1 00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:06,297 * The Simpsons * 2 00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:10,427 D'oh! 3 00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:28,069 * They fight and fight * 4 00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:30,321 * They fight and fight and fight * 5 00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:32,824 Dad! V-chip! V-chip! 6 00:00:32,907 --> 00:00:34,325 Sorry, sorry. My fault. 7 00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:36,661 * …Scratchy show! * 8 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,600 We interrupt this cartoon for a special report. 9 00:00:58,683 --> 00:01:00,560 Someone found my keys. 10 00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:02,562 Kent Brockman at the action news desk. 11 00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:03,688 A massive tanker has run aground 12 00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:05,565 on the central coastline 13 00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:08,109 spilling millions of gallons of oil on Baby Seal Beach. 14 00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:09,861 Oh, no! 15 00:01:09,944 --> 00:01:11,446 It will be okay, honey. 16 00:01:11,529 --> 00:01:13,656 There's lots more oil where that came from. 17 00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:15,366 Preliminary reports indicated 18 00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:18,036 the ship's captain was drunk at the helm. 19 00:01:18,119 --> 00:01:20,872 Those reports were later confirmed. 20 00:01:20,955 --> 00:01:24,542 Arr. I'm in a lot of trouble now… 21 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:25,626 Hey, I'll give you a hundred bucks 22 00:01:25,668 --> 00:01:27,128 to take the blame. 23 00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:29,422 A clean-up effort is already underway 24 00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:30,924 and as always, the first to pitch in 25 00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:33,301 are those unsung heroes 26 00:01:33,384 --> 00:01:35,261 Hollywood movie stars. 27 00:01:38,139 --> 00:01:40,308 This isn't about publicity. 28 00:01:40,391 --> 00:01:42,352 This is about cleaning off gunk. 29 00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:45,355 As a golden globe nominee, I just think it's our duty 30 00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:47,941 to make the real globe a little more golden. 31 00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,488 We'd be doing our part for the environment. 32 00:01:53,571 --> 00:01:57,075 Plus, we'd get to clean up all those cute animals. 33 00:01:57,158 --> 00:01:59,119 Honey, we don't need to drive 400 miles 34 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:00,537 to clean animals. 35 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,705 You can stay right here and give the dog a bath 36 00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:05,041 or trim the cat's nails. 37 00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:09,212 Oh, Mom, please. 38 00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:10,380 You can make this my birthday 39 00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,340 and Christmas presents. 40 00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:15,009 You've already used up your birthday and Christmas presents 41 00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:16,719 on that peach tree we got you 42 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,389 and you hardly ever play with that anymore. 43 00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:22,559 Yes, I do. Sure, I do. Look. 44 00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:28,606 * Here I am playing on my peach tree, Mom * 45 00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:31,192 Oh, all right, we'll go. 46 00:02:34,904 --> 00:02:35,904 Now, the cat needs his medication every morning. 47 00:02:35,947 --> 00:02:37,699 No problem. Can do. 48 00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:39,450 The furnace has been giving off a lot of carbon monoxide… 49 00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:40,618 - Gotcha. - So keep the window open. 50 00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:43,121 Cat in the furnace. 51 00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:44,539 Uh, you know, 52 00:02:44,622 --> 00:02:47,542 I think I'll take Maggie with us. 53 00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:50,461 And if anything happens, just use your best judgm… 54 00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:51,796 Mmm… 55 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:52,881 Just do what I would do. 56 00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:58,386 Woo-hoo! 57 00:02:58,469 --> 00:03:02,223 A whole week of just father and son. 58 00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:03,307 See you at dinner. 59 00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:06,811 What time? 60 00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:08,938 You know… I don't know. 61 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,815 Shall we say 10:00? 62 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:13,443 All right, just wake me up. 63 00:03:15,486 --> 00:03:18,156 You know, Bart, I saw this one. 64 00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:22,410 Live, from the grand ballroom 65 00:03:22,493 --> 00:03:24,287 of the Hapsburg imperial palace 66 00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:27,290 it's the world series of bumper cars. 67 00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:28,750 More food. 68 00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:31,252 Dad, do I have to brush my teeth? 69 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:32,754 No. 70 00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:34,297 But at least rinse your mouth out with soda. 71 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,015 I'm going to rescue a baby seal 72 00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:45,642 and then I'm going to save an otter. 73 00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:48,019 Whoa, whoa, I'm sorry, but all the animals 74 00:03:48,102 --> 00:03:51,814 have already been reserved for celebrities. 75 00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:56,486 There. That's 104 pounds of sandpipers. 76 00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:58,696 You mean there's nothing left to clean? 77 00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:00,365 Well, there are rocks. 78 00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:02,075 Thousands and thousands of rocks. 79 00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:07,163 I've got rocks that need washing at home. 80 00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:12,543 Geez, look at this place. 81 00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:14,128 We got to do something. 82 00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:15,588 Hmm, garbage angels? 83 00:04:27,475 --> 00:04:30,228 Dad, I think I need some fresh air. 84 00:04:30,311 --> 00:04:31,479 Can I go to the park? 85 00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:32,605 Do I have to sit up? 86 00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:33,689 No. 87 00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:34,732 Knock yourself out. 88 00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:45,576 Milhouse, this is boring. 89 00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,453 Make it crash or something. 90 00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:50,081 Perfectly level flying is the supreme challenge 91 00:04:50,164 --> 00:04:51,291 of the scale-model pilot. 92 00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:54,002 - Give me that. - Hey! 93 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,219 Ah! It's gaining on us! 94 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,971 I'm pedaling backwards. 95 00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:06,264 Abandon ship! 96 00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,727 I don't like being outdoors, Smithers. 97 00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:13,646 For one thing, there are too many fat children. 98 00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:28,536 Thanks a lot. 99 00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:30,330 Now it's stuck on that haunted house. 100 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:31,873 I heard a witch lives there. 101 00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:35,043 I heard a Frankenstein lives there. 102 00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:36,961 You guys are way off. 103 00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:38,546 It's a secret lab where they take the brains out of zombies 104 00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:40,548 and put them in the heads of other zombies 105 00:05:40,631 --> 00:05:43,301 to create a race of super-zombies. 106 00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:45,136 That's the house?! 107 00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:47,347 Stand aside, wussies. 108 00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:50,683 Go away. 109 00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:53,644 No children. 110 00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:54,728 Enough talk. 111 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:12,330 S-u-c-c-e-e-s, that's the way you spell succ… 112 00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:25,259 No, no. 113 00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,011 H-help, h-help. 114 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:29,305 I'm gonna die. 115 00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:41,234 Oh, no! The witch has Bart! 116 00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:43,152 We've got to hurry. 117 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,576 Just a minute. 118 00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:56,624 Hello? 119 00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:59,085 Your son was trespassing on my property 120 00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:02,713 and destroyed a very valuable stone gargoyle and… 121 00:07:02,797 --> 00:07:04,465 Are you wearing a grocery bag? 122 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,634 I have misplaced my pants. 123 00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:08,386 I'm not going to press charges 124 00:07:08,469 --> 00:07:10,221 but I assume you'll wanna punish him. 125 00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:11,681 Yeah, 126 00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:14,308 appreciate the suggestion, lady, but he hates that. 127 00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:15,852 And I got to live with him. 128 00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:17,437 You're the man, Homer. 129 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,397 Well, if you won't discipline him, 130 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,357 I'll come back and speak with his mother. 131 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:22,650 No, wait, wait. 132 00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:25,278 Madam, I run a house of discipline. 133 00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:27,738 The boy will be disciplined and disciplined severely. 134 00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:30,199 Good day. 135 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,701 Oh, I don't know how to punish you. 136 00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:33,411 What does Marge usually do? 137 00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:34,954 She makes me taste beer. 138 00:07:35,037 --> 00:07:36,247 Come on, boy. 139 00:07:36,330 --> 00:07:37,957 Give your old man a little credit. 140 00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:41,586 Yeah, well, I still get to punish you. 141 00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,382 Now, you're going to do chores for that lady 142 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,176 until you work off the damage you did. 143 00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:50,803 It's called responsibility. 144 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:05,067 Come on in, Bart. 145 00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:06,444 I can't believe 146 00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:07,904 I've got to spend all my free time 147 00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:09,822 dusting doilies in a smelly, run-down dump 148 00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:11,365 for a creepy old witch. 149 00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:13,868 ♪♪ 150 00:08:19,957 --> 00:08:21,834 Lady, I got to tell you… 151 00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:24,212 I have been grossly misinformed 152 00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,295 about witches. 153 00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:31,928 Wow, man, what is this place? 154 00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:34,847 I prefer not to be called "Man." 155 00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:36,390 My name is Belle 156 00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:38,935 and this is the Maison Derriere. 157 00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:41,479 That means the, uh, "Back house." 158 00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:42,688 Are you having a party or something? 159 00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,023 Nonstop. 160 00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:45,775 We're a burlesque house… 161 00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:48,694 A private club where gentlemen can play some cards 162 00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:49,778 and see a show. 163 00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:51,405 Miss Belle, 164 00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:53,282 we're about to do our "Around the World" number, 165 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,868 but Monte Carlo can't find her dice. 166 00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:57,370 Here you go, darlin'. 167 00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:59,247 Normally, we don't allow children in here 168 00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:01,666 but your father was so insistent. 169 00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:02,792 He's tough but fair. 170 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,752 I'll start sorting these bras. 171 00:09:04,835 --> 00:09:07,171 That's a bit advanced for you. 172 00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:08,756 But I know a stopped-up sink 173 00:09:08,839 --> 00:09:10,132 that needs some attention. 174 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,301 Just glad to be on the team. 175 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,428 When you work the door 176 00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:16,430 the main things are to greet the visitors 177 00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:17,848 and toss out the troublemakers. 178 00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:19,517 Oh, the ol' greet 'n' toss. 179 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:20,685 No problemo. 180 00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:22,770 How did I ever get along without you? 181 00:09:29,777 --> 00:09:31,279 Oop. 182 00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:35,992 Is your name Bart? 183 00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:38,578 - Mm-hmm. - What the… 184 00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:40,663 Does your father know you're working here? 185 00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:41,956 It was his idea. 186 00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:43,374 In that case I'll have a whiskey sour. 187 00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:47,670 Oh, there's something unsatisfying 188 00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:49,255 about scrubbing these rocks 189 00:09:49,338 --> 00:09:52,466 and I think I know what it is. 190 00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,927 Lisa, I know it's frustrating 191 00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,597 but we made a commitment and we have to see it through 192 00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:00,391 no matter how unpleasant. 193 00:10:00,474 --> 00:10:01,892 Quitting time. Okay. 194 00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:04,520 Scrub up and head for the communal tarp. 195 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,314 We're having kelpburgers 196 00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,649 and we're going to watch a tape of Johnny Arvik. 197 00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:10,276 He's the eskimo comedian. 198 00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:15,823 Faster, Mom, faster. 199 00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:21,454 Oh, that was our emcee, Mel Zetz. 200 00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:24,248 He got out of bed too fast and broke his hip. 201 00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:26,459 So who's going to warm up the crowd tonight? 202 00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:28,586 Well, whoever fits Mel's tuxedo. 203 00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:29,754 Eep! 204 00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:31,339 The jokes are in the breast pocket. 205 00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:32,840 If you get in trouble, 206 00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,175 there's a switch that makes the bow tie spin. 207 00:10:36,677 --> 00:10:39,847 "Heh, nudist colonies are everywhere these days. 208 00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:41,557 "I'd love to go, but I… 209 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,435 I can't get the wrinkles out of my birthday suit." 210 00:10:47,271 --> 00:10:48,814 "But I got to tell you, 211 00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:51,567 "Adam and Eve must have been the first bookkeepers. 212 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,944 They invented the loose leaf system." 213 00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:58,949 If there's a bad bookkeeping joke 214 00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:00,785 I haven't heard it. 215 00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:02,578 It's 11:00. 216 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,622 Do you know where your children are? 217 00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:07,291 I told you last night, no! 218 00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:09,669 Where is Bart anyway? 219 00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:11,796 His dinner's getting all cold and eaten. 220 00:11:16,592 --> 00:11:18,427 Bart, where are you? 221 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,304 Come on! 222 00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:22,598 I have to be up at 6:00 a.m. to swipe Flanders' newspaper. 223 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,600 What the… 224 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,894 "President Eisenhower celebrates 225 00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:28,896 "40th wedding anniversary. 226 00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:31,857 Not pictured, Mrs. Eisenhower." 227 00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:32,927 I'm sorry. 228 00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:34,527 This is all my fault. 229 00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:35,945 Bart was filling in… 230 00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:38,531 I don't care if he was filling for Mel Zetz. 231 00:11:38,614 --> 00:11:40,700 He's my son and I don't want him working… 232 00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:43,661 so… late… that… 233 00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:44,954 Oh, I agree. 234 00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:46,747 Kids need rules and boundaries. 235 00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:49,750 Yes, everyone loves rules. 236 00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:51,502 It's so tough to be a parent these days 237 00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:54,255 what with all the gangs and the drugs… 238 00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:56,549 Oh, yeah, drugs. You gotta have drugs. 239 00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:58,175 Hey, he didn't pay the cover. 240 00:11:58,259 --> 00:12:00,428 Oh, Bart, he's your father. 241 00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:01,595 We'll comp him tonight. 242 00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:02,847 Start a tab tomorrow. 243 00:12:07,017 --> 00:12:08,394 Oh, I hope I didn't miss the floor show. 244 00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:09,729 - Nope. - Is Roxanne back? 245 00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:10,896 Yup. 246 00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,148 Did she, uh, get my flowers? 247 00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:14,650 - She did. - I… 248 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:15,943 Hello, Bart. 249 00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:17,778 Hello, Principal Skinner. 250 00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:20,865 This is the National Air and Space Museum, isn't it? 251 00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:27,913 Uh, this isn't going to be about Jesus, is it? 252 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,915 All things are about Jesus, Homer. 253 00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,500 Except this. 254 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:34,712 Your son has been working in a burlesque house. 255 00:12:34,795 --> 00:12:37,381 Principal Skinner saw him with his own eyes. 256 00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:39,467 That's true, but I was only in there 257 00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:41,510 to get directions on how to get away from there. 258 00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,387 Helen, as a responsible parent 259 00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,514 I was already well aware of that. 260 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:48,017 Homer, I'm as permissive as the next parent. 261 00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,311 I mean, just yesterday I let Todd buy some red hots 262 00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:52,146 with a cartoon devil on the box 263 00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:54,398 but you can't possibly think it's appropriate 264 00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:56,358 for your ten-year-old son 265 00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:57,943 to work in a burlesque house. 266 00:12:58,027 --> 00:13:00,654 Oh, no? Well, if Homer Simpson 267 00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:03,115 wants his ten-year-old son working in a burlesque house, 268 00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:05,242 then Homer Simpson's ten-year-old son 269 00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:07,661 is going to work in a burlesque house! 270 00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:08,745 That… 271 00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,540 Hi. 272 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:14,460 Now, Marge, you're gonna hear a lot of crazy talk 273 00:13:14,543 --> 00:13:16,796 about Bart working in a burlesque house… 274 00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:22,510 "Maison Derriere"? 275 00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:24,428 I can't believe there's a place 276 00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:27,348 like that in our wholesome little town. 277 00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:29,225 Homer, did you know it was a burlesque house 278 00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:30,851 when you sent Bart to work there? 279 00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:33,270 No. I only learned that four days ago. 280 00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:37,024 What were you thinking sending Bart to such an awful place? 281 00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:41,487 I was trying to punish him exactly like you would. 282 00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:42,822 So, in a way 283 00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:44,657 you really dropped the ball on this one. 284 00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:46,158 This is your mess 285 00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:48,494 and I'll be damned if I'm gonna clean it up. 286 00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:53,582 Please come in, Mrs. Simpson. 287 00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,918 How can I be of service? 288 00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:58,254 I have a favor to ask. 289 00:13:58,337 --> 00:13:59,964 Please shut this place down 290 00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:01,799 and move away from Springfield. 291 00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:03,634 Oh, honey, you can't be serious. 292 00:14:03,717 --> 00:14:05,845 Springfield doesn't want places like this. 293 00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:08,222 I think I know what Springfield wants, sugar. 294 00:14:08,305 --> 00:14:12,351 Oh? I've lived in this town for 37 years. 295 00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:14,019 I've lived here 52 years. 296 00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:16,063 - I'm third generation. - Sixth. 297 00:14:16,146 --> 00:14:18,440 Get out of my town! 298 00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:21,235 Listen, darling, we're just as much a part of Springfield 299 00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:24,530 as the church, the library or the crazy house, 300 00:14:24,613 --> 00:14:27,950 so I think I'll stay right here… neighbor. 301 00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:29,451 Is that so? 302 00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:32,705 Well, sleazy entertainment and raunchy jokes 303 00:14:32,788 --> 00:14:36,834 will never be as popular as sobriety and self-denial. 304 00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:38,419 You're about to learn 305 00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:40,004 the two most dangerous words 306 00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:43,424 in the English language are "Marge Simpson." 307 00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:47,219 It's the light pink '87 wagon. 308 00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:50,014 And after visiting the area for, uh, 309 00:14:50,097 --> 00:14:51,640 the past two months 310 00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:54,143 I have determined it is not feasible to construct 311 00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:57,354 a super-train between Springfield and Aruba. 312 00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:01,817 Next on the agenda is, uh… 313 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,069 The Citizens' Committee on Moral Hygiene. 314 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:11,160 I'm here to share my moral outrage 315 00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:12,703 but this time it's not about 316 00:15:12,786 --> 00:15:14,830 that giant inflatable Dos Equis bottle. 317 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:18,042 It's about a certain house in our town. 318 00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:20,085 What's wrong with this house? Is it the plumbing? 319 00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:25,841 No. It's a house of ill fame, a house of loose ethics. 320 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,885 Is there a building code violation? 321 00:15:27,968 --> 00:15:28,968 A drainage issue? 322 00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:30,012 A surveying error? 323 00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:32,056 The house is perfectly fine. 324 00:15:32,139 --> 00:15:33,766 Well, then quit bad-mouthing the house. 325 00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:35,893 Yeah. Leave the house alone. 326 00:15:35,976 --> 00:15:39,813 Oh, geez, it's what's inside the house that's disgraceful… 327 00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:42,524 Drinking, gambling and debauchery. 328 00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:45,778 It's right under our noses… A secret house 329 00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:47,154 of burlesque. 330 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:49,934 - Oh, my. - That's right. 331 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,158 That's not good. 332 00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:53,619 People, this is an issue that we as a town 333 00:15:53,702 --> 00:15:55,204 are strong enough to ignore. 334 00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:58,082 Let us give no more scrutiny to this bawdy house 335 00:15:58,165 --> 00:16:00,918 and its small clientele of loyal perverts. 336 00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:02,711 Oh, I'm afraid this problem 337 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:05,255 goes far beyond Eugene and Rusty. 338 00:16:07,591 --> 00:16:09,093 Marge, if you please. 339 00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:13,764 Julius! 340 00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:16,433 Clancy! 341 00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:18,143 Skinner? 342 00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:20,104 - Seymour! - Mother… 343 00:16:20,187 --> 00:16:21,981 Patty? 344 00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:23,064 Cletus! 345 00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:27,444 Oh. Uh, Barney. 346 00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:29,780 Clancy! 347 00:16:29,863 --> 00:16:31,407 Hey, come on! You did me twice! 348 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,868 Smithers? 349 00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:37,413 My parents insisted I give it a try, sir. 350 00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:38,956 Mayor Quimby! 351 00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:41,625 Uh, well, that could be any mayor. 352 00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:43,544 I rest my case. 353 00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:46,797 Er, uh, well… In light of these new facts, 354 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,216 of which I now realize I was largely aware, 355 00:16:49,299 --> 00:16:50,968 I must take action. 356 00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:54,304 All in favor of demolishing our beloved burlesque house 357 00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:55,806 raise your hands. 358 00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:04,690 Are they talking about the bordello? 359 00:17:04,773 --> 00:17:07,943 No, the burlesque house, so just keep your mouth shut. 360 00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:17,953 Oh, there's no justice like angry-mob justice. 361 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,080 I'm going to burn all the historic memorabilias. 362 00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:22,124 I'm going to take me home a toilet. 363 00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:23,709 Well, there'd better be two. 364 00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:28,297 Who is it? 365 00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:29,631 Uh, it's an angry mob, ma'am. 366 00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,800 Could you step outside for a twinkle 367 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,302 while we knock down your house? 368 00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:34,720 Just a minute. 369 00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:44,521 Stand aside, you degenerate, two-bit proprietress. 370 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:47,066 Don't you call me that. I'm an entrepreneuse. 371 00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:49,860 Oh, shut up. You're wasting valuable smashing time. 372 00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:57,743 Dad, we can't let this happen to Belle. 373 00:17:57,826 --> 00:17:58,827 Do something. 374 00:17:58,911 --> 00:17:59,911 Don't you worry, son. 375 00:18:01,997 --> 00:18:03,248 My friends! 376 00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:04,374 Stop! 377 00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:07,753 Please hurry. 378 00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:10,839 Sure. We could tear this house down… 379 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,174 Yeah! Oh, yeah! 380 00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:15,177 No! My friends, stop! 381 00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:16,428 Let me finish. 382 00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:18,722 We could tear it down 383 00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:23,852 but we'd be tearing down a part of ourselves. 384 00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,772 * You could close down Moe's * 385 00:18:26,855 --> 00:18:28,607 * Or the Kwik-E-Mart * 386 00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:32,736 * And nobody would care * 387 00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:37,741 * But the heart and soul of Springfield's in * 388 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:42,830 * Our Maison Derriere… * 389 00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:47,835 ♪♪ 390 00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:49,503 * We're the sauce on your steak * 391 00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:52,089 * We're the cheese in your cake * 392 00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:56,093 * We put the "Spring" in Springfield * 393 00:18:56,176 --> 00:18:58,720 * We're the lace on the nightgown * 394 00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:00,514 * The point after touchdown * 395 00:19:00,597 --> 00:19:04,434 * Yes, we put the "Spring" in Springfield * 396 00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:06,645 * We're that little extra spice * 397 00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:08,856 * That makes existence extra nice * 398 00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:13,110 * A giddy little thrill at a reasonable price * 399 00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:15,279 * Our only major quarrel's * 400 00:19:15,362 --> 00:19:17,531 * With your total lack of morals * 401 00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:19,533 * Our skimpy costumes ain't so bad * 402 00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:21,660 * They seem to entertain your dad * 403 00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:27,291 * The gin in your martini * 404 00:19:27,374 --> 00:19:29,710 * The clams on your linguine * 405 00:19:29,793 --> 00:19:31,128 * Yes, we keep the… * 406 00:19:32,212 --> 00:19:33,755 * In Springfield * 407 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:35,549 * We remember our first visit * 408 00:19:35,632 --> 00:19:37,718 * The service was exquisite * 409 00:19:37,801 --> 00:19:39,928 * Why, Joseph I had no idea * 410 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,472 * Come on, now, you were working here * 411 00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:44,266 * Without it we'd have had no fun * 412 00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:46,602 * Since March of 1961 * 413 00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:48,896 * To shut them down now would be twisted * 414 00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:55,861 * We just heard this place existed… * 415 00:19:57,946 --> 00:20:00,991 * We're the highlights in your hairdo * 416 00:20:01,074 --> 00:20:03,076 * The extra arms on Vishnu * 417 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,871 * So don't take the… * 418 00:20:07,414 --> 00:20:10,751 * We won't take the… * 419 00:20:12,085 --> 00:20:15,047 * Yes, let's keep the… * 420 00:20:16,256 --> 00:20:21,803 * …in Springfield * 421 00:20:26,683 --> 00:20:28,352 Well, I'm convinced. 422 00:20:28,435 --> 00:20:30,062 The house stays. 423 00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:34,942 This house is a very, very, very fine house. 424 00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:36,777 Here I come, everybody! 425 00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:38,820 No! No! 426 00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:40,072 Stop! Stop! 427 00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:41,281 What are you doing, Marge? 428 00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:42,658 Didn't you hear the song? 429 00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:44,826 No. I had to go rent the bulldozer. 430 00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:46,954 Well, we all changed our minds. 431 00:20:47,037 --> 00:20:48,830 Yeah. Now we love the house. 432 00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:51,041 What about the sleaze and the depravity? 433 00:20:51,124 --> 00:20:53,168 It was a very convincing song, Marge. 434 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,212 Mm-hmm. There were kicks and everything. 435 00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:57,506 Hmm… Can you sing it again? 436 00:20:57,589 --> 00:20:59,132 I'm sorry. 437 00:20:59,216 --> 00:21:01,176 It really was one of those spur-of-the-moment-type things. 438 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:05,013 Well, I also have a song to sing. 439 00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:08,058 Don't make up your mind until you hear both songs. 440 00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:12,396 * Morals and ethics * 441 00:21:12,479 --> 00:21:14,189 * And carnal forbearance… * 442 00:21:17,317 --> 00:21:19,069 Uh… sorry. 443 00:21:19,152 --> 00:21:20,988 Thanks a lot, Marge. 444 00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:24,366 That was our only burlesque house. 445 00:21:24,449 --> 00:21:27,327 I do love it when you drop by, Marge. 446 00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:30,205 Next time, why don't we get together at your house. 447 00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:31,999 I'm so sorry. 448 00:21:32,082 --> 00:21:33,792 How can we ever make this up to you? 449 00:21:33,875 --> 00:21:35,919 Oh, there's a way, Mom. 450 00:21:38,505 --> 00:21:41,800 So, Twiggy, I hear you and your husband Woody 451 00:21:41,883 --> 00:21:43,051 just had a baby. 452 00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:44,678 What did you name him? 453 00:21:44,761 --> 00:21:45,887 Chip. 454 00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:48,765 Take it off! 455 00:21:48,849 --> 00:21:50,642 All right, Dad, you've been warned. Let's go. 456 00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:51,810 Hey… 457 00:21:51,893 --> 00:21:53,061 - Come on. - Easy. 458 00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:56,023 ♪♪ 459 00:22:43,612 --> 00:22:46,865 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.