1 00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,089 * The Simpsons * 2 00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:48,131 D'oh! 3 00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,118 A home and garden show? 4 00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:21,915 Mom, you said we were going to a video game expo. 5 00:01:21,998 --> 00:01:23,249 You told me we were going 6 00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:25,085 to pick up trash by the freeway. 7 00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:27,504 You told me something, but I wasn't listening. 8 00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:30,965 I'm sorry for fibbing. 9 00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:32,550 Tell you what… if you don't like it, 10 00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:34,177 you can complain all the way home. 11 00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:35,512 Fair enough. 12 00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:37,347 Kids, let's practice. 13 00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:40,767 * Mi-mi-mi-mi. * 14 00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:42,352 - Well, that sucked. - There's a day 15 00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:43,812 - we'll never get back. - I was so bored. 16 00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:45,522 That was good, but, Lisa, 17 00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:47,565 you're still complaining from your throat, 18 00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:49,400 not your diaphragm. 19 00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:53,613 * I was so bored. * 20 00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:59,327 Ooh, look, a welcome mat that tells you 21 00:01:59,410 --> 00:02:00,787 your weight. 22 00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:02,247 Your weight is… 23 00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:04,457 warranty voided. 24 00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:05,527 D'oh! 25 00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:07,252 Oh, my God, look over there. 26 00:02:07,335 --> 00:02:09,337 The Sprinkle King, Sprinkle Queen, 27 00:02:09,420 --> 00:02:12,048 and Deluxe Sprinkle King are the Simon and Garfunkel 28 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:14,592 plus one of hose-nozzle dispersal arrays. 29 00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:16,845 Observe. 30 00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:23,226 Classic hose-play. 31 00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:26,396 What is that soothing sound? 32 00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:28,106 Maybe it's beef stew. 33 00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:31,359 Hot tubs. 34 00:02:31,442 --> 00:02:33,319 Guys, what's it like? 35 00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:36,781 Getting a back rub from an orgasm. 36 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:39,200 I want to buy your fanciest hot tub. 37 00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:43,204 Oh, you mean the YouSoup 5,000. 38 00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:45,373 Please, can I get it, Marge, please, please? 39 00:02:45,456 --> 00:02:46,833 I can have all my birthday parties in it. 40 00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:48,209 I'll be less stressed. 41 00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:51,004 And I'm really freaking stressed! 42 00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:57,093 If I'm more relaxed, I'll be a better mom. 43 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,803 Can we, can we? 44 00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,597 Wait a minute, who am I pleading with? 45 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:01,666 - Beats me. - I don't know. 46 00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:03,183 Please, please, please. 47 00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:09,230 Now I know why lobsters let out that joyful squeal 48 00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:11,482 when they're dropped in the pot. 49 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:15,195 Uh-oh, we're starting to attract swingers. 50 00:03:17,071 --> 00:03:18,057 - All right. - Oh, yeah. 51 00:03:18,072 --> 00:03:19,073 - Whoo-hoo. - Yes. 52 00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:21,326 Ew… 53 00:03:21,409 --> 00:03:22,744 I'm on it. 54 00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:25,288 Go back to your day spas. 55 00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:30,293 Maybe we should get out now. 56 00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:32,212 Interesting proposal. 57 00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:35,256 Now, with an opposing point of view: bubbles. 58 00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:38,301 Yeah. 59 00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:42,373 Hey, cool your jets. 60 00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:44,265 We're trying to get to sleep. 61 00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:46,142 Hey, Flanders, why don't you join us? 62 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,937 Afraid you'll get your moustache wet? 63 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:50,271 Well, yes. 64 00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:52,482 Come on, man, baptize your buns. 65 00:03:56,486 --> 00:04:00,406 Oh… yeah… 66 00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:04,535 Oh, iddily-iddily- iddily-iddily-iddily. 67 00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:11,292 I feel like we're forgetting something. 68 00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:16,130 There was a note on the fridge marked "urgent." 69 00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:18,383 Funny word: urgent. 70 00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:19,759 Urr… gent. 71 00:04:19,842 --> 00:04:21,094 Urgent. 72 00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:23,304 One of us should go look at it. 73 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:26,975 Hmm, probably a reminder to relax more. 74 00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:28,893 Oh, yeah. 75 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,186 That's it. 76 00:04:40,446 --> 00:04:41,948 I'm sorry, Abe, we just can't wait 77 00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:43,408 for your family any longer. 78 00:04:43,491 --> 00:04:44,659 But they're coming. 79 00:04:44,742 --> 00:04:47,245 My son even put a note on his refrigerator. 80 00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:48,663 Please wait. 81 00:04:48,746 --> 00:04:50,123 I'm afraid it's too late. 82 00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:51,916 On your mark, get set… 83 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:55,670 No…! 84 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:02,302 They're blanks, Abe. 85 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,227 Hey, what happened to the bubbles? 86 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,563 You good-for-nothing jellyfish! 87 00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:14,731 While you were lying here 88 00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:16,899 soaking like a bunch of dirty dishes, 89 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,402 I was lonelier than Estes Kefauver 90 00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:22,238 at a meeting of Murder Incorporated. 91 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:24,434 That actually makes sense. 92 00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:25,825 Look it up. 93 00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:26,908 It does! 94 00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,552 Sorry we missed your special day, Grampa. 95 00:05:44,635 --> 00:05:46,387 We'll definitely go next year. 96 00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:49,640 The thing is: I ain't got much life left to live, 97 00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:51,642 and a wasted day like today 98 00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:54,395 is one I know I'll never get back. 99 00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:59,025 Oh, Dad, I never knew you had dreams or emotions. 100 00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:00,526 We'll make it up to you. 101 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:03,154 We'll do something you've always wanted to do 102 00:06:03,237 --> 00:06:04,989 but never got the chance. 103 00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:07,992 Well, there are a few things I was hoping to do 104 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,203 before I become dust in a jar. 105 00:06:10,286 --> 00:06:12,538 Whoa, whoa, whoa, who said anything about a jar? 106 00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:14,123 Anyway, I made a list. 107 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,501 Okay. 108 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:19,754 "Pitch in the Negro Leagues"… 109 00:06:19,837 --> 00:06:22,090 I can think of at least two problems with that. 110 00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:25,009 Can't read that one; my thumb's over it. 111 00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:27,678 "Have one more beer at O'Flanagan's Pub." 112 00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:29,472 We'll do that one. 113 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:32,225 This place is in Ireland?! 114 00:06:32,308 --> 00:06:33,476 That's right. 115 00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:35,228 Now let's make our reservations. 116 00:06:35,311 --> 00:06:36,437 Lousy old man, 117 00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:38,773 making me look up at an airplane. 118 00:06:44,028 --> 00:06:45,738 Welcome to Ireland, 119 00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:48,741 also known as the Emerald Isle, Potatoville, East Boston, 120 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,993 Freckle Bog, The Land of Poetry, 121 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,453 and The Land of Bad Poetry. 122 00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:55,498 And on your left you'll see Western Ireland. 123 00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:57,583 On your right you'll see Kathy Ireland. 124 00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,127 Hi, everyone. 125 00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:06,592 I'm finally back. 126 00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:09,679 The days I spent at O'Flanagan's Pub 127 00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:12,515 were the happiest ones of my life. 128 00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:15,143 * We drink all day, we're full of guilt * 129 00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:17,937 * We know we're not Scots 'cause we don't wear a kilt * 130 00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:22,525 * We toss our darts with a beer in our hand * 131 00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:25,403 * We boil our food till it tastes really bland * 132 00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:28,906 * This is the life… * 133 00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:32,702 * In Ireland… * 134 00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:34,871 * Ireland. * 135 00:07:57,727 --> 00:08:02,815 * Oh, this is the life in Ireland. * 136 00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:06,944 Dunkilderry is so quaint. 137 00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:09,739 It looks like the puzzle at the pediatrician's office. 138 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,618 Get ready to step back to a simpler age, 139 00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:16,370 filled with tweed caps, cheerful sheep, 140 00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:18,581 and unending troubles. 141 00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:26,380 What the…?! Upscale boutiques?! 142 00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:28,591 Yup-rechauns?! 143 00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:30,343 Plasma screen TV. 144 00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:33,221 Summer in Tuscany. 145 00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:35,014 Well, Ireland is at the forefront 146 00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:36,641 of Europe's tech boom. 147 00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:43,439 In your face, Belgium. 148 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,316 Bart, if you hate Belgium so much, 149 00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:47,902 maybe I should take your Tintins away. 150 00:08:47,985 --> 00:08:49,654 No, I'll be good. 151 00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:54,700 But my favorite pub is still there. 152 00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:01,958 This isn't the way I remember it! 153 00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,084 Where's the customers? 154 00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:04,168 Where's the singing? 155 00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:05,920 Where's 20-year-old me? 156 00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:09,006 Run, run, you big sack of glue. 157 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,633 Tom O'Flanagan? 158 00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:12,760 Quiet, they're in the home stretch now. 159 00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:13,829 Come on, come on. 160 00:09:13,844 --> 00:09:15,763 Move your fetlocks. 161 00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:18,683 Aw, damn it, will you ever win this race? 162 00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:21,435 This broadcast is from 1979. 163 00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:23,729 Yes, I'm just an old man 164 00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:26,774 yelling at me tapes. 165 00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:28,442 Oh, I've got lots of time for that 166 00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:30,903 now no one comes into me bar anymore. 167 00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:34,699 It's been years since I've sold so much as a "pint." 168 00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:36,617 Don't you mean pint? 169 00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:38,661 It's been so long, I've forgotten how to say it! 170 00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:42,373 It's a joke to even call this place a "pube." 171 00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:43,749 What happened, Tom? 172 00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:47,044 Everyone got jobs, that's what happened. 173 00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:49,964 Sir, I brought my father thousands of miles 174 00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:52,008 just to drink at your bar. 175 00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:53,509 Do you mean it? 176 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,845 Don't toy with an old man's heart, now. 177 00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,888 Give me a beer and a shot of whiskey. 178 00:09:59,056 --> 00:10:00,474 I'll have one drink, 179 00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:02,643 one cocktail, and one booze, please. 180 00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:04,228 Oh. 181 00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:06,188 While your father and your grandfather have a drink, 182 00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,107 we're going to see sights. 183 00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:09,317 Hey, I just spent ten hours on a plane. 184 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,776 I'm staying here. 185 00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:12,069 They've got German Krusty on TV. 186 00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,196 Heil-heil! 187 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,615 Ach du lieber. 188 00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:18,367 Krusty spritzen der gas wasser. 189 00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:19,660 Ja, ja. 190 00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:21,662 Krusty spritzen der gas wasser. 191 00:10:23,539 --> 00:10:25,708 Such a beautiful language. 192 00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:28,669 That's not how a family vacation works. 193 00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:30,212 We do things together 194 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,548 while your father has fun without us. 195 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,759 All right, Tom, pour me a drink. 196 00:10:34,842 --> 00:10:37,762 We have this delicious Australian Shiraz. 197 00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:40,264 An Irish drink. 198 00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:42,099 Oh, fine. 199 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:45,728 Here's some Bushmills whiskey served in a potato, 200 00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:48,272 floating in a Guinness stout. 201 00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,276 I said an Irish drink! 202 00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:55,029 That's better. 203 00:10:55,112 --> 00:10:58,032 The Giant's Causeway 204 00:10:58,115 --> 00:11:01,035 is the result of a volcanic eruption. 205 00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:04,330 Well, kids, isn't that an informational fact? 206 00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:05,873 Kids? 207 00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:09,627 Come back here. 208 00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:25,893 Guinness has been brewed since 1759. 209 00:11:25,976 --> 00:11:28,187 Who'd like to know our secret recipe? 210 00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:29,855 I'm not going to tell you. 211 00:11:31,273 --> 00:11:33,067 Sure if I did, it wouldn't be a secret. 212 00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:34,694 Oh, yeah. 213 00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:37,321 That concludes our tour. 214 00:11:45,621 --> 00:11:47,373 Well, you may know the ingredients, 215 00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:49,041 but you don't know the ratio! 216 00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:50,167 Fifty-fifty? 217 00:11:57,466 --> 00:12:00,428 "At McEllis Island, returning immigrants 218 00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:02,012 who are sick of America 219 00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:04,098 are processed by Irish authorities." 220 00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:05,933 - Name? - Frank Smith. 221 00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:07,935 From now on, you're Francis O'Shaunessy. 222 00:12:08,018 --> 00:12:09,729 - Next! - Bill Jones. 223 00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:12,189 Seamus Fitzpatrick. Next! 224 00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:14,692 You're Liam Fitzpatrick and you're brothers with him. 225 00:12:15,651 --> 00:12:16,777 I said you're brothers! 226 00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:18,821 I didn't say you got along! 227 00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:26,370 They say if you kiss the Blarney Stone, 228 00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:27,788 you get "the gift of gab." 229 00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:30,332 Which is great, but I'm not sure I like the idea 230 00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,209 of getting a gift in return for kissing. 231 00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:34,503 What kind of a message is that for Lisa and Maggie? 232 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:37,131 Those are my daughters. But on the other hand, 233 00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:39,258 America doesn't have any stones worth kissing. 234 00:12:39,341 --> 00:12:40,676 Except for Stone Phillips. 235 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:41,927 Do you have one of him here? 236 00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:44,096 If so, he's our your him. 237 00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:53,606 * K-I S-S-M-Y A-S-S * 238 00:12:53,689 --> 00:12:54,690 * Spells "Kiss my ass." * 239 00:12:58,986 --> 00:12:59,986 Fresh! 240 00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:04,116 I'm gonna carve me initials in it. 241 00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:07,953 Har, har! 242 00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:11,665 * This is the life… * 243 00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:15,961 * In Ireland… * 244 00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:18,506 You okay, Dad? 245 00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:19,840 I just had a nightmare 246 00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:22,301 that I was back with your mother! 247 00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:27,264 Oh, how I miss her. 248 00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:34,480 Ah, there they are: 249 00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:36,273 Dunkilderry's newest tavern keepers. 250 00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:37,441 - Huh? - Huh? 251 00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:38,651 Well, last night you said 252 00:13:38,734 --> 00:13:39,985 you never wanted to leave this pub, 253 00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:41,821 so you bought it from me! 254 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:42,890 We what?! 255 00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:46,367 Oh, these pictures tell no lies. 256 00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:48,577 There's you meeting with the loan officer 257 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,037 and the title insurance company. 258 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,081 Here's me replacing the window sashes 259 00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:53,833 that had the termite damage, 260 00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:56,252 as per the escrow agreement. 261 00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:58,921 You know, I have to say, for blind drunks, 262 00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:00,673 you had an excellent knowledge 263 00:14:00,756 --> 00:14:02,216 of Irish real estate law. 264 00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:04,343 We bought this dump? 265 00:14:04,426 --> 00:14:07,429 You most certainly did. 266 00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:17,940 So long, suckers! 267 00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:22,027 Well, Dad, was there anything on your list 268 00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:24,238 about being cheated by an Irishman? 269 00:14:24,321 --> 00:14:25,739 Fourth one from the bottom. 270 00:14:27,157 --> 00:14:27,977 D'oh! 271 00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:29,743 That takes care of my next one. 272 00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:36,834 Never heard of half this stuff! 273 00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:40,087 This brandy is 50 years old. 274 00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:41,505 Better toss it. 275 00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:43,716 Hey, boyo! 276 00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:46,594 How about a tall cool one? 277 00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:48,470 How about you, Greensleeves? 278 00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:49,972 Irishmen love to get drunk! 279 00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:51,000 I'm in A.A. 280 00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:53,142 Who are you, stuttering Fonzie? 281 00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:55,603 What about you, bicycle pants? 282 00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:58,397 I'm late for a teleconference with Hong Kong, you fat gob! 283 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,149 Why you…! 284 00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:03,360 Uh-oh. 285 00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:06,780 Our first sale! 286 00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:08,949 Our first refund. 287 00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:10,784 Find any customers? 288 00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:13,579 Yeah, look at them crowding the bar! 289 00:15:13,662 --> 00:15:16,916 There's Sully and Mack, Jimmy D. and Jimmy B.! 290 00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:18,125 What can I get you, boys? 291 00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:19,668 The usual? 292 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,462 We are so screwed. 293 00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:27,134 Oh, it must be Bloomsday! 294 00:15:27,217 --> 00:15:28,636 - Huh? - Huh? 295 00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:30,512 Every June 16, lovers of James Joyce 296 00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,806 follow the route traveled by Leopold Bloom 297 00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:33,974 in the novel Ulysses. 298 00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:36,185 Hmm, let me make a note of that. 299 00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:42,024 What you're saying is, we've run out of fun things to do. 300 00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:43,901 Pretty much, yeah. 301 00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:45,736 Ah, there's always something to do in Ireland. 302 00:15:45,819 --> 00:15:47,696 I'm trying to woo back a girl that I met in a music shop. 303 00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:51,158 Watch this, kids. 304 00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:54,536 * I don't know you * 305 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:58,207 * But I want you * 306 00:15:58,290 --> 00:16:00,417 * All the more… * 307 00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:02,002 Leave me alone! 308 00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:03,128 I have a husband! 309 00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:05,005 And quit sending her pianos! 310 00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:12,846 Ireland doesn't like pubs anymore. 311 00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:14,640 It's as if Danish people 312 00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:17,267 stopped liking sleek, modern design. 313 00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:18,769 Bite your tongue! 314 00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:20,604 That will never, ever happen! 315 00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:22,189 Well, we need help. 316 00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:24,149 Someone who can make money with a bar 317 00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:28,070 that has no customers and zero charm. 318 00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:33,993 Moe, you shipped yourself here? 319 00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:36,161 No, it's how you fly coach on Delta now. 320 00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:38,163 Moe, something terrible has happened. 321 00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:40,249 The Irish have become hardworking and sober. 322 00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:42,001 Here's how you turn this place around. 323 00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:44,962 I let people do things in my bar 324 00:16:45,045 --> 00:16:46,755 they can't do nowhere else. 325 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,590 You want to drink on a Sunday morning? 326 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:49,883 No problem. 327 00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:51,802 You want to slow dance with a goat? 328 00:16:51,885 --> 00:16:54,722 I'll be doing a lot of things, but judging ain't one of them. 329 00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:57,057 Are you saying we should break the law? 330 00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:58,434 The law? 331 00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:00,185 That jerk? 332 00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:04,857 So, what can't people do in modern Ireland? 333 00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:09,068 Well, they're certainly liberal 334 00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:11,238 when it comes to… romance. 335 00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:16,994 Sorry, but smoking in pubs ain't part of the new Ireland. 336 00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:18,620 Also, you can't text while driving. 337 00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:21,707 Oh, what has happened to the ways of old? 338 00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:24,877 People can't smoke indoors in Ireland! 339 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,086 Then you let them. 340 00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:27,713 Open a smoke-easy. 341 00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:31,884 Gentlemen, we have a lot of work to do! 342 00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:47,858 Moe, you were right! 343 00:17:47,941 --> 00:17:49,276 Thanks. 344 00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:51,153 Now, I'm gonna go look for my grandfather 345 00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:53,030 based on this childhood photo. 346 00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:54,490 All I remember about him 347 00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:56,408 is he was part of a complete breakfast. 348 00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:01,538 The day they banned smoking from pubs, 349 00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:03,248 a little bit of Ireland died. 350 00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:05,959 But thanks to these two sweet Yanks, 351 00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:08,128 our lungs are black with joy. 352 00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:09,755 To Homer and his da. 353 00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:11,965 Homer and his da! 354 00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:13,759 Well, Da, it looks like 355 00:18:13,842 --> 00:18:16,970 all your "der" have come "ter." 356 00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:20,140 Aw, my son's first stroke. 357 00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:27,314 Look at all this euro dough. 358 00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:29,900 These shamrocks sure love their tobaccy. 359 00:18:29,983 --> 00:18:33,987 So, it's a smoke-easy you're running then? 360 00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:35,114 - Uh-oh! - Ay! 361 00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:36,907 So… it's escaping you're thinking of then? 362 00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:39,159 I can't tell if those are questions or statements. 363 00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:42,663 So, it's our syntax you're criticizing then? 364 00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:44,456 Close her down, boys! 365 00:18:58,595 --> 00:19:00,973 Throw them in the paddy wagon! 366 00:19:01,056 --> 00:19:03,225 I mean the "us" wagon. 367 00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:15,279 Son, this was all my fault. 368 00:19:15,362 --> 00:19:18,323 You were just trying to make an old man happy. 369 00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:19,700 Oh, don't worry, Dad. 370 00:19:19,783 --> 00:19:21,160 We'll get out. 371 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:24,037 America is the New York Yankees of countries… 372 00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:26,748 powerful and respected until the year 2000. 373 00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:31,003 Oh, son, you know how I love a good analogy. 374 00:19:31,086 --> 00:19:33,338 It was apt. 375 00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:36,216 Let me say I've always admired the Irish… 376 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:38,302 Knute Rockne, Larry Bird, 377 00:19:38,385 --> 00:19:40,804 and especially Mr. Potato Head. 378 00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,431 Go on. 379 00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:46,393 But I ask you: Who does smoking actually hurt 380 00:19:46,476 --> 00:19:49,396 except the smokers, those around them, 381 00:19:49,479 --> 00:19:52,232 and the unborn children of the pregnant women we let in free 382 00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:54,818 on "expectant mothers drink free" night? 383 00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:56,862 Ohh… 384 00:19:56,945 --> 00:19:59,364 So, I hope you'll forgive two well-meaning Americans 385 00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:01,283 for trying to take Ireland 386 00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:04,661 back to the good old days of Angela's Ashes. 387 00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:07,247 Thank you. 388 00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:09,625 That was absolutely terrible. 389 00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:12,252 But fortunately for you, the punishment for your offense 390 00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:14,922 is deportation and a small fine. 391 00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:16,590 Thank you, Your Honor. 392 00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:20,135 And may I say, I'm glad I could see Ireland again. 393 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,221 Even if it isn't what I remembered. 394 00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:24,473 It got a lot nicer since we sent 395 00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:26,850 all our incompetent half-wits to America, 396 00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:29,811 where you, for some reason, made them police officers. 397 00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,855 Top of the morning to ya! 398 00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:34,358 Chief Clancy Wiggum here to pick up the Simpsons 399 00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:36,276 and take them back to the… 400 00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:38,195 Oh, geez, that smarts. 401 00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:39,947 Better put a little ouchie spray on that. 402 00:20:43,992 --> 00:20:45,369 Oh, boy! 403 00:20:45,452 --> 00:20:47,371 Oh, I better call for some back up. 404 00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:49,873 This is unit one-niner… 405 00:21:54,062 --> 00:21:56,064 Enhanced by Fotokem