1 00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:06,256 * The Simpsons * 2 00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:10,677 D'oh! 3 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,470 Aah! 4 00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:31,573 Hello? Hello? 5 00:00:31,656 --> 00:00:34,743 We're here for the field trip. 6 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,455 Sorry. Sorry. 7 00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:39,914 Boy, it's getting harder and harder 8 00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:40,999 to make it here by 10:00. 9 00:00:44,085 --> 00:00:45,795 We'll start the tour in a second. 10 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,922 I've just got to check the answering machine. 11 00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:51,176 Oh, can't anybody in this town 12 00:00:51,259 --> 00:00:52,802 take the law into their own hands? 13 00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:58,016 Gather around, kids. 14 00:00:58,099 --> 00:00:59,726 We're about to enter the museum… 15 00:00:59,809 --> 00:01:01,019 Oh, man. 16 00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:02,604 …of crime. 17 00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:06,900 Now, what I am about to show you next 18 00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:08,860 may shock and educate you. 19 00:01:08,943 --> 00:01:10,445 Hold on to your values 20 00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:12,530 as we step through the looking glass 21 00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:14,949 into a hippie pot party. 22 00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:17,243 While Johnny Welfare plays 23 00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:19,579 acid rock on a stolen guitar, 24 00:01:19,662 --> 00:01:22,207 his old lady has a better idea. 25 00:01:23,833 --> 00:01:25,585 That's right. 26 00:01:25,668 --> 00:01:28,088 She's got the munchies 27 00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:31,007 for a California cheeseburger. 28 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,928 So the next time 29 00:01:35,011 --> 00:01:36,846 you're walking on the beach enjoying an hourglass 30 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:40,016 or making cheap low-grade windshields, 31 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:43,937 think where we'd be without sand. 32 00:01:44,020 --> 00:01:47,023 * Sand, sand * 33 00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:50,193 * Sand * 34 00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:53,196 Okay, that was the sand movie. 35 00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:56,825 Now, it'll just take me a second to set up our next movie. 36 00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:59,494 Oh, Miss Hoover, movies are a nice break, 37 00:01:59,577 --> 00:02:02,455 but couldn't we be doing something a little more challenging? 38 00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:04,499 Probably. 39 00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,216 The moon… 40 00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:15,927 for several years, she has fascinated many. 41 00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:19,764 But will man ever walk on her fertile surface? 42 00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:22,475 Democratic hopeful Adlai Stevenson says so. 43 00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:27,021 I have no objection to man walking on the moon. 44 00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:30,358 By 1964, experts say man will have established 45 00:02:30,441 --> 00:02:34,863 12 colonies on the moon… ideal for family vacations. 46 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,534 Once there, you'll weigh only a small percentage 47 00:02:39,617 --> 00:02:41,411 of what you weigh on earth. 48 00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:46,082 Slow down, tubby. You're not on the moon yet. 49 00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:49,752 The moon belongs to America 50 00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:52,964 and anxiously awaits the arrival of our astro men. 51 00:02:53,047 --> 00:02:55,675 Will you be among them? 52 00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:02,765 Miss Hoover, the movie's over. 53 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,893 Where's Miss Hoover? 54 00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:06,561 Hey, her car's gone. 55 00:03:06,644 --> 00:03:09,147 Maybe she drove to the moon. 56 00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:13,484 It's not my nature to complain, but so far today, 57 00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:15,570 we've had three movies, two filmstrips, 58 00:03:15,653 --> 00:03:18,031 and an hour and a half of magazine time. 59 00:03:18,114 --> 00:03:20,783 I just don't feel challenged. 60 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,161 Of course, we can make things more challenging, Lisa, 61 00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:25,496 but then the stupider students would be in here complaining, 62 00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,749 furrowing their brows in a vain attempt 63 00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:29,709 to understand the situation. 64 00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:33,213 We're now in the Communications Room 65 00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:35,256 or the Com Room. 66 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:37,383 Uh, this is a police radio… 67 00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:41,804 the single most important piece of equipment in the Com Room. 68 00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:44,390 As you can see, some of the boys like to put 69 00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:46,100 their banana stickers all over it. 70 00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:48,353 There's Chiquita. There's Del Monte. 71 00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:50,104 There's a Banana Co., 72 00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:51,773 Gorilla's Choice. 73 00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:54,651 Now, everyone follow me to my chair, 74 00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:58,321 where I just need to get off my feet for a few minutes. 75 00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:00,865 Ahh! 76 00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:03,159 Ah… I won't be getting up soon. 77 00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:06,411 Testing. 78 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,291 Testing. 79 00:04:18,132 --> 00:04:19,884 Hey. 80 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,609 Testing! 81 00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:40,238 Testing, testing, testing… 82 00:04:40,321 --> 00:04:44,367 Testing, testing… 83 00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,507 You've really done it this time, Bart! 84 00:04:59,590 --> 00:05:02,302 You're in for the punishment of a lifetime! 85 00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:05,346 When do you expect the ringing will stop? 86 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:08,224 In about ten to 15 seconds. 87 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,018 I certainly hope so! 88 00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:12,478 Ooh! That's better. 89 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:16,316 Now, about your punishment, young man. 90 00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:19,152 I know. I'll go to my room and think about what I did. 91 00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:22,322 Oh, no. Your room is full of toys. 92 00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:24,157 You're going to the, uh, garage. 93 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,367 You're the boss. 94 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:28,328 I tell you, Chief, 95 00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:29,996 I just don't know what we're going to do with him. 96 00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:33,291 You know, you do have options. 97 00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:36,085 For example, there are behavior-modifying drugs. 98 00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,880 How wedded are you to the Bart you know? 99 00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:42,550 - Not very. - No. No drugs. 100 00:05:42,633 --> 00:05:44,886 Bart just needs a little discipline. 101 00:05:44,969 --> 00:05:46,637 Hey, what about military school? 102 00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:48,222 It set my brother straight. 103 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:50,850 Now he owns and operates a famous cave. 104 00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:54,020 Hmm. You know, maybe Chief Wiggum is right. 105 00:05:54,103 --> 00:05:59,650 Military school is a good idea. 106 00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:16,000 Wow! I can't believe we're going to Disneyland. 107 00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:17,668 Hey, where's all your luggage? 108 00:06:19,420 --> 00:06:21,547 - Hurray! - Oh, yeah! 109 00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:24,384 You dream about this day for so long. 110 00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,594 Then when it comes, you don't know what to say. 111 00:06:26,677 --> 00:06:28,221 Shh, shh, shh. 112 00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:31,891 Edna, your tears say more than words ever could. 113 00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:34,268 Military school? 114 00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:35,895 You lied to me. 115 00:06:35,978 --> 00:06:39,399 Well, I'm sorry if you heard Disneyland, 116 00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:41,984 but I distinctly said military school. 117 00:06:50,451 --> 00:06:51,869 And that's how we'll mold your boy 118 00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:54,038 into a productive member of society… 119 00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:55,331 through an intensive program 120 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,708 of push-ups and formation marching. 121 00:06:57,792 --> 00:06:59,669 Well, it certainly was nice of you 122 00:06:59,752 --> 00:07:02,255 to accept Bart in the middle of the semester. 123 00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:04,298 Fortunately, we've had a couple of recent freak-outs. 124 00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:06,759 So that freed up a couple of bunks. 125 00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:09,554 - Freak-outs? - If that happens, 126 00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:11,472 are we still charged for the entire semester? 127 00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,599 Our high standards challenge students 128 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:15,435 to reach their full potential. 129 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,562 Look at how disciplined they are. 130 00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:20,022 They're just like the terra-cotta warriors of Xian. 131 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,525 They sure are. 132 00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:23,860 Ow! 133 00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:26,404 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 134 00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:28,030 That's not so disciplined. 135 00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:29,407 They're just children, Mr. Simpson. 136 00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:31,325 Pww! I guess. 137 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:33,619 Truth is beauty, beauty truth, sir! 138 00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,872 They're discussing poetry. 139 00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:38,249 Oh! We never do that at my school. 140 00:07:38,332 --> 00:07:40,668 But the truth can be harsh and disturbing. 141 00:07:40,751 --> 00:07:42,753 How can that be considered beautiful? 142 00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:45,715 Oh, they sure sucked the fun out of that poem. 143 00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:47,175 Please don't make me stay, Dad. 144 00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:48,676 I'll do anything you say. 145 00:07:48,759 --> 00:07:50,052 I'll find religion; I'll be good, sometimes. 146 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,138 - Let go of my leg. - No! 147 00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:55,391 Son, for the last time you're staying at military school. 148 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:56,475 And so am I. 149 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,689 This school has everything I ever wanted. 150 00:08:01,772 --> 00:08:03,608 Lisa, no! 151 00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:05,568 This place is just a jail for children. 152 00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:07,320 No jail can hold me. 153 00:08:18,956 --> 00:08:21,459 All right, let's go over this one more time, 154 00:08:21,542 --> 00:08:23,669 just to make sure I understand the situation. 155 00:08:25,713 --> 00:08:27,673 You're a girl? 156 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,884 - Yes. - Oh, gosh darn it. 157 00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:31,802 I just don't understand the situation. 158 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,306 You're a girl. 159 00:08:35,389 --> 00:08:37,892 All I want is a chance to prove myself. 160 00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:44,190 In our 185 years, we have never had a female cadet. 161 00:08:44,273 --> 00:08:45,691 Oh, but that seems to be the way 162 00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:47,735 the wind is blowing these days. 163 00:08:47,818 --> 00:08:51,614 After all, we have female singers… 164 00:08:51,697 --> 00:08:54,075 female motorists. 165 00:08:55,451 --> 00:08:58,079 Welcome aboard. 166 00:08:58,162 --> 00:09:00,581 Lisa, if you ever want to quit and come home, 167 00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,875 I'll be here in half a jif. 168 00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:03,960 I want to quit and come home. 169 00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:06,879 I want to quit and come home. 170 00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:09,840 Oh, honey, I heard you the first time. 171 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:23,271 Atten-hut! 172 00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:26,440 Gentlemen, we now have a girl cadet among our ranks, 173 00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:29,193 so we're going to have to make a few changes. 174 00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:30,861 First of all, Franklin, 175 00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,488 you are no longer the girliest cadet here. 176 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,949 Well, we'll see about that. 177 00:09:35,032 --> 00:09:37,285 Second, this is now the girls' barracks. 178 00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:39,787 So pack your things. You're moving in with company "L." 179 00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:42,123 Company "L"? But they smell. 180 00:09:42,206 --> 00:09:43,416 Yes, we've all heard the chant. 181 00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:44,959 Now, fall out! 182 00:09:45,042 --> 00:09:46,419 Sorry. Sorry. 183 00:09:46,502 --> 00:09:48,838 I know we'll be friends. 184 00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:51,048 Talk about getting off on the wrong foot. 185 00:09:53,884 --> 00:09:55,970 I can't believe they let a girl in. 186 00:09:56,053 --> 00:09:59,098 Don't worry. We'll drive her out of the academy. 187 00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:01,809 That is why God created hazing. 188 00:10:11,819 --> 00:10:13,446 What's the matter? 189 00:10:13,529 --> 00:10:15,531 Don't girls like doing push-ups in the mud? 190 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:16,991 Is there any answer I can give 191 00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:19,577 that won't result in more push-ups? 192 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:23,539 No. 193 00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:29,337 Hey, look, it's the school motto. 194 00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:30,880 "I'll die before I surrender, Tim." 195 00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:32,548 Who's Tim? 196 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:35,718 Apparently, Tim was somebody who was with the general 197 00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:37,762 moments before he was shot in the head. 198 00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:39,221 Cleaning graffiti off a statue 199 00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:42,141 makes a mockery of everything I stand for. 200 00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:43,684 I don't think I can survive here, Lise. 201 00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:45,353 That's how they want you to feel. 202 00:10:45,436 --> 00:10:46,812 But if you just hang in there, 203 00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,230 they'll eventually accept you. 204 00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:49,982 Get to work! 205 00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:52,693 I want to see my face in that horse's ass. 206 00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:57,782 Okay, that's long enough. 207 00:10:57,865 --> 00:10:59,116 Let's see how they're doing. 208 00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:05,316 Had enough? 209 00:11:08,876 --> 00:11:10,252 What's say you, men? 210 00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:12,755 Has this lowly maggot passed the test? 211 00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:16,384 Congratulations, Bart. You made it. 212 00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:18,928 Hey, what about me? I'm a lowly maggot. 213 00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:27,436 Well, since you attended public school, 214 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,355 I'm going to assume that 215 00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:31,023 you're already proficient with small arms. 216 00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:32,650 So we'll start you off with something 217 00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:36,112 a little more advanced. 218 00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:45,788 Four out of five, Simpson… impressive. 219 00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:47,289 But you missed your last target. 220 00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:48,499 Did I? 221 00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:52,294 Ha-ha! 222 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,672 You're a born soldier, Simpson. 223 00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:56,549 Too bad it doesn't run in your family. 224 00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:00,219 Uh, could someone help me? 225 00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:02,304 It's stuck on "auto fire." 226 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:06,058 - Brad, you hear anything?! - No! 227 00:12:10,187 --> 00:12:12,231 Maybe you should just learn to use this. 228 00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:14,442 If there's a war, just blow on it, 229 00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:15,776 and I'll come help you. 230 00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:21,115 I am just calling home. 231 00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:23,242 I am not asking to come home. 232 00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:30,416 Marge! You got that? 233 00:12:30,499 --> 00:12:32,334 Marge! 234 00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,462 Hey, go on, boy. 235 00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:35,531 Go get it. 236 00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:36,532 Answer the phone. 237 00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:38,466 D'oh! 238 00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:39,925 There's got to be something 239 00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:41,677 on this thing for that thing. 240 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,637 Ahh. 241 00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:49,810 - Simpson. - Hot diggity! 242 00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:51,979 I don't care if it's bad news. 243 00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:54,148 Oh, Grampa, you're not busy, are you? 244 00:12:54,231 --> 00:12:57,735 Well, you're really asking two questions there. 245 00:12:57,818 --> 00:13:00,488 The first one takes me back to 1934. 246 00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:02,531 Admiral Byrd had just reached the pole 247 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,367 only hours ahead of the three stooges. 248 00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:07,369 And I guess he won the argument, 249 00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,497 but I walked away with the turnips. 250 00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:10,956 The following morning, 251 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,542 I resigned my commission in the Coast Guard. 252 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:16,587 The next thing I heard, there was civil war in Spain. 253 00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:20,007 And that's everything that happened in my life 254 00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:22,718 right up to the time I got this phone call. 255 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,471 Uh-huh. So, anything else you wanna talk about? 256 00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:29,350 Oh, I'm afraid I'd just be repeating myself, honey. 257 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,187 Anyway, other people need to use the phone. 258 00:13:33,270 --> 00:13:34,939 Mm-mmm. 259 00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:36,273 I've already talked to her for 20 damn minutes. 260 00:13:40,027 --> 00:13:42,321 Hmm? Oh! 261 00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:45,573 You're all right. 262 00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:49,578 What is it? 263 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,539 Bart, I got a cassette from Mom and Dad. 264 00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:53,791 I thought we could listen to it together. 265 00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:55,459 Ah, gee, Lise, I'd love to 266 00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:57,878 but this really isn't a good time. 267 00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,880 - Bart, who you talking to? - Uh… 268 00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:02,508 Lisa. You're talking to Lisa. 269 00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:03,843 I'm talking to… 270 00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:06,053 No one. 271 00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:12,309 All right, lights out! 272 00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:15,062 Ow! Damn it! 273 00:14:15,145 --> 00:14:16,689 Lights on. Lights on. 274 00:14:16,772 --> 00:14:18,649 Lights out. Lights out. 275 00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,530 And don't worry, sweetie. 276 00:14:24,613 --> 00:14:27,616 It's very common to be homesick 277 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:30,953 when you're so far away from the people who love you. 278 00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:33,956 Okay, I'm not going to give up. 279 00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:35,916 Solitude never hurt anyone. 280 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,793 Emily Dickinson lived alone, 281 00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:40,629 and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry 282 00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:43,549 the world has ever known… 283 00:14:43,632 --> 00:14:46,343 hmm… and went crazy as a loon. 284 00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:53,100 ♪ You are my sunshine, my only sunshine * 285 00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:57,313 * You make me happy when skies are gray * 286 00:14:57,396 --> 00:15:02,318 * You'll never know, dear, how much I love you * 287 00:15:02,401 --> 00:15:06,488 * So don't take my sunshine away * 288 00:15:10,951 --> 00:15:12,286 Sorry I froze you out, Lise. 289 00:15:12,369 --> 00:15:14,246 I just didn't want the guys to think 290 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:15,789 I'd gone soft on the girl issue. 291 00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:17,875 I'm tired of being an issue, Bart. 292 00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:20,502 Maybe everyone would be better off if I just quit. 293 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,171 But if you quit, it'd be like 294 00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:24,757 an expert knot-tier quitting a knot-tying contest 295 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,342 right in the middle of tying a knot. 296 00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:28,052 Why'd you say that? 297 00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:30,137 I don't know. I was looking at my shoelaces. 298 00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:31,889 Look, the point is you're going to make it, Lise, 299 00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:32,958 and I'm gonna stick by you. 300 00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:34,183 Don't do that. 301 00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:36,018 Why should we both be outcasts? 302 00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:38,187 Then I'll just stick by you in secret 303 00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:40,648 like a sock-maker secretly working on a top secret sock… 304 00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:42,274 will you stop looking at your feet? 305 00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:44,985 Well, cadets, it's been a great year. 306 00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:47,321 You've all worked very hard developing 307 00:15:47,404 --> 00:15:49,573 academic skills and general killing skills. 308 00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:51,492 My killing teacher says I'm a natural. 309 00:15:51,575 --> 00:15:55,621 But these skills are nothing without courage and stamina. 310 00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:58,916 Traditionally, the academy tested these virtues 311 00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:00,751 by pitting you against each other 312 00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:02,836 in a two-day Battle Royale. 313 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,839 That was prior to 1957. 314 00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:08,509 Thank you very much, State Supreme Court. 315 00:16:08,592 --> 00:16:11,428 Consequently now, no cadet can receive a passing grade 316 00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:15,307 for the academic year without first conquering this. 317 00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:17,267 Meet "The Eliminator." 318 00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:19,770 That's a 150-foot hand-over-hand crawl 319 00:16:19,853 --> 00:16:23,107 across a 60-gauge hemp-jute line with a blister factor of 12. 320 00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:26,110 The rope is suspended a full 40 feet 321 00:16:26,193 --> 00:16:29,863 over a solid British acre of old-growth Connecticut Valley thorn bushes. 322 00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:33,242 Gentlemen, welcome to Flavor Country. 323 00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:34,994 This wasn't in the brochure. 324 00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:41,583 Hey, Bart, come on over here. There's plenty of room. 325 00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:47,047 "Meet me at the Eliminator after lights out. 326 00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:48,757 "P.S…. The cadets are planning 327 00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:50,801 to throw their meatballs at you." 328 00:16:58,642 --> 00:17:00,811 That's it, Lise. Now start crawling. 329 00:17:00,894 --> 00:17:05,315 Oh, it's too hard. My hand is slipping. 330 00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:13,532 I can't do this, Bart. I'm not strong enough. 331 00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:15,951 I thought you came here looking for a challenge. 332 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:19,788 Duh. A challenge I could do. 333 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,540 It was worth sneaking into town. 334 00:17:21,623 --> 00:17:23,417 That was some good corn. 335 00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,586 Uh-oh. 336 00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:28,797 Uh, hey, Simpson. What are you doing out here? 337 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:31,884 - Nothing. -Nothing? Doesn't look like nothing. 338 00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:34,511 Oh, yeah? Well… um… 339 00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:36,096 What are you doing out here? 340 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:39,600 Uh… also nothing. 341 00:17:39,683 --> 00:17:41,393 Well. 342 00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:42,603 Okay. 343 00:17:42,686 --> 00:17:44,605 - Okay. - Then carry on. 344 00:17:44,688 --> 00:17:45,688 All right, we will. 345 00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:50,319 That was close. 346 00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:52,154 Bees. 347 00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:53,906 Bees. 348 00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:55,949 Bees? Aah! 349 00:17:57,451 --> 00:18:00,120 Gentlemen, I regret to inform you 350 00:18:00,204 --> 00:18:02,581 that the State Supreme Court has determined 351 00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:05,084 that forcing cadets to cross the eliminator 352 00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:07,461 is a barbaric and malicious practice. 353 00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:10,964 - Yes! -Hence, you will be the last class 354 00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:12,591 to be subjected to it. 355 00:18:12,674 --> 00:18:14,426 Anderson, you're up. 356 00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:26,063 Son of a… 357 00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:27,648 Jeez. 358 00:18:27,731 --> 00:18:30,317 Good job, Simpson. 359 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,486 Although that's more cursing than I like to hear 360 00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:33,946 from a cadet in peace time. 361 00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:37,032 Last up… 362 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,827 Simpson, Lisa. 363 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,429 Well, at least they're talking to me. 364 00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:17,573 Oh. 365 00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,702 If only I were in Springfield, 366 00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:25,080 all my friends would be cheering me on. 367 00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,875 Oh, God, I'm delirious. 368 00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:35,340 Drop, drop, drop, 369 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:38,010 drop, drop, drop, drop, drop, drop… 370 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,685 You can make it, Lisa. I know you can. 371 00:19:46,768 --> 00:19:48,187 Come on, I know you can do it. 372 00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,063 Just get your hands back on the rope. 373 00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:51,899 It's just a little further. 374 00:19:51,982 --> 00:19:54,526 Come on, just a little bit more. You're doing great. 375 00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:57,112 That's it. Come on, just a little bit more. 376 00:19:58,655 --> 00:20:00,574 I know you can do it! I believe in you! 377 00:20:05,913 --> 00:20:08,498 Yes! 378 00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:10,042 You thought I couldn't, 379 00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:11,835 but I could, I did, and I could do it again. 380 00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:13,921 Let's do it again! 381 00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:15,756 Lisa, it's over; you made it. 382 00:20:15,839 --> 00:20:17,257 You can put your arms down. 383 00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:19,426 I can't. They're stuck. 384 00:20:19,509 --> 00:20:21,428 We're going to make your life a living hell 385 00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:23,263 for the rest of the semester. 386 00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:26,433 But graduation's in three hours. 387 00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:28,477 Oh, we better go change. 388 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,854 ♪♪ The wars of the future 389 00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:33,941 will not be fought on a battlefield or at sea. 390 00:20:34,024 --> 00:20:36,443 They will be fought in space… 391 00:20:36,526 --> 00:20:39,321 or possibly on top of a very tall mountain. 392 00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:42,074 In either case, most of the actual fighting 393 00:20:42,157 --> 00:20:43,617 will be done by small robots, 394 00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:46,662 and as you go forth today, remember always, 395 00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:51,541 your duty is clear, to build and maintain those robots. 396 00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:54,586 Thank you. 397 00:20:57,047 --> 00:20:58,048 Well, Bart… 398 00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:01,677 Did you make sure to return all the guns? 399 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,804 Sir, yes, sir. Luckily I am now trained 400 00:21:03,887 --> 00:21:06,723 in six additional forms of unarmed combat, sir. 401 00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:11,603 - Well, he's got more confidence. - Uh, yeah. 402 00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:14,648 I've always said the boy could use more confidence. 403 00:21:14,731 --> 00:21:17,985 Lisa, before you go, 404 00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:20,320 I want to present you with this. 405 00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:22,739 A medal? 406 00:21:22,823 --> 00:21:23,949 Thank you, sir. 407 00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:29,454 "For satisfactory completion 408 00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:31,039 of the second grade." 409 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:32,916 - Oh. - Well, kids, 410 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:36,503 we're so proud of the way you completed military school, 411 00:21:36,586 --> 00:21:40,674 we thought this time, we'd take you to Disneyland for real. 412 00:21:40,757 --> 00:21:42,676 - Yay! - Yay! 413 00:21:47,597 --> 00:21:49,016 - Hey! - Hey! 414 00:21:58,900 --> 00:22:00,736 ♪♪ 415 00:22:43,403 --> 00:22:46,615 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.