1
00:00:08,500 --> 00:00:11,000
You probably wondering
what's going on.
2
00:00:11,100 --> 00:00:12,500
Let me explain.
3
00:00:12,504 --> 00:00:15,239
You have a bear trap
locked onto your head
4
00:00:15,306 --> 00:00:17,841
ready to rip your jaws apart.
5
00:00:19,577 --> 00:00:21,578
You find yourself
in this situation
6
00:00:21,646 --> 00:00:24,615
because you're a pathetic,
useless worm.
7
00:00:24,682 --> 00:00:27,851
To escape,
you'll have to dig the key
8
00:00:27,919 --> 00:00:30,053
out of that guy's stomach.
9
00:00:30,121 --> 00:00:31,855
As a social worker,
I find that people
10
00:00:31,923 --> 00:00:36,360
tend to create obstacles
for themselves.
11
00:00:36,427 --> 00:00:38,529
They become
their own worst enemies,
12
00:00:38,596 --> 00:00:40,464
And all that tension
builds up inside
13
00:00:40,532 --> 00:00:43,300
Until they can't
hold it in anymore.
14
00:00:46,170 --> 00:00:48,272
Get out of here.
I got to drop a deuce.
15
00:00:48,339 --> 00:00:50,941
We are working out
a domestic issue,
16
00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:53,043
Not that it's
any of your business.
17
00:00:53,111 --> 00:00:54,945
I just made it my business.
18
00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:56,880
And now I'm going
to do my business.
19
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:07,000
Sync by fant0m
www.addic7ed.com
20
00:01:07,926 --> 00:01:10,027
You have one new message.
21
00:01:10,094 --> 00:01:13,697
Hi, I found a wallet
for one Mark Lilly.
22
00:01:13,765 --> 00:01:16,400
And I'm entering the witness
protection program today,
23
00:01:16,467 --> 00:01:17,768
so if you're
gonna want it back,
24
00:01:17,835 --> 00:01:19,870
You need to call me
immediately at...
25
00:01:19,938 --> 00:01:21,471
Beep!
Message cut off.
26
00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:23,273
Inbox is full.
27
00:01:23,341 --> 00:01:25,742
Randall, you've got to clear
Krystal's message
28
00:01:25,810 --> 00:01:26,977
off the machine.
29
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:29,313
No chance.
Crunch! Splort!
30
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:32,983
There should really
be a warning on this bag.
31
00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:35,819
Old message, 47 minutes.
32
00:01:40,525 --> 00:01:42,459
Her phone clearly dialed
you by accident.
33
00:01:42,527 --> 00:01:44,127
If you fast-forward
to minute 34,
34
00:01:44,195 --> 00:01:45,729
Her mumbling has the cadence
35
00:01:45,797 --> 00:01:47,631
Of someone saying,
"Randall, I love you."
36
00:01:50,134 --> 00:01:51,301
"Randall, I love you."
37
00:01:51,369 --> 00:01:52,636
Clear as day.
38
00:01:52,704 --> 00:01:54,171
She's the girl
you went zombie for.
39
00:01:54,238 --> 00:01:55,439
I get it.
40
00:01:55,506 --> 00:01:56,940
But you have to move on.
41
00:01:57,008 --> 00:01:58,475
She has a name.
42
00:01:58,543 --> 00:02:00,410
Krystal, with a "k."
43
00:02:00,478 --> 00:02:01,945
There are lots of other women
out there
44
00:02:02,013 --> 00:02:03,947
Who don't have
restraining orders against you.
45
00:02:04,015 --> 00:02:07,551
All you ve to do to meet them
is push that delete button.
46
00:02:07,619 --> 00:02:08,585
Not gonna happen.
47
00:02:08,653 --> 00:02:09,586
Come on.
48
00:02:09,654 --> 00:02:10,587
Let's push it together.
49
00:02:12,023 --> 00:02:15,559
No!
Snap!
50
00:02:15,627 --> 00:02:18,462
Beep! Message
erased... Forever.
51
00:02:18,529 --> 00:02:19,997
I'm proud of you.
52
00:02:20,064 --> 00:02:21,331
Just keep it.
53
00:02:25,703 --> 00:02:27,471
Everyone, this is Tim.
54
00:02:27,538 --> 00:02:29,439
I thought
his name Martin.
55
00:02:29,507 --> 00:02:30,507
We're Martin.
56
00:02:30,575 --> 00:02:31,942
Do we all look the same to you?
57
00:02:32,010 --> 00:02:33,010
Yes.
58
00:02:33,077 --> 00:02:34,611
As they should.
59
00:02:34,679 --> 00:02:36,113
They're all
direct descendants
60
00:02:36,180 --> 00:02:38,682
Of the original
two-headed worm creature, mitch.
61
00:02:38,750 --> 00:02:41,451
Worm creature history
is littered with examples
62
00:02:41,519 --> 00:02:43,920
Of right heads
dominating left heads,
63
00:02:43,988 --> 00:02:45,756
Going all the way back
64
00:02:45,823 --> 00:02:48,925
To the great unpaid butler
scandal of 1912.
65
00:02:48,993 --> 00:02:51,328
In the '50s, left heads
suffered the indignity
66
00:02:51,396 --> 00:02:53,530
Of separate drinking fountains.
67
00:02:53,598 --> 00:02:55,332
Then there was
the disturbing trend
68
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,934
Of right heads
pimping out left heads.
69
00:02:58,002 --> 00:03:00,470
I'm so glad that we work,
you know?
70
00:03:00,538 --> 00:03:01,705
Mwah!
71
00:03:01,773 --> 00:03:03,473
I know
what you're insinuating,
72
00:03:03,541 --> 00:03:05,375
But we don't have
a problem.
73
00:03:05,443 --> 00:03:09,680
That is, if certain heads want
to keep their last two teeth.
74
00:03:09,747 --> 00:03:10,881
I've seen enough.
75
00:03:12,016 --> 00:03:13,183
No!
76
00:03:13,251 --> 00:03:15,352
I can't make it on my own.
77
00:03:15,420 --> 00:03:17,220
Would you give us a minute,
please?
78
00:03:19,023 --> 00:03:20,190
Please don't upset him.
79
00:03:20,258 --> 00:03:21,958
He's not a merciful head.
80
00:03:22,026 --> 00:03:24,528
You need to get away
from him, Tim.
81
00:03:24,595 --> 00:03:27,164
Listen, I'm late
for my psych evaluations.
82
00:03:27,231 --> 00:03:29,566
But I'm here for you 24-7, man.
83
00:03:29,634 --> 00:03:31,635
You'll get through this.
84
00:03:31,703 --> 00:03:33,737
At least leave me the junk.
85
00:03:33,805 --> 00:03:37,474
Okay, it's time
for employee psych evaluations.
86
00:03:37,542 --> 00:03:39,142
Let's get started here.
87
00:03:39,210 --> 00:03:40,844
Any emotional issues you feel
88
00:03:40,912 --> 00:03:42,713
May impact your ability
to do your job?
89
00:03:42,780 --> 00:03:44,181
The only thing
that gets me out of bed
90
00:03:44,248 --> 00:03:46,016
Is the thought
of robbing a bank.
91
00:03:46,084 --> 00:03:47,884
Well, as long as it remains
a fantasy.
92
00:03:47,952 --> 00:03:51,354
It really bothers me that
I don't have any girlfriends.
93
00:03:51,422 --> 00:03:53,824
I just get along better
with guys for some reason.
94
00:03:53,891 --> 00:03:56,526
Again, just focused
on work issues here.
95
00:03:56,594 --> 00:03:58,328
I don't understand
today's women.
96
00:03:58,396 --> 00:04:00,163
Sure, megan fox
is handsome enough,
97
00:04:00,231 --> 00:04:01,631
But I've never once
heard her mention
98
00:04:01,699 --> 00:04:03,400
Her theories on housekeeping.
99
00:04:03,468 --> 00:04:06,636
You know, there are a lot of
online dating sites for seniors.
100
00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:07,904
Maybe you're right.
101
00:04:07,972 --> 00:04:09,906
Septuagenarians
have a sexual resume
102
00:04:09,974 --> 00:04:11,374
To please me in the sack.
103
00:04:11,442 --> 00:04:13,543
And by "sack,"
I mean testicles.
104
00:04:13,611 --> 00:04:15,979
I'm very particular
about how they're handled.
105
00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:18,715
I see.
Good to know.
106
00:04:18,783 --> 00:04:21,685
Grimes talked about old
women handling his balls
107
00:04:21,753 --> 00:04:23,487
for the rest of the hour.
108
00:04:23,554 --> 00:04:26,523
On top of that, I still feel
guilty about separating Tim.
109
00:04:27,892 --> 00:04:29,192
I'm responding to you.
110
00:04:29,260 --> 00:04:30,827
Wait a minute.
111
00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:32,696
What are we doing in a
restaurant with cloth napkins...
112
00:04:32,764 --> 00:04:34,731
Are we stalking Krystal?
113
00:04:34,799 --> 00:04:36,099
Well, I guess
you caught me, Mark.
114
00:04:36,167 --> 00:04:37,434
Now, quit blocking
my stalking mirror.
115
00:04:37,502 --> 00:04:39,903
Randall?
116
00:04:39,971 --> 00:04:41,972
Oh, great! Now you
got unibrow cong over.
117
00:04:42,039 --> 00:04:43,006
Happy?
118
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,641
Comrade zombie,
119
00:04:44,709 --> 00:04:47,511
You will leave,
or I will break you.
120
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:51,348
My only retina!
121
00:04:51,415 --> 00:04:52,582
So...
122
00:04:52,650 --> 00:04:53,850
How have you been?
123
00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:55,585
I just texted the police.
124
00:04:55,653 --> 00:04:57,988
You're so cute
when you threaten me.
125
00:04:58,055 --> 00:05:00,991
Now you will taste
my eye acid.
126
00:05:03,895 --> 00:05:06,730
Who squirts acid
out of their eye?
127
00:05:06,798 --> 00:05:08,965
What, were you
raised in a barn?
128
00:05:10,601 --> 00:05:12,269
You're lucky I was able
to pull some strings
129
00:05:12,336 --> 00:05:13,537
To get you out on bail.
130
00:05:13,604 --> 00:05:14,871
You're my four-leaf clover.
131
00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:16,239
I want you to promise me
132
00:05:16,307 --> 00:05:18,375
You're done
obsessing on Krystal.
133
00:05:18,442 --> 00:05:20,076
What am I supposed to do
all night?
134
00:05:20,144 --> 00:05:22,879
Stalking Krystal
was such a great time killer.
135
00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:24,948
I'm sure
you'll think of something.
136
00:05:26,350 --> 00:05:28,218
"Paper fastener."
137
00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:29,953
Four letters.
138
00:05:39,096 --> 00:05:41,298
It's like nothing I try
gets her off my mind.
139
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:43,934
The internet
will know what to do.
140
00:05:49,106 --> 00:05:52,242
Are you a zombie
but afraid to stalk?
141
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:53,710
Yes.
142
00:05:53,778 --> 00:05:56,947
Do you kill yourself
walking at a normal pace
143
00:05:57,014 --> 00:06:00,050
Rather than a comfortable
zombie stagger?
144
00:06:00,117 --> 00:06:04,254
I've never not done that.
145
00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:07,057
Hello, I'm Xavier gates,
146
00:06:07,124 --> 00:06:10,560
And if the answer to any
of these questions is yes,
147
00:06:10,628 --> 00:06:12,662
You should slowly come on down
148
00:06:12,730 --> 00:06:15,599
To the new paltz
zombieology center,
149
00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:19,236
Where the undead go
to feel alive.
150
00:06:28,145 --> 00:06:29,679
What?
151
00:06:29,747 --> 00:06:32,782
Randall,
why am I dressed like Krystal?
152
00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:34,251
Sorry, you're gonna have
to solve
153
00:06:34,318 --> 00:06:35,452
Your own problems
from now on.
154
00:06:35,519 --> 00:06:37,120
Why?
Where are you going?
155
00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:38,922
To the zombieology center.
156
00:06:38,990 --> 00:06:40,423
I'm leaving behind everything
I've ever known or been,
157
00:06:40,491 --> 00:06:41,958
Just like you told me.
158
00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:43,627
I'm pretty sure
I didn't say that.
159
00:06:43,694 --> 00:06:47,597
Your words can't hurt me
anymore, Krystal.
160
00:06:47,665 --> 00:06:50,467
At least give me time
to find a new roommate.
161
00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:59,075
I have nowhere else to go!
162
00:06:59,143 --> 00:07:01,711
You and worm guy
are gonna be great together.
163
00:07:05,772 --> 00:07:07,539
I made your
favorite breakfast,
164
00:07:07,607 --> 00:07:09,742
a hot dog bun filled
with scrambled eggs
165
00:07:09,809 --> 00:07:11,477
and all the fixings.
166
00:07:11,544 --> 00:07:13,278
How did you know
about egg dogs?
167
00:07:13,346 --> 00:07:15,314
You've only been here
15 minutes.
168
00:07:15,382 --> 00:07:17,282
I took your cell phone
and called your mother.
169
00:07:17,350 --> 00:07:18,550
Is that okay?
170
00:07:18,618 --> 00:07:20,486
You can cut me if you want.
171
00:07:20,553 --> 00:07:22,554
Listen, I know
you have codependency issues,
172
00:07:22,622 --> 00:07:25,958
But you don't need to seek out
my approval.
173
00:07:26,025 --> 00:07:28,794
Although
if you're looking for notes,
174
00:07:28,862 --> 00:07:31,230
It could use
a little pepper.
175
00:07:36,369 --> 00:07:39,371
Welcome to the zombieology
center, Randall.
176
00:07:39,439 --> 00:07:40,806
I'll be your mentor
177
00:07:40,874 --> 00:07:43,876
On your journey
to becoming a pure zombie.
178
00:07:43,943 --> 00:07:45,544
When do we start stalking?
179
00:07:45,612 --> 00:07:47,312
There's this girl
I'm really obsessed with,
180
00:07:47,380 --> 00:07:49,448
And I want to start
harassing her asap.
181
00:07:49,516 --> 00:07:50,716
Patience.
182
00:07:50,784 --> 00:07:52,785
You must creep
before you stagger.
183
00:07:54,087 --> 00:07:55,487
Hi, Xavier!
184
00:07:55,555 --> 00:07:56,722
Hi, Ashton.
185
00:07:56,790 --> 00:07:58,290
Great window smash.
186
00:07:58,358 --> 00:08:00,058
Really alarming.
187
00:08:00,126 --> 00:08:02,961
Ashton used to drive
a school bus.
188
00:08:04,431 --> 00:08:06,064
We affectionately
refer to this area
189
00:08:06,132 --> 00:08:07,833
As the graveyard.
190
00:08:07,901 --> 00:08:09,568
Because it is a graveyard?
191
00:08:09,636 --> 00:08:11,303
Precisely.
Oh, my God! No!
192
00:08:11,371 --> 00:08:12,971
Think of it
as a place where you can
193
00:08:13,039 --> 00:08:16,141
Really get in touch
with your inner monster.
194
00:08:16,209 --> 00:08:17,409
Inner monster?
195
00:08:17,477 --> 00:08:18,877
You sound like my roommate,
dude.
196
00:08:18,945 --> 00:08:20,145
Just get to the point.
197
00:08:20,213 --> 00:08:23,015
Very well.
Smack!
198
00:08:23,082 --> 00:08:26,251
We'll move
straight to burying you alive.
199
00:08:26,319 --> 00:08:29,488
Part of the reason
today's zombies are so soft is,
200
00:08:29,556 --> 00:08:32,724
Most never had to fight
their way out of the grave.
201
00:08:32,792 --> 00:08:33,992
Stop it.
202
00:08:35,094 --> 00:08:36,662
You're soiling my shirt.
203
00:08:36,729 --> 00:08:40,899
We'll worry about that
after we've broken you.
204
00:08:44,437 --> 00:08:47,005
See you after the dirt nap.
205
00:08:50,176 --> 00:08:51,677
Good evening, my lord.
206
00:08:51,744 --> 00:08:53,912
Hey, you can call me Mark.
207
00:08:53,980 --> 00:08:56,715
And I don't need
turndown service.
208
00:08:58,251 --> 00:08:59,084
It's okay.
209
00:08:59,152 --> 00:09:01,453
This is a safe place.
210
00:09:01,521 --> 00:09:03,922
We really need to work
on your self-esteem
211
00:09:03,990 --> 00:09:05,224
And your pillow fluffing.
212
00:09:05,291 --> 00:09:06,792
These things
could not be lumpier.
213
00:09:06,860 --> 00:09:09,561
Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
214
00:09:09,629 --> 00:09:10,729
Is that better?
215
00:09:10,797 --> 00:09:12,531
Yes, of course.
I apologize.
216
00:09:12,599 --> 00:09:13,866
I don't know
where that came from.
217
00:09:13,933 --> 00:09:16,535
Take the rest of the night off.
218
00:09:19,205 --> 00:09:21,707
So he's just
going to stand there.
219
00:09:32,018 --> 00:09:34,553
Well, well, look who's up.
220
00:09:34,621 --> 00:09:36,555
Well done, Randall.
221
00:09:36,623 --> 00:09:39,157
It's with great pleasure
that I bestow
222
00:09:39,225 --> 00:09:42,794
The official zombieology
grave climber badge.
223
00:09:45,965 --> 00:09:47,966
It is also
my distinct pleasure
224
00:09:48,034 --> 00:09:50,469
To offer you
this glass of water.
225
00:09:52,739 --> 00:09:56,575
I probably should have
done the water part first.
226
00:10:05,351 --> 00:10:07,286
American popping corn?
227
00:10:11,524 --> 00:10:14,760
Slower!
228
00:10:14,827 --> 00:10:16,728
More limping.
229
00:10:20,533 --> 00:10:22,935
See the door,
smash the door.
230
00:10:24,237 --> 00:10:26,471
Respect the door.
231
00:10:29,175 --> 00:10:32,844
Mark, I'd like you to meet
my new girlfriend.
232
00:10:32,912 --> 00:10:34,513
We met at the bus station.
233
00:10:34,581 --> 00:10:36,081
She's a runaway.
234
00:10:36,149 --> 00:10:39,184
I don't want to be
an actress anymore.
235
00:10:39,252 --> 00:10:40,452
Call me!
236
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:42,020
We'll go for Cosmos!
237
00:10:42,088 --> 00:10:43,088
Quiet.
238
00:10:43,156 --> 00:10:44,756
You'll wake Tim.
239
00:10:44,824 --> 00:10:48,794
I can't believe how small
he can make himself.
240
00:10:48,861 --> 00:10:50,495
What do you say
we torture him together?
241
00:10:50,563 --> 00:10:52,598
No, I'm breaking up
with him tonight
242
00:10:52,665 --> 00:10:54,833
Before he gets too attached.
243
00:10:56,736 --> 00:11:00,772
Class, the Randall
you met yesterday is no more.
244
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:03,008
He's taken a new zombie name,
245
00:11:03,076 --> 00:11:06,044
So let's say hello to...
246
00:11:08,581 --> 00:11:11,350
He's going to tell us
what he's learned so far.
247
00:11:15,421 --> 00:11:16,655
Excuse me.
248
00:11:16,723 --> 00:11:18,223
I still have some dirt
in my lungs.
249
00:11:18,291 --> 00:11:20,959
Unlike oxen,
zombies never sleep,
250
00:11:21,027 --> 00:11:23,462
So the greedy skin wearers
251
00:11:23,529 --> 00:11:27,032
Put our brothers and sisters
to work plowing fields.
252
00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:32,237
The live man's military used
our people to sweep for mines.
253
00:11:32,305 --> 00:11:36,174
By replacing crash test dummies
with zombies,
254
00:11:36,242 --> 00:11:38,510
The auto industry made millions
255
00:11:38,578 --> 00:11:42,814
On the rotting backs
of the undead.
256
00:11:42,882 --> 00:11:44,049
The end.
257
00:11:44,117 --> 00:11:46,485
A lot to think about.
258
00:11:46,552 --> 00:11:48,553
Well done.
259
00:11:48,621 --> 00:11:51,657
American cookie circle?
260
00:11:51,724 --> 00:11:53,392
Sit.
261
00:11:53,459 --> 00:11:55,193
Good boy.
262
00:11:56,929 --> 00:11:58,597
Mark, there's something
I need to tell you.
263
00:11:58,665 --> 00:12:00,265
Tim, I think we need to have
a little talk.
264
00:12:00,333 --> 00:12:01,667
Sorry.
You first.
265
00:12:01,734 --> 00:12:04,670
I'm going into labor!
266
00:12:04,737 --> 00:12:07,673
Hey, come on,
I just had the cab detailed.
267
00:12:07,740 --> 00:12:09,574
Oh!
Sorry, Mark.
268
00:12:09,642 --> 00:12:11,710
Didn't mean to interrupt.
269
00:12:11,778 --> 00:12:12,944
You were saying?
270
00:12:13,012 --> 00:12:14,012
Never mind.
271
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:15,914
You ever deliver a worm head?
272
00:12:15,982 --> 00:12:18,183
No, and the
meter's running, pal.
273
00:12:19,485 --> 00:12:21,186
The new head's coming, Mark.
274
00:12:21,254 --> 00:12:24,623
Leonard.
He'll know what to do.
275
00:12:24,691 --> 00:12:27,259
Nobody say a word,
or you're all dead.
276
00:12:27,326 --> 00:12:29,361
Hello!
277
00:12:29,429 --> 00:12:32,531
Leonard,
I got a little situation here.
278
00:12:32,598 --> 00:12:34,700
Tim has gone into labor.
279
00:12:36,202 --> 00:12:38,470
I've got a bit
of a situation myself.
280
00:12:38,538 --> 00:12:40,539
Are you robbing a bank?
281
00:12:42,775 --> 00:12:46,044
Mark, this is no time
for crazy accusations.
282
00:12:46,112 --> 00:12:47,713
Look into the neck hole.
283
00:12:47,780 --> 00:12:49,281
You should see a face.
284
00:12:50,616 --> 00:12:52,117
There's no face, just a chin.
285
00:12:52,185 --> 00:12:55,187
Oh, boy,
it's coming in breech.
286
00:12:55,254 --> 00:12:57,289
You're gonna have
to pull the head out.
287
00:12:57,356 --> 00:12:59,291
Zap!
Mark, I got to run.
288
00:13:07,333 --> 00:13:09,768
I'm so glad we're gonna
raise this head together.
289
00:13:09,836 --> 00:13:11,737
Don't ever leave me,
Mark Lilly.
290
00:13:14,674 --> 00:13:16,908
Daddy.
291
00:13:16,976 --> 00:13:18,643
Just drive, okay?
292
00:13:20,179 --> 00:13:21,813
You've staggered
293
00:13:21,881 --> 00:13:25,617
And you've smashed your way
right into our hearts.
294
00:13:25,685 --> 00:13:28,987
But you have one final step
to take.
295
00:13:29,055 --> 00:13:30,489
Bring out the cage!
296
00:13:30,556 --> 00:13:32,624
What the hell
is going on here?
297
00:13:32,692 --> 00:13:35,727
I demand to speak
to the manager in charge.
298
00:13:35,795 --> 00:13:38,730
Crack open his skull
and feast.
299
00:13:38,798 --> 00:13:42,134
Then we'll bring you Krystal
for dessert.
300
00:13:44,036 --> 00:13:45,237
Hey, stop it!
301
00:13:45,304 --> 00:13:46,605
This isn't funny anymore.
302
00:13:46,672 --> 00:13:48,240
I have a wife and mistress.
303
00:13:48,307 --> 00:13:49,841
Oh, yeah!
304
00:13:49,909 --> 00:13:51,409
Don't choke on his hair.
305
00:13:51,477 --> 00:13:53,645
Brains!
306
00:13:56,517 --> 00:13:59,119
I'd like to thank the
love of my life, Mark,
307
00:13:59,187 --> 00:14:00,687
who's going to
take care of me
308
00:14:00,755 --> 00:14:03,557
and my baby head
forever and ever.
309
00:14:03,625 --> 00:14:06,760
I hope this is first of many
for you and worm monster.
310
00:14:08,763 --> 00:14:10,264
Randall.
311
00:14:10,432 --> 00:14:12,933
Everyone,
I'd like to say something.
312
00:14:13,001 --> 00:14:14,401
I used to have a roommate.
313
00:14:14,469 --> 00:14:17,938
We could not have been
a worse match on paper.
314
00:14:18,006 --> 00:14:20,074
A zombie living with a human?
315
00:14:20,141 --> 00:14:22,843
But somehow, we made it work.
316
00:14:22,911 --> 00:14:24,445
Do you see
where I'm going with this?
317
00:14:28,250 --> 00:14:31,185
He has to be careful,
or he'll swallow his tongue.
318
00:14:31,253 --> 00:14:32,553
Congrats.
319
00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:35,623
I'm putting you two
back together.
320
00:14:35,690 --> 00:14:38,726
I'm gonna need your consent
to make this happen.
321
00:14:38,793 --> 00:14:42,129
Blink once if you want to rejoin
the left half.
322
00:14:45,901 --> 00:14:49,169
But my cigarette burns
haven't even healed up yet.
323
00:14:49,237 --> 00:14:52,773
Well,
now you can heal together.
324
00:14:52,841 --> 00:14:55,743
Daddy, don't go!
325
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,514
I don't know.
326
00:15:00,582 --> 00:15:02,283
I wouldn't have ordered the tims
back together
327
00:15:02,350 --> 00:15:03,551
If something wasn't off.
328
00:15:03,618 --> 00:15:06,086
May I be frank?
Please.
329
00:15:06,154 --> 00:15:09,957
Mark, my obsession with
bank robbery was all-consuming.
330
00:15:10,025 --> 00:15:12,359
But even after
the successful getaway,
331
00:15:12,427 --> 00:15:14,562
I found it didn't fix me...
332
00:15:14,629 --> 00:15:16,697
In here.
333
00:15:16,765 --> 00:15:18,032
So you did rob that bank.
334
00:15:18,099 --> 00:15:19,300
'cause legally,
I might be required to...
335
00:15:19,367 --> 00:15:20,734
You're missing the point.
336
00:15:20,802 --> 00:15:23,137
Your guilt about
driving Randall into a cult
337
00:15:23,204 --> 00:15:24,405
Is destroying you.
338
00:15:24,472 --> 00:15:25,973
"driving" is a little severe.
339
00:15:26,041 --> 00:15:28,275
I may have played
some small role in...
340
00:15:28,343 --> 00:15:31,378
Name the one thing that
Randall wants most in the world.
341
00:15:31,446 --> 00:15:32,379
Krystal?
342
00:15:32,447 --> 00:15:33,614
Yes.
343
00:15:33,682 --> 00:15:35,382
You've done the hard part.
344
00:15:35,450 --> 00:15:38,919
Now take that last step back
from the brink.
345
00:15:38,987 --> 00:15:41,455
What do you want me to do?
346
00:15:43,992 --> 00:15:47,328
This is not going to end well.
347
00:15:47,395 --> 00:15:49,196
All right, let's do this.
348
00:15:54,336 --> 00:15:57,271
I'm looking
for Randall skeffington.
349
00:15:57,339 --> 00:16:00,140
I heard
he wants to eat my brains.
350
00:16:00,208 --> 00:16:02,509
Yes, he checked out
this morning and went home.
351
00:16:02,577 --> 00:16:07,348
Huh, of course he did.
352
00:16:07,415 --> 00:16:09,183
Randall, where are you?
353
00:16:09,250 --> 00:16:11,418
Back home.
What's the matter, corn muffin?
354
00:16:11,486 --> 00:16:13,087
Oh, nothing much.
355
00:16:13,154 --> 00:16:14,955
Listen, I'm gonna
call you right back.
356
00:16:15,023 --> 00:16:16,490
Taxi!
357
00:16:22,230 --> 00:16:25,032
Leonard, you convinced
me that my very life
358
00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:27,635
depended on
turning into Krystal.
359
00:16:27,702 --> 00:16:29,336
Really not ringing a bell.
360
00:16:29,404 --> 00:16:30,704
To free Randall
361
00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:32,306
from living the rest of
his life in a cult?
362
00:16:32,374 --> 00:16:34,041
Mark, in case
you weren't aware,
363
00:16:34,109 --> 00:16:36,443
I have a serious
drinking problem.
364
00:16:36,511 --> 00:16:38,646
Whatever,
just get your wand out
365
00:16:38,713 --> 00:16:40,381
And get me
out of this tube top.
366
00:16:40,448 --> 00:16:43,317
Of course.
I'm nothing if not a pro.
367
00:16:43,385 --> 00:16:45,853
Abra re-dude-bra.
368
00:16:47,922 --> 00:16:51,458
Hocus add-a-penis.
369
00:16:52,527 --> 00:16:53,460
Tell you what.
370
00:16:53,528 --> 00:16:54,728
Let me sleep the booze off
371
00:16:54,796 --> 00:16:56,363
And give it another shot
in the morning.
372
00:16:57,966 --> 00:17:01,869
Boy, I could get lost
in those eyes.
373
00:17:03,538 --> 00:17:05,472
Yeah, they wanted me
to eat some dude's brain,
374
00:17:05,540 --> 00:17:07,207
Then pay, like, 500 bucks,
375
00:17:07,275 --> 00:17:08,842
So I told them
to kiss my grits.
376
00:17:10,245 --> 00:17:12,713
I really wish
I had that information
377
00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:14,581
Before I turned into a girl.
378
00:17:14,649 --> 00:17:16,684
Well, it might not
be a total loss.
379
00:17:16,751 --> 00:17:19,653
You could make a longtime
fantasy of mine come true.
380
00:17:23,091 --> 00:17:24,425
What's the big deal?
381
00:17:24,492 --> 00:17:25,859
No means no, mister.
382
00:17:25,927 --> 00:17:27,394
Let's see
if we can talk about this,
383
00:17:27,462 --> 00:17:30,264
As non-homicidal adults,
in the morning.
384
00:17:44,312 --> 00:17:45,713
What?
385
00:17:47,015 --> 00:17:48,916
I've really let myself go.
386
00:17:50,985 --> 00:17:53,587
Leonard, thank God!
What is happening to me?
387
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:55,622
I have some bad news.
388
00:17:55,690 --> 00:17:57,758
But first, did you get
the gift basket I sent
389
00:17:57,826 --> 00:17:59,026
From Dean and Deluca?
390
00:17:59,094 --> 00:18:00,627
I did not.
391
00:18:00,695 --> 00:18:03,297
Oh, it was supposed to be
delivered before 9:00.
392
00:18:03,364 --> 00:18:04,732
Just spit it out already.
393
00:18:04,799 --> 00:18:07,534
Well, it turns out
the spell I used on you
394
00:18:07,602 --> 00:18:09,536
Was actually a curse.
395
00:18:09,604 --> 00:18:11,905
Long story short,
you will die of old age
396
00:18:11,973 --> 00:18:13,607
By week's end
unless you...
397
00:18:15,443 --> 00:18:17,211
I didn't catch
that last part.
398
00:18:17,278 --> 00:18:20,147
You have intercourse
with a man
399
00:18:20,215 --> 00:18:22,382
To completion.
400
00:18:22,450 --> 00:18:25,819
You are a terrible wizard.
401
00:18:25,887 --> 00:18:27,621
I can't argue with that.
402
00:18:30,562 --> 00:18:32,330
Look, babe, you're
gonna have to face this,
403
00:18:32,398 --> 00:18:34,431
or you're going to die.
404
00:18:34,599 --> 00:18:37,734
Man, my cooch
is as dry as a bone.
405
00:18:37,802 --> 00:18:39,169
Is it hot in here?
406
00:18:39,237 --> 00:18:41,672
As much as I like
having a girlfriend,
407
00:18:41,739 --> 00:18:43,207
we have to get you laid...
408
00:18:43,274 --> 00:18:46,076
Soon.
409
00:18:46,144 --> 00:18:50,681
I'm gonna set you up with
a profile at undatables.Com.
410
00:18:50,748 --> 00:18:52,616
Better go as slutty
as possible.
411
00:18:52,684 --> 00:18:55,486
My specialty.
412
00:18:56,054 --> 00:18:59,323
Girlfriend,
you got a hit already.
413
00:18:59,391 --> 00:19:00,591
Oh, my!
414
00:19:00,659 --> 00:19:02,526
Is he... Cute?
415
00:19:02,594 --> 00:19:03,761
Depends.
416
00:19:03,829 --> 00:19:05,763
Do you like mustaches?
417
00:19:05,831 --> 00:19:09,734
This is the worst thing
that's ever happened to me.
418
00:19:12,804 --> 00:19:15,740
More cocktail syrup for
your shrimp scampi pancakes?
419
00:19:15,807 --> 00:19:17,508
No, we're finished, honey.
420
00:19:21,913 --> 00:19:24,849
I've recently
reentered the dating scene.
421
00:19:24,916 --> 00:19:26,717
And I've been making up
for lost time,
422
00:19:26,785 --> 00:19:28,185
If you know what I mean.
423
00:19:28,253 --> 00:19:30,755
You must be a real stud.
424
00:19:30,822 --> 00:19:32,723
You can be the judge of that.
425
00:19:34,459 --> 00:19:36,494
I'm gonna kill Leonard.
426
00:19:56,481 --> 00:19:57,715
Good morning, ma'am.
427
00:20:04,556 --> 00:20:07,057
Hey, here's the steel wool
you wanted.
428
00:20:07,125 --> 00:20:10,060
They say people
don't change,
429
00:20:10,128 --> 00:20:12,329
That we're dominated
by our genetic code.
430
00:20:13,665 --> 00:20:15,232
Mine.
431
00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:18,669
But you can't hide
from your faults forever.
432
00:20:18,737 --> 00:20:20,137
Presto change-o.
433
00:20:22,374 --> 00:20:24,308
It's probably best
to just try to be
434
00:20:24,376 --> 00:20:26,944
the best versions of
ourselves that we can...
435
00:20:27,012 --> 00:20:29,079
Applebee's, here we come.
436
00:20:29,147 --> 00:20:31,649
And away we go.
437
00:20:31,716 --> 00:20:35,052
And not to dwell on
the versions of ourselves...
438
00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:37,655
We'd like to forget.
439
00:20:37,722 --> 00:20:39,990
Listen, Lilly,
440
00:20:40,058 --> 00:20:41,792
Leonard told me
this was you.
441
00:20:41,860 --> 00:20:43,294
Let it go, Grimes.
442
00:20:43,361 --> 00:20:45,996
I got to say this once.
Then I'll go.
443
00:20:46,064 --> 00:20:48,799
If you ever find yourself
in that situation again,
444
00:20:48,867 --> 00:20:51,969
For whatever reason,
I'm here for you.
445
00:20:52,037 --> 00:20:53,637
You know where to find me:
446
00:20:53,705 --> 00:20:55,372
Long John Silver's,
447
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:56,541
corner booth.
448
00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:02,000
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