1
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,210
Current nobody Jessica Alba

2
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:19,212
Is trying to put herself
back on the map

3
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:22,015
By hooking up with former
president Abraham Lincoln.

4
00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:25,118
Older men are out,
but ancient men are totally in.

5
00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:26,720
He's tall, he's famous,

6
00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:29,222
And Louis Vuitton makes
his stovepipe hat.

7
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:32,058
The two are rumored
to be celebrating her birthday

8
00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:34,995
By attending the Broadway
show a corpse line.

9
00:01:35,062 --> 00:01:38,164
Do you think the evening might
end up in the Lincoln bedroom?

10
00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:40,800
I am so turned on by you
right now.

11
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:43,003
I'll tell you
what Lincoln and Alba need:

12
00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:48,174
A nickname, like bennifer
or brangelina or stoprah.

13
00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:50,010
Everyone is completely missing
the point.

14
00:01:50,077 --> 00:01:51,511
Lincoln is returning
to the theater

15
00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:54,381
For the first time
since his assassination.

16
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,152
Those who don't learn history
are doomed to repeat it.

17
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:02,022
Albaham!
Am I good or what?

18
00:02:03,124 --> 00:02:04,357
What...

19
00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:05,992
Go away.
Shoo.

20
00:02:06,060 --> 00:02:07,894
Why don't you make me,
wandless?

21
00:02:07,962 --> 00:02:09,162
Could if I wanted to.

22
00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:10,730
You are so dead!

23
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,198
What's going on here?

24
00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:13,833
Oh, what's up, player?

25
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:15,568
Careful, you're smearing.

26
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,837
Just hanging with my nemesis.

27
00:02:17,905 --> 00:02:20,306
And no acknowledgement
for me whatsoever.

28
00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:23,877
Less talking, more sning,
hologram.

29
00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:25,779
Why is he in 2-d?

30
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:27,113
I stopped him
when he was halfway

31
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:28,948
Between the underworld
and our world.

32
00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:32,519
I order you back
to the evil realm.

33
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,287
You screw off.

34
00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:36,189
Leonard, there's something
wrong with your wand.

35
00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:37,457
Just chillax.

36
00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:39,225
My wand is dope.

37
00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:40,627
I don't even need it.

38
00:02:40,695 --> 00:02:42,495
I'm scheduling
a wand consultation.

39
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:44,464
I'm as virile as ever.

40
00:02:44,532 --> 00:02:47,067
I can see your man-boobs
through that shirt.

41
00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:48,735
Eyes up here, terry.

42
00:02:48,803 --> 00:02:51,137
Okay, you need five minutes
in your time-out tube.

43
00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:53,673
And you, what's going on, buddy?

44
00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:56,476
It's not a late-life crisis,
if that's what you're implying.

45
00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:58,745
Wait, the polish
hasn't even set yet!

46
00:03:00,081 --> 00:03:01,414
Today I'd like to talk

47
00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:03,249
About Lincoln's
many accomplishments

48
00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:05,151
Since his death.

49
00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:06,886
He started
the Lincoln foundation,

50
00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:09,255
Helping minotaurs find
their way out of mazes.

51
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:10,657
He's actively involved

52
00:03:10,725 --> 00:03:13,560
In the rainbows for leprechauns
program.

53
00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:17,430
Perhaps most interesting of all,
he invented the sunroof.

54
00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:18,698
Toby.

55
00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:20,033
I heard that Alba
is just a beard

56
00:03:20,101 --> 00:03:21,901
And he's really
into Mark Wahlberg.

57
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:25,405
Can we get off Jessica Alba
d focus on what's important?

58
00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:27,373
Lincoln is able
to get so much done

59
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:31,244
Because he respects the rights
and opinions of others.

60
00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:34,080
I suppose that's aimed at me.

61
00:03:34,148 --> 00:03:35,415
Well, you tell me.

62
00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:37,217
Obviously, it struck a chord.

63
00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:39,219
Maybe it's something
for us to explore.

64
00:03:39,286 --> 00:03:40,553
Interesting.

65
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:42,722
You know, a good place
to start digging

66
00:03:42,790 --> 00:03:45,492
Might be
into Leonard's abdomen,

67
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:47,560
Preferably with a rusty knife.

68
00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:49,829
Your sarcasm
is not appreciated here.

69
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,865
I am completely sincere
when I say

70
00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:53,733
I want to floss
with Leonard's veins!

71
00:03:55,069 --> 00:03:56,736
Flossing is very important.

72
00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:02,509
Wonderful.
I just folded my bladder.

73
00:04:07,782 --> 00:04:10,617
I couldn't help but notice
that your pee is black too.

74
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:12,952
And we both have
barbed shafts.

75
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:15,555
Hurts so good.
Am I right, brother?

76
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:19,125
We are totally in sync.

77
00:04:19,193 --> 00:04:20,527
I'll shake him off.

78
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,695
Be the guest of myself.

79
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:23,963
Drip!

80
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:26,299
Two solid hours.

81
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:27,567
See this red dot?

82
00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:28,968
That indicates water damage.

83
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:30,603
Oh, water damage?

84
00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:33,940
I haven't been near
any so-called water.

85
00:04:34,008 --> 00:04:35,241
There's seaweed in it.

86
00:04:35,309 --> 00:04:36,743
Anyway, can't be fixed.

87
00:04:36,811 --> 00:04:38,611
And...Cue the hard sell.

88
00:04:38,679 --> 00:04:40,246
Check out the XL-550.

89
00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:41,781
Japanese cherry blossom.

90
00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:44,284
Only 49.99 per month,
century commitment,

91
00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:47,253
All of the spells
and unlimited hexing included.

92
00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:48,755
For the thousandth time,

93
00:04:48,823 --> 00:04:50,990
There's nothing wrong
with my wand.

94
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:52,892
When they're over 400,

95
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,895
They get really defensive
about the wizard stick.

96
00:04:57,898 --> 00:04:59,165
You're smoking now?

97
00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:00,967
This has nothing to do
with Lincoln.

98
00:05:01,035 --> 00:05:02,836
Whoa, where did that
come from?

99
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:05,271
Oh, never mind.

100
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:07,507
You wouldn't understand.

101
00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:09,175
Oh, I think I do.

102
00:05:09,243 --> 00:05:10,844
All the news about Lincoln
dating Alba

103
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:13,613
Has you feeling pressure
to act young...

104
00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:17,150
The ridiculous ponytail,
dating a mermaid 1/20 your age,

105
00:05:17,218 --> 00:05:18,785
The glitter.

106
00:05:18,853 --> 00:05:20,019
Go run me a bath.

107
00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:21,588
Yes, my liege.

108
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:22,922
Give me your wand
for a second.

109
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:25,859
Why?
Just humor me.

110
00:05:25,926 --> 00:05:27,794
There.
Was that so hard?

111
00:05:27,862 --> 00:05:29,462
No.
Now give it back.

112
00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:31,331
That's not how
this is going to go.

113
00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:33,299
Mark, I'll die
without that wand.

114
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:34,868
It's time
for a little tough love.

115
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:36,936
That wand is my life force!

116
00:05:39,874 --> 00:05:42,308
Just want to say
that I saw what happened

117
00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:44,644
And express how sorry I am.

118
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:46,412
But there are no refunds.

119
00:05:49,679 --> 00:05:52,014
Killing Leonard was...

120
00:05:52,081 --> 00:05:55,117
The single most traumatic
experience of my life.

121
00:05:55,184 --> 00:05:58,253
I hope you all can find it
in your hearts

122
00:05:58,321 --> 00:05:59,588
To understand that.

123
00:05:59,656 --> 00:06:00,822
Murderer!

124
00:06:00,890 --> 00:06:02,524
I guess not.

125
00:06:02,592 --> 00:06:04,660
So now I would like
to read a poem I've written

126
00:06:04,727 --> 00:06:07,863
Entitled wizard man.

127
00:06:07,930 --> 00:06:10,532
"Abra-cadad-bra..."

128
00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:11,800
Excuse me, sir.

129
00:06:11,868 --> 00:06:13,201
Mm-hmm?
No time?

130
00:06:13,269 --> 00:06:15,103
Sorry, looks like
we do not have time.

131
00:06:15,171 --> 00:06:17,606
Please enjoy some cookies
and coffee.

132
00:06:17,674 --> 00:06:21,310
Just tell me the part
where his head exploded again.

133
00:06:21,377 --> 00:06:22,577
No!

134
00:06:22,645 --> 00:06:24,646
Everyone out!

135
00:06:27,917 --> 00:06:29,518
What is going on?

136
00:06:29,585 --> 00:06:31,386
We have the room
for another 15 minutes.

137
00:06:31,454 --> 00:06:32,754
I said spread 'em.

138
00:06:32,822 --> 00:06:34,222
Hey, take it easy.

139
00:06:38,094 --> 00:06:41,163
Albaham!

140
00:06:41,230 --> 00:06:42,631
Oh, just ham.

141
00:06:48,938 --> 00:06:50,105
Mr. President!

142
00:06:50,173 --> 00:06:51,406
How did you know Leonard?

143
00:06:51,474 --> 00:06:53,742
Sir, back away from the glass.

144
00:06:56,779 --> 00:06:58,747
He must have really liked
leond.

145
00:06:58,815 --> 00:07:00,916
Wow, he's going to town
on that thing.

146
00:07:00,983 --> 00:07:03,318
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

147
00:07:03,386 --> 00:07:07,356
Presidential reassassination.

148
00:07:07,423 --> 00:07:08,690
Unbelievable!

149
00:07:08,758 --> 00:07:11,293
This has been happening to us
all day.

150
00:07:12,495 --> 00:07:15,197
Here it is.

151
00:07:15,264 --> 00:07:17,099
He's a lot denser
than he looked.

152
00:07:17,166 --> 00:07:20,702
Oh, you didn't say anything
about a five-story walk-up.

153
00:07:20,770 --> 00:07:23,004
You wait here,
and I'll find out

154
00:07:23,072 --> 00:07:24,506
If there's an elevator
or something.

155
00:07:24,574 --> 00:07:26,842
Don't eat that.

156
00:07:29,812 --> 00:07:31,413
Crash!
Oh, man.

157
00:07:31,481 --> 00:07:33,014
I should have used two hands.

158
00:07:34,684 --> 00:07:36,451
Hello?
Anyone home?

159
00:07:41,023 --> 00:07:43,425
Another Lincoln connection.

160
00:07:45,862 --> 00:07:48,530
Leonard was in Lincoln's
security detail?

161
00:07:48,598 --> 00:07:50,365
He kept that to himself.

162
00:07:50,433 --> 00:07:52,234
Oh, sorry!

163
00:07:52,301 --> 00:07:55,070
It's just, you seem
so much like a ghost.

164
00:07:55,138 --> 00:07:57,572
You break into my apartment
and call me a ghost.

165
00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:59,775
Eh, nice manners.

166
00:08:01,511 --> 00:08:04,946
So Leonard actually protected
Abraham Lincoln?

167
00:08:05,014 --> 00:08:08,216
Well, "protected" wouldn't be
how most would describe it.

168
00:08:09,652 --> 00:08:11,219
That man shot the president!

169
00:08:11,287 --> 00:08:12,621
Somebody stop him!

170
00:08:12,688 --> 00:08:15,624
Fan out! The assassin
must be nearby!

171
00:08:15,691 --> 00:08:17,292
I can't believe it;

172
00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:21,263
I'm talking to the world-famous
actor john wilkes booth.

173
00:08:21,330 --> 00:08:23,565
So long!

174
00:08:23,633 --> 00:08:26,601
Ah, much less charismatic
in person.

175
00:08:26,669 --> 00:08:30,505
From that night on, he never
stopped blaming himself.

176
00:08:30,573 --> 00:08:31,907
I know how he feels.

177
00:08:31,974 --> 00:08:36,278
I am so sorry
about killing your host.

178
00:08:36,345 --> 00:08:38,013
Leonard's not dead.

179
00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:40,348
Not dead?
We just had his funeral.

180
00:08:40,416 --> 00:08:43,185
Yeah, I probably should have
said something earlier.

181
00:08:43,252 --> 00:08:46,688
It was so nice having some time
to myself.

182
00:08:46,756 --> 00:08:48,590
Wait, but he blew up.

183
00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:50,192
Where is he?

184
00:08:50,259 --> 00:08:52,127
The gestation urn
that you carried over here,

185
00:08:52,195 --> 00:08:53,995
It holds Leonard's flesh
together

186
00:08:54,063 --> 00:08:57,632
So his body can regenerate back
into the original Leonard.

187
00:08:57,700 --> 00:09:00,168
Oh, my God, I didn't kill him.
That's incredible.

188
00:09:00,236 --> 00:09:01,736
Yup, super.

189
00:09:01,804 --> 00:09:04,739
I can't wait to get back
on manscaping duty.

190
00:09:04,807 --> 00:09:06,975
So many band-aids!

191
00:09:07,043 --> 00:09:09,778
There's pieces of Leonard
everywhere.

192
00:09:09,846 --> 00:09:12,180
Are you sure it all landed
in here?

193
00:09:12,248 --> 00:09:13,615
Leonard's hologram said

194
00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:15,083
We need to get all the pieces
together

195
00:09:15,151 --> 00:09:16,685
Before they regenerate,

196
00:09:16,752 --> 00:09:19,154
Or we're going to have
some kind of problem.

197
00:09:19,222 --> 00:09:20,522
You missed one.

198
00:09:21,524 --> 00:09:23,258
Magic!

199
00:09:23,326 --> 00:09:26,695
Magic! Magic! Magic! Magic!
Magic! Magic! Magic! Magic...

200
00:09:26,762 --> 00:09:29,331
This must be the problem
he was referring to.

201
00:09:32,237 --> 00:09:35,172
Who wants
chocolate chip cookies?

202
00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:36,674
Me!
Yeah.

203
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:39,477
I do.
I have a gluten allergy.

204
00:09:39,544 --> 00:09:41,278
They'll be ready
in 20 minutes.

205
00:09:41,346 --> 00:09:44,148
In the meantime, I want you
to edit down this grocery list.

206
00:09:44,216 --> 00:09:46,450
I am only buying one kind
of cereal.

207
00:09:47,886 --> 00:09:49,620
Make sure it's wheat free!

208
00:09:51,056 --> 00:09:52,523
Got your message.
Kind of busy.

209
00:09:52,591 --> 00:09:53,924
Do you have a question?

210
00:09:53,992 --> 00:09:57,428
Yes, how do we undo this?

211
00:09:57,496 --> 00:10:00,131
And why are you dressed
like that?

212
00:10:00,198 --> 00:10:03,868
I haven't been allowed
to dress myself in 500 years.

213
00:10:03,935 --> 00:10:05,202
Leonard hated brown.

214
00:10:05,270 --> 00:10:07,872
I think it brings out my eyes.

215
00:10:07,939 --> 00:10:11,108
Candy, candy, candy!

216
00:10:11,176 --> 00:10:12,443
You fed them?

217
00:10:12,511 --> 00:10:13,811
They gave me
the puppy dog eyes.

218
00:10:13,879 --> 00:10:15,312
You know, what could I do?

219
00:10:15,380 --> 00:10:17,648
Man, you just keep
screwing up.

220
00:10:17,716 --> 00:10:18,983
It's going to be
that much harder

221
00:10:19,050 --> 00:10:20,618
To mash them down now.

222
00:10:20,685 --> 00:10:21,886
What do you mean?

223
00:10:21,953 --> 00:10:24,121
I want to lick the bowl!

224
00:10:29,528 --> 00:10:31,896
Keep doing that,
and eventually you'll be left

225
00:10:31,963 --> 00:10:34,365
With one normal-sized Leonard.

226
00:10:34,432 --> 00:10:37,368
You're saying
I have to kill Leonard...

227
00:10:37,435 --> 00:10:38,702
Again...

228
00:10:38,770 --> 00:10:41,639
500 more times?

229
00:10:41,706 --> 00:10:43,874
You should have smashed
the garbage bag full of them

230
00:10:43,942 --> 00:10:46,710
Against the dumpster
when you had the chance.

231
00:10:46,778 --> 00:10:48,112
My penis is lightly huger.

232
00:10:49,314 --> 00:10:52,983
Last one down's a rusty wand!

233
00:10:55,053 --> 00:10:57,354
Okay, first rule of murdering:

234
00:10:57,422 --> 00:10:59,557
Don't get too attached.

235
00:10:59,624 --> 00:11:01,358
Hey, look, a bird...

236
00:11:01,426 --> 00:11:02,760
A little help!

237
00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:05,362
Hey, 7 wait up.
Bouncy, bouncy...

238
00:11:05,430 --> 00:11:06,931
I have nuts.

239
00:11:09,100 --> 00:11:11,502
Can I go play
in that guy's van?

240
00:11:14,005 --> 00:11:16,874
Yes, I'm afraid you can.

241
00:11:16,942 --> 00:11:18,108
Yay, sleepover!

242
00:11:18,176 --> 00:11:20,010
Do I regret this decision?

243
00:11:20,078 --> 00:11:23,247
I figure I'll lose 20 a day
to natural causes.

244
00:11:23,315 --> 00:11:25,382
We should have Leonard up
and running in a few months.

245
00:11:25,450 --> 00:11:27,384
Your denial's
really turning me on.

246
00:11:27,452 --> 00:11:29,286
Is that weird to say?

247
00:11:31,056 --> 00:11:34,458
* merrily, rrily,
merrily, merrily... *

248
00:11:34,526 --> 00:11:36,994
* merrily, merrily,
merrily, merrily *

249
00:11:37,062 --> 00:11:39,163
* life is but a dream *

250
00:11:39,231 --> 00:11:41,031
Good night, 21.

251
00:11:41,099 --> 00:11:42,766
Good night, number 311.

252
00:11:42,834 --> 00:11:44,368
Good night, 463.

253
00:11:44,436 --> 00:11:46,604
I think we're doing
a pretty good job.

254
00:11:46,671 --> 00:11:47,872
What do you think?

255
00:11:47,939 --> 00:11:49,106
I want you
out of the apartment

256
00:11:49,174 --> 00:11:50,407
By tomorrow morning.

257
00:11:50,475 --> 00:11:52,009
Wait.
Why?

258
00:11:52,077 --> 00:11:53,711
Dude, we go through
a bag of kitty litter

259
00:11:53,778 --> 00:11:55,212
Every ten minutes

260
00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:57,047
Because of
their bladder infections.

261
00:11:57,115 --> 00:12:01,118
Randall,
I'm itchy inside again.

262
00:12:01,186 --> 00:12:03,587
I'll get the cranberry juice.

263
00:12:10,028 --> 00:12:11,562
Mark and Randall's residence.

264
00:12:11,630 --> 00:12:14,098
I see you standing
over the body

265
00:12:14,165 --> 00:12:16,467
Of another dead president.

266
00:12:16,534 --> 00:12:18,969
We had cereal today.
What did you eat?

267
00:12:19,037 --> 00:12:20,471
Pay attention, damn it!

268
00:12:20,538 --> 00:12:22,039
Lincoln's going to die,

269
00:12:22,107 --> 00:12:24,775
And it's going to be
all your fault...Again!

270
00:12:24,843 --> 00:12:26,610
Hang up the phone, Twayne.

271
00:12:26,678 --> 00:12:28,312
I told you not to say my name.

272
00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:29,580
He couldn't hear that.

273
00:12:29,648 --> 00:12:30,881
How can you not hear "Twayne"?

274
00:12:30,949 --> 00:12:32,149
It sticks in your head.

275
00:12:32,217 --> 00:12:33,751
Twayne, Twayne, Twayne...

276
00:12:33,818 --> 00:12:35,586
Twayne, Twayne...

277
00:12:35,654 --> 00:12:38,956
Somebody's going to try
to kill a man named Lincoln,

278
00:12:39,024 --> 00:12:40,457
And we have to stop him.

279
00:12:40,525 --> 00:12:42,493
Pass it on.

280
00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:44,595
67 just called you a girl.

281
00:12:44,663 --> 00:12:46,463
Pass it on.

282
00:12:46,531 --> 00:12:49,800
God, it's perfectly natural
to sit down when you pee.

283
00:12:49,868 --> 00:12:51,568
Pass that on!

284
00:12:51,636 --> 00:12:53,904
Tell me what you want.

285
00:12:53,972 --> 00:12:55,272
I want you...

286
00:12:55,340 --> 00:12:57,708
To murder all the tiny leonards
for me.

287
00:12:57,776 --> 00:12:59,076
Get out.

288
00:12:59,144 --> 00:13:00,444
I'm not just
some murdering demon

289
00:13:00,512 --> 00:13:02,146
Who kills out of obligation.

290
00:13:02,213 --> 00:13:03,914
I do it for pleasure.

291
00:13:03,982 --> 00:13:05,883
If you'd just please
let me sleep here tonight,

292
00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:09,286
I promise I'll slaughter
all of them tomorrow.

293
00:13:11,089 --> 00:13:14,058
I heard the slender one say
he wants to murder us.

294
00:13:14,125 --> 00:13:15,759
Maybe we should cut a deal.

295
00:13:15,827 --> 00:13:17,227
We have to work together.

296
00:13:17,295 --> 00:13:18,896
Lincoln's life depends on it.

297
00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:21,932
It's every Leonard for himself.

298
00:13:24,769 --> 00:13:25,970
Magic!

299
00:13:31,476 --> 00:13:35,346
There can be only one Leonard.

300
00:13:39,417 --> 00:13:42,319
Just bide your time, 254.

301
00:13:42,387 --> 00:13:44,688
They'll destroy themselves
soon enough.

302
00:13:47,492 --> 00:13:49,793
Okay, guys, I'm getting
kicked out again.

303
00:13:49,861 --> 00:13:51,195
Time to get back in the sack.

304
00:13:51,262 --> 00:13:52,529
Let's do it.

305
00:13:55,934 --> 00:13:59,503
Suck it, Lilly.

306
00:14:01,039 --> 00:14:02,873
Plotting Lincoln's
reassassination with you

307
00:14:02,941 --> 00:14:06,110
Has been the happiest
time of my life.

308
00:14:06,177 --> 00:14:08,479
Reassassinate Lincoln?

309
00:14:10,081 --> 00:14:12,816
Hello, Mark Lilly.

310
00:14:12,884 --> 00:14:16,353
Did I just hear you talking
about killing the president?

311
00:14:16,421 --> 00:14:18,122
Who were you talking to?

312
00:14:18,189 --> 00:14:20,057
Hee-yah!

313
00:14:20,125 --> 00:14:24,395
See, when I say I'm with you,
I'm with you all the way.

314
00:14:24,462 --> 00:14:26,163
Don't make me cry.

315
00:14:26,231 --> 00:14:27,631
I'm going to get all wrinkled.

316
00:14:29,367 --> 00:14:30,634
Oh, no.

317
00:14:34,506 --> 00:14:36,440
Dut, dut, dut,
I've got to find somebody

318
00:14:36,508 --> 00:14:38,809
To kill these leonards for me.

319
00:14:42,347 --> 00:14:44,548
Grimes, you're my hit man?

320
00:14:44,616 --> 00:14:47,384
Who's this Grimes?
I'm Raoul, Mark.

321
00:14:47,452 --> 00:14:48,886
Now, what's this about?

322
00:14:48,953 --> 00:14:51,088
You need to find
these little leonards

323
00:14:51,156 --> 00:14:52,756
And kill them.

324
00:14:52,824 --> 00:14:56,260
If that doesn't happen,
Lincoln will be dead again

325
00:14:56,327 --> 00:14:57,961
Within a fortnight.

326
00:14:58,029 --> 00:15:00,164
What do you care?
Lincoln's already dead.

327
00:15:00,231 --> 00:15:01,832
It's not for me.
It's for Leonard.

328
00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:04,334
If I don't get him back
to full size by showtime,

329
00:15:04,402 --> 00:15:06,437
He'll lose his chance
to redeem himself.

330
00:15:06,504 --> 00:15:09,173
I will hunt down and kill
your leprechauns.

331
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:10,841
But I am just one man.

332
00:15:10,909 --> 00:15:13,544
Sounds like you could use
a snitch.

333
00:15:15,046 --> 00:15:16,580
27, here I come!

334
00:15:16,648 --> 00:15:18,082
Let's hear him out.

335
00:15:18,149 --> 00:15:19,516
I can track them.

336
00:15:19,584 --> 00:15:21,418
I inserted chips
between their shoulder blades

337
00:15:21,486 --> 00:15:22,953
While they were sleeping.

338
00:15:23,021 --> 00:15:25,489
I'll serve them up
on a silver platter.

339
00:15:25,557 --> 00:15:26,757
What's the catch?

340
00:15:26,825 --> 00:15:28,025
I get to be the Leonard...

341
00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:30,461
That saves the president.

342
00:15:30,528 --> 00:15:31,995
Deal.

343
00:15:32,063 --> 00:15:34,498
And you gotta keep
these bad boys coming.

344
00:15:34,566 --> 00:15:36,834
I don't work with junkies.

345
00:15:36,901 --> 00:15:38,335
What other choice do we have?

346
00:15:38,403 --> 00:15:40,604
Fine, but I don't want
to see it.

347
00:15:43,942 --> 00:15:45,509
Oh, hi.
Can I get you a drink?

348
00:15:45,577 --> 00:15:46,777
Stop!

349
00:15:46,845 --> 00:15:49,113
Yeah!

350
00:15:49,180 --> 00:15:50,714
Right leg, blue.

351
00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:53,250
Oh, God, no.
No!

352
00:15:56,855 --> 00:15:58,388
Faster!

353
00:16:09,267 --> 00:16:11,235
Hasta la vista, baby.

354
00:16:11,302 --> 00:16:12,603
Do it.

355
00:16:14,639 --> 00:16:17,307
What have I become?

356
00:16:19,878 --> 00:16:21,345
You don't want to do this,
son.

357
00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:32,589
Screw you, Lincoln!

358
00:16:32,657 --> 00:16:33,891
Again.

359
00:16:33,958 --> 00:16:36,160
Fourscore, my ass!

360
00:16:36,227 --> 00:16:37,594
Again.

361
00:16:37,662 --> 00:16:39,863
Mary Todd was a...
oh, came in early there.

362
00:16:39,931 --> 00:16:41,598
Damn it,
hit the hole and unroll.

363
00:16:41,666 --> 00:16:43,167
Is that so hard?

364
00:16:43,234 --> 00:16:44,668
Look, there's no sense
in doing this

365
00:16:44,736 --> 00:16:46,670
If it isn't going to be fun.

366
00:16:46,738 --> 00:16:48,372
I'm sorry.

367
00:16:48,439 --> 00:16:50,340
I just get worked up sometimes.

368
00:16:51,676 --> 00:16:53,076
That's my head.

369
00:16:53,144 --> 00:16:55,612
Oh, I'll get
some liquid paper.

370
00:16:57,611 --> 00:16:59,946
Night's the night
for Glitz, Glam,

371
00:17:00,014 --> 00:17:02,181
And impenetrable security.

372
00:17:02,249 --> 00:17:05,351
Anyone who looks suspicious
is being taken away.

373
00:17:05,419 --> 00:17:06,853
You're in for
a world of pain, son.

374
00:17:08,355 --> 00:17:11,557
We love you, Abe!

375
00:17:11,625 --> 00:17:12,825
What am I thinking?

376
00:17:12,893 --> 00:17:14,327
My rotator cuff hurts.

377
00:17:14,395 --> 00:17:15,628
I can't make that throw.

378
00:17:15,696 --> 00:17:19,065
Twayne, look in my eyes.

379
00:17:19,133 --> 00:17:22,735
You are going to murder
a man tonight.

380
00:17:22,803 --> 00:17:25,872
We're going to murder
a man tonight.

381
00:17:25,939 --> 00:17:29,409
I've never been a "we."

382
00:17:31,612 --> 00:17:33,413
And...

383
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:34,981
Ththat's the last of 'em.

384
00:17:39,153 --> 00:17:41,220
Shouldn't he be larger?

385
00:17:41,288 --> 00:17:45,558
My eyes are having trouble
adjusting to their new size.

386
00:17:45,626 --> 00:17:47,093
Son of a bitch.

387
00:17:47,161 --> 00:17:49,462
You're not going to believe
where he is.

388
00:17:50,998 --> 00:17:53,099
Don't worry, Mr. President.

389
00:17:53,167 --> 00:17:54,967
I've got your back.

390
00:17:55,035 --> 00:17:56,769
These are the best seats
you could get?

391
00:17:56,837 --> 00:17:58,871
Well, I want mosh pit
for lady gaga.

392
00:17:58,939 --> 00:18:00,973
Whatever you say, dear.

393
00:18:01,041 --> 00:18:04,644
What the fudge is a mosh pit?

394
00:18:04,712 --> 00:18:06,312
What are we going to do?

395
00:18:06,380 --> 00:18:07,980
We'll never make it
to the theater in time.

396
00:18:08,048 --> 00:18:10,116
And even if we did,
we'd never get in.

397
00:18:10,184 --> 00:18:11,918
You know what has to be done.

398
00:18:11,985 --> 00:18:13,419
I'm not proud of this,

399
00:18:13,487 --> 00:18:15,488
But I crushed up some vicodyns
in his pudding.

400
00:18:15,556 --> 00:18:16,789
Now finish the job.

401
00:18:16,857 --> 00:18:19,325
Me?
I hired you to do this.

402
00:18:19,393 --> 00:18:20,760
I've never killed a partner.

403
00:18:20,828 --> 00:18:22,161
I'm not going to start today.

404
00:18:22,229 --> 00:18:24,230
You want to bring back
your pal, Lilly,

405
00:18:24,298 --> 00:18:25,932
You got to take out your tampon.

406
00:18:25,999 --> 00:18:29,235
Venti frappuccino, extra whip.

407
00:18:29,303 --> 00:18:32,271
Grande americano, no room,
two splendas.

408
00:18:33,674 --> 00:18:36,175
And he remembered the splendas.

409
00:18:36,243 --> 00:18:38,010
What's the plan anyway?

410
00:18:38,078 --> 00:18:39,746
Boy, is it hot in here?

411
00:18:39,813 --> 00:18:42,682
I can feel my heart...

412
00:18:42,750 --> 00:18:45,718
Beating...In...My...Tongue.

413
00:18:45,786 --> 00:18:47,553
Tell you what.

414
00:18:47,621 --> 00:18:50,256
Why don't you hop up on the bed
and tuck yourself in?

415
00:18:50,324 --> 00:18:51,724
But I gotta get up.

416
00:18:51,792 --> 00:18:54,360
The president needs me.

417
00:18:56,063 --> 00:18:58,197
I'm going to need you
to stop talking

418
00:18:58,265 --> 00:19:00,199
And close your eyes

419
00:19:00,267 --> 00:19:03,202
And go to your happy place.

420
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:08,007
* dead *

421
00:19:08,075 --> 00:19:09,909
* living as a zombie *

422
00:19:09,977 --> 00:19:13,246
* limping around,
craving brains *

423
00:19:13,313 --> 00:19:14,614
* dead *

424
00:19:14,681 --> 00:19:16,816
* your reanimated body *

425
00:19:16,884 --> 00:19:18,751
* is pus, bile,
and oozing veins *

426
00:19:18,819 --> 00:19:22,355
Looks like some heroics
are in order.

427
00:19:23,957 --> 00:19:27,527
What I wouldn't give
for 2 1/2 more feet.

428
00:19:27,594 --> 00:19:28,995
* The Earth *

429
00:19:29,062 --> 00:19:31,564
* they'll shoot you
with a shotgun *

430
00:19:31,632 --> 00:19:34,667
* life, you really haven't
got one *

431
00:19:34,735 --> 00:19:38,538
Sic semper tyrannis!

432
00:19:38,605 --> 00:19:40,406
* you are... *

433
00:19:41,708 --> 00:19:45,211
* you are... *

434
00:19:45,279 --> 00:19:48,114
Yes!

435
00:19:50,851 --> 00:19:52,985
* doo doo doo *
we got the perp.

436
00:19:53,053 --> 00:19:54,387
The national nightmare is over.

437
00:19:54,455 --> 00:19:56,322
What the hell are you doing?

438
00:19:56,390 --> 00:19:58,558
He's trying to murder me.

439
00:19:58,625 --> 00:20:00,126
It's not what it looks like.

440
00:20:01,528 --> 00:20:03,095
Don't listen to him.

441
00:20:03,163 --> 00:20:05,965
He's done it before.

442
00:20:07,501 --> 00:20:10,336
They say
all the world's a stage.

443
00:20:10,404 --> 00:20:12,905
Attempted murder
is a serious charge, buddy.

444
00:20:12,973 --> 00:20:15,141
You're going to have to quit
attacking old ladies.

445
00:20:15,209 --> 00:20:17,844
We spend our entire lives

446
00:20:17,911 --> 00:20:21,614
Trying to hit our Mark
before the curtain drops.

447
00:20:21,682 --> 00:20:23,749
50-foot radius, Mark.

448
00:20:23,817 --> 00:20:27,987
But maybe the roles we play
aren't what's important.

449
00:20:30,524 --> 00:20:34,694
It's who we get to share
the stage with that counts.

450
00:20:34,761 --> 00:20:37,196
Looks like you slayed
some dragons out there.

451
00:20:37,264 --> 00:20:39,632
You've spoken out of turn.

452
00:20:39,700 --> 00:20:42,301
Yes, sir, I, too, have grown
these past few days.

453
00:20:42,369 --> 00:20:44,937
I must admit I was wrong
about the brown.

454
00:20:45,005 --> 00:20:47,773
It's like I'm seeing your eyes
for the first time.

455
00:20:47,841 --> 00:20:50,510
Thanks for acknowledging.

456
00:20:50,577 --> 00:20:52,144
Call me?

457
00:20:52,212 --> 00:20:55,414
I have no choice.

458
00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:02,000
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