south parks13e11
Alright,everyone.
Welcome to the dolphin encounter here at the denver aquarium!
My name is chad and I'll be your guide and trainer as you meet these intelligent,
and t truly magical creatures.
And here they come.This is trigger and dolly.
And there's bubbles.
Wow,cool!
Pretty neat birthday,huh stan?
Yeah,this is gonna be awesome!
If they come near you,you can touch their backs.
Just no grabbing,please.
What whimsical creatures,aren't they?
All the dolphins you will be encountering today are atlantic bottlenose dolphins.
Now who'd like to get a kiss from one?
- I would like to - Oh,me,me,me.
I wanna kiss it!
Uh,alright.Let's just get you to put your hands,
palms down on the water.
What the hell is that?
Oh no!It's the japanese!
*****You dolphin!
These are our favorite animals here at the atlanta zoo.
It's dolly and seamore.
They are beluga whales.
These whales live mostly in the arctic region.
Alright,jessica.
Now put your arms out like this.
Great job,jessica!
****You wha-ruuuuu!
Hey pal.
Sorry your birthday got a little ruined by the japanese.
Dad,why did they do that?
Well stan,the japanese just
don't really like dolphins very much.
Certainly not as much as us normal people do.
But hey,at least you still got your t-shirt!
And you'll always have your neat picture!
my new friend!
Dan dierdorf here welcoming you to this great football matchup
between the kansas city chiefs and the miami dolphins.
We're all set for kick-off and
Uh dan,it looks like some japanese people are now rushing onto the field.
This is not the kind of thing you want happening during kickoff.
****You dolphin!
Several whales and dolphins were again slaughtered by the japanese today.
This time at the six flags discovery kingdom near san francisco.
Aquariums had been experimenting with methods to keep the japanese out,
but so far nothing seems to stop them.
When asked if all of japan supported the slaughtering of whales and dolphins,
the current prime minister of japan,yukio hatoyama had this to say.
You way-ruuuu!
And You dolphin!
Can't read my,can't read my
no,he can't read my poker face
she's got to love nobody
can't read my,can't ready my
no,he can't read my poker face
she's got to love nobody
p-p-p-poker face
- You guys,you guys! - p-p-p-poker face
Look,I really think it's time for us to do something.
This is all getting way out of hand.
What do you mean? This song is sweet.
No,not the song.I'm talking about the japanese killing whales and dolphins.
Dude,they've been doing that for a long time.
So?Dude,don't you guys care?
We have to do something!
What are we going to do,stan?
It's not like we can change the way an entire country thinks.
I don't like it,but it's just the way they are.
It seems like everyone has an attitude of
'that's just the way they are' and 'that's just the way it is.
'Nobody likes it but everyone's too busy to do anything about it.
- I'm not too busy stan. - You're not?
- No.I just don't care at all. - Yeah,me neither.
Kenny?You don't care about whales and dolphins being slaughtered?!
Stan,me and kenny don't give two shits about stupid ass Whales.
You know,when all the whales and dolphins in the world are gone
people are going to wish that at some point they had taken the time to care
just a little god dammit!
I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be
I don't give a crap bout whales so go and hug a tree
Hey,stan!
I heard you're looking for people who care about the japanese slaughtering whales!
Yeah!Butters,you wanna help?!
No,no,no,no.I got stuff to do.
But I wanted to tell you,there's these fellers on tv.
They go out in the ocean and try to stop the japanese wherever they are!
Really?People who are doing something?!
I watch their show all the time.
And they take volunteers!
Then that's where I belong.
The world is a vampire
Yeah,we are bad ass.
Any means necessary.
We're not protesters.
We're pirates.
WHALE WARS
That's definitely a japanese boat!
Looks like they're whaling now!
****You whale!
Oh my god,they're gonna kill those humpbacks!
We gotta do something!
Pull up next to them!
The fight is on!
Sweet!
- Are we ready to do this? - Yeah!
Yeah!Hell yeah!Let's do it!
Are we bad asses?!
Yeah!
Are we bad asses?
Yeah!
Alright.So.
what do we do?
Wait.I know!
How about we go on their ship and then beat ourselves up!
And then we can tell the media they did it!
Great idea,captain!
I'll start right now!
Oh my god.Luke's been hurt trying to save whales!
Wait,wait,wait!I've got a better idea!
How about I pretend to be shot!
Then we can tell the media the japanese shot me
and it'll start a international crisis!
Wul,wait.We don't wanna just lie about stuff.
Why not?
Because then we're just douche bags,dude.C'mon,they're right here.
Let's get hardcore!
You know what?He's right!
It's time to bring out the big guns.
You guys ready?Ready?
And.throw the stinky butter at them!
you stink now.
- Wait that's it? - Yeah,we make'em stink!
Ha-ha,your boat is stinky!
Here,throw one!
Those guys always covered in dolphin and whale guts!
They don't care if they stink!
C'mon lets break their boat!
Wul,no,that'd be illegal.
Yeah.
I thought you guys were pirates in a war!
I'm a pirate in a war!
Pirates don't worry about the law.
You guys said you were bad ass!
We are!People think our methods are extreme,
but we'll keep making their boat stink as long as they are killing whales and dolphins!
The japanese are scared of how hardcore we are!
Paul!
- Paul? - What do we do?
- We don't have a captain! - Oh,my god!Oh,my god!
Maybe he's okay.
UTILITY
Oh my god!
What did you do?
What you Acted like you were doing.
WHALE WARS GETS BETTER
Things Actually Happen Now!
I want to hold them like they do in texas play
a little gamble and it's fun when you're with me********
russian roulette is not the same without a gun
baby,when it's not love,it isn't fun
New Captain Not a fat liar like the old one
I'll get him hot,
show him what I've got
WHALE WARS NEW CAST Member
I'll get him hot
show him what I got
Wait for it.
wait for it.
Now!
she get me like nobody
LITTLE BOY SINKS ANOTHER JAPANESE BOAT!
Inpo no gaijin!
Kuso 0 taberu na!
And now larry king,live!
My guest tonight is the little boy who took over the whale wars reality show
and turned it into a big hit.
Please welcome,stan marsh and his crew.
Hey jordon!I'm on larry king,mate!
So stan,what motivated you,
what inspired you to get out there and make a hit tv show?
No,I -I don't really care about the tv show.
I'm just trying to stop the japanese from killing dolphins and whales.
Once you became captain the methods used
to stop the japanese definitely became more aggressive.
Was that the key to helping boost your ratings?
No,I don't care about the show.
We're pirates!
I just want people to know that you can stop the japanese
if you have some real Balls.
I've got balls!
Well,there are many people who see what you're doing as a positive thing,
and of course many that see problems with it.
Joining us now is one of those people,
and you say stan's methods are unethical.
Larry,you can't just go out and take matters into your own hands like this.
If you want a hit tv show you have to go through producers,directors,
people that are in the unions.
But sid,you saw the show before stan took it over.
You have to admit that it was nothing
but incompetent vegan Doing absolutely nothing
and trying to turn it into drama.
Yes,but it doesn't justify
changing the entire show structure that their old captain had pitched to the network.
Could we just talk about the actual whaling problem for a second?
But their old captain,paul watson,was an unorganized,
incompetent media whore who thought lying to everyone was okay
as long as it served his cause.
Yes,of course everyone knows that paul watson was a smug,
- narcololeptic liar with no credibility but - Screw this.
I gotta get back to work.
On this episode of real actual whale wars.
captain marsh searches for the japanese fleet,
knowing they could be absolutely anywhere.
Would you mind stepping back a little?
Captain!Captain,some new volunteers showed up to help us in our crusade.
No,dude,we really can't take any more volunteers.
But they say you know them.
Alright,dude.This is pretty sweet.
- Oh,no.No,no! - What,dude?
Oh what,so now that I have a hit tv show you guys care about dolphins and whales?
We always have.
Yeah,totally!
I asked you guys to help me and you said no.
That's not what we said.
You said 'stan,me and kenny don't give two -about stupid ass whales'.
We were talking about wales the country.
Look,if you admit that you are only doing this because you want to be on tv,
then I'll consider it.
Admit you just want to be on tv.
I just want to be on tv.
Kenny,
I deserve to be on tv.
Captain!
Captain the japanese have been spotted near buoy 24!
Takes us out of port!All hands to stations.
Alright.Let's go save those whales,you guys!
Captain marsh races his boat to the last known location of the japanese whalers.
If he doesn't get there in time,hundreds of dolphins or whales could die.
As soon as we get there we gotta be ready to deploy the tracking devices!
We can't let those whales get hurt!
What the hell is that?
We just got rammed.
The japanese want to play that way,huh?
It's not the japanese.
What?
On deck,the crew is surprised at what they saw.
The other boat is from deadliest catch.
A crab fishing reality show.
You think you're so cool,don't you?
You think you're a big boat reality show on the block?
Take it away men's livelihoods.
what?We're trying to save whales.
***************
You're show is gay,maN.
Your show is Gay.
Screw this.Turn to port.
But everywhere his reality show boat turns,
the crab fishing reality show blockses its path.
Dude,You.
You.
It's been three hours and the crab fishing reality show isn't budging.
Captain marsh's boat is dead in the water.
Can't go after the japanese,can't help the whales or dolphins.
Once again on whale wars,nothing is happening.
It's pretty typical time because we know that
every minute we're sitting here stopped,another whale is dying.
Really tough.It's really hard.
It's like we've dedicated all our times and our lives to saving these creatures.
*******
Oh,he's taking it especially hard.
He loved dolphins so much,********
he *********** would do anything.
Anything, anything
Crab fishing reality show is doing fine.
But for the whale wars crew,it appears the show is over.
Until a sound is heard.
What was that?
Captain,look!
The whales are taking out the crab fishermen reality show.
It's like they know.
They do know.
They know everything I've been trying to do for them.
Our********* friends of the sea have saved the day.
Because they know that only we can save them from the japanese.
Bonsai!
Jesus christ!
We got to get somebody to shoot them with.
Look out!
I I can't believe it.
Dude,you know what?
Japanese people really do not like whales.
Well,I'm in japanese prison lord.
Japanese prison got me down.
Said I'm in japanese prison lawwwd,
don't belong here.My eyes are round.
Will you stop that?
Oh,I'm sorry.Am I making things uncomfortable for you,stan?
It's your fault me and kenny are in the mess!
Things are bad enough without you being a smart ass!
There's whales out there being slaughtered right now
and I can't do anything about it!So just keep quiet.
You don't have a tv show anymore,captain,
so you can suck my japanese imprisoned balls.
I'm in a japanese prison lawd,
japanese balls got me
Kite kure!Akihito sama irashaimasu!
So you are the ones who has been a sinking our boats!
You speak english.
You have caused us many problems!
Set us back many months!
Sir,we actually don't give two -about you killing whales.Can we go?
Yeah,can we go?
Why have you done this?
Why do you insist on making trouble for the japanese?
Why do you do what you do?
You know that 98% of the world is against whaling?
Why can't you just stop?
You think you have the right to tell us what is ok?
I have something to show you.
This is hiroshima.
Over 50 years ago,this entire city was destroyed by nuclear bomb.
We built this museum so that we never forget what happened.
What?Dude.
At 8:15 am,the people of hiroshima were just minding their own business,
when out of nowhere,a flash devastated them all.
Women,children,who died in the flash simply evaporated.
Those left alive,suffered the worst pain of all.
Burns,radiation poisoning.
For generations the radiation affected the victims.
Japanese babies born without limbs.
Without eyes!
Sorry.
Little gassy.'Scuse me.
140,000 japanese were kill by atom bomb.
We have never recovered from the memory of that day.
It is impossible for a nation to ever forgive an act so horrible.
This picture shows the plane that dropped the bomb.
It was called the enola gay.
And it was flown by the monsters who dropped the bomb that day.
Dolphin!
And whale!
where did you get that picture.
The americans were nice enough to give it to us the day after the bombing.
We were so thankful for the picture,
that the next day we ended our war with america.
We will never forgive.
Never rest until they are all wiped out.
****You.
****You dolphin and whale!
So that's what this has all been about.
Dude,it actually wasn't a dolphin and a whale who bombed hiroshima,
it was the
Dude,they won't rest until whoever is responsible is completely wiped out.
Right.
Look,I -I think I can make everything ok here.
Can I just use a phone?
- Hello. - Stan?
Dude,are you sitting at your computer?
I need you to do something for me.
Mr.Prime minister,japanese officials.
there's something you need to know.
The photo you were given of the enola gay was doctored.
Because the real bombers feared retaliation so badly that
they simply pointed the finger at somebody else.
My government has authorized me to give you the original photo,unaltered,
so you can finally know the truth.
Dolphins and whales were just framed by the real bombers.
A chicken and a cow.
Chicken and a cow?
Chicken and cow used poor dolphin and whale as scapegoat?
This is outrage!
****You,cow!
****You chicken!
Great job,son.
Now the japanese are normal,like us.
south parks13e11