1 00:00:11,707 --> 00:00:12,969 * I'm goin' down to South Park * 2 00:00:13,143 --> 00:00:15,144 * Gonna have myself a time * 3 00:00:15,145 --> 00:00:16,756 * Friendly faces everywhere * 4 00:00:16,843 --> 00:00:18,452 * Humble folks without temptation * 5 00:00:18,453 --> 00:00:19,670 * I'm goin' down to South Park * 6 00:00:19,671 --> 00:00:21,412 * Gonna leave my woes behind * 7 00:00:21,673 --> 00:00:23,413 * Ample parking day or night * 8 00:00:23,414 --> 00:00:25,112 * People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" * 9 00:00:25,199 --> 00:00:26,286 * I'm headin' on down to South Park * 10 00:00:26,287 --> 00:00:28,071 * Gonna see if I can't unwind * 11 00:00:31,683 --> 00:00:32,988 * Come on down to South Park * 12 00:00:32,989 --> 00:00:34,599 * And meet some friends of mine * 13 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:51,187 He's gone too far this time, dude. 14 00:00:51,188 --> 00:00:53,580 The stuff he's saying about Jews is out of control. 15 00:00:53,581 --> 00:00:55,104 Bro, you just got to ignore him. 16 00:00:55,105 --> 00:00:56,496 Bro, it's pretty hard to ignore him 17 00:00:56,497 --> 00:00:58,150 when he's saying it all on a podcast. 18 00:00:58,151 --> 00:01:00,631 He actually said that all women are whores, 19 00:01:00,632 --> 00:01:03,069 and the only thing we're good at is murdering babies. 20 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:04,504 Look, guys, just leave it alone. 21 00:01:04,505 --> 00:01:05,855 Don't give him any more attention. 22 00:01:06,029 --> 00:01:07,507 That's easy for you to say, dude. 23 00:01:07,508 --> 00:01:09,335 Yeah, you are one of the multitudes of groups 24 00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:11,295 he's spewing his stupid shit about. 25 00:01:11,512 --> 00:01:13,600 Hey, guys. Who are you talking about? 26 00:01:13,611 --> 00:01:14,620 Clyde. 27 00:01:14,897 --> 00:01:18,040 - Clyde? - Yeah, and his stupid debating podcast. 28 00:01:18,041 --> 00:01:19,303 Hey, here he comes. 29 00:01:20,782 --> 00:01:21,782 Whatever, guys. 30 00:01:21,783 --> 00:01:23,698 Prove me wrong. Prove me wrong. 31 00:01:24,438 --> 00:01:26,222 You don't know a thing about the Jewish people. 32 00:01:26,223 --> 00:01:28,442 Yeah, and shut up about girls' bodies. 33 00:01:28,529 --> 00:01:31,140 Well, that sounds like a very female and Jew thing to say. 34 00:01:31,141 --> 00:01:32,142 If you guys don't like it, 35 00:01:32,403 --> 00:01:33,970 why don't you come debate me on my podcast? 36 00:01:34,187 --> 00:01:36,754 We're not indulging your stupid podcast. 37 00:01:36,755 --> 00:01:38,191 Yeah, screw you, fat ass. 38 00:01:40,106 --> 00:01:41,586 Wha... what? 39 00:01:43,327 --> 00:01:44,805 Now, as your counselor, 40 00:01:44,806 --> 00:01:46,764 I want to try and understand why you're doing 41 00:01:46,765 --> 00:01:48,593 all these bad things you're doing. 42 00:01:49,463 --> 00:01:52,422 The other students are very upset at this podcast. 43 00:01:52,423 --> 00:01:54,380 And what makes you think you got to say 44 00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:55,687 all this stuff, Clyde? 45 00:01:56,122 --> 00:01:57,994 Hey, I'm just trying to make my nut, man. 46 00:02:00,213 --> 00:02:01,431 Y-your nut? 47 00:02:01,432 --> 00:02:03,215 Yeah, you know, kids have it tough these days. 48 00:02:03,216 --> 00:02:06,044 We got Xbox subscriptions, PS5, Steam subscriptions, 49 00:02:06,045 --> 00:02:08,221 Netflix, HBO, you want to order DoorDash. 50 00:02:08,439 --> 00:02:10,006 My nut's about 60 bucks a week. 51 00:02:10,267 --> 00:02:12,094 So you know, as a kid, if you could do a podcast, 52 00:02:12,095 --> 00:02:14,184 say some really divisive shit, then you could make your nut. 53 00:02:16,055 --> 00:02:17,838 Well, Clyde, there's more important things 54 00:02:17,839 --> 00:02:19,319 than a nut, mkay? 55 00:02:20,233 --> 00:02:21,335 Like what? 56 00:02:21,452 --> 00:02:23,541 Well, like being nice, mkay, 57 00:02:24,150 --> 00:02:26,586 making people smile, helping people out. 58 00:02:26,587 --> 00:02:28,796 That's why I became a counselor. 59 00:02:28,807 --> 00:02:30,102 Yes? 60 00:02:30,113 --> 00:02:31,852 Mr. Mackey, I need you to pack your stuff. 61 00:02:31,853 --> 00:02:32,897 You've been fired, bud. 62 00:02:32,898 --> 00:02:34,204 W-what? 63 00:02:34,465 --> 00:02:36,335 Government's doing away with needless spending in schools. 64 00:02:36,336 --> 00:02:38,295 Get your things. Last paycheck's up front. 65 00:02:38,425 --> 00:02:39,687 What are you talking about? 66 00:02:40,210 --> 00:02:41,993 Hey, wait a minute, PC Principal. 67 00:02:41,994 --> 00:02:43,256 Power Christian Principle, yes. 68 00:02:43,604 --> 00:02:45,476 I've worked here for 26 years. 69 00:02:45,650 --> 00:02:47,085 We appreciate your service to this school, 70 00:02:47,086 --> 00:02:49,696 but the government's cutting back on unnecessary expenses. 71 00:02:49,697 --> 00:02:51,786 Well, what's more important than a school counselor? 72 00:02:52,091 --> 00:02:53,614 Schools have one counselor now, 73 00:02:53,832 --> 00:02:55,703 and he is the greatest counselor that ever lived. 74 00:02:56,008 --> 00:02:57,444 Thanks for everything. Now, pack your shit. 75 00:03:02,145 --> 00:03:03,153 But... 76 00:03:03,668 --> 00:03:05,278 what about my nut? 77 00:03:20,250 --> 00:03:21,380 Hello, and welcome 78 00:03:21,381 --> 00:03:24,645 to the "Clyde Donovan Podcast." 79 00:03:26,647 --> 00:03:28,388 Welcome to the Channel of Truth, guys. 80 00:03:28,693 --> 00:03:29,780 You can't trust Jews, 81 00:03:29,781 --> 00:03:30,999 white people are the underprivileged, 82 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:32,348 and women belong at home. 83 00:03:32,349 --> 00:03:33,653 I'd like to welcome our first guest 84 00:03:33,654 --> 00:03:35,178 to the debate, Eric Cartman. 85 00:03:38,659 --> 00:03:40,226 What the hell do you think you're doing, Clyde? 86 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:41,922 We're here speaking the truth about the Jews 87 00:03:41,923 --> 00:03:43,272 and the underprivileged white class... 88 00:03:43,273 --> 00:03:44,403 That's my shtick. 89 00:03:44,404 --> 00:03:46,579 Knock it off, Clyde. You stole my idea. 90 00:03:46,580 --> 00:03:47,929 I don't know about stealing ideas, 91 00:03:48,017 --> 00:03:49,800 but I do know about some amazing supplement powders 92 00:03:49,801 --> 00:03:51,323 - that are an absolute steal... - Supplement powders? 93 00:03:51,324 --> 00:03:52,846 HE-MAN supplement powders can really help you 94 00:03:52,847 --> 00:03:54,935 - bulk up and get... - Are you fucking serious? 95 00:03:54,936 --> 00:03:56,807 People are sponsoring you for ripping me off? 96 00:03:56,808 --> 00:03:58,200 And it's really just the best way to get ripped quick. 97 00:03:58,201 --> 00:03:59,332 So be sure to get some. 98 00:03:59,461 --> 00:04:00,986 And also, be sure to hashtag #RespectClydesAuthority. 99 00:04:02,248 --> 00:04:03,259 What? 100 00:04:05,295 --> 00:04:07,470 So after losing my job, I realized 101 00:04:07,471 --> 00:04:11,040 I really better get a handle on how much I spend a month. 102 00:04:11,344 --> 00:04:12,388 Yes, Mr. Mackey. 103 00:04:12,389 --> 00:04:13,867 Looking over your portfolio here, 104 00:04:13,868 --> 00:04:16,697 it appears you've got about an $8,000 a month nut. 105 00:04:17,220 --> 00:04:19,135 $8,000 a month? 106 00:04:19,613 --> 00:04:21,832 I had no idea my nut was that big. 107 00:04:21,833 --> 00:04:24,095 Now, we could get you a debt consolidation loan, 108 00:04:24,096 --> 00:04:25,444 cancel your streaming services, 109 00:04:25,445 --> 00:04:26,663 downgrade your phone subscription, 110 00:04:26,664 --> 00:04:28,143 do a second mortgage on your house, 111 00:04:28,144 --> 00:04:30,363 and your nut's still $8,000... 112 00:04:31,364 --> 00:04:32,399 a month. 113 00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:34,889 But I don't have anything, mkay? 114 00:04:35,194 --> 00:04:36,325 I can't find a job. 115 00:04:36,326 --> 00:04:38,327 Nobody's hiring counselors anymore. 116 00:04:38,328 --> 00:04:39,677 What am I supposed to do? 117 00:04:39,938 --> 00:04:42,593 Well, there are other career opportunities. 118 00:04:42,767 --> 00:04:43,942 Have you considered... 119 00:04:44,203 --> 00:04:45,944 a job with the I-C-E? 120 00:04:46,945 --> 00:04:49,208 Help your country round up undocumented immigrants. 121 00:04:50,688 --> 00:04:51,721 ICE? 122 00:04:51,732 --> 00:04:52,777 I'm a counselor. 123 00:04:52,951 --> 00:04:54,082 I help people. 124 00:04:54,083 --> 00:04:55,910 I would never work for ICE. 125 00:04:55,921 --> 00:04:57,662 I understand you have to have your principles. 126 00:04:58,478 --> 00:05:00,871 It's just they are offering new recruits 127 00:05:00,872 --> 00:05:02,917 about a $100,000 salary. 128 00:05:05,398 --> 00:05:06,443 Say... say what now? 129 00:05:08,401 --> 00:05:10,229 Are you looking for a new career? 130 00:05:10,708 --> 00:05:12,362 Why not join the I-C-E? 131 00:05:13,014 --> 00:05:14,232 We have jobs available now 132 00:05:14,233 --> 00:05:16,670 with up to a $50,000 signing bonus. 133 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:18,368 Signing bonus? 134 00:05:18,890 --> 00:05:21,196 * We don't ask for experience * 135 00:05:21,197 --> 00:05:22,546 * Just show up * 136 00:05:22,763 --> 00:05:26,419 * We don't care if you've read a book or grown up * 137 00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:29,379 * If you're crazy or fat and lazy * 138 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:31,468 * We don't care at all * 139 00:05:32,164 --> 00:05:34,427 I'm proud to work for the I-C-E. 140 00:05:36,386 --> 00:05:39,214 * Immigration and Customs Enforcement * 141 00:05:39,215 --> 00:05:40,606 * If you need a job * 142 00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:41,956 * It's a job * 143 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:43,720 * To have * 144 00:05:49,094 --> 00:05:52,401 And now, watch as Clyde Donovan totally destroys 145 00:05:52,402 --> 00:05:54,099 these woke liberal students. 146 00:05:54,665 --> 00:05:55,969 Welcome to the channel, guys. 147 00:05:55,970 --> 00:05:57,928 Looks like a lot of whiny babies have a problem 148 00:05:57,929 --> 00:06:00,279 with what I say, so prove me wrong. 149 00:06:00,845 --> 00:06:01,976 Uh, Hey, Clyde. 150 00:06:02,281 --> 00:06:04,543 Um, you said nothing good ever came from the Jews. 151 00:06:04,544 --> 00:06:07,633 But if that's true, why are bagels so yummy? 152 00:06:07,634 --> 00:06:08,853 - Yeah. - Yeah! 153 00:06:09,027 --> 00:06:10,289 Well, you've obviously been taught by the Jews 154 00:06:10,463 --> 00:06:11,898 to have a problem with this school and with America. 155 00:06:11,899 --> 00:06:13,944 So let me ask you this... what is your definition of a woman? 156 00:06:14,518 --> 00:06:16,023 Wait, now, what? 157 00:06:16,034 --> 00:06:17,775 What is a woman? It's a very simple question. 158 00:06:19,124 --> 00:06:21,299 Well, a woman is a lady friend 159 00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:22,996 who, you know, gives you kisses. 160 00:06:22,997 --> 00:06:24,128 You see, you can't answer the question. 161 00:06:24,129 --> 00:06:25,608 But something is male or it is female. 162 00:06:25,609 --> 00:06:27,131 Both science and scripture agree to that. 163 00:06:27,132 --> 00:06:28,698 And that's just the truth. Next. 164 00:06:28,699 --> 00:06:31,527 Another woke student totally destroyed. 165 00:06:31,528 --> 00:06:32,703 Oh, jeez. 166 00:06:33,182 --> 00:06:34,617 Did you call the girls' soccer team 167 00:06:34,618 --> 00:06:36,836 a Marxist indoctrination factory? 168 00:06:36,837 --> 00:06:38,186 That is correct. 169 00:06:38,187 --> 00:06:40,319 We actually beat the boys 4 to 0, you know. 170 00:06:40,493 --> 00:06:42,190 You can whine about American oppression all you want, 171 00:06:42,191 --> 00:06:43,887 but you're using an iPhone made by the free market 172 00:06:43,888 --> 00:06:45,541 to complain about a system that gave it to you. 173 00:06:45,542 --> 00:06:47,195 Girls have it way easy in America, 174 00:06:47,196 --> 00:06:48,675 and that's just the truth. 175 00:06:48,821 --> 00:06:51,025 Woke student totally pwned. 176 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:53,289 Women have it good in America, just like Black people do. 177 00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:54,931 Black people have everything handed to them... 178 00:06:54,942 --> 00:06:55,964 Motherfucker! 179 00:07:01,906 --> 00:07:04,387 I'm sick of people stealing my schtick. 180 00:07:04,561 --> 00:07:07,390 If anyone around here is gonna be a master debater, 181 00:07:07,564 --> 00:07:09,511 it's me. So let's go. 182 00:07:09,522 --> 00:07:11,001 Who wants to debate the master debater? 183 00:07:11,002 --> 00:07:12,133 Let's go. You right there. 184 00:07:13,222 --> 00:07:15,186 That's the stupidest haircut I've ever seen. 185 00:07:15,197 --> 00:07:16,206 You are wrong. 186 00:07:16,217 --> 00:07:18,905 Leviticus 3:17 says it shall be a perpetual statute 187 00:07:18,923 --> 00:07:20,663 for your generations throughout all your dwellings. 188 00:07:20,664 --> 00:07:21,752 So you can shut up, Bebe. 189 00:07:21,763 --> 00:07:23,583 You just hate America and you love abortions. 190 00:07:36,984 --> 00:07:38,290 Mr. Mackey? 191 00:07:38,551 --> 00:07:39,770 Uh, yes, r-right here. 192 00:07:43,984 --> 00:07:45,412 Have a seat, sir. 193 00:07:47,168 --> 00:07:49,606 What makes you want to work for immigration enforcement? 194 00:07:49,860 --> 00:07:51,056 Uh, well, 195 00:07:51,367 --> 00:07:52,936 you see, I got a nut. 196 00:07:53,392 --> 00:07:55,264 All right, you're hired. Take this to the next station 197 00:07:55,394 --> 00:07:57,178 for your physical and orientation video. 198 00:07:58,555 --> 00:07:59,774 Well, th-that's it? 199 00:08:04,925 --> 00:08:07,187 You will now watch an orientation video 200 00:08:07,188 --> 00:08:09,800 featuring the Director of Homeland Security. 201 00:08:15,936 --> 00:08:17,503 Welcome to the team, recruits. 202 00:08:17,634 --> 00:08:20,071 I'm Kristi Noem, Head of Homeland Security. 203 00:08:20,941 --> 00:08:23,248 Oh, she seems nice, mkay? Very pretty. 204 00:08:23,596 --> 00:08:25,771 A few years ago, I had to put my puppy down 205 00:08:25,772 --> 00:08:27,252 by shooting it in the face, 206 00:08:27,383 --> 00:08:29,209 because sometimes doing what's important 207 00:08:29,210 --> 00:08:30,647 means doing what's hard. 208 00:08:34,955 --> 00:08:36,000 Whoa. Whoa. 209 00:08:36,233 --> 00:08:38,350 Now, we'll ask the same determination of you. 210 00:08:40,352 --> 00:08:42,005 Because detaining and questioning people 211 00:08:42,006 --> 00:08:43,137 is never easy. 212 00:08:46,489 --> 00:08:47,837 Oh, God! 213 00:08:47,838 --> 00:08:49,534 As the face of Homeland Security, 214 00:08:49,535 --> 00:08:50,580 I'll be leading the way. 215 00:08:53,757 --> 00:08:55,192 And together, we'll make sure 216 00:08:55,193 --> 00:08:57,326 everyone is in this country legally. 217 00:08:59,458 --> 00:09:01,633 So let's get out there and get 'em, recruits. 218 00:09:01,634 --> 00:09:03,462 Together, we can make it happen. 219 00:09:06,683 --> 00:09:08,379 We hope you enjoyed the presentation. 220 00:09:08,380 --> 00:09:10,774 Please step through to the vehicles for your first raid. 221 00:09:25,005 --> 00:09:27,573 Keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times. 222 00:09:33,274 --> 00:09:34,753 Lock and load, recruits! 223 00:09:34,754 --> 00:09:35,973 Prepare to raid! 224 00:09:38,014 --> 00:09:39,095 Mmm-kay. 225 00:09:42,806 --> 00:09:44,459 Watch as Eric Cartman shuts down 226 00:09:44,460 --> 00:09:45,938 these woke liberal students. 227 00:09:45,939 --> 00:09:46,942 Oh, my God. 228 00:09:46,953 --> 00:09:48,258 What makes you think you have the right 229 00:09:48,464 --> 00:09:50,900 to say what I do with my body? 230 00:09:50,901 --> 00:09:51,921 Let me ask you something. 231 00:09:51,932 --> 00:09:54,023 If a pregnant woman is killed and the baby dies too, 232 00:09:54,034 --> 00:09:55,948 why is the killer charged with a double homicide? 233 00:09:55,949 --> 00:09:58,734 Well, b... because people have different beliefs. 234 00:09:58,735 --> 00:10:00,257 It's not about belief. It's about truth. 235 00:10:00,258 --> 00:10:02,041 Science confirms life begins at conception. 236 00:10:02,042 --> 00:10:03,913 So, yes, Jeremiah 1:5 says, before I formed you 237 00:10:03,914 --> 00:10:06,024 in the womb, I knew you. But it's just morality that demands 238 00:10:06,035 --> 00:10:07,297 we protect the most vulnerable. 239 00:10:07,308 --> 00:10:09,136 So let me ask you... when do you think life begins? 240 00:10:10,573 --> 00:10:12,182 Eric, are you all right in there? 241 00:10:12,183 --> 00:10:14,403 Yeah, I'm fine, Mom. I'm just in here master debating. 242 00:10:15,752 --> 00:10:17,100 Well, Eric, that's enough. 243 00:10:17,101 --> 00:10:18,667 Let's get out of the bathroom. 244 00:10:18,861 --> 00:10:19,977 I can't, Mom. I'm master 245 00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:21,486 debating to these young college girls. 246 00:10:21,497 --> 00:10:23,976 That's very naughty, Eric. Stop it. 247 00:10:23,977 --> 00:10:25,804 Mom, I finally got sponsored by a protein powder, 248 00:10:25,805 --> 00:10:27,677 so I gotta master debate for a couple more hours. 249 00:10:27,748 --> 00:10:29,592 Leviticus 9:1-8. Leave me alone. 250 00:10:36,294 --> 00:10:37,948 All right, recruits. This is it. 251 00:10:38,252 --> 00:10:39,339 We're heading to a location 252 00:10:39,340 --> 00:10:41,212 that might be filled with illegals. 253 00:10:41,386 --> 00:10:43,475 Let's take these bad hombres down. 254 00:10:45,618 --> 00:10:46,627 Backpack. 255 00:10:46,638 --> 00:10:47,683 Backpack. 256 00:10:48,219 --> 00:10:50,221 Backpack. Backpack. 257 00:10:55,313 --> 00:10:56,922 * I'm the map, I'm the map * 258 00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:58,663 * I'm the map, he's the map * 259 00:10:58,664 --> 00:10:59,664 * He's the map, I'm the map * 260 00:10:59,675 --> 00:11:00,691 Freeze! 261 00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:05,664 Oh, God. Mkay. 262 00:11:07,891 --> 00:11:09,370 We're just here for questioning. 263 00:11:09,849 --> 00:11:12,068 Cooperate, and nothing bad... holy shit. 264 00:11:20,338 --> 00:11:21,947 Look, I'm really sorry about this. 265 00:11:21,948 --> 00:11:24,473 It's just, I got a monthly nut, you know? 266 00:11:24,908 --> 00:11:26,344 I gotta make my nut. 267 00:11:29,695 --> 00:11:31,436 You did a good job in there, soldier. 268 00:11:31,915 --> 00:11:33,829 Mkay. Thank you, Captain. 269 00:11:33,830 --> 00:11:35,657 I know it's tough doing what's hard, 270 00:11:35,658 --> 00:11:38,008 but we could use more men like you in the... 271 00:11:39,139 --> 00:11:40,444 Whoa, what the fuck? 272 00:11:40,445 --> 00:11:41,968 Your Botox, Ms. Noem. 273 00:11:42,186 --> 00:11:43,491 Oh, yeah. Fix me up. 274 00:11:43,492 --> 00:11:44,513 Fix me up. 275 00:11:47,724 --> 00:11:49,421 Another day doing what's tough. 276 00:11:55,808 --> 00:11:57,287 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 277 00:11:57,288 --> 00:11:59,768 But a body growing inside a woman's body is not her body. 278 00:11:59,769 --> 00:12:01,161 It's a completely separate fetus... 279 00:12:03,033 --> 00:12:04,382 Eric, what are you doing? 280 00:12:04,861 --> 00:12:06,079 I'm sorry, mom. 281 00:12:06,471 --> 00:12:08,865 You told me to go to sleep, but I started masterdebating again. 282 00:12:09,648 --> 00:12:11,998 This is really getting to be a problem, Eric. 283 00:12:12,129 --> 00:12:13,180 Mom, you don't understand. 284 00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:14,539 I'm getting really good at this. 285 00:12:14,550 --> 00:12:16,045 I have my arguments down rock solid. 286 00:12:16,046 --> 00:12:17,699 These young college girls are totally unprepared, 287 00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:20,005 so I can just destroy them and also edit out all the ones 288 00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:21,268 that actually argue back well. 289 00:12:21,355 --> 00:12:22,834 It just feels so good. 290 00:12:22,835 --> 00:12:24,401 I understand it feels good, 291 00:12:24,402 --> 00:12:26,926 but that doesn't mean you do it all the time. 292 00:12:27,274 --> 00:12:28,449 I'm sorry, Mommy. 293 00:12:28,580 --> 00:12:30,755 Put the computer away and leave those poor 294 00:12:30,756 --> 00:12:32,322 college girls alone. 295 00:12:32,323 --> 00:12:33,324 Okay. 296 00:12:33,454 --> 00:12:34,934 I won't master debate anymore tonight. 297 00:12:36,849 --> 00:12:38,415 Look, look, you can call it reproductive rights. 298 00:12:38,416 --> 00:12:39,852 But be honest, if a baby could speak, 299 00:12:39,939 --> 00:12:41,303 it would fight for its right to live. 300 00:12:41,314 --> 00:12:43,214 - Eric Cartman! - I'm sorry, Mom! 301 00:12:45,597 --> 00:12:48,425 Tom, another protest today, as thousands turned out 302 00:12:48,426 --> 00:12:50,949 in downtown Denver to voice their outrage 303 00:12:50,950 --> 00:12:52,386 against the I-C-E. 304 00:12:52,735 --> 00:12:54,780 This is just out of control. 305 00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:57,086 A lot of the people being targeted in these raids 306 00:12:57,087 --> 00:13:00,263 are kind, hard-working, deeply faithful people 307 00:13:00,264 --> 00:13:01,874 who care for their families. 308 00:13:02,092 --> 00:13:06,269 I have no doubt that there are many, many Latinos in heaven. 309 00:13:21,770 --> 00:13:23,293 Oh, this is bad. 310 00:13:23,558 --> 00:13:24,613 Mkay? 311 00:13:35,038 --> 00:13:37,169 Remember, only detain the brown ones. 312 00:13:37,170 --> 00:13:38,823 If it's brown, it goes down. 313 00:13:38,824 --> 00:13:39,869 Jesus, look out! 314 00:13:49,618 --> 00:13:51,096 There's another one flying over here. 315 00:13:51,097 --> 00:13:52,185 Catch him! Catch him! 316 00:13:54,884 --> 00:13:56,449 I just need to ask you some questions, 317 00:13:56,450 --> 00:13:58,061 mkay, make sure you're legal. 318 00:13:58,452 --> 00:14:00,237 How did you get into heaven? 319 00:14:00,541 --> 00:14:02,847 Um, I was really nice to people, 320 00:14:02,848 --> 00:14:04,849 and I helped various charities. 321 00:14:04,850 --> 00:14:06,416 Look, I'm really sorry about this, 322 00:14:06,417 --> 00:14:08,288 but I'm just trying to make my nut. 323 00:14:08,724 --> 00:14:09,986 Mackey, I need a word. 324 00:14:11,770 --> 00:14:12,815 Yes, Captain? 325 00:14:13,250 --> 00:14:15,120 You did another great job out there, Mackey. 326 00:14:15,121 --> 00:14:16,296 I like your style. 327 00:14:16,993 --> 00:14:18,342 Oh. Thank you. 328 00:14:18,516 --> 00:14:19,821 The President's handing out bonuses 329 00:14:19,822 --> 00:14:20,996 to recruits that stand out. 330 00:14:20,997 --> 00:14:22,345 And I'm going to recommend you 331 00:14:22,346 --> 00:14:23,762 for the next set of bonuses that... 332 00:14:24,348 --> 00:14:25,496 Ah! 333 00:14:26,263 --> 00:14:27,266 Grab it! 334 00:14:30,538 --> 00:14:32,105 No more brownies in heaven. 335 00:14:35,098 --> 00:14:37,229 Hello and welcome to the third annual 336 00:14:37,230 --> 00:14:40,146 Charlie Kirk Award for Young Masterdebaters. 337 00:14:42,453 --> 00:14:44,019 More and more young people today 338 00:14:44,020 --> 00:14:45,847 are learning to fight for America 339 00:14:45,848 --> 00:14:47,284 through masterdebation. 340 00:14:47,501 --> 00:14:50,940 We're here to honor the recent efforts of a brave young man 341 00:14:51,331 --> 00:14:53,332 who has been furiously masterdebating 342 00:14:53,333 --> 00:14:55,770 for the past several days and has won himself 343 00:14:55,771 --> 00:14:59,904 not only this trophy, but also an all expenses paid vacation 344 00:14:59,905 --> 00:15:02,037 to a beautiful five-star resort. 345 00:15:06,042 --> 00:15:08,522 He has proven himself the true champion. 346 00:15:08,958 --> 00:15:10,959 Please welcome the best young masterdebater 347 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,397 of our time, Clyde Donovan. 348 00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:15,493 Clyde? 349 00:15:19,561 --> 00:15:21,562 No! That's my trip to a five-star resort! 350 00:15:21,666 --> 00:15:23,146 Come on, Eric. Let's go. 351 00:15:24,495 --> 00:15:25,741 Thanks, everyone. 352 00:15:25,844 --> 00:15:27,845 The Civil Rights Act was a huge mistake. 353 00:15:27,846 --> 00:15:30,718 And, I don't know, lesbians are an abomination of God. 354 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,460 You all stole my schtick! 355 00:15:34,287 --> 00:15:35,680 Clyde! 356 00:15:42,034 --> 00:15:43,068 Okay. 357 00:15:43,079 --> 00:15:44,819 We got some of your pay stubs in. 358 00:15:44,820 --> 00:15:46,560 Let's see how that nut's looking. 359 00:15:49,825 --> 00:15:51,347 Well, seems you got some bonuses 360 00:15:51,348 --> 00:15:53,001 for rounding up the most Mexicans. 361 00:15:53,002 --> 00:15:54,177 Shh. 362 00:15:54,394 --> 00:15:56,657 We don't round up Mexicans, okay? 363 00:15:56,788 --> 00:15:59,748 We just detain foreigners who might be illegal. 364 00:15:59,835 --> 00:16:00,868 Okay. 365 00:16:01,793 --> 00:16:03,576 Well, after taxes and with your bonuses, 366 00:16:03,577 --> 00:16:06,276 it looks like you've got about $10 grand a month to spend. 367 00:16:06,842 --> 00:16:08,930 - Oh, I do? - Yes. 368 00:16:08,931 --> 00:16:11,455 And your nut's up to about $12 grand a month. 369 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:12,804 What? 370 00:16:12,935 --> 00:16:15,285 But my nut was only $8 grand a week ago. 371 00:16:15,502 --> 00:16:17,591 Right. But you got a good-paying job. 372 00:16:17,766 --> 00:16:19,331 You see, as you make more money, 373 00:16:19,332 --> 00:16:21,334 your nut actually gets bigger. 374 00:16:21,987 --> 00:16:24,032 - How is that possible? - It's all right. 375 00:16:24,043 --> 00:16:25,599 If you can just get a few more bonuses, 376 00:16:25,754 --> 00:16:27,494 we can refinance the house, divide that 377 00:16:27,505 --> 00:16:29,549 by the number of Mexicans you detained, and, of course, 378 00:16:29,593 --> 00:16:32,073 compound any Costa Ricans you might incur to the... 379 00:16:32,084 --> 00:16:33,765 Freeze! 380 00:16:33,775 --> 00:16:35,050 Nobody move! 381 00:16:37,307 --> 00:16:38,395 Here he is over here. 382 00:16:39,091 --> 00:16:41,050 Come on, Mackey. Need to talk to you outside. 383 00:16:41,398 --> 00:16:43,052 Talk to me? About what? 384 00:16:44,009 --> 00:16:45,228 What's this all about? 385 00:16:45,532 --> 00:16:47,229 Congratulations, recruit. 386 00:16:47,230 --> 00:16:49,579 I talked to the president about your accomplishments, 387 00:16:49,580 --> 00:16:51,669 and he says he wants to help you with your nut. 388 00:16:52,061 --> 00:16:53,155 Really? 389 00:16:53,165 --> 00:16:54,976 - He does? - That's right. 390 00:16:54,977 --> 00:16:57,021 We have orders to get you on a plane. 391 00:16:57,022 --> 00:16:59,024 The President wants to thank you personally. 392 00:16:59,329 --> 00:17:00,547 Congratulations. 393 00:17:00,634 --> 00:17:02,723 He's invited you to Mar-a-Lago. 394 00:17:03,507 --> 00:17:05,074 Mar-a-Lago? 395 00:17:20,731 --> 00:17:22,297 Oh, wow. 396 00:17:35,887 --> 00:17:37,497 Relax! Take a load off! 397 00:17:38,150 --> 00:17:39,281 Boss, the plane is here 398 00:17:39,282 --> 00:17:41,545 from Immigration and Customs Enforcement. 399 00:17:41,675 --> 00:17:42,981 I know, stupid. Let's go. 400 00:17:55,651 --> 00:17:56,776 Hey, buddy. 401 00:17:56,777 --> 00:17:58,605 Welcome to Mar-a-Lago. 402 00:17:59,418 --> 00:18:01,594 Oh, thank you, Mr. President. 403 00:18:02,518 --> 00:18:03,954 What is his fantasy, boss? 404 00:18:04,742 --> 00:18:05,961 Will you get out of here? 405 00:18:07,788 --> 00:18:09,224 Listen, buddy, I want to offer you 406 00:18:09,225 --> 00:18:10,617 an incredible opportunity. 407 00:18:11,053 --> 00:18:12,401 How would you like to make more money 408 00:18:12,402 --> 00:18:14,056 than you ever thought possible? 409 00:18:14,382 --> 00:18:17,298 Well, I do have a pretty huge nut. 410 00:18:17,494 --> 00:18:19,322 Now, that's the kind of talk I like. 411 00:18:19,573 --> 00:18:21,531 Mar-a-Lago's for everyone that's got a nut. 412 00:18:24,196 --> 00:18:25,589 I'm giving you a promotion. 413 00:18:26,111 --> 00:18:28,897 You'll have access to all that Mar-a-Lago has to offer. 414 00:18:29,288 --> 00:18:32,291 I want to make you the new face of Homeland Security. 415 00:18:33,075 --> 00:18:35,511 But, Mr. President, I thought Kristi Noem 416 00:18:35,512 --> 00:18:37,208 was the head of Homeland Security. 417 00:18:37,209 --> 00:18:39,515 Well, she was, but her face freaks me out. 418 00:18:39,516 --> 00:18:40,560 So what do you say? 419 00:18:41,039 --> 00:18:43,954 Well, I do need a high-paying job. 420 00:18:44,207 --> 00:18:45,212 Excellent. 421 00:18:45,223 --> 00:18:46,964 Now, let's take care of that nut for you. 422 00:18:48,900 --> 00:18:50,423 Hey, Satan. 423 00:18:50,714 --> 00:18:52,498 Meet the new face of Homeland Security. 424 00:18:52,746 --> 00:18:54,791 Whoa! Oh, my God. 425 00:18:54,792 --> 00:18:55,879 I just want to go. 426 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:57,185 This place is gross. 427 00:18:57,186 --> 00:18:59,100 Would you like me to apply the baby oil 428 00:18:59,101 --> 00:19:00,885 to Satan's asshole, boss? 429 00:19:01,196 --> 00:19:04,155 Okay, look, I think there's been a misunderstanding. 430 00:19:04,584 --> 00:19:06,978 I'm going to take a little break here. 431 00:19:07,283 --> 00:19:08,457 Hey, come on. 432 00:19:08,458 --> 00:19:09,589 Relax, guy. 433 00:19:15,334 --> 00:19:16,814 Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry. 434 00:19:19,556 --> 00:19:22,166 Backpack, backpack. 435 00:19:22,167 --> 00:19:23,689 Oh, God, Dora the Explorer. 436 00:19:23,690 --> 00:19:24,707 Excuse me. 437 00:19:31,394 --> 00:19:33,091 Clyde? 438 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:35,449 Not right now, sir. 439 00:19:35,460 --> 00:19:36,705 I've kind of had enough. 440 00:19:37,487 --> 00:19:40,925 What are you doing here... young man? 441 00:19:41,404 --> 00:19:42,840 Just trying to make my nut, sir. 442 00:19:43,145 --> 00:19:44,363 Didn't really want all this. 443 00:19:45,974 --> 00:19:48,977 Oh, well, young man... 444 00:19:56,114 --> 00:19:58,725 I kind of know what you're going through, mkay? 445 00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:02,641 I know we all have a lot of pressures 446 00:20:02,642 --> 00:20:06,081 and we all want nice things, mkay, but... 447 00:20:07,169 --> 00:20:09,998 but if you're doing something you don't really believe in 448 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:12,217 just to make your nut, 449 00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:15,873 you're going to find that you just get sadder 450 00:20:16,134 --> 00:20:18,180 and your nut just gets bigger. 451 00:20:19,050 --> 00:20:20,202 Mkay? 452 00:20:22,010 --> 00:20:23,043 Yeah. 453 00:20:23,054 --> 00:20:24,475 I guess you're right. 454 00:20:25,404 --> 00:20:28,016 But... who are you? 455 00:20:33,549 --> 00:20:35,289 I'm a goddamn counselor. 456 00:20:35,439 --> 00:20:36,614 That's what I am. 457 00:20:37,329 --> 00:20:39,375 This place isn't right for either of us. 458 00:20:39,723 --> 00:20:41,986 There's got to be someone that can help get us out. 459 00:20:55,782 --> 00:20:56,870 All right. Got him. 460 00:20:58,089 --> 00:21:00,048 Hey, Kristi, what's going on? 461 00:21:00,657 --> 00:21:01,918 Trying to replace me 462 00:21:01,919 --> 00:21:04,008 as the face of Homeland Security, huh? 463 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:05,879 Hey, relax, guy. 464 00:21:06,054 --> 00:21:07,881 Who could replace a face like that? 465 00:21:08,056 --> 00:21:09,839 Think I can't handle myself 'cause I'm a lady 466 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:11,972 with good looks that drive men wild? 467 00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:30,078 Come on. We're getting out of here. 468 00:21:30,861 --> 00:21:32,123 You too, come on. 469 00:21:35,344 --> 00:21:36,693 We got it. We got it. 470 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:43,134 Another job well done. 471 00:21:43,656 --> 00:21:48,400 * Loo loo loo, loo loo loo loo loo * 472 00:21:48,411 --> 00:21:51,458 * Loo loo loo, loo loo loo * 473 00:22:21,130 --> 00:22:24,630 - Synced and corrected by naFraC - - www.addic7ed.com -