1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:05,001 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:08,773 --> 00:00:12,053 * I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time * 3 00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:13,888 * Friendly faces everywhere * 4 00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:15,500 * Humble folks without temptation * 5 00:00:15,509 --> 00:00:18,596 * Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind * 6 00:00:18,597 --> 00:00:20,269 * Ample parking day or night * 7 00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,105 * People spouting, "howdy, neighbor!" * 8 00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:25,275 * Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind * 9 00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:28,778 * Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! * 10 00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:31,953 * Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine * 11 00:00:39,876 --> 00:00:41,127 See, Stan? You gotta choose 12 00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:43,109 if you wanna be in Gryffindor or Slytherin. 13 00:00:43,110 --> 00:00:45,070 Yeah, can I do it? 14 00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:47,187 Yeah, see, you gotta fight these fairy guys. 15 00:00:47,188 --> 00:00:48,356 Randy. 16 00:00:49,776 --> 00:00:51,027 Randy! 17 00:00:51,028 --> 00:00:52,529 The powder room toilet is broken. 18 00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:53,948 Again! 19 00:00:53,949 --> 00:00:55,409 Did you jiggle the handle? 20 00:00:55,410 --> 00:00:56,870 Yes, I jiggled the handle. 21 00:00:56,871 --> 00:00:58,665 Will you come fix this, please? 22 00:00:58,666 --> 00:01:01,043 Okay, okay. 23 00:01:06,475 --> 00:01:08,007 Huh, well, let's see. 24 00:01:08,525 --> 00:01:11,984 It's gotta be the little black floaty thingie. 25 00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:13,390 What'd you do to it? 26 00:01:13,391 --> 00:01:15,059 I didn't do anything. 27 00:01:15,060 --> 00:01:16,353 Lemme see if there's water in the bowl. 28 00:01:16,354 --> 00:01:18,398 No! Don't lift the lid. 29 00:01:18,609 --> 00:01:20,205 Why can't I lift the lid? 30 00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:22,445 - Don't, Randy! - Uh-huh. 31 00:01:23,051 --> 00:01:25,011 Hey, guys! Your mom took a shit 32 00:01:25,012 --> 00:01:26,555 and doesn't want me to see it. 33 00:01:26,556 --> 00:01:28,670 - Ew! - Gross, Dad! 34 00:01:28,671 --> 00:01:31,382 Randy! We need to get a new toilet. 35 00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:33,927 We can't just get rid of ol' blue, Sharon. 36 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,179 This is embarrassing. 37 00:01:35,180 --> 00:01:38,429 It's the powder room toilet, the one guests use. 38 00:01:38,430 --> 00:01:40,015 You get a new toilet, Randy, 39 00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:42,851 or I'm not helping you sell weed anymore! 40 00:01:42,852 --> 00:01:45,229 Alright, alright. Sharon, you win. 41 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:47,210 As usual. 42 00:01:48,310 --> 00:01:50,007 Poor ol' Blue. 43 00:01:57,689 --> 00:01:59,441 Can I help you with anything? 44 00:01:59,442 --> 00:02:02,375 Oh, yeah, just lookin' for a new toilet to replace Ol' Blue. 45 00:02:02,376 --> 00:02:04,503 Alright, well, all our toilets here are standard bowl, 46 00:02:04,504 --> 00:02:05,672 come with full warranty. 47 00:02:05,673 --> 00:02:06,976 How much you looking to spend? 48 00:02:06,977 --> 00:02:08,502 Well I'm not poor. 49 00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:10,547 I happen to have my own weed business. 50 00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,882 So that's pretty much the nicest one you have, right? 51 00:02:12,882 --> 00:02:14,467 Yeah, that's probably the top model, you know, 52 00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:17,250 before you start getting into the Japanese toilets. 53 00:02:17,886 --> 00:02:19,221 Japanese toilets? 54 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:20,932 Yeah, they're the sort of the super-high-class 55 00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:22,819 luxury models with all the bells and whistles. 56 00:02:22,820 --> 00:02:25,250 But you probably don't wanna spend that kind of money. 57 00:02:25,251 --> 00:02:26,961 I'm not poor. 58 00:02:26,962 --> 00:02:29,715 Oh, well, we can show them to you. 59 00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:31,926 The Japanese toilets are right over there. 60 00:02:37,535 --> 00:02:38,843 Hi, Rick. This gentleman 61 00:02:38,844 --> 00:02:40,638 would like to see the Japanese toilets. 62 00:02:40,639 --> 00:02:42,849 Well, of course, sir. My name is Rick. 63 00:02:42,850 --> 00:02:44,852 Let me know if there's anything you need. 64 00:02:47,073 --> 00:02:49,241 These toilets are all equipped with the highest-end features, 65 00:02:49,242 --> 00:02:51,036 including an automatic bidet system, 66 00:02:51,037 --> 00:02:53,539 bluetooth capability, and seat warmers. 67 00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:54,875 Seat warmers? 68 00:02:54,876 --> 00:02:56,048 Of course. 69 00:02:56,049 --> 00:02:57,759 And the toilet senses when you've come into the room, 70 00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,971 turns on a small light, plays welcome music, 71 00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:01,578 and raises the lid for you. 72 00:03:01,579 --> 00:03:04,187 Can I offer you some sparkling water or champagne? 73 00:03:04,188 --> 00:03:06,441 Oh, sure, I'll take some champagne. 74 00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,563 All the toilet's functions are operated 75 00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:10,565 by a touch-button remote which you mount 76 00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:12,775 where the toilet-paper roll used to go. 77 00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:14,861 So then where do you keep the toilet paper? 78 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:18,078 With a Japanese toilet, you don't need toilet paper. 79 00:03:18,079 --> 00:03:20,582 The toilet washes you completely clean. 80 00:03:22,396 --> 00:03:23,803 You're mad. 81 00:03:24,210 --> 00:03:25,997 No, it's true. 82 00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:27,749 It has warm water and a dryer 83 00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:30,585 and cleans you eight times better than toilet paper can. 84 00:03:32,261 --> 00:03:34,722 Would you like to take one for a test drive? 85 00:03:34,723 --> 00:03:36,173 Oh, uh, sure. 86 00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:38,070 I did have kind of a big breakfast. 87 00:03:38,071 --> 00:03:39,656 Right over here. 88 00:03:55,224 --> 00:03:56,726 * Oh, yeah * 89 00:03:58,887 --> 00:04:01,146 * I, I, I * 90 00:04:01,147 --> 00:04:02,773 Oh. 91 00:04:04,413 --> 00:04:05,793 * Oh, yeah * 92 00:04:06,017 --> 00:04:09,341 Ooh. Oh, oh! Oh. 93 00:04:09,342 --> 00:04:10,760 Ahhh! 94 00:04:10,761 --> 00:04:12,888 Oh, oh! 95 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,469 Ohh! Oh. 96 00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:28,974 Okay, how much? 97 00:04:30,978 --> 00:04:34,398 Guys, I wanted to talk to you because I want you all 98 00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:37,349 to think about how we're viewed as a family. 99 00:04:38,092 --> 00:04:40,845 You know, as a prominent weed dealer, we are successful, 100 00:04:40,846 --> 00:04:43,823 and we're sort of looked up to in this town 101 00:04:43,824 --> 00:04:47,828 because we have nice things that most families can't afford. 102 00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:49,914 I mean, Stan, you're playing "Hogwarts Legacy" 103 00:04:49,914 --> 00:04:51,333 on PS5, right? 104 00:04:51,334 --> 00:04:53,419 You're playing "Hogwarts Legacy" on a PS5. 105 00:04:53,420 --> 00:04:55,881 Yeah, my... my point is that most people in town 106 00:04:55,882 --> 00:04:57,467 don't even have a PS5. 107 00:04:57,468 --> 00:04:58,896 They still have PS4s, 108 00:04:58,897 --> 00:05:02,317 and so we're basically the Kennedys of South Park. 109 00:05:03,380 --> 00:05:07,055 And the plain fact is that well-off families 110 00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:08,325 have nice things, 111 00:05:08,326 --> 00:05:10,840 and we shouldn't be ashamed of that. 112 00:05:10,849 --> 00:05:12,820 Oh, new toilet's here. 113 00:05:14,894 --> 00:05:18,064 Hajimemashite. Japanese Torei des! 114 00:05:18,065 --> 00:05:20,192 Uh, yes, thank you. Bring it on in. 115 00:05:20,193 --> 00:05:23,488 Kyo fun yori! Kro fun yori! 116 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:28,197 Kyo fun yori! Kro fun yori! Kro fun yori! 117 00:05:28,198 --> 00:05:31,288 That's the new toilet? How much did it cost? 118 00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,958 Oh, Sharon. Tennish. 119 00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:35,587 What's tennish? 120 00:05:35,588 --> 00:05:36,610 Tennish. 121 00:05:36,611 --> 00:05:38,712 Thousandish. Ten thousandish. 122 00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:41,924 You spent $10,000 on a toilet?! 123 00:05:41,924 --> 00:05:43,970 We don't have that kind of money, Randy! 124 00:05:43,971 --> 00:05:45,264 Yeah, we do. 125 00:05:45,265 --> 00:05:47,183 Shitsurei Shimasu! Owarimashita. 126 00:05:47,184 --> 00:05:49,264 Okay, yeah, right here? Okay. 127 00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:54,771 Doomo! Aringanto gozaimashita! 128 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,606 Aringato gozaimashita! 129 00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,066 K, thanks. 130 00:06:03,213 --> 00:06:05,633 You are taking that back to the store. 131 00:06:05,634 --> 00:06:06,968 Try it, Sharon. 132 00:06:06,969 --> 00:06:08,429 I don't need to, Randy. I want... 133 00:06:08,430 --> 00:06:10,057 Try it, Sharon! 134 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,131 * Oh, yeah * 135 00:06:21,132 --> 00:06:22,967 Oh. Oh. 136 00:06:22,975 --> 00:06:24,508 * I, I, I * 137 00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:26,756 Oh! Ohh! 138 00:06:26,757 --> 00:06:28,258 Ah-ha-ha! 139 00:06:28,259 --> 00:06:29,302 I wanna try it. 140 00:06:29,303 --> 00:06:30,381 Shhh! 141 00:06:30,382 --> 00:06:31,811 Ah-ho-ho! 142 00:06:31,812 --> 00:06:33,725 Ohh! 143 00:06:39,815 --> 00:06:41,274 Oh, look, there he goes. 144 00:06:41,282 --> 00:06:42,992 It's Mr. Big Shot. 145 00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,572 Hey, Richie Rich. You eating caviar 146 00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,199 for lunch today, Richie Rich? 147 00:06:52,033 --> 00:06:55,529 Stan, just so you know, nobody gives a shit. 148 00:06:56,724 --> 00:06:58,016 About what? 149 00:06:58,135 --> 00:06:59,470 Come on, guys! 150 00:07:02,211 --> 00:07:04,811 Did you know some people can't even afford to eat? 151 00:07:04,812 --> 00:07:07,990 How about caring for something that matters, you bitch? 152 00:07:08,923 --> 00:07:10,451 What the fuck? 153 00:07:10,762 --> 00:07:13,373 Hey, Stan, you really have to be careful. 154 00:07:13,374 --> 00:07:14,803 Of what? 155 00:07:14,804 --> 00:07:16,848 Look, it's great that you come from a wealthy family, 156 00:07:16,849 --> 00:07:19,045 but people don't like getting their noses rubbed in it. 157 00:07:19,046 --> 00:07:21,757 Dude, I haven't even said anything! 158 00:07:21,758 --> 00:07:23,635 Well, your dad called everyone last night 159 00:07:23,636 --> 00:07:25,888 and told them you have a $10,000 toilet. 160 00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:27,321 What?! 161 00:07:28,710 --> 00:07:31,296 Well, thanks for having us over for brunch, Randy. 162 00:07:31,297 --> 00:07:33,758 Yeah, what's the special occasion? 163 00:07:33,759 --> 00:07:36,748 Oh, you know, just good times with dear friends. 164 00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:39,175 Does anyone need to go to the bathroom? 165 00:07:39,176 --> 00:07:40,802 Uh, no, I'm... I'm good. 166 00:07:40,839 --> 00:07:42,758 Oh, maybe some more coffee, then. 167 00:07:42,759 --> 00:07:45,240 Can you guys believe all the snow we've gotten? 168 00:07:45,241 --> 00:07:47,368 Yeah, maybe it will actually help with the drought. 169 00:07:47,369 --> 00:07:48,550 Let's hope so. 170 00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:50,576 Does anyone need a bathroom break? 171 00:07:51,874 --> 00:07:54,210 Well, actually, I-I think I could use the restroom. 172 00:07:54,211 --> 00:07:55,891 That was kind of a big breakfast. 173 00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:57,459 Oh! Oh, yeah, sure! It's, uh... 174 00:07:57,460 --> 00:07:58,727 It's right across the hallway. 175 00:07:58,728 --> 00:07:59,803 Right there. 176 00:07:59,804 --> 00:08:01,451 Excuse me. 177 00:08:06,564 --> 00:08:08,399 Oh. 178 00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:09,873 What was that? 179 00:08:09,874 --> 00:08:12,897 Oh, that's the welcome music for my Japanese toilet. 180 00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:15,286 I've heard of those. Aren't they expensive? 181 00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,545 Yeah, a bit. 182 00:08:16,546 --> 00:08:18,464 But for those of us who can afford it, 183 00:08:18,465 --> 00:08:19,967 it's well worth it. 184 00:08:20,158 --> 00:08:22,076 Oh! Ohhh! 185 00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:24,295 Ohhhh! 186 00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:26,005 He's now turned on the rear jet, 187 00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:27,983 which cleans your bottom with warm water. 188 00:08:27,984 --> 00:08:29,361 Oh. Ohhh! 189 00:08:29,362 --> 00:08:31,927 Ah! That's the front washer 190 00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:34,430 that washes your balls, or vagina. 191 00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:39,393 If you think about it, a dry piece of toilet paper 192 00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:41,803 can't clean you half as well as pressurized water. 193 00:08:41,804 --> 00:08:43,688 I feel bad that most people have to walk around 194 00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:45,399 with fecal matter on their anus, 195 00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:46,615 but I'm just lucky 196 00:08:46,616 --> 00:08:48,576 I've sold enough weed to be able not to. 197 00:08:48,577 --> 00:08:51,247 But was it really luck? Or was it hard work? 198 00:08:51,248 --> 00:08:53,073 Heck, I don't know, but you know... 199 00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,700 Dad, can I talk to you?! 200 00:08:54,715 --> 00:08:56,544 Stan? You're back from school already? 201 00:08:56,545 --> 00:08:58,561 I need to talk to you right now! 202 00:08:59,371 --> 00:09:00,716 The fuck are you doing?! 203 00:09:00,717 --> 00:09:02,041 Fuck are you doing? 204 00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:04,126 You need to stop gloating to everybody! 205 00:09:04,126 --> 00:09:05,795 I am not gloating. 206 00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:06,963 Yes, you are, and now kids at school 207 00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:08,998 are calling me Richie Rich! 208 00:09:09,189 --> 00:09:10,256 They are? 209 00:09:10,257 --> 00:09:12,259 Nobody cares about your stupid toilet 210 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,053 - and you're acting like a jerk. - You're stupid. 211 00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:17,717 I'm acting like a jerk because I'm trying to help people?! 212 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:19,725 How are you trying to help people, Dad? 213 00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:23,146 Because the people don't know that these toilets are awesome, 214 00:09:23,147 --> 00:09:25,358 and I'm just, like, the well-respected guy 215 00:09:25,359 --> 00:09:28,483 who's trying to open people's eyes like JFK. 216 00:09:28,889 --> 00:09:31,397 You are not like JFK! 217 00:09:31,398 --> 00:09:32,858 You're just showing off! 218 00:09:32,859 --> 00:09:36,537 Nu-uh, I'm like JFK 'cause I am trying to change things! 219 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:39,327 You're part of a very respected family, Stan. 220 00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:41,420 You should start acting like it. 221 00:09:41,421 --> 00:09:43,423 Okay, who's next? 222 00:09:49,398 --> 00:09:51,710 * Oh, yeah * 223 00:09:53,132 --> 00:09:55,176 * I, I, I * 224 00:09:57,427 --> 00:10:02,307 * Atashi wa Heia des-u * 225 00:10:02,308 --> 00:10:06,256 * Toire ni iru kara * 226 00:10:06,257 --> 00:10:08,624 - Randy? - * Kimochi I I * 227 00:10:08,625 --> 00:10:10,460 - Randy! - What?! 228 00:10:10,461 --> 00:10:13,366 Your proctologist is here to see you. 229 00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,032 My proctologist? 230 00:10:18,177 --> 00:10:19,678 Oh, hey there, Doc. 231 00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:22,246 Well, Randy Marsh, how are ya? 232 00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:24,123 I'm doing great. How are you? 233 00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:26,167 Wonderful! Just been super busy. 234 00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,991 I'm actually takin' the wife to Tuscany day after tomorrow. 235 00:10:28,992 --> 00:10:30,869 Tuscany? Wow. Awesome. 236 00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,299 Yeah, well, Randy you haven't been in my office 237 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:34,827 for a few days, so I thought I'd come 238 00:10:34,828 --> 00:10:37,344 do a house call to help you with your hemorrhoids. 239 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,225 Oh! No, Doctor. 240 00:10:39,226 --> 00:10:41,561 I haven't needed to come to your office. 241 00:10:41,562 --> 00:10:44,148 In fact, I don't think I'll be needing your services anymore 242 00:10:44,149 --> 00:10:46,546 since I've gotten a Japanese toilet. 243 00:10:46,643 --> 00:10:48,229 Oh... Oh, really? 244 00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:50,232 It's completely changed my life. 245 00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:52,234 I'm healthier, I'm less stressed, 246 00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:55,071 and I don't get hemorrhoids 'cause I'm not smearing shit 247 00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,906 all over my ass with toilet paper. 248 00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:58,171 Huh. 249 00:10:58,172 --> 00:10:59,889 Here, here. You wanna come see it?! 250 00:11:00,650 --> 00:11:02,319 Go on, check it out. 251 00:11:15,670 --> 00:11:17,173 D-Dr. Sheltair? 252 00:11:19,177 --> 00:11:20,788 Dr. Sheltair?! 253 00:11:22,186 --> 00:11:23,765 You stupid! 254 00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:26,352 You ruined Tuscany! Gah! 255 00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:27,881 - Stop it! - I hate you! 256 00:11:27,882 --> 00:11:30,218 I hate you! I hate you! 257 00:11:30,219 --> 00:11:32,388 Go on! Get out of here! 258 00:11:32,474 --> 00:11:34,260 How am I supposed to tell my wife 259 00:11:34,261 --> 00:11:36,653 we can't afford to go to Tuscany now?! 260 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,989 I never realized you made so much money off my ass. 261 00:11:40,225 --> 00:11:42,034 Go on. Get. 262 00:11:42,181 --> 00:11:43,808 Get! 263 00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:55,482 Hey, Stan! Stan hold up! 264 00:11:55,483 --> 00:11:56,715 What? 265 00:11:56,715 --> 00:11:58,843 Well, um, you're just a really good friend, Stan, 266 00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:00,491 and... and I was gonna ask if maybe 267 00:12:00,492 --> 00:12:02,436 I could borrow your plungercost? 268 00:12:02,693 --> 00:12:04,341 What's a plungercost? 269 00:12:04,342 --> 00:12:07,892 It doesn't cost nothing when your toilet's nice as yours, Richie Rich! 270 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:12,231 I did it! I called Stan Richie Rich, too! 271 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,381 That was fun! 272 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,364 Stan, you've got to stop bragging about your toilet. 273 00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:22,199 I'm not bragging about my toilet! 274 00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:24,365 And why is it such a big deal anyway? 275 00:12:24,366 --> 00:12:27,997 It's a big deal, Stan. You just don't understand why. 276 00:12:30,793 --> 00:12:33,772 Have you ever asked yourself why we use toilet paper? 277 00:12:34,410 --> 00:12:37,746 We're told to wash our hands... wear masks in crowds... 278 00:12:38,014 --> 00:12:40,068 but for some reason, when it comes to wiping our ass, 279 00:12:40,069 --> 00:12:42,280 we're told to do it with this little piece of paper. 280 00:12:42,795 --> 00:12:45,339 We are all... all of us... Walking around right now 281 00:12:45,340 --> 00:12:48,163 with a little bit of shit smeared on our buttholes. 282 00:12:48,607 --> 00:12:50,101 Did you know that 70% of people in the world 283 00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:52,264 don't even use it at all? 284 00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:55,545 70% of the world doesn't use toilet paper? 285 00:12:55,546 --> 00:12:56,717 Look it up. 286 00:12:56,718 --> 00:12:59,346 Most people in the world still use good ol' soap and water. 287 00:12:59,561 --> 00:13:02,826 The average American uses 140 rolls 288 00:13:02,827 --> 00:13:04,366 of toilet paper per year. 289 00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:06,952 Can you even begin to imagine how many trees that is? 290 00:13:07,085 --> 00:13:08,787 To supply the United States its toilet paper, 291 00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:13,626 it takes 31.1 million trees per year. 292 00:13:13,811 --> 00:13:15,461 A million acres per year of precious 293 00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:16,837 Canadian Boreal forest alone, 294 00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:19,632 releasing upwards of 25 metric tons of CO2 295 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,009 and leveling 90% of the land barren. 296 00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:24,637 So, then, why do Americans use it so much? 297 00:13:24,733 --> 00:13:26,597 Well, that's the big question, isn't it? 298 00:13:26,701 --> 00:13:28,569 None of it makes any sense. 299 00:13:28,570 --> 00:13:31,392 - Well, then, maybe somebody... - Just tell your dad to stop. 300 00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:33,145 Americans don't want to change their toilets 301 00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:35,139 and they never will. 302 00:13:35,974 --> 00:13:39,069 Ladies and gentlemen, we have a public service announcement. 303 00:13:39,077 --> 00:13:41,529 One of our citizens has asked to speak with you. 304 00:13:41,662 --> 00:13:44,599 Please welcome Mr. Randy S. Marsh. 305 00:13:49,107 --> 00:13:51,764 Thank you, Mayor. Thank you, everyone. 306 00:13:51,788 --> 00:13:54,207 You know, the Marshes are a family that try to always 307 00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,918 lead by example. 308 00:13:55,997 --> 00:13:59,162 And we know that all of you appreciate that. 309 00:13:59,796 --> 00:14:04,676 Everyone deserves to be clean, and the truth is, you can be. 310 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:06,345 You might not be the Marshes, 311 00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:09,682 but you can afford a Japanese toilet. 312 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:12,518 Just not a really nice one like what we have. 313 00:14:12,857 --> 00:14:14,143 If you take into account the money 314 00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:17,439 we all spend on toilet paper, doctors, and hemorrhoid cream, 315 00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:21,819 a Japanese toilet pays for itself in just a few years. 316 00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:25,364 There are actually Japanese toilets made for commoners. 317 00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,908 Walmart and Amazon all carry the lower 318 00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:31,453 cost of shitty Japanese toilets that anyone can afford. 319 00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:33,289 There's even these like attachment thingies 320 00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:34,623 for your existing toilet 321 00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:37,167 which will make you feel like a Marsh yourself. 322 00:14:37,271 --> 00:14:39,826 They may not be Nihon No style-ru, 323 00:14:39,827 --> 00:14:42,256 but they are good enough for you guys. 324 00:14:42,436 --> 00:14:47,829 The point is... even commoners don't need toilet paper anymore! 325 00:14:47,844 --> 00:14:50,471 And, so, I am suggesting that this town puts all... 326 00:14:54,225 --> 00:14:55,894 Holy shit! 327 00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:57,813 Randy?! Wah! 328 00:15:04,819 --> 00:15:07,655 I'm sorry, but he's in critical condition. 329 00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:09,450 Who shot him? 330 00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,285 Nobody knows. 331 00:15:11,607 --> 00:15:13,202 Is he gonna be okay? 332 00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:14,705 He's in a coma. 333 00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:18,250 He's unconscious and just blabbering nonsense. 334 00:15:18,878 --> 00:15:24,311 Bikkuri... Bikkurishita... Taiehn deshou... 335 00:15:24,532 --> 00:15:27,785 Mr. Marsh, your whole family is here. 336 00:15:27,786 --> 00:15:30,706 Your wife, your daughter, and your son. 337 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:33,123 T-Toire Wa? 338 00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,601 No, your toilet is back at the farm. 339 00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:38,491 Taihen ja naaaa... 340 00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:41,382 Dad, I'm sorry I yelled at you before. 341 00:15:41,383 --> 00:15:43,780 I didn't know you were really trying to help. 342 00:15:44,233 --> 00:15:47,820 Kon-nichi waaa... 343 00:15:49,614 --> 00:15:53,451 - Stan, where are you going? - I let dad down once. 344 00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:55,928 Somebody has to pick up where he left off. 345 00:16:01,568 --> 00:16:03,833 I promise we're doing all we can. 346 00:16:03,834 --> 00:16:04,922 I'm sorry for what happened, 347 00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:06,882 but you need to leave it to the professionals. 348 00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:09,005 There's something more going on here. 349 00:16:09,006 --> 00:16:11,220 I think my dad was on to something and I 350 00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,661 didn't listen to him, and now he's in a hospital. 351 00:16:13,662 --> 00:16:15,080 We've already got a few leads 352 00:16:15,081 --> 00:16:16,833 and we're following up on all of them. 353 00:16:16,834 --> 00:16:19,603 I assure you we take this all very seriously. 354 00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,522 This isn't a joke to us. 355 00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:23,524 - Chief, hey, Chief! - Yeah? 356 00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:24,900 An angry proctologist walked in 357 00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:27,202 to the toilet section of Home Depot. 358 00:16:27,334 --> 00:16:28,737 Y-Yeah? 359 00:16:28,737 --> 00:16:30,656 Proctologist says to the toilet manager, 360 00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,574 "I ain't taking the fall," and pulls a gun 361 00:16:32,574 --> 00:16:34,243 on six Japanese delivery men. 362 00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:35,869 Okay. 363 00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:37,663 So, then, the six Japanese delivery men show up, 364 00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,540 and the proctologist has everyone held hostage 365 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,041 and says he's not taking the fall 366 00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:42,889 for the Randy Marsh shooting. 367 00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:44,962 Oh, shit, this is actually happening?! 368 00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:46,880 Come on, people, let's go! 369 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,468 I ain't going down for this! 370 00:16:51,685 --> 00:16:55,012 You got that, coppers?! I didn't shoot anybody! 371 00:16:55,013 --> 00:16:56,265 But if I'm going down, 372 00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:58,767 I'll take these careless bastards out with me! 373 00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:00,562 Would you like some sparkling water or champagne... 374 00:17:00,563 --> 00:17:02,243 Get... Get outta here! 375 00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,189 Come on out. 376 00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:06,897 There's no other way, we have you surrounded. 377 00:17:07,135 --> 00:17:09,881 I didn't shoot Randy Marsh! 378 00:17:09,882 --> 00:17:12,677 - Taihen! - Nobody's saying you did! 379 00:17:12,739 --> 00:17:16,033 No, but they're gonna use me as their scapegoat! 380 00:17:16,034 --> 00:17:18,474 They'll fix things like they always do! 381 00:17:18,475 --> 00:17:20,330 - Who will? - They'll use their lawyers 382 00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:22,750 and their power to make it all go away! 383 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,960 Just like they did back when that 2nd grade kid 384 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,920 wrote a story in the school paper about toilets 385 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,213 two years ago! 386 00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:29,798 They'll take me out, too! 387 00:17:29,905 --> 00:17:31,300 There's no stopping them! 388 00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,756 Don't do it! 389 00:17:34,670 --> 00:17:36,849 Sabishiiiii! 390 00:17:36,850 --> 00:17:38,348 Aww! Alright move in! 391 00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:39,850 Secure the area. 392 00:17:41,827 --> 00:17:43,520 2nd grade kid two years ago... 393 00:17:43,655 --> 00:17:45,989 Wrote about toilets in the school news paper. 394 00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:52,912 You weren't warning me about people getting upset. 395 00:17:53,670 --> 00:17:55,380 You know more about this. 396 00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:59,453 Hey! 397 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:01,162 You wrote a story in the school paper 398 00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,581 and someone came after you! 399 00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:04,792 Yeah I wrote a story, big deal! 400 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,086 Jimmy, I want to know who shot my dad! 401 00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,086 They took everything from me, Stan. 402 00:18:09,311 --> 00:18:11,832 My bike... my cat... 403 00:18:11,833 --> 00:18:13,418 They were gonna sue my parents 404 00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,385 for what I wrote in the school paper. 405 00:18:15,576 --> 00:18:18,209 You're talking about the toilet paper companies. 406 00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:21,850 Who has the most to lose? It's all toilet paper, Stan! 407 00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:25,755 Follow the money! 140 rolls per American per year. 408 00:18:25,756 --> 00:18:27,439 Factories pushing out roll after roll 409 00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:29,191 while razing Earth's resources. 410 00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,026 All of this for an unsanitary product 411 00:18:31,026 --> 00:18:33,474 that has been proven to contribute to anal fissures. 412 00:18:33,475 --> 00:18:35,030 Don't you get it, man? 413 00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:38,755 Paper doesn't clean bacteria. It can't stop viruses. 414 00:18:38,756 --> 00:18:40,035 With all that information, 415 00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:41,495 you'd think the world health organization 416 00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:43,622 would do studies to find alternatives. 417 00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,207 So why don't they? 418 00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,334 Because toilet paper is an industry worth 419 00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:50,671 billions and b-billions of dollars. 420 00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:54,925 Kimberly-Clark, Georgia-Pacific, Procter & Gamble. 421 00:18:55,178 --> 00:18:57,495 They don't want Japanese toilets in America 422 00:18:57,741 --> 00:18:59,847 and they have the power to stop them, 423 00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:01,428 and to stop you. 424 00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:05,269 I can't believe they shot my dad... 425 00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,397 because he wanted to change things. 426 00:19:07,796 --> 00:19:11,424 These people have deeper pockets than you can possibly imagine. 427 00:19:11,425 --> 00:19:14,373 They can destroy everything you love, Stan. 428 00:19:14,777 --> 00:19:16,362 Take my advice... 429 00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:18,920 Don't. Squeeze. The Charmin. 430 00:19:20,457 --> 00:19:24,295 You might be too scared Jimmy, but I'm a Marsh. 431 00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:30,502 My fellow Americans... 432 00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:32,774 we have been coerced and brain washed. 433 00:19:32,775 --> 00:19:34,360 While the rest of the world walks around 434 00:19:34,361 --> 00:19:36,425 with cleaner buttholes, we are obsessed with dry paper 435 00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:39,344 sold to us by billion-dollar corporations. 436 00:19:39,884 --> 00:19:42,598 - Yeah. - Hey, yeah, he's right! 437 00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:44,933 My father wanted everyone to see that there were alternatives. 438 00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:47,313 But they don't want him talking about alternatives! 439 00:19:47,314 --> 00:19:48,604 Yeah! 440 00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:51,648 And we can't be blindly buying their products anymore. 441 00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:54,151 And as a town, we will find alternatives, 442 00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,444 and we will not be afraid to... 443 00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:57,905 Stop! Stop! We're not doing this! 444 00:19:58,024 --> 00:19:59,439 - Dad! - Everyone just stop, 445 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:00,486 we're not doing this. 446 00:20:00,486 --> 00:20:02,492 Thank you. South Park, uh, we-we're cutting this short. 447 00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:05,071 I was totally wrong and I want to apologize. 448 00:20:05,072 --> 00:20:06,496 No, dad, it's the toilet paper companies 449 00:20:06,496 --> 00:20:08,123 - that are behind all the... - Yeah, I know. 450 00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:10,334 Yeah, so, uh, w-we have nothing against toilet paper. 451 00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:11,919 It's a great product and, uh, 452 00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:13,716 it was childish of me to make fun of it. 453 00:20:13,717 --> 00:20:15,344 Thanks, though. We'll see ya later. 454 00:20:15,345 --> 00:20:16,632 Dad, we can't just back down. 455 00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:19,009 Bro! I got fucking shot! 456 00:20:20,801 --> 00:20:22,595 Japanese toilets are totally unnecessary, 457 00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:24,306 and, uh, in case anyone else is listening, 458 00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:27,476 I think all of South Park would like to apologize. 459 00:20:27,547 --> 00:20:30,011 We retract what we said about toilet paper companies. 460 00:20:30,012 --> 00:20:33,001 They... They have done nothing but help us, and we are sorry. 461 00:20:33,687 --> 00:20:36,078 South Park... everyone... Say you're sorry. 462 00:20:36,817 --> 00:20:39,153 We're sorry. 463 00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:41,323 Okay, great. Come on, guys, let's go home. 464 00:20:41,493 --> 00:20:43,860 What about helping people and leading by example? 465 00:20:43,861 --> 00:20:45,661 We're not the Goddamn Kennedys, Stan. 466 00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,287 Stop being an idiot. 467 00:21:12,304 --> 00:21:14,853 Nice to have you back, Ol' Blue. 468 00:21:16,178 --> 00:21:18,930 You know, guys, I'm actually not that sad. 469 00:21:18,931 --> 00:21:21,363 Having a Japanese toilet was great, but... 470 00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:23,198 I've come to realize that, 471 00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:25,784 when you have some big, nice luxury thing, 472 00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:27,703 it eventually just becomes normal. 473 00:21:27,961 --> 00:21:29,745 But you start comparing it to all the other things 474 00:21:29,746 --> 00:21:33,083 in your life which suddenly feel you have to upgrade, too. 475 00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:35,544 So, it's really best to just 476 00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:38,880 stick with the beat-up, crappy old things we have. 477 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,632 Love you forever, Honey. 478 00:21:43,434 --> 00:21:46,434 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com