1
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,214
* The Simpsons *
2
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,314
D'oh!
3
00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:47,315
And so in summary,
4
00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:51,111
there are only
two real commandments,
5
00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:53,947
and the other eight
are just "filler."
6
00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:55,448
Oh, yeah.
7
00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:57,534
And now,
I have some exciting news.
8
00:01:57,617 --> 00:02:00,161
Tomorrow we will be blessed
with a visit
9
00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:01,704
from the highest-ranking
clergyman
10
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:04,124
of our Presby-Lutheran faith,
11
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:06,459
His Holiness… the Parson.
12
00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:09,587
The Parson?!
He's coming here?
13
00:02:11,422 --> 00:02:13,216
Oh, my God, she fainted!
14
00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:15,135
Let's go
get smelling salts!
15
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:19,973
Suckers!
16
00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:23,017
Springfielders have camped out
all night to get a glimpse
17
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:25,353
of the most saintly person
to visit our town
18
00:02:25,436 --> 00:02:29,023
since Mother Teresa stopped here
to gas up her Vespa.
19
00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:31,568
And I'm selling all sorts
of faith-based knickknacks.
20
00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:33,194
Let's take a look.
21
00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:35,989
"I'd commit arson
for the Parson."
22
00:02:36,072 --> 00:02:37,699
"Clergymen can kiss my apse."
23
00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:39,325
All kinds of gems.
24
00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:41,369
Surprisingly,
none of them have sold.
25
00:02:41,452 --> 00:02:43,746
Except for this one.
26
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:45,206
There you have it.
27
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:47,167
News has never been softer.
28
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:48,251
What's that?
29
00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:50,170
The Parson is here!
30
00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:53,381
Oh, my God, it's him!
31
00:02:53,464 --> 00:02:55,592
The earthly embodiment
of the Elected Chair
32
00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:57,552
of the National Congress
of Deacons!
33
00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:01,890
Well, well, well,
hello, everybody.
34
00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:04,893
Oh, I hope you didn't go to all
this trouble for little ol' me.
35
00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:06,352
Parson! Parson!
36
00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,688
Give us a quick official
church position on family?
37
00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:10,607
Well, in these
modern times,
38
00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:12,984
family is more important
than ever.
39
00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:15,153
You just made my
moustache tingle!
40
00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:18,031
Settle. Settle down.
41
00:03:18,114 --> 00:03:19,616
Now, now,
I am just a man
42
00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:21,367
like any other
that has been
43
00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:23,536
chosen by God.
44
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:26,539
I have come here from our world
spiritual headquarters
45
00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:29,167
in Michigan City, Indiana,
to say
46
00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:31,377
keep up the good work!
47
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:32,879
Yay!
48
00:03:32,962 --> 00:03:34,672
And now. if you'll excuse me,
49
00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:36,424
I'll do a little speakin'
with your deacon.
50
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,594
* I love to go to church *
51
00:03:39,677 --> 00:03:41,471
* It's where I like to be *
52
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:43,431
* I get a day in of prayin' *
53
00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:46,017
* And still tee off by three. *
54
00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:49,604
Oh, calm down, Tim.
55
00:03:49,687 --> 00:03:52,482
He's just your old roommate
from Texas Christian.
56
00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:54,025
He's like the Pope
of this thing!
57
00:03:54,108 --> 00:03:55,652
This would be like Mary Kay
visiting you
58
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,487
when you were selling
her cosmetics.
59
00:03:57,570 --> 00:04:00,323
That is,
if you had stuck with it.
60
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:02,867
You asked me to quit because
I was making more than you.
61
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:04,118
Not now, he's here.
62
00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:07,121
Welcome, Your Holiness.
63
00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:08,665
You'll love what we've done
with the church.
64
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:11,417
There's fresh wax
on all the pews.
65
00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:13,586
Oh, sounds to me
like somebody put on
66
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:16,506
- more than just one coat.
- Maybe.
67
00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:18,466
Tim, uh, is there somewhere
that we can talk?
68
00:04:18,549 --> 00:04:21,552
- Of course…my office.
- Perfect.
69
00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:24,430
* Walkin' to your office
is what I like to do *
70
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:28,393
* Maybe while we're at it,
we'll peek in at your pews. *
71
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:31,104
Nilla wafer?
72
00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:33,481
I'll take two,
if you don't mind.
73
00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:35,191
Tim, I'm here
because of a problem
74
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,026
with your last recertification.
75
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,903
When we tried to charge
the filing fee
76
00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:40,863
to your credit card,
it was declined.
77
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:44,617
Oh, yeah, the bank put
on a security hold
78
00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,369
after they saw a charge
79
00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:48,121
from an "offshore
poker club."
80
00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:51,291
Helen had bought a fireplace
poker from Nova Scotia.
81
00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:53,960
She says it shifts
logs better
82
00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:55,753
than American pokers,
but I disagree.
83
00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:58,339
We'll get through it.
We always do.
84
00:04:58,423 --> 00:05:01,509
Well, love conquers all, huh?
85
00:05:01,592 --> 00:05:03,803
I remember when
she was Helen Schwarzbaum.
86
00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:07,181
In fact, I remember when
she was Harold Schwarzbaum.
87
00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:08,766
- You what?
- I've said too much.
88
00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:11,436
But for the three months
it took your card to go through,
89
00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:12,812
you weren't certified.
90
00:05:12,895 --> 00:05:16,190
Anything you officiated
during that time…funerals,
91
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:17,734
baptisms, even bingo…
92
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:19,527
well, it just didn't count.
93
00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:21,487
Oh, well,
94
00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:24,490
- I'm sure the Lord
is understanding.
-No, he's not.
95
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:27,577
Oh. I'll notify those affected
right away.
96
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:32,373
Mm… mm… mm… mm… mm…
97
00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:33,833
Teatime!
98
00:05:34,792 --> 00:05:36,210
What's going on?
99
00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:39,422
Helen,
I was briefly uncertified.
100
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:42,258
So all those graces you said
were a lie?!
101
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,594
That food might as well
have been regurgitated
102
00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:46,429
by Satan himself.
103
00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:48,556
* Regurgitated
by Satan *
104
00:05:48,639 --> 00:05:50,058
* He couldn't
keep it down *
105
00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:52,518
* Ol' 666,
he got sick, sick, sick *
106
00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:56,397
* And that's how
volcanoes were born. *
107
00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:01,152
Due to a bureaucratic snafu,
108
00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:02,403
I wasn't
an official minister
109
00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:05,365
when we laid
your dear Estelle to rest.
110
00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:07,367
So… she's still alive?
111
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,327
I'm afraid not.
112
00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:11,996
Good, 'cause I left her ashes
on the bus.
113
00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:15,917
So, Captain,
114
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,836
when I blessed your vessel,
it didn't count.
115
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,881
Yar, maybe the next one.
116
00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:27,595
So I'm afraid
I wasn't a minister
117
00:06:27,678 --> 00:06:30,598
when I blessed
your tin-roof shanty.
118
00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:33,810
So that's why that ghost
keeps a-comin' to the winder!
119
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:35,103
Afternoon.
120
00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:36,437
Fly away, ghosty!
121
00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:39,649
Go back
to your haunted cornfield!
122
00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:43,486
Reverend Lovejoy?
You deliver pizza now?
123
00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:45,530
We didn't order a pizza.
124
00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:47,573
But you forgot
the pizza anyway.
125
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:50,368
Marge, the pizza place
screwed up again!
126
00:06:50,451 --> 00:06:52,787
Do you remember
when I remarried you two
127
00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:54,747
after Homer
got that divorce?
128
00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:57,583
Like it was yesterday.
129
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,548
Kirk and Luann split up,
130
00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:06,008
so Homer,
fearing we would do the same,
131
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:08,261
preemptively filed for divorce.
132
00:07:08,344 --> 00:07:12,682
But then you remarried us,
and we were as solid as ever.
133
00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:15,601
And I think Apu got lucky
with my sister.
134
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:19,564
Well, I'm afraid
that joyous occasion fell
135
00:07:19,647 --> 00:07:22,608
during a time when I wasn't
actually a minister.
136
00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:27,029
Since that time, you two have
not been legally wed.
137
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,323
You don't get it, padre.
138
00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:31,492
My old lady and I have
a thing going on.
139
00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:34,287
We don't need a piece
of paper to keep it real.
140
00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:35,455
Who are you calling
an old lady?
141
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,415
I need that
paper quick!
142
00:07:41,669 --> 00:07:44,297
So, you and Mom aren't married?
Does that mean I'm a bastard?
143
00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:45,882
You were born while
they were married,
144
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:47,508
so legally, no.
145
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,051
But in the sense
someone calls you one
146
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:50,720
when they're angry, yes.
147
00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:52,555
It's not a big deal.
148
00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:55,099
We'll just go to City Hall
and get married there.
149
00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:57,059
I think it's romantic.
150
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:58,644
You can pretend
you're newlyweds
151
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,646
starting a
life together.
152
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:02,356
Yeah, instead
of exhausted zombies
153
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:03,524
running down
the clock.
154
00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:05,443
Why, you little bastard!
155
00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:07,361
That's the angry one.
156
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:09,030
Uh-huh.
157
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,831
This isn't
the most romantic place
158
00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:20,124
to get married.
159
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:22,502
Sweetie, any place
I'm marrying you
160
00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:24,879
is the most romantic place
in the world.
161
00:08:24,962 --> 00:08:26,506
Watch your back!
162
00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:27,589
Half a corpse
coming through!
163
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:33,596
Marge, this time
I'm going to give you
164
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,431
the wedding you deserve.
Let's get out of here!
165
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,599
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
166
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,476
That's the line
to get out.
167
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:49,987
Hello?
168
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:53,491
Hello.
It's me, Lance Romance.
169
00:08:53,574 --> 00:08:57,078
Your first mission
is to look out the window.
170
00:08:57,161 --> 00:09:00,248
Whatever you say, Lance.
171
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,585
Oh…
172
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:09,966
Whoa!
173
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:12,468
This is Bill and Marty saying,
174
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,428
"Marge, go down
to the basement!"
175
00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:22,812
Homer, what's going on?
176
00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:25,481
The violin, pants
with a crease…
177
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,191
Why?
178
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,777
Marge, you deserve
a wedding day that…
179
00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:32,780
unlike our children…
was planned in advance.
180
00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:36,784
So… will you marry me
in style?
181
00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:39,996
Oh, yes, Homer. Yes!
182
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:41,163
Did you hear that, Santa?
183
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:44,667
She said yes! Yes!
184
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:47,670
Now, back to your cold
airless tomb.
185
00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:50,548
Ho-ho-ho!
186
00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:57,513
Oh, it's beautiful.
187
00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:00,600
But that's an awful lot to pay
for a dress I'll only wear once.
188
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:03,728
Marge, a woman
only gets one chance
189
00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:05,062
at a second remarriage.
190
00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:06,314
The choice is yours:
191
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:07,898
you can look
like a fairy princess
192
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:09,984
or a pig wrapped in rags.
193
00:10:10,067 --> 00:10:11,777
Uh, a princess?
194
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,821
Fine. We'll do
it your way.
195
00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:15,489
This one's
a little gay, isn't it?
196
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:18,868
Well, the last time I checked,
pirates weren't gay.
197
00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:20,703
Ew. How'd you check?
198
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:24,790
Check out this rocket ship cake,
Marge.
199
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:28,210
That's for a child's birthday.
We're going to get this one.
200
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:30,880
Maybe we could bury the
rocket ship inside the cake,
201
00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:32,715
and that would be a big surprise
202
00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:34,050
because I'd forget about it
pretty quick.
203
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:35,760
No rockets!
204
00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:36,662
You can pick the frosting.
205
00:10:36,677 --> 00:10:37,663
Chocolate.
206
00:10:37,678 --> 00:10:39,847
We'll take lemon.
207
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:43,893
Okay, I want white roses
at the altar,
208
00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:45,770
red roses along the aisle,
209
00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:47,938
and blue roses
in the centerpieces.
210
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:49,482
There are no blue roses.
211
00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:50,900
I want to talk to Howard.
212
00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:52,652
Howard died
ten years ago.
213
00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:55,112
Well, did he take all
the blue roses with him?
214
00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:56,864
My father was a lovely man.
215
00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,866
He took very good care
of my mother and me.
216
00:10:58,949 --> 00:11:01,661
All right, people.
217
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:04,664
I want every table to have
two baskets of bread,
218
00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:06,499
but only one plate of butter.
219
00:11:06,582 --> 00:11:07,708
That will
stimulate conversation.
220
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:08,834
What if we…
221
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:10,461
There is no "we"
in "wedding."
222
00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:12,546
But there is, Marge!
The first two letters.
223
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:13,964
I can't believe
you're ruining
224
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:15,925
the second Thursday
before the wedding!
225
00:11:18,052 --> 00:11:19,136
Oh, Homer!
226
00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:24,266
I can't believe you told Lenny
and Carl they could bring dates!
227
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:25,601
'Cause they're not even coming
to the wedding!
228
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:26,811
Why not?
229
00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:28,896
Because their RSVP cards
230
00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:31,732
arrived one day
after the deadline!
231
00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:35,236
Marge, uh, maybe you should take
a break from wedding planning.
232
00:11:35,319 --> 00:11:36,487
I think you're
becoming a…
233
00:11:36,570 --> 00:11:37,613
Bridezilla.
234
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:38,698
Bridezilla?
235
00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:43,911
A combination
of "bride" and "Godzilla"?
236
00:11:43,994 --> 00:11:45,121
How could you say that?
237
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:47,498
More like
you're a King Wrong!
238
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,095
Mm.
239
00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:15,693
No matter what I do,
Marge yells at me.
240
00:12:15,776 --> 00:12:17,153
If she's like this now,
241
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:19,405
what will she be like
after we get married?
242
00:12:19,488 --> 00:12:21,449
Oh…
243
00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:24,910
Okay, okay, everyone, back off!
244
00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:27,079
I want to see myself.
245
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:29,749
A pimple!
246
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:31,834
Not on my day, you don't!
247
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,756
Okay. It's go time!
248
00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:38,424
Dim the lights.
249
00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:39,508
Cue the band.
250
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:43,664
And…
251
00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:45,806
release the groom.
252
00:12:47,057 --> 00:12:49,059
Homer, that's you!
253
00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:53,063
We are now 11 seconds
behind schedule!
254
00:12:56,817 --> 00:12:58,861
Homie!
255
00:13:18,547 --> 00:13:21,050
I can't believe
Homer left me at the altar.
256
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,427
Oh, Marge,
have a shrimp puff.
257
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:25,387
Wipe your tears
with a monogrammed napkin.
258
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,517
I know it is hard,
259
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,853
but smile for the cameraman
from Gary's Magic Moments.
260
00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:35,773
You have my deepest sympathy.
261
00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:41,111
- What's going on?
- What's with all the darkness?
262
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,113
Hello? Marge?
263
00:13:43,197 --> 00:13:44,240
Where am I?
264
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:49,537
What the…?
265
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:51,622
I'm chained up
like a common bicycle!
266
00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:55,167
Who would do this to me?
267
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:59,463
It would have to be someone
who could afford a chain.
268
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:01,882
You're going to be here
a while.
269
00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:03,425
But I have to marry Marge!
270
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:06,470
As of now, your pathetic
little life means nothing.
271
00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:10,182
Just so you know, you're making
a pretty bad first impression.
272
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,643
It's all my fault.
273
00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:16,438
Homer wanted to serve
those little cocktail hot dogs.
274
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:18,482
But no…
275
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:21,068
I had to have spring rolls!
276
00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:22,528
They taste like nothing.
277
00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:26,490
I don't understand.
278
00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:29,410
Dad would never miss
an open bar with chicken wings.
279
00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:31,745
Plus he loves Mom, and us,
yada, yada, yada.
280
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:33,455
Hey, I found something!
281
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:38,419
- Sideshow Bob!
- Sideshow Bob?!
282
00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:39,879
He ruined the wedding,
283
00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:43,007
getting his revenge
on us at last!
284
00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:45,551
Because he knows that if
Mom and Dad don't get married,
285
00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:47,344
I'll never be born!
286
00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:55,603
I've got some wedding registry
items for Mrs. Simpson.
287
00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:57,354
I'm afraid I'm just…
288
00:14:57,438 --> 00:14:59,690
Ms. Simpson now.
289
00:14:59,773 --> 00:15:00,941
Oh, interesting nuance.
290
00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:02,067
I'd like to hear
more about it,
291
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:06,238
but, uh, company policy
forbids chitchat.
292
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,824
I miss you so much.
293
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,492
To remove that chain,
294
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,453
you need the key to the lock.
295
00:15:12,536 --> 00:15:14,538
You idiot! How am I ever
going to find the key to the…
296
00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:15,566
Oh, here it is.
297
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:18,125
Huh?
298
00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:20,628
To get the key, I have
to lick through a lollipop?
299
00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:22,338
Oh, how awful.
300
00:15:23,547 --> 00:15:24,548
Ow!
301
00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:26,091
What the…?
302
00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:28,260
The lollipop is made
of hot sauce.
303
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:31,680
Oh! Whose side are you on?
304
00:15:39,813 --> 00:15:41,106
Sideshow Bob,
305
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,733
drop that knife
and give back our dad!
306
00:15:42,816 --> 00:15:44,068
Huh?
307
00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:46,612
I'm working on
a bust of Krusty
308
00:15:46,695 --> 00:15:49,573
and using this knife
to aerate the clay.
309
00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:52,826
Anyone for peppermint tea?
310
00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:55,955
Not for me, but the monkey
needs to keep his strength up.
311
00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:57,498
We're gonna drop him
out of a blimp tomorrow
312
00:15:57,581 --> 00:15:58,624
and see what happens.
313
00:15:58,707 --> 00:16:01,043
Oh, don't worry.
314
00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:04,546
Nothing's going to happen
to you, Mr. Teeny #7.
315
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,590
Bob, did you take any
breaks yesterday…
316
00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:07,925
to kidnap our dad?
317
00:16:08,008 --> 00:16:09,093
Impossible.
318
00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:10,970
I was with Bob
the whole day.
319
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:14,139
Then we watched the deluxe DVD
of The House of Sand and Fog.
320
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:16,433
At night, we slept
in the same bed for warmth.
321
00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:18,560
Then we woke up,
had a little nosh,
322
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:21,563
watched The House of Sand
and Fog again with
commentary…
323
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,607
- The director was an ass.
- Fine.
324
00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:25,317
But how do you explain this?
325
00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:26,777
Nice of you to think of me.
326
00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:29,738
However, "SB" could be anyone.
327
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,699
Scott Baio,
the Sultan of Brunei,
328
00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:35,285
the former Polish secret police,
the Sluzba Bezpieczenstwa.
329
00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:37,079
Or…
330
00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:48,632
Marge! I miss you.
331
00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:51,343
Oh, I miss you so much.
332
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,763
Wait'll he finds out
the key isn't a key,
333
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:56,807
but just a hotter sauce.
334
00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:01,645
- Hmm?
- Hmm?
335
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:13,741
I'm gonna say this
for the last time.
336
00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:17,786
Bart, if this is
one of your pranks, very funny.
337
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,039
Mm. Maybe we should
let him out soon.
338
00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:22,791
Not till Marge
dumps him for good.
339
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:25,169
Hey, lame-o!
340
00:17:25,252 --> 00:17:26,462
Ready for some…
341
00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:28,630
…fun with fire ants?
342
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,674
What's fun about fire ants?
They're…
343
00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:33,177
Oh, you're being sarcastic.
344
00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:35,846
Wow, you're the smartest guy
in that room.
345
00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:37,806
Thank you, that's very ni…
346
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,684
Oh. More sarcasm.
347
00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:46,690
Just see that my fiancée Marge
gets this, my wedding vows.
348
00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:50,194
"Marge, I hope this day
is as perfect for you
349
00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:52,488
as the day we met was for me.
350
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:54,823
You always find
the one grain of sugar
351
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:57,076
in the salt shaker that is I.
352
00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:59,703
With each marriage,
I get a little better.
353
00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:02,664
Maybe after a thousand,
I'll be worthy of you."
354
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:03,999
I miss you.
355
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,709
I miss the kids.
356
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:08,378
God help me,
I even miss your sisters.
357
00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:15,469
Poor guy!
358
00:18:15,552 --> 00:18:17,012
He loves her so much!
359
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,347
Excuse me,
360
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:19,932
but I have been waiting
45 minutes
361
00:18:20,015 --> 00:18:22,267
for you to slide
my license over to me.
362
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:23,435
Closed!
363
00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:25,729
Okay, you are hereby
banned from my store.
364
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:27,147
You will have to shop
at the Kwik-E-Mart
365
00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:28,649
across the street
from me.
366
00:18:28,732 --> 00:18:30,484
You know, the much nicer,
much newer one.
367
00:18:30,567 --> 00:18:31,652
Good day to you!
368
00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:34,446
Mom! Mom!
369
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:35,656
We know where Dad is!
370
00:18:35,739 --> 00:18:36,990
He's right here.
371
00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:38,659
I'm not sure
what happened.
372
00:18:38,742 --> 00:18:40,744
I was kidnapped, then tortured,
373
00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:43,914
then I fell into
a surprisingly sound sleep.
374
00:18:43,997 --> 00:18:46,333
When I awoke,
I felt refreshed.
375
00:18:46,416 --> 00:18:47,918
Then I was blindfolded,
376
00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:52,089
and two sobbing trolls threw me
out of a van onto our lawn.
377
00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:54,258
I'm just happy
you're back.
378
00:18:54,341 --> 00:18:56,468
Now let's get
that chain off you.
379
00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:58,804
Won't it dry up in a few days
and fall off in the bath?
380
00:18:58,887 --> 00:19:01,807
Oh, I've missed
your nonsense.
381
00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:14,862
Now there's no evidence
to tie us to the kidnapping.
382
00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:17,781
And we've got a one-year lease
on that torture room,
383
00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:19,741
so maybe we can put a
tanning bed in there.
384
00:19:23,954 --> 00:19:25,747
- Huh?
- Huh?
385
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,082
We know
it was you,
386
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,834
Selma Bouvier.
387
00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:31,879
Would you kids like cookies?
388
00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:34,173
Let your Auntie Patty
make some cookies.
389
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:36,008
We don't want your cookies.
390
00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:38,760
What she means is,
we'll eat your cookies later.
391
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,304
If you don't want us
to tell our mom what you did,
392
00:19:40,387 --> 00:19:41,430
you're gonna have to pay.
393
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:43,724
Pay? Pay for what?
394
00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:45,142
Ask her.
She's the brains.
395
00:19:45,225 --> 00:19:47,769
I'm the thing
that's not the brains.
396
00:19:50,397 --> 00:19:52,774
And with the inking
and application of this stamp,
397
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,109
you are officially married.
398
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,194
Next.
399
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:56,945
I'm sorry, honey.
400
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,281
I wanted so badly to
give you a fancy wedding.
401
00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:00,532
Homer,
402
00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:02,075
one thing I've learned
403
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:04,620
is that you don't need
a fancy wedding
404
00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:07,497
when you're marrying
the man you love.
405
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:22,137
Oh, just what
I always wanted.
406
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,223
A rocket ship wedding cake!
407
00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:26,308
Just what I always wanted!
408
00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:30,479
We emptied our
401s for this?!
409
00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:33,398
Zoom! Zoom!
410
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:36,235
Oh, blue roses!
411
00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:38,820
Yes. It took a lot of frantic
genetic engineering,
412
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:40,322
but… enjoy.
413
00:20:41,698 --> 00:20:43,617
No. You're a plant now.
414
00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:45,304
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