1 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:06,298 * The Simpsons * 2 00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:08,175 _ 3 00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:22,606 Maybe 43 is the year I change my hairstyle. 4 00:00:23,482 --> 00:00:25,901 No, I don't have that kind of courage. 5 00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:32,449 Breakfast me now. 6 00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:34,618 I want to escape before the hormone twins come down. 7 00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:37,120 Bart and Lisa are teenagers now, 8 00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:39,706 and they've got a lot of confusing feelings. 9 00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:43,544 Feelings I can handle. It's the sounds and the smells that are breaking me. 10 00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:45,629 How's the wedding speech coming? 11 00:00:46,079 --> 00:00:49,174 Stupid Flanders never should have asked me to be his best man. 12 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,469 Do you think this joke is too mean? 13 00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:53,762 Yes! 14 00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:55,722 Then it's going in. 15 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,684 Good morning. How'd you sleep? 16 00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:03,438 None of my clothes fit, and I'm breaking out. 17 00:01:03,522 --> 00:01:05,107 I am not going to school. 18 00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:08,652 You're in eighth grade. If your face was normal, you'd stand out. 19 00:01:10,892 --> 00:01:14,616 Honey, the changes we go through as women are beautiful 20 00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:19,871 and should be celebrated with joy and gratitude as the gifts they are. 21 00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:21,665 You're delusional. 22 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,458 More food. Where is? 23 00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:27,713 I just went shopping yesterday. I can't keep up with your appetite. 24 00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:29,590 There's chili in the earthquake kit. 25 00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:37,681 Let me. Happy to help, little big brother. 26 00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:45,355 - I'm driving to school today. - Mmm? 27 00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:48,525 How am I gonna learn not to kill people if you don't let me practice? 28 00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:54,448 Maggie, Maggie, rest your voice. You're still getting over that laryngitis. 29 00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:58,410 Please. Don't let Bart drive. It's too scary. 30 00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:00,579 He drives so wiggly and everybody honks at us 31 00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:02,748 and yells bad words and shows us fingers! 32 00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,003 * And while she lay there sleeping * 33 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,047 * I read the paper in bed * 34 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,549 Lisa, we used to love this song. 35 00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:16,136 We'd dance around and have the best time. Remember? 36 00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:19,139 Remember, remember, remember, remember? 37 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:20,641 * If you like piña col... * 38 00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:21,767 Mom, no. 39 00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:26,063 Why'd you volunteer me to perform at Mr. Flanders's wedding? 40 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,815 Why would I ever want to do that? Why? 41 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,610 Well, your father's the best man, 42 00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:35,155 Bart's the videographer, and Maggie's the flower girl. 43 00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:38,241 Besides, you used to love performing. 44 00:02:38,945 --> 00:02:42,412 Oh, you were so sweet and confident. 45 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:45,832 I did, and I was, but I'm not, so I won't. 46 00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:49,878 I do not want a thousand eyeballs staring at me. 47 00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:52,422 Lisa, wait. I forgot to give you this 48 00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:55,592 in case you get your first... period. 49 00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:57,386 Eyeballs. 50 00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:01,932 - _ - Oh. 51 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,975 It'll be nice to spend time with people 52 00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:07,104 whose hormones aren't completely wackadoodle. 53 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:10,524 Wackadoodle. My hormones are wackadoodle. 54 00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:15,779 As our last eggs circle the drain, let's raise a glass to the big change. 55 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:19,366 Menopause? Aren't we all a little young for that? 56 00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:21,702 Perimenopause, Marge. 57 00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:26,164 The coming attractions before the horror movie that is the big M. 58 00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:29,793 Don't tell me you haven't had any of the symptoms. Hot flashes... 59 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:30,961 Mood swings. 60 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:35,757 You know, I wake up at exactly 3:17 every night. Why 3:17? 61 00:03:36,091 --> 00:03:36,842 I know. 62 00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:39,594 And then I can't help but compulsively rearrange the furniture. 63 00:03:39,678 --> 00:03:42,305 You know, last night, I created a workstation for the dog. 64 00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:45,225 If we can't turn these middle-aged frowns upside down, 65 00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:47,978 let's fill them in with a syringe full of youth. 66 00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:54,985 Heroin. I've heard it's amazing, but I'm not sure it's for me. 67 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,903 They're facial fillers, Marge. 68 00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:59,823 Use these to mark the parts of your face you hate. 69 00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:02,159 Black don't crack, but it sure can droop. 70 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:05,871 I just don't think our faces are something we need to fix. 71 00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:08,623 Let's celebrate the wisdom and achievements 72 00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:11,084 that are the story our wrinkles tell. 73 00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:15,964 I'll see myself out. 74 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,284 Mmm? 75 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,331 Homer. Homer, wake up. 76 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:53,335 "Hamnesia" is when you can't remember ham! 77 00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:57,297 This graphic novel Bart's been reading is practically a tingle book. 78 00:04:57,380 --> 00:05:00,801 Is it normal for a boy to look at bunnies with big boobs? 79 00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:03,970 Little boys will stare at a rock if it's got big boobs. 80 00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:06,056 Ooh. Look, a rock with big boobs. 81 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,184 Why would a lady robot need to wear a skirt? 82 00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:11,144 And does it have to be so short? 83 00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:14,606 Oh, honey, in the grand scheme of things this is pretty innocent. 84 00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:20,320 He could be online watching live-action romance content. 85 00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:23,573 Shut your muzzle mouth! 86 00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:26,284 Sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. 87 00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:29,287 My emotions are suddenly all haywire. 88 00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:33,834 Sounds like it's probably nothing. 89 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,546 Top of the morning, best man-arino. 90 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,841 Hey, Homer. How's the speech coming? 91 00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:42,133 Really great, Pam. 92 00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:44,678 But if you have any embarrassing Flanders stories 93 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:48,890 to make this savage takedown even more brutal, I'm all ears. 94 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,854 Well, the best story is how he saved my life when I choked 95 00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:56,189 on a baby in a king cake during Mardi Gras. 96 00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:59,150 Choke play at cake party. Perfect. 97 00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:00,318 He sure is. 98 00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:04,364 Stupid happy, future Flanders. 99 00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:12,122 My wife is where? I'm on my way! 100 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:18,545 Honey, the manager says you've been in the freezer for a half hour. 101 00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:22,424 I'm burning up. I think it's my first hot flash. 102 00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:25,927 Insomnia, the compulsive redecorating. 103 00:06:26,011 --> 00:06:28,179 I think it's perimenopause. 104 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:31,141 Homer, I'm old. 105 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:34,603 Wow. Say something perfect. 106 00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:35,687 High five? 107 00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:43,904 Can't sleep anymore. Can't think straight. Always irritable. 108 00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,239 Kitchen couch! 109 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,493 You finally get me. 110 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,874 I'm driving to school today. 111 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:59,461 Got another zit. I'm going to live under a troll bridge. 112 00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:02,380 I'm a flower girl, and I want special shoes. 113 00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:05,383 Pink with bows and lights and music. 114 00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:08,386 Everyone shut your breakfast holes! 115 00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:10,930 ...run over a bunch of nuns... 116 00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:15,226 Homer, your wife is going through the terrible change of perimeningitis, 117 00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:17,729 so it's down to you to be the voice of non-crazy. 118 00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:21,941 This is where years of therapy mumbo jumbo pays off. 119 00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:28,782 - Emotional dysregulation. - Huh. 120 00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,200 - Feelings. - Oh. 121 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,534 - Validation. - Oh. 122 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:32,869 Crystals. 123 00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:36,289 And a tiny gong on the bookshelf. 124 00:07:38,013 --> 00:07:41,252 I don't know why that worked, but it kind of did. 125 00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:43,713 Maybe it's just the soothing tone. 126 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:46,132 That's like half of it, isn't it? 127 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:51,805 I know this is a long shot, but do you have these shoes my daughter wants? 128 00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:53,640 Oh. Wow. 129 00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:57,394 Uh. Lady, these shoes don't exist. 130 00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:03,441 These Skoochers are a revelation. Skooch on, skooch off. Skooch on, skooch off. 131 00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:12,409 Marge Simpson? My old crush/obsession/problematic fixation. 132 00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:16,579 Artie, now is not the time to hit on me. 133 00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:18,581 Hmm. 134 00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:19,916 Not a problem. 135 00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:25,547 For the first time in my life, the sight of your face has left me un-smitten. 136 00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:28,466 Do I see the flawless young girl 137 00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:33,555 whose dental hygienist I bribed for a Dixie cup of her saliva? 138 00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:35,849 I do not! 139 00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:38,518 Oh. I guess that's a good thing. 140 00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:40,562 I feel nothing, I tell you. 141 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,856 Maybe it's these super cushiony shoes, 142 00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:49,195 or maybe it's the teeny-tiny frown line I detect between your eyes. 143 00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:52,198 But I feel liberated. 144 00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:55,535 Skip with me, salesgirl, skip with me. 145 00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:57,954 Whee! Whee! 146 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:09,549 I'm in. Give me the Botox. I want everything shiny and plumped. 147 00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:12,844 You'll notice that my face does not look surprised. 148 00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:20,060 I can feel all the character being erased. I love it. 149 00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:22,479 Mom, what the hell? 150 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:25,732 What happened to, "The changes we go through as women 151 00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:30,653 are beautiful and should be celebrated with joy and gratitude"? 152 00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,447 How could you understand? 153 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:35,742 You're young, and you're chock-full of collagen. 154 00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:38,244 Mother, I am covered in zits. 155 00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:42,874 Acne is just a phase. It's like the story of the ugly duckling. 156 00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:46,836 Some ugly ducklings just grow up to be ugly ducks. 157 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:50,757 Mom, have you seen my mustache comb? 158 00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,677 Don't you take that tone with me, young lady! 159 00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:56,596 Oh, no, I'm sorry. 160 00:09:56,679 --> 00:10:01,267 What tone did you take when you found out your mother was a raging hypocrite? 161 00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:05,855 Just because I said one thing and did the opposite, that makes me a hypocrite? 162 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:10,318 Emotional truths being shared. For which I am gratitude. 163 00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:13,071 May I trigger you with some organic matcha? 164 00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:17,700 Why don't we end the session here, and we'll pick up next time? 165 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,287 Now, let's sort you two out. 166 00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:23,123 Grab some sofa, you guys. 167 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:28,378 Picking up where we left off last week... 168 00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,588 Snowball, you were upset 169 00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:33,174 that Santa's Little Helper gave you an ultimatum. 170 00:10:36,091 --> 00:10:37,762 I found something. 171 00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:40,890 - More manga? - No, this. 172 00:10:41,357 --> 00:10:44,144 Adult live-action romance content. 173 00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:46,813 Our son is ruined. Childhood over. 174 00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,022 Innocence gone. 175 00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:53,570 He's going to grow up to be an incel or a sexist jerk or a manosphere guru. 176 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,657 I'm sorry the world is a horrible, ugly place 177 00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:59,576 in which no child should grow up. 178 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:03,079 But I promise when Bart finally likes a real girl, 179 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:08,751 he'll be just as nervous and sweet and respectful as I was when I met you. 180 00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:10,962 What do we do? What do we do? 181 00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:14,799 Pretending it's not happening has worked for generations of parents. 182 00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:22,056 I'm confiscating every screen in this house. 183 00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:24,017 No more Internet for you. 184 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,852 What? Why? 185 00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:28,771 You know why. 186 00:11:29,272 --> 00:11:31,232 Okay, bye. 187 00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:38,907 Okay, this is handled. I handled it. Everything's good. 188 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,289 You've gotta help me. 189 00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:50,376 I'm a calm, happy person trapped in the body of a crazy lady. 190 00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:51,544 Oh, I'm sorry. 191 00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:55,465 There's just not much research into health issues that only affect women. 192 00:11:55,548 --> 00:12:00,053 My med school professor called menopause an esoteric mystery. 193 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,222 There's got to be something you can give me. 194 00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:05,767 Rub this hormone cream on your thighs. Can't hurt. 195 00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:08,645 Unless... No, no, it can't hurt. 196 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:11,689 And there is one more thing I can prescribe. 197 00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:15,944 Sometimes laughter is the best medicine. 198 00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:20,990 * Good-bye to my purpose * 199 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:27,664 * Good-bye to my meaning * 200 00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:32,502 - So true. - Funny and brave. 201 00:12:36,615 --> 00:12:38,174 Surprise! 202 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,343 You replaced the fridge? 203 00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:43,263 Is that what we do now when something gets old? 204 00:12:43,346 --> 00:12:45,515 Just toss it out in the street? 205 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:49,435 It's a smart fridge. I got it to make your life easier. 206 00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:52,397 The next time the teenage eating machine cleans us out, 207 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,858 this thing will order groceries delivered right to our door. 208 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:04,993 Frozen pizza, frozen burritos. It knows all the crap we eat. 209 00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:07,537 And what's in this bag? 210 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:11,124 Maggie's impossible-to-find shoes. 211 00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:14,377 I know I haven't been myself lately, 212 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,839 but you've done something I never expected... 213 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,258 pitched in. 214 00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:27,348 Next time I'll get you a smart stove... 215 00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:29,017 then a smart blender... 216 00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:30,935 to make smart smoothies... 217 00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:34,564 out of intelligent bananas. 218 00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:37,150 Oh, Homie. 219 00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:43,573 Hey, Homie, seems like nothing's really happening down there. 220 00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:49,370 I didn't even know it couldn't do that. Well, no need to panic. 221 00:13:53,751 --> 00:13:55,772 _ 222 00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:01,758 Mmm. 223 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:05,386 Move, people. We're not losing another erection today. 224 00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:07,722 Fortunately for you, Big Pharma, 225 00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:11,017 which is largely run by old men on their third wives, 226 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:13,811 has poured billions into ED research. 227 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:19,067 We have a mighty arsenal of treatment options at our disposal. 228 00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:22,820 Now, Homer, these ED meds will adversely affect your mood, 229 00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:25,114 causing aggression, irresponsibility, 230 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:28,743 and a tendency for your mouth to write checks your ass can't cash. 231 00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:31,871 With all the hormonal changes going on in the house, 232 00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:34,082 you're the only one keeping things together. 233 00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:36,084 Maybe we should think about this. 234 00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:38,503 Men's sexual health is no time for thinking. 235 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:39,712 Shoot me up, doc. 236 00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:41,464 I already am. 237 00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:43,007 Oh? Mmm. 238 00:14:43,758 --> 00:14:47,887 I got the testosterone of a 20-year-old and the patience of a 12-year-old. 239 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:50,181 Get the hell off my kitchen couch. 240 00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:51,557 Make me, Jabba the Butt. 241 00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:53,434 Shut up, you little perv. 242 00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:54,977 Homer, calm down. 243 00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:56,687 I medically can't. 244 00:14:56,771 --> 00:14:58,815 Hypocrite, hypocrite, hypocrite. 245 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,399 Get off my couch. 246 00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:03,069 Get your pervy self and your pervy germs off of it. 247 00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:04,445 - Get off of it... - Leave me alone. 248 00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:07,907 - ...contaminated with... - I can't believe anything you say. 249 00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,784 Oh, shut up! Ah! 250 00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,622 Hurry up and eat your half-assed breakfasts. 251 00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:18,376 We're not going to be late for Mr. Flanders's wedding. 252 00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:23,756 I cannot perform in front of people with all this going on. 253 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:27,176 You look fine. Don't be so dramatic. 254 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:30,638 Maybe I'd look better with a face full of Botox. 255 00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:35,893 Oh, I am so sorry. I'm struggling to deal with the humongous life change. 256 00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:38,938 Oh. I handled it just fine. 257 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:40,648 Handled what? 258 00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:43,901 My period. I got it last week. 259 00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:49,740 You got your first period, and you didn't tell me. Why? 260 00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:52,743 Because you make womanhood seem like the most miserable thing 261 00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:54,704 that could happen to a person. 262 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,789 But don't worry about it. 263 00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:59,917 Coach Krupt was very helpful. 264 00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:05,339 Bombardment of feelings. Bombardment of transitions. 265 00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:08,342 Bombardment of we're all here for you. 266 00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:11,888 She didn't tell me. I'm a failure as a mother. 267 00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:17,685 All right, let's move. 268 00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:21,439 I got a best man speech to crush. What's the fastest way to the church? 269 00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:26,235 I have no idea. Mom confiscated every screen in the house. 270 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,696 Well, the smart fridge has Internet access, so... 271 00:16:28,779 --> 00:16:30,615 Let's get to that wedding, people. Go, go, go. 272 00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:32,617 What did you do, Bart? 273 00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:34,827 Hmm. 274 00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:38,497 Mom, trust me. You don't want to do this. 275 00:16:40,585 --> 00:16:41,718 _ 276 00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:44,587 - Bart! - You dog. 277 00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:48,382 Hyah! 278 00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:51,636 Die, die, die, die! 279 00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:56,098 Ooh. Get in the car. It's time to celebrate love. 280 00:16:58,226 --> 00:16:59,685 Stupid car. 281 00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:01,812 Why won't you start? 282 00:17:01,896 --> 00:17:05,399 I don't think either one of you is in any condition to drive. 283 00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:07,568 I can drive! I can do anything! 284 00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:11,864 - No, not Bart! - If we die, we die. 285 00:17:14,812 --> 00:17:16,202 Look out for the... 286 00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:17,411 Don't hit the... 287 00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:19,538 Go straight, go straight. 288 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,796 Oh. I forgot my flower basket. 289 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,464 Here, use these. 290 00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:36,097 Aw. 291 00:17:37,043 --> 00:17:38,099 Aw. 292 00:17:44,105 --> 00:17:45,439 I have to give my best man speech, 293 00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:48,734 but I can't focus no matter how much testosterone I shoot up. 294 00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:52,738 Give me some estrogen cream to balance me out, please. 295 00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:55,366 I'm so mad and sexy. 296 00:17:58,786 --> 00:17:59,870 Mmm. 297 00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:07,420 Well, well, well, the day has finally come. 298 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:11,632 The long-suffering neighbor has a chance to even the score. 299 00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:14,760 Hope what you're about to hear doesn't give you second thoughts, Pam. 300 00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:15,928 Oh! 301 00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:21,142 Whoa! That lady cream works fast. 302 00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:27,982 Anyway, I was about to roast this... this beautiful, wonderful man. 303 00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:29,317 Aw. 304 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,694 He's such a good neighborino. 305 00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:37,617 He lets me borrow stuff, and he loves Jesus so much. 306 00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:44,248 And despite all that, he's my favorite person in the entire world. 307 00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:46,709 Aw! 308 00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:02,683 Hi, I'm Bart. I drove here in a car that I drove. 309 00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:05,770 I'm Carrie. The bride is my sister. We took a limo. 310 00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:08,147 Wow. You were in a car. I'm in a car... 311 00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:11,651 - Ned, can I borrow Homer? - Would you, please? 312 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,071 Homer, look. 313 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:18,949 Bart's talking to a girl, and he's terrible at it. 314 00:19:19,033 --> 00:19:22,078 He's not an unsalvageable Internet monster. 315 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:26,374 He's just as sweet and awkward and clueless as you were. 316 00:19:26,457 --> 00:19:29,126 Chicks are gonna walk all over him. 317 00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:31,212 That's all I want. 318 00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:37,843 Are you sure you don't want to sit with the unreal housewives? 319 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:44,183 Honey, I'm sorry I made womanhood seem so horrible. 320 00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:47,478 It's not that bad. You get used to it. 321 00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:50,648 Besides, without it, I wouldn't be your mom, 322 00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:52,441 so it's pretty great. 323 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:56,529 Anyway, if you don't wanna get up on stage, you don't have to. 324 00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:59,365 I don't? Oh, thank God. 325 00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:03,619 Ooh. Hot flash coming in like a locomotive full of soup. 326 00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,079 I need my medicine back. 327 00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:07,748 You used it all? 328 00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:12,086 I have no memory of the last two hours. 329 00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:18,759 Excuse me, excuse me? 330 00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:22,096 Ooh, boy. That's a lot of eyeballs. 331 00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:28,936 Uh. Mr. Flanders asked me to perform the song "Perfect" by Ed Sheeran. 332 00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:32,189 I love that song. 333 00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:34,608 But I'm not gonna do that one. 334 00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:37,737 - Crap. - This one's for us, Mom. 335 00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:40,906 * I was tired of my lady * 336 00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:43,784 * We'd been together too long * 337 00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:48,539 A song about having an affair is a weird choice for a wedding. 338 00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:50,958 I think it's perfect. 339 00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,920 * So while she lay there sleeping * 340 00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:58,174 * I read the paper in bed * 341 00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:01,552 * And in the personal columns * 342 00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:04,597 * There was this letter I read * 343 00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:08,768 * If you like piña coladas * 344 00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:12,021 * And gettin' caught in the rain * 345 00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:15,441 * If you're not into yoga * 346 00:21:16,358 --> 00:21:19,361 * If you have half a brain * 347 00:22:11,164 --> 00:22:12,212 Shh! 348 00:22:15,269 --> 00:22:18,241 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com