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♪The Simpsons *
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It's dark!
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Hey!
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Whoa.
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D'oh!
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♪♪
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♪♪
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You've fallen right
into my trap,
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just like you did in Africa.
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Krusty, there you are.
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We've got business
to discuss.
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First off,
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we got big problems
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with your talking
home pregnancy tests.
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Hey-hey, you're pregnant
and it's not mine!
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It's giving 20%
false "hey-heys."
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Oh, okay, uh, repackage them
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as coffee stirrers and sell
them in the Philippines.
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Genius.
Now, another issue:
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Studies show
your Krusty Burger
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is the unhealthiest fast-food
item in the world.
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Worse than
the Double Krusty Burger?
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Somehow, yes.
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Okay, here's what we do.
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What's that food we never
put in any of our meals?
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- Vegetables?
- Yeah, those guys.
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Find the cheapest one,
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and make a burger out of it.
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Then throw it in a green
wrapper and double the price.
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And say it's got
none of those, uh,
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what are those unhealthy
he-she sounding things?
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Uh, trans fats?
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That's it!
And while you're in there,
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spray a little nicotine juice
on the kids' meals.
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Get 'em hooked.
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Coming up on:
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It was worth it
to be on TV!
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Put our dying screams
in the promo!
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You know, kids,
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the real drowningest
catch is man.
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It's a new world out there.
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People care about their health,
for some reason.
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We know times have changed.
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And we at Krusty Burger want
to take advantage of that.
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Introducing…
the Mother Nature Burger.
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Made from 100%
wheat-fed barley.
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And now to take a yummy bite.
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Mmm… tastes like
a healthy future.
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We're going
to Krusty Burger!
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Finally, a hamburger
for the Hindus.
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By the tusks of great Ganesh,
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now no one can tell
I am not American.
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Look at me!
I'm saving the Earth!
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Where's my Nobel Prize?
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What's wrong, old friend?
Can't sleep?
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Aww.
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Would some warm beer
settle you down?
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Uh-oh.
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Those barley burgers
were tainted!
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Why did I eat 12 of them? Why?!
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Taken!
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Occupied!
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Hurling!
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Uh-oh.
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Attention, students,
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due to the recent
queasiness,
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both the Presidential
Ab-Crunch Challenge
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and the Sloppy Joe-A-Thon
have been cancelled.
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Skinner!
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If I die,
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- I want you to take over…
- Really?
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…the search committee
for a new superintendent.
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Mm…
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Just hold my head and say
soothing things.
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Third-grade math scores
are holding steady.
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Ah, yes…
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The food poisoning
has been traced
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to a single ingredient:
tainted barley.
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And where does that
barley come from?
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Our neighbor to the southeast,
Ogdenville.
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The state's barley basket
since it was settled
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100 years ago,
by Norwegian immigrants.
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I'm here with barley farmer
Brendlf Jensen. Brendlf?
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What happened is,
a big ol' rat got caught up
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in the grinders there, so my
wife, Dagny, took a hose to it.
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And, uh, it's all
cleaned out now.
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So you're guaranteeing
it's safe
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to eat Ogdenville barley
once more?
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Well, where there's barley,
there's rats, you know.
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Now, when will you
be starting the interview?
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That just went out live.
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Well, then we're screwed.
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Dad, are you sure you can
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put in these new rain
gutters all by yourself?
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Eh, maybe you're right.
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I do have a bad history
of going up on roofs
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and waking up in hospitals.
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Perhaps we could be
of help, don't you know.
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Ogdenvillians?
Work on my house?
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Ja. Ever since
the barley bust,
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the only work we can get
is day labor.
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We don't mind it.
Work is work.
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I like your can-do attitude!
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And your facial hair screams
rugged but reliable.
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You won't regret this, sir.
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You hear that, Bart?
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He called me "sir."
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That means he knows
I'm better than him.
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Nicely done, guys.
Lemonade?
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A lemon version
of barley-ade?
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When in Springfield…
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Oh, don't that glug
down right good then.
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Oh, ja, almost as good
as barley-ade.
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- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, ja. Oh, ja.
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You know, I'm glad
you've come here
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to take all the jobs
we don't want to do.
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Can't have too much
of a good thing.
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You fellas, too, come on!
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♪♪
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So, Inga, this is our kitchen.
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Did you have kitchens
back in Ogdenville?
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Ja, before the dark days
fell on my people
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and we lost everything.
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Great! So you know your way
around a blender.
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Okay, so if the dog's
in the house,
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don't let Grampa in
and vice versa.
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Our neighbor, Ned Flanders,
drops by unexpectedly.
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- That I do!
- But he doesn't stay long.
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No, I don't!
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Kids, this is Inga,
your new nanny.
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A nanny? Whoo-hoo!
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Mom says I can have ice cream
for breakfast.
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Oh, she's still here.
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Mom, can I have
ice cream for breakfast?
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No way, mister.
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It's just chocolate chip
pancakes and syrup for you.
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Inga, I'll be happy
to eat whatever you make.
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Maggie, now you have a nanny.
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Just like the ones
Joe Piscopo
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and Ethan Hawke
left their wives for.
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But hands off my Homie.
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Hands off the Homie.
Got it.
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Sorry. Sometimes she's nervous
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around new people.
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Actually,
she's just gassy.
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A little lingonberry oil
under the tongue will clear it
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right up.
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That's amazing!
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Now I feel bad about
calling your references.
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So Selma,
how did you meet?
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I hired Torbjorn, here,
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to kill some moles
in my garden.
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And, well, one thing
led to another…
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Ja, she has the same
beautiful face
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as my great-uncle Magnus
when he lay in the coffin
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after his trolley
accident.
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Gee, this
Ogdenville influx
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has been great
for everybody.
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Yeah, talk about taking jobs
Springfield don't want!
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Hey, Homer,
your blubber
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- would light our lamps
for a year.
-D'oh!
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I zing the oaf good?
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You zing the oaf great.
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Minnesota Vikings apparel?!
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This is Tennessee Titans
country!
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Waah!
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Uff da!
So many meters.
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Step aside, Nor-wads.
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Watch how the natives ride sky.
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Three hours and we still
can't see a doctor?!
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It's 'cause it's filled
with all these Nor-wads.
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They even sneeze funny.
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A-fer-gan-nerkin!
A-fer-gan-nerkin!
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We're out of English forms.
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You'll have to fill out
a Norwegian one.
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I can't read this
sloopy-bloopy writing.
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Typical… foreigners
clogging up the system.
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I hurt my back unclogging
your septic system.
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Sven, can you stop
by tomorrow?
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- It's clogged again.
- Ja.
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Come on, Bart.
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We'll take care
of you at home.
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Na-chin-na-hart!
Na-chin-na-hart!
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Oh great, I
caught their cold.
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Okay, Bart.
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Now bite down on the
rubber dog bone, and…
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Mm!
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Thanks, Mom.
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Now, how did this
happen again?
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It wasn't my fault. I swear.
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A couple of barleyjerks
dared me to.
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Yeah, well, I'm starting
to wonder if this town
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wasn't better off before all
these immigrants showed up.
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I'd just like to remind you
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00:12:10,354 --> 00:12:12,273
that we were all immigrants
at one time.
196
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Well, you were a baby once.
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00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,818
Does that mean you still
like milk and hugs?
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Yes, I'd like both right now.
199
00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:23,617
Hey, this is all right.
200
00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:30,416
Look at them barleyjacks,
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celebrating another one
of their stupid holidays.
202
00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:35,087
Hey, I ain't got no
problem with them.
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00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:37,006
They pay in cash,
they keep it clean,
204
00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:39,341
and their mythology is
rich and enchanting.
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00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:42,428
Yeah, and the redhead one
said today's the day
Woden gave the herring
206
00:12:42,511 --> 00:12:45,306
the greatest gift of all:
its fishy taste.
207
00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:47,641
Hey, Moe, what is that
hoity-toity beer
they're drinking?
208
00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:49,310
Oh, I don't sell
beer no more.
209
00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:50,686
I only serve Aquavit,
210
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,105
the Norwegian caraway-scented
liqueur.
211
00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:55,608
Wait a minute. You're selling
Barleyjack booze?
212
00:12:55,691 --> 00:12:57,109
How could you, Moe?!
213
00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:59,278
Hey, it's all about
the King Haralds.
214
00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:05,451
Well, since it's all you've got,
215
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:07,286
give me a mug of that
Aquavit stuff.
216
00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:09,371
Better go slow there, friend.
217
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:12,416
That stuff will open up a can
of "oh my goodness" on you.
218
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,376
I think I can handle it.
219
00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:21,342
Hey, where'd that Homer guy go?
220
00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:25,262
More Aquavit, please.
221
00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:30,559
Farfegnugen…
222
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:31,977
You're late. And drunk.
223
00:13:32,061 --> 00:13:33,103
Shut up.
224
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:35,272
You lost your job?
225
00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:36,440
It's not my fault.
226
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:38,734
Those Ogdenville guys plied me
227
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,820
with their native liqueurs
and liquors.
228
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:42,738
But mostly liqueurs.
229
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,740
Oh, poor Homie.
230
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,243
And you with
your alcoholism.
231
00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:48,410
Yeah.
232
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:53,457
I propose that no Ogdenvillian
be allowed
233
00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:55,084
within the city limits
of Springfield.
234
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:57,336
I share your xylophobia.
235
00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:58,963
Dad, you mean xenophobia.
236
00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:01,340
Xylophobia would be
a fear of xylophones.
237
00:14:01,423 --> 00:14:03,551
I am afraid of xylophones.
238
00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:06,345
It's the music you hear
when skeletons are dancing.
239
00:14:06,428 --> 00:14:07,763
Very well.
240
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,683
Springfield will ban
immigrants and xylophones.
241
00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:12,393
All in favor, say "Aye."
242
00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:13,561
Aye!
243
00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:16,188
The border is now closed.
244
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:19,525
You'll never take my xylophone.
245
00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:22,111
Notes, don't fail me now.
246
00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:28,117
There's one, Chief.
247
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,660
Well, he's too far, Lou.
248
00:14:29,743 --> 00:14:30,743
That's not fair.
249
00:14:30,786 --> 00:14:31,871
There's another.
250
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,497
He's on a bike, Lou.
251
00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:34,581
So?
252
00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:35,916
So what am I, Superman?
253
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,877
Well, there's one coming
between your legs.
254
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,336
- Where?
- There! Now!
255
00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:41,297
Right now, look
between your legs!
256
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:42,548
I don't… Oh, oh yeah.
257
00:14:42,631 --> 00:14:45,217
Oh, ow, ow…
No, he's too fast.
258
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,427
It's hopeless, Lou.
259
00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:48,053
We can't handle this.
260
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,513
We need help
patrolling the border.
261
00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:51,640
I mean, Springfield
only has three cops.
262
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,767
Yeah. And Eddie's laid up
'cause of his gout.
263
00:14:56,812 --> 00:15:00,024
Yep. Eddie loves
his lobster and port wine,
264
00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:01,483
but it comes with a price.
265
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:05,404
Excuse me. Do you have to pay
to get in, or…?
266
00:15:05,487 --> 00:15:07,489
No, no, no,
it's free, it's free.
267
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:10,200
Maybe we can ask private
citizens to guard the border.
268
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:12,620
Yeah, you know, vigilantes
who would agree to do our job
269
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:14,371
for the adrenaline rush
270
00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:16,206
that comes from having
a tiny taste of authority
271
00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:17,499
over your fellow man.
272
00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:25,132
And all we're paying 'em
is bullets and beer.
273
00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:36,435
I almost made a big mistake.
274
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:48,155
Men, our negative energy
has been harnessed
275
00:15:48,238 --> 00:15:50,783
to help keep Springfield's
borders secure
276
00:15:50,866 --> 00:15:51,951
from Ogdenvillians.
277
00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:54,286
But first, our group
needs a name
278
00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:56,538
that evokes America's proud
history of citizens rising up
279
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,165
to defend our way of life.
280
00:15:58,248 --> 00:15:59,541
The Klan?
281
00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:02,503
Well, there are no bad ideas,
but let's keep trying.
282
00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:03,629
The Nazis?
283
00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:05,506
Okay, you stop trying.
284
00:16:05,589 --> 00:16:07,716
Hey, how about
the Star-Spangled Goofballs?
285
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,718
Mm! Goofballs it is!
286
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,512
I'll float above the border,
287
00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:13,555
and radio the location
of illegals down to you.
288
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,641
My code name will be
"Screaming Eagle."
289
00:16:15,724 --> 00:16:17,601
Yours will be "Ground Losers."
290
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,853
- What a fun day.
- This is gonna be good.
291
00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:21,939
Release the sandbags.
292
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,276
Hey, why don't you
let Carl and me try?
293
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,529
Okay, you guys get in
as I get off.
294
00:16:32,199 --> 00:16:33,283
This is Ground Loser.
295
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:34,451
What's your position?
296
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:35,521
Over.
297
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:37,871
C-c-cold.
298
00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:39,498
S-s-so very cold.
299
00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:45,629
I'm sorry to say that this
poorly-conceived patrol
300
00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:47,965
carried out by a group
of rank amateurs
301
00:16:48,048 --> 00:16:49,591
has somehow been a failure.
302
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,927
Those Barleyjacks are crafty.
303
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,263
One of 'em handcuffed me
to this tree.
304
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:55,597
That's not a tree, Chief.
305
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:56,682
That's a street sign.
306
00:16:56,765 --> 00:16:57,933
You just looped
your belt around it
307
00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,560
when you were
changing your pants.
308
00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:02,479
Okay, I'm hearing lots of
problems, but no solutions.
309
00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:05,482
This immigration problem
is bigger than we thought.
310
00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:08,527
We need a way to keep these
people out of our community.
311
00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:11,030
What can we do to keep
one group of people
312
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,157
away from another
group of people?
313
00:17:16,326 --> 00:17:17,494
Why you little…!
314
00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:18,746
I'll kill you!
315
00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:23,667
That's it:
we'll build a fence.
316
00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:26,545
Fence! Fence! Fence! Fence!
317
00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:30,507
Homie, I don't think we
should build a fence.
318
00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:33,010
Haven't we always taught
the children to make friends
319
00:17:33,093 --> 00:17:34,970
with those who are
a little different?
320
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,138
- Yes.
- Yeah.
321
00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:38,348
Ja!
322
00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:39,683
Ja, ja!
323
00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:43,395
Maggie's first words
are in Ogdenvillese!
324
00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:44,897
Now do you see, Marge?
325
00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:47,316
Now do you see why
we must build that fence?
326
00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:48,942
Build it, Homie!
327
00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:51,528
Make it as tall as the sky
and deeper than hell.
328
00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:52,654
Ja! Ja!
329
00:17:56,283 --> 00:17:59,411
All right, who here knows
how to build a wall?
330
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:01,705
I know how to hire guys
to build a wall.
331
00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:03,207
Such as?
332
00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:05,334
The Barleyjacks?
333
00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:07,669
Okay, they can help us
build the wall,
334
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:09,171
because they're good at it,
335
00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:11,215
but then those good-for-nothings
have to go.
336
00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:13,842
Yeah, get 'em out of here!
337
00:18:23,727 --> 00:18:27,022
So my girlfriend puts all
these pillows on the bed.
338
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,483
And you have to like take
them all off at night
339
00:18:29,566 --> 00:18:31,735
and put them all back
on every morning.
340
00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:34,029
And if the little one is
in back of the big one,
341
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:35,447
oh, God help you.
342
00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:37,783
Ja, and they always
want the cat
343
00:18:37,866 --> 00:18:39,910
to sleep in bed with you.
344
00:18:39,993 --> 00:18:41,286
Exactly.
345
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:45,624
I had trouble finding
a four-button cardigan,
346
00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:47,126
so I bought a three-button one
347
00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:48,627
and sewed the extra
button on myself.
348
00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:50,379
Hm! This baby was
a five-buttoner,
349
00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:52,673
but I took a button off.
350
00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:54,800
Maybe we're not
so different, Sven.
351
00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:56,051
Ja, maybe so.
352
00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:01,306
You know, if you put down
an acrylic primer,
353
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:02,891
your satiric drawing
354
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,269
and its clever stinklines
will be there
355
00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:07,187
long after your principal
is gone.
356
00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:09,398
The guy at the store
said it didn't matter,
357
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:10,691
but I knew he was wrong.
358
00:19:10,774 --> 00:19:11,774
Thanks, man.
359
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,969
Sure is quiet around here.
360
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:40,998
Do ya miss us?
361
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,431
Ja, we miss you.
362
00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:43,724
That's why we build
the door.
363
00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:45,934
Oh, we did miss you.
364
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:48,770
We missed your kindness,
your hard work,
365
00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:51,231
your sweet plainspoken ways.
366
00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:52,733
What are you Barleyjacks
waiting for?
367
00:19:52,816 --> 00:19:54,401
Get in here!
368
00:19:54,484 --> 00:19:56,820
We'd be more than pleased
to join you donut-dunkers.
369
00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:11,043
All right, boys,
round 'em up…
370
00:20:11,126 --> 00:20:14,379
and throw them the swingingest
soirée they've ever seen!
371
00:21:22,864 --> 00:21:24,866
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