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Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
Re-synced & uncensored by darthfrede
www.addic7ed.com
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* I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time *
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* Friendly faces everywhere *
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* Humble folks without temptation *
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* Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind *
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* Ample parking day or night *
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* People spouting, "howdy, neighbor!" *
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* Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind *
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* Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! *
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* Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine *
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Okay, children, let's take our seats.
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I know there's a lot of things going on
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and we're all a little bit worried.
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I've heard some of you express
concern over current events,
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so I think we should
discuss what's happening.
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It is true...
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Rick and I did get into a fight
over the weekend.
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Now, I don't know what you've
heard and what you haven't,
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but Rick was wrong, okay?
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He's the one that needs to apologize.
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We're not worried about that.
We're all worried about Putin.
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Putin? It was just a little noise
when I pulled out.
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Nobody was "pootin," okay?
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And anyway, you kids shouldn't
be talking about that stuff!
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Geez!
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Uh, kids, I need your attention!
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We're doing an emergency
drill this morning, m'kay.
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A drill?
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M'kay, now, we haven't
done these in a long time,
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but we need to be prepared if
the Russians decide to nuke us.
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Now, when you hear this sound...
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The Russians are nuking us.
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Then you need to quickly
and calmly get out of your seats
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and get to the gymnasium, m'kay?
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The Russians are nuking us.
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The Russians are fuckin' nuking us!
Go!
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Go, go, go!
We're all gonna die!
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Come on! Come on!
The missiles are coming!
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They've lost their minds!
Run!
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Get to the gym!
Get to the gym!
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Come on!
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Come on, we're getting nuked!
Everyone to the gym!
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It's our only chance!
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Under the bleachers!
Go!
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Come on, move!
Everyone's going to die!
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M'kay.
That was... 22 seconds.
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That's not bad, m'kay.
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Now, if this were real,
we would just all stay here
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and wait to hear from
our government and maybe,
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maybe listen to some appropriate music,
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like we did back in the '80s.
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* Take your baby by the hand *
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* Do the next thing that you feel *
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- _
- * I said... *
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Starring...
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Butters.
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Stephen and Linda Stotch.
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Melancholy the Horse.
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And the comedy of Vladimir Putin.
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* Dancehall days, love *
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- Hi, Katie!
- Hi, Kelly!
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Oh, my gosh.
Pixie looks so pretty today.
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Thanks!
I braided my pony's tail.
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Hi, Josslyn!
Hi, Staci Mae!
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Hi, Butters.
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Alright, pony riders.
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We've got a big
competition this weekend,
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so let's line up and do our rails.
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Hi, Mom!
Hi, Dad!
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Don't wave at us, Butters!
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Judges hate when they wave.
He needs to not do that.
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Okay, Staci Mae, nice trot.
Here comes the jump.
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Good. Very nice.
Okay, next.
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Good, Heather.
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That's good control of Sunshine.
Good.
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Okay, Butters, come on.
You're next.
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Come on, Butters.
Come on!
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Oh!
He clunked it!
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It's okay.
It's okay.
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Good job, Butters.
Good job.
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Fuck!
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We should just pull
Butters out of dressage.
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He sucks at this.
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Oh, we can't pull him out.
He loves it.
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Don't you understand, Linda?
I'm scared.
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The big competition is this weekend.
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Butters will be
going up against the Russians.
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Oh, look, here comes the Russian now.
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- Boo!
- Boo!
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Boo, Russia!
Booooo!
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Hey, what are you
booing a little kid for?
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Don't you know who that is?
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That's Dan Solokov's kid!
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Dan Solokov who works
at the Ace Hardware over in Meeker?
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Even the kid's pony
is a Russian Etruscan!
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You piece-a-shit communist!
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You won't take our freedoms away!
Boo, Russia!
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* Games without frontiers *
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* War without tears *
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* Jeux sans fronti?res *
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Yeah?
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Mr. Mackey,
I'd like to have a word with you.
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Oh, yeah, yes, of course, PC Principal.
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I see that you've,
uh, called for another
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nuclear emergency drill this afternoon?
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00:05:02,137 --> 00:05:05,412
Yes, that's right.
We are going to be prepared.
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00:05:05,669 --> 00:05:08,065
Well, Mr. Mackey, this is the seventh drill
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00:05:08,165 --> 00:05:09,686
that we've done in two days.
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00:05:09,786 --> 00:05:12,593
And I see that you also put in
the budget for a bomb shelter
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and 20 VHS copies of "Red Dawn."
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VHS is still really the best
format when you think about it.
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Mr. Mackey, I'm starting to worry
that this is sort of...
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nostalgic for you,
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like you're kind of enjoying this.
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Enjoying it?
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My job is to have this school ready.
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Kids need to know what
Russia is capable of.
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Ah-staff meen-ya if pahk-oye.
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You speak Russian?
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No, but I watched "Hunt For Red October"
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like 200 times.
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Mr. Mackey, I'm not asking you.
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I'm telling you...
Stop with all the drills
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and stop putting ideas
into our students' heads.
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No, you...
you're right, of course.
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I'm...
I'm over-reacting.
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Okay.
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M'kay.
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Alright, Butters, you've
just got two more days
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before the dressage competition.
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I'll do my best, Dad.
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You're gonna have to do
better than that, Butters.
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You see that little
Russian kid over there?
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That kid doesn't give a shit about you.
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He just wants to win
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and take what little
patriotism our country has left.
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That kid?
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You didn't live through the
Cold War, Butters, but we did.
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This tournament is gonna be turned into
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a political spectacle,
and you have to win.
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Otherwise, I'm afraid we'll
have to give your pony away
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to communists who
slaughter ponies and donkeys
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to make skin cream.
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00:07:03,429 --> 00:07:05,857
That's mostly the Chinese,
but a commie's a commie.
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Better dead than red, Butters.
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Oh, Jesus!
Not Melancholy!
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00:07:09,507 --> 00:07:12,888
Now, that little prick
is trying to intimidate you.
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I want you to go in there and
show him how an American rides.
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Come on, boy!
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Butters!
Butters, what the hell are you doing?!
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Well, I dunno!
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You have to learn control!
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Come on, Melancholy, come on!
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Ewwww!
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Butters, what the hell is that?!
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What is what?
Oh, geez!
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Put that thing away, Melancholy!
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Jesus, Linda, what are we gonna do?
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_
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_
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What are you up to, you piece of shit?
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Hello, sir.
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I just needed to talk to somebody.
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00:08:14,771 --> 00:08:16,992
I've been having some problems at home.
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Uh-huh, m'kay, that's nice.
That's good to hear.
166
00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:22,760
Why don't you just, uh, sit
there and tell me about it?
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00:08:22,932 --> 00:08:25,066
Well, it's just my parents.
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You see, a few months ago,
I saw this little girl
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riding a pony and I said,
"Whoa! I wanna do that!"
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Uh-huh.
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So we found a stable and a trainer,
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and I started to learn dressage.
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And I got to lease a pony,
and his name is Melancholy.
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Yeah, yeah, that must be tough.
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I'm sorry to hear that, m'kay.
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Well, I love to ride Melancholy.
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But now I'm feeling
all this pressure to win.
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My parents said I have to win
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00:08:50,264 --> 00:08:51,930
because it's against the Russians.
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M'kay, we...
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The what?
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It's the Russians.
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I mean, I guess they're
just really good at dressage,
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But now my dad says
it's a matter of national security.
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00:09:03,339 --> 00:09:05,475
M'kay.
Butters.
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Don't move your head.
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00:09:07,825 --> 00:09:08,933
Don't move my head?
I...
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00:09:09,033 --> 00:09:11,164
Uh, uh!
They're probably watching us,
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00:09:11,264 --> 00:09:14,449
so keep acting like
you're asking me for help.
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00:09:14,549 --> 00:09:17,263
Well, o-okay, but I kind of am
asking you for help, ya know,
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because I'm feeling
really lost and miserable.
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That's good.
Now listen carefully.
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00:09:22,690 --> 00:09:25,183
What did your parents tell you?
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00:09:25,283 --> 00:09:26,890
Well, they said if I
don't do well at dressage,
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00:09:26,990 --> 00:09:29,071
it could mean the end
of all of our freedoms.
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Jesus Christ.
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00:09:31,330 --> 00:09:33,394
M'kay, well, Butters, you know,
198
00:09:33,494 --> 00:09:37,331
sometimes troubles at
home can be bad, m'kay.
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00:09:38,061 --> 00:09:40,985
I need you to tell me
everything you know
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00:09:41,085 --> 00:09:43,162
about dressage.
201
00:09:51,298 --> 00:09:53,648
We need to have
a serious talk, Melancholy,
202
00:09:53,748 --> 00:09:55,666
and I need you to listen.
203
00:09:56,099 --> 00:09:59,240
There's a time to poop,
and there's a time to work.
204
00:09:59,340 --> 00:10:02,315
And the best thing is to
poop when your work is done.
205
00:10:02,415 --> 00:10:03,855
I-It's like when I'm in the classroom,
206
00:10:03,955 --> 00:10:05,172
sometimes I have to poop,
207
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,902
but I have to wait until lunch break.
208
00:10:07,002 --> 00:10:09,586
If I really have to go, I can
raise my hand to ask politely.
209
00:10:09,686 --> 00:10:12,027
But if you stop and poop
while we're competin',
210
00:10:12,127 --> 00:10:13,700
the judges are gonna deduct points.
211
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:15,307
And then the Russians will beat us,
212
00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:17,929
and then you're gonna get
turned into Chinese skin cream!
213
00:10:18,029 --> 00:10:19,892
We have to do this, Melancholy.
214
00:10:19,992 --> 00:10:22,333
You and me have to
focus like never before.
215
00:10:22,433 --> 00:10:24,674
Now, let's go show them what we can do!
216
00:10:26,714 --> 00:10:27,851
Let's go!
217
00:10:30,753 --> 00:10:32,686
That's it!
You got it, boy!
218
00:10:36,696 --> 00:10:39,206
Nope! Nope!
Melancholy!
219
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,768
Over the jump, boy!
220
00:10:40,868 --> 00:10:42,203
Come on, Melancholy!
221
00:10:43,371 --> 00:10:45,229
What?
W-Where are you going?
222
00:10:45,329 --> 00:10:47,032
Melancholy, back to the jump!
223
00:10:48,604 --> 00:10:50,097
Whoa, Melancholy!
Whoa!
224
00:10:50,197 --> 00:10:51,700
W-What are you doing now?!
225
00:10:52,613 --> 00:10:54,917
Now I'm not sure what's goin' on here.
226
00:10:55,017 --> 00:10:57,776
No! No! No!
Melancholy! Bad pony!
227
00:10:57,876 --> 00:11:00,357
I'm sorry, ma'am!
Melancholy, to the jump!
228
00:12:15,692 --> 00:12:17,412
What are you doing here?
229
00:12:17,512 --> 00:12:18,758
Don't shoot...
230
00:12:18,858 --> 00:12:21,641
I-I'm just the school counselor...
231
00:12:22,771 --> 00:12:24,640
Mr. Stotch?
232
00:12:24,764 --> 00:12:26,151
Mr. Mackey?
233
00:12:26,251 --> 00:12:28,282
What the hell are you doing here?!
234
00:12:28,382 --> 00:12:30,416
What the hell are you doing here?
235
00:12:30,516 --> 00:12:32,657
I'll ask the questions,
I've got the gun!
236
00:12:32,757 --> 00:12:34,607
We were just...
having a look around...
237
00:12:34,707 --> 00:12:36,706
We weren't going to mess
with the Russian pony.
238
00:12:36,806 --> 00:12:38,240
I-I promise.
239
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:39,568
Shut up, Linda.
240
00:12:39,668 --> 00:12:41,545
Mr. and Mrs. Stotch, you know...
241
00:12:41,645 --> 00:12:43,748
Your son has been having some problems
242
00:12:43,848 --> 00:12:45,381
on the playground at school.
243
00:12:45,481 --> 00:12:46,688
What kind of problems?
244
00:12:46,788 --> 00:12:49,329
Well, you know, bullies, and, uh,
245
00:12:49,429 --> 00:12:51,769
pressure for marijuana,
you know, with...
246
00:12:51,869 --> 00:12:53,149
Don't fuckin' move!
247
00:12:54,019 --> 00:12:56,289
Now I want some goddamn answers.
248
00:12:56,555 --> 00:12:59,396
So you want them to win, huh?
You're a traitor.
249
00:12:59,496 --> 00:13:01,412
- I'm not the traitor.
- Yeah, right...
250
00:13:01,512 --> 00:13:03,521
Since when do you care about dressage?
251
00:13:03,621 --> 00:13:07,332
Since I found out the
principal is a Russian spy.
252
00:13:07,432 --> 00:13:08,521
A what?!
253
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,891
There's something
very big going on here,
254
00:13:11,107 --> 00:13:13,347
and I think it involves your son.
255
00:13:13,447 --> 00:13:16,322
Mr. Mackey...
we were just here to try
256
00:13:16,422 --> 00:13:19,430
and give that pony diarrhea
by feeding it Erewhon.
257
00:13:19,777 --> 00:13:21,580
It's the truth.
258
00:13:21,913 --> 00:13:24,283
We're on your side.
259
00:13:27,994 --> 00:13:31,136
I think I understand
what's going on now...
260
00:13:31,236 --> 00:13:35,434
The Communists are gonna use
the pony show as justification...
261
00:13:35,882 --> 00:13:38,208
to fire the missiles.
262
00:13:41,663 --> 00:13:46,172
Welcome, everyone, to the 10
and under pony dressage finals.
263
00:13:46,272 --> 00:13:48,394
We want to thank everyone
for coming out today
264
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,263
to support these little riders.
265
00:13:52,674 --> 00:13:54,348
This is it, Melancholy.
266
00:13:54,448 --> 00:13:56,156
We have to do this.
267
00:13:56,256 --> 00:13:59,731
We have to be classy.
We're not gonna poop.
268
00:13:59,831 --> 00:14:02,005
We're not gonna get a boner,
and we're certainly not gonna
269
00:14:02,105 --> 00:14:04,109
have unwarranted sex with the ladies.
270
00:14:04,209 --> 00:14:08,014
Please, boy...
We have got to get this right.
271
00:14:12,508 --> 00:14:14,041
Hi, Mom.
272
00:14:14,258 --> 00:14:17,916
Well, hi, junior!
What a surprise, m'kay!
273
00:14:18,050 --> 00:14:20,850
Mom...
I need to use something in my old room.
274
00:14:20,950 --> 00:14:23,112
Well, sure, come on in!
275
00:14:24,074 --> 00:14:27,779
Everything is still
just as you left it, son.
276
00:14:31,581 --> 00:14:34,986
Mom, I think World War 3
is about to start.
277
00:14:35,086 --> 00:14:37,760
I'm gonna do what I can
to protect our country!
278
00:14:37,860 --> 00:14:40,430
Oh, uh, m'kay, honey,
I'll make you a snack.
279
00:14:48,264 --> 00:14:50,721
Hello, Mr. Mackey.
280
00:15:01,951 --> 00:15:04,823
_
281
00:15:09,188 --> 00:15:11,522
The Russians are nuking us.
282
00:15:11,622 --> 00:15:13,496
What the hell was that?
283
00:15:13,596 --> 00:15:15,003
Someone from the outside is logged into
284
00:15:15,103 --> 00:15:16,234
the missile defense system!
285
00:15:16,334 --> 00:15:18,708
Well, kick them out!
Shut off the Wi-Fi!
286
00:15:18,808 --> 00:15:20,750
It's not coming in on Wi-Fi!
287
00:15:20,850 --> 00:15:23,487
It's some old, archaic technology!
288
00:15:24,140 --> 00:15:28,039
X = "The Russians are nuking us."
289
00:15:28,139 --> 00:15:31,682
Print X, goto 10.
290
00:15:31,790 --> 00:15:33,401
Run.
291
00:15:33,579 --> 00:15:37,268
_
292
00:15:38,506 --> 00:15:39,979
What are they trying to do?!
293
00:15:40,079 --> 00:15:42,391
It's just repeating the
same line over and over.
294
00:15:42,491 --> 00:15:43,953
How did they get it to do that?!
295
00:15:44,053 --> 00:15:47,424
Sir!
The computers are taking us to DEFCON 3!
296
00:15:55,781 --> 00:15:57,355
Jesus Christ...
297
00:15:57,455 --> 00:15:59,319
It's dressage.
298
00:16:07,619 --> 00:16:12,571
_
299
00:16:13,202 --> 00:16:14,943
_
300
00:16:15,250 --> 00:16:19,433
_
301
00:16:20,285 --> 00:16:26,594
_
302
00:16:29,297 --> 00:16:30,591
President Putin!
303
00:16:32,504 --> 00:16:34,092
* When two tribes go to war *
304
00:16:34,192 --> 00:16:37,760
* A point is all that you can score *
305
00:16:37,860 --> 00:16:39,500
* Score them all, score them all *
306
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:41,674
* When two tribes go to war *
307
00:16:41,774 --> 00:16:44,853
* A point is all that you can score *
308
00:16:44,953 --> 00:16:46,978
* Working for the black gas *
309
00:16:47,078 --> 00:16:48,775
* Cowboy number one *
310
00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:52,643
* A born-again poor man's son *
311
00:16:52,743 --> 00:16:54,550
* Poor man's son *
312
00:16:54,650 --> 00:16:56,223
* On the air America *
313
00:16:56,323 --> 00:16:59,635
* I modeled shirts by Van Heusen *
314
00:16:59,735 --> 00:17:02,276
* Working for the black gas *
315
00:17:02,376 --> 00:17:07,528
- * Yeah *
- Oooh, no! No!
316
00:17:12,851 --> 00:17:14,458
* You know *
317
00:17:14,558 --> 00:17:16,398
* When two tribes go to war *
318
00:17:16,498 --> 00:17:19,860
* A point is all that you can score *
319
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:21,700
* Score them all, score them all *
320
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,787
* When two tribes go to war *
321
00:17:23,887 --> 00:17:27,520
* A point is all you can score *
322
00:17:27,620 --> 00:17:29,901
* Working for the black gas *
323
00:17:31,359 --> 00:17:34,733
* Switch off your shield *
324
00:17:35,197 --> 00:17:37,817
- * Switch off and feel *
- We're running out of time!
325
00:17:37,917 --> 00:17:41,401
Take missiles to DEFCON 2!
326
00:17:42,298 --> 00:17:44,801
Here's your Sunny Delight
and Steak-umms, honey.
327
00:17:44,901 --> 00:17:47,073
Get outta my room, Mom, God!
328
00:17:47,317 --> 00:17:49,018
Get outta my room.
329
00:17:49,888 --> 00:17:52,903
Sweetheart...
are you m'kay?
330
00:17:53,498 --> 00:17:55,238
'Course I'm not m'kay...
331
00:17:55,338 --> 00:17:58,252
But you wouldn't understand
'cause you're a grown-up.
332
00:17:58,434 --> 00:18:00,755
Honey...
as your mother,
333
00:18:00,855 --> 00:18:04,513
I want you to know you can talk to me
about whatever you want.
334
00:18:04,613 --> 00:18:08,370
Even if it's about being
scared of gettin' old.
335
00:18:14,497 --> 00:18:17,768
Things used to be so much simpler, Mama.
336
00:18:19,005 --> 00:18:22,101
There was a good guy and a...
and a bad guy.
337
00:18:22,201 --> 00:18:24,675
And we all...
sort of came together
338
00:18:24,775 --> 00:18:26,562
and loved our country...
339
00:18:26,662 --> 00:18:28,822
Not like it is now.
340
00:18:30,813 --> 00:18:32,359
Ohhh, junior.
341
00:18:32,459 --> 00:18:36,564
I know that gettin' old
isn't so much fun, is it?
342
00:18:36,982 --> 00:18:40,942
We all wanna go back to
a time when we were younger.
343
00:18:41,148 --> 00:18:43,705
You're getting to be around 55.
344
00:18:43,805 --> 00:18:46,657
Your pee-pee doesn't
work so good, does it?
345
00:18:46,757 --> 00:18:49,164
How'd you know about that, Mom?
346
00:18:49,264 --> 00:18:50,901
Well, I'm your mom, honey.
347
00:18:51,001 --> 00:18:53,319
When a man gets to a
point where his pee-pee
348
00:18:53,419 --> 00:18:55,587
doesn't work the way it
used to, he starts to...
349
00:18:55,687 --> 00:18:59,112
well, sit in his room and
play war games again, you know?
350
00:18:59,212 --> 00:19:02,550
But, honey, those times weren't better.
351
00:19:02,872 --> 00:19:04,734
We were all scared.
352
00:19:05,092 --> 00:19:06,609
People died.
353
00:19:07,403 --> 00:19:11,222
That's not something to
strive to get back to.
354
00:19:11,322 --> 00:19:13,338
You're right, mama...
355
00:19:13,438 --> 00:19:14,611
I've been bad.
356
00:19:14,711 --> 00:19:15,851
Oh, you're not bad...
357
00:19:15,951 --> 00:19:17,124
No, I'm bad...
358
00:19:17,224 --> 00:19:18,925
No, no sweetheart.
359
00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:22,159
It...
It just felt good 'cause it was familiar.
360
00:19:22,259 --> 00:19:25,863
That's just sort of
what us old people do.
361
00:19:28,586 --> 00:19:30,373
It all comes down to this.
362
00:19:30,473 --> 00:19:35,711
#823 Davey Solokov and
his Russian Etruscan.
363
00:19:35,811 --> 00:19:39,813
If he completes this last
rail, he will be the winner.
364
00:19:39,913 --> 00:19:41,630
We're all dead, Linda.
365
00:19:41,730 --> 00:19:44,567
Rider...
please demonstrate your trot.
366
00:19:50,369 --> 00:19:53,340
It's Okay, Melancholy...
We did our best...
367
00:19:54,241 --> 00:19:56,430
Whoa...
Where you goin', Melancholy?
368
00:19:56,530 --> 00:19:58,291
And here is the rail.
369
00:19:58,391 --> 00:20:01,691
Wait a minute...
we have another pony in the ring!
370
00:20:04,279 --> 00:20:05,709
What's he doing?
371
00:20:05,809 --> 00:20:08,311
What's he doing?!
He's fighting for democracy!
372
00:20:08,411 --> 00:20:09,784
Go, Butters!
373
00:20:09,884 --> 00:20:11,740
Butters!
Butters!
374
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:13,477
Melancholy!
Bad!
375
00:20:13,577 --> 00:20:14,666
Ahghg!
376
00:20:16,650 --> 00:20:19,182
10... 9... 8...
377
00:20:19,282 --> 00:20:20,480
He's got 'em!
378
00:20:22,291 --> 00:20:25,748
3... 2..1...
You're out!
379
00:20:40,464 --> 00:20:43,822
Let me... Let me though!
Let me through!
380
00:20:44,925 --> 00:20:46,461
Mackey, we did it!
381
00:20:46,684 --> 00:20:48,830
I know!
It's amazing!
382
00:20:49,145 --> 00:20:51,502
This is all a dream come true!
383
00:20:53,230 --> 00:20:58,572
You know... the past few days,
I've been re-living the past.
384
00:20:58,962 --> 00:21:03,067
But during this tournament,
I started to change.
385
00:21:03,282 --> 00:21:05,526
And I just wanna say to the Russians...
386
00:21:05,809 --> 00:21:07,550
That if I can change,
387
00:21:07,650 --> 00:21:09,223
then yous can change!
388
00:21:09,323 --> 00:21:13,022
I know how it is when
you're gettin' old, you know,
389
00:21:13,122 --> 00:21:14,756
and you start getting aggressive
390
00:21:14,856 --> 00:21:17,641
because your dick
doesn't work the way it used to.
391
00:21:18,254 --> 00:21:19,887
Da...
392
00:21:20,179 --> 00:21:21,325
Da...
393
00:21:21,425 --> 00:21:23,821
But just because our dicks don't work
394
00:21:23,921 --> 00:21:27,224
doesn't mean we should go
back to the way things were.
395
00:21:27,530 --> 00:21:30,707
In the immortal words of Sting...
396
00:21:30,807 --> 00:21:33,485
We all share the same biology.
397
00:21:33,585 --> 00:21:36,140
Regardless of ideology.
398
00:21:38,588 --> 00:21:44,601
* I wonder if Russians
get diarrhea from Erewhon too *
399
00:21:45,100 --> 00:21:49,400
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
Re-synced & uncensored by darthfrede
www.addic7ed.com