1
00:00:10,667 --> 00:00:12,802
As you'd have
them do unto you.

2
00:00:15,071 --> 00:00:16,806
But most importantly,

3
00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:20,075
Never judge a
book by its cover.

4
00:00:20,110 --> 00:00:22,041
Freeze, bloodsucker!

5
00:00:22,075 --> 00:00:24,048
That's an illegal
vampire conversion!

6
00:00:28,582 --> 00:00:31,900
Unfortunately, some people
never bother reading books

7
00:00:31,935 --> 00:00:33,734
Or their covers.

8
00:00:33,768 --> 00:00:36,275
I seem to recall the only way
to protect yourself from a bat

9
00:00:36,309 --> 00:00:38,412
Is to punch it directly
in the nose.

10
00:00:38,447 --> 00:00:40,616
You're confusing us
with sharks.

11
00:00:40,650 --> 00:00:42,284
Oh, really?

12
00:00:42,318 --> 00:00:44,421
And you're confusing me
with someone who gives a crap.

13
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:55,000
Sync by fant0m
www.addic7ed.com

14
00:00:58,943 --> 00:01:00,345
What happened to you?

15
00:01:00,379 --> 00:01:01,513
I'll be fine.

16
00:01:01,547 --> 00:01:03,249
I'm just a bit hung-over.

17
00:01:03,283 --> 00:01:04,786
Such a weak species.

18
00:01:04,820 --> 00:01:07,257
I'll never understand
human men...

19
00:01:07,292 --> 00:01:09,826
Or koala men, for that matter.

20
00:01:09,860 --> 00:01:11,429
I'm excited about tonight.

21
00:01:11,463 --> 00:01:12,930
Oh, me too.

22
00:01:12,965 --> 00:01:15,966
Just remind me what
I'm excited about again.

23
00:01:16,001 --> 00:01:18,768
Our 666 anniversary.

24
00:01:18,803 --> 00:01:22,004
Six weeks, six days,
six hours...

25
00:01:22,039 --> 00:01:24,040
Since the first time
we had sex in the bathroom.

26
00:01:24,074 --> 00:01:25,807
Oh, yeah, totally.

27
00:01:25,842 --> 00:01:27,508
You forgot
and didn't plan anything.

28
00:01:27,543 --> 00:01:29,210
Oh, I have something planned,
all right.

29
00:01:29,244 --> 00:01:31,177
You just...Show up at

30
00:01:31,212 --> 00:01:32,212
My place...

31
00:01:32,246 --> 00:01:35,449
At 7:00...At night.

32
00:01:36,852 --> 00:01:39,621
Can't wait.

33
00:01:39,655 --> 00:01:42,224
You got to be careful with
these fruit-at-the-bottom ones.

34
00:01:42,259 --> 00:01:45,963
Okay?

35
00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:49,367
Young man,
you're here for the...

36
00:01:49,402 --> 00:01:52,337
Attempted biting
and illegal vampire conversion

37
00:01:52,371 --> 00:01:54,171
Of a u.S. Citizen.

38
00:01:54,206 --> 00:01:56,641
Your honor, I don't know
if I can make you understand

39
00:01:56,675 --> 00:01:58,976
Or if you've ever had
a true love in your life,

40
00:01:59,011 --> 00:02:01,179
But if you were me, I wouldn't
want to get in the way of it.

41
00:02:01,213 --> 00:02:03,013
That is, if I were a judge,

42
00:02:03,048 --> 00:02:04,615
Which probably won't happen,

43
00:02:04,649 --> 00:02:07,184
Because I'm leaning
towards pre-med right now.

44
00:02:07,218 --> 00:02:08,552
Your honor, if I may.

45
00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:09,786
You may not.

46
00:02:09,820 --> 00:02:11,988
Officer Grimes,
you and your department

47
00:02:12,022 --> 00:02:14,691
Have a long history
of vampire brutality:

48
00:02:14,725 --> 00:02:17,194
25 counts of assault
with garlic,

49
00:02:17,228 --> 00:02:18,496
Excessive staking,

50
00:02:18,530 --> 00:02:20,564
Reckless use of a crucifix,

51
00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,534
14 counts of opening blinds.

52
00:02:22,568 --> 00:02:25,971
What is this, a trial or a
lifetime achievement award?

53
00:02:26,005 --> 00:02:28,375
You're on suspension
until you and your men

54
00:02:28,409 --> 00:02:30,377
Complete anger management
training

55
00:02:30,412 --> 00:02:32,546
To be conducted by

56
00:02:32,580 --> 00:02:34,649
Leonard powers
of social services.

57
00:02:34,683 --> 00:02:36,751
What?

58
00:02:36,786 --> 00:02:39,388
As for you two, I'm ordering
you to undergo instruction

59
00:02:39,422 --> 00:02:41,558
On proper vampire conversions.

60
00:02:43,594 --> 00:02:44,895
Thus ends the case

61
00:02:44,929 --> 00:02:47,498
Of the good, the bat,
and the ugly.

62
00:02:47,532 --> 00:02:49,633
And I can see the plaintiffs
making their way

63
00:02:49,668 --> 00:02:51,368
Out of the courtroom now.

64
00:02:51,402 --> 00:02:53,938
How do you feel
about the judge's decision?

65
00:02:53,972 --> 00:02:56,742
No matter what,
love always prevails.

66
00:02:56,776 --> 00:02:58,076
He's so positive,

67
00:02:58,111 --> 00:03:00,045
And his eyes change color
like mood rings,

68
00:03:00,079 --> 00:03:01,414
Expensive ones.

69
00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:03,983
I mean, I am talking
brookstone quality.

70
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,823
Hey, I'm over here.

71
00:03:09,858 --> 00:03:10,891
Sorry, sorry.

72
00:03:10,926 --> 00:03:13,428
I got caught up in the moment.

73
00:03:14,997 --> 00:03:16,731
Lieutenant Grimes,
is there anything

74
00:03:16,766 --> 00:03:19,101
You'd like to say to
the vampire community?

75
00:03:19,135 --> 00:03:20,502
Yeah.

76
00:03:20,537 --> 00:03:23,305
I'm coming after all
you hemos out there.

77
00:03:23,340 --> 00:03:24,908
Oh, and hi, mother.

78
00:03:24,942 --> 00:03:27,043
I'm on tv.

79
00:03:27,077 --> 00:03:29,913
Everyone, I'd like
to introduce two new members

80
00:03:29,947 --> 00:03:30,947
To the group:

81
00:03:30,982 --> 00:03:32,949
Tristan and Blake.

82
00:03:32,984 --> 00:03:36,019
Damn, I'd like to get
my brain stem all up in that.

83
00:03:36,054 --> 00:03:38,288
Hey, could you please show
a little respect for the lady?

84
00:03:38,323 --> 00:03:40,324
Lady?
I'm talking about the vampire.

85
00:03:40,358 --> 00:03:42,459
Yay, everyone's staring
at my gorgeous boyfriend.

86
00:03:42,493 --> 00:03:43,527
I'm pretty used to it by now.

87
00:03:43,561 --> 00:03:45,162
It's, like, par for the course.

88
00:03:45,196 --> 00:03:47,230
Like, staring at my boyfriend
is, like, a par four,

89
00:03:47,265 --> 00:03:49,165
And you all just hit the ball
four times.

90
00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:50,767
Do you understand?

91
00:03:50,801 --> 00:03:52,335
I hate vampire.

92
00:03:52,369 --> 00:03:55,204
They cheap,
and they run all blood bank.

93
00:03:55,239 --> 00:03:57,006
And the shadow government.

94
00:03:57,040 --> 00:03:58,941
Hey,
those are ugly stereotypes.

95
00:03:58,976 --> 00:04:00,343
Let's look at the facts.

96
00:04:00,378 --> 00:04:01,377
Let's see.

97
00:04:01,412 --> 00:04:02,546
Avoid sunlight.

98
00:04:02,580 --> 00:04:03,714
No reflections.

99
00:04:03,748 --> 00:04:05,082
Feast on wild animals.

100
00:04:05,116 --> 00:04:07,518
Run blood banks
and the shadow government.

101
00:04:08,554 --> 00:04:09,521
I tell you.

102
00:04:09,555 --> 00:04:11,022
May I say something, Mark?

103
00:04:11,057 --> 00:04:13,525
I assure you, those are all
slanderous beliefs

104
00:04:13,559 --> 00:04:16,328
Dating back to the days
of the madman van helsing.

105
00:04:16,363 --> 00:04:18,364
All right.
That may be true.

106
00:04:18,398 --> 00:04:19,866
I'm not really sure.

107
00:04:19,900 --> 00:04:22,035
But the judge said
if you want to be a vampire,

108
00:04:22,070 --> 00:04:24,637
You'll have to be approved by
the vampire processing bureau

109
00:04:24,672 --> 00:04:26,039
Just like everyone else.

110
00:04:26,073 --> 00:04:27,307
And how long does that take?

111
00:04:27,341 --> 00:04:30,143
Says here...
Six to eight weeks.

112
00:04:30,177 --> 00:04:32,879
That's a really long time.

113
00:04:32,913 --> 00:04:34,214
Is that it?

114
00:04:34,248 --> 00:04:35,682
I thought it would have
more effect

115
00:04:35,716 --> 00:04:36,983
If I kept it short.

116
00:04:37,017 --> 00:04:40,487
Now I'm pausing
for dramatic effect.

117
00:04:43,758 --> 00:04:44,858
Okay, here I go.

118
00:04:44,892 --> 00:04:47,527
Don't bother coming after me!

119
00:04:47,562 --> 00:04:50,498
Sorry, I should really
make sure she's okay.

120
00:04:50,532 --> 00:04:52,499
Of course, yeah, go ahead.

121
00:04:52,533 --> 00:04:53,800
Wait!
Come back!

122
00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:55,168
Why'd you let him leave
like that?

123
00:04:55,203 --> 00:04:57,604
My [bleep] is blocked.

124
00:04:57,638 --> 00:04:59,205
You see, all that's required

125
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:02,208
To make your murderous rage
go away

126
00:05:02,242 --> 00:05:06,411
Is to count down
from three, two, one.

127
00:05:09,148 --> 00:05:10,749
Voila.

128
00:05:10,783 --> 00:05:12,851
What does that have to do
with anger management?

129
00:05:12,885 --> 00:05:14,719
It didn't make you angry,
right?

130
00:05:14,753 --> 00:05:15,787
I suppose not.

131
00:05:15,821 --> 00:05:16,922
Magic.

132
00:05:16,956 --> 00:05:19,325
You see,
Mr. Grimes' goon squad,

133
00:05:19,359 --> 00:05:22,895
Perhaps if you think of
the milk as your anger...

134
00:05:22,930 --> 00:05:24,263
Interesting.

135
00:05:24,298 --> 00:05:25,866
Speaks to me
on many different levels.

136
00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:28,569
It does?
My gosh, I'm a hit.

137
00:05:28,603 --> 00:05:32,107
Say, what are you fellas doing
after work?

138
00:05:32,141 --> 00:05:35,010
So this is
the vampire processing center

139
00:05:35,044 --> 00:05:36,979
Where you'll come
once you get your approval.

140
00:05:37,013 --> 00:05:38,814
Bureaucracy is the coolest!

141
00:05:38,848 --> 00:05:40,215
Right.

142
00:05:40,249 --> 00:05:42,885
This is where the conversion
will take place.

143
00:05:45,955 --> 00:05:48,758
You'll also be conditioned
to dislike human blood.

144
00:05:53,865 --> 00:05:55,298
And that station right there

145
00:05:55,333 --> 00:05:57,334
Is where you'll get
your fangs neutered.

146
00:05:59,270 --> 00:06:00,571
So wait.

147
00:06:00,605 --> 00:06:02,239
Blake doesn't even
get to bite me?

148
00:06:02,274 --> 00:06:04,609
No, you'll slowly lose
your color

149
00:06:04,643 --> 00:06:06,645
And then grow fangs
after a few months.

150
00:06:06,679 --> 00:06:08,914
Oh, that's perfect, 'cause
if you look at my day planner,

151
00:06:08,948 --> 00:06:11,684
I had "not be a vampire" down
for several months.

152
00:06:11,718 --> 00:06:14,153
So it's really ideal.

153
00:06:14,188 --> 00:06:15,721
Again, sarcasm.

154
00:06:15,756 --> 00:06:17,156
Like, if you took
what I just said

155
00:06:17,190 --> 00:06:18,157
And held it up to a mirror...

156
00:06:19,759 --> 00:06:22,527
This gaze should keep her
quiet for about an hour.

157
00:06:22,561 --> 00:06:24,129
All right, listen up.

158
00:06:24,163 --> 00:06:26,864
I'm suspended,
but the battle rages on.

159
00:06:26,898 --> 00:06:27,965
We know all the players.

160
00:06:27,999 --> 00:06:29,332
We just don't know the plan,

161
00:06:29,367 --> 00:06:31,068
Because they control
the television news,

162
00:06:31,102 --> 00:06:32,135
The press, and the weather.

163
00:06:32,170 --> 00:06:33,303
Bastards!

164
00:06:33,337 --> 00:06:34,971
I promise you one thing,
though.

165
00:06:35,005 --> 00:06:37,040
We're gonna take the fight
to those neck biters

166
00:06:37,074 --> 00:06:38,441
Before they take it to us!

167
00:06:40,510 --> 00:06:45,181
Let it begin!

168
00:06:46,650 --> 00:06:50,254
Sorry, I've never been
a gangbanger before.

169
00:06:50,288 --> 00:06:53,457
What should I get callie
for our anniversary?

170
00:06:53,491 --> 00:06:55,492
How 'bout some dirty
troll tang?

171
00:06:55,526 --> 00:06:57,861
Oh, wait, you already got
yourself that last night.

172
00:06:57,896 --> 00:07:00,030
Tell me that's not
why I woke up

173
00:07:00,064 --> 00:07:01,464
Under a bridge this morning.

174
00:07:01,499 --> 00:07:03,567
Well, that and
the horse tranquilizer.

175
00:07:03,601 --> 00:07:04,701
What?

176
00:07:04,735 --> 00:07:06,236
Oh, don't give me that face.

177
00:07:06,270 --> 00:07:08,071
I was just trying
to loosen you up a little bit.

178
00:07:08,106 --> 00:07:09,473
By the way,
you owe me 200 dollars

179
00:07:09,508 --> 00:07:11,141
For your half
of the horse tranquilizer.

180
00:07:11,176 --> 00:07:12,443
You could have killed me!

181
00:07:12,477 --> 00:07:14,178
First of all,
I'd never kill you.

182
00:07:14,212 --> 00:07:16,980
Secondly...five bucks
says that's Larry King, dude.

183
00:07:17,015 --> 00:07:18,315
Look, that's Larry King!

184
00:07:18,349 --> 00:07:20,551
That mitzi gaynor
sure has pizzazz.

185
00:07:22,621 --> 00:07:24,288
He looks even older in person.

186
00:07:26,158 --> 00:07:27,825
What the...

187
00:07:27,860 --> 00:07:29,794
Get in, punk.

188
00:07:29,828 --> 00:07:32,564
You're gonna stop processing
that vampire couple.

189
00:07:32,598 --> 00:07:34,733
And you're gonna start
digging up some dirt

190
00:07:34,767 --> 00:07:36,335
On that suck-tard Blake.

191
00:07:36,369 --> 00:07:38,103
Uh...
I think I'll pass.

192
00:07:38,138 --> 00:07:39,972
I think you won't.

193
00:07:41,508 --> 00:07:42,742
Looks like someone
went trolling

194
00:07:42,777 --> 00:07:45,178
On horse tranquilizers
last night.

195
00:07:45,213 --> 00:07:48,716
Whoa, how do you know so much
about my private life, anyway?

196
00:07:48,750 --> 00:07:50,017
This suspension leaves me

197
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:51,453
With a lot of free time
on my hands.

198
00:07:51,487 --> 00:07:53,054
Have you heard
of this show Lost?

199
00:07:53,089 --> 00:07:54,322
What's in that hatch?

200
00:07:54,357 --> 00:07:56,425
Wait, don't tell me.
Netflix.

201
00:07:56,459 --> 00:07:59,928
Look, Grimes, you clearly
have an unhealthy fixation here.

202
00:07:59,963 --> 00:08:02,231
Why can't you just
leave these two alone?

203
00:08:02,265 --> 00:08:03,232
Shut up, Mark!

204
00:08:03,266 --> 00:08:04,599
That's pussy talk.

205
00:08:04,633 --> 00:08:05,600
Leonard?

206
00:08:05,634 --> 00:08:07,502
What are you doing up there?

207
00:08:07,537 --> 00:08:09,437
It's not the power
I'm addicted to.

208
00:08:09,472 --> 00:08:10,972
It's the camaraderie.

209
00:08:11,006 --> 00:08:12,140
There they are!

210
00:08:18,313 --> 00:08:20,247
Stop spying on me, daddy!

211
00:08:20,281 --> 00:08:22,415
Daddy?

212
00:08:22,449 --> 00:08:24,250
You're daddy.

213
00:08:24,284 --> 00:08:26,185
You're gonna pay
for this hand dent.

214
00:08:28,379 --> 00:08:30,147
Mom, can you talk to dad?

215
00:08:30,181 --> 00:08:31,849
He tried to kill my boyfriend.

216
00:08:31,883 --> 00:08:33,983
Oh, you have a boyfriend?
Is he hot?

217
00:08:34,018 --> 00:08:35,519
Oh, he's gorgeous!

218
00:08:35,553 --> 00:08:37,454
But he's even more
beautiful on the inside.

219
00:08:37,488 --> 00:08:39,223
He taught me the
true meaning of love.

220
00:08:39,257 --> 00:08:40,557
Aha, how's his ass?

221
00:08:40,592 --> 00:08:42,192
Does he have a nice ass?

222
00:08:42,226 --> 00:08:43,326
Um...Yeah.

223
00:08:43,361 --> 00:08:44,327
I mean, yeah, it's...

224
00:08:44,362 --> 00:08:45,528
It's nice.

225
00:08:45,563 --> 00:08:47,097
Uh-huh, what else?

226
00:08:47,131 --> 00:08:48,765
Does he talk dirty to you?
I'll bet he does.

227
00:08:48,799 --> 00:08:50,033
What kind of things
does he say?

228
00:08:50,067 --> 00:08:51,034
Okay, I'm gonna go, mom.

229
00:08:51,068 --> 00:08:52,035
Wait, wait, wait, wait!

230
00:08:52,069 --> 00:08:53,036
What are his balls like?

231
00:08:53,070 --> 00:08:54,404
Describe them.

232
00:09:07,952 --> 00:09:09,352
I can't believe
we're doing this.

233
00:09:09,387 --> 00:09:10,620
This has to be illegal.

234
00:09:10,655 --> 00:09:12,155
Some of them look 18.

235
00:09:12,189 --> 00:09:14,758
I should just let Grimes
show callie the photos.

236
00:09:14,792 --> 00:09:17,861
Then she can eat my intestines
for our anniversary dinner.

237
00:09:17,895 --> 00:09:19,228
Two birds, one stone.

238
00:09:19,263 --> 00:09:20,229
Stop it!

239
00:09:20,264 --> 00:09:21,464
I haven't had lunch yet.

240
00:09:21,498 --> 00:09:22,933
Oh, God!

241
00:09:22,967 --> 00:09:24,767
Callie's supposed to be
at our place in an hour.

242
00:09:24,802 --> 00:09:26,769
Randall, can you do me
a huge favor?

243
00:09:26,804 --> 00:09:28,538
You need me to bang her
till you get home?

244
00:09:28,572 --> 00:09:29,973
I need you to go
to hell's kitchen,

245
00:09:30,007 --> 00:09:31,174
Get some take-out,

246
00:09:31,208 --> 00:09:32,976
And make it look
like I cooked it, okay?

247
00:09:33,010 --> 00:09:35,445
Dude, you can count on me.

248
00:09:35,479 --> 00:09:36,713
Look at this guy.

249
00:09:36,747 --> 00:09:38,448
He is a parent's wet dream.

250
00:09:38,482 --> 00:09:39,816
What...
No way!

251
00:09:39,851 --> 00:09:41,117
No, I hear ya.

252
00:09:41,152 --> 00:09:42,886
I'd mouth blast him
if I was a chick.

253
00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:45,088
I'm talking about that.

254
00:09:45,123 --> 00:09:47,925
That's two Larry King
sightings in one day.

255
00:09:47,959 --> 00:09:48,926
What are the odds?

256
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:50,895
His new wife must go here.

257
00:10:20,625 --> 00:10:22,259
Blake, what's wrong?

258
00:10:22,293 --> 00:10:24,294
There's something awful
you don't know about me.

259
00:10:24,329 --> 00:10:25,462
Is it like your terrible

260
00:10:25,497 --> 00:10:26,897
"I sparkle in the sunlight"
secret?

261
00:10:26,931 --> 00:10:28,999
No, no, I realize,
in retrospect,

262
00:10:29,034 --> 00:10:30,901
That really wasn't so bad.

263
00:10:30,936 --> 00:10:33,604
But this one is so dark,
it's sure to tear us apart,

264
00:10:33,639 --> 00:10:35,773
And I don't think I could
survive without you.

265
00:10:35,807 --> 00:10:38,309
You're as much a part of me
as my pancreas.

266
00:10:38,344 --> 00:10:39,610
Okay, that's it.

267
00:10:39,645 --> 00:10:40,878
I can't take it anymore.

268
00:10:40,913 --> 00:10:41,946
Mr. Lilly?

269
00:10:41,980 --> 00:10:43,014
You, sir,

270
00:10:43,048 --> 00:10:45,851
Are the perfect gentleman.

271
00:10:45,885 --> 00:10:47,619
Sincere thanks, Mr. Lilly.

272
00:10:47,653 --> 00:10:48,986
All day
following you two around

273
00:10:49,021 --> 00:10:51,188
Because Tristan's dad
wants some dirt.

274
00:10:51,223 --> 00:10:53,491
Well, I can't think
of one reason

275
00:10:53,525 --> 00:10:55,158
The two of you
shouldn't be together.

276
00:10:55,193 --> 00:10:56,860
My father has ruined
every relationship

277
00:10:56,894 --> 00:10:57,961
I've ever been in.

278
00:10:57,995 --> 00:10:59,196
My phys-ed teacher,

279
00:10:59,230 --> 00:11:00,330
My stepbrother,

280
00:11:00,364 --> 00:11:01,698
The mall santa...

281
00:11:01,733 --> 00:11:03,500
I do kind of agree
with that last one.

282
00:11:03,535 --> 00:11:05,369
You two should elope
or something,

283
00:11:05,403 --> 00:11:06,470
Blow the old man off.

284
00:11:06,504 --> 00:11:07,871
Just...Whatever you do...

285
00:11:07,906 --> 00:11:09,974
Holy crap!
There's Larry King again.

286
00:11:21,620 --> 00:11:22,987
We can now confirm

287
00:11:23,021 --> 00:11:25,556
New yorkers are transforming
into Larry King.

288
00:11:25,591 --> 00:11:28,192
Our own alan whiter
is on the scene.

289
00:11:28,227 --> 00:11:29,494
Thank you, girl anchor.

290
00:11:29,528 --> 00:11:31,029
As the mysterious
mad Larry disease

291
00:11:31,063 --> 00:11:32,130
Sweeps through the city,

292
00:11:32,164 --> 00:11:33,598
I spoke with citizens who say

293
00:11:33,632 --> 00:11:36,034
They are fearful
that they might be next.

294
00:11:36,069 --> 00:11:37,535
My neighbor got it,

295
00:11:37,570 --> 00:11:39,370
And now all she does
is interview colin powell.

296
00:11:39,405 --> 00:11:41,672
I don't even know
how she got his number.

297
00:11:41,707 --> 00:11:44,041
As a kid wizard,
or kizard,

298
00:11:44,076 --> 00:11:47,077
I can safely say
this mad Larry disease

299
00:11:47,112 --> 00:11:50,481
Is scarier than
a level-three wedgie spell.

300
00:11:50,515 --> 00:11:52,082
I sell suspenders,

301
00:11:52,117 --> 00:11:54,018
And I think it's great!

302
00:11:54,052 --> 00:11:56,220
Health officials warn you
to avoid all contact

303
00:11:56,254 --> 00:11:58,656
With anyone resembling
the talk show legend.

304
00:11:58,690 --> 00:12:00,590
And under no circumstances

305
00:12:00,625 --> 00:12:02,626
Should you share a
needle with Larry King.

306
00:12:02,660 --> 00:12:05,129
It's currently believed
mad Larry disease

307
00:12:05,163 --> 00:12:07,932
Is being transmitted
through the blood.

308
00:12:07,966 --> 00:12:08,966
Did you hear that?

309
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,768
Through the blood!

310
00:12:10,802 --> 00:12:13,770
And to think, my daughter
is just one bite away.

311
00:12:13,804 --> 00:12:16,739
Grimes, it's not coming
from the vampires, okay?

312
00:12:16,774 --> 00:12:17,740
And I'm telling you,

313
00:12:17,775 --> 00:12:20,076
Blake is smart, courteous,

314
00:12:20,110 --> 00:12:22,645
Looks incredible
in a gentle breeze.

315
00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:24,147
I know what I'm talking about.

316
00:12:24,181 --> 00:12:25,982
That kid is at the center
of this whole plot.

317
00:12:26,016 --> 00:12:28,885
If only van helsing
had finished the job.

318
00:12:28,919 --> 00:12:30,954
Is that a van helsing
lunchbox?

319
00:12:30,988 --> 00:12:34,324
Yeah, I lost the thermos,
but it's still pretty cool.

320
00:12:34,358 --> 00:12:38,428
Listen, Mark, this is
pretty personal to me.

321
00:12:38,462 --> 00:12:41,497
I lost my wife to a vampire.

322
00:12:41,532 --> 00:12:43,833
A vampire ate your wife?

323
00:12:43,867 --> 00:12:46,435
No, vera had an affair
with "the count"

324
00:12:46,469 --> 00:12:47,969
And moved to boca.

325
00:12:48,004 --> 00:12:51,172
Grimes, sorry for your
unhealthy fixation on this guy,

326
00:12:51,207 --> 00:12:52,273
But I'm done.

327
00:12:52,308 --> 00:12:53,308
There's nothing to it.

328
00:12:53,342 --> 00:12:54,442
You're on your own.

329
00:12:54,476 --> 00:12:55,810
Oh, really?

330
00:12:55,844 --> 00:12:57,378
Well, I got a troll
sitting on your face

331
00:12:57,413 --> 00:12:58,379
That says different.

332
00:12:58,414 --> 00:13:00,148
Good lord!

333
00:13:00,182 --> 00:13:01,683
How much of this is there?

334
00:13:01,717 --> 00:13:04,020
It went on for some time.

335
00:13:04,054 --> 00:13:06,923
Time for your crash course
on vampire scumbags.

336
00:13:06,957 --> 00:13:08,625
Don't let her sweet looks
fool you.

337
00:13:08,659 --> 00:13:10,227
Katrina handles the blood,

338
00:13:10,261 --> 00:13:12,763
And she likes it.

339
00:13:12,797 --> 00:13:14,799
Johnny three-fangs
takes care of the bodies,

340
00:13:14,833 --> 00:13:16,201
Livestock or otherwise.

341
00:13:17,236 --> 00:13:18,803
And hepcat chet makes sure

342
00:13:18,838 --> 00:13:22,106
The medical supplies
are always stocked.

343
00:13:23,676 --> 00:13:25,477
Okay, so maybe
this doesn't look great,

344
00:13:25,512 --> 00:13:27,446
But that's not Blake.

345
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,381
You're right,
but who's that?

346
00:13:32,185 --> 00:13:34,754
Okay, that might be Blake,

347
00:13:34,788 --> 00:13:36,656
But it doesn't necessarily me...

348
00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:38,357
And that's a dead Larry.

349
00:13:40,394 --> 00:13:42,628
Now, that's just disrespectful.

350
00:13:42,663 --> 00:13:44,297
There must be some explanation
for this.

351
00:13:44,331 --> 00:13:46,533
Let me follow him
just a little bit longer.

352
00:13:46,567 --> 00:13:48,569
You've got two hours
to prove me wrong.

353
00:13:48,603 --> 00:13:51,038
Next up, it's 360
with Anderson Cooper.

354
00:13:51,073 --> 00:13:52,440
Don't change the channel.

355
00:13:52,474 --> 00:13:53,408
What?

356
00:13:53,442 --> 00:13:54,576
What?

357
00:13:55,934 --> 00:13:57,601
So where was I?

358
00:13:57,735 --> 00:14:00,303
Brain kabob, curried brain,

359
00:14:00,338 --> 00:14:02,005
Country fried brain.

360
00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:04,007
I'm telling you,
my zombie cookbook

361
00:14:04,042 --> 00:14:05,976
Is gonna make a fortune.

362
00:14:06,010 --> 00:14:09,146
Randall, where's Mark?

363
00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:11,249
I told you, he's on his way.

364
00:14:11,283 --> 00:14:12,817
And speaking of "on the way,"

365
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,820
My cookbook should be on the way
for the holidays.

366
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,322
You'll have brain pudding,

367
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:17,990
Brains and yams,

368
00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:20,460
Like, cake and [bleep].

369
00:14:33,275 --> 00:14:36,176
I should never have trusted
that snot-nosed punk.

370
00:14:36,211 --> 00:14:39,279
Time to handle this
the old-fashioned way.

371
00:14:39,313 --> 00:14:41,581
We have work to do, my darling.

372
00:14:41,615 --> 00:14:43,583
Paramus, new jersey, hello.

373
00:14:43,618 --> 00:14:44,584
Wonderful city.

374
00:14:44,618 --> 00:14:45,919
Oh, dear God, no!

375
00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:47,220
You say something, boss?

376
00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:48,754
I said, "saddle up."

377
00:14:48,789 --> 00:14:51,591
We're riding into vamp town.

378
00:14:51,625 --> 00:14:52,925
So how's work going?

379
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,627
I don't want to talk
about work.

380
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:56,763
Well, you got any hot friends
you could set me up with?

381
00:14:56,797 --> 00:14:58,330
I don't want to talk
about my friends.

382
00:14:58,365 --> 00:15:00,366
How's the being-a-huge-[bleep]
business going?

383
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,901
Oh, I see it's going great.
Ugh.

384
00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:04,170
Sit down before I destroy you.

385
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:06,172
And now you're giving me
orders in my own house?

386
00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:08,041
You better slow it down,
fire-crotch,

387
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,243
'cause you do not want me
in your grille.

388
00:15:13,348 --> 00:15:16,284
Oh, it is on.

389
00:15:19,155 --> 00:15:20,957
Leonard, I'm sure it's fine.

390
00:15:20,991 --> 00:15:22,125
We got to roll.

391
00:15:22,159 --> 00:15:23,793
Yeah, it's just been a while

392
00:15:23,828 --> 00:15:26,496
Since I've rode steed
into battle, as it were.

393
00:15:28,199 --> 00:15:29,433
Chain mail?

394
00:15:29,467 --> 00:15:30,901
They should call it
"chafe" mail.

395
00:15:30,935 --> 00:15:32,636
Hear that, guys?

396
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:33,937
"Chafe" mail?

397
00:15:33,971 --> 00:15:37,207
Hello?
Is anybody there?

398
00:15:44,681 --> 00:15:46,782
You are a terrible houseguest!

399
00:15:48,485 --> 00:15:51,020
Not my best work,
but it's a start.

400
00:15:51,054 --> 00:15:53,389
Is that what you tell Mark
after a [bleep] job?

401
00:15:59,262 --> 00:16:00,395
A hitler mustache?

402
00:16:00,430 --> 00:16:02,397
Just like I always thought.

403
00:16:07,168 --> 00:16:10,304
Fear me!

404
00:16:14,376 --> 00:16:16,777
My God!

405
00:16:16,811 --> 00:16:21,281
What have they done
to Larry King...?

406
00:16:23,418 --> 00:16:25,686
Failure to launch,
still thinking about it.

407
00:16:33,395 --> 00:16:34,896
Hey!
Mother suckers!

408
00:16:34,930 --> 00:16:38,933
Why don't you pick on
a king your own size.

409
00:16:38,967 --> 00:16:42,103
I fight better in felt.

410
00:16:42,138 --> 00:16:44,105
Say hello to my little helpers:

411
00:16:44,139 --> 00:16:47,342
Siegfried and roy.

412
00:16:58,388 --> 00:17:00,622
May I help you?

413
00:17:02,826 --> 00:17:06,028
What?

414
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,234
How do you like me now?

415
00:17:14,371 --> 00:17:16,972
So help me, you get anywhere
near my hair plugs,

416
00:17:17,006 --> 00:17:18,574
I'll rip your wings off.

417
00:17:18,608 --> 00:17:21,276
Oakland, california,
you're on with miss piggy.

418
00:17:25,281 --> 00:17:28,651
I hope you like your steak
well shoved-up-your-ass.

419
00:17:28,685 --> 00:17:29,718
Daddy?

420
00:17:31,055 --> 00:17:32,756
You totally look
like wolf blitzer.

421
00:17:34,091 --> 00:17:36,126
It's Larry King, darling.

422
00:17:36,161 --> 00:17:38,162
What is going on here?

423
00:17:38,196 --> 00:17:39,831
This is my father.

424
00:17:39,865 --> 00:17:41,533
He's a doctor.

425
00:17:41,567 --> 00:17:44,303
He's developed a cure
for the mad Larry disease.

426
00:17:44,337 --> 00:17:46,105
Now it makes sense.

427
00:17:46,139 --> 00:17:48,308
The bodies, the blood,
and syringes

428
00:17:48,342 --> 00:17:49,943
Were all for your research.

429
00:17:49,977 --> 00:17:52,912
But what about the goat?

430
00:17:52,946 --> 00:17:54,580
It's...it's a light snack.

431
00:17:54,614 --> 00:17:56,448
Daddy, listen to me.

432
00:17:56,483 --> 00:17:58,417
You've got to let him help you.

433
00:17:58,451 --> 00:18:01,086
How do I find the right words
to get through to him?

434
00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:02,954
You've got to let go
of your hostility,

435
00:18:02,989 --> 00:18:04,556
Because I think getting angry

436
00:18:04,590 --> 00:18:05,990
Is kind of like
another addiction.

437
00:18:06,024 --> 00:18:07,358
You know...
It's like that time

438
00:18:07,392 --> 00:18:08,592
You were addicted to percocet.

439
00:18:08,627 --> 00:18:09,693
Remember I found you in the...

440
00:18:09,728 --> 00:18:10,828
I'm sorry, Tristan.

441
00:18:10,862 --> 00:18:12,163
We don't have that kind of time.

442
00:18:12,197 --> 00:18:14,832
He's going full-blown Larry.

443
00:18:14,866 --> 00:18:17,468
May I help you?

444
00:18:17,503 --> 00:18:19,637
That Barbara Eden is hot.

445
00:18:19,671 --> 00:18:21,806
We should probably
take that as a yes.

446
00:18:26,814 --> 00:18:28,147
Oh, thank God!

447
00:18:28,182 --> 00:18:30,750
Grimes?
Are you okay?

448
00:18:30,784 --> 00:18:33,586
Yeah.
I'm all right.

449
00:18:33,620 --> 00:18:36,922
And so are those
filthy vampires.

450
00:18:36,957 --> 00:18:39,225
Trust me, that's
an improvement.

451
00:18:39,259 --> 00:18:40,892
Well, we did it.

452
00:18:40,926 --> 00:18:42,360
We?

453
00:18:42,395 --> 00:18:44,696
I saw you stomomping
on a vampire's neck

454
00:18:44,730 --> 00:18:46,164
Not five minutes ago.

455
00:18:46,198 --> 00:18:48,833
Oh, don't get lost
in the past, Mark.

456
00:18:48,868 --> 00:18:51,870
Oh, no one's ever won over
my dad before.

457
00:18:51,904 --> 00:18:53,905
You really are perfect.

458
00:18:53,940 --> 00:18:56,341
But then...
What is your dark secret?

459
00:18:56,375 --> 00:18:58,443
I'm not who I claim to be.

460
00:19:00,513 --> 00:19:02,515
This is my true
voice, my love.

461
00:19:02,549 --> 00:19:04,383
I hope that you can see past it,

462
00:19:04,418 --> 00:19:07,086
As well as my estates
in suffolk, wales,

463
00:19:07,121 --> 00:19:08,555
Lancashire, and newcastle.

464
00:19:08,589 --> 00:19:10,023
Oh, Blake,

465
00:19:10,057 --> 00:19:12,927
I'd love you even
if you were canadian.

466
00:19:12,961 --> 00:19:14,229
Callie?

467
00:19:14,263 --> 00:19:15,597
You here?

468
00:19:15,631 --> 00:19:17,466
I brought a nice brisket.

469
00:19:21,904 --> 00:19:24,440
- That Mark?
- It was.

470
00:19:24,474 --> 00:19:26,842
Well, I must say, you're
a worthy adversary.

471
00:19:26,876 --> 00:19:29,678
Your spirit's as fiery
as your crotch.

472
00:19:29,712 --> 00:19:31,914
And you can really take
some punishment.

473
00:19:31,948 --> 00:19:34,716
Yeah, well,
it's kind of my superpower.

474
00:19:34,751 --> 00:19:36,484
Lotsa blood!

475
00:19:36,518 --> 00:19:38,320
So much blood.

476
00:19:38,354 --> 00:19:40,889
Love is a funny thing.

477
00:19:40,923 --> 00:19:42,957
It can bring people together,

478
00:19:42,991 --> 00:19:46,394
And it can tear them apart.

479
00:19:46,428 --> 00:19:49,563
Me?
I'm not so sure about love.

480
00:19:49,597 --> 00:19:51,098
But I do know one thing.

481
00:19:51,132 --> 00:19:53,900
After hundreds of years
of boy meets girl,

482
00:19:53,934 --> 00:19:57,970
Girl meets vampire,
or werewolf meets robot...

483
00:20:00,306 --> 00:20:04,610
Nothing beats makeup sex.

484
00:20:09,382 --> 00:20:10,747
And we're back.

485
00:20:10,781 --> 00:20:12,448
Thankfully, so am I.

486
00:20:12,482 --> 00:20:14,684
The mad Larry disease
has been cured,

487
00:20:14,718 --> 00:20:16,585
And here to explain
exactly what happened

488
00:20:16,619 --> 00:20:18,820
Is Dr. Sanjay Goopta.

489
00:20:18,855 --> 00:20:20,122
Sanjay, in a word,

490
00:20:20,156 --> 00:20:21,690
Tell everyone
what the hell happened.

491
00:20:21,724 --> 00:20:24,325
Well, Larry, the cause
was a powerful combination

492
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:26,861
Of drugs that you yourself
had ingested.

493
00:20:26,895 --> 00:20:28,329
So you're saying
that I took pills.

494
00:20:28,363 --> 00:20:29,330
That's correct.

495
00:20:29,364 --> 00:20:30,631
And what pills did I take?

496
00:20:30,666 --> 00:20:32,333
Our tests show
you took plavix...

497
00:20:32,367 --> 00:20:33,801
No kidding.
Adderall...

498
00:20:33,835 --> 00:20:35,369
You don't say!
And viagra.

499
00:20:35,403 --> 00:20:37,404
Guilty as charged.

500
00:20:37,438 --> 00:20:38,872
And you may want
to take a closer look

501
00:20:38,906 --> 00:20:40,573
At your warning labels,
because, Larry,

502
00:20:40,608 --> 00:20:43,909
It clearly states on your viagra
that certain combinations

503
00:20:43,944 --> 00:20:45,244
Could cause cloning.

504
00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:46,812
I'll tell you what, Sanjaya,

505
00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:48,380
That's not the only thing
it'll cause.

506
00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:49,547
You know what I'm saying.

507
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:50,815
It's... It's Sanjay.

508
00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:52,050
We're gonna take
a commercial break.

509
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:53,919
And when we come back,
Suzanne Somers

510
00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:55,820
With some kind
of thigh machine.

511
00:20:56,154 --> 00:20:57,722
Get the viagra.

512
00:20:58,500 --> 00:21:01,500
Sync by fant0m
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