1
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:05,964
* The Simpsons *
2
00:00:10,635 --> 00:00:12,429
It's dark.
3
00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:47,505
D'oh!
4
00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:23,917
Hot dogs,
not so hot dogs!
5
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,627
Cold and droopy!
6
00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:27,003
Fried dough!
7
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,880
America's worst
legal food!
8
00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:30,256
Never leaves your body!
9
00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:32,258
Wow, the Truth in
Boardwalking Law
10
00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:34,135
has really done a
number on this place.
11
00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:35,970
Shoot an oversized
basketball
12
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,764
into an undersized hoop!
13
00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:39,057
It's impossible!
14
00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:41,768
The prizes have been
here for 50 years!
15
00:01:41,851 --> 00:01:43,520
Ooh.
16
00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:50,110
Maybe we should just check out
the street performers.
17
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:53,863
Big deal!
18
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,448
I could juggle
six pins
19
00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:57,534
if they let me
use a unicycle.
20
00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:59,536
Well, if you think
it's too easy,
21
00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:01,246
why don't you throw me
something else?
22
00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:02,330
- Whoa!
- Whoa.
23
00:02:02,413 --> 00:02:03,957
Are you insane?
24
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:06,292
You can't throw a little boy
into my cascade.
25
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:09,212
Stop tossing kids!
26
00:02:18,596 --> 00:02:20,807
Oh, man, I love Saturdays.
27
00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:23,184
Man, I love Saturdays.
28
00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:24,602
Finally, I can have fun
29
00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:26,521
with something
I bought for myself:
30
00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:28,940
a new water heater.
31
00:02:31,776 --> 00:02:32,944
Almost there.
32
00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:40,994
Five more water heaters,
and we get a free water heater!
33
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:47,026
Huh?
34
00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:49,627
A mysterious door.
35
00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:56,050
Huh?
36
00:02:57,635 --> 00:03:00,305
Hmm, it's like a sauna in here.
37
00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:02,515
It is a sauna in here.
38
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:05,310
Huh, must have been put in
by a previous owner.
39
00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:07,854
This house is full of surprises.
40
00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:09,397
But this is the first good one.
41
00:03:12,066 --> 00:03:14,402
I can't wait to tell everyone.
42
00:03:15,653 --> 00:03:17,739
Oh, this is
great, honey.
43
00:03:17,822 --> 00:03:19,115
Thanks for telling
me about it.
44
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,950
I hope you don't mind
I invited Lenny.
45
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:22,368
And I hope you don't mind
46
00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:24,162
I invited Carl and Moe.
47
00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:25,330
Yeah, you know,
my invitation
48
00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:27,123
didn't say nothing
about no towels,
49
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,541
so, uh, I guess
we should all
50
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,543
just go
Scandinavian.
51
00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:31,836
Huh, huh?
52
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:37,050
Maybe I'll keep this
to myself for a while.
53
00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:41,804
Ooh, lamb kebab.
54
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:43,681
Ooh!
55
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:45,058
Chicken kebab!
56
00:03:45,141 --> 00:03:47,352
Ooh!
57
00:03:47,435 --> 00:03:48,435
Fire kebab!
58
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:49,604
Dad, no!
59
00:03:49,687 --> 00:03:50,687
Dad, yes!
60
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,274
Ow! Water!
61
00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:54,692
Oh, oh, thank you.
62
00:03:59,155 --> 00:04:00,240
Why…
63
00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:01,407
you…
64
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:03,034
little…
65
00:04:03,117 --> 00:04:05,536
Burn, Barty, burn!
66
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:13,085
I'm afraid his tongue
67
00:04:13,127 --> 00:04:15,088
will be in that cast
for a few weeks.
68
00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:17,298
It may put something of a cramp
in your lovemaking.
69
00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:19,259
No, it won't…
if he wants me
70
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:21,135
to do something, he'll
just write it down.
71
00:04:26,307 --> 00:04:27,392
What does it say?
72
00:04:27,475 --> 00:04:29,143
Is it complimentary?
73
00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:31,271
Yeah, sure,
it's complimentary.
74
00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:32,438
It is?
75
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:35,066
Hey, everybody,
check out my compliment!
76
00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:43,825
Now, Homer, how would you
like me to remove it:
77
00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:45,827
yanky or peely?
78
00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:46,953
Got it.
79
00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,038
Ow!
80
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,124
I held up two
for "peely"!
81
00:04:51,207 --> 00:04:54,127
Oh, I thought that was
a "Y," for "yanky."
82
00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:55,503
I'll make a note
in your chart
83
00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:56,921
that you aren't
always clear.
84
00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:58,548
Well, at least
I can eat again.
85
00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:01,175
Mmm, cherry.
86
00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:04,304
Too much cherry!
87
00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,681
Ooh, lemon.
That'll stop the cherry.
88
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,938
Doctor, why is this
happening to me?
89
00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:17,108
Well, I do have an idea,
but just to be sure,
90
00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:18,860
let's run some
expensive tests.
91
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,406
Hmm, the fire burned off
92
00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:26,951
your old taste buds,
exposing new ones.
93
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,121
Ooh!
94
00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:32,957
That'll be
our Christmas card this year.
95
00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:35,126
Homer, you've become
a super-taster.
96
00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:37,920
The mildest spices will
overwhelm your tongue.
97
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:41,007
Even a taco
could drive you insane.
98
00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:44,302
I can't eat tacos?
99
00:05:44,385 --> 00:05:45,386
Oh, my God.
100
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,472
What day of Mayo is it?
101
00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:49,974
- Cinco.
- Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi!
102
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:52,310
Try these beets.
103
00:05:52,393 --> 00:05:54,228
I boiled
all the red out.
104
00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:58,107
I still taste overtones of pink!
105
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:00,109
Dad, I got
the perfect thing.
106
00:06:01,986 --> 00:06:03,696
Mmm… mmm!
107
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,198
It feels like food,
108
00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:08,284
but it has
no flavor whatsoever!
109
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,912
It's mac and cheese
from the school cafeteria:
110
00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:13,331
the blandest food
known to man.
111
00:06:13,414 --> 00:06:14,317
What else do they got?
112
00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:16,793
Tofu cubes, tidy Joes,
113
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,461
chili con cottage cheese,
114
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:20,296
ooh, pecan blandies,
115
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,298
cream of steam,
you guess 'ems…
116
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,925
Man, who comes up
with this stuff?
117
00:06:24,008 --> 00:06:25,259
Old comedy writers
118
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:26,636
who now have to work
at our kitchen.
119
00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:29,263
The one rule we had
on Charles In Charge,
120
00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:31,599
is Charles must
always be in charge.
121
00:06:31,682 --> 00:06:33,810
- Oh, yeah,
that makes sense to me.
-Hmm, good rule.
122
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:34,977
That's a great rule.
Great rule.
123
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:38,648
Lunch card.
124
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:40,191
- Lunch card.
- Don't have one.
125
00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:41,943
Dad, what are
you doing here?
126
00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:45,154
Son, from now on, I'm eating
all my meals here at school…
127
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,322
with you!
128
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:47,949
What? No!
129
00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:49,492
Oh, come on, relax.
130
00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:50,701
I won't embarrass you.
131
00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:52,829
$3.85.
132
00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:54,372
Uh…
133
00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:56,165
Can I work it off?
134
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,959
Don't worry,
I won't embarrass you.
135
00:06:58,042 --> 00:06:59,502
I'll start you on Jell-O.
136
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:04,757
* Oh, I'm big and yellow
and I'm servin' Jell-O *
137
00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:07,218
* If you're a fellow
and you want some Jell-O *
138
00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:08,594
* You better bellow *
139
00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:11,431
* "Hey, big guy,
give me some Jell-O." *
140
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:12,458
Up-bup-bup-bup.
141
00:07:12,473 --> 00:07:14,642
No Jell-O for you, Bart.
142
00:07:14,725 --> 00:07:16,352
It'll keep you up at night.
143
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:19,439
Like last week when you crawled
into bed with me and Mommy.
144
00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:23,359
Sure is hot back here.
145
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,736
And there we go.
146
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:27,655
Don't worry,
I won't embarrass you.
147
00:07:34,745 --> 00:07:36,956
I used to date
your daughter.
148
00:07:37,039 --> 00:07:38,291
Buddy, I'm here to eat,
149
00:07:38,374 --> 00:07:39,834
not make interesting
conversation.
150
00:07:39,917 --> 00:07:42,420
Dad, do you have
to hang out at my school?
151
00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:45,256
It's bad enough
I have to be here
three days a week.
152
00:07:45,339 --> 00:07:47,675
Well, I know when
I'm not wanted.
153
00:07:47,758 --> 00:07:49,051
Am I wanted?
154
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:50,303
No.
155
00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:53,264
Hi, Homer Simpson.
156
00:07:53,347 --> 00:07:55,391
Mind if I sit near
your son? Mine sucks.
157
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:58,144
Well, we certainly
are proud of Noah.
158
00:07:58,227 --> 00:07:59,520
He's a straight-A student.
159
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:01,063
Noah, state capitals:
160
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,607
alphabetical order,
on my clap!
161
00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:04,442
Albany! Annapolis!
162
00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:06,319
Atlanta! Augusta!
163
00:08:06,402 --> 00:08:08,362
Austin! Baton Rouge!
Bismarck!
164
00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,198
Boise! Boston!
165
00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:12,408
Capital City!
Carson City!
166
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,243
Wow!
167
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,287
He's terrified of you.
168
00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:17,413
That's why I'm here:
169
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,207
to make sure
he gets good grades.
170
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,501
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa…
you come to school
171
00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:23,586
to help him get good grades?
172
00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:25,713
Isn't that why we pay
public school teachers
173
00:08:25,796 --> 00:08:27,173
those enormous salaries?
174
00:08:27,256 --> 00:08:29,342
Well, call me
over-involved,
175
00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:32,512
but someday, your son
will be my son's chauffeur.
176
00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:35,890
Well, I hope your son enjoys
being driven around
177
00:08:35,973 --> 00:08:38,434
by the President
of the United States.
178
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,061
Really?
Let's see what
179
00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:41,854
the future president's
doing right now.
180
00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:50,446
Yeah…
181
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:53,157
You don't see many
presidents doing that.
182
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:55,284
Maybe L.B.J., you know,
at the end.
183
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,912
It's not your
son's fault, it's yours.
184
00:08:57,995 --> 00:08:59,539
You have to hover
over your kid's shoulder
185
00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:01,290
to force him to succeed.
186
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,042
It's called
"helicopter parenting."
187
00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:04,544
I don't have
to "helicopter" Bart.
188
00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:07,505
I've got a backup plan
called "Lisa."
189
00:09:07,588 --> 00:09:09,215
Oh, right,
your second grader.
190
00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:11,217
Sure, she's smart,
191
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:13,594
but how can she be successful
if she's not popular?
192
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:16,389
Um, do you mind
if I join you?
193
00:09:16,472 --> 00:09:18,349
Well, that depends.
What are you eating?
194
00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:20,810
Baked potato,
side salad and a…
195
00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:23,396
Well, we're having
cold shoulder.
196
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:28,276
Is this seat taken?
197
00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:30,111
No, go ahead, take it.
198
00:09:30,194 --> 00:09:31,654
Take it way over there.
199
00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:39,203
Oh, my God!
200
00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:42,790
My son's a loser
and my daughter's a loner!
201
00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:44,333
Way to go, Marge!
202
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:48,921
Marge, where have you been?
203
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,840
Well, I, uh…
204
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,633
No time. I'll just deduce
where you were
205
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:54,844
from a list
of possibilities in my head.
206
00:09:57,346 --> 00:09:58,332
That makes sense.
207
00:09:58,347 --> 00:09:59,599
Moving on.
208
00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:01,517
If we don't get more
involved in their lives,
209
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,436
Bart and Lisa are
going to be failures.
210
00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:05,980
Failures who
work for… Noah!
211
00:10:06,063 --> 00:10:08,774
"Noah." I like that name.
212
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:11,319
No-ahhh.
213
00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:13,529
Noah. Noah!
214
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,406
Aren't you the one who
usually worries about stuff?
215
00:10:15,489 --> 00:10:17,199
Am I?
216
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,619
If Marge doesn't
worry about the kids,
217
00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:20,953
then that leaves…
218
00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:22,413
me!
219
00:10:22,496 --> 00:10:23,998
Help me, mayonnaise!
220
00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:35,509
(Homer hums "Columbia,
the Gem of the Ocean"
221
00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:38,012
Look at all these
helicopter parents.
222
00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:39,764
I hope Bart's doing okay
on his own.
223
00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:45,895
* La-la, la-la,
la-la-la-la-la. *
224
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:48,439
There's no future in that!
225
00:10:48,522 --> 00:10:50,024
Don't forget, children,
226
00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:52,068
Monday is the balsa-wood
model-building competition.
227
00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:54,445
The American Balsa Council
will award this year's winner
228
00:10:54,528 --> 00:10:58,282
a $1,000 savings bond
for their college education.
229
00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,785
A thousand dollars?!
230
00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:02,411
That's what
my house is worth!
231
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,580
Bart Simpson,
what will you be making?
232
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,625
I don't know.
233
00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:11,629
Time to take control
of my son's life.
234
00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:12,712
Let's see.
235
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:15,132
What can he build?
236
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:17,510
Eh… too obvious.
237
00:11:20,137 --> 00:11:21,722
Got to be something
from Earth.
238
00:11:23,432 --> 00:11:24,725
You're no help.
239
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:27,645
Perfect!
240
00:11:32,983 --> 00:11:34,777
"The Washington Monument"?
241
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:38,030
Hmm, Washington Monument.
242
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,865
I like Bart's idea.
243
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,075
You're not in this class.
244
00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:42,660
Willie swept me in here.
245
00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:44,328
My mistake.
246
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:47,915
I did it!
247
00:11:47,998 --> 00:11:49,125
I helped my son!
248
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,293
Helicopter Homer away!
249
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:55,840
Black Hawk down!
Black Hawk down!
250
00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:57,550
Lisa, I found this book
251
00:11:57,633 --> 00:11:58,718
in the "What's Wrong
With My Daughter"
252
00:11:58,801 --> 00:11:59,927
section of the bookstore.
253
00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:02,304
It tells you
how you can get popular.
254
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:05,349
Dad, if I join a clique, I'll
be the kind of person I hate.
255
00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:07,727
Sweetie, our country was
founded by a clique:
256
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,562
the Continental Congress.
257
00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:10,980
Dolphins swim in cliques.
258
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:12,982
Those are my two examples.
259
00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:15,151
Hmm, well,
they are good ones.
260
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:17,445
And to show you
how this book works,
261
00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:19,947
I will demonstrate
on some rats.
262
00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:27,705
Let's try what chapter seven
calls "Un-sults,"
263
00:12:27,788 --> 00:12:30,499
insults disguised
as compliments.
264
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:31,751
Hey, Lenny.
265
00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:35,129
It takes a lot of courage
to wear suspenders
266
00:12:35,212 --> 00:12:36,881
when you're
not in the circus.
267
00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:38,716
Well that's very
nice of you…
268
00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:41,343
Hey! You saying my
clothes are clown-like?
269
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,137
Oh, God, I feel
so insecure.
270
00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:44,805
Please be my friend.
271
00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:46,307
See, it works.
272
00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:47,558
And un-sults are
just the beginning.
273
00:12:47,641 --> 00:12:49,435
There's also envy-tations,
274
00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:52,396
hate-hugs, spamming
with faint praise and…
275
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,399
Hey, everyone,
want to go get frozen yogurt?
276
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,694
Ooh, I'm sorry, Moe.
277
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,613
I didn't mean
"everyone" everyone.
278
00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:02,281
Hope you don't mind.
279
00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:03,741
Uh, no, uh,
that's all right.
280
00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:11,123
If I didn't sell booze,
281
00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:13,626
they probably wouldn't
even come here!
282
00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:19,632
And that, my dear girl,
is called the Toledo Take-back.
283
00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:22,134
Dad, I don't want to hurt
people's feelings.
284
00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:23,594
I see.
285
00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:26,055
Well, maybe you're not
ready for this book.
286
00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:28,974
It is more of
a big girl thing.
287
00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:30,684
I'm a big girl!
I'm a big girl!
288
00:13:33,437 --> 00:13:35,397
Hmm!
289
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,650
One of you said something
bad about the other.
290
00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:39,652
- He did?!
- He did?!
291
00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:47,910
Son, you buy an awful
lot of airplane glue,
292
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:49,411
but you never
buy any models.
293
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,747
Oh, uh, right, models.
294
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:54,625
One Messerschmitt M.E. 262,
295
00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:57,253
a '67 S.S. G.T.O.,
an Alfred E. Neuman
296
00:13:57,336 --> 00:13:59,046
with interchangeable arms…
297
00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:07,680
We'd like some
balsa wood, please.
298
00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:09,682
Enough to build
a Washington Monument.
299
00:14:09,765 --> 00:14:11,475
What scale
are you using?
300
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:12,726
What cologne
are you wearing?
301
00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:14,061
None of your business!
302
00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:15,521
Now we'd like
our Washington Monument
303
00:14:15,604 --> 00:14:18,315
to be 1/500
the size of the real one.
304
00:14:19,775 --> 00:14:20,985
Washington Monument?
305
00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:22,403
Aren't you going
to even try?
306
00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:24,405
What do you mean?
And who are you?
307
00:14:24,488 --> 00:14:25,656
I'm your son's principal.
308
00:14:25,739 --> 00:14:26,740
And the Washington Monument
309
00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:29,243
is the most uninspired
model choice there is.
310
00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:31,871
It's like saying, "I don't care.
My kid's a loser."
311
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,789
But! You…
312
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,624
What's the hardest
model there is?
313
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,794
Hmm, that would be
Westminster Abbey.
314
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:42,631
Attention parents, children
and childless weirdoes!
315
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,842
My son and I
are going to build…
316
00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:46,927
Westminster Abbey!
317
00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:48,721
You've got to be crazy!
318
00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:50,723
Prepare to be frustrated!
319
00:14:50,806 --> 00:14:52,892
You won't get past
the north transept!
320
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:54,560
Hey, how hard can it be?
321
00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:56,687
All we have to do is
follow the directions.
322
00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:09,992
Marge, the boy and I will be
making Westminster Abbey.
323
00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:12,119
Blabby's gonna build an Abbey.
324
00:15:12,202 --> 00:15:13,662
Groovy.
325
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,040
But first, as part
of Operation Popularity,
326
00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:17,833
Lisa and I are hosting
327
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,793
a decorate-your-own-cell-phone
party in the back yard.
328
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,254
Brittany and Kaitlin are here!
329
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:23,964
Where's my spray-on tan?!
330
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,052
"Ant poison"?
331
00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:33,265
Oh, why do I always
read the labels after?
332
00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:34,892
Ladies, we've got it all.
333
00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:36,852
Rhinestones,
stickers, tassels…
334
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:39,313
Everything to make those
hundred-dollar phones
335
00:15:39,396 --> 00:15:40,856
look like five-dollar toys.
336
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,651
Lisa, this party
is twisted!
337
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:44,777
You're fierce!
338
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:47,655
I've never been
called "fierce" before.
339
00:15:47,738 --> 00:15:48,739
"Strident."
340
00:15:48,822 --> 00:15:51,033
"Hectoring" has been
tossed around.
341
00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:53,369
Let me take a picture
of you for my cell phone.
342
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:54,912
I'll put you
on my desktop!
343
00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:56,664
I'm going to make you
my friend on Facebook.
344
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:58,332
- Please confirm.
- Confirm.
345
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,882
I am such a great parent
to both my kids.
346
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,634
Hello, little girl.
347
00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:10,219
Who do you belong to?
348
00:16:12,262 --> 00:16:15,557
Hey, boy, why don't
I do that for you?
349
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:17,810
Isn't this supposed to be
my project?
350
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:20,145
All the other parents
are doing it for their kids.
351
00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:22,815
Now stand back
and I'll take it from here.
352
00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:25,192
A little further back.
353
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:27,945
Do you want me
to watch and learn?
354
00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:29,279
Naw, that kind
of creeps me out.
355
00:16:32,199 --> 00:16:34,118
Must finish Poet's Corner
356
00:16:34,201 --> 00:16:37,788
or Bart will work for Noah
with his hot mom.
357
00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:47,965
Oh, that's not Henry the
Seventh, it's Henry the Sixth!
358
00:16:48,048 --> 00:16:49,258
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
359
00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:50,884
Homer.
360
00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:53,971
Don't give up till you finish
my dear Abbey.
361
00:16:54,054 --> 00:16:55,848
Geoffrey Chaucer?!
362
00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:58,017
- What are you doing here?
- Well, I'm buried here.
363
00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:59,560
And I want to tell you,
364
00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:01,186
you're right to do all
Bart's work for him.
365
00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:03,355
It's the best thing
for the boy.
366
00:17:03,439 --> 00:17:05,357
That's terrible advice.
367
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:06,608
Anne of Cleves!
368
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:07,943
What you do for your son,
369
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,987
he'll never learn
to do for himself.
370
00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:13,115
Oh, and where is this
delightful boy?
371
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:14,533
Oscar Wilde?
372
00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:17,786
Homer, there are only
two tragedies in life:
373
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,663
one is not getting
what one wants,
374
00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:21,457
and the other
is getting it.
375
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:23,208
But that makes no sense.
376
00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:25,044
"Experience" is
simply the name
377
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:26,837
we give to our mistakes.
378
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,464
Shut up!
379
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:30,966
These days, man knows
the price of everything
380
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,093
and the value of nothing.
381
00:17:33,177 --> 00:17:35,888
Whatever happened to "boo"?
382
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:51,070
Now we could smash
the real Westminster Abbey
383
00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:52,863
so it looks like this.
384
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:59,244
Oh, there are no flights
to London till 5:00.
385
00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:01,163
Welcome to Springfield
Elementary's
386
00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:02,456
Next Top Model…
387
00:18:02,539 --> 00:18:04,875
building contest.
388
00:18:04,958 --> 00:18:07,169
Kenny, he said your show.
389
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:09,171
Oh, I watched it once!
390
00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:10,464
Now, judges,
391
00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:11,965
start your nodding.
392
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,885
- Mm-hmm.
- Hmm…
393
00:18:14,968 --> 00:18:16,720
Mm-hmm.
394
00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,138
Flawless. Stunning.
395
00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:20,974
Awe-inspiring. Meticulous.
396
00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:29,108
Skinner!
397
00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:32,236
These models are clearly
the work of meddling parents.
398
00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:34,905
The only entry
that repels my eye enough
399
00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:38,033
to be constructed
by a student is this one.
400
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:39,868
Congratulations, son.
401
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:41,870
At least you
followed the rules.
402
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:45,040
Yes! Yes!
In your face, losers!
403
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,459
This helicopter is taking off!
404
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:49,336
No!
405
00:18:49,419 --> 00:18:50,879
Stop the hovering!
406
00:18:56,051 --> 00:18:58,137
I didn't make
this terrible model.
407
00:18:58,220 --> 00:18:59,220
My dad did.
408
00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:01,265
Why can't
you guys let us
409
00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:02,599
do things for ourselves?
410
00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:04,309
In the words of Oscar Wilde,
411
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:07,479
"Experience is simply the name
we give to our mistakes."
412
00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:08,981
I saw him too, Dad.
413
00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:11,942
I'm sorry.
I got carried away.
414
00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:14,444
From now on, the only
thing I'll ever do for you
415
00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:16,572
is cosign if you
want a gun.
416
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,240
At least I made
Lisa popular.
417
00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:22,786
"I H-8 this?" Huh?
418
00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:26,915
I'm sorry, Dad.
419
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:28,709
These girls are
nice on the surface,
420
00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:31,086
but it's hard work
staying this shallow.
421
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,796
I hope you understand.
422
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,923
Yeah, it's clear
to me now.
423
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:36,758
The best thing
I can do as a parent
424
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:39,052
is simply check out.
425
00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:40,721
No, there's
a middle ground.
426
00:19:40,804 --> 00:19:43,974
Lisa, a light bulb
is either on or it's off.
427
00:19:44,057 --> 00:19:46,018
Not if you use a dimmer switch.
428
00:19:46,101 --> 00:19:48,061
That's what
the dimmer switch companies
429
00:19:48,145 --> 00:19:50,063
want you to think.
430
00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:54,026
What's wrong, Homie?
431
00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:56,320
I tried to fix
the kids' lives,
432
00:19:56,403 --> 00:19:59,156
but instead I led them
to rich and rewarding
433
00:19:59,239 --> 00:20:01,200
personal decisions
of their own.
434
00:20:02,659 --> 00:20:05,078
Well, I know
a place in this house
435
00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:07,915
where you can really relax.
436
00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:10,209
The mattress the dog
sleeps on in the cellar?
437
00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:13,128
No, I gave that
to the homeless shelter.
438
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:15,130
Oh, it was stuffed
with cash!
439
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:18,800
Well, I'll make you
forget all about it.
440
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,805
Feeling better, Super Dad?
441
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,098
Oh, yeah.
442
00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:36,026
Oh, I feel like I've
died and gone to Hell.
443
00:20:44,117 --> 00:20:47,746
* The Simpsons *
444
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:35,294
Enhanced by Fotokem