1
00:00:01,671 --> 00:00:04,106
They say cleanliness
is next to godliness.

2
00:00:13,861 --> 00:00:16,959
But it seems to me God
might not be the neat freak

3
00:00:16,994 --> 00:00:18,659
Everyone thinks he is,

4
00:00:18,694 --> 00:00:20,695
Because a lot of
what goes on down here

5
00:00:20,727 --> 00:00:22,159
Is pretty messed up.

6
00:00:26,672 --> 00:00:29,542
Get your hands off her,
you damn dirty ape!

7
00:00:31,582 --> 00:00:33,453
Use your inside voice!

8
00:00:34,588 --> 00:00:35,859
It's not me that's dirty.

9
00:00:35,894 --> 00:00:37,894
It's the dang spire.

10
00:00:43,671 --> 00:00:45,172
Hi, excuse me, miss.

11
00:00:45,206 --> 00:00:47,574
Could I please borrow your rag
and spray bottle?

12
00:00:47,608 --> 00:00:49,311
Knock yourself out.

13
00:00:54,016 --> 00:00:56,016
There we are.

14
00:00:56,051 --> 00:00:59,986
A shiny spire and gargoyles
you could eat off of.

15
00:01:01,022 --> 00:01:02,555
All right, boys.

16
00:01:02,589 --> 00:01:04,189
We'll get him on the ground.

17
00:01:04,224 --> 00:01:07,762
But before we do, let's
give the people a show.

18
00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:16,500
Sync by fant0m
www.addic7ed.com

19
00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:18,912
Morning, everyone.

20
00:01:18,946 --> 00:01:20,347
Hope you all
had a good weekend.

21
00:01:20,382 --> 00:01:21,683
I know Grimes did.

22
00:01:21,717 --> 00:01:24,586
He spent the whole time
monkeying around.

23
00:01:26,055 --> 00:01:28,590
I said, "monkeying around."

24
00:01:28,624 --> 00:01:30,326
I think he's referring
to the fact

25
00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:32,394
That I risked my life
arresting a giant ape.

26
00:01:32,429 --> 00:01:33,896
It's called
an opening joke.

27
00:01:33,930 --> 00:01:35,197
I had no idea.

28
00:01:35,231 --> 00:01:36,631
What?
Was I the only one here?

29
00:01:36,666 --> 00:01:38,133
I was completely lost.

30
00:01:38,167 --> 00:01:40,068
Curse my wretched delivery.

31
00:01:40,102 --> 00:01:41,302
That joke should have killed.

32
00:01:42,638 --> 00:01:44,538
Ops, my bad.

33
00:01:44,573 --> 00:01:47,141
Broken eye socket.

34
00:01:47,176 --> 00:01:48,844
So hot.

35
00:01:48,878 --> 00:01:51,614
I've never smelled my ear
so clearly.

36
00:01:51,648 --> 00:01:52,982
Okay, quick announcement.

37
00:01:53,017 --> 00:01:54,785
Due to a budget adjustment,

38
00:01:54,819 --> 00:01:57,454
We're temporarily shutting down
our social services department.

39
00:01:57,489 --> 00:01:59,056
What...

40
00:01:59,090 --> 00:02:01,658
This has nothing to do
with not laughing at my joke.

41
00:02:01,693 --> 00:02:04,629
And so after today,

42
00:02:04,663 --> 00:02:07,399
All services will be
shut down temporarily.

43
00:02:07,433 --> 00:02:10,002
Oh, no!

44
00:02:10,037 --> 00:02:12,740
No!

45
00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:17,245
I'm sensing some
panic in the room,

46
00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:18,414
And that's natural.

47
00:02:18,448 --> 00:02:19,982
But you are ready for this.

48
00:02:21,351 --> 00:02:23,119
You had me convinced
you really cared.

49
00:02:23,153 --> 00:02:25,521
I feel like such a fool!

50
00:02:27,692 --> 00:02:29,459
Do you feel like big man now?

51
00:02:30,494 --> 00:02:32,929
Just try to hang in there,

52
00:02:32,963 --> 00:02:35,498
And we'll pick back up
when the new budget kicks in.

53
00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:38,935
Yes, Kong?

54
00:02:38,969 --> 00:02:42,972
I was hired to clean
the empire state building,

55
00:02:43,006 --> 00:02:45,508
And that's all I was doing.

56
00:02:45,542 --> 00:02:48,012
When can I get my job back?

57
00:02:48,046 --> 00:02:51,148
You know kongs are not allowed
above the 40th floor

58
00:02:51,183 --> 00:02:52,517
Of any building.

59
00:02:52,551 --> 00:02:54,486
Your supervisor said
he made that very clear.

60
00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:56,789
I need to clean...

61
00:02:56,823 --> 00:02:58,558
Now!

62
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:01,294
Sorry.

63
00:03:01,328 --> 00:03:02,595
Fair enough.

64
00:03:02,629 --> 00:03:04,197
Listen, everyone,
message received.

65
00:03:04,232 --> 00:03:06,066
You're all emotional disasters.

66
00:03:06,101 --> 00:03:07,801
It feels good to be heard.

67
00:03:07,836 --> 00:03:09,470
The department
may have abandoned you,

68
00:03:09,505 --> 00:03:11,039
But I will not.

69
00:03:11,073 --> 00:03:13,141
Kong, I'll talk to my boss,
see what I can do.

70
00:03:14,477 --> 00:03:15,978
I'm so sorry.
You got a little...

71
00:03:16,012 --> 00:03:18,380
Hold still. Hold still.
There we go.

72
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:19,715
Any other questions?

73
00:03:19,750 --> 00:03:20,917
Yeah.

74
00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:22,285
When are you gonna wrap this up

75
00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:23,787
So I can toss you
out of the building?

76
00:03:25,556 --> 00:03:26,824
Come on, Grimes.

77
00:03:26,858 --> 00:03:28,458
Are the blindfolds
really necessary?

78
00:03:28,493 --> 00:03:30,361
Do I tell you
how to do your job?

79
00:03:30,395 --> 00:03:31,995
Don't sweat it, Mark.

80
00:03:32,030 --> 00:03:34,231
A little r&r might be
just what the doctor ordered.

81
00:03:34,265 --> 00:03:36,133
Whoa, you are already drunk.

82
00:03:36,168 --> 00:03:39,036
I just lost my job,
and I live at the ymca.

83
00:03:39,071 --> 00:03:41,572
Get off my back, mother.

84
00:03:44,543 --> 00:03:46,510
Would you mind
violently tossing me out

85
00:03:46,545 --> 00:03:48,112
On the upper west side,
please?

86
00:03:48,146 --> 00:03:49,280
Not a problem.

87
00:03:49,314 --> 00:03:51,849
I'll send you a hologram.

88
00:03:51,883 --> 00:03:54,084
I'm sure he'll be fine.

89
00:03:55,787 --> 00:03:58,055
All those people left
out in the cold like that.

90
00:03:58,089 --> 00:03:59,523
It really sends a chill
up my spine.

91
00:03:59,557 --> 00:04:01,358
I had a dream
that I slept with Twayne

92
00:04:01,392 --> 00:04:03,060
At the demon convention
this weekend

93
00:04:03,094 --> 00:04:05,062
And it brought about
the end of days.

94
00:04:05,096 --> 00:04:06,831
Did you hear anything
I just said?

95
00:04:06,865 --> 00:04:08,699
I can't believe
how little you care.

96
00:04:08,734 --> 00:04:11,402
I can't believe you have no
concern about me and Twayne.

97
00:04:11,437 --> 00:04:13,372
And I can't believe
it's not butter.

98
00:04:13,406 --> 00:04:15,074
What are you doing
in my bedroom

99
00:04:15,108 --> 00:04:16,409
With a tub of margarine?

100
00:04:16,443 --> 00:04:18,545
Oh, I masturbate in
here on Fridays.

101
00:04:18,579 --> 00:04:20,613
Speaking of which, when
are you gonna clear out?

102
00:04:21,283 --> 00:04:23,384
There's my ride.

103
00:04:23,918 --> 00:04:25,752
Later.

104
00:04:25,786 --> 00:04:28,421
It's good that we can
confide in each other.

105
00:04:28,456 --> 00:04:29,422
Right?

106
00:04:29,456 --> 00:04:30,890
Good... good talk.

107
00:04:30,924 --> 00:04:33,392
Oh, looks like
I'm free and clear.

108
00:04:33,426 --> 00:04:35,427
Hey, maybe you and I
could hang out today

109
00:04:35,461 --> 00:04:36,428
When you're done.

110
00:04:36,462 --> 00:04:37,429
Pass.

111
00:04:37,463 --> 00:04:38,430
Why?

112
00:04:38,464 --> 00:04:40,098
I need my space.

113
00:04:40,132 --> 00:04:42,767
Having you out of the house
every day is why we work.

114
00:04:42,801 --> 00:04:44,202
Come on.

115
00:04:44,236 --> 00:04:46,238
You can show me
how the other half lives

116
00:04:46,272 --> 00:04:48,840
Or not lives,
'cause...'cause you're dead.

117
00:04:48,875 --> 00:04:49,842
Fine.

118
00:04:49,876 --> 00:04:51,243
But we better get a move on.

119
00:04:51,277 --> 00:04:52,945
This day isn't gonna
waste itself.

120
00:04:59,053 --> 00:05:00,554
Yeah, you're right.

121
00:05:00,588 --> 00:05:02,155
It's got a good snap
but too much recoil.

122
00:05:02,190 --> 00:05:05,059
Hey, do you do hand jobs?

123
00:05:05,093 --> 00:05:07,394
I never knew you worked
as a handyman.

124
00:05:07,428 --> 00:05:10,330
I apprenticed
under a master peephole-ist.

125
00:05:11,999 --> 00:05:13,432
That ought to do it.

126
00:05:15,068 --> 00:05:16,401
Whoa, whoa, franco.

127
00:05:16,436 --> 00:05:18,169
Keep your hat on
till we're gone.

128
00:05:18,204 --> 00:05:20,672
I didn't think
you were a dog person.

129
00:05:20,706 --> 00:05:22,440
Well, I'm not a
dog person, per se.

130
00:05:25,210 --> 00:05:26,444
Then why are you doing this?

131
00:05:26,478 --> 00:05:29,147
Look how cute you are!

132
00:05:29,181 --> 00:05:31,383
Rub your fur on my face!

133
00:05:32,952 --> 00:05:34,987
I want to have sex
with these women.

134
00:05:35,021 --> 00:05:36,522
I got it.

135
00:05:37,724 --> 00:05:39,258
You've done
more interesting things

136
00:05:39,293 --> 00:05:41,528
Before lunch
than I've done in a month.

137
00:05:41,562 --> 00:05:44,564
I like to think of life
as a permanent stay-cation.

138
00:05:44,598 --> 00:05:45,565
Hey, look.

139
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,033
A lucky Penny.

140
00:05:50,371 --> 00:05:51,538
Yo, Sandra Bullock,

141
00:05:51,572 --> 00:05:52,838
I think this is my stop.

142
00:05:54,708 --> 00:05:58,377
Can this be any worse?

143
00:05:58,411 --> 00:06:00,513
No!

144
00:06:03,984 --> 00:06:04,918
I'm sorry.

145
00:06:04,952 --> 00:06:06,553
There's really nothing
we can do for you.

146
00:06:06,587 --> 00:06:08,721
But I don't have anything
below the waist.

147
00:06:08,755 --> 00:06:10,289
No insurance,
no service.

148
00:06:10,324 --> 00:06:12,358
The only way we
could see him now

149
00:06:12,392 --> 00:06:13,692
Is if it's an emergency.

150
00:06:13,727 --> 00:06:14,594
Really?

151
00:06:14,628 --> 00:06:16,595
You don't consider
this an emergency?

152
00:06:16,630 --> 00:06:17,997
No, I don't.

153
00:06:18,032 --> 00:06:19,733
Those are emergencies.

154
00:06:22,570 --> 00:06:24,337
Everyone else
is following the rules.

155
00:06:24,371 --> 00:06:26,639
Either you can do the same,
or I can call security.

156
00:06:26,673 --> 00:06:28,208
Grimes?

157
00:06:28,242 --> 00:06:30,877
My model trains
don't pay for themselves.

158
00:06:30,912 --> 00:06:33,914
We will not be spoken to
in this fashion, madam.

159
00:06:33,948 --> 00:06:35,916
I bid you good day.

160
00:06:35,951 --> 00:06:40,255
Now if you would be so kind
as to wipe me off the counter.

161
00:06:41,690 --> 00:06:43,325
Callie,

162
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:45,594
I have something
to confess to you.

163
00:06:45,628 --> 00:06:48,364
Look, they have orangina.

164
00:06:48,399 --> 00:06:50,299
Seems weird in a limo, right?

165
00:06:50,334 --> 00:06:53,435
Put down the orangina
for a moment.

166
00:06:54,971 --> 00:06:57,138
I've put off telling you this
for a long time.

167
00:06:57,173 --> 00:06:59,940
Callie,
I am head over heels...

168
00:07:01,376 --> 00:07:02,843
Afraid of giving
my speech tomorrow.

169
00:07:02,877 --> 00:07:05,211
Okay.

170
00:07:05,246 --> 00:07:06,813
Odd phrasing.

171
00:07:06,847 --> 00:07:08,047
See?

172
00:07:08,082 --> 00:07:09,349
That's what I'm talking about.

173
00:07:09,383 --> 00:07:10,917
But you speak in front

174
00:07:10,952 --> 00:07:12,486
Of the people at work
all the time.

175
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:13,486
Well, that's different.

176
00:07:13,521 --> 00:07:14,821
I have no respect for them.

177
00:07:14,855 --> 00:07:16,323
Have you written
your speech?

178
00:07:16,357 --> 00:07:17,624
Yes.

179
00:07:17,658 --> 00:07:19,192
I thought I'd start off
with a joke.

180
00:07:19,227 --> 00:07:21,128
That's great.
Let's try it on the driver.

181
00:07:22,029 --> 00:07:23,330
Oh, driver.

182
00:07:23,364 --> 00:07:24,865
We're trying a joke out
on you, okay?

183
00:07:24,899 --> 00:07:27,768
I'm laughing already.

184
00:07:27,802 --> 00:07:30,672
What's the difference
between a demonic council

185
00:07:30,706 --> 00:07:33,275
And a room full of chickens
with their heads cut off?

186
00:07:33,309 --> 00:07:35,043
I don't know.
What?

187
00:07:35,078 --> 00:07:37,646
The chickens
have far superior

188
00:07:37,681 --> 00:07:40,750
Midto upper-level
management skills.

189
00:07:43,187 --> 00:07:46,157
I should really probably
watch the road.

190
00:07:46,191 --> 00:07:49,059
Damn that joke and all who had
the misfortune of hearing it!

191
00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:53,229
My driving arms!

192
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:55,098
Oh, my!

193
00:07:56,701 --> 00:07:58,368
Fresh-cut limbs,

194
00:07:58,402 --> 00:08:01,370
Just like daddy
used to sever.

195
00:08:04,541 --> 00:08:05,574
Greetings.

196
00:08:05,609 --> 00:08:07,709
Leonard.
How's it going?

197
00:08:07,744 --> 00:08:09,844
Oh, I'm at a cannery
in Alaska.

198
00:08:09,879 --> 00:08:11,179
They gave me a free bunk.

199
00:08:11,213 --> 00:08:13,248
All I have to do
is gut the tuna.

200
00:08:13,282 --> 00:08:15,717
Man, you really get around,
don't you?

201
00:08:15,752 --> 00:08:17,319
I go with the wind, Mark,

202
00:08:17,353 --> 00:08:19,921
The rotten,
tuna-scented wind.

203
00:08:19,956 --> 00:08:22,691
God, that stinks.

204
00:08:28,998 --> 00:08:30,999
What are you doing?

205
00:08:31,034 --> 00:08:32,768
I write a freelance
advice column

206
00:08:32,802 --> 00:08:35,270
For transgendered mommies
in South America.

207
00:08:35,305 --> 00:08:37,706
Most of the questions
are just about moisture.

208
00:08:37,740 --> 00:08:39,741
Speaking of which, could
you drain my bag for me?

209
00:08:47,118 --> 00:08:49,219
Randall, I think we're gonna
clog the drain.

210
00:08:49,253 --> 00:08:50,587
It's cool.

211
00:08:50,621 --> 00:08:53,323
Virtually nothing
about this is cool.

212
00:08:53,357 --> 00:08:54,758
I nearly broke my neck

213
00:08:54,792 --> 00:08:56,493
Slipping on your snail trail
twice already.

214
00:08:56,527 --> 00:08:57,494
Oh, I'm sorry, dude.

215
00:08:57,528 --> 00:08:58,862
Here, sit down and pee

216
00:08:58,896 --> 00:09:00,765
While I go call
a wah-mbulance for you.

217
00:09:00,799 --> 00:09:03,801
Look, we really need
to do something about this,

218
00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:05,103
Like, today.

219
00:09:05,137 --> 00:09:06,437
Fine.

220
00:09:06,472 --> 00:09:08,105
I know a guy that can help.

221
00:09:08,140 --> 00:09:09,473
I'm not here right now,

222
00:09:09,508 --> 00:09:11,275
So leave a message
at the scream.

223
00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:13,911
Straight to voice mail.

224
00:09:13,945 --> 00:09:16,147
Dude, stop obsessing
on Callie.

225
00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:17,414
You know what they say.

226
00:09:17,449 --> 00:09:19,049
If you love someone,

227
00:09:19,084 --> 00:09:21,317
Stop bringing up your
whore girlfriend all the time.

228
00:09:22,453 --> 00:09:23,953
There's my girl.

229
00:09:23,987 --> 00:09:24,954
Hello.

230
00:09:24,988 --> 00:09:26,789
What's up, broseph?

231
00:09:26,823 --> 00:09:30,125
Oh, Kong! Hi.

232
00:09:30,159 --> 00:09:32,794
Just calling for a stat
repo on the work situ.

233
00:09:32,829 --> 00:09:35,229
I don't know
what you're saying.

234
00:09:35,264 --> 00:09:36,765
I'm climbing the walls
here, Mark.

235
00:09:36,799 --> 00:09:38,132
Deep breaths, now, Kong.

236
00:09:38,167 --> 00:09:39,133
You're not alone.

237
00:09:39,167 --> 00:09:41,369
Now, do you have a swiffer?

238
00:09:41,404 --> 00:09:42,471
Squirt it for me.

239
00:09:42,505 --> 00:09:43,939
Let me hear it.

240
00:09:43,973 --> 00:09:45,473
I want you to clean
your apartment.

241
00:09:45,508 --> 00:09:47,308
Clean it real good.

242
00:09:47,343 --> 00:09:49,978
I'll take care of the situation
as soon as I'm done here.

243
00:09:53,150 --> 00:09:54,150
Knock, knock.

244
00:09:54,184 --> 00:09:55,718
- Who's there?
- "Q."

245
00:09:55,752 --> 00:09:57,520
"Q" who?

246
00:09:57,554 --> 00:09:58,855
Don't cry.

247
00:09:58,889 --> 00:10:01,391
It's just me,
fiscal quarter one.

248
00:10:01,426 --> 00:10:03,694
Is that your opening joke?

249
00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:06,164
I'm screwed, aren't I?

250
00:10:06,198 --> 00:10:09,301
Perhaps if you focus more
on the actual speech.

251
00:10:09,335 --> 00:10:10,836
What have you got so far?

252
00:10:10,870 --> 00:10:13,371
Just some random thoughts,
you know, really rough.

253
00:10:13,406 --> 00:10:15,840
Increase
the creature-to-human ratio,

254
00:10:15,875 --> 00:10:18,976
Bring about the end of days,
2012,

255
00:10:19,010 --> 00:10:20,244
You complete me.

256
00:10:20,278 --> 00:10:21,578
I'm sorry.

257
00:10:21,612 --> 00:10:22,579
What was that last one?

258
00:10:22,613 --> 00:10:25,849
"You completely," right?

259
00:10:26,884 --> 00:10:28,184
I focus on speech.

260
00:10:28,219 --> 00:10:30,387
"I focus on speech"?

261
00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,288
Way to go, Twayne.

262
00:10:32,323 --> 00:10:34,858
I cannot believe I'm thinking
of sleeping with this guy.

263
00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:42,099
Let him suffer.

264
00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:46,536
Your tibia is basically
ground into paste.

265
00:10:46,570 --> 00:10:48,905
We're gonna have to rebuild it
out of coarse aggregate.

266
00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:52,008
The femur ain't looking
too hot either.

267
00:10:52,043 --> 00:10:53,677
The ball and socket's
basically gone.

268
00:10:53,711 --> 00:10:55,345
We're gonna need
to order some parts.

269
00:10:55,380 --> 00:10:56,980
What's the
E.T.A. on this?

270
00:10:57,015 --> 00:10:59,383
No way I can get him
fixed before Monday.

271
00:10:59,417 --> 00:11:00,684
Chet, this is bull[bleep].

272
00:11:00,718 --> 00:11:03,320
I helped you move.
Fix me now!

273
00:11:03,354 --> 00:11:05,856
Come on! There's got to be
something you can do.

274
00:11:05,891 --> 00:11:07,357
I could give him a loaner.

275
00:11:07,392 --> 00:11:09,259
It's not gonna be
a perfect match, though.

276
00:11:10,829 --> 00:11:11,895
Stay away from that.

277
00:11:11,930 --> 00:11:13,531
I will cut you!

278
00:11:13,565 --> 00:11:15,299
Leonard, what's going on?

279
00:11:15,334 --> 00:11:16,834
I'm in a man's hotel,

280
00:11:16,868 --> 00:11:18,369
And I'm addicted
to spray paint.

281
00:11:18,403 --> 00:11:19,570
That is all you need to know!

282
00:11:21,940 --> 00:11:22,907
Hello.

283
00:11:22,941 --> 00:11:23,908
Hey, Mark.

284
00:11:23,942 --> 00:11:25,376
The great brain here.

285
00:11:25,411 --> 00:11:26,844
Wanted to keep you
in the loop.

286
00:11:26,879 --> 00:11:28,679
Half of martin
nearly o.D.'d,

287
00:11:28,713 --> 00:11:31,114
Koala man's been recruited
by al-qaeda,

288
00:11:31,148 --> 00:11:33,216
And that guy
with a tree for a head

289
00:11:33,250 --> 00:11:34,884
Set himself on fire

290
00:11:34,918 --> 00:11:36,952
And is only 40% contained.

291
00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:38,587
How are things on your end?

292
00:11:38,621 --> 00:11:40,688
Better than that.

293
00:11:44,293 --> 00:11:45,693
On the day I'm hosting

294
00:11:45,727 --> 00:11:47,795
The biggest virgin sacrifice
in the history

295
00:11:47,829 --> 00:11:49,229
Of the fifth circle of hell,

296
00:11:49,264 --> 00:11:51,332
You go and scratch
my coffee table?

297
00:11:51,366 --> 00:11:52,400
I'm sorry, ma'am.

298
00:11:52,434 --> 00:11:53,968
It won't happen again.

299
00:11:54,003 --> 00:11:56,404
Yeah, I'm supposed
to torment you, consuela,

300
00:11:56,438 --> 00:11:57,772
Not the other way around.

301
00:11:59,108 --> 00:12:01,576
Yes, ma'am.

302
00:12:03,346 --> 00:12:04,447
Twayne?

303
00:12:04,481 --> 00:12:05,915
What are you doing

304
00:12:05,949 --> 00:12:07,383
In those underwear?

305
00:12:07,417 --> 00:12:09,753
There's no sense
in fighting it, Callie.

306
00:12:09,787 --> 00:12:12,489
It's written in the flesh.

307
00:12:15,993 --> 00:12:19,630
I'm disgusted,
but I can't look away.

308
00:12:19,664 --> 00:12:21,833
Is this destiny or pity?

309
00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:25,003
I'm good with either.

310
00:12:35,547 --> 00:12:37,180
Be gentle.

311
00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:39,683
It's my first time.

312
00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:41,818
Please shut up.

313
00:12:45,222 --> 00:12:46,989
I hope laurie's
sacrificial ceremony

314
00:12:47,023 --> 00:12:48,957
Goes better
than her birthday party.

315
00:12:48,992 --> 00:12:51,727
Whenever I see her
driving around in that 5 series,

316
00:12:51,761 --> 00:12:53,262
I feel embarrassed.

317
00:12:53,296 --> 00:12:54,863
Thank satan.

318
00:12:58,235 --> 00:13:00,136
What do you think
of the turtle pond, buddy?

319
00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:01,637
What can I say?

320
00:13:01,671 --> 00:13:02,972
Man does nice work.

321
00:13:05,009 --> 00:13:06,242
There you are.
Thank God.

322
00:13:06,276 --> 00:13:07,977
Callie, I need you...

323
00:13:08,012 --> 00:13:09,211
Will you stop doing that,
please?

324
00:13:09,246 --> 00:13:10,779
I need you too.

325
00:13:10,814 --> 00:13:12,147
You date a demon,
but this is what creeps you out?

326
00:13:12,182 --> 00:13:13,882
Don't turn away.
Look at it!

327
00:13:13,917 --> 00:13:14,917
Deal with this now.

328
00:13:14,951 --> 00:13:15,918
Sorry about that.

329
00:13:15,952 --> 00:13:17,653
Callie, I need you

330
00:13:17,687 --> 00:13:19,321
To sign Kong's
work release papers.

331
00:13:19,355 --> 00:13:21,256
Well, I'm thinking
about sleeping with Twayne.

332
00:13:21,291 --> 00:13:23,025
That's hideous.

333
00:13:23,059 --> 00:13:24,893
But I might have you beat.

334
00:13:24,928 --> 00:13:26,395
Listen, if you
have any interest

335
00:13:26,429 --> 00:13:27,863
In saving the human race,

336
00:13:27,897 --> 00:13:29,498
You may want to...

337
00:13:29,532 --> 00:13:31,700
Get your ass
down here right now!

338
00:13:33,663 --> 00:13:36,566
So after check-in,
my seminar is over there?

339
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,000
That's right, sir.

340
00:13:38,035 --> 00:13:39,802
Now, please lower your arm.

341
00:13:39,836 --> 00:13:42,037
I'm talking about a
solid three inches, bro.

342
00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:46,474
Gary, Zazibos,
how are your genitals?

343
00:13:46,508 --> 00:13:47,775
Hey, Twayne.

344
00:13:47,810 --> 00:13:49,277
I can't wait
for that keynote.

345
00:13:49,311 --> 00:13:51,312
To be over.
You know?

346
00:13:51,346 --> 00:13:52,313
Nice!

347
00:13:53,882 --> 00:13:56,149
He thought we were serious,
but we were in jest.

348
00:13:56,183 --> 00:13:57,751
Jest!

349
00:13:57,785 --> 00:14:00,654
This is gonna
be a disaster.

350
00:14:00,689 --> 00:14:02,790
You'll be fine.

351
00:14:02,824 --> 00:14:05,493
Wow, you are
sweaty all over.

352
00:14:05,528 --> 00:14:06,661
I know.

353
00:14:06,696 --> 00:14:07,829
I have to calm down.

354
00:14:07,864 --> 00:14:09,598
Blow on me, okay?

355
00:14:12,069 --> 00:14:15,171
I'm gonna
go wash my hand.

356
00:14:16,340 --> 00:14:18,175
What do you mean,
"never mind"?

357
00:14:18,209 --> 00:14:19,977
Oh, yeah, yeah,
crisis averted.

358
00:14:20,011 --> 00:14:22,012
Twayne totally losered himself
out of my pants.

359
00:14:22,046 --> 00:14:25,047
I just spent two hours
in Randall's van

360
00:14:25,082 --> 00:14:28,084
Listening to his summer breeze
mix tape.

361
00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:30,452
This will only take
a minute of your time.

362
00:14:30,486 --> 00:14:31,887
I'm sorry.

363
00:14:31,921 --> 00:14:33,988
They don't allow humans
in the convention.

364
00:14:34,022 --> 00:14:36,524
Maybe I'll sneak you
into my hotel room later

365
00:14:36,558 --> 00:14:37,524
Through the fire exit.

366
00:14:37,559 --> 00:14:39,025
Gee, thanks.

367
00:14:39,060 --> 00:14:41,094
Or maybe I'll find
someone else instead.

368
00:14:42,496 --> 00:14:44,231
Oh, come on!

369
00:14:45,433 --> 00:14:46,866
Can you believe this?

370
00:14:46,901 --> 00:14:48,869
This is schizophrenic
even by her standards.

371
00:14:48,903 --> 00:14:50,770
Right, dude.
That's what you like about her.

372
00:14:50,804 --> 00:14:53,907
Just forget about Callie
and enjoy your day off.

373
00:14:57,445 --> 00:15:01,315
Oh, well, that's just a lack
of professionalism.

374
00:15:01,350 --> 00:15:02,717
Is there anyone out there

375
00:15:02,751 --> 00:15:04,552
That takes their job
seriously anymore?

376
00:15:05,588 --> 00:15:08,056
I forgot about Kong again.

377
00:15:22,772 --> 00:15:23,772
Careful!

378
00:15:23,807 --> 00:15:25,908
You spilled soda on the rug.

379
00:15:25,942 --> 00:15:28,810
If you dab,
it'll come right out.

380
00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:30,445
It just has to.

381
00:15:30,479 --> 00:15:32,113
Mark, thank God you called.

382
00:15:32,147 --> 00:15:34,548
I've cleaned every inch
of my apartment.

383
00:15:34,583 --> 00:15:37,218
I even alphabetized
my entire kitchen.

384
00:15:37,252 --> 00:15:39,654
I tried to wash dirt,
but that just made mud,

385
00:15:39,688 --> 00:15:42,357
And then I stained my sheets
with soap.

386
00:15:42,392 --> 00:15:43,825
Soap, Mark.

387
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:46,395
How do you clean soap?
It's the endgame.

388
00:15:46,429 --> 00:15:49,265
I assure you, I'm doing
everything I possibly can.

389
00:15:49,299 --> 00:15:51,234
Is that calypso music?

390
00:15:51,268 --> 00:15:53,837
Yeah, I'm sure
you're on it.

391
00:15:53,871 --> 00:15:55,539
Don't be like that, Kong.

392
00:15:55,573 --> 00:15:56,674
I'm a man of my word.

393
00:15:56,708 --> 00:16:00,177
You're a dirty, dirty liar.

394
00:16:01,679 --> 00:16:03,780
I'm so sorry.

395
00:16:03,815 --> 00:16:05,782
All right, that does it.

396
00:16:05,816 --> 00:16:08,151
This madness must stop.

397
00:16:08,185 --> 00:16:11,320
You know, you were more gentle
with me when I had lady parts.

398
00:16:13,356 --> 00:16:16,391
It's just straight from
the seventh circle of hell.

399
00:16:16,425 --> 00:16:17,859
We've got sickles.

400
00:16:19,328 --> 00:16:23,031
Leonard, really not
a great time for a chat.

401
00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:24,032
Where are you now?

402
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:25,700
Da Nang, Mark.

403
00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:27,769
They worship me
like a God here.

404
00:16:28,872 --> 00:16:32,307
Prepare for the slaughtering!

405
00:16:32,341 --> 00:16:34,576
Wow, we're not even
through the weekend yet.

406
00:16:34,611 --> 00:16:38,280
Yeah, turns out
I really need structure.

407
00:16:38,314 --> 00:16:39,415
I am working on it.

408
00:16:42,319 --> 00:16:43,686
What's the holdup?

409
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:45,721
Bone raper was supposed to start
ten minutes ago.

410
00:16:45,756 --> 00:16:47,557
Let's hit the strip club
when this is over.

411
00:16:47,591 --> 00:16:49,626
I think one of those dancers
likes me.

412
00:16:52,030 --> 00:16:54,030
Callie, you have
to get me out of this.

413
00:16:54,064 --> 00:16:55,765
These charts are all wrong.

414
00:16:55,799 --> 00:16:57,701
I can't read
my own handwriting.

415
00:16:57,735 --> 00:16:59,569
I felt like I had
to take a dump,

416
00:16:59,604 --> 00:17:00,704
But nothing came out.

417
00:17:01,839 --> 00:17:03,006
Demon up, Twayne.

418
00:17:03,041 --> 00:17:04,908
You're a bone
raper, damn it!

419
00:17:04,942 --> 00:17:07,277
Now, pull yourself
together, get out there,

420
00:17:07,312 --> 00:17:09,413
And do what you've got to do.

421
00:17:09,447 --> 00:17:11,949
Callie, thank you.

422
00:17:11,984 --> 00:17:15,286
I want you to have this.

423
00:17:20,326 --> 00:17:23,929
One manlike entity
with a spine:

424
00:17:23,963 --> 00:17:26,964
Is that too much to ask?

425
00:17:30,156 --> 00:17:32,824
Thank you all for coming.

426
00:17:32,859 --> 00:17:36,094
My boss, Twayne,
couldn't be here tonight.

427
00:17:36,128 --> 00:17:38,396
See, he ate a baby...

428
00:17:38,431 --> 00:17:39,597
Baby?
I don't understand.

429
00:17:39,632 --> 00:17:40,832
Sounds delicious.

430
00:17:40,867 --> 00:17:44,269
That was smothered
in bad oysters.

431
00:17:45,471 --> 00:17:46,938
Got it.
Now I understand.

432
00:17:46,973 --> 00:17:50,342
How are we at the
department of integration

433
00:17:50,376 --> 00:17:53,578
Doing our part to bring
about the end of days?

434
00:17:53,613 --> 00:17:55,580
That's the question.
Isn't it?

435
00:17:55,615 --> 00:17:58,350
Yeah, and I got the answer.
In my pants!

436
00:17:58,384 --> 00:18:01,320
The first thing we did was
eliminate dental coverage

437
00:18:01,354 --> 00:18:02,854
From the health plan.

438
00:18:02,889 --> 00:18:05,891
I'd like to eliminate
your dental coverage.

439
00:18:07,159 --> 00:18:08,593
Know your limits, gary.

440
00:18:11,397 --> 00:18:14,766
So what's the difference
between a demonic council

441
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:17,468
And a room full of chickens
with their heads cut off?

442
00:18:17,503 --> 00:18:18,736
Callie!

443
00:18:18,771 --> 00:18:19,804
Mark.

444
00:18:19,838 --> 00:18:21,973
I will not
stand idly by

445
00:18:22,007 --> 00:18:23,574
While we turn our backs

446
00:18:23,609 --> 00:18:27,211
On the creatures who so
desperately need our help.

447
00:18:27,246 --> 00:18:30,214
What are you all looking at?
I fought for my country.

448
00:18:30,248 --> 00:18:33,117
I hope you're all enjoying
your fancy convention

449
00:18:33,152 --> 00:18:34,185
With your swag

450
00:18:34,219 --> 00:18:35,820
And your shrimp cocktails

451
00:18:35,854 --> 00:18:38,456
And whatever that is
you're eating up front.

452
00:18:38,491 --> 00:18:39,757
It's hummus.

453
00:18:39,792 --> 00:18:42,160
But I have a Kong
with ocd

454
00:18:42,194 --> 00:18:44,129
Who desperately needs
to get back to work.

455
00:18:44,163 --> 00:18:47,031
The american dream
is alive and well

456
00:18:47,066 --> 00:18:49,334
In Kong's giant messed-up head.

457
00:18:49,368 --> 00:18:52,471
And so I stand before you,

458
00:18:52,505 --> 00:18:54,706
Inspired by his obsession,
to ask,

459
00:18:54,740 --> 00:18:56,842
Nay, demand,

460
00:18:56,876 --> 00:19:00,345
That you sign
his work release papers.

461
00:19:00,380 --> 00:19:02,481
I'd be more than happy to.

462
00:19:02,515 --> 00:19:07,085
This is a perfect example
of how our program works.

463
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:10,489
If we can get bleeding-heart
vaginas like Mark Lilly

464
00:19:10,523 --> 00:19:11,857
To buy into our program,

465
00:19:11,892 --> 00:19:15,094
We will increase
the creature-to-human ratio,

466
00:19:15,129 --> 00:19:18,464
Assuring us all of a diminishing
human population

467
00:19:18,499 --> 00:19:22,267
And the end of days
for mankind.

468
00:19:22,302 --> 00:19:24,336
I'd love to read
that business plan.

469
00:19:24,370 --> 00:19:26,338
I'd love to read
your vagina.

470
00:19:26,372 --> 00:19:28,874
No, gary,
we're past that.

471
00:19:28,908 --> 00:19:30,675
My business plan,
actually.

472
00:19:34,714 --> 00:19:37,349
Yeah, wipe out the humans.

473
00:19:37,383 --> 00:19:38,350
Oh, except Mark.

474
00:19:43,389 --> 00:19:44,556
They're dead.

475
00:19:44,590 --> 00:19:46,491
My favorite.

476
00:19:46,526 --> 00:19:48,827
I'm sorry I don't care
about your students.

477
00:19:48,861 --> 00:19:51,129
And I'm sorry I,

478
00:19:51,163 --> 00:19:54,165
Don't really have anything
to apologize for.

479
00:19:54,199 --> 00:19:55,366
Well, how about
for not being

480
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,168
More possessive
and unreasonable?

481
00:19:57,202 --> 00:19:59,036
Sure, no problem.

482
00:19:59,071 --> 00:20:00,404
I'm glad we're together.

483
00:20:05,343 --> 00:20:07,478
We all like to complain
about our jobs,

484
00:20:07,512 --> 00:20:10,514
But some of us would go crazy
without them.

485
00:20:12,217 --> 00:20:15,085
And a good morning
to you, sir.

486
00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:18,322
For others,
work isn't something you do.

487
00:20:18,356 --> 00:20:21,225
It's something
you have done.

488
00:20:22,694 --> 00:20:24,562
The gun
really isn't necessary.

489
00:20:24,596 --> 00:20:27,498
Is your stupid face
necessary?

490
00:20:28,934 --> 00:20:30,401
But for me,

491
00:20:30,436 --> 00:20:33,071
It's about teaching new
citizens that in America,

492
00:20:33,105 --> 00:20:34,639
We're all equal,

493
00:20:34,673 --> 00:20:37,308
No matter how ugly.

494
00:20:39,045 --> 00:20:43,548
* Come slither up, creatures,
from under your stone *

495
00:20:43,582 --> 00:20:47,452
* to join New York's menagerie
of species unknown *

496
00:20:47,486 --> 00:20:49,721
* Well, you better conform *

497
00:20:49,756 --> 00:20:52,758
* or we'll drag
in your bones *

498
00:20:52,792 --> 00:20:57,342
* to the department
of integration. *

499
00:20:57,500 --> 00:21:01,500
Sync by fant0m
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