* I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time *
* Friendly faces everywhere *
* Humble folks without temptation *
* Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind *
* Ample parking day or night *
* People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" *
* Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind *
* Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! *
* Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine *
You guys! You guys, oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!
- What is it? - What happened, Bebe?
Clyde just sent me another text.
Oh, what's this one say?
I texted him if he thought about me all the time,
and he texted back,
"It certainly seems like all the time."
It's hard to get someone like you out of my mind.
Aw!
Doesn't he just send the best texts ever?
- Yeah, he does! - Sure does.
Yesterday, I texted him, "How do you know
you're in love with me?" And he said,
"I know I'm in love with you because spending time with you
makes me feel like I'm home
and I can't imagine life without you."
- Aw! - That's so sweet!
Clyde wrote that?
OMG, Clyde.
Do you really care about me that much?
Does Stan ever talk to you like that, Wendy?
No. Every time I send
Stan a text, he just responds with a thumbs up emoji.
Yeah, well, Clyde is just really into me.
Oh, he's texting back!
"Yes, I do care about you that much.
You mean a lot to me and I care deeply about you."
Aw!
He sure is in love with you, Bebe!
He's a goddamn dream boat!
_
Hey, Stan, is there a time we could talk today?
I'm feeling a little insecure about some things.
Hey, Clyde, can I talk to you?
- Sure, bro. - Well, um,
Wendy just came up to me and was acting all hurt
'cause she thinks I don't care about her.
Uh-huh.
And she said that she wishes I would reply to her texts
the way that Clyde responds to Bebe's.
So, like... how do you do it?
ChatGPT, dude.
- ChatGPT? - Yeah, dude,
there's a bunch of apps and programs you can subscribe
to that use OpenAI to do all your writing for you.
People use em to write poems, write job applications,
but what they're really good for
is dealing with chicks.
Here. Check it out.
There's tons of ChatGPT apps for you phone.
So, then I can take whatever latest dumb thing
Bebe texted me, I copy it,
then I open the GPT app,
Click "respond to," paste her text here, hit "write."
It just thinks for a second.
"You would look great with any length of hair!
Trying a new look could be fun."
Copy that into messages and send it off.
It's super easy and convenient and it saves me a ton of time
because she texts me so goddamn much.
Jesus Christ!
"I probably won't do it, but thanks for being supportive."
Cut. Paste. Write. Cut. Messages. Paste.
Send. There.
_
All done with her stupid shit.
This is a real app?
It'll completely change your life, bro.
Just, uh... Just don't tell anybody, huh?
If Bebe found out, I'd be a dead man.
_
* Wet ink on the paper makes me nervous *
* I nearly lose my vision *
* Then my breath and my pulse and my mind *
* Quicken *
* Head below my knees *
* I come alive *
_
* Keeps me awake thinking back *
* Oh, my first sight of you was my first heart attack *
* Every letter makes me lose my reason *
* Every word is like your kindest touch *
* And if I told you *
* How much I need you *
* Would you give me yourself or turn and run? *
_
* I read to myself until I go blind *
* Your words fall around me all through the night *
* I can't resist and I don't want to fight *
* Will you be held *
* Will you be touched *
* By my hand through this paper? *
* This is all too much *
* Will we be ravaged *
* Will we be true *
* To somebody perfect, somebody like you *
* I'm tired of yearning *
* I'm tired of learning *
* I need to drink you *
* My heart has been burning *
Hello?
Hey, Stan, I didn't get it yet.
Didn't get what?
You asked me if I wanted
a bedtime story about frogs or a song about swans.
I said a bedtime story!
Oh, yeah, I-I wrote it.
I'll send it to you right now.
Okay, bye!
Okay, children let's take our seats.
I've graded your midterm essays,
and I have to say, for the most part, they were terrible.
However, there were some essays that I'm very happy with.
There was a really great essay from Clyde
on the "1840s Labor Unions
and Their Effect on the Industrial Revolution."
Let's hear it for Clyde, kids!
Great work, Clyde.
Thank you. Thank you.
- Uh-huh. - What?
Someone who never writes good essays, Butters,
wrote an amazing piece on "Post-Cold War Poland
and the Changing Provision of Security."
Check plus, Butters!
Oh, uh... thanks.
We also have another student
who wrote a shockingly good paper.
This one's called "A Feminist Neoliberal Perspective"
of Post-War Afghanistan" by Eric Cartman!
Ah, yes, thank you, thank you.
And this week, we have a new student to the check plus club.
For an amazing essay called "Writing a Policy
About Improving the Rights of Migrant Workers."
Let's hear it for Stan!
All right, what the hell is going on?!
You tell me what's going on!
Clearly, somebody told Stan about ChatGPT!
You guys are using it to write essays, too!
Yes, we are all using it,
and we had a pact that we wouldn't tell anyone else
because then everyone will start using it
and Mr. Garrison will figure it out!
So who fucking blabbed to Stan?
I just told Stan about it as a tool to text his girlfriend.
God damn it, Clyde!
You don't use an amazing AI cheating tool to talk to girls!
You're gonna ruin everything!
This can't be open source, you guys!
If everyone starts using ChatGPT,
then we lose our unfair advantage.
Oh, God-fucking-damn it.
If they find out that we don't have to work anymore,
then they aren't gonna want to work and then we're all screwed!
Who's the one who first found ChatGPT
and thought to use it for essays?
- Butters. - Right.
But then Butters told me about it,
and I told him not to tell anyone else!
Right, but then you went and blabbed about it to Clyde.
That's right. I was a little excited.
You guys, I'm not going to tell anyone else!
You really think I want Wendy finding out about this thing?
Fine. So we're all in it together.
But you guys need to be careful what you use it for.
Because once you bring girls into things,
they're gonna ruin it.
Just like slavery.
Ugh.
Ugh, God, I can't take it, Rick!
What's the matter?
Oh, it's just grading these stupid papers all the time!
I have to read em' all and comment on each one of them.
Jesus Christ. Something's changed,
and now a few of the kids are writing these really long,
detailed essays. I don't know what's going on.
I guess I've taught them really well,
maybe a bit too well.
Uh, yeah...
Have you ever heard of ChatGPT?
ChatGPWhoza what? The fuck is that?
There's a few apps now, really. But see?
It has AI and takes any subject matter
and can instantly give you
whatever kind of content you want.
Wait a minute...
There's an app that anyone can use
that does all the thinking and writing for you?
Yeah.
Well, this is gonna be amazing!
I can use it to grade all my papers,
and no one will ever know!
Uh, yeah, sure.
I'll just type the title of the essay in,
and it'll generate a comment,
and I don't even have to read the stupid things!
Yeah, and then you'll have more free time.
Oh, this is great. Thanks so much!
Just got to make sure nobody finds out I'm being sneaky
Oh, and... And, hey, Rick?
Yeah?
Thanks for all the replies to my texts today.
They were really supportive.
Oh. Yeah. Sure thing.
This place is good, right?
Yeah, it's really good.
Well, I know it's not much,
but I just wanted to take you out somewhere
- to say thanks, Stan. - For what?
For stepping up and working on communication
when I asked you to.
Oh, that's cool.
The things we've talked about, Stan,
it's really helping me.
I don't feel so alone and misunderstood.
I've been so scared for so long to tell anyone
what happened to me when I was six.
- Yeah. - And...
everything you had to say about it was just right.
It really changed the way I think about the whole thing.
Yeah.
And when you said the same thing happened to you, I...
I couldn't believe it.
Were you at home when it happened?
- Yep. - But you're right.
We can't dwell on those things.
You're right about a lot of stuff.
There was just that one thing I don't understand.
About the boating accident in Switzerland?
The boating accident in Switzerland...
was tough.
I thought you said it was great.
It was great. And very tough.
But how did it cause the thing with your cousin?
Oh, shit. What time is it?
It's a little after 4:00.
Oh, shit. My mom told me to be home
right at a little after 4:00.
Sorry, Wendy. I-I gotta get going.
No, no, no, that's totally okay. I gotta get going, too.
Okay, cool.
Thank you so much, Stan.
Thank you for being the only real thing in my life.
Shit.
"Oh, Bebe, your name is like a song.
A melody stuck in my head so long.
I can't help but smile when I hear it said...
Bebe, the name always in my head."
Oh, God, so obvious.
"I dream of spending my days with you, Bebe.
In South Park or anywhere that maybay.
Talking, laughing, just being together."
"In a dream I hope will last forever."
Excuse me, Mr. Garrison?
* Beruhre meinen korper *
Mr. Garrison?!
Oh, yeah. What?
I'm sorry, but I need to address your class really quick.
Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. Go ahead.
M'kay, kids, I need to discuss a very serious matter.
There is a rumor going around that someone at this school
is using open AI technology to do their work.
Well, that's crazy! Who would do that?
Now, I know that everyone at this school is honest,
hard-working, m'kay, wouldn't...
Wouldn't even want to use this "ChatGBD."
ChatGPT!
Oh, m'kay, but the school board
has decided to call in a company
that can detect AI in schoolwork
and make sure nobody here is cheating.
They... They are gonna what?
So we're just gonna collect all the school work that we can...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
And we are gonna have them analyzed
for any AI contributions, m'kay?
Well, those are... Those aren't, uh, quite ready.
Don't worry. We'll get these all back to you
after the testers look through them.
M'kay, kids, sorry for the intrusion.
Get back to your day. M'kay.
God fucking dammit!
I told you guys this was gonna happen!
What are we gonna do?!
There's nothing we can do. It's over!
We've lost our unfair advantage.
That's not what's important.
If they find out I've been using open AI for class,
Wendy's gonna know I've been using it with her,
and it's gonna crush her!
Dude, same. Bebe's gonna fucking kill me.
And who's fault is that, you guys?
I told you that once you bring women into things,
they ruin it just like they did slavery.
Okay, Eric, could you explain
exactly how women ruined slavery?
No, I can't, because I can't use fuckin' ChatGPT anymore
'cause we got fuckin' busted!
Look, maybe...
Maybe this AI-detection technology won't work.
It doesn't matter if it doesn't work.
Cat is out of the bag now!
This was supposed to be our thing
for us to get ahead, but now...
God dammit, get the fuck out of here!
M'kay, I'm just a little confused.
You think we shouldn't have the kids' schoolwork analyzed
for using AI writing apps?
Look, it's just...
It's really unfair to the kids.
I mean, what are we saying? That we don't trust them?
I mean, geez!
But don't you think if kids aren't writing their own papers,
we should know?
Oh, what are people afraid of?
That AI is gonna replace real writers?
That Hollywood is gonna become
just a bland recycling of old ideas?
It already is! AI might help it!
Well, I don't know what you want me to do.
Yes?
Mr. Mackey, the technician
from the school advisory board
just pulled into the parking lot.
Someone here using AI technology to do their classwork?!
If there is ChatGPT being used here,
I will find it.
Shadowbane! Fly!
Uh, hello.
I'm the counselor here at South Park Elementary.
This is one of our teachers, Mr. Garrison.
I...
have been hired by the Park Country School Board
to determine if any students
are using generative AI technology to do their work.
Uh, yes, we're excited to work with you.
We have a lot of great students here.
It only takes one student.
And then it spreads like a cancer.
Come, Shadowbane!
Let us find this ChatGPT-using cheater!
I'm gonna get fired. That's it.
Mr. Garrison, can I talk to you?
Oh, is it important, Stan?
'Cause I'm kinda dealing with some stuff right now.
Yes, it is important.
You know, when you've done something wrong,
sometimes the best thing to do
is just come out and admit it.
Okay.
Okay, you're right. How did you find out?
Clyde told me about it.
I came to you because if they find something out about me,
and you punish me,
it's gonna really hurt Wendy.
I don't wanna punish anyone, Stan.
- I completely understand. - You do?
Sure, I think most the world does.
I mean, why does it matter who uses AI apps?
It's just like having a good writer's assistant.
Yeah, like a good writer's assistant.
Yeah! I mean, you're still the one
taking the time to, like, push the buttons and stuff.
Yeah! So you really don't think
Wendy would be upset that I used ChatGPT
to respond to her texts?
Hold on. People can use it
to respond to other people's texts?!
Rick! That lying piece of shit!
But we were just saying it was understandable...
No! This is totally different!
Whoever uses it for messages is a fuckin' monster!
M'kay, everyone, please just stay calm.
They got him!
They found the kid that's been using AI apps.
Get back! Get back, all of you.
I have the student isolated inside.
W-What exactly have you found?
We went through thousands of papers.
But then Shadowbane detected Chatbot writing
in this student's phone.
There, you see? She's going crazy.
Oh, no.
What is going on?
Oh, God. No, no, no, no.
The GPT stuff on her phone didn't come from her.
Keep all the children back, Mackey.
We can't let it spread!
I will go inside and get her confession.
You have been cheating on your schoolwork.
- No, I haven't. - Say it!
You have used ChatGPT to write your essays for you.
Now humble yourself before the school!
I write my own essays.
I don't know what to do.
I'm not creative enough to think of a way out of this.
Wait. That's it.
Once upon a time,
there was a boy named Stan who lived in South Park.
Stan loved his girlfriend very much,
but lately he hadn't been truthful with her.
One day, when Stan got to school,
he was approached by his best friend.
Dude, did you hear what happened to your girlfriend?
No, what about her?
Dude, she got caught cheating on her essay.
Just then, Stan noticed a commotion down the hallway.
This student is going to jail for cheating.
Drugs are bad, m'kay?
Hold it right there!
Look, everyone, we can't blame people who are using ChatGPT.
It's not their fault.
Well, whose fault is it?
I'll tell you who.
It's the giant tech companies who took open AI,
packaged it, monetized it, and pushed it out to all of us
as fast as they could in order to get ahead.
Open AI is so powerful that it has to be something
that everyone can use, control, and contribute to.
Or else AI will be controlled by corporations
who just want an unfair advantage like Cartman does.
Hey! Screw you, you dumb Jew!
We don't want big corporations
deciding what's ethical and acceptable for AI.
We were all taken advantage of,
and that's why my girlfriend would totally understand
that I used ChatGPT to respond to her texts.
That's right!
Well, I guess we can let you go now, ma'am.
I will find these tech companies who are trying to use open AI
for their own gains, and I will stop them!
M'kay, kids, I think we can all go home, m'kay?
Everyone was happy,
and Stan's girlfriend completely forgave him.
Thanks for saving me, Stan.
You're welcome, sweetheart.
Class dismissed!
Yay!
Boy, I'm sure glad that's over with.
Yeah, but...
I'm still really not sure what just happened.
Well, now at least we know that sometimes
a good ol' thumbs up from a human
is better than a machine-generated lie.
Yeah. Yeah, you're right, Stan.
I love you.
Dude, how did you pull all that off?
ChatGPT, dude.