1 00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:06,464 * The Simpsons * 2 00:00:09,592 --> 00:00:11,136 D’oh! 3 00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:16,725 - Huh? - Huh? 4 00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:28,820 Lemonade! 5 00:00:28,903 --> 00:00:31,031 Sweet sunshine in your mouth! 6 00:00:31,114 --> 00:00:32,699 Buy a cup, or I punch my sister! 7 00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:35,201 It’s true! He’s not bluffing! 8 00:00:37,495 --> 00:00:38,913 Ow. 9 00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:40,665 Maybe we should put a dollar in the jar, 10 00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:41,916 prime the pump. 11 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,043 What are we, a piano bar? 12 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,799 I’ll take 15 lemonades. 13 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,468 Make that 16. 14 00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:52,551 Huh?! 15 00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:54,095 Lousy dog. 16 00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:56,431 If you had your way, I’d walk you every day. 17 00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:58,724 Lemonade! 18 00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:02,729 Stop pushing! 19 00:01:02,812 --> 00:01:04,105 Six cups, please. 20 00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:05,690 And put it on my tab. 21 00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:06,634 Keep moving, deadbeat. 22 00:01:06,649 --> 00:01:07,635 Cash only. 23 00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:08,777 Fine. 24 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:09,679 Lemonade’s for babies anyways. 25 00:01:09,694 --> 00:01:11,571 I’m going to Moe’s, for beer! 26 00:01:11,654 --> 00:01:14,074 Have fun drinking your lemonade, babies! 27 00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:22,499 Lisa, can Daddy borrow your bike? 28 00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:23,833 I guess. 29 00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:32,675 Oh…! 30 00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:46,106 Hey, Moe, give me a… 31 00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:47,607 Homer, shush! 32 00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:49,818 We’re watching Krabappel try to break up with Skinner. 33 00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:52,112 Seymour, I have something difficult 34 00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:53,181 I want to say to you. 35 00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:54,948 I understand. 36 00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:58,618 It can be very difficult for a woman to propose marriage. 37 00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:00,537 But I am willing to go halvsies on a ring. 38 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:01,621 Seymour… 39 00:02:02,705 --> 00:02:03,691 Excuse me. 40 00:02:03,706 --> 00:02:05,875 Any of you lugs 41 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,544 want to break up with my boyfriend for me? 42 00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:08,670 I’ll buy you a beer. 43 00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:10,588 Seymour, Edna asked me to talk to you. 44 00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:11,965 Splendid! 45 00:02:12,048 --> 00:02:14,134 Shall we discuss music or the weather? 46 00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:16,010 No, this is about you. 47 00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:17,554 Edna wants to break up. 48 00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:19,430 She wants to break up? 49 00:02:19,514 --> 00:02:20,932 - Yeah. - With me? 50 00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:22,015 Yeah. 51 00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:26,479 Look at it this way: you’re a free man. 52 00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:27,563 Unlike me. 53 00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:29,232 You have all your hair. 54 00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:30,316 Unlike me. 55 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,943 No kids tying you down 56 00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:35,155 or a crippling mortgage that you refinanced at 26% 57 00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:38,324 because a dancing Internet cowboy told you to. 58 00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:41,077 Oh, God, I hate my life. 59 00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:46,666 Gee, compared to you, my life is one big half-day. 60 00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:48,001 Exactly. 61 00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:50,670 You’re good looking, you have a decent job. 62 00:02:50,753 --> 00:02:54,090 What lonely widow wouldn’t consider you an option? 63 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,174 Thanks, Homer. 64 00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:56,885 I don’t think the school pep squad 65 00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:58,011 could’ve cheered me up more, 66 00:02:58,094 --> 00:03:00,221 and they were state runners up in 1997. 67 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,017 Homer, that was amazing. 68 00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,602 He actually felt better coming out of 69 00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:06,978 the breakup than he did going in. 70 00:03:07,061 --> 00:03:08,688 Say, Homer, you’re real good at this. 71 00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:10,190 Think you could dump my girlfriend Doreen for me? 72 00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:11,524 Doreen. 73 00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:12,775 She’s cheated on you with everyone. 74 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:13,860 Well, except for me. 75 00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:15,737 And I’ve showered her with gifts… 76 00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:19,324 fancy soaps and massage oils and, uh, what have you. 77 00:03:19,407 --> 00:03:20,575 Ooh, here she comes. 78 00:03:20,658 --> 00:03:21,743 Work your magic, Homer. 79 00:03:23,077 --> 00:03:24,412 Is Lenny here? 80 00:03:24,495 --> 00:03:26,080 Oh, I’m afraid Lenny’s dead. 81 00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:27,248 What? 82 00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:29,042 I just talked to him. 83 00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:31,628 And you will again, because he isn’t really dead. 84 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:35,006 And now this next piece of news won’t seem so bad. 85 00:03:35,089 --> 00:03:36,089 Lemonade! 86 00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:37,132 We want lemonade! 87 00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:38,343 Don’t worry, folks. 88 00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:40,094 Our master chef is stirring up a fresh batch. 89 00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:47,518 Stop that transaction! 90 00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,062 I’m a part-time field agent 91 00:03:49,145 --> 00:03:50,355 with the Springfield Department of Commerce. 92 00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:51,424 Great gig. 93 00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:53,524 It is a great gig. 94 00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:54,608 May I see your vendor’s license? 95 00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:55,985 Um, I think it’s… 96 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,069 We don’t have one. 97 00:03:58,613 --> 00:04:00,281 35 cents? 98 00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:01,699 Where did that come from? 99 00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:02,992 Can’t be mine. 100 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,369 Must be yours. 101 00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:06,454 I don’t care if it’s 45 cents, 102 00:04:06,537 --> 00:04:07,872 I don’t want it. 103 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,249 Submit this form to the License Bureau. 104 00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:10,541 Until then, this stand is closed. 105 00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,293 til then, this stand is closed. Boys. 106 00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:17,715 Geez, I’m thirsty. 107 00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:18,799 You got any lemonade? 108 00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:20,510 Not anymore! 109 00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:21,593 …lemonade. 110 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:27,976 Come on already. 111 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,477 Come on, come on. 112 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:30,937 I was halfway through an operation 113 00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:32,146 when my license expired. 114 00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:33,606 I’ll get to you, 115 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,608 just as soon as I finish this crossword puzzle. 116 00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,026 Ah, no, come on. 117 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,152 Let’s go, buddy. 118 00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:40,238 I left bananas in my car. 119 00:04:40,321 --> 00:04:42,532 Let’s see, uh, ten across: 120 00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:44,659 "Franklin Roosevelt’s middle name." 121 00:04:44,742 --> 00:04:45,952 Excitement. 122 00:04:46,035 --> 00:04:47,078 Oh, wait, that don’t fit. 123 00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:50,581 Maybe you could use some help. 124 00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:56,087 "FDR’s middle name": "Delano." 125 00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:58,089 "Oxidized surface": Well, that’s "rusty." 126 00:04:58,172 --> 00:04:59,465 "Bartenders serve them ’dirty.’" 127 00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:00,535 Ham sandwiches! 128 00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:01,801 No, "martinis." 129 00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:03,094 Oh, right. 130 00:05:03,177 --> 00:05:05,096 One more word! "Singer of Yentl," 13 letters. 131 00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:06,179 Um… 132 00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:09,851 I got it! 133 00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:11,853 "Isaac Bashevis!" 134 00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:13,396 Now, give me my license! 135 00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:14,939 Give everyone their license! 136 00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:18,943 Whoo, what is a four-letter word for "hero"? 137 00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:20,153 "Hero." 138 00:05:20,236 --> 00:05:21,821 Yes, but I meant "Lisa." 139 00:05:21,904 --> 00:05:24,449 Lisa! Lisa! Lisa! 140 00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:27,869 - Y’ello. - Homer? 141 00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:29,245 It’s your old roommate, Grady. 142 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,329 The gay guy? 143 00:05:30,371 --> 00:05:31,748 That’s not all I am! 144 00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:33,624 Well, it’s a lot of what I am. 145 00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:36,711 Any-hoo, I heard how good you are at breaking up couples. 146 00:05:36,794 --> 00:05:38,713 I need your help to break up with Julio, 147 00:05:38,796 --> 00:05:40,340 ’cause I met someone new, 148 00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:43,509 someone much more cool and refreshing. 149 00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:45,720 Uh-huh, got it. 150 00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:46,804 Marge, 151 00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:48,806 I’m going to a hardcore gay club, 152 00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:50,725 and I won’t be home till 3:00 in the morning! 153 00:05:50,808 --> 00:05:52,602 Have fun! 154 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,316 Ay carumba! 155 00:05:58,399 --> 00:06:01,319 Bart, I’ve fallen in love with crosswords. 156 00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:03,654 It finally happened. 157 00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:04,682 You’ve gone completely fruit loops. 158 00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:06,491 "Fruit Loops." 159 00:06:06,574 --> 00:06:09,243 That’s the answer to 38 down: "Toucan’s delight." 160 00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:10,870 No, I mean you’re loco in the coco. 161 00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:12,872 "Cocoa": "Ice rink drink." 162 00:06:12,955 --> 00:06:14,707 - You’re losing it! - "Losin’ It": 163 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:15,958 "Risque ’80s teen flick." 164 00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,002 Fine, go nuts, see if I care. 165 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,213 "Eye care": "Optician’s concern." 166 00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:22,173 Oh, thanks for your help, Bart. 167 00:06:22,256 --> 00:06:25,259 "Bart": "San Francisco people mover." 168 00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,345 Speaking of San Francisco people mover… 169 00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:34,685 Grady is breaking up with me?! 170 00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:37,980 You’ll always have a special place in his heart! 171 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,064 In his what? 172 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:43,903 Aw. 173 00:06:43,986 --> 00:06:46,197 Oh, baby, you are the breakup king. 174 00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:48,408 You-You have made the seven minutes 175 00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,952 that I’m gonna go without love so much more bearable. 176 00:06:51,035 --> 00:06:54,455 Anyone else want me to get rid of that special someone? 177 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:57,208 Okay, everyone, rotate one to your right. 178 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:07,468 Guess what, Mom. I’m a cruciverbalist. 179 00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:09,095 Another religion? 180 00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:11,472 You know, you’re just gonna drop the whole thing 181 00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:14,308 when you go to college and get a Jewish boyfriend. 182 00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:18,104 Probably. But a cruciverbalist is a fan of crossword puzzles, 183 00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:19,355 which I am! 184 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:20,940 Me, too! 185 00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:23,276 I been doing them since 1958. 186 00:07:23,359 --> 00:07:26,320 Back then, we called them Alphabet Hotels, 187 00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:28,990 ’cause every letter gets its own little room. 188 00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:34,245 I still do the Springfield Shopper puzzle every day. 189 00:07:34,328 --> 00:07:35,913 Uh-huh, let’s see there. 190 00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:38,583 Grampa, everyone knows that the only real test of skill 191 00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:40,042 is the New York Times puzzle, 192 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,502 edited by Will Shortz. 193 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,838 "Will" and "shorts"… 194 00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:46,924 two things I’m no longer allowed to change by myself. 195 00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:55,641 Okay, back to the real world. 196 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:12,992 Isn’t it beautiful?! 197 00:08:13,075 --> 00:08:14,327 Sure is. 198 00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:15,495 Who’s driving the bus? 199 00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:16,578 What bus? 200 00:08:18,372 --> 00:08:20,333 Sweet Conclusions Breakup Service. 201 00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:24,045 Oh, yes, we dispose of your loved one humanely, 202 00:08:24,128 --> 00:08:26,589 thanks to our patented TenderDump System. 203 00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:29,425 I’ll be there in 30 minutes, 204 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:32,220 or your breakup is free…! 205 00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:39,352 * I’m leaving you, baby * 206 00:08:39,435 --> 00:08:41,229 * With my clothes in my hand * 207 00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:44,106 * Farewell to you, baby * 208 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,567 * Get yourself a monkey man * 209 00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:49,904 * I’m leaving * 210 00:08:49,987 --> 00:08:51,614 * With my clothes in my hand * 211 00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:58,579 * Farewell to you * 212 00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:02,500 * Get yourself a monkey man. * 213 00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:13,010 Simpson! 214 00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:15,429 What in the blue blazes are you doing 215 00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:17,181 to my hopscotching grids? 216 00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:19,433 I-I made them into a crossword. 217 00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:20,685 Oh. 218 00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:23,312 Well, I’m a bit of a puzzle head myself. 219 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:26,649 They, uh, help me wind down after a day of dealing with 220 00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:27,817 Skinner! 221 00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:28,901 You called? 222 00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:29,971 Made reference. 223 00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:31,070 My mistake. 224 00:09:31,153 --> 00:09:34,365 Lisa, I think you might be ready for this. 225 00:09:34,448 --> 00:09:36,367 "Bald Man’s Basketball League"? 226 00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:38,619 Hmm? Sorry, wrong flier. 227 00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:39,787 I meant this. 228 00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:41,831 "Citywide Crossword Tournament"? 229 00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:43,499 Oh, thank you! 230 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:44,583 Ah, you’re welcome. 231 00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:45,918 Now, uh, I have to go home 232 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:48,129 and make sure my pool boy is using his 233 00:09:48,212 --> 00:09:49,547 skimmer! 234 00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:50,630 You called? 235 00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:51,659 You misheard. 236 00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:52,800 My mistake. 237 00:09:54,802 --> 00:09:57,013 Marge, if I had a hundred dollars 238 00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:58,598 for every customer I’d broken up, 239 00:09:58,681 --> 00:09:59,974 I’d have exactly this amount. 240 00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:01,142 ’Cause that’s what I charge. 241 00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:06,147 Homie, I’m not sure about this new business of yours. 242 00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:08,733 You’re making it too easy for couples to break up 243 00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:10,318 just because they hit a rough patch. 244 00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:12,320 I know this is hard on you. 245 00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:14,780 But in time, you’ll come to see it’s for the best. 246 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:17,074 That’s one of your breakup lines! 247 00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:20,494 What would have happened if there was someone 248 00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:24,248 who could break us up every time I had my doubts about you? 249 00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:41,515 Who are you? 250 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:43,100 We are the spirits 251 00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:45,436 of the relationships you killed. 252 00:10:50,274 --> 00:10:52,693 We’re the babies those couples would have had. 253 00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:55,446 And we’re the antiques 254 00:10:55,529 --> 00:10:56,989 those couples would have bought together. 255 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,037 Get him, chairs and babies! 256 00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:09,502 Homie? 257 00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:11,295 Marge, I’m getting out of the breakup business. 258 00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:13,673 And I don’t know if I’ll ever sleep soundly again! 259 00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:14,756 Well, maybe… 260 00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:29,647 Wow, so this is what this is. 261 00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:32,566 Cruciverbalists from far and wide have gathered here 262 00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:35,361 for a no-holds-barred test of skill. 263 00:11:35,444 --> 00:11:37,238 Surely some holds are barred. 264 00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:38,364 No, none. 265 00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:40,866 Well, it sounds really exciting, 266 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,077 and you’re a delightful young lady. 267 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,204 Now if you’ll excuse me. 268 00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:49,750 Hey, what’s going on? 269 00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:52,336 It’s kind of a secret, so shut the door most of the way. 270 00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:58,676 We found a way to make this tournament interesting. 271 00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:01,095 We bet on the matches. 272 00:12:01,178 --> 00:12:02,304 Really? 273 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,515 Well, I did bring this envelope full of money. 274 00:12:04,598 --> 00:12:07,643 And these days, betting in a bar is safer than any stock, 275 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,687 bond or real estate investment. 276 00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:11,522 Agreed. So, who are you gonna bet on? 277 00:12:11,605 --> 00:12:14,775 I want you to put it all on my little girl. 278 00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,527 And parlay with the Asian kid. 279 00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:17,610 He has a name, you know. 280 00:12:17,653 --> 00:12:19,029 What is it? 281 00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:20,156 I don’t know. He’s not my kid. 282 00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:24,535 I win! 283 00:12:24,618 --> 00:12:25,745 She won! 284 00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:27,121 And like any prudent gambler, 285 00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:29,707 I know when to walk away: never! 286 00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:34,253 * Yo, pretty ladies around the world * 287 00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:36,297 * Gotta a weird thing to show you * 288 00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:38,382 * So tell all the boys and girls * 289 00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:42,303 * Tell your brother, your sister and your mama, too * 290 00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:44,180 * ’Cause they’re about to throw down * 291 00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:46,932 * And you know just what to do * 292 00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:51,145 * Wave your hands in the air like you don’t care * 293 00:12:51,228 --> 00:12:54,732 * Glide by the people as they stop to look and stare * 294 00:12:54,815 --> 00:12:59,069 * Do your dance, do your dance, do your dance quick, mama * 295 00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:03,532 * Come on, baby, tell me what’s the word * 296 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:06,911 * Word up, everybody say * 297 00:13:06,994 --> 00:13:10,873 * When you hear the call, you’ve got to get it underway * 298 00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:12,208 * Word up. * 299 00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:13,417 Okay, everybody, 300 00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:15,002 take a break. 301 00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:18,255 Dad, I could actually win this thing! 302 00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,841 And when you win, I win. 303 00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:25,012 I’ll explain that to you on your deathbed. 304 00:13:25,095 --> 00:13:27,932 My only fear is I always sabotage myself 305 00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:29,642 when I’m on the verge of happiness. 306 00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:31,018 - You what? - In my young life, 307 00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:32,770 I’ve seen that every time 308 00:13:32,853 --> 00:13:34,563 I’m about to achieve true happiness, 309 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:38,234 some little piece of me says, "You don’t deserve this." 310 00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:40,444 And another little piece says, "I agree." 311 00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:41,695 Right, right. 312 00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:42,822 But will it happen this time? 313 00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:45,324 With my luck, I bet it will. 314 00:13:45,407 --> 00:13:46,867 It’s practically a sure thing. 315 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,580 Contestants to your boards. 316 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:52,650 Wish me luck. 317 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:53,916 Just be yourself. 318 00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:57,002 I want to change my bet. 319 00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:59,046 I’m going against my daughter. 320 00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:00,881 I’ll take your money, 321 00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:03,342 but I won’t look you in the eye. 322 00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:05,761 Fine. I won’t look you in the eye. 323 00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:11,934 Have I made the bet yet? 324 00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:13,227 I got it. 325 00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:15,688 We’re down to our final two contestants. 326 00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:18,190 But before they compete, we would like to pay tribute 327 00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:20,526 to all the words that have been removed from the dictionary 328 00:14:20,609 --> 00:14:21,902 in the past year. 329 00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:42,464 You know, my wife Shirley, 330 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,925 she’s the real crossword ace in our family. 331 00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:47,261 Fills in those letters fast as hail on a tin roof: 332 00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:49,722 ping-ping-ping, she’s done. 333 00:14:49,805 --> 00:14:52,349 Ah, Shirley passed away two years ago, 334 00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:53,767 but I’m still not over it. 335 00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:55,644 Aw, that’s so sad. 336 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:56,937 Hey, what can you do? 337 00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:58,230 Life keeps changing the music, 338 00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,274 but you gotta keep up the cha-cha-cha, huh? 339 00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:09,867 Let’s see, I’ll spread some Qs around. 340 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:11,994 That’ll get my brain going. 341 00:15:14,496 --> 00:15:16,290 Oh, I dropped my glasses. 342 00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:19,126 Oh, Shirley, baby, I let you down. 343 00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:27,134 Hey, there are no lenses in these glasses. 344 00:15:27,217 --> 00:15:28,552 Let’s see, that’s "Enrico Fermi", 345 00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:29,970 and there you’ve got the "Pet Shop Boys," 346 00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:32,681 and cross the T and zing the Z and skit-skat skoodily 347 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:33,765 I’m all the way home. 348 00:15:36,685 --> 00:15:38,437 Lisa got hustled. 349 00:15:39,563 --> 00:15:42,483 Oh, I blew it again. 350 00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:44,568 She blew it again. Whoo-hoo! 351 00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:45,903 Here’s your money… 352 00:15:45,986 --> 00:15:47,821 drenched in your daughter’s tears. 353 00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:49,156 You know, for a bartender-bookie, 354 00:15:49,239 --> 00:15:50,908 you’re awfully judgmental. 355 00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:59,875 Boy, Dad seems awfully happy. 356 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,169 And there’s something different about him. 357 00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:07,675 He bought new shoelaces with fancy metal tips. 358 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,305 Dad, did you come into some money 359 00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:14,389 we don’t know about? 360 00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:16,642 No. 361 00:16:16,725 --> 00:16:17,935 You got highlights in your hair! 362 00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:21,230 Uh… the sun did that. 363 00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:24,316 And your car antenna has been straightened and re-balled. 364 00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:26,652 What’s going on? 365 00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:31,448 Well, sweetie, Daddy made a little extra money 366 00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,784 betting against you in the crossword tournament. 367 00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:35,452 You’ll understand when you’re a parent 368 00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:37,830 placing large wagers against your own children. 369 00:16:37,913 --> 00:16:39,665 I hope you’re not mad. 370 00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:44,003 No, I’m not mad. 371 00:16:49,466 --> 00:16:51,385 You sure you’re not mad? 372 00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:54,388 No. I’m not mad. 373 00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:58,392 You sure you’re not mad? 374 00:16:58,475 --> 00:17:01,228 No, I’m not mad. 375 00:17:01,311 --> 00:17:05,315 Mr. Teddy, can you ask Lisa if she’s mad? 376 00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:06,650 What’s that, Mr. Teddy? 377 00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:08,360 You’re saying that you know women, 378 00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:10,571 and that when women say they’re not mad, 379 00:17:10,654 --> 00:17:12,448 they’re madder than ever? 380 00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:14,700 Oh… she’s gone. 381 00:17:14,783 --> 00:17:17,244 Can you drive me home? I’m a little drunk. 382 00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:20,122 Lisa? 383 00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:22,708 Lisa?! 384 00:17:22,791 --> 00:17:25,461 Lisa, sweetie, please look at your Daddy. 385 00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:27,629 You stopped being my Daddy 386 00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:29,673 as soon as you bet against me! 387 00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:31,800 All I have now is a mom, 388 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,927 which is why I’m taking her maiden name! 389 00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:37,181 From now on, I’m Lisa Bouvier! 390 00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,560 Hey, Mr. S. 391 00:17:41,643 --> 00:17:43,437 Lisa B. 392 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:46,565 No…! 393 00:17:46,648 --> 00:17:48,609 Would you like to buy some band candy? 394 00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:52,071 Yes…! 395 00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:53,739 Lisa’s mad at me, 396 00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:57,493 and now she’s using Marge’s maiden name instead of mine. 397 00:17:57,576 --> 00:17:59,328 Homer, whatever you done to that little girl, 398 00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:01,914 you just gotta do something even nicer to win her back. 399 00:18:01,997 --> 00:18:03,207 She may never take back your name, 400 00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:04,333 but there’s still a chance 401 00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:05,918 she’ll take you back as a Daddy. 402 00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:08,462 Wow, nobody gives better parenting advice 403 00:18:08,545 --> 00:18:11,715 than childless drunks. 404 00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:14,218 So the name "Lisa Simpson" is available, huh? 405 00:18:14,301 --> 00:18:16,220 Lotta goodwill attached to that name. 406 00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:17,303 I gonna take it. 407 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,182 Lisa’s Tavern, Lisa speaking. 408 00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:29,608 Lisa, sweetie, I’m honored 409 00:18:29,691 --> 00:18:32,402 that you chose my name, but it’s not that great. 410 00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:33,570 Back in high school, 411 00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:36,115 the boys used to call me Marge "Boobier." 412 00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:38,659 Hey, Bouvier was Jackie Kennedy’s maiden name. 413 00:18:38,742 --> 00:18:40,494 Really? I never knew that. 414 00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:42,121 What did you think her name was 415 00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:43,664 before it was Kennedy? 416 00:18:43,747 --> 00:18:45,833 Jackie "O." Like SpaghettiOs. 417 00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:48,710 I thought that was where her money came from. 418 00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:50,129 Look, why don’t you cheer up 419 00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:53,090 by doing a New York Times crossword puzzle, huh? 420 00:18:53,173 --> 00:18:54,883 I’m through with crosswords. 421 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:58,137 My innocence died in those 441 little boxes. 422 00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:01,056 It might be a fun way to kill a couple hours. 423 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,891 A couple hours? 424 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,394 I can do the Sunday puzzle in less than one hour. 425 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:08,772 A couple of hours. 426 00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:12,526 Last clue: "Loses on purpose." 427 00:19:12,609 --> 00:19:14,111 Huh… 428 00:19:14,194 --> 00:19:15,779 Diets! 429 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:19,491 Oh, Will Shortz, you clever rascal. 430 00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:22,077 And a new record time. 431 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:23,495 Wait a second. 432 00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:26,623 "Dumb Dad Sorry For His Bet." 433 00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:29,793 Wow, it’s almost as if Dad planted that message. 434 00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:33,505 No, it must just be a weird coincidence. 435 00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:35,257 But what if it’s not? 436 00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:36,550 Oh, it must be. 437 00:19:36,633 --> 00:19:37,634 Or mustn’t it not? 438 00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:50,939 Dad, I know this is crazy, 439 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:52,983 but did you plant a message to me 440 00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:54,318 in the New York Times crossword puzzle? 441 00:19:54,401 --> 00:19:57,613 Well, I had a little help from this guy. 442 00:19:57,696 --> 00:20:01,033 New York Times Crossword Editor Will Shortz! 443 00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:04,536 And master puzzle constructor Merl Reagle! 444 00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:06,455 I actually wrote that crossword. 445 00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:08,415 And I edited it. 446 00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:09,401 Now get back to crosswording! 447 00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:11,585 Yes, sir. 448 00:20:11,668 --> 00:20:14,546 Well, I must admit, I’m kind of touched. 449 00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:16,465 "Dumb Dad Sorry For His Bet." 450 00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:18,217 Nice. 451 00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,219 You didn’t get Homer’s whole message, Lisa. 452 00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:21,511 I didn’t? 453 00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:24,181 Take a look at the first letters of all the clues. 454 00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:32,314 Dear Lisa, you make me so happy. 455 00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:35,442 Really, really, really happy. 456 00:20:35,525 --> 00:20:38,570 Sorry, he told me I needed a 144 letters. 457 00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:39,947 What was my point again? 458 00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:42,324 Oh, right. 459 00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:46,828 Bouvier or Simpson, I cherish you. 460 00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:49,206 Oh, Dad. 461 00:20:49,289 --> 00:20:53,710 * "Cherish" is the word I use to describe * 462 00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:59,675 * All the feeling that I have * 463 00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:05,764 * hiding here for you inside * 464 00:21:05,847 --> 00:21:08,058 * You don’t know how many times * 465 00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:09,768 * I’ve wished that I had told you * 466 00:21:09,851 --> 00:21:11,478 * You don’t know… * 467 00:21:53,270 --> 00:21:55,689 Captioned by VISUAL DATA 468 00:21:55,772 --> 00:21:57,774 Enhanced by Fotokem