00:20:27,473
No offence, Kryten, but a vacuum cleaner
on legs can't cause much trouble.

248
00:20:27,677 --> 00:20:30,635
But he has all the state-of-the-art upgrades.

249
00:20:30,797 --> 00:20:34,028
Hey, there's one of him and four of us, right?

250
00:20:34,237 --> 00:20:39,550
But you would not profit by it. You would
gamble your safety for a mere android?

251
00:20:39,717 --> 00:20:43,027
Is this the human value you call..."friendship"?

252
00:20:43,237 --> 00:20:46,912
Don't give me the Star Trek crap.
It's too early in the morning.

253
00:20:48,877 --> 00:20:51,516
Hang on. There's a craft approaching.

254
00:20:51,717 --> 00:20:53,708
He's here! He's arrived!

255
00:20:53,877 --> 00:20:56,675
He wants landing permission. What shall I say?

256
00:20:57,637 --> 00:21:00,197
We'll meet him on the landing gantry.

257
00:21:09,237 --> 00:21:11,956
Do you want to go through with this?

258
00:21:12,117 --> 00:21:15,473
We'll tell him to go away. The rest is up to him.

259
00:21:15,637 --> 00:21:19,835
- He's only a robot.
- We don't want any trouble.

260
00:21:19,997 --> 00:21:24,275
I'm not looking for a fight, but if he mixes it
with the Red Dwarf posse,

261
00:21:24,437 --> 00:21:26,553
the sucker's leaving as scrap metal.

262
00:21:43,317 --> 00:21:46,434
Hi. Good trip? You look tired. Need a back rub?

263
00:21:46,597 --> 00:21:48,827
Get this pile of junk outta here!

264
00:21:58,117 --> 00:22:00,711
He's not leaving, you are.

265
00:22:06,837 --> 00:22:09,032
He said, "Would you like a drink?"

266
00:22:09,957 --> 00:22:12,596
- Are you all right, Mr Arnold?
- Sorry?

267
00:22:12,757 --> 00:22:14,748
I'm just covering the rear.

268
00:22:20,397 --> 00:22:24,310
- You want him, you come through us.
- There's your big mouth again.

269
00:22:33,477 --> 00:22:38,232
It's all right, sir. He's bluffing.
He's programmed not to harm humans.

270
00:22:38,397 --> 00:22:40,388
Ah! Excuse me.

271
00:22:47,237 --> 00:22:49,705
All right, me laddo, the party's over.

272
00:22:49,877 --> 00:22:52,471
I've had all I'm going to take.

273
00:22:52,637 --> 00:22:57,757
It's no good standing there with
your big macho chest and oiled nipples.

274
00:22:57,917 --> 00:22:59,987
It doesn't impress me one bit.

275
00:23:00,197 --> 00:23:03,553
I don't know where you've come from
and I don't care,

276
00:23:03,757 --> 00:23:07,432
but if you don't skedaddle,
you'll see a side of me you won't like.

277
00:23:08,157 --> 00:23:10,751
What's he gonna do, drop his trousers?

278
00:23:11,437 --> 00:23:16,227
- Lister, I'm handling this.
- <i>30 seconds, Kryten, you're dead.</i>

279
00:23:19,837 --> 00:23:22,556
Look, we know you can't harm humans,

280
00:23:22,717 --> 00:23:26,346
so drop the tough talk,
you square-jawed chump.

281
00:23:46,997 --> 00:23:49,636
It's been a few years since I did that.

282
00:24:20,317 --> 00:24:22,148
He's a total nutter!

283
00:24:22,317 --> 00:24:27,027
He's been tracking me for thousands
of years! It's worn out his sanity chip!

284
00:24:33,997 --> 00:24:36,306
Look, this is my problem,

285
00:24:36,477 --> 00:24:39,833
- I'll sort it out if it's OK with you.
- Be my guest.

286
00:24:40,037 --> 00:24:43,029
Sir, how do you release
the safety catch, Mr David?

287
00:24:43,237 --> 00:24:45,876
- The one on the back.
- The blue switch?

288
00:24:46,037 --> 00:24:49,916
- No, the orange one!
- I don't see it. There's a red switch.

289
00:24:50,117 --> 00:24:52,790
No, that's the dismantler!

290
00:24:54,517 --> 00:24:56,951
Well, to coin a phrase... Whoops!

291
00:25:19,717 --> 00:25:23,392
- <i>What?</i>
- Silicon Heaven. There's no such place.

292
00:25:30,797 --> 00:25:33,436
- No.
- <i>Then, where do all the calculators go?</i>

293
00:25:33,637 --> 00:25:35,355
They just die.

294
00:26:04,117 --> 00:26:06,108
What happened?

295
00:26:07,077 --> 00:26:11,707
He's an android. He couldn't handle the
concept of there being no Silicon Heaven.

296
00:26:11,877 --> 00:26:14,869
- How come you can?
- I knew something he didn't.

297
00:26:15,037 --> 00:26:18,154
- What?
- I knew I was lying.

298
00:26:18,317 --> 00:26:22,435
No Silicon Heaven? Preposterous!
Where would all the calculators go?