THE GREEN BUTCHERS
- Don't take one before they're done. - Shit!
Relax!
There are only three small ones for each.
- Now you mixed them. That's not very bright. - You know that.
Let me tell you, that wasn't very smart.
Hi, Bjarne. This is Beate.
She's a teacher at Tina's school.
- I thought it would only be us. - She just dropped by.
Come on over and sit down, Bjarne.
- Bjarne is shy. - I know what that's like.
- So, opening your own shop, huh? - It's a big challenge.
- Svend is really bad with problems. - What?
- I am not. What do you mean? - When you don't get attention...
- Then what? What? - Whatever.
And why shouldn't it work?
If Holger can succeed, so can we.
- He has his deer sausage. - You say "sausage" all the time.
- What do you have? - My marinade.
Are we going to eat that tenderloin or not?
Give Bjarne a steak.
Isn't it tough to be a butcher?
Isn't it a mess of blood and stuff?
- No. - It must be exciting too.
How many pigs could you slaughter in one day?
How many do you think, Bjarne?
1, 100.
1, 100?
Have you always wanted to be a butcher?
It must be lonely in that kitchen with all that blood and...
What are you doing? Did you just kick me?
Shit! What the fuck are you doing?
- Why did you invite me? - You need professional help.
- I'm not up for that shit. - You don't have to kick her!
That's just your version.
Beate, don't be overly sensitive.
And also two deer sausages. They are absolutely marvelous.
What is your secret, if I may ask?
It's a long story. I've always been fascinated by sausages.
It's almost mythological to kill an animal...
and then mock it by sticking it in its own intestine.
Can you imagine anything worse than being stuck up your own ass?
No, I don't think so.
That's one of our small pleasures.
He's doing it again. No, no, no.
Look. He's doing it again.
Bjarne, you can't run a business like that.
I don't get why people come back.
- They want the sausage. - Don't say "sausage" all the time.
I can make a sausage way better that this bunch of junk.
What did you say, asshole?
Nothing.
Delusions of grandeur, huh?
Svend is just talking. It's nothing.
You are an embarrassment to me.
What do you mean by that?
I can't sell Bjarne's pâté. It tastes like jockstrap...
and your marinade and meatballs aren't flying over the counter.
My marinade may need some work, but don't disparage my meatballs.
They are so fucking tough that you could blow them up like balloons.
Let me stand behind the counter.
Why should we be hidden away?
You'll never stand behind the counter,
and do you know why?
Because you sweat, and you're too disgusting.
This isn't working. Can't you see it?
We need to open our own shop.
Svend, you have sausage on your head again.
- Hello again. - Hello.
- This is my partner Bjarne. - Hello.
Hans Petersen. Just call me House Hans. You can just ponder why for a moment.
- Yes. - Isn't it because you sell houses?
Yes. Yes.
Bjarne, come on out here and have a look.
There you have it. Look here.
Here we have a bone crusher. Look at these tiles.
They're almost intact. Come on.
We just need a bit of beef here, some pig there and some chickens here.
Svend, relax.
What do you say?
It's fine, but it's a lot of money.
- What do you mean? - Two million is a lot of money.
That's a strange number to throw around.
He said one million each.
- Yes, and that makes two million. - I don't want to discuss that.
I'm planning to mortgage my house all the way.
I don't have a house. What am I supposed to do?
- Then it just stops here. - What do you want me to do?
FJELDSTED SANATORIUM
SANATORIUM
If we had known you were coming, we would have cut his hair.
It's okay.
The resemblance is uncanny.
It is with many twins. I think it's pretty common.
Yes, so...
He's in here.
You've never been here before, have you?
No. I haven't seen him for seven years.
- He'll never wake up again, will he? - No. He's completely brain dead.
- Then turn him off. - Why, all of a sudden?
It's the best decision. His organs will benefit others.
But you never answered our letters.
I don't open all my mail.
- I wrote you a letter every month. - Really? Can't you just turn it off?
Of course.
- But may I ask... - I need money.
He has one million from our parents that I'll get as his only heir.
- When he's just lying there... - Of course. It's best for everybody.
Fine.
What was he like?
When you look at someone each day, you wonder what they were like.
No. It's crooked again. Are you really unable to see that?
Give me a break. It looks fine.
Fine? Is fine okay? I don't think so.
Let me tell you, you can't drink 19 beers
and then judge whether something is straight.
Come. Do it over.
It's nice and straight now, huh? It looks fine.
Now it's okay. Secure it properly.
Exactly. Just like that.
- Don't we need light in here? - Yes, when we find an electrician.
- What happened to the one we had? - I fired him.
He was yakking constantly, and that doesn't fix the light. Come.
Please close the door.
Our business cards have arrived.
They're just right. With gold print and everything.
Just hand them out to people you meet.
- Who am I going to meet? - You'll sort it out.
I bought 5,000, so just get busy.
Hello.
Isn't it nice? I've cleaned it up a bit.
- Oh. - People come on the anniversary.
I noticed that it was seven years ago today.
You don't come here often?
No. It's my first time.
I thought that they were down there.
- Is it your parents? - Yes.
- And your sister? - No.
She was my wife.
Oh, okay.
Was it a car accident?
How did you know?
It almost always is when they've died on the same day.
I don't want to disturb you. I always ask too many questions.
It's okay.
Thank you for tidying up.
You're welcome.
Excuse me.
Do you want to open a butcher shop with me?
- What? - We're opening a shop tomorrow.
And... Let me give you a card.
We've had these cards made.
Oops.
Oh, well...
I have to give them to people. Do you want to come?
Astrid, are you coming or what?
- We don't have all day. - No, sorry.
- I can't come. - Oh.
I've got two cremations tomorrow.
I know what that's like.
What was that? What did you just do with that meatball?
If we eat them all, there won't be any for the customers.
I shouldn't have to waste half my opening hours telling you that.
- And what is that? - Napkins for the customers.
No, it certainly isn't!
It will ruin the entire presentation.
Could you just glance at the color of the counter? It's green, isn't it?
And the balloons? They're green.
Stop it, Svend! Or I'll leave and there won't be any fucking wedding.
I'm not keeping any people away.
Excuse me. We've been playing for two hours.
- The drum has a ferry to catch. - Is that so?
Then just get the fuck out of here.
Take your fucking music and get lost.
Fuck off with your shitty music.
- You can't treat them like that. - Oh, yes, I can.
- You're an asshole. - Relax.
It isn't Svend's fault that you bought the wrong napkins.
Exactly.
That's what I've been saying. But you don't listen to me, Tina.
I had a point, didn't I?
And then you just run out. I had a point, didn't I?
What am I doing wrong? I thought I did everything right.
We have offers and decorations. Why don't we have any customers?
- I have to take a dump. - Yes, do that.
Do that.
- It's damn cold in there. - It's a meat locker.
I'll just get my coat.
It's going to take some time. The wiring is a mess.
Taste this marinade.
- Taste this marinade. - No.
Smell this marinade.
It smells good, doesn't it?
I smoke 20 joints a day.
I wouldn't be able to smell it if my hair was on fire.
Are you just going to sit there? How about doing something productive?
- Have you given out your card? - Yes.
Yes? How many?
I don't know. A few.
BUTCHER
- Go on in, Svend. - Promise you'll be there tonight.
No, I won't be.
Go on.
It's absurd to break up now.
I'm on the verge of breaking through to an enormous number of customers.
It's barbecue season. It's no time to break up.
- People want steaks and... - Don't talk about steaks!
Why do you say that? I haven't mentioned steaks.
This isn't about steaks or other meat dishes.
We're just not right for each other.
You're just like everybody else. You don't like me either.
I lost my parents when I was very young.
Enough with the parents.
I'll make sure to get my stuff out before you come home.
If you really feel like that, then why haven't you left?
Why are you still sitting here?
- Just get out of the car. - Don't count on seeing me tonight.
- No. - I'll get out of the car.
But I know you. You can't manage without the sweet life.
Just sit there and be a martyr.
Let's see you drive off, or is it just empty threats?
Leave, Tina. Leave.
- Holger. - So this is where you live.
No expense spared, huh?
I'll just force my way
through this swarm of well-paying customers.
We're not open. Bjarne isn't here yet.
We don't open until he's here.
Stop it, Svend. So how is business?
- Do you have many customers? - Yes, I think so.
Great. Then you don't have to stand there sweating like a pig.
Please leave, Holger. I would like that.
It's my right to be here. I need to buy something.
No, you don't. Please leave.
Show me what you can do.
The Rotary board of directors
are coming to dinner at my house.
We'll be 12 plus me.
Can you manage that,
or is this just mahogany and gleaming tiles?
Svend Sweat.
Hello?
What?
Fuck!
Shit!
There, there.
- Let's pull ourselves together. - Yes.
It was an accident.
We'll just have to report it.
This isn't good. This isn't good at all.
Listen, we'll just tell it like it is.
It'll be okay. It'll be okay.
There should be a handle on the inside.
This isn't good. This isn't good.
Where is his leg?
- I don't know. - Listen to me.
Why does he have one leg missing?
It was because Holger came.
Tina has left me because she says that I talk too much about steaks.
- What have you done? - I panicked.
- Holger provoked me. - And what did you do?
I cut fillets of his thigh and put them in marinade.
Rotary were coming for a barbecue.
Are you insane?
Are you completely insane?
I panicked, okay?
What's done is done.
Can't we still report it?
It was an accident. I didn't mean to kill him.
You just sold his thigh, dumbass.
You may have killed him by accident, but then you chose to carve him up.
It's over.
We're through, Svend.
I know.
I shouldn't have done that last part. I'm sorry.
What do we do now?
What do we do with him?
I don't know.
Throw him in the bone crusher. Nobody knows he was here.
- What? - He did the work off the books.
Do you want to use the bone crusher?
No, I'm trying to help. You think of something then.
What about Holger's guests? What should we tell them?
Okay. Okay.
Put him in the bone crusher.
Let him hang until he's frozen. Otherwise, it'll be too disgusting.
BUTCHER MEAT AND BACON
I'm glad you came. They're crazy.
What's happening?
Holger had his dinner last night, and now everybody wants more.
- They heard about it last night. - About what?
About what? About what? The fillets. They love them.
What are you doing now?
I don't want to disappoint them, so I'm selling a bit more of him.
- I'll kill you. - Stop it!
It doesn't matter whether we use the bone crusher or sell him.
It's the best way to get rid of him. You said it yourself.
- I never said that. - Let's say you didn't.
They want this. We're not forcing them. I don't have time for this.
- Has Tina left? - Yes.
Why should she stay when I have left her?
- Can't you see that you need help? - That may be the case.
- Can't you? - Yes.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know what I was thinking.
He was hanging there, and I just wanted him gone.
I didn't care how.
Pull yourself together. Pull yourself together.
How? He's out there in pieces.
He's out there, in the meat locker and on the table. It's a mess.
- I'm going home now. - No.
Svend, no! You're not going home.
Get out there and get it over with. Yes, you will.
Get it over with now.
Where were we? Two chicky-wickies?
- Yes, please. - All righty.
- Anything else? - Two meatballs and one pâté.
- And 200 grams of roast beef. - Happy to oblige.
He's going at it out back. Is he cutting down a tree?
No, just working, as we say. A small one like this?
There you go.
We'll never talk about this again.
Tomorrow we just say that there are no more chicken fillets.
Chicky-wickies.
- What? - That's what I call them.
Svend's chicky-wickies.
Svend, stop it.
Yes, of course.
That's that.
I never told you this,
but my parents died when I was very young.
Yes, you have. Many times.
And I wasn't popular at school, so I got beaten every day.
The other kids were free to pick on me
because I didn't have any parents.
Yes, sirree. They hit me and stole my lunch money.
That's why I'm so skinny.
I didn't get anything to eat before I began training as a butcher.
Sometimes they'd hit me with stuff.
With wood.
With flashlights.
With a green bicycle pump.
- With belts... - Svend, enough with the examples.
It doesn't matter. What are you trying to say?
I'm very well aware that I'm not a charming person.
People have always treated me rough.
They've called me names.
They called me... you know...
- Svend Sweat? - Yes, let me tell you.
I was always afraid. I was afraid to go to school.
I was afraid to die. I was afraid of girls.
I was afraid of people,
and to some extent I still am, let me tell you.
But then I met Tina,
and I thought that things would get a lot better, but they didn't.
That was when I decided to open my own shop.
How the fuck did you work that out?
- Perhaps I didn't say it right. - No.
I'm tired and confused.
Svend, we'll see each other tomorrow.
But, Bjarne, I would like...
I can rephrase it. I can put it more bluntly.
I've never been loved.
The cat is out of the bag.
- That's it. - And?
And today... here...
What I had here today behind the counter, Bjarne...
it was fantastic.
It was great.
People spoke to me differently. They smiled at me.
Suddenly I was someone else and I really liked that.
Don't be angry, Bjarne,
but we can't open tomorrow without more meat.
We can't.
It stops here. It's sick and I don't want to hear anymore about it.
That really hurt. You're insane.
It's only a problem to be insane and not know it.
See you tomorrow.
I'm not here right now. Leave a message.
Hi, Bjarne. It's Ingrid Grith. I know how you feel,
but I have to tell you that we'll turn off your brother tomorrow.
His organs will be used for transplants.
We're very grateful. Have a nice evening.
I was just passing by.
- Do you always sit in there alone? - Yes. Sometimes.
The undertaker leaves at 4. He doesn't have time for it all.
In the winter there's a lot to do. Many give up at Christmas.
So I help out.
It's more fun than feeding chickens.
- I hear the shop is doing well. - Oh, did you hear that?
Everybody is talking about you.
Well...
Yes, business is very good.
I thought... when the chickens have been fed... have you eaten?
- No. - Do you want to? I know a place.
Hello?
- House Hans? - Yes.
That's actually why I'm here.
You should just call me Hans from now on.
It sounds silly anyway.
I guess you know that. You shouldn't make your job your identity.
Oh, yes.
Is that why you're here?
I was in the neighborhood, so I thought I would drop by
and see how you were.
Everything is fine.
- Does anyone know you're here? - No.
- Why do you ask? - No reason. Let me tell you...
It's been a long day. Lots of customers...
Let's look at the shop then.
Let's start with the meat locker. It's really great. Let me tell you.
Dark and cold, huh? Isn't there any light?
Sure. Over in the corner.
I'm really impressed. You've done a great job.
Hello?
What happened?
I think the door closed. We don't know each other that well.
Let me out. This isn't funny anymore.
I'm sorry. I haven't cleaned the place.
- I had a break-in. - When?
I don't know. A few years ago.
It's okay.
All these skeletons. Have you killed them all?
Yes, except the whale.
I know it's a bit morbid, but it's been sort of a hobby.
- Like collecting coins. - You collect skeletons.
It sounds stupid, right?
My colleague Svend says that it's sick.
How did you kill this one?
That one I killed with a piece of cloth.
I don't have any tea.
- I have lots of weed. Will that do? - Yes, if you have milk and sugar.
Why are you so chipper?
What's up with you?
- Nothing. - Yes, what's up with you?
- I've met a girl. - Really?
- I've met a girl. It's nothing. - Nothing?
Let me tell you, it's something.
We're on our way now. Can't you feel it?
- What the fuck are you wearing? - Come with me.
These are our new uniforms. They're great, don't you think?
- Yes, they're very... - Come on.
- There's a hat too. - Yes.
Jesus fucking Christ!
Svend, you psycho. You've gone completely insane.
I should like to explain. Thank you.
Last night I went outside and he was lying in the street.
Bjarne, it's him. It's our realtor.
- Is that House Hans? - He just wants to be called Hans.
Let me finish.
There he was. Dead as a doornail. I just took him inside.
- We have to report it. - He was already dead. That's all.
That's all.
- I'm not lying. He was dead. - I'm leaving. I want out.
Do we have to do this again?
- You haven't got a clue, do you? - What do you mean?
He was already dead.
Do you think that it's a coincidence that you've met a nice girl?
Astrid?
Don't you think that it's strange that you meet a girl all of a sudden?
Hasn't she asked about the shop? That's how it works, Bjarne.
You're a success, and I'm a success.
That's why Anita wants you.
Because we're a success.
- Her name is Astrid. - Exactly.
Could you carve him up?
- Let's set up over here. - Okay.
- Anything else? - No. What time will that air?
At 4 in the morning. One dollar.
Turn off the ventilator.
Wait a minute.
What?
- His pulse is stable. - That can't be true.
- Hi. - Hi, Svend.
I'm sorry I'm late. I've been out all night.
- Sure. I've taken care of the shop. - I've been out all night.
- Do you know who called me? - Someone who found your brain?
- Beate did. - Beate?
Yes. You know, the one you met at the barbecue.
She saw me on TV. We went to that new club.
We got in for free because they had also seen me on TV.
Tonight we're going bowling.
Bowling? You're going bowling?
- Would you like to see a new car? - Have you bought a new car?
Yes, let me tell you. It's almost entirely green.
What's that?
A small Swede from the park.
Are you coming or what?
You know the power lines behind the sawmill, right?
Everybody knows that they are dangerous...
Bjarne, what's happening?
Make him leave. Make him leave.
- Make him disappear now! - Take it easy.
Hello.
I would like to talk to Bjarne. Is he here?
No comment. Anything else?
No! Is Bjarne coming?
- Please don't yell at me. - I can't help it.
Brain damage.
But Eigil should still be treated like everybody else in this house.
- Is Bjarne coming? - No. You shouldn't be here.
- Please leave. - Don't you understand Danish?
I'm not going into this with you now. Leave.
But I'm the little Eigil sweetie.
You may be, but not in here.
- Yes! - No.
Yes!
Let me tell you something. Don't threaten me with that giraffe.
Please point it somewhere else so that we may discuss this calmly.
Would you...
If you see Bjarne, then say hello from me.
Give him this. It's a small chipmunk.
From Eigil.
There's a dog.
CLOSED
Bjarne, don't worry. He has left.
I don't understand how that can happen.
It's a miracle. I didn't believe it myself.
Give him a shot or something. We had a deal.
You saved him. On the ventilator he never would have woken up.
Then lock him up or keep him here.
Is it because you've taken out a loan against his inheritance?
No, the shop is doing fine. Eigil is a retard.
Yes, no doubt, but he misses you.
No. His head is just messed up.
I think you're projecting. Maybe you have some issues.
Have you tried eating a drumstick in front of him?
I know that he's a vegetarian. He told the kitchen.
He's obsessed with animals.
And you became a butcher.
Can't you see the problem?
No.
- I think you have to forgive Eigil. - Shut the fuck up.
What happened in the accident?
Keep him away from me.
Lock him up. I don't give a fuck.
You need help, and if you won't let us help, I have to speak to Svend.
- How do you know Svend? - From TV.
He's the only sane person that you'll listen to.
Then go down to the shop and have a chat with him.
Just keep Eigil away from me.
We need more pâté. Everything is selling like crazy.
- The chickens have gone bad. - Throw them out.
Chop-chop, we have... Wow, her hands are big.
I haven't begun on her yet.
What did she say?
What do you say in a situation like that? She cried.
- She yelled, "Let me out". - I meant before that.
Some nonsense about you and your brother and you needing a shrink.
I don't want to talk about it.
- Four chickies. - No. Chicky-wickies.
- Chicky-wickies. - That's right.
Yes, you. Out.
We don't want anymore. We're trying to run a business.
Give it to Bjarne. It's for Bjarne. It's a little dog.
If you don't understand me, then let's do it like this. Good-bye.
I know that you are there behind the bricks.
It's me Eigil, Bjarne.
Eigil the little funster is here.
No!
No, no, no.
- Do you often come here? - Yes, sometimes.
You should come to the church tower and see shooting stars.
- Along with the weird priest? - Pastor Willumsen? Yes.
Is it true that he was in a plane crash and had to eat his own wife?
Yes. They were on their honeymoon. They crashed into a mountain.
Everybody died but him. He was almost frozen when they found him.
He survived because he ate her.
- Why didn't he eat someone else? - I have no idea.
Do you live with him?
I have my own room.
When my parents died he was really sweet.
He helped with all the arrangements and had them sent home.
- How did they die? - Like yours.
In Germany between Karlsruhe and Stuttgart.
- Don't you want to run away? - Run away?
No. Why do you want to do that?
I don't want to do this anymore.
A lot has happened since we opened the shop.
Is it me?
No, you're the only good thing.
What is it then?
Everything.
Svend has gone crazy.
And my...
No, it doesn't matter. It's boring to talk about.
If you don't run away, I would like to help you.
No matter what it is.
Hi, Astrid. You know Holger from Rotary, don't you?
- Yes. I'm going to bed. - Where have you been?
Out with Bjarne.
Good night.
- My Bjarne? - Yes, I think they're dating.
I must say that they are doing fucking great.
- But there's something wrong. - What do you mean?
Those idiots forget to unzip before taking a piss.
And now they're a big success. People are standing in line.
I don't understand it either.
With all due respect for your otherwise excellent dinner,
I didn't care for your chicken.
- Why not? - It had a peculiar aftertaste.
The others loved it.
If only I hadn't held that dinner,
nobody would've heard about them.
- What didn't you like? - It's probably just me.
But it made me think of Grethe.
I actually thought it tasted like Grethe.
Like Grethe?
Fly away up to God and ask for fair weather.
- What are you doing? - I'm playing hide-and-seek.
- You have to find little Eigil. - Come on. I won't hurt you.
All right.
I'm coming!
What are they doing here?
It's a chicken family.
They have been murdered by knife.
- Why did you do that? - No reason.
- That's weird. - What's your name?
Eigil Per Amager, but I only use Eigil.
- You're Bjarne's brother. - Yes.
Yes, I am.
- There, there. - You can't bury animals here.
- I can. - No.
- Yes, Eigil can do everything. - Have you seen Bjarne?
No.
No, I said.
He's hiding in his shop.
Look at the chicken. It's dead.
Would you like to see some live chickens?
I have seen that plenty of times.
But I may be persuaded if they are big.
It's a giraffe. It's my giraffe. It's my giraffe.
This is my dog Skip. This is Skip.
- It bit Bjarne all the time. - It bit him?
He kicked it sometimes. He's allergic to dogs.
But they let me, because I love dogs.
- Are dogs your favorite animal? - No, all animals are.
- This is Eigil. - What's this one called?
It's Eigil.
Do you know what this one is called?
- Eigil? - Yes, exactly.
- Are we going out to the chickens? - No, enough with the chickens.
Yes, I can.
Bjarne, wait.
Stay away from me.
- It's Eigil, Bjarne. - Yes, it's Eigil, Bjarne.
- We are looking at the chickens. - Stay away from me.
Stay away from me. Stay away from me.
What are you doing? Why did you do that?
- Leave me alone. - What's wrong?
You can't kick him like that. Why are you being an asshole?
You don't know what you're talking about.
What are you doing here?
I just wanted to say hello.
How are you?
I'm just fine.
- I saw you on TV. - Comes with the territory.
- Have you read my interviews? - No.
- I talked to the local paper. - I haven't read that.
I say some excellent things. At least, that's what people tell me.
- Why haven't you seen that? - I just haven't seen that.
I get to see movies for free.
And I can also go bowling.
- But you don't know how to bowl. - Yes, I do.
- I've seen it. You can't. - I beg to differ. People say I'm good.
Don't you remember when you slipped in your own sweat?
We had to go to the ER on the way home.
Don't you remember?
House Hans Petersen was a realtor.
He was probably fed up.
Our children can be annoying.
He often talked about starting over.
So... now he's left.
We follow his trail to Thailand where he was last seen.
Danes disappear every year.
We try to figure out why.
Watch Missing Danes tonight.
It's Sausage Holger.
You have to excuse my late call.
You deliver meat to Svend and Bjarne, right?
They are my boys, so I would like to know how much they sell.
How many chickens?
How much poultry a week?
I'm afraid I've done something stupid.
I don't care.
Listen to me. I think I've crossed the line this time.
I don't care.
Give me the knife and open the shop.
Yes, you're right.
I'm probably just being hypersensitive.
The bird is flying.
- Astrid, would you come in here? - Sure!
- No. Can't he stay outside? - Okay.
If you can catch the black one, you're the greatest.
You should listen to Holger, Astrid.
It's about Bjarne. You should sit down.
Well, Astrid, the problem is that Svend and Bjarne...
We are fairly certain that they are killing all my customers.
- What are you talking about? - They butcher them like cattle.
And they sell the meat in their shop.
- It's true. - They haven't killed anyone.
I'm saying this for your own sake. You should get out while you can.
- Thank you. - They have only bought 8 chickens.
Why does their meat taste like Grethe?
I don't know, but they haven't done anything.
Astrid, haven't you noticed
that Eigil isn't the kind of guy you ask for help with the crosswords?
Those boys have problems. Eigil came out 7 minutes later than Bjarne.
His brain didn't get any oxygen. Those minutes are the problem.
- How do you mean? - The parents ruined everything.
They let Eigil decide everything.
Just until one day in June when it went too far.
You know about the accident, yes?
No.
A giraffe was born in Stockholm Zoo
and Eigil wanted to see it.
The family made a trip out of it.
Eigil wanted to drive, and they let him,
even though Bjarne objected.
Eigil is eager to get there, so he drives fast. Very fast.
Bjarne begged him to slow down. He had his new wife with him.
But Eigil wanted to go to Stockholm and get a gander at the giraffe.
- Excuse the expression. - Quite all right, Holger.
They get to the coast, and then everything goes wrong.
Ironically, it's a deer
that jumps out in front of the car
and Eigil swerves to avoid it.
It's a blood bath.
A halal butchering of Olympic dimensions.
The parents and the wife die and Eigil ends up in a coma.
Bjarne breaks an arm and a leg,
but the deer gets away scot-free
because Eigil chose to swerve.
Afterwards, Bjarne snaps.
He roams around at night killing animals
until the police hands him over to me,
and I, by the grace of God, take him in.
Bjarne is sick, Astrid. Stay away from him.
But it's not until you put him together with that insane Svend Sweat,
that it goes wrong.
- I know that they've done this. - You've gone mad.
Stay away from him.
Hi, Astrid. Look at me.
I'm playing with the little birds.
I'm flying.
Eigil, let me show you what happens to chickens.
I'm going home.
Okay.
Are you going out tonight?
No, I have a stomachache.
- I don't want to see any people. - Then don't go into the meat locker.
How about you? Are you going over to Astrid's?
- No. - We can talk about it if you want.
No.
Bjarne... please stay and talk.
Svend, I can't do it anymore.
See you.
Is Bjarne here?
No. You shouldn't be here.
He shouldn't be here. You have to leave.
It's dangerous to be here.
Eigil will behave.
We have killed chickens for Bjarne.
No, you have to respect me. You have to leave now.
You don't understand. You can't be here with me.
I don't feel well. I don't want to talk about it.
Go away.
He'll be good.
- He'll be good. - We just want to talk to Bjarne.
Do you know where he is?
- Why can't you just leave? - We want to talk to him.
He's out in the meat locker. Come on.
I forgot that there are two of you.
Yes. Is Astrid around?
Come on inside.
They're pretty.
Do you like plants?
Sure. Mine usually die.
How do you get them to grow like that?
Light and warmth.
A bright and warm room creates life.
You have to praise them and tell them that they're pretty.
All these plants have helped me
to fill out the void after Grethe.
You know what it's like. I couldn't let her go for a long time.
- Where is Astrid? - Grethe seemed to be in me.
- She was, in a way. - How do you mean?
Didn't you... eat her?
Yes, I did.
- I'm glad I did to this day. - Is Astrid coming soon?
She probably is.
The good thing about Astrid
is that she lives in this life.
You should do the same. Or at least try to.
You can't turn a turtle into a racehorse.
But you can turn it into a fast turtle.
Okay. How long will Astrid be?
She actually went to your shop.
Weren't you tired?
- Has Astrid been here? - No. Why?
It's just that...
What, Bjarne?
I'm sorry. I thought...
It doesn't matter. See you tomorrow.
- You said you didn't want to see her. - Svend, goddamn it!
Astrid, I'm sorry. Come.
What the fuck are you doing? Are you crazy?
- Astrid, I... - Stay away from me.
- It was just a joke. - A joke?
It's not funny to lock people up.
Psychos!
- I... - Don't!
Stay away from me.
You're all crazy. You and you and your crazy brother. Fuck you!
Astrid, please don't leave. Please don't leave.
Stay away from me. Don't!
Well, that's up to her.
Take it easy.
Bjarne, I'm leaving.
I'm leaving.
I didn't know that she...
Can I hold your hand?
No.
Just a little bit?
No.
Brother Bjarne...
Don't you even have two for me?
There are no more chicky-wickies until Svend comes back.
We were looking forward to it.
Maybe I can do something, but the meat will be different.
- What kind of meat? - Chicken.
Some other chicken.
As long as the marinade is the same.
Sure. It's Svend's marinade.
I have to ask you all to leave.
The shop is closed. We're from the FDA.
Thank you. I'll take over from here.
I have to ask you all to leave. The shop is closed. We're from the FDA.
Okay, chicky-wickies for everybody. What's happening?
Bjarne, you're through. Where is the sweating swine?
I don't know. What do you want?
Leif Larsen from FDA.
We've received a report
that you sell unauthorized meat.
Where's the queue? Why is there no queue?
The FDA is here.
- Svend, wait. - What's going on?
You found a new victim, didn't you?
You're out to get me. You may succeed.
I may be guilty. What's done is done.
So just take the meat.
Take my meat and run out if you have any use for it. Do you?
This is Bjarne. I would like to stress that he is not involved.
I'm guilty. If you can talk about guilt.
But I would like to ask if any of you can look me in the eye and say,
that I don't deserve my success?
- Wait... - No, you can't!
You all want to make something that people will love.
I may have...
Don't mind them. They do that sometimes.
Bjarne, that really hurt.
This is just chicken in marinade.
- That can't be. - I can't find anything.
There are some joint butts, but you find that everywhere.
Oh.
Then we checked the place.
That's surely always a good thing.
If there's no more meat, what did you sell?
Chicken.
Then it's over, Bjarne.
People don't want that.
Then it's over.
- I don't think so. - Yes, I think so,
and that's good.
- I tasted your marinade. - Yes.
It's good. It's the best I've ever tasted.
It's good. I don't think the meat is all that good.
I think the marinade did it.
Are you saying that my marinade is good?
Yes, your marinade is good. Everybody thinks so.
One wasn't allowed on the bus under any circumstances!
They were afraid of the pig. They were afraid of the pig.
We'll work it out, Eigil.
- Come on. - What an outrage, Bjarne!
That's what they said on the bus.
Throw the ball, Eigil.
- No, Svend will take it. - No, I won't, idiot. I have my own.
I won't, Bjarne.
Yes!
You have to throw them in order to play.
- Then throw yours, Svend. - I'll throw it, when he does.
You're kidding.
- My ball is bigger than yours. - I beg to differ.
- It is. - I'm not discussing this.
Mine is bigger. I can even blow it up more.
Can I sit here for a while?
Sure.
Astrid, isn't my ball bigger than his?
- Yes, yours is much bigger, Eigil. - Stop that nonsense.
Come on down and measure them, or I'll go home, let me tell you!
My ball is the biggest
Everybody loves Eigil
- Shut up. - Svend sweats, but Eigil is sweet.
I would rather sweat than be you, four-eyes.
We don't say four-eyes!
You can't do anything right, and you know why?
You just skated through life on a little silver spoon.
- Moron! - You haven't even got your own shop.
No, but I can do a lot of things that you can't!
Ripped by SkyFury