1 00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:09,009 Spin-off! 2 00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:11,636 Is there any word more thrilling to the human soul? 3 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,096 Hi. I'm Troy McClure. 4 00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:15,598 You may remember me from such TV spin-offs 5 00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:19,602 as "Son of Sanford and Son" and "After Mannix." 6 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,771 I'm here at the Museum of TV and Television 7 00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:24,566 with a real treat for Simpsons fans, if any, 8 00:00:24,649 --> 00:00:27,402 because, tonight, we present the… 9 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,405 ♪♪ 10 00:00:40,623 --> 00:00:42,834 Not long ago, the Fox Network approached 11 00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:45,420 the producers of "The Simpsons" with a simple request: 12 00:00:45,503 --> 00:00:48,131 35 new shows to fill a few holes 13 00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:49,674 in their programming lineup. 14 00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:51,676 That's a pretty daunting task, 15 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,762 and the producers weren't up to it. 16 00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:56,765 Instead, they churned out three Simpsons spin-offs, 17 00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:59,059 transplanting already popular characters 18 00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:01,770 into new locales and situations. 19 00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:03,772 First up, a gritty crime drama 20 00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:06,775 starring Springfield's beloved police chief Wiggum. 21 00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,526 Keep at least one eye open, 22 00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:10,320 'cause his best friends, The Simpsons, 23 00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:12,614 just might pop in to wish him luck. 24 00:01:12,697 --> 00:01:14,574 Let's us wish him luck, too. 25 00:01:14,657 --> 00:01:15,867 Good luck, Wiggum. 26 00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:18,453 ♪♪ 27 00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:52,779 Ah, New Orleans. 28 00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:54,072 The Big Easy. 29 00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:55,740 Sweet Lady Gumbo. 30 00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:58,576 Old Swampy. 31 00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:00,703 I still don't understand, Clancy. 32 00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:03,123 Why give up your job as a small-town police chief 33 00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:05,375 to set up a detective shop in New Orleans? 34 00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:07,710 Oh, lots of reasons, I suppose. 35 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:10,004 Got kicked off the force for one thing. 36 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:11,631 For massive corruption. 37 00:02:11,714 --> 00:02:12,966 - For massive corr… Exactly. - Yeah. 38 00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:15,135 As for me, I was born and bred here 39 00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:16,803 in the mean streets of "N'awlins." 40 00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:18,471 Oh, sure, I left briefly 41 00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:20,473 to take that principal's job in Springfield, 42 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,225 but in my heart, 43 00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:23,893 I've always been a small-time hustler. 44 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,354 I know. That's precisely why I hired you 45 00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:28,106 as my leg man, Skinny Boy. 46 00:02:28,189 --> 00:02:30,066 I want you to put the word out. 47 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,902 Chief Wiggum is here to clean up this crime dump. 48 00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:36,072 Bleh. 49 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,825 Hmm? Looks like you've already got an enemy, Chief. 50 00:02:38,908 --> 00:02:42,078 You know, folks around here don't much care for law-and-order types. 51 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:45,165 Is that right? Well, maybe they'll change their minds 52 00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:48,126 once I arrest them for throwing skulls all over my floor. 53 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,758 Aw, man, what a day. 54 00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:57,844 It's no cakewalk being a single parent 55 00:02:57,927 --> 00:02:59,846 juggling a career and a family 56 00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:02,265 like so many juggling balls. 57 00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:03,683 Two, I suppose. 58 00:03:03,766 --> 00:03:06,311 Daddy, these rubber pants are hot. 59 00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:09,105 You wear them until you learn, son. 60 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,690 Mwah. 61 00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:18,907 - I gar-ohn-tee… - Will you stop saying that? 62 00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:21,993 So, Skinner, who do you figure threw that skull through my window? 63 00:03:22,076 --> 00:03:23,828 What's the word on the street? 64 00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:25,496 Well, to be honest, Chief, 65 00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,999 I haven't lived in New Orleans for 42 years. 66 00:03:28,082 --> 00:03:30,084 Although… 67 00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:32,503 according to an article I read in "Parade" magazine, 68 00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:35,798 a criminal by the name of "Big Daddy" runs this town. 69 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:37,508 Big Daddy, eh? 70 00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:39,802 Well, he won't feel so big 71 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:42,347 if he messes with Chief Wiggum, P.I. again, 72 00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:44,766 which I sincerely doubt he will. 73 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:04,160 Hey. 74 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,162 Oh, God! 75 00:04:18,716 --> 00:04:20,927 Lucky for you, this was just a warning gator. 76 00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:23,012 The next one won't be corked. 77 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,014 Listen up, Big Daddy! 78 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,349 You don't scare me. 79 00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:28,351 I'm three steps ahead of you. 80 00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:30,186 Oh, Chief? Your boy has been kidnapped. 81 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,105 Oh, God! 82 00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:38,319 Big Daddy's trademark calling card. 83 00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:41,072 See, it's right here inside the skull. 84 00:04:43,741 --> 00:04:46,494 Looks like we've got our first case ever, Skinny Boy, 85 00:04:46,577 --> 00:04:48,746 and this time it's personal. 86 00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:54,168 Chief Wiggum, P.I. will return right now. 87 00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:57,949 Who is this? 88 00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:00,091 It's me, Chief. I'm on the other extension. 89 00:05:00,174 --> 00:05:01,217 Now, you listen up, mon ami, 90 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,719 and you listen good, heah? 91 00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:05,555 The name's Daddy, Charles Daddy. 92 00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:08,266 Big Daddy! What have you done with my boy, Daddy? 93 00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:10,727 Ah, the boy is fine, so far. 94 00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:13,187 I taught him to play the spoons. 95 00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:15,732 If you ever want to see that boy again, 96 00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:18,609 I suggest you leave town today, heah? 97 00:05:20,069 --> 00:05:22,155 Huh. Sounded like some sort of party 98 00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:23,906 going on in the background. 99 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,950 Are there any parties today, Skinner? 100 00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:27,827 Nah. It's not really a party town, 101 00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:30,788 though if I remember correctly, they occasionally hold 102 00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:33,124 a function called Mardi… something. 103 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,302 Ahh. 104 00:05:50,224 --> 00:05:52,769 Huh? 105 00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:56,898 If it isn't my old friends from Springfield, 106 00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:58,358 the Simpsons. 107 00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:00,318 What brings you folks to New Orleans? 108 00:06:00,401 --> 00:06:02,570 Mardi Gras, man. When the Big Easy calls, 109 00:06:02,653 --> 00:06:04,322 you got to accept the charges. 110 00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:06,199 Chief Wiggum, I can't wait to hear 111 00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:07,992 about the exciting, sexy adventures 112 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,787 you're sure to have against this colorful backdrop. 113 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:14,332 Golly, I'd love to chat, but my son's been kidnapped. 114 00:06:14,415 --> 00:06:16,042 You haven't seen him, have you? 115 00:06:16,125 --> 00:06:18,378 Caucasian male between the ages of six and ten, 116 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:19,462 thinning hair. 117 00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:21,756 Over there. 118 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:24,300 Look, Big Daddy, it's Regular Daddy. 119 00:06:25,593 --> 00:06:26,677 The Chief! 120 00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:28,221 Ooh, I suppose I best to run. 121 00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:30,723 Lord have mercy, I wish I weren't so fat. 122 00:06:47,698 --> 00:06:49,534 Police business. 123 00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:02,839 Hang on, son, I'm coming to… Ow, ow! 124 00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:04,340 Hey, my tongue. 125 00:07:07,009 --> 00:07:08,511 Hee-ya! 126 00:07:11,347 --> 00:07:12,640 Ha! Ha! 127 00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:15,435 Nah! Nah! 128 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:19,939 What do you suppose the rent is on a hideout like that? 129 00:07:20,022 --> 00:07:22,817 It's not rented, Chief. It's stolen. 130 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,652 That's the Louisiana Governor's Mansion. 131 00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:25,903 It's been missing for eight months. 132 00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,290 You! 133 00:07:37,373 --> 00:07:39,500 Welcome to my maison, Chief. 134 00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:41,461 I've been expecting you. 135 00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:43,296 Is that so, Big Daddy? 136 00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:44,755 Well, expect this… 137 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:47,175 the arrest of you by me. 138 00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:50,136 Mais, cher, New Orleans is my town. 139 00:07:50,219 --> 00:07:52,638 Won't nobody going to mess with me. 140 00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:56,058 I got interests, and I ain't talking about stamp collecting, 141 00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:58,644 though I do find that extremely interesting. 142 00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,938 Oh, yeah? Well, that makes two of us. 143 00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:02,815 You know, boys 144 00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:05,526 there's an old saying down on the bayou that… 145 00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:12,450 He's gradually getting away, Chief. 146 00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:14,035 Ah, let him go. 147 00:08:14,118 --> 00:08:16,037 I have a feeling 148 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:18,080 we'll meet again each and every week, 149 00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:20,958 always in more sexy and exciting ways. 150 00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:24,295 Daddy, when I grow up, I want to be just like you. 151 00:08:24,378 --> 00:08:26,756 Better start eating, kid. 152 00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:27,882 Start eating? 153 00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:30,927 I didn't mean it that way. 154 00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:32,094 ♪♪ 155 00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:42,230 Oh, hi. 156 00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:44,232 Welcome back to our spin-off showcase. 157 00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:46,943 Could "The Simpsons" ever have maintained its popularity 158 00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:49,111 without Moe the Bartender? 159 00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:53,115 Let's hope so, because Moe's leaving to do his own sitcom. 160 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,660 But don't panic. He's taking a familiar sidekick with him. 161 00:08:55,743 --> 00:08:59,205 And his best friend Homer might just pop in to wish him luck. 162 00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:01,082 Let's take a peek. 163 00:09:05,294 --> 00:09:08,381 Well, I'd better go. 164 00:09:08,464 --> 00:09:09,715 I got a date with that lady 165 00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:10,925 in front of the drug store 166 00:09:11,008 --> 00:09:12,760 who's always yelling things. 167 00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:17,473 She told me she was washing her hair tonight. 168 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:20,351 Oh, I'm so desperately lonely. 169 00:09:22,770 --> 00:09:25,982 Aw, quit your bellyaching, you big loser. 170 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:27,358 Who…? Who said that? 171 00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:30,069 I did. It's me, Abe Simpson. 172 00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:32,071 But you're d-d-dead. 173 00:09:32,154 --> 00:09:35,283 I was, but I've come back… 174 00:09:35,366 --> 00:09:38,369 as your love testing machine. 175 00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:42,373 I'm the Love-Matic Grampa. 176 00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:48,713 * While shopping for some cans * 177 00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:50,673 * An old man passed away * 178 00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,883 * He floated up toward heaven * 179 00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:56,053 * But got lost along the way… * 180 00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:02,476 * Now he's the Love-Matic Grampa * 181 00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:05,062 * The wise, Socratic grampa * 182 00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:10,443 * And he'll fill our hearts with love * 183 00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:21,537 Don't be afraid, Moe. 184 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,998 I'm here to help you with your romantic problems. 185 00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:27,501 Hey, I don't need no advice from no pinball machine. 186 00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:29,754 I'll have you know, I wrote the book on love. 187 00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:32,590 Yeah. All quiet on the Western front. 188 00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:35,051 Ooh… 189 00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:37,428 Aw, kiss my dishrag. 190 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,349 See, that's your problem. 191 00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:42,683 You're a crab. 192 00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:44,560 Ladies like sweet-talkers. 193 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,396 Hey, I'm sweet. I'm sweeter than Jewish wine. 194 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:51,317 Then prove it. I want you to charm the next pretty young thing 195 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,110 that walks through that door. 196 00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:55,321 Mm, greetings. 197 00:10:59,617 --> 00:11:01,452 Son, it's me. 198 00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:04,538 I floated up toward heaven, but got lost along the way. 199 00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:08,334 Dad, is that really you? 200 00:11:08,417 --> 00:11:10,378 Darn tootin', you lousy fink. 201 00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:11,837 You buried me naked 202 00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:13,506 and sold my suit to buy a ping-pong table. 203 00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:15,383 What kind of a son… 204 00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:18,344 Call me when you get a karaoke machine. 205 00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:24,684 That's the second time he pulled the plug on me. 206 00:11:26,435 --> 00:11:28,562 I was just in a car accident. Can I use your phone? 207 00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,231 Using the phone's a four-drink minimum. 208 00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:33,901 What's the matter? I'm making as nice as I can. 209 00:11:33,984 --> 00:11:37,279 Test-lady. Test-lady. 210 00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:38,781 Go ahead, give it a try. 211 00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:40,658 It goes by how clammy your hands are. 212 00:11:40,741 --> 00:11:44,036 Well, I suppose I could use a laugh after that accident. 213 00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:51,669 Lovelorn. You need man. 214 00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:53,462 Moe near now. 215 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:54,672 Go near Moe. 216 00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:56,632 - What? - Go near Moe. 217 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,176 I'd say that's a pretty strong endorsement. 218 00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:00,845 So how about you and me go out sometime? 219 00:12:00,928 --> 00:12:02,263 You know, out back. 220 00:12:02,346 --> 00:12:05,641 I mean, out to dinner… 221 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,101 at a fancy French restaurant? 222 00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:09,311 - Bing! - Sounds great. 223 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:12,106 And if this love tester is as accurate as it looks, 224 00:12:12,189 --> 00:12:14,442 maybe we'll be having breakfast, too. 225 00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:16,527 Wooo! 226 00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:18,279 You did it, Grampa. 227 00:12:18,362 --> 00:12:19,572 You really are a love expert. 228 00:12:19,655 --> 00:12:21,073 Dang right. 229 00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:23,284 Fact is, I invented kissing. 230 00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:25,077 It was during World War I, 231 00:12:25,161 --> 00:12:26,495 and they were looking 232 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:27,747 for a new way to spread germs. 233 00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:40,426 Sorry, Grampa, but I got to stash you in the bathroom, 234 00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:42,511 so Betty won't get wise to us. 235 00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:47,933 This is not the evening I envisioned. 236 00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:49,477 Oh, jeez, she just got here. 237 00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:51,645 Give me some advice, quick! 238 00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:54,148 You know, just be sweet, pour on the honey, you know… 239 00:12:54,231 --> 00:12:56,275 Yeah, yeah, yeah, romantic. 240 00:12:56,358 --> 00:13:00,654 Ain't sunshine pretty, ain't flowers stupid, I got you. 241 00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:05,534 I've suffered so long, why can't I die? 242 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,328 You know what's great about you, Betty 243 00:13:07,411 --> 00:13:08,954 is you're letting your looks go gracefully. 244 00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:10,498 You're not all hung-up 245 00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:13,292 on looking attractive and desirable. 246 00:13:13,375 --> 00:13:14,877 It's just so rare and refreshing. 247 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:18,172 So, Moe, tell me a little about yourself. 248 00:13:18,255 --> 00:13:21,634 Myself… uh… uh, jeez. 249 00:13:21,717 --> 00:13:24,053 Um, I got to go to the can again. 250 00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,555 - Huh? - I got the runs. 251 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:32,436 Hey! Get away from that! Leave him alone! 252 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,939 It said I was gay. 253 00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:36,774 You all right, Grampa? 254 00:13:36,857 --> 00:13:41,695 Oh… Daisy, Daisy… 255 00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:45,491 give me your answer true… 256 00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:47,660 will you quit your clowning? I need help here. 257 00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:51,539 Whoa, tell her her rump's 258 00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:53,958 as big as the queen's 259 00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:57,795 and twice as fragrant. 260 00:13:57,878 --> 00:13:58,879 Okay. 261 00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:05,678 You are absolutely, positively the dumbest 262 00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:07,721 haunted love tester that I have ever met. 263 00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:11,767 What is going on in here? 264 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:15,312 Um, uh… Oh, gah… 265 00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:17,982 I might as well come clean with you. 266 00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:19,817 I ain't too good at talking to women, 267 00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:21,902 and I really wanted to do you, 268 00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:24,613 so I brought along the love tester to help me. 269 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,115 As you may have guessed, 270 00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:27,449 it's inhabited by the ghost 271 00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,243 of my friend's dead father. 272 00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:35,291 Why, you conniving, devious, monstrous, despicable… 273 00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:37,251 sweet, little angel. 274 00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:39,920 Look, Betty, if you just give me a chance… What? 275 00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:43,591 I can't believe you went to all that trouble for me. 276 00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:45,676 Mmm! 277 00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:47,887 Ding, ding, ding, ding. 278 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:51,015 Thanks, Grampa. 279 00:14:51,098 --> 00:14:54,143 Yeah, yeah, now how's about introducing me 280 00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:56,228 to that cute little pay phone out front? 281 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,319 He's horny. 282 00:15:05,529 --> 00:15:08,198 * He's the Love-Matic Grampa * 283 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:13,662 * And he filled our hearts with love * 284 00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:26,884 Welcome back. 285 00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:28,344 I'm talking with the curator 286 00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:29,929 of the Museum of TV and Television, 287 00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:31,931 Mr. John Winslow. 288 00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:33,849 In our final spin-off tonight 289 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,935 the Simpson family finally gets the chance 290 00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:38,562 to show off the full range of their talents. 291 00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:41,440 Unfortunately, one family member didn't want that chance 292 00:15:41,523 --> 00:15:43,192 and refused to participate 293 00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:45,152 but thanks to some creative casting, 294 00:15:45,235 --> 00:15:46,820 you won't even notice. 295 00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:49,615 Show us what you got, TV. 296 00:15:49,698 --> 00:15:53,827 Live from Radio City Music Room in downtown Springfield, 297 00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:58,666 it's The Simpson Family Smile-Time Variety Hour, 298 00:15:58,749 --> 00:16:01,669 featuring the Waylon Smithers Dancers 299 00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:04,630 and the Springfield Baggy Pants Players. 300 00:16:04,713 --> 00:16:07,675 And now… a family that doesn't know the meaning 301 00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:09,301 of the word "canceled," 302 00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:11,679 the Simpsons! 303 00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:15,474 * Come on along and bring the family * 304 00:16:15,557 --> 00:16:18,811 * Come along and join the fun * 305 00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:22,231 * Come along and join the family * 306 00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:25,776 * Join the family Simpson * 307 00:16:25,859 --> 00:16:28,028 * Roll call * 308 00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:30,155 Remember me? My name is Marge, 309 00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,783 the TV mom whose hair is large. 310 00:16:34,868 --> 00:16:36,829 Step back, mom, it's Bart's turn now. 311 00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:38,747 Eat my shorts, don't have a cow. 312 00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:42,835 I'm Lisa, peppy, blonde and stunning, 313 00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:45,045 sophomore prom queen five years running. 314 00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:47,631 Go… Lisa! 315 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:52,761 Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa. 316 00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:53,846 Stop the music. 317 00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:54,930 Where's Dad? 318 00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:01,603 - Here he is! - I'm hiding from 319 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,480 the-the-the ghost! 320 00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:06,358 - Ghost? What ghost? - Before the show, 321 00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:09,528 you said we were having a special ghost tonight. 322 00:17:09,611 --> 00:17:12,823 I said we were having a special guest tonight. 323 00:17:12,906 --> 00:17:14,742 Mr. Tim Conway. 324 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:18,662 What's a Tim Conway? 325 00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:19,872 Uh, 'bout 120 pounds. 326 00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:26,045 * It's the Simpson Family * 327 00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:31,258 * Smile-Time Variety Hour! * 328 00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:44,938 You know, Homer, we've all been busy as beavers 329 00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:47,107 preparing for our very own show. 330 00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:49,109 Marge, have you ever imagined 331 00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:52,112 what it would be like if we really were beavers? 332 00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:56,992 Yes, and it might look something like this. 333 00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:02,623 Honey I'm home. 334 00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:07,753 Hello, dear. How was work at the plant? 335 00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:09,797 It's not a plant, Marge. 336 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,132 It's a tree, and I've nearly chewed through it. 337 00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:14,259 Now, remember, my new boss 338 00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:16,053 is coming home for dinner tonight. 339 00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:18,931 I know, and I made your favorite: 340 00:18:19,014 --> 00:18:21,100 Stakes! 341 00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:24,353 Hey, would you two close the dam door? 342 00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:26,188 Bart! 343 00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:29,358 But that's where we live… a dam! 344 00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:33,362 Look, everybody! Maggie got her first tooth! 345 00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,116 Aw! 346 00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:40,160 Okay, now, before my boss comes, 347 00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:41,954 there's something important you should know. 348 00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:45,374 In a minute, Homie. I have to get the door. 349 00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:48,001 But, Marge! 350 00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:54,341 Uh, was it something I said? 351 00:18:54,424 --> 00:18:57,594 Yarr! Someone should be keelhauled for that one. 352 00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:03,433 I move that the last sketch be stricken from the record. 353 00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:04,935 Now, bring in the next offender. 354 00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:09,148 Inflation, trade deficit, 355 00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,108 horrible war atrocities… 356 00:19:11,191 --> 00:19:13,360 How are we supposed to do our big musical number 357 00:19:13,443 --> 00:19:15,195 with so many problems in the world? 358 00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:17,197 Well, I know one thing in this world 359 00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:18,574 that's still pure and good. 360 00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:19,657 Christian love? 361 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,994 No. Candy! 362 00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:25,122 Sweet, sweet candy! 363 00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:31,587 * I want candy * 364 00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:34,047 But don't you want to end world famine? 365 00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:36,216 * I want candy * 366 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:38,719 Or save the endangered Alaskan salmon. 367 00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:40,804 * I want candy * 368 00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:43,390 Well, if you won't think of society's ills… 369 00:19:43,473 --> 00:19:45,559 * I want candy * 370 00:19:45,642 --> 00:19:48,228 At least think of our dentist bills. 371 00:19:52,816 --> 00:19:54,651 * Got a new dance, and it goes like this * 372 00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:59,281 * And the name of the dance is the Peppermint Twist * 373 00:20:02,409 --> 00:20:05,204 * Yeah * 374 00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:07,623 * Lollipop, lollipop * 375 00:20:07,706 --> 00:20:09,625 * Oh, lolli, lollipop * 376 00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:11,251 * Lollipop * 377 00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:12,461 Ow. 378 00:20:15,422 --> 00:20:17,925 * Crack that whip * 379 00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:21,929 * Licorice whip * 380 00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:24,681 * I said whip it * 381 00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:25,933 * Licorice whip * 382 00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:38,237 * We want candy * 383 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:42,950 * We want candy * 384 00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:46,245 * Candy * 385 00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:54,044 A poem, by Hans Moleman. 386 00:20:54,127 --> 00:20:57,047 I think that I shall never see, 387 00:20:57,130 --> 00:21:01,551 my cataracts are blinding me. 388 00:21:01,635 --> 00:21:03,011 And they thought I stunk. 389 00:21:05,055 --> 00:21:08,225 Well, it's time to say good night. 390 00:21:08,308 --> 00:21:09,977 I wish our special guest Tim Conway 391 00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:11,520 didn't have to leave so soon. 392 00:21:11,603 --> 00:21:13,021 I'm still here. 393 00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:14,690 Fox wouldn't spring for a decent hotel room. 394 00:21:17,401 --> 00:21:18,819 He's just kidding. 395 00:21:18,902 --> 00:21:20,279 We'd like to thank Fox 396 00:21:20,362 --> 00:21:22,990 and the good people at Budget Lodge. 397 00:21:23,073 --> 00:21:25,200 Well, that's all the time we have 398 00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,160 so, this is the Simpson family 399 00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:30,122 saying, "As you walk down that road of life…" 400 00:21:30,205 --> 00:21:31,456 Hitchhike! It's faster. 401 00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:33,625 Bart! 402 00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:36,503 We're like this all the time. 403 00:21:36,586 --> 00:21:39,464 Good night, everybody! 404 00:21:43,093 --> 00:21:45,887 That's it for our spin-off showcase. 405 00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:48,432 But what about the show that started it all? 406 00:21:48,515 --> 00:21:50,517 How do you keep "The Simpsons" fresh and funny 407 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:53,020 after eight long years? 408 00:21:53,103 --> 00:21:55,605 Well, here's what's on tap for season nine: 409 00:21:55,689 --> 00:21:57,983 Magic powers! 410 00:21:58,066 --> 00:22:00,777 Wedding after wedding after wedding. 411 00:22:00,861 --> 00:22:04,197 And did someone say long-lost triplets? 412 00:22:04,281 --> 00:22:07,534 So, join America's favorite TV family 413 00:22:07,617 --> 00:22:11,163 and a tiny, green space alien named Ozmodiar 414 00:22:11,246 --> 00:22:13,165 that only homer can see 415 00:22:13,248 --> 00:22:15,167 on Fox this fall. 416 00:22:15,250 --> 00:22:17,169 It'll be out of this world, 417 00:22:17,252 --> 00:22:19,004 right, Ozmodiar? 418 00:22:19,087 --> 00:22:21,006 Damn straight, Troy, my man. 419 00:22:21,089 --> 00:22:23,467 TROY, OZMODIAR: Good night, America! 420 00:22:23,550 --> 00:22:25,135 ♪♪ 421 00:22:29,639 --> 00:22:30,766 ♪♪ 422 00:23:14,559 --> 00:23:17,813 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.