1 00:00:17,247 --> 00:00:20,375 This is a 1908 first edition Model T, 2 00:00:20,458 --> 00:00:22,544 with a 30-inch pneumatic clincher. 3 00:00:22,627 --> 00:00:26,798 A top speed of 42 miles per hour, and an outmoded nickel crank. 4 00:00:26,881 --> 00:00:31,135 Speaking of outmoded cranks, here's the owner, C. Montgomery Burns. 5 00:00:31,219 --> 00:00:35,014 You'll have to pry this car from my cold, dead hand. 6 00:00:36,224 --> 00:00:38,059 Hmm. Well done. 7 00:00:38,142 --> 00:00:42,146 All that for today's episode of Comedians in Cars Kvetching. 8 00:00:42,230 --> 00:00:44,524 With my guest Krusty the Clown. 9 00:00:44,607 --> 00:00:46,568 Today's colleges are too PC. 10 00:00:46,651 --> 00:00:49,279 Don't get me started on today's colleges. 11 00:00:49,362 --> 00:00:53,992 Apparently, college kids don't dig my Ho Chi Minnow character anymore. 12 00:00:54,075 --> 00:00:57,578 What's not to like? It's a communist fish! 13 00:00:57,662 --> 00:01:00,498 Oh, I wish I could do drivel like you, Jerry. 14 00:01:00,581 --> 00:01:03,501 Drivel. Funny word. What's the plural? "Drivelous"? 15 00:01:04,669 --> 00:01:08,006 That looks like you'll be jaywalking home. 16 00:01:08,089 --> 00:01:12,051 Every time a rich comedian runs out of ideas, he does a car show. 17 00:01:14,095 --> 00:01:16,931 Oh, no. It's Carpool Karaoke. 18 00:01:23,855 --> 00:01:26,774 Yawn. Everything is so "drivelous". 19 00:01:26,858 --> 00:01:28,067 Farmers. 20 00:01:28,735 --> 00:01:29,944 Bazinga'd out. 21 00:01:30,028 --> 00:01:31,821 Too much sleaze. 22 00:01:31,904 --> 00:01:33,656 Too many fleas. 23 00:01:33,740 --> 00:01:35,992 We never watch what I wanna watch. 24 00:01:36,075 --> 00:01:37,994 Okay. What do you want to watch? 25 00:01:38,077 --> 00:01:40,121 Oh. I didn't think I'd get my way. 26 00:01:40,204 --> 00:01:42,957 So much pressure. 27 00:01:43,041 --> 00:01:46,544 Okay. Scanning through 1000 channels and… 28 00:01:47,628 --> 00:01:48,713 nothing good. 29 00:01:48,796 --> 00:01:52,717 Mom, maybe you could tell a story about us when we were younger. 30 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:57,430 Um, we've done that a few times. Not sure what stories are left. 31 00:01:57,513 --> 00:02:00,558 Maggie's first tooth, Grampa's last tooth, 32 00:02:00,641 --> 00:02:03,936 the time Homer thought he invented stuffed crust pizza. 33 00:02:04,020 --> 00:02:05,605 I did invent it. 34 00:02:05,688 --> 00:02:08,649 I'm the Thomas Edison of stuffing things with cheese. 35 00:02:08,733 --> 00:02:09,901 Including yourself. 36 00:02:09,984 --> 00:02:11,736 Why you, little. 37 00:02:11,819 --> 00:02:16,741 Your primitive strangling is no match for fireplace tongs. 38 00:02:24,332 --> 00:02:26,459 We just made some memories, boy. 39 00:02:30,213 --> 00:02:32,840 Well, at least we used the fireplace for once. 40 00:02:32,924 --> 00:02:35,051 And this does remind me of a story. 41 00:02:35,134 --> 00:02:38,304 It's a story of a very sad time, 42 00:02:38,388 --> 00:02:43,685 a time when we thought Bart might be a truly bad boy. 43 00:02:43,768 --> 00:02:45,144 It was four years ago. 44 00:02:45,228 --> 00:02:50,066 Bart was six, and Homer was gently reading little Lisa to sleep. 45 00:02:51,442 --> 00:02:55,405 "The scared little bird walked up to the steam shovel. 46 00:02:55,488 --> 00:02:57,990 Are you my mother? Asked the bird. 47 00:02:58,074 --> 00:03:00,660 The steam shovel said, snort!" 48 00:03:03,663 --> 00:03:05,415 This story is terrifying. 49 00:03:05,498 --> 00:03:08,543 Okay, fine. We'll read a totally not scary book 50 00:03:08,626 --> 00:03:12,588 about two lost children about to be eaten by a witch. 51 00:03:14,090 --> 00:03:17,677 Witches, steam shovels, empty pants. 52 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,346 One more thing and I'm gonna scream. 53 00:03:20,430 --> 00:03:22,473 I caught a frog, I caught a frog. 54 00:03:22,557 --> 00:03:24,016 Ooh. Where did he go? 55 00:03:28,938 --> 00:03:30,523 What's going on in there? 56 00:03:30,606 --> 00:03:32,400 Boy, quit scaring your sister. 57 00:03:34,444 --> 00:03:38,281 I still have nightmares about that frog. Thanks a lot, Bart. 58 00:03:38,364 --> 00:03:40,825 Hey, my life was great before you came along. 59 00:03:40,908 --> 00:03:43,536 - I didn't ask to be born. - Yes, you did. 60 00:03:43,619 --> 00:03:45,913 - No, I didn't. - Did, did, did. 61 00:03:45,997 --> 00:03:48,916 Kids, kids, you're both unwanted. 62 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:50,918 Now, let's get back to the story. 63 00:03:51,002 --> 00:03:52,962 What creates a misbehaver? 64 00:03:53,045 --> 00:03:58,217 In some cases, it could be a father who is occasionally inconsiderate. 65 00:03:59,385 --> 00:04:01,053 Saying Homer was occasionally inconsiderate 66 00:04:01,137 --> 00:04:03,598 is like saying Shamu is sometimes a whale. 67 00:04:03,681 --> 00:04:05,892 Did you know there were nine different Shamus? 68 00:04:05,975 --> 00:04:10,104 I'd rank 'em this way six, five, two, three... 69 00:04:10,188 --> 00:04:12,565 We're not ranking Shamus again. 70 00:04:12,648 --> 00:04:17,069 I'll just conclude by saying, a whale in captivity just lasts a week. 71 00:04:17,153 --> 00:04:19,947 It's a good week. Except for the last two hours. 72 00:04:20,031 --> 00:04:24,869 As I was saying, sometimes your father even forgot you were there. 73 00:04:30,666 --> 00:04:33,753 Mmm. Carrot. 74 00:04:33,836 --> 00:04:37,298 Homer, there's someone else here who might have wanted that cookie. 75 00:04:37,381 --> 00:04:38,800 Aw. Sorry, boy. 76 00:04:39,550 --> 00:04:41,385 Ew. Carrot. 77 00:04:43,554 --> 00:04:45,598 You know, the more I think about it, Homie, 78 00:04:45,681 --> 00:04:49,185 I think you may be a disconnected parent. 79 00:04:49,268 --> 00:04:50,728 Me disconnected? 80 00:04:54,899 --> 00:04:59,403 Listen, buster, if you don't bond with him soon, we're gonna have problems. 81 00:04:59,487 --> 00:05:03,074 Whenever you call me buster, it means something is really bad. 82 00:05:03,157 --> 00:05:05,159 That's right, mister. 83 00:05:05,243 --> 00:05:06,786 Mister is worse than buster. 84 00:05:07,495 --> 00:05:09,372 Since we're having trouble communicating, 85 00:05:09,455 --> 00:05:12,291 we'll use this whiteboard to tell each other how we feel. 86 00:05:12,375 --> 00:05:15,628 But even when Homer tried to help, it didn't help. 87 00:05:19,590 --> 00:05:21,717 Your turn, boy. Write how you feel. 88 00:05:21,801 --> 00:05:23,177 - I... - No, no, no, no. 89 00:05:23,261 --> 00:05:26,764 You're not supposed to use that hand. Try again, Son. 90 00:05:29,809 --> 00:05:30,810 Still wrong. 91 00:05:31,352 --> 00:05:32,353 Hey! 92 00:05:33,062 --> 00:05:35,147 This is the hand I wanna use. 93 00:05:35,857 --> 00:05:40,820 This is the hand the world wants you to use. Listen to the world. 94 00:05:40,903 --> 00:05:41,946 Never! 95 00:05:46,367 --> 00:05:50,288 Repeat after me: "Right is right." 96 00:05:50,371 --> 00:05:51,581 Right is wrong! 97 00:05:53,207 --> 00:05:56,252 It's so hard being a good father. 98 00:05:56,335 --> 00:05:59,755 How did people raise kids before duct tape? 99 00:05:59,839 --> 00:06:01,841 It got to where all Bart could think about 100 00:06:01,924 --> 00:06:03,926 was how mad he was at Homer. 101 00:06:08,556 --> 00:06:12,810 Great news! The doctor says I'm not stupid like everyone thinks. 102 00:06:12,894 --> 00:06:14,812 I just needed glasses. 103 00:06:20,401 --> 00:06:23,905 Bet you didn't see that coming. Ha-ha! 104 00:06:24,864 --> 00:06:29,994 Ha-ha? I've never said that before. It's beautiful. 105 00:06:30,995 --> 00:06:32,079 Ha-ha! 106 00:06:32,872 --> 00:06:34,081 Ha-ha! 107 00:06:34,749 --> 00:06:35,958 Ha-ha! 108 00:06:36,042 --> 00:06:38,711 Those "ha-ha" s, they speak to me. 109 00:06:38,794 --> 00:06:45,134 I no longer want to be a doctor. I want to be a bully. 110 00:06:45,217 --> 00:06:48,471 Bart, don't you wish someone would stand up to bullies? 111 00:06:51,390 --> 00:06:54,185 Ha-ha! Hey, that feels great. 112 00:06:58,272 --> 00:07:00,024 Whatcha plottin', boy? Revenge? 113 00:07:00,107 --> 00:07:02,443 Some bullies have to be taught a lesson. 114 00:07:03,527 --> 00:07:06,739 Oh, I understand. Back in double-ya double-ya two-ble-ya, 115 00:07:06,822 --> 00:07:09,116 I fought the biggest bullies in the world. 116 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:10,242 Got any grenades? 117 00:07:10,326 --> 00:07:13,245 Nope. Used the last one yesterday to warm my soup. 118 00:07:13,329 --> 00:07:15,414 Oh, the nonsense I spout. 119 00:07:36,602 --> 00:07:39,605 - Ay, caramba! - Why, why, why? D'oh! 120 00:07:40,231 --> 00:07:42,149 My first prank. 121 00:07:42,233 --> 00:07:44,151 Bart hurt Dad! 122 00:07:44,235 --> 00:07:49,156 My first tattle. When I first knew my two shoes were goody. 123 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:50,825 Lisa sucks! 124 00:07:50,908 --> 00:07:53,285 One of many Lisa suckses. 125 00:07:53,369 --> 00:07:54,578 Bart, be nice. 126 00:07:55,079 --> 00:07:58,582 Heavenly Father, Lisa sucks. Lisa sucks. Amen. 127 00:07:58,666 --> 00:08:03,379 Meanwhile, back in the past, Bart was acting as bad as he does today. 128 00:08:03,462 --> 00:08:05,798 But back then we didn't know why. 129 00:08:06,841 --> 00:08:10,845 Homer, I'm afraid Bart may be a… …bad seed. 130 00:08:10,928 --> 00:08:13,139 Bad seed? What does that mean? 131 00:08:13,222 --> 00:08:16,851 - He's a ne'er-do-well. - A ne'er-do-what? 132 00:08:16,934 --> 00:08:18,811 He's no darn good! 133 00:08:24,984 --> 00:08:29,405 We tried everything the Reverend recommended to fix Bart's bad behavior. 134 00:08:29,488 --> 00:08:35,119 Prayer, ignoring it, donating $20. Nothing worked. 135 00:08:35,202 --> 00:08:38,372 My recommendation is a larger donation. 136 00:08:39,123 --> 00:08:41,083 Thanks for nothing. 137 00:09:20,623 --> 00:09:24,085 I need backup. Get me back up. Literally. 138 00:09:25,711 --> 00:09:27,046 Oh, you think that's funny, huh? 139 00:09:27,129 --> 00:09:31,050 A fat man running in and slipping on a toy. That's hilarious. 140 00:09:32,927 --> 00:09:34,678 Yeah, well, I sort of get it. 141 00:09:34,762 --> 00:09:37,765 We decided you needed professional help. 142 00:09:40,142 --> 00:09:42,061 I'll do everything I can. 143 00:09:42,144 --> 00:09:43,145 Doctor? 144 00:09:45,272 --> 00:09:48,692 Oh, I see. I'm afraid Bart will have to see a specialist. 145 00:09:48,776 --> 00:09:51,112 I have more pressing duties. 146 00:09:52,238 --> 00:09:55,407 - Pfizer visor? - Don't mind if I do. 147 00:09:59,662 --> 00:10:03,582 It's normal for boys Bart's age to test the limits with their fathers. 148 00:10:03,666 --> 00:10:06,502 Let's take a look at Bart's file. Let's see. 149 00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:09,171 Loading, loading. 150 00:10:10,297 --> 00:10:11,590 Loading. 151 00:10:18,097 --> 00:10:21,100 Oh, my God. He's attacking his grandfather. 152 00:10:21,183 --> 00:10:22,601 That's his father. 153 00:10:22,685 --> 00:10:25,020 He's aged that poor man that much? 154 00:10:31,527 --> 00:10:32,528 What the? 155 00:10:32,611 --> 00:10:34,113 Homer is 38. 156 00:10:34,613 --> 00:10:35,656 Dear God. 157 00:10:36,490 --> 00:10:38,868 Bart, you're a very special boy. 158 00:10:38,951 --> 00:10:43,581 And sometimes special boys need to go to special places. 159 00:10:46,625 --> 00:10:49,587 Don't worry, that's not one of our kids. 160 00:10:49,670 --> 00:10:52,381 It's one of the scary movies we let them watch. 161 00:10:52,464 --> 00:10:55,092 This is not where my son belongs. 162 00:10:56,719 --> 00:10:58,804 Sorry, not up to you. 163 00:10:58,888 --> 00:11:03,809 It's up to the ultimate authority in compassionate parenting: state law. 164 00:11:03,893 --> 00:11:05,936 The law? He's just a boy. 165 00:11:06,020 --> 00:11:07,354 To be incarcerated, 166 00:11:07,438 --> 00:11:10,816 the child has to know the difference between right and wrong. 167 00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:14,486 Oh, I know. Right is wrong. Right is wrong. 168 00:11:14,570 --> 00:11:20,993 Okay. I'm just going to say it. The boy is a P-S-Y-C-H-O. 169 00:11:21,076 --> 00:11:22,161 Psycho! 170 00:11:22,244 --> 00:11:24,538 And there's your second opinion. 171 00:11:24,622 --> 00:11:29,335 With an emergency court order, we can get him immediately into this facility. 172 00:11:29,418 --> 00:11:31,462 The social workers will come Monday 173 00:11:31,545 --> 00:11:35,633 in a windowless van disguised as a colorful ice-cream truck. 174 00:11:35,716 --> 00:11:36,967 No! 175 00:11:37,051 --> 00:11:38,510 It's for Bart's own good. 176 00:11:38,594 --> 00:11:41,472 We have to get him out of this horrible situation he's in. 177 00:11:41,555 --> 00:11:43,140 You mean our home? 178 00:11:43,224 --> 00:11:48,229 Not your home. The terrible people in it. The house looks absolutely lovely. 179 00:11:48,312 --> 00:11:50,022 Thank you. I try. 180 00:11:50,105 --> 00:11:53,400 But before you leave this office, Bart, you get a treat. 181 00:11:53,484 --> 00:11:56,946 Ooh, candy. Mmm. 182 00:11:57,988 --> 00:12:01,825 Those aren't candies, those are meds, and you just took a year's worth. 183 00:12:05,579 --> 00:12:07,748 Okay, okay. When they show up, 184 00:12:07,831 --> 00:12:11,001 we just have to convince them we're nice and normal. 185 00:12:11,085 --> 00:12:12,711 Nice and normal. 186 00:12:12,795 --> 00:12:14,713 Oh, we're doomed. 187 00:12:19,176 --> 00:12:21,178 Oh, no. 188 00:12:21,262 --> 00:12:23,264 Oh… 189 00:12:30,437 --> 00:12:32,690 Welcome to Baby Juvie, kid. 190 00:12:32,773 --> 00:12:35,317 This is so unfair. He's just a boy. 191 00:12:35,401 --> 00:12:37,945 There's no minimum age for detention in America. 192 00:12:38,028 --> 00:12:41,115 In Florida, for example, it's as young as seven. 193 00:12:41,198 --> 00:12:42,950 How do I know all this in my dream? 194 00:12:43,033 --> 00:12:45,869 Oh, you're "sloogling". Sleeping while googling. 195 00:12:48,372 --> 00:12:50,416 Take him away, toys. 196 00:12:55,546 --> 00:12:57,256 We really miss you, boy. 197 00:13:00,009 --> 00:13:03,929 The cow says… …Moo! 198 00:13:05,139 --> 00:13:09,059 That's a phone call you never wanna get. 199 00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:15,566 You know what these signify? That's right. It's all the times I cried. 200 00:13:15,649 --> 00:13:17,985 Told you not to read Charlotte's Web. 201 00:13:18,068 --> 00:13:21,322 How should I know spiders have such a short lifespan? 202 00:13:21,405 --> 00:13:22,990 I'll shorten your lifespan. 203 00:13:24,325 --> 00:13:26,702 You keep Charlotte's name out of your mouth. 204 00:13:27,494 --> 00:13:28,662 Throw 'em in the pit. 205 00:13:48,348 --> 00:13:50,642 Son, I'm breaking you out of here. 206 00:14:00,402 --> 00:14:02,154 Thank God this is just a dream. 207 00:14:02,237 --> 00:14:08,827 I… should… have… checked… consumer reports! 208 00:14:33,310 --> 00:14:35,479 I gotta save him. 209 00:14:37,815 --> 00:14:42,069 Boy, I won't let them condemn you to a life of mental health. 210 00:14:43,278 --> 00:14:45,072 I don't know whether you're a bad kid or not, 211 00:14:45,155 --> 00:14:47,825 but we're gonna drive until we figure out what's wrong with you. 212 00:14:47,908 --> 00:14:50,702 - Well, if you want to know... - We can talk in the car. 213 00:14:50,786 --> 00:14:54,123 Also, no talking in the car. I'll be playing sports talk radio. 214 00:14:54,873 --> 00:14:57,209 Come on, Steve, if major league players 215 00:14:57,292 --> 00:14:58,961 just knew how to bunt with a man on third, 216 00:14:59,044 --> 00:15:00,963 we wouldn't even be having this conversation. 217 00:15:01,046 --> 00:15:04,133 We'd be eating a hot dog with your sister. 218 00:15:08,637 --> 00:15:14,184 I was taking a journey to save my son, but do you know who I was actually saving? 219 00:15:14,268 --> 00:15:18,105 - Yourself. - Would you like to tell the story, Lisa? 220 00:15:18,188 --> 00:15:19,731 - Not really. - I wish you would. 221 00:15:19,815 --> 00:15:20,983 You're much better than me. 222 00:15:21,066 --> 00:15:25,028 Thank you. I will. If you don't mind, I'll podcast it too. 223 00:15:25,112 --> 00:15:28,240 This is Lisa Simpson with Small Town Dorks. 224 00:15:28,323 --> 00:15:32,744 Father and son needed to flee, but first they needed essential supplies. 225 00:15:36,665 --> 00:15:38,000 Oh, my God. They found us. 226 00:15:38,083 --> 00:15:41,003 Relax, pally. They're here for the donuts, not for you. 227 00:15:41,086 --> 00:15:43,714 Word on the street is it's free donut day. 228 00:15:43,797 --> 00:15:45,757 I'm afraid you've been misinformed. 229 00:15:45,841 --> 00:15:48,760 - Well, is it free coffee with purchase... - I'm afraid not. 230 00:15:48,844 --> 00:15:51,513 Well, you're coming downtown to where I live, 231 00:15:51,597 --> 00:15:54,474 to teach my wife how to make donuts. Let's go. 232 00:16:00,189 --> 00:16:02,482 Look at him. After causing all this trouble. 233 00:16:02,566 --> 00:16:05,402 He's a pain in the neck. He's uncontrollable. He's… 234 00:16:06,778 --> 00:16:09,323 He's me. 235 00:16:11,158 --> 00:16:14,828 Son, for you, the last donut. Bup. 236 00:16:16,663 --> 00:16:17,956 Thanks, man. 237 00:16:19,875 --> 00:16:23,337 Aw. Being a father is finally worth it. 238 00:16:24,379 --> 00:16:27,174 How did I do this? Lou, I'm scared. 239 00:16:30,761 --> 00:16:33,513 - We better amscray. - Amscray? What's that mean? 240 00:16:33,597 --> 00:16:36,767 I don't know, and I probably never will. Now we gotta scram. 241 00:16:41,980 --> 00:16:43,190 What's this dump? 242 00:16:43,273 --> 00:16:46,777 Oh, I'd come here when things got hairy with my father. 243 00:16:54,451 --> 00:16:56,870 Myrna, Myrna, why did you leave me? 244 00:16:56,954 --> 00:16:59,206 Dad, It's been ten years, and her name is Mona. 245 00:16:59,289 --> 00:17:00,916 Don't you tell me how to grieve. 246 00:17:04,461 --> 00:17:07,005 Who do you think you're comforting? Skedaddle! 247 00:17:07,673 --> 00:17:10,008 Nobody loves me. 248 00:17:13,845 --> 00:17:19,309 You know, maybe my father's insensitivity to me led to my insensitivity to you. 249 00:17:19,393 --> 00:17:22,062 - Dad? - There's a pattern here. 250 00:17:22,145 --> 00:17:23,146 Dad! 251 00:17:23,230 --> 00:17:27,192 Maybe, just maybe, if I could break the cycle... 252 00:17:27,276 --> 00:17:29,736 Dad, look. A full can of beer. 253 00:17:29,820 --> 00:17:31,071 Whoo! 254 00:17:31,154 --> 00:17:33,740 What was I saying? Uh, it must not have been important. 255 00:17:33,824 --> 00:17:39,162 Tonight we sleep here. Tomorrow, we make for Canada, the Mexico of Alaska. 256 00:17:40,914 --> 00:17:43,625 I'm gonna say the rudest thing a Canadian has ever said. 257 00:17:43,709 --> 00:17:45,544 Sorry, but no. 258 00:17:45,627 --> 00:17:47,754 Here's some maple syrup for your trip back, eh? 259 00:17:47,838 --> 00:17:49,506 Thanks for nothing. 260 00:17:50,007 --> 00:17:53,468 Fine, we'll hide here. It'll be magic. Pick a poop window. 261 00:17:53,552 --> 00:17:55,804 You and me against the world, Son. 262 00:17:56,972 --> 00:17:58,307 Now, let's get some sleep. 263 00:18:01,393 --> 00:18:02,769 I love you, Dad. 264 00:18:02,853 --> 00:18:04,563 I love you too. 265 00:18:15,574 --> 00:18:17,909 This childhood is over. 266 00:18:17,993 --> 00:18:22,831 And in case we have to deal with that quote unquote "father", I brought this. 267 00:18:27,002 --> 00:18:28,420 Boy, they're coming for you. 268 00:18:28,503 --> 00:18:30,589 We have the tree surrounded. 269 00:18:30,672 --> 00:18:33,342 Just toss your boy out of the window, headfirst, 270 00:18:33,425 --> 00:18:35,427 - and no one gets hurt. - Never! 271 00:18:35,510 --> 00:18:39,973 We've got the one thing no kid can resist. Glow sticks. 272 00:18:40,057 --> 00:18:41,099 Gimme, gimme, gimme. 273 00:18:41,183 --> 00:18:42,601 Come on, boy. Gotta be strong. 274 00:18:42,684 --> 00:18:43,977 - Do as I say. - Colors, colors, colors, 275 00:18:44,061 --> 00:18:45,896 - colors, colors, colors. - Neon pink. No, it's a trap. 276 00:18:45,979 --> 00:18:48,065 Listen to me, Son. The glow sticks are beautiful now, 277 00:18:48,148 --> 00:18:50,692 but you'll feel cheap when you see them in the morning. 278 00:18:50,776 --> 00:18:53,028 Also, the insides taste like crap. 279 00:18:53,111 --> 00:18:54,321 No! 280 00:18:57,240 --> 00:19:01,119 Just take a bite of this ice cream, young man. And we can be on our way. 281 00:19:01,203 --> 00:19:02,829 No, it's drugged! 282 00:19:07,709 --> 00:19:10,337 My thoughts, they're getting organized. 283 00:19:10,420 --> 00:19:12,839 I'm remembering my PIN codes and my passwords, 284 00:19:13,632 --> 00:19:15,509 where I parked at Itchy & Scratchy Land. 285 00:19:15,592 --> 00:19:20,305 Oh, my God. I remember Marge's birthday. 286 00:19:24,142 --> 00:19:26,978 - Oh, yeah, that's pretty neat. - Not bad. That's pretty cool. 287 00:19:27,979 --> 00:19:31,149 But the biggest thing I remember is, my son is not a bad boy. 288 00:19:31,233 --> 00:19:32,651 You've mistaken my indifference, 289 00:19:32,734 --> 00:19:34,695 my ham-handed attempts to help him grow up, 290 00:19:34,778 --> 00:19:37,948 and my borderline alcoholism for me not giving a damn. 291 00:19:40,075 --> 00:19:41,827 Let them go! 292 00:19:42,369 --> 00:19:45,747 Sorry, Marge, I have a court order that says otherwise. 293 00:19:47,833 --> 00:19:50,752 Doctor, I've never thought more clearly in my life. 294 00:19:50,836 --> 00:19:53,088 This is my son, and I love him. 295 00:19:53,171 --> 00:19:55,298 Losing him would be like losing my arm, 296 00:19:55,382 --> 00:19:58,677 the important one, the one I bowl with. Please. 297 00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:01,638 They teach us at Johns Hopkins not to have feelings. 298 00:20:01,722 --> 00:20:04,015 But damn it, this is getting to me. 299 00:20:04,099 --> 00:20:05,267 Why? 300 00:20:06,518 --> 00:20:08,687 Son, what do you want? 301 00:20:09,354 --> 00:20:10,772 Use this whiteboard. 302 00:20:20,532 --> 00:20:22,200 D'oh! Whoo-hoo! 303 00:20:24,286 --> 00:20:25,328 We're done here. 304 00:20:28,290 --> 00:20:29,291 Thank God. 305 00:20:29,374 --> 00:20:31,251 Give your dad a kiss, Son. 306 00:20:32,127 --> 00:20:34,129 Ow! It's like sandpaper. 307 00:20:34,212 --> 00:20:36,339 Come on, dig in there good. 308 00:20:36,423 --> 00:20:37,924 Mwah! 309 00:20:49,102 --> 00:20:53,982 And that was the first of many times we fended off family services. 310 00:20:55,150 --> 00:20:56,526 Not again. 311 00:20:56,610 --> 00:20:57,944 You know what to do, people. 312 00:21:03,784 --> 00:21:06,953 I just can't give away these oatmeal cookies. 313 00:21:07,037 --> 00:21:08,330 Yoink! 314 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:10,957 Just take the ding dang plate! 315 00:21:30,060 --> 00:21:31,061 Shh!