1
00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:15,558
In a city of 8 million,
2
00:00:15,593 --> 00:00:19,107
it's not always easy
retaining your identity.
3
00:00:19,141 --> 00:00:21,279
I'll never eat jell-o again!
4
00:00:21,313 --> 00:00:25,126
But when you also have trouble
retaining your shape...
5
00:00:29,338 --> 00:00:31,912
That's when things
get a little sticky.
6
00:00:31,946 --> 00:00:33,382
Steady, boys.
7
00:00:33,416 --> 00:00:35,489
Don't shoot till you
see the light of its eyes.
8
00:00:35,523 --> 00:00:37,350
I don't think it has any....
9
00:00:40,172 --> 00:00:42,444
What the hell is that?
10
00:00:45,154 --> 00:00:47,491
I don't know, but you'd
better hand me that taser,
11
00:00:47,525 --> 00:00:48,896
'cause it's breaking the law,
12
00:00:48,897 --> 00:00:50,932
starting with...
13
00:00:50,966 --> 00:00:52,770
Resisting arrest...
14
00:00:52,804 --> 00:00:54,774
Robbery...
15
00:00:54,808 --> 00:00:56,610
Mail fraud...
16
00:00:56,645 --> 00:00:58,614
And kidnapping too.
17
00:01:00,988 --> 00:01:03,927
Better tack on sexual
harassment just to be safe.
18
00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:12,061
Sync by fant0m -
corrected by honeybunny
www.Addic7ed.Com
19
00:01:12,181 --> 00:01:14,679
Randall, the sink's clogged again.
20
00:01:14,714 --> 00:01:16,531
If you're gonna be pulling
your eyebrows off,
21
00:01:16,571 --> 00:01:18,554
please use the strainer.
22
00:01:23,933 --> 00:01:25,401
Oh, gross!
23
00:01:25,435 --> 00:01:29,247
There's enough hair here
for a '70s porno.
24
00:01:32,867 --> 00:01:34,922
I've got to get in there.
25
00:01:34,957 --> 00:01:37,424
They're making me come
in at work on my day-off.
26
00:01:37,649 --> 00:01:38,963
Can you believe it?
27
00:01:38,997 --> 00:01:40,265
Randall?
28
00:01:40,299 --> 00:01:41,367
What?
29
00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:44,373
What's your problem?
30
00:01:44,374 --> 00:01:46,688
Well, it was a clogged sink,
31
00:01:46,808 --> 00:01:49,445
but that's not even in
the top five anymore.
32
00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:50,578
Who are you?
33
00:01:50,579 --> 00:01:52,814
I rent an apartment the weekend.
34
00:01:52,853 --> 00:01:54,415
You talk to the zombie man, ok?
35
00:01:54,450 --> 00:01:56,719
I'm way ahead of you.
36
00:01:56,754 --> 00:01:58,155
Randall, hi.
37
00:01:58,189 --> 00:02:00,226
Why is there a yeti
sitting my toilet?
38
00:02:00,261 --> 00:02:02,497
Yeah - I do this every year
for the yeti convention...
39
00:02:02,532 --> 00:02:04,520
It's like I rent my room out
and stay in the van...
40
00:02:04,698 --> 00:02:05,871
And now I'm living large.
41
00:02:05,991 --> 00:02:07,109
You're living inan.
44
00:02:12,117 --> 00:02:13,023
Mais oui.
45
00:02:13,143 --> 00:02:15,857
Zombie man said
utilities were included.
46
00:02:15,891 --> 00:02:17,734
That's not a utility.
That's...Wow!
47
00:02:17,854 --> 00:02:20,725
The least you could do is wear
some shorts around here, man.
48
00:02:27,445 --> 00:02:30,544
Well, well,
look who decided to show up.
49
00:02:32,007 --> 00:02:34,144
I cleared this with you.
Months ago.
50
00:02:34,264 --> 00:02:36,042
I think I would have
remembered that.
51
00:02:36,162 --> 00:02:37,417
I sent an email...
No.
52
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:38,416
A memo...
No.
53
00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:39,735
A notarized letter.
No.
54
00:02:39,750 --> 00:02:40,586
The stripperram?-
55
00:02:40,645 --> 00:02:41,893
- no.
- Really?
56
00:02:41,927 --> 00:02:43,495
You don't remember
the stripper-gram?
57
00:02:43,529 --> 00:02:44,796
No.
All right, look.
58
00:02:44,830 --> 00:02:46,364
Truth is, we are uncomfortable
59
00:02:46,398 --> 00:02:48,431
leaving the department
in Leonard's hands.
60
00:02:48,465 --> 00:02:49,421
The security recording
61
00:02:49,433 --> 00:02:51,525
of the last time
Leonard was in charge.
62
00:02:51,547 --> 00:02:53,586
No, I don't know what it is.
63
00:02:53,706 --> 00:02:57,408
He just showed up and demanded
to speak with Nicole.
64
00:02:57,442 --> 00:03:00,011
Huh?
I know. I told him that.
65
00:03:00,045 --> 00:03:02,281
Hold on.
I think this is her.
66
00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:04,351
Hello, Nicole?
67
00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:07,353
Oh, oh, I thought
you were someone else.
68
00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:08,704
Yes, as a matter of fact,
69
00:03:08,740 --> 00:03:11,073
I am paying too much
for health insurance.
70
00:03:11,193 --> 00:03:12,760
Of course I'll hold.
71
00:03:12,795 --> 00:03:15,131
That goes on
for another 20 minutes.
72
00:03:15,132 --> 00:03:18,368
Fine. I'll get him started.
Then I go.
73
00:03:18,403 --> 00:03:21,057
You know, you could always hire back
74
00:03:21,072 --> 00:03:22,446
the rest of the department.
75
00:03:22,495 --> 00:03:23,691
Never.
76
00:03:23,957 --> 00:03:26,746
So what is your country
of origin?
77
00:03:28,211 --> 00:03:29,280
Right.
78
00:03:29,322 --> 00:03:31,247
Well, maybe we should start
with the easy ones.
79
00:03:31,296 --> 00:03:33,695
Let's see, male or female?
80
00:03:33,815 --> 00:03:36,061
"If not applicable,
jump to question 12.
81
00:03:36,181 --> 00:03:39,730
"Question 12, are you now
or have you ever been a member
82
00:03:39,765 --> 00:03:41,110
of the zombie party?"
83
00:03:41,230 --> 00:03:43,200
Wait, what?
84
00:03:43,569 --> 00:03:45,752
Oh, I must have grabbed
the wrong application.
85
00:03:46,508 --> 00:03:48,872
Thank God you're here.
86
00:03:48,906 --> 00:03:51,807
May I speak with you privately
for a moment?
87
00:03:51,842 --> 00:03:54,810
It doesn't appear
to have any ears, but sure.
88
00:03:54,844 --> 00:03:58,580
The truth is, I haven't put in
a real day's work
89
00:03:58,615 --> 00:04:00,582
in about three years now.
90
00:04:00,616 --> 00:04:03,050
What did you do with the files
before I arrived?
91
00:04:03,084 --> 00:04:05,784
Pretty much just threw them
out this window.
92
00:04:05,904 --> 00:04:09,208
Well, lookie there.
So you did.
93
00:04:11,357 --> 00:04:13,692
Blob. Blob.
Blob, blob, blob, blob, blob.
94
00:04:13,726 --> 00:04:16,830
Blob...Hmm.
95
00:04:16,865 --> 00:04:21,422
Okay, first thing we need to do is
figure out what the hell it is.
96
00:04:21,759 --> 00:04:23,334
Did you just get bigger?
97
00:04:27,974 --> 00:04:31,775
I didn't know where it ended
and Leonard began.
98
00:04:31,810 --> 00:04:33,243
Are you okay?
99
00:04:33,277 --> 00:04:35,647
Is it shameful to say
I loved it?
100
00:04:35,681 --> 00:04:40,296
- I guess I should stick around.
- Oh, no, you go ahead.
101
00:04:40,317 --> 00:04:42,050
I'm well over 500 years old.
102
00:04:42,170 --> 00:04:44,588
I should be able
to handle this, right?
103
00:04:44,708 --> 00:04:46,177
Great.
You've got your clipboard.
104
00:04:46,297 --> 00:04:47,174
You've got your pointy hat.
105
00:04:47,186 --> 00:04:48,833
My number's on the fridge
if you need anything.
106
00:04:49,458 --> 00:04:50,693
You sure you'll be ok?
107
00:04:50,813 --> 00:04:52,927
Do wizards piss on their robes?
108
00:04:53,829 --> 00:04:54,756
Yes, we do.
109
00:04:54,876 --> 00:04:56,831
We frequently piss
on our robes.
110
00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:04,610
So I said to her,
111
00:05:04,730 --> 00:05:07,132
"look, you knew I was gonna ***."
112
00:05:07,252 --> 00:05:08,952
Escuse me. Hi.
113
00:05:09,072 --> 00:05:10,753
I don't want to be a buzz kill,
114
00:05:10,796 --> 00:05:12,760
but if you are going to throw a party...
115
00:05:12,795 --> 00:05:15,685
You need to check with me first.
116
00:05:15,747 --> 00:05:17,983
Dude, you have the fanciest
bathroom I've ever seen.
117
00:05:18,017 --> 00:05:20,712
Seriously, who puts a queen-size bed
in their bathroom?
118
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:24,121
That's actually my bedroom.
Oh.
119
00:05:24,156 --> 00:05:25,923
Then I guess I just took a dump
in your bedroom.
120
00:05:25,957 --> 00:05:27,291
Sorry, man.
121
00:05:27,884 --> 00:05:29,825
You know, this isn't half bad.
122
00:05:29,878 --> 00:05:33,037
- ***
- yeah, but not in a bad way.
123
00:05:34,159 --> 00:05:37,444
Hey, what's up, cankles?
You ever been in a human zombie 3 way?
124
00:05:38,933 --> 00:05:41,034
Yeah, I bet you have,
you sassy cat.
125
00:05:42,338 --> 00:05:44,740
Has anyone ever told you
that you push too hard?
126
00:05:44,860 --> 00:05:46,902
I like to think of it
as commitment.
127
00:05:47,202 --> 00:05:49,178
You're gonna spend
your whole day off sleeping
128
00:05:49,213 --> 00:05:51,194
when we can do
whatever we want in here?
129
00:05:51,314 --> 00:05:54,085
Like what?
We're in a rusting aerostar.
130
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,410
What, are you kidding me?
We can play some journey,
131
00:05:56,530 --> 00:05:58,756
reenact silence of the lambs,
132
00:05:59,285 --> 00:06:00,402
whack off.
133
00:06:00,522 --> 00:06:01,567
Wait, what was the last one?
134
00:06:01,687 --> 00:06:02,648
I said we could whack off.
135
00:06:02,712 --> 00:06:03,964
I'm not going to do that.
136
00:06:03,983 --> 00:06:06,065
Okay, I was keeping this as a surprise
137
00:06:06,185 --> 00:06:07,563
but you're in luck, my friend,
138
00:06:07,598 --> 00:06:10,232
because I know
of a big barbecue bash
139
00:06:10,267 --> 00:06:12,534
that's happening right now
down the shore.
140
00:06:12,569 --> 00:06:14,136
Road trip. Huh.
141
00:06:14,256 --> 00:06:16,371
Beer, girls, food.
142
00:06:16,405 --> 00:06:17,572
Plus, we need to move the van
143
00:06:17,606 --> 00:06:19,054
to the other side of the street
by 5:00,
144
00:06:19,174 --> 00:06:20,192
so, what do you say?
145
00:06:20,312 --> 00:06:22,438
This isn't just another trip
to Jersey, right?
146
00:06:22,558 --> 00:06:23,870
No. No, no, no, no.
147
00:06:23,905 --> 00:06:25,837
This is new Jersey.
148
00:06:28,100 --> 00:06:29,500
What is the hold up?
149
00:06:29,577 --> 00:06:33,445
Ah, some zombie probably lost
his hand in the change basket.
150
00:06:34,980 --> 00:06:37,314
All these Jersey zombies
really piss me off.
151
00:06:37,348 --> 00:06:39,115
Yo, just 'cause I'm dead
152
00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:41,016
don't mean my time
ain't precious!
153
00:06:42,189 --> 00:06:45,117
Look, blob,
I'm gonna level with you.
154
00:06:45,152 --> 00:06:48,752
I haven't always had a lot
of success with my case files,
155
00:06:48,786 --> 00:06:51,254
but you've got the one thing
they didn't have,
156
00:06:51,288 --> 00:06:53,856
a mostly sober me.
157
00:06:53,890 --> 00:06:57,146
And I don't plan on failing you
like I did the others.
158
00:06:58,083 --> 00:07:00,828
Any questions before we start?
159
00:07:00,862 --> 00:07:02,463
Oh, I'm sorry.
160
00:07:02,497 --> 00:07:04,793
I don't think of you that way.
161
00:07:05,286 --> 00:07:07,207
Fortunately, every wizard
162
00:07:07,241 --> 00:07:09,577
has a book of magic
tricks up his sleeve.
163
00:07:10,293 --> 00:07:13,750
Mine just so happens to be
Cosmopolitan.
164
00:07:15,243 --> 00:07:16,452
Can I help you?
165
00:07:16,486 --> 00:07:18,150
Yeah, I'll have
the all-american.
166
00:07:18,270 --> 00:07:21,222
Uh...Tell me,
what comes in the stew?
167
00:07:21,223 --> 00:07:22,423
Not brains...
168
00:07:22,458 --> 00:07:25,059
I see. Would it be possible to...?
169
00:07:25,093 --> 00:07:27,927
No brain substitutions.
170
00:07:28,234 --> 00:07:31,417
Oh, very well, the I will have
a cup of your fines *** please.
171
00:07:32,210 --> 00:07:33,279
That was odd.
172
00:07:33,314 --> 00:07:34,498
Yeah, you can't get good brains
173
00:07:34,517 --> 00:07:35,833
outside the city anyway.
174
00:07:35,868 --> 00:07:38,180
That's why I always carry
a zombie ziploc.
175
00:07:39,770 --> 00:07:42,205
How can you put that
in your mouth?
176
00:07:42,239 --> 00:07:43,473
Randall fun fact:
177
00:07:43,507 --> 00:07:45,741
I only have two working taste buds.
178
00:07:45,775 --> 00:07:49,477
Man, they really do move slower
out here, don't they?
179
00:07:49,512 --> 00:07:50,351
Yeah, tell me about it.
180
00:07:50,471 --> 00:07:53,513
These zombie townies still do
the whole slow walk thing.
181
00:07:53,548 --> 00:07:56,206
Dirty lake-dragger-
hey, that's our word.
182
00:07:56,250 --> 00:07:57,417
You don't get to call us that.
183
00:07:57,711 --> 00:08:00,761
I guess there still is a lot
of prejudice out here.
184
00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:03,923
Must be hard coming back
knowing that's all under the surface.
185
00:08:03,957 --> 00:08:06,725
Yeah, it was at first.
You know, keeping it a secret.
186
00:08:06,759 --> 00:08:08,526
Now it's way easier.
187
00:08:08,561 --> 00:08:09,827
Yeah.
Yeah, I bet.
188
00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:12,173
Oh, my God.
189
00:08:13,975 --> 00:08:16,299
Yeah, they still get shot
out here.
190
00:08:16,419 --> 00:08:18,170
It's hard, but I get it.
191
00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:21,919
Just hear them stumble around going...
192
00:08:22,039 --> 00:08:23,472
They can't even
say "brains" right.
193
00:08:23,507 --> 00:08:24,940
I don't believe it.
194
00:08:24,974 --> 00:08:26,091
Well, it's just for sport,
you know,
195
00:08:26,211 --> 00:08:28,309
zombie tipping, zombie hunting.
196
00:08:28,429 --> 00:08:30,560
They rip the arm off the zombie...
197
00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:32,546
Put the arm back on the zombie...
198
00:08:32,547 --> 00:08:34,095
Zombie soccer...
199
00:08:34,118 --> 00:08:36,383
They're really just kicking them
in the nuts. That's not even a game.
200
00:08:36,417 --> 00:08:40,493
There's something called "zape," which,
believe me, you don't wanna know what that is.
201
00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:14,821
You know, giving you
the gift of speech
202
00:09:14,866 --> 00:09:16,747
might take
a far more genius mind
203
00:09:16,781 --> 00:09:18,582
than either of ours, my friend.
204
00:09:18,616 --> 00:09:21,251
Luckily, I'm connected.
205
00:09:21,285 --> 00:09:23,186
So you see, Mr. Hawking,
206
00:09:23,220 --> 00:09:26,189
we figure only someone
with your superior intelligence
207
00:09:26,223 --> 00:09:28,691
could find a way
for our blob here to speak.
208
00:09:28,725 --> 00:09:30,391
Any ideas?
209
00:09:30,426 --> 00:09:31,425
Of course.
210
00:09:31,627 --> 00:09:33,794
The answer is quite simple, really.
211
00:09:33,795 --> 00:09:37,263
A basic solution
of potassium nitrate.
212
00:09:37,298 --> 00:09:40,399
Combined with ordinary
household products
213
00:09:40,736 --> 00:09:44,650
such as chlorin, sodium, ***
214
00:09:44,693 --> 00:09:46,038
*** voice box.
215
00:09:46,072 --> 00:09:47,406
Wait,
216
00:09:47,729 --> 00:09:51,443
that guy makes wall-e
sound like Josh groban.
217
00:09:52,642 --> 00:09:53,945
All right, blob.
218
00:09:53,980 --> 00:09:56,047
Let's see how you handle
this baby.
219
00:09:56,048 --> 00:09:56,181
I'm not a good typ
220
00:09:57,157 --> 00:10:00,333
I'm not a good type ass.
221
00:10:00,453 --> 00:10:04,756
Assuming you meant
"typist," I think we're okay.
222
00:10:04,790 --> 00:10:06,090
On to phase two:
223
00:10:06,124 --> 00:10:08,525
Find the job
that's right for you.
224
00:10:10,161 --> 00:10:13,162
Mom, dad, I'm home.
225
00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:14,414
This is your parents' house.
226
00:10:14,449 --> 00:10:16,194
What happened to the big party?
227
00:10:16,314 --> 00:10:18,547
You said "girls".
No, I said grills.
228
00:10:18,854 --> 00:10:20,067
I can't help what you hear.
229
00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:22,949
Randall, darling,
it's so good to see you.
230
00:10:23,069 --> 00:10:24,636
Mom, mark, mark, mom.
231
00:10:24,671 --> 00:10:26,051
All right, come out
when you're done.
232
00:10:26,086 --> 00:10:27,525
Done with what?
233
00:10:27,645 --> 00:10:28,763
Hey, dad.
234
00:10:28,883 --> 00:10:31,208
Talk to me
during the commercial.
235
00:10:31,803 --> 00:10:34,443
Always ducking out
to be with his friends.
236
00:10:34,478 --> 00:10:35,811
Nothing ever changes.
237
00:10:35,845 --> 00:10:38,213
Mark, sit.
I'll get the photo album.
238
00:10:38,247 --> 00:10:42,217
Maybe we could pull Roger
away from his history channel!
239
00:10:42,251 --> 00:10:44,687
It was the '60s.
Women were burning bras.
240
00:10:44,722 --> 00:10:46,059
Men were burning women,
241
00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:49,026
*** the zombies group of civil war.
242
00:11:09,949 --> 00:11:12,841
Murder that leg-dragger.
243
00:11:12,875 --> 00:11:14,943
Do I hear 1,000?
244
00:11:14,978 --> 00:11:16,345
1,000?
245
00:11:21,836 --> 00:11:23,746
Never try this at home, kid.
246
00:11:23,866 --> 00:11:24,959
Yell-o.
247
00:11:25,079 --> 00:11:27,301
Yo, Leonard, how's it shaking?
248
00:11:27,356 --> 00:11:28,792
Mark, what a surprise.
249
00:11:28,912 --> 00:11:30,564
What are you calling in for?
250
00:11:30,684 --> 00:11:33,559
Just hiding in the bathroom
at my roommate's parents house.
251
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:34,994
Any luck with blob?
252
00:11:35,539 --> 00:11:36,997
I set him up with a voice box
253
00:11:37,031 --> 00:11:39,199
and placed him
at the government auction lot.
254
00:11:39,233 --> 00:11:42,435
300? Anyone? 300?
255
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:45,071
I've got it completely
under control.
256
00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:47,206
What is this? A room full of jews?
257
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,876
Oh, spoke to soon.
Looks like he's an anti-semite.
258
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:54,712
Here's Randall
when he was just a baby.
259
00:11:54,746 --> 00:11:57,180
Oh, look at his little hat.
260
00:11:57,215 --> 00:12:00,098
And here he is
at werewolfs-burg, Virginia.
261
00:12:00,818 --> 00:12:03,586
And this is a piece
of his umbilical cord.
262
00:12:03,621 --> 00:12:05,187
Oh, nice.
263
00:12:05,221 --> 00:12:07,789
Yeah, and here he is
wearing my old army helmet.
264
00:12:07,790 --> 00:12:11,649
Wait, you fought in the zombie war of 68?
265
00:12:11,698 --> 00:12:12,694
Of course.
266
00:12:12,729 --> 00:12:14,463
You want to see
my prized possession?
267
00:12:14,497 --> 00:12:16,031
Isn't it beautiful?
268
00:12:16,519 --> 00:12:18,273
Unfortunately the rest of him got away,
269
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:20,700
but I got his thumb, yep.
270
00:12:20,734 --> 00:12:23,502
Let's see that bastard
try to review a movie now.
271
00:12:23,536 --> 00:12:26,705
Oh, Roger, it's just a thumb.
272
00:12:26,739 --> 00:12:27,872
Ironic, huh?
273
00:12:28,074 --> 00:12:29,934
You spent your youth fighting zombies
274
00:12:30,054 --> 00:12:31,623
and then your son becomes one.
275
00:12:31,743 --> 00:12:32,709
One what?
276
00:12:32,989 --> 00:12:36,208
No, I'm saying it's admirable that
you can love Randall the way you do
277
00:12:36,242 --> 00:12:37,547
despite his being a zombie.
278
00:12:38,522 --> 00:12:40,516
This would be
a great teachable moment
279
00:12:40,636 --> 00:12:41,812
for one of my group sessions.
280
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:44,686
He's saying Randall's a zombie?
281
00:12:46,809 --> 00:12:47,614
You know what?
282
00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:51,124
I'm gonna go see what that
cold sack of flesh is up to.
283
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:54,960
What the hell
was that back there?
284
00:12:55,738 --> 00:12:57,696
The [Bleep] If I know.
285
00:12:57,730 --> 00:13:01,633
I'm assuming you meant to type
"truck that I tow"?
286
00:13:01,667 --> 00:13:03,368
Don't be an ass[Bleep].
287
00:13:03,402 --> 00:13:06,005
Okay, these are getting harder
to misinterpret.
288
00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:08,208
Now, look, I've got
one more job lined up,
289
00:13:08,242 --> 00:13:10,543
and then it's straight
to the failure board with you.
290
00:13:12,198 --> 00:13:14,813
Vito, how's it hanging?
291
00:13:14,848 --> 00:13:17,092
Like David carradine,
my friend.
292
00:13:17,139 --> 00:13:18,160
What can I do for you?
293
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:21,816
Well, I thought that you could give
my buddy boy here that busboy job.
294
00:13:21,851 --> 00:13:24,585
That depends.
Does he have any experience?
295
00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:27,387
Do mermen swallow semen?
296
00:13:27,421 --> 00:13:30,557
Ooh, I got
a kindred spirit here.
297
00:13:30,591 --> 00:13:33,393
He
he's gonna work out just fine.
298
00:13:36,230 --> 00:13:38,164
Dude, that was frickin' awesome.
299
00:13:38,198 --> 00:13:39,559
I can only do it twice now.
300
00:13:39,679 --> 00:13:42,100
Hey, Vince, put one of them
brain dogs in my good ha.
301
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,591
Hey, you get past
your parents ok?
302
00:13:44,711 --> 00:13:46,237
The hoodie in the shades.
303
00:13:46,357 --> 00:13:48,231
Oh, no, it's cool,
they just think I'm a drug dealer.
304
00:13:48,274 --> 00:13:50,072
Everybody knows I can hurt 'em, right?
305
00:13:50,073 --> 00:13:51,640
Hey, how about one
of them zimas, Vince?
306
00:13:51,674 --> 00:13:53,874
Randall...
307
00:13:53,994 --> 00:13:57,237
Can I just...Grab you
for one quick sec?
308
00:13:57,357 --> 00:13:58,311
What up, Pumpkin?
309
00:13:58,346 --> 00:14:01,004
This is probably gonna sound
like a stupid question,
310
00:14:01,124 --> 00:14:03,769
but your parents already
know that you're a zombie, right?
311
00:14:03,889 --> 00:14:05,307
Ofourse not.
312
00:14:05,427 --> 00:14:07,025
But in the ***
313
00:14:07,145 --> 00:14:08,927
you said it was hard
keeping it a secret.
314
00:14:09,047 --> 00:14:11,404
Yeah, right, then I got way better
at lying.
315
00:14:11,524 --> 00:14:12,991
Well, here's the thing...
316
00:14:12,992 --> 00:14:17,661
I really think you should level with them,
because I already kind of did...
317
00:14:17,781 --> 00:14:21,008
Oh, man, your dad
is gonna kill you.
318
00:14:22,053 --> 00:14:24,267
Yeah, that's his shooting gun,
all right.
319
00:14:24,301 --> 00:14:27,169
Randall honey,
daddy wants to speak with you.
320
00:14:27,204 --> 00:14:29,755
This is gonna suck.
321
00:14:30,376 --> 00:14:32,210
Come on, guys.
Wasn't it obvious?
322
00:14:32,245 --> 00:14:34,379
I mean, he's blown his hand
clean off his body.
323
00:14:34,413 --> 00:14:36,580
He's taken a lawn dart
in the neck.
324
00:14:36,615 --> 00:14:40,383
They probably knew deep down,
don't you figure?
325
00:14:40,418 --> 00:14:43,486
You want to know what happens
to snitches out here?
326
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,264
I can't say that I do.
327
00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:49,892
Well, maybe it's time
we took you for a ride.
328
00:14:49,926 --> 00:14:53,469
Hey, blob, I gotta tell ya,
329
00:14:53,589 --> 00:14:56,296
you look
awfully familiar to me.
330
00:14:56,331 --> 00:14:58,002
You sure we never met?
331
00:14:58,122 --> 00:14:59,342
Not likely.
332
00:14:59,462 --> 00:15:00,747
It's uncanny.
333
00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:03,522
You got the personality
of potty-mouth Pete
334
00:15:03,642 --> 00:15:06,174
and a hatred of jews
like Joey the jew-hater.
335
00:15:06,414 --> 00:15:07,952
That is crazy.
336
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:11,564
I guess it is, especially
since they've all been whacked,
337
00:15:11,684 --> 00:15:12,981
but if they were still living,
338
00:15:13,101 --> 00:15:14,939
we'd have to put them down
twice as hard.
339
00:15:14,965 --> 00:15:15,898
Am I right, boys?
340
00:15:17,639 --> 00:15:20,017
Ha-ha. Ha ha,
341
00:15:21,002 --> 00:15:24,421
go. -You don't have to
do this, you know?
342
00:15:24,455 --> 00:15:28,090
Oh, we don't have to.
We want to.
343
00:15:28,125 --> 00:15:30,319
You see that? Those are the marshlands.
344
00:15:30,354 --> 00:15:32,293
Where the mob the
buries its snitches.
345
00:15:32,328 --> 00:15:34,299
You ain't seen nothing, got it?
346
00:15:34,419 --> 00:15:38,347
Look, guys, all I did
was state the obvious.
347
00:15:38,467 --> 00:15:39,633
Shut up! I'm not finished!
348
00:15:40,141 --> 00:15:42,448
You see, no one ever thinks
to look back here.
349
00:15:42,491 --> 00:15:43,940
Because is where the chemical plant
350
00:15:43,965 --> 00:15:45,237
dumps its toxic waste.
351
00:15:45,272 --> 00:15:47,339
You didn't smell nothing,
got it?
352
00:15:47,373 --> 00:15:48,740
All right, I'm sorry.
353
00:15:48,775 --> 00:15:50,993
I should never have
snitched on Randall.
354
00:15:51,113 --> 00:15:52,211
Please don't kill me.
355
00:15:52,245 --> 00:15:53,659
Kill you?
356
00:15:53,779 --> 00:15:56,497
We just thought you'd like
to learn more about new Jersey.
357
00:15:56,617 --> 00:16:00,088
Plus, Tony over here just got
a new job as a tour guide,
358
00:16:00,208 --> 00:16:02,007
and he really needs the practice.
359
00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:03,520
Shut up!
I'm not finished!
360
00:16:03,554 --> 00:16:06,189
If you keep interrupting
me, I'm gonna forget my spiel.
361
00:16:06,763 --> 00:16:09,147
Now, over here,
we have the pine barrens,
362
00:16:09,158 --> 00:16:10,987
where the first ever
cultivated blueberries
363
00:16:11,025 --> 00:16:12,874
were developed in 1916.
364
00:16:13,935 --> 00:16:16,530
What part of dead
don't you understand?
365
00:16:16,650 --> 00:16:18,073
Wait. Wait.
..Go back a bit.
366
00:16:18,193 --> 00:16:19,466
Did you say the bodies
367
00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:21,434
are getting mixed together
with the toxic waste?
368
00:16:21,469 --> 00:16:24,003
Now I got to
look at the brochure.
369
00:16:24,037 --> 00:16:25,371
Yeah, that's what it says.
370
00:16:25,672 --> 00:16:26,993
By the way,
you're really gonna have
371
00:16:27,113 --> 00:16:28,308
to work on your patter
a little bit.
372
00:16:28,342 --> 00:16:30,277
Leonard, it's mark.
373
00:16:30,397 --> 00:16:32,912
Listen, I think I know
where the blob comes from.
374
00:16:33,482 --> 00:16:34,683
He's a what?
375
00:16:34,803 --> 00:16:35,944
No kidding.
376
00:16:36,064 --> 00:16:38,149
The byproduct of mob snitches?
377
00:16:38,635 --> 00:16:41,704
Don't worry, I know just what to do.
378
00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:48,359
Back in the saddle.
379
00:16:48,393 --> 00:16:51,575
How could you go zombie on us,
randal?
380
00:16:51,827 --> 00:16:53,485
After all we've done for you?
381
00:16:53,605 --> 00:16:56,891
Go easy on him, Roger.
It's not a choice.
382
00:16:56,916 --> 00:16:59,244
Um...Actually, it was a choice.
383
00:16:59,279 --> 00:17:00,999
I was trying to bang
this hot chick
384
00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:03,258
but it turned
out she liked warlocks,
385
00:17:03,297 --> 00:17:04,558
so I really misheard.
386
00:17:04,678 --> 00:17:06,940
And did you think of your mother
and I at that time?
387
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:08,810
Honestly, I did my best not to.
388
00:17:08,844 --> 00:17:11,277
You've left me little choice, randal.
389
00:17:11,981 --> 00:17:13,515
Honey, move closer.
390
00:17:13,549 --> 00:17:15,256
You father is not a very good shot.
391
00:17:18,139 --> 00:17:19,556
Hey, blob.
392
00:17:19,790 --> 00:17:21,712
Come. Sit down for a second.
393
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:23,020
I want to talk to you.
394
00:17:24,174 --> 00:17:26,576
I'm gonna speak robotic to blob.
395
00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:27,493
Go ahead.
396
00:17:28,377 --> 00:17:30,167
I like you, blob.
397
00:17:30,287 --> 00:17:33,862
But I think there's something
you're not telling me.
398
00:17:33,863 --> 00:17:35,645
I have to take a dump.
399
00:17:35,765 --> 00:17:40,246
And yet, you don't have
to tell me everything.
400
00:17:42,247 --> 00:17:44,405
I frisked him.
He's clean.
401
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:49,664
Hey, this is the lucky coin that belonged
to Sammy the snitch.
402
00:17:49,928 --> 00:17:51,430
That is ridiculous.
403
00:17:51,477 --> 00:17:52,612
But for the record,
404
00:17:52,646 --> 00:17:54,914
I saw carmine steal a meatball
from your plate.
405
00:18:04,022 --> 00:18:06,456
Roger!
406
00:18:06,913 --> 00:18:10,385
Smile big.
Wait till my army buddies see this,
407
00:18:10,627 --> 00:18:12,161
hurry up, ma, will ya?
408
00:18:12,195 --> 00:18:13,829
My knees are killing me.
409
00:18:16,333 --> 00:18:17,866
Thank you, son.
410
00:18:17,900 --> 00:18:19,937
That'll earn me some respect
from the boys.
411
00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:22,732
I just wish I had found out
that you were a zombie sooner.
412
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:25,058
I could have brought the photo
to the reunion.
413
00:18:25,178 --> 00:18:27,497
This is a nice compromise, ma.
Good thinking.
414
00:18:27,617 --> 00:18:30,972
We love you, son,
flesh-eating corpse or not.
415
00:18:31,006 --> 00:18:32,706
Oh, and here.
416
00:18:32,741 --> 00:18:35,276
Your ear fell off
the last time you came home.
417
00:18:35,310 --> 00:18:38,145
I kept it in your scrapbook
with your other stuff.
418
00:18:38,180 --> 00:18:39,768
You knew all along.
419
00:18:39,888 --> 00:18:41,415
A mother knows.
420
00:18:41,450 --> 00:18:44,668
Also, here's your nose.
I found it in the sofa cushions.
421
00:18:44,788 --> 00:18:46,806
Uh, that one's not mine.
Ew.
422
00:18:50,235 --> 00:18:54,539
Look at that, citizenship
and your picture in the paper.
423
00:18:55,083 --> 00:18:57,401
Oh, I'd sure like a copy of that.
424
00:19:00,495 --> 00:19:03,366
Oh, that's going
on the success board.
425
00:19:03,486 --> 00:19:05,091
Look who's a big [Bleep] Now.
426
00:19:05,168 --> 00:19:08,655
And maybe a little music
to drown out the vulgarity.
427
00:19:13,592 --> 00:19:15,429
Hello, citizens.
428
00:19:15,549 --> 00:19:17,748
Mark, glad you could join us,
429
00:19:17,868 --> 00:19:21,683
'cause every time a bell rings,
a wizard takes a shot.
430
00:19:22,421 --> 00:19:23,646
I'm proud of you, Leonard.
431
00:19:23,673 --> 00:19:24,903
You handled this
all on your own.
432
00:19:24,938 --> 00:19:28,772
Mark, my friend, I could
have only done it without you.
433
00:19:28,806 --> 00:19:30,373
Okay.
434
00:19:30,777 --> 00:19:33,048
I thought you were bringing
your zombie friend.
435
00:19:33,168 --> 00:19:34,285
He's parking the van.
436
00:19:37,442 --> 00:19:40,256
Why don't you move back
to Jersey, you jerk?
437
00:19:56,123 --> 00:19:58,957
Hey, who turned off the lights?
438
00:19:59,179 --> 00:20:00,725
And stay dead.
439
00:20:01,087 --> 00:20:02,893
Hey, thanks for the tip, Stevie.
440
00:20:06,162 --> 00:20:08,568
The pleasure was mine.
441
00:20:09,949 --> 00:20:12,901
Ew, this is all wet and stuff.
442
00:20:14,748 --> 00:20:17,775
I just can't stop wondering
where they placed him.
443
00:20:17,895 --> 00:20:20,154
Don't feel bad, buddy,
there'll be others.
444
00:20:20,274 --> 00:20:24,792
That's sweet of you, mark, but unless
they're telling me to [Beep] Myself...
445
00:20:26,395 --> 00:20:28,954
They won't be the same as the blob.
446
00:20:31,476 --> 00:20:33,986
We're often told to stay away
from 4 letter words
447
00:20:34,106 --> 00:20:38,358
like "[Bleep]" And "[Bleep]"
And "jew-y."
448
00:20:38,478 --> 00:20:42,956
Maybe it's not the words we use
but how we use them.
449
00:20:43,305 --> 00:20:45,965
Then again,
maybe it's just knowing
450
00:20:46,085 --> 00:20:48,235
when to keep your mouth shut.
451
00:20:50,767 --> 00:20:53,121
All right, pop, I think that's
enough practice for today.
452
00:20:53,241 --> 00:20:56,520
This is great. I love having
a gay zombie as a son.
453
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:58,321
Wait, who's gay?
454
00:20:58,682 --> 00:21:01,752
Re-sync and corrected by honeybunny
www.Addic7ed.Com