1 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:06,172 * The Simpsons * 2 00:00:09,759 --> 00:00:11,261 D'oh! 3 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,781 You sure look stupid in that green dress, Lis. 4 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:34,868 That's funny. I don't feel stupid. 5 00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:40,999 Hey, everybody's wearing green. 6 00:00:41,082 --> 00:00:42,709 Oh, no. 7 00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,044 Pinch! Pinch! Pinch! 8 00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:46,504 Happy St. Patrick's day, loser. 9 00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:48,256 Ow! Quit it! 10 00:00:48,339 --> 00:00:50,133 It's the wearin' of the green, Bart. 11 00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:51,509 Pinch! Pinch! Pinch! 12 00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:53,386 No one's pinching his legs. 13 00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:54,804 Pinch! Pinch! Pinch! 14 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,181 Oh… 15 00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:01,186 It's been St. Patrick's Day for hours, 16 00:01:01,269 --> 00:01:03,855 and I'm still not drunk yet. 17 00:01:03,938 --> 00:01:06,775 Oh, it's never gonna be 9:00. 18 00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,985 Moe! Thank God, you're here. 19 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,904 We'd like to come in and drink, please. 20 00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:12,405 We kicked down the back door 21 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:13,573 but then, there was a metal door. 22 00:01:13,656 --> 00:01:15,116 Yeah, all right, listen up. 23 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,660 This is the busiest drinking day of the year. 24 00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,329 Where are the designated drivers? 25 00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:21,623 Beat it. I got no room for cheapskates. 26 00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:27,670 Top o' the morning to ye on this gray, drizzly afternoon. 27 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,131 Kent O'Brockman live on Main Street 28 00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:32,467 where today, everyone is a little bit Irish, 29 00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:35,720 except, of course, for the gays and the Italians. 30 00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:38,389 All right, then, move along. 31 00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:39,682 Nothing to see here. 32 00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:41,142 Show's over, folks. 33 00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:43,937 Parades just bring out so many emotions in me… 34 00:01:44,020 --> 00:01:46,481 joy, excitement, looking… 35 00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:49,067 Mom, can I go buy one of those long, plastic horns? 36 00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:50,902 Oh, Bart, we've bought those before, 37 00:01:50,985 --> 00:01:52,403 and you always just throw them out the car window 38 00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:53,488 on the ride home. 39 00:01:53,571 --> 00:01:55,115 I get bored with them. 40 00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:57,033 But that won't happen this time. 41 00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:03,039 Beep! Beep! Coming through! 42 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,874 Hey, Notre Dame, move it or lose it. 43 00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:07,919 Will the owner of the great big butt 44 00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:09,295 please move it out of my face? 45 00:02:11,047 --> 00:02:13,091 Hey, Ma, I'm on TV. 46 00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:14,592 Hey, where's that weather chick? 47 00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:16,177 This is some wicked party, huh? 48 00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:18,054 Hey, have you seen Sully? 49 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,124 Get away from there. 50 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,598 Hey! I need that pencil! 51 00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:22,100 Ladies and gentlemen, 52 00:02:22,183 --> 00:02:24,018 what you're seeing is a total disregard 53 00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:26,604 for the things St. Patrick's Day stands for. 54 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:29,107 All this drinking, violence, destruction of property… 55 00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:31,234 are these the things we think of when we think of the Irish? 56 00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:45,456 Hey, give me some room. 57 00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:47,667 Watch your elbow, Seamus. 58 00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:49,836 Hey, look, everybody, free beer. 59 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:54,799 Open your yaps, boyos. 60 00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:01,972 Hey, what the… 61 00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:07,145 Everybody… 62 00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:09,480 everybody get naked. 63 00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,107 Come on, don't be stuck-up. 64 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,692 It's going to be great. 65 00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:14,444 Well, why not? 66 00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:17,989 This party's just getting started! 67 00:03:18,072 --> 00:03:19,324 Stop the celebration. 68 00:03:19,407 --> 00:03:21,159 That small boy is drunk. 69 00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:26,664 That's not right. 70 00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:27,734 Look at that. 71 00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,418 Yay, Bart! 72 00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:38,301 Look at me. 73 00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:40,720 I'm the prime minister of Ireland. 74 00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:44,933 Hey, Homer, ain't that your kid on TV? 75 00:03:49,103 --> 00:03:51,189 What are you looking at? 76 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:56,277 "What are you looking at?" 77 00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:58,988 The innocent words of a drunken child. 78 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,324 Well, I'll tell you what we're looking at, young man… 79 00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:03,159 a town gone mad… 80 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,328 a town whose very conscience was washed away 81 00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:07,747 in a tide of beer and green vomit. 82 00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:09,707 I'm going down to Moe's for a couple of beers. 83 00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:12,418 - I'll come with you. - No! No more drinking. 84 00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:15,088 I'm tired of looking like the world's worst mother. 85 00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:19,175 Oh, honey, you're not the world's worst mother. 86 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,010 What about that freezer lady in Georgia? 87 00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:24,180 But what's the solution? 88 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,975 Are we so bereft of ideas that we must revive 89 00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:29,978 the antiquated notion of prohibition? 90 00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:31,729 Channel six says yes. 91 00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:33,481 Prohibition. Pfft! 92 00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:34,691 They tried that in the movies 93 00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:35,760 and it didn't work. 94 00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:37,443 I predict this is the last 95 00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,779 we'll be hearing about prohibition. 96 00:04:39,862 --> 00:04:41,656 We want prohibition! 97 00:04:41,739 --> 00:04:43,533 We want prohibition! 98 00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:45,660 You can't seriously want to ban alcohol. 99 00:04:45,743 --> 00:04:49,038 It tastes great, makes women appear more attractive, 100 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:52,583 and makes a person virtually invulnerable to criticism. 101 00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:57,171 Oh, won't somebody please think of the children? 102 00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,007 What kind of an example are we setting? 103 00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:01,301 Ladies, please. All our founding fathers, 104 00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:03,428 astronauts and world series heroes 105 00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:05,596 have been either drunk or on cocaine. 106 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,265 Uh, uh, oh, oh, wait. 107 00:05:07,348 --> 00:05:08,334 Lookee here. 108 00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:11,394 Seems there's been a prohibition law 109 00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:15,189 on the books in Springfield for 200 years. 110 00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:16,816 It's just never been enforced. 111 00:05:16,899 --> 00:05:19,235 Get out of here, old clerk guy. 112 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:22,989 There's also a law requiring ducks to wear long pants. 113 00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:24,741 Wait a minute, let me see that. 114 00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:27,744 Well, I'll be darned… long pants. 115 00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:30,288 Read the other one, the non-duck one. 116 00:05:30,371 --> 00:05:33,791 "…and spirituous beverages are hereby prohibited 117 00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:36,711 under penalty of catapult." 118 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:47,388 Did you see this, Bernice? 119 00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:49,390 Eh… Oh, my. 120 00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:07,617 No, we're not worried. 121 00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:10,703 Our customers buy Duff for its robust taste, 122 00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:12,622 not its alcoholic content. 123 00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:16,042 I predict our new alcohol-free Duff Zero 124 00:06:16,125 --> 00:06:18,294 will sell even better than our previous brand. 125 00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:22,715 Oh, yeah. 126 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,347 Well, that's the end of me. 127 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,983 ♪♪ 128 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,402 Dateline: Springfield. 129 00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:43,736 With prohibition back in force 130 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:45,530 sobriety's peaceful slumber 131 00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:47,907 was shattered by its noisy neighbor, the speakeasy. 132 00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:50,243 Glad you're finally back in business, Moe. 133 00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:52,578 Yeah, that was a scary couple of hours. 134 00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:53,913 The suppliers of the illegal booze? 135 00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:55,623 Gangsters running truckloads 136 00:06:55,706 --> 00:06:57,583 of smuggled hooch all the way from Shelbyville 137 00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,502 and John Law was helpless. 138 00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:02,380 You didn't see nothing. 139 00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:04,257 I don't know why people are always 140 00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:05,340 bad-mouthing the mafia. 141 00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:09,554 ♪♪ 142 00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:18,603 Wa-hoo! 143 00:07:18,646 --> 00:07:20,398 So! 144 00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:23,526 Ah, geez. This looks bad. 145 00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:25,319 Better turn on the old Wiggum charm. 146 00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:32,201 Pervert! 147 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,370 Oh, boy, that sounded bad. 148 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,414 We demand you bring in a police chief 149 00:07:36,497 --> 00:07:38,416 who will enforce the prohibition law. 150 00:07:38,499 --> 00:07:39,667 Demand? 151 00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:40,877 Who are you to demand anything? 152 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,462 I run this town. 153 00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:45,465 You're just a bunch of low-income nobodies. 154 00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:47,425 Election in November. Election in November. 155 00:07:47,508 --> 00:07:48,551 What, again?! 156 00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,803 This stupid country. 157 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:52,722 With rum-running hoodlums in the catbird's seat, 158 00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:54,599 Springfield sent for the one man 159 00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:56,642 who could clean up the town and shoot the gangsters… 160 00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,060 Rex Banner. 161 00:08:16,245 --> 00:08:17,580 Ow! 162 00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:20,791 Hey, I was watching that and I was sitting there. 163 00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:23,503 Rex Banner. I'm running this department now. 164 00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:24,629 Wiggum, you're out… 165 00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:26,047 suspended indefinitely. 166 00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:27,130 Huh? 167 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,342 Tuck in that shirt! 168 00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:30,551 Get those shoes shined! 169 00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:31,928 Take that badge out of your mouth! 170 00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:33,012 You're police officers. 171 00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:35,306 What are you waiting for… 172 00:08:35,389 --> 00:08:37,141 somebody to kiss you good-bye? 173 00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:39,060 Well… 174 00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:40,645 no, no, no. I guess not. 175 00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:46,442 Wasting no time, 176 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:47,985 Rex Banner tore into the bootleggers 177 00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:49,445 like a chippie tearing into a lobster. 178 00:08:58,329 --> 00:08:59,956 How do you know you don't like bribes 179 00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:02,667 if you've never taken one? Here. 180 00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:05,878 Say, this is nice. 181 00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:07,380 No! No bribes! 182 00:09:07,463 --> 00:09:08,798 Okay, you win. 183 00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:11,425 From now on, we'll stick to smuggling heroin. 184 00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:12,510 See that you do! 185 00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:14,387 At first, I thought prohibition 186 00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:15,972 was a good thing. 187 00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:18,641 People were drinking more and having a lot more fun. 188 00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:21,394 But without beer, prohibition doesn't work. 189 00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:23,020 Hey, hi. 190 00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:24,522 Can I arrest any of you people for anything? 191 00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:25,940 - No. - Ah, geez. 192 00:09:26,023 --> 00:09:28,693 I don't have anything to do anymore. 193 00:09:28,776 --> 00:09:30,111 With Banner around, 194 00:09:30,194 --> 00:09:32,822 alcohol and crime are history in this town, 195 00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:33,906 and so am I. 196 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,866 Now, don't say that! 197 00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:37,910 Alcohol is a way of life. 198 00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:39,745 Alcohol is my way of life, 199 00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:41,622 and I aim to keep it. 200 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,499 Sounds like you have a plan. 201 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,626 Maybe I do, chief. 202 00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:48,796 Maybe I do. 203 00:09:48,879 --> 00:09:50,756 Come on, boy. Think of a plan. 204 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,508 I'm trying, Dad. 205 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,552 Kent Brockman at the now-closed 206 00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:56,012 Duff bottling plant, 207 00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,888 where a mysterious person in black 208 00:09:57,972 --> 00:09:59,515 keeps a solitary vigil. 209 00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:01,809 I've got it! 210 00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:03,311 We're going out, Marge. 211 00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:05,229 If we don't come back, avenge our deaths. 212 00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:06,313 All right. 213 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,526 Whoa, bonanza! 214 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,612 Let's load it up before the rats regroup. 215 00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:13,821 Right. Now remember: 216 00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:15,740 Don't mention this to anyone… 217 00:10:15,823 --> 00:10:18,409 not your mother, not Rex Banner, 218 00:10:18,492 --> 00:10:19,492 not anyone. 219 00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:31,797 Rex Banner… what a dope. 220 00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:34,842 Yeah. Look at him trying to aim that stupid gun. 221 00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:39,096 Hang on, son! 222 00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:45,686 Dad, knocking over a gravestone is bad luck. 223 00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:47,563 Really? I heard good. 224 00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,739 What happened to you, Homer? 225 00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:58,282 And what have you done to the car? 226 00:10:58,366 --> 00:10:59,784 Nothin'. 227 00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:02,662 I don't think it had broken axles before. 228 00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:03,954 Before! Before! 229 00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:05,748 You're livin' in the past, Marge. 230 00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:06,831 Quit livin' in the past. 231 00:11:10,252 --> 00:11:11,379 That's funny. 232 00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:13,923 I used to be able to go down there. 233 00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:17,677 Going bowling. Not back, avenge deaths. 234 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,637 Why do you have so many bowling balls? 235 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,055 Uh… 236 00:11:21,138 --> 00:11:23,307 I'm not gonna lie to you, Marge. 237 00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:24,642 So long! 238 00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:37,655 Ah, rats! Another gutter ball! 239 00:11:37,738 --> 00:11:40,074 Gee, Homer you sure do suck tonight. 240 00:11:40,157 --> 00:11:42,326 Yeah, suck like a fox! 241 00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,515 Here you go, barn. That'll be 45 bucks. 242 00:12:04,598 --> 00:12:06,684 45 bucks?! 243 00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:09,937 Well, this better be the best-tasting beer in the world. 244 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:12,731 You got lucky. 245 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:22,700 You see, boy, the real money is in bootlegging, 246 00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:24,827 not in your childish vandalism. 247 00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:27,496 Oh, so many wasted nights. 248 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,333 What's the matter, chief? 249 00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:33,461 Yeah, you've barely touched your Banana Kaboom. 250 00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:37,715 This isn't a very happy birthday for Rex Banner. 251 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,642 Hello, fishies! 252 00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:53,564 Listen, rummy, I'm going to say it plain and simple: 253 00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:54,982 Where'd you pinch the hooch? 254 00:12:55,065 --> 00:12:57,777 Is some blind tiger jerking suds on the side? 255 00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,195 Yes? 256 00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:02,406 Wait a minute. 257 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:05,493 I forgot to make sure the coast was clear. 258 00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:08,037 Ah, it's probably clear. Let's go. 259 00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:10,915 Beer! 260 00:13:10,998 --> 00:13:11,984 I can explain, Marge. 261 00:13:11,999 --> 00:13:13,417 Please let me explain. 262 00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:16,295 Oh, why won't let me explain?! 263 00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:18,255 You're the one the papers have been talking about… 264 00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,132 that mysterious "beer baron" 265 00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:22,092 who's been supplying Springfield with alcohol. 266 00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:24,553 How have you been getting away with this? 267 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,764 Well… and I can explain, remember? 268 00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:29,225 I fill the balls with beer that I found at the dump 269 00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:31,143 and then I bowl them and some underground pipes 270 00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:32,228 take them into Moe's. 271 00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:34,313 Homer, that's very clever. 272 00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:36,232 - Huh? - Mom! 273 00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:38,818 Well, it is. I've known your father since high school, 274 00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:40,611 and this is the cleverest things he's ever done. 275 00:13:40,694 --> 00:13:43,322 Besides, he's only breaking a silly, 200-year-old law. 276 00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:44,865 It is silly, Marge. 277 00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:46,367 And look at all the money I'm making. 278 00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:48,118 Whoo! 279 00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:50,955 Mom! Prohibition may be unpopular, 280 00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:53,040 but it's the law, and we still have… 281 00:13:53,123 --> 00:13:54,291 Go to your room, Lisa. 282 00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:02,535 Open up, curly. 283 00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:03,843 This is a raid. 284 00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:05,928 A raid?! Curly?! 285 00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:09,098 Um, all right, but, uh… 286 00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:12,142 I don't know what you expect to find 287 00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:16,856 in a, uh, simple, uh… neighborhood… pet shop. 288 00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:23,362 Pet shop, eh? 289 00:14:23,445 --> 00:14:25,155 Well, I just have one question: 290 00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:26,448 What kind of pet shop 291 00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:28,158 is filled with rambunctious yahoos 292 00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:30,077 and hot jazz music at 1:00 a.m.? 293 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,537 Um… 294 00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:34,331 uh… 295 00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:37,293 the… best… damn… pet shop in town! 296 00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:39,128 Yeah! 297 00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:40,211 All right, 298 00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:41,547 but you people remember: 299 00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:43,591 Baby turtles and alligators 300 00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:45,926 may seem like a cute idea for a pet, 301 00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:47,428 but they grow up. 302 00:14:47,511 --> 00:14:48,554 Let's go, boys. 303 00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:56,437 Ow! 304 00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:58,439 Those gears down there really hurt. 305 00:15:02,776 --> 00:15:05,237 You're out there somewhere, beer baron, 306 00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:07,531 and I'll find you. 307 00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,533 No, you won't. 308 00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:11,577 Yes, I will. 309 00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:13,287 Won't. 310 00:15:15,789 --> 00:15:16,789 Dateline Springfield. 311 00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:18,417 The illusive beer baron 312 00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:19,919 continued to thumb his nose at authorities. 313 00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:21,587 Swaggering about in a garish new hat 314 00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:23,631 he seemed to say, "Look at me, Rex Banner. 315 00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:25,299 I have a new hat." 316 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,218 Hey, boy, get cracking. 317 00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:30,137 Moe upped his order to 20 balls a night. 318 00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:31,597 Uh, Dad… 319 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,474 Call me beer baron. 320 00:15:33,557 --> 00:15:35,684 All the beer from the landfill is gone, beer baron. 321 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:36,894 We're out of business. 322 00:15:38,812 --> 00:15:40,105 But I can't be out of beer. 323 00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:42,900 I'm the beer baron. 324 00:15:42,983 --> 00:15:45,069 Homer, my customers are sobering up, 325 00:15:45,152 --> 00:15:47,071 and they ain't gonna stick around for the ambiance. 326 00:15:47,154 --> 00:15:48,864 You got to get me more beer. 327 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,282 Sorry. I'm all out. 328 00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,326 How about some turpentine or caulk? 329 00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:53,786 Delicious caulk. 330 00:15:53,869 --> 00:15:55,871 Look, find it, buy it, make it, I don't care. 331 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,374 Just get me some booze and fast. 332 00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:00,000 Make it, eh? 333 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,921 Forty-two bathtubs, please. 334 00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:06,298 You know, they're 50 for $3,000 today. 335 00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:07,383 I said 42! 336 00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:16,517 Now you're making your own alcohol? 337 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,186 That's more illegal than what you were doing before. 338 00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:21,605 Remember, honey, 339 00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:23,357 we're disobeying an unjust law here. 340 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,025 We're patriots. 341 00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:27,945 Like… all those people in jail. 342 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,665 Who wants a bathtub mint julep? 343 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,090 Are you the beer baron? 344 00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:49,675 If you're talking about root beer, 345 00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:53,095 I plead guilt-didilly-ilty as char-didilly-arged. 346 00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:55,097 He's not the baron, but he sounds drunk. 347 00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:56,598 Take him in. 348 00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:59,309 Are you the beer baron? 349 00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:00,894 Yes, but only by night. 350 00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:02,688 By day, I'm a mild-mannered reporter 351 00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:04,398 for a major metropolitan newspaper. 352 00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:06,483 Don't crack wise with me, tubby. 353 00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:07,735 Tubby? 354 00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:10,237 Oh, yes, tubby. 355 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,697 Hey, Banner, how's it hanging? 356 00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:13,198 None of your business. 357 00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:24,209 What on earth happened down there?! 358 00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:25,919 One of the stills… 359 00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:27,463 Uh, nothing, Marge. 360 00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:30,215 I think it must have been that bean I had for dinner. 361 00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:34,553 Ka-boom! Blam! 362 00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:36,346 Oh, excuse me again, dear. 363 00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:38,432 Homer, there's no point in pretending 364 00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:40,225 you're making those noises. 365 00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:42,770 Your homemade liquor is exploding again. 366 00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:44,688 What, dear? Ka-blammo! 367 00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:45,981 You made some money 368 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,150 and had the fun of being a wanted criminal. 369 00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,652 Why not quit now while you're ahead? 370 00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:51,736 Boom. 371 00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:56,200 I'll be right back. 372 00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:05,793 It's hot! Oh! 373 00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:09,213 Oh! Oh! Oh! 374 00:18:09,296 --> 00:18:11,256 Whoo. 375 00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:14,051 I've thought about what you said, honey, 376 00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:16,053 and I've decided to quit. 377 00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:18,472 Oh, well, fun's over. 378 00:18:18,555 --> 00:18:20,891 But I still have my wonderful money. 379 00:18:20,974 --> 00:18:22,434 Stick 'em up! 380 00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:25,062 Geez, what happened to you, Wiggum? You look terrible. 381 00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:26,438 Never mind how I look. 382 00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:27,940 You gonna give me the money or not? 383 00:18:28,023 --> 00:18:29,358 Well, I don't think so. 384 00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:31,318 You don't even have a trigger on that thing. 385 00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:33,237 Yeah, I had to sell the trigger and most of the handle 386 00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:34,780 to feed my family. 387 00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:35,989 Come on, give me the dough. 388 00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:38,242 I can throw this pretty hard. 389 00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:40,077 Poor Wiggum. 390 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,411 Poor Wiggum. 391 00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:43,622 I'll bet you really hate Rex Banner, huh? 392 00:18:43,705 --> 00:18:44,915 Um… who? 393 00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:46,458 The guy who took your job. 394 00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:47,542 Oh, yeah. 395 00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:49,378 More than anything in the world. 396 00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:52,339 Hey, how would you like to show him up 397 00:18:52,422 --> 00:18:54,258 by beating him at his own game? 398 00:18:58,011 --> 00:18:59,513 I'm happy to report 399 00:18:59,596 --> 00:19:02,432 that the flow of illegal liquor seems to have dried up. 400 00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:03,892 Public drunkenness has ceased 401 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,269 and those mysterious liquor clouds 402 00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:07,521 over Evergreen Terrace are gone. 403 00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:11,275 People, Rex Banner has won your war against alcohol. 404 00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:14,444 What about the beer baron? 405 00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:17,197 I suspect he was just an invention of the media. 406 00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:18,657 The idea that someone like that 407 00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:21,869 could operate under my very nose is laughable. 408 00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:28,375 Well, you all know what laughter sounds like. 409 00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:30,252 We now go live to Evergreen Terrace 410 00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:31,920 where I'm informed 411 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:35,299 that former police chief Wiggum has captured the beer baron. 412 00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:37,425 They captured Homer? 413 00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:41,471 Then the liquor-filled bowling balls traveled 414 00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:43,473 through a network of underground pipes 415 00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:46,643 finally emerging at a nearby speakeasy. 416 00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,520 You forgot one thing, Wiggum. 417 00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:49,771 Yeah? What's that? 418 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:52,816 I filled the balls with a funnel. 419 00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:57,070 That was a very sweet thing you did for poor Wiggum. 420 00:19:57,154 --> 00:19:58,822 But what's going to happen to you? 421 00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:01,533 Oh, probably just a slap on the wrist. 422 00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:04,453 "And he who shall violate this law 423 00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:06,580 shall be punished by catapult." 424 00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:09,416 Last time I help you. 425 00:20:09,499 --> 00:20:11,460 Sorry. I thought you'd get a fine 426 00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:13,253 or at most, three, four years in jail. 427 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,546 Hold it. 428 00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:16,798 This machine is two centuries old. 429 00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:17,882 Better test it first. 430 00:20:23,263 --> 00:20:24,806 Okay. Go ahead. 431 00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:27,517 Wait! Wait! You can't do this! 432 00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:31,021 All my husband did was violate a law that doesn't make sense. 433 00:20:31,104 --> 00:20:32,648 Now, I'll admit 434 00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:35,525 car crashes and fistfights have been down recently, 435 00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:38,403 but prohibition has cost us our freedom… 436 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:41,114 our freedom to drink. 437 00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:42,950 Now hold on a minute, missy. 438 00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:45,410 It's not up to us to choose which laws we want to obey. 439 00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:48,997 If it were, I'd kill everyone who looked at me cockeyed. 440 00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:51,375 Our laws are in place for a reason. 441 00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:53,210 Send him back to mama, boys. 442 00:20:57,547 --> 00:20:59,299 That was unexpected. 443 00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:02,844 Well, reset the catapult, and let's get this over with. 444 00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:04,429 Wait. 445 00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:06,932 I've discovered more lines on the parchment. 446 00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:09,559 It says that the prohibition law 447 00:21:09,643 --> 00:21:12,145 which was passed here 200 years ago 448 00:21:12,229 --> 00:21:16,441 was repealed 199 years ago. 449 00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:17,609 Release the prisoner. 450 00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:23,198 On behalf of the city, I'd like to apologize 451 00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:25,033 and ask how long it will take for you 452 00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,077 to flood this town with booze again. 453 00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:29,204 Well, sorry. 454 00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:30,998 I'm not in that business anymore. 455 00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:33,333 Four minutes. 456 00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:36,003 And so, one town's brief flirtation with prohibition 457 00:21:36,086 --> 00:21:38,547 ended in a joyous remarriage to lady liquor. 458 00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:40,674 Congratulations, Springfield. 459 00:21:40,757 --> 00:21:43,218 We wish you the very best. 460 00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:44,636 To alcohol… 461 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,806 the cause of and solution to 462 00:21:47,889 --> 00:21:50,225 all of life's problems. 463 00:22:44,279 --> 00:22:47,449 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.