South Park Season13 Episode04
Oh,man,i thought that day would never end!
Hey,stan,you wanna maybe study together after school?
What? No way,wendy. Today's the day!
What day?
The day they're showing part two of last week's terrence and phillip show!
They're gonna finally reveal who phillip farted on to get out of jail!
Oh,god,that show is so dumb.
Dumb?Phillip farted in somebody's face super hard,
but you don't know who until this week's episode!
This has been the longest week of my life!
Why do boys think farts are so funny?
They're juvenile and gross!
No,no,you're right,be. Farts totally aren't funny.
C'mon,guys. We gotta go!
We're finally gonna learn the shocking truth of who phillip farted on.
Let's get to my house. C'mon!
God,they're so stupid.
- Oh,boy. - This is gonna be great!
I've waited all week for this.
That's my seat,craig.
Dude,i was here first.
It's my goddamn house. Now get your bitch ass on the floor!
It's on! It's on! It's on! It's on! It's on!
You are watching the canada channel.
The only channel in canada.
previously on "terrance and phillip" -
Terrance farted on the american president,but phillip took the heat.
It wasn't me!
And now the thrilling conclusion of "terrance and blood rage" --
Will not be seen tonight.
So that we may bring you this queef sisters special!
APRIL FOOLS
What?
Canada channel presents. The queef sisters.
Katherine and katie queef.
Two toronto girls who love shooting air out of their vaginas.
It's a queef sisters special on canada channel.
All right,queef sisters. It's time for your yearly pap smear and vag exam.
- All right,doctor. - I'm ready,doctor.
Now,i'm just going to check for cysts.
What the is this?
Now listen here!
If you queef in my face then i refuse to be your gynecologist.
I'm sorry,doctor. I had air trapped in my vagina.
Well,just don't let it happen again.
Now,i'm just going to check for cysts.
Now stop it. That isn't funny. Babies come from there!
That's it. No pap smear for you.
But,doctor,what if i have cancer?
You should have thought of that before you queefed in my face three times.
They,they aren't going to show part two of the "terrance and phillip show"?
Doctor,my sister is just being difficult.
Maybe you could just examine my cervix instead?
Oh,all right. Let me check for cysts.
No!
That does it,queef sisters.
I'm not your vaginal doctor anymore!
Oh,katie,i do believe we made the doctor angry.
I guess so.
Dude,what the hell is this disgusting crap?
What the the hell is this disgusting crap?
Queef sisters?
That's right. It's a hot new canadian show we're trying out.
You replaced our show with this?
But they aren't funny.
All they do is queef all the time.
That's sick!
You think farts are funny, why not queefs?
Because babies come from there!
Ay,look,guys.
Women are starting to be on the driving force behind the television audience.
You know,women empowerment and the get-go,be so we want to try to appeal to the female sensibility.
Sorry,guys,but if you ask me, your farts have gotten stale.
No! No,as a matter of fact,i will not hold!
I've been hold for 35 minutes!
Well,we want some goddamn ed answers,that's what we want!
Like why did you show that smut instead of the "terrance and phillip" conclusion,you asshole!
What's going on?
We're complaing to the canada network 'cuz they put something really gross on tv.
You wanna tell me what's funny about two women shooting air from their vagina into a man's face?
No! No! See some of us were eating when you showed that!
I threw up on my way home.
Clyde threw up on his way home!
What makes you think you can put that kind of filth on television?
You tell 'em,cartman!
What happened?
They didn't show part two of "terrance and phillip."
They replaced it with the queef sisters.
It was just 30 minutes of two women queefing on people.
Oh,what,so farts are hysterical but queefs are gross?
You know little kids could have been watching that!
What kind of network are you running there in canada?
Don't call me "buddy." I'm not your buddy!
I can't believe they're this upset.
God,they're annoying.
I don't even know what a queef is.
It's when a woman blows air out her vag,annie.
You know that girl samantha dunskin,she can make herself queef whenever she wants.
Really?
Wait a minute. I've got an idea.
And to that end,by resorting to filth and garbage,the canada channel has thusly -
Robbed us of our innocence.
Yes,that's good.
Robbed us of us innocence.
Hey,guys,we have a little surprise for you!
What?
Butters?
Oh,my god. Well,how is he doing?
Yeah,yeah,i'm sure.
Okay,well,thank you for telling me,mr. Stotch. I'll spread the word.
Yeah,you take care. Bye.
We need to cancel our plans, sharon.
There's going to be an emergency all-parent meeting at the school tonight.
Why? What's happened?
A girl at school,she queefed on one of stan's friends today.
So ?
hey,pal.
I heard about what happened at school today.
You wanna talk about it?
Butters was just sitting there,dad.
He,he didn't even know it was coming.
I know,pal.
Sometimes bad things happen to good people.
But,you know,butters is still butters.
And he needs you guys right now more than anybody.
It was so gross,dad.
It mean what if another girl at school tries to --
Hey,we're getting all the parents together and we're gonna take care of this,okay?
Nothing like this will ever happen again.
Okay,parents,some of you have already heard,but most of you have not,mkay.
We've had a terrible incident occur at the school.
Apparently a young girl went up to a young boy here at the school,mkay,
and queefed in his face.
How did this happen?
Where were the teachers?
Whoa,whoa,wait a minute.
Are you saying we're all here just because a girl queefed on a boy?
Just?
We're here to find out why!
The question is how do we send a message to other girls in the school so this doesn't happen again?
Now hold on a minute. I think we're being a little drastic here.
You know,i probably see a boy in my office once a week for farting on a girl.
What the was that have to do with anything?
- It's the same thing! - This is ridiculous!
Our next guests have really taken america by storm.
Their new hit show is being tuned in by women all over the world.
Please welcome the queef sisters.
Oh,hello,regis!
Hello,kelly!
So,uh,gals,you seem to really like queefing.
Well,reeg,it's like this.
We think that queefing is a perfectly normal female bodily function.
Why not have fun with it?
But i mean,really,isn't queefing a bit juvenile?
Men enjoy farts,so why shouldn't women enjoy their queefs?
That's right.
We've written all about it in our new feminist book "eat, pray,queef."
Well,i think what you gals are doing for the feminist movement is amazing!
And that's why women all over america stand behind you!
No!
Terrance and phillip,you've put on a terrific show for many, many years.
You've made canada channel what it is today.
You're fired.
Fired?
Sorry,guys,but this queefing thing is really catching on.
Queef sisters ratings are through the roof.
And to pay them what they're asking,we gotta get rid of you. Goodbye.
Here's some cookies.
Brian,don't do this!
You can't let canada channel be soiled by that perverse garbage!
You know it's sick!
Yes,i know it's sick.
To be honest,i gag every time one of them let's out a queef.
But it's money,goddammit,and this channel needs it.
I'm sorry,terrance and phillip.******
MARTHA*****
i always love when spring is on the way.
Such a fun and inspiring time to decorate.
Just like most women out there, i have really got into queefing lately.
There are a lot of fun and interesting ways that we can decorate our queefs,
And just make them more dynamic for the holidays.
What we're going to do is just cut up some paper. Like this.
You can cut out little stars or little moon shapes and then just jam those up.
And then i've got some just simple sparkles from the hobby store.
They come in these little tubes, which make them very easy to just shoot right up the ol' --
There we are.
And you can of course feel free to add little flowers,or maybe some festive easter grass.
But the point is that when we're done,we can let one rip.
See how pretty that was?
It's a good thing
what was that?
Oh,excuse me. I had a little air trapped.
Oh,my god. Did you just -- at the table?
Pardon me.
Mom,gross.
Okay,that's enough,girls, all right?
I mean,how old are you,sharon?
I'm sorry. It's just,it's kind of funny how much it bothers you.
Oh,yeah. Yeah,that's really funny.
Just stop it,mom.
Yeah,okay,let's just try to have a nice dinner. Okay?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Sharon marsh.
Excuse me.
Hey mom,do you like australia?
'Cuz that was a great barrier queef!
That's it. I'm leaving.
I'm going,too.
Oh,please,randy!
How many times have you farted in the bed and then held my head under the covers?
That's completely different!
Yeah,it's different,mom!
All right. Tell me exactly where the line is.
Okay,how about this? I have a friend abbey.
She had a baby boy and it farted.
Yeah.
But she was actually still pregnant with the baby boy and it farted inside her.
Yeah!
And then the gas from the baby's fart traveled down and shot out of her vagina!
C'mon,stanley. Let's go.
Oh,so when does that stop being funny?
It stopped being funny the second that air came out her vagina,sharon!
Look,katherine. I made queef cookies!
But those are just ginger snaps,katie.
Could you get that,katie?
Oh,my god. Look,katherine!
It's canadian television stars, terrance and phillip!
Oh,my god. They're famous!
Oh,hello,sirs. It is such an honor to meet you.
Oh,katie,i'm getting all goosebumpy and queefy.
May we come in,please.
Oh,certainly. Though i fear we do look a mess.
Pretty nice place you have here.
Network must be paying you well.
Oh,yes. The show is going about as well as it could!
All right! Enough with the queefing!
We didn't come for a social call.
That's right. We've come to kill you.
Why kill us? We love you!
Because you've reduced canada channel to smut and toilet humor!
Well,i suppose if we're going to die,we should die by the hands of our idols.
Your idols?
We grew up watching you.
You meant the world to us.
We used to fantasize about pleasing you in all different ways.
Know that it is an honor to die by your hand.
I don't think i can do it, phillip.
Why not?
Because i'm suddenly finding myself strangely attracted to katherine.
What? That's crazy,terrance.
Katie is obviously the hot one.
Hey,butters. How you holding up,man?
Aw,hey,fellas.
We got you a present, butters.
I'll put it here on your nightstand,'cuz none of us want to touch you since you got queefed on.
Aw,thanks.
Butters,i'm afraid things have gotten worse.
All the women suddenly think that queefing is funny.
Calm down,butters. The men are taking action.
But we need to take your picture.
My picture?
You're going to be the face of queef abuse,butters.
So that we can make people open their eyes.
CANADIAN WINE*****
Dammit! I'm trying to enjoy my wine, katie!
No,that was me,phillip. I farted.
Oh,this is a dream come true!
I've always wanted to meet you, phillip!
Phillip? I'm terrance.
What? I thought you were terrance!
No,i'm phillip!
Oh,dear.
A disgusting and violating trend is taking over our city, our state,our nation.
Queefing has become an acceptable evil.
Last week at our school,a girl queefed right into our friend's face.
That is why we are here to tell you it's not a joke.
On television,us children are starting to see and hear more and more graphic queefing.
I would like to take this opportunity to explain why farts are funny and queefs are not.
Men have always joked about farts and we,in fact,name our farts.
We have the squeaker --
and then there's the fog horn.
And the don't be scared.
And of course there's the --
excuse me!If that really is your argument, it isn't a very sound one.
Women name their queefs,too.
- That's right! - Of course we do!
For instance,we have the sneezing unicorn.
And the resuscitator.
Sick! Stop it,lady!
That's not the same!
We've got the chinese firecracker.
That's all well and good,but we can do the road warrior.
No! We go in! We kill!
No more talk! We kill!
Soon my dog of war!
But we have to do it my way!
Losers!******
Jesus c >
You stupid bitch! What the is wrong with you?
I'm not your sex toy,you pig!
You don't queef in bed while we're having sex!
You! You don't slap me!
Could you please keep it down. We're trying to have sex over here.
She queefed while we were having sex,terrance!
Sick!
What's the big deal?
I've been queefing in this bed the entire time!
What? Gross!
How dare you!
Get out! Get out both of you.
We never want to see you again.
After everything we've been through?
What the hell am i gonna do, phillip?
She makes me so mad sometimes.
Katherine gist won't stop queefing.
But i don't know if i can live without her.
Katie,i'm sorry.
I was wrong.
Me too,katherine.
I don't love your queefs.
But dammit,i love you.
Oh,terrance.
Phillip!
Oh,my god!
Q*****
Oh,my god! Stan! Stan,we did it!
Colorado senate moves to ban queefing!
No way! We did it?
- Yeah! - All right,son!
What's going on?
Read it and weep,sharon! No more queefing!
Well,congratulations,guys.
Looks like you got us.
Good job.
Aw,come on.Just 'cuz you can't queef anymore --
you really think women care that much about queefing?
Is that really what you think this has all been about?
This has been about women having a little bit of fun for once at your expense.
For just this one time,we could be the immature ones to make you feel uncomfortable.
But,no.
You just couldn't let us have that one little thing,could you?
Because even though things are getting better for women,
You still think of us as lesser people sometimes
and we always have to prove ourselves twice as hard.
Congratulations,guys,for getting your way.
Again.
Mom,we didn't mean --
boy,oh,boy.I think we might have screwed up royal,stan.
Yeah.We all got so caught up in how we felt
that we didn't realize women actually cared about something a lot deeper.
Stan,let's call the guys together.
Maybe we can make this right.
There's a time in our lives
when we must listen to the oppressed.
And realmige we've been keeping women down.
They have power and they have courage.
And we must all stand by the belief --
That a woman is strong and she has the right to queef.
Fly free.
Free to queef aloud. Fly free.
Let every queer show that you're proud.
You faced so many challenges to put an end to your grief.
You're a woman now and you are free to queef.
It's time for equality.
We must give them the respect they deserve.
They're just the same as you and me.
Their rights must be preserved.
Queef free!
Every woman has the right.
Queef free.
Let your queefing star shine bright.
You are woman,hear you roar.
Queefing too loud to ignore.
Queef a little each day and let your soul take e pight.
Aaahh,ahhh,queef free!
For this reason,a man will leave his father and mother,
And be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh.
No!
Stop it,katherine! This is a serious moment.
Therefore what god has joined that wether let no man --
Oh,sick!
That's it! I now pronounce you farts and queefs!
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