1
00:00:00,602 --> 00:00:02,922
We like to think
of the holiday season

2
00:00:03,032 --> 00:00:06,117
as a time of tolerance
and good cheer.

3
00:00:06,152 --> 00:00:08,207
- Happy Halloween!
- I think of it more as a weekend

4
00:00:08,277 --> 00:00:11,230
with relatives where hopefully,
no one gets killed.

5
00:00:11,340 --> 00:00:14,029
- Trick or treat!
- I'm sorry, children.

6
00:00:14,030 --> 00:00:17,491
We don't celebrate that
vile and racist holiday.

7
00:00:17,571 --> 00:00:19,320
It's called Halloween.

8
00:00:19,677 --> 00:00:22,922
And I'd advise you to give these
children some humping candies.

9
00:00:24,619 --> 00:00:27,318
Get out!

10
00:00:30,348 --> 00:00:32,553
Ah! I forgot the twins!

11
00:00:33,368 --> 00:00:34,815
Mommy!

12
00:00:34,816 --> 00:00:36,828
Somebody call the police!

13
00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:38,524
The police are
already here, ma'am!

14
00:00:38,835 --> 00:00:41,439
I better see some Twizzlers
when I get back!

15
00:00:41,474 --> 00:00:43,554
In the kitchen,
I saw raisins!

16
00:00:49,479 --> 00:00:52,745
Today, I thought
we would focus on "Samhain,"

17
00:00:52,780 --> 00:00:54,462
our national demonic holiday...

18
00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:55,763
Thank you
for not saying "Halloween."

19
00:00:55,798 --> 00:00:59,228
And, more to the point,
tolerance of said holiday.

20
00:00:59,263 --> 00:01:00,797
I'm gonna puke.

21
00:01:00,865 --> 00:01:02,265
Hey, I don't
like this either,

22
00:01:02,333 --> 00:01:04,100
but your racial insensitivity

23
00:01:04,168 --> 00:01:06,236
is about to get you
kicked off the force.

24
00:01:09,308 --> 00:01:10,910
I ate way too much candy.

25
00:01:10,945 --> 00:01:11,908
Oh.

26
00:01:11,976 --> 00:01:14,511
Stupid smell sensors.

27
00:01:14,578 --> 00:01:17,454
We are all old enough
to remember a time

28
00:01:17,489 --> 00:01:18,548
when October 31st

29
00:01:18,616 --> 00:01:21,151
meant dressing up
as witches and warlocks,

30
00:01:21,218 --> 00:01:23,153
but as the creature
population grew,

31
00:01:23,220 --> 00:01:25,689
they took the human holiday
as an affront,

32
00:01:25,756 --> 00:01:31,494
culminating in the horrible
Halloween riots of 1979.

33
00:01:31,562 --> 00:01:33,530
Real turbulent time there.

34
00:01:33,597 --> 00:01:35,498
Hello, everyone.

35
00:01:35,566 --> 00:01:37,101
Class, we are all in luck.

36
00:01:37,181 --> 00:01:40,236
Miss Maggotbone is taking us all
on an insider's tour

37
00:01:40,304 --> 00:01:41,705
of hell before the holiday.

38
00:01:43,074 --> 00:01:44,541
All in favor of agreeing

39
00:01:44,608 --> 00:01:46,409
that Grimes has learned
his lesson, say, "Aye."

40
00:01:46,477 --> 00:01:48,207
- Aye.
- Thank God.

41
00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:50,545
Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow!

42
00:01:52,650 --> 00:01:54,084
Hello?

43
00:01:54,151 --> 00:01:57,740
Anyone home?

44
00:01:57,775 --> 00:01:59,456
Perhaps I have
the wrong address.

45
00:01:59,523 --> 00:02:03,259
The abusive house who refuses
to be occupied?

46
00:02:03,327 --> 00:02:04,894
Hoo-ah!

47
00:02:04,962 --> 00:02:07,897
Look, it says here
you were built in 1935.

48
00:02:07,965 --> 00:02:10,633
How about we start
acting our age?

49
00:02:10,701 --> 00:02:14,537
This from an ancient wizard
in cowboy boots?

50
00:02:14,605 --> 00:02:17,374
Would you like to talk
or be destroyed?

51
00:02:17,441 --> 00:02:19,809
How long have you got?

52
00:02:21,812 --> 00:02:24,914
Now, when you think "hell,"
most of you probably think

53
00:02:24,982 --> 00:02:27,717
of the fancy outlet stores
and upscale chain restaurants,

54
00:02:27,785 --> 00:02:29,219
but there's more to it
than that,

55
00:02:29,286 --> 00:02:30,954
right, Miss Maggotbone?

56
00:02:31,022 --> 00:02:32,789
That's correct,
Mr. Lilly.

57
00:02:32,857 --> 00:02:36,160
In fact, there was a time
when hell's primary function

58
00:02:36,195 --> 00:02:38,328
was the perpetuation
of the demonic race.

59
00:02:38,396 --> 00:02:40,830
How cool is that, gang?

60
00:02:41,999 --> 00:02:43,233
Ugh.

61
00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:44,768
Stupid metal head.

62
00:02:46,470 --> 00:02:48,238
Okay, and away we go.

63
00:02:48,305 --> 00:02:49,706
Oh, boy.

64
00:02:59,717 --> 00:03:01,151
We are standing on the floor

65
00:03:01,218 --> 00:03:02,585
of one of the only four

66
00:03:02,653 --> 00:03:05,188
still-active demonic
manufacturing plants

67
00:03:05,256 --> 00:03:08,191
in the continental
United States.

68
00:03:08,259 --> 00:03:10,693
As you can see,
very labor-intensive.

69
00:03:14,231 --> 00:03:15,532
Nice and evil.

70
00:03:15,599 --> 00:03:17,667
From here,
the newly minted demons

71
00:03:17,735 --> 00:03:20,303
go to the cooling vats,
right, Callie?

72
00:03:20,371 --> 00:03:22,172
That's correct, Mark.

73
00:03:22,239 --> 00:03:24,307
Then it's off
for a rigorous inspection

74
00:03:24,375 --> 00:03:26,309
by a master demon maker

75
00:03:26,377 --> 00:03:28,751
who will check
for lunacy, strength,

76
00:03:28,786 --> 00:03:31,448
and genitalia barbing.

77
00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:34,317
Teacher, when for
to get shopping again,

78
00:03:34,385 --> 00:03:35,485
in new hell?

79
00:03:35,553 --> 00:03:37,220
Once again, people,

80
00:03:37,288 --> 00:03:39,022
no more questions
about shopping

81
00:03:39,090 --> 00:03:41,124
until after the tour.

82
00:03:44,462 --> 00:03:48,079
And so after a long series
of bad investments,

83
00:03:48,114 --> 00:03:49,632
controlling shares of hell

84
00:03:49,700 --> 00:03:52,569
moved out of Satan's bloodline
entirely

85
00:03:52,636 --> 00:03:56,072
to its current CEO,
Yamaguchi Enterprises, LTD.

86
00:03:56,140 --> 00:03:57,907
Oh, the shopping mall magnate.

87
00:03:57,975 --> 00:03:59,375
Correct.

88
00:03:59,443 --> 00:04:00,910
Daddy says
if it weren't for them,

89
00:04:00,978 --> 00:04:03,313
"hell" would still be
a four-letter word.

90
00:04:03,380 --> 00:04:05,215
Oh, speak of the devil.

91
00:04:05,282 --> 00:04:08,518
Hope you're right
about 2012, Damek.

92
00:04:08,586 --> 00:04:10,753
We've got a lot
riding on this.

93
00:04:10,821 --> 00:04:13,490
Slam dunk, my friend.
No worries.

94
00:04:13,557 --> 00:04:17,127
Validate this man's parking,
would you, Cathy?

95
00:04:17,194 --> 00:04:18,828
Callie, sweetheart.

96
00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:21,898
Okay,
that concludes the tour.

97
00:04:21,966 --> 00:04:24,952
I think we all
learned something here today.

98
00:04:25,369 --> 00:04:27,691
Yes, you can all
go shopping now.

99
00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:28,438
Oh, thank God.

100
00:04:28,506 --> 00:04:32,575
- Daddy, you remember Mark.
- Of course.

101
00:04:32,643 --> 00:04:35,929
How could I forget
the plainest man in the world?

102
00:04:36,180 --> 00:04:37,875
I understand
you'll be joining us

103
00:04:37,910 --> 00:04:39,349
at the lake house
this weekend.

104
00:04:39,416 --> 00:04:40,284
Yes, sir.

105
00:04:40,343 --> 00:04:43,086
I am always interested
in learning new cultures.

106
00:04:43,154 --> 00:04:44,988
New cultures.
Right.

107
00:04:45,055 --> 00:04:47,824
I bet you give
one hell of a toast.

108
00:04:47,892 --> 00:04:49,859
Got to get a stick for him.

109
00:04:49,927 --> 00:04:52,962
Excuse me.
I'll be right back.

110
00:04:53,030 --> 00:04:56,533
What does he know about...
the games?

111
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,506
Virtually nothing, sir.

112
00:04:59,570 --> 00:05:01,571
Excellent.

113
00:05:05,573 --> 00:05:07,407
You don't know
the things people do

114
00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:09,587
when they think they're alone,

115
00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:11,855
wiping boogers
on my banisters...

116
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Right.

117
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Masturbating
in my showers...

118
00:05:14,530 --> 00:05:15,148
Not good.

119
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Peeing in my kitchen sink.

120
00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:18,168
Meep.

121
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:22,346
Looks like they installed
that skylight wrong too.

122
00:05:22,657 --> 00:05:24,459
Thank you for noticing.

123
00:05:24,494 --> 00:05:27,060
How would you like someone
cutting a hole in your head

124
00:05:27,128 --> 00:05:31,431
to "let a little more light in"?

125
00:05:31,499 --> 00:05:34,101
You're preaching
to the choir, sister.

126
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I still think twice

127
00:05:35,736 --> 00:05:37,771
before proclaiming the Earth
revolves around the Sun

128
00:05:37,839 --> 00:05:39,306
in a public square.

129
00:05:39,373 --> 00:05:42,075
It's nice to let this all out.

130
00:05:42,143 --> 00:05:44,011
Look, I don't know
how to say this

131
00:05:44,046 --> 00:05:45,479
without being insulting,

132
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:48,510
but no one wants to hear
what you have to say.

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They just want to live here.

134
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Oh, boy.

135
00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:54,754
Yow!

136
00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:55,956
Use a coaster,
God damn it!

137
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,791
That's teak.

138
00:05:57,859 --> 00:06:01,128
Oh, back to square one.

139
00:06:03,331 --> 00:06:04,931
What's your motivation?

140
00:06:04,999 --> 00:06:07,467
Tommy, how many times
we gonna go over this?

141
00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:10,021
You're an autistic
Burmese rice farmer

142
00:06:10,056 --> 00:06:10,937
who's managed to crack

143
00:06:11,005 --> 00:06:12,672
the Ukrainian
nuclear launch codes.

144
00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:13,673
Be a professional!

145
00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:16,910
Tom Sizemore.

146
00:06:16,978 --> 00:06:18,345
Unbelievable.

147
00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:21,014
Since when are you
making a movie, anyway?

148
00:06:21,082 --> 00:06:23,083
Since all the pieces
came together.

149
00:06:23,151 --> 00:06:25,185
I've got Houston Rockets Center
Yao Ming

150
00:06:25,253 --> 00:06:26,753
laying out half the cheddar.

151
00:06:26,821 --> 00:06:29,254
If I could just get
one more silent partner,

152
00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:31,625
I'm a stone lock
for a Palme d'Or.

153
00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:35,428
Mark, we met briefly.

154
00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:37,497
Such an absolute pleasure.

155
00:06:37,565 --> 00:06:39,332
Yeah.
Yes, of course.

156
00:06:41,246 --> 00:06:44,217
Oh, my goodness, Mark.
I am such a klutz.

157
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:47,759
Thortex, Bethla,
get this pinkie on ice at once.

158
00:06:47,794 --> 00:06:49,737
Oh, Mark,
it's just a pinkie.

159
00:06:50,344 --> 00:06:51,997
She is such a bitch.

160
00:06:52,180 --> 00:06:54,306
I'll be happy to see
the next one come along.

161
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:55,849
Oh, God.

162
00:06:55,917 --> 00:06:57,651
Dude, did you feel that?

163
00:06:57,718 --> 00:06:58,818
Of course I felt it.

164
00:06:58,886 --> 00:06:59,986
Ow.

165
00:07:00,054 --> 00:07:01,721
No, I mean Callie's stepmom

166
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:03,392
totally checking me out.

167
00:07:03,427 --> 00:07:05,131
She has no eyes.

168
00:07:05,166 --> 00:07:07,227
Is everything visual with you?

169
00:07:07,295 --> 00:07:09,585
So superficial.

170
00:07:11,132 --> 00:07:13,606
I can't tell you
what it means to me

171
00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:15,335
that you came out
for this weekend.

172
00:07:15,403 --> 00:07:16,570
My pleasure...

173
00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,872
except for
this horrible pain.

174
00:07:18,940 --> 00:07:20,707
I had to spend
my summers out here

175
00:07:20,775 --> 00:07:22,242
after they got divorced.

176
00:07:22,310 --> 00:07:24,144
Not the fondest of memories.

177
00:07:24,212 --> 00:07:26,546
Hi, Callie!

178
00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:29,740
Care for a fast game
before high tea?

179
00:07:29,775 --> 00:07:31,438
Not right now, thanks!

180
00:07:31,452 --> 00:07:33,820
I didn't realize you guys
grew up next to each other.

181
00:07:33,888 --> 00:07:34,988
Hey, Twayne!

182
00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:38,692
Why is he looking at me
like that?

183
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:39,926
Oh, don't mind him.

184
00:07:39,994 --> 00:07:41,828
He gets all evil
and competitive

185
00:07:42,052 --> 00:07:43,519
when he comes back home.

186
00:07:43,587 --> 00:07:44,715
Classic.

187
00:07:44,795 --> 00:07:46,756
We all revert
in our parents' house.

188
00:07:48,992 --> 00:07:51,427
That's real, real terrifying.

189
00:07:52,335 --> 00:07:53,929
Randall,
I am begging you.

190
00:07:53,997 --> 00:07:56,999
Please do not sleep
with Callie's stepmom.

191
00:07:57,067 --> 00:07:58,267
That reminds me.

192
00:07:58,335 --> 00:08:00,998
I should really
get started on dinner.

193
00:08:04,841 --> 00:08:06,530
Thanks
for making that awkward.

194
00:08:06,610 --> 00:08:08,344
How did you move
that fast?

195
00:08:08,412 --> 00:08:10,279
It's a blessing
and a curse, really.

196
00:08:10,347 --> 00:08:12,673
You know, plus I offered her
a part in my film.

197
00:08:13,016 --> 00:08:14,885
You're gonna get me killed
this weekend, you know that?

198
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:16,080
She'll play
the streetwise

199
00:08:16,180 --> 00:08:18,421
Puerto Rican
special needs teacher.

200
00:08:18,488 --> 00:08:22,525
If we had more money,
it would be Rosie Perez.

201
00:08:24,161 --> 00:08:25,461
Feed me!
Feed me!

202
00:08:25,529 --> 00:08:27,029
I would like
to wish you all

203
00:08:27,097 --> 00:08:29,465
a happy and evil Samhain.

204
00:08:29,533 --> 00:08:31,901
Good Samhain, Twayne.

205
00:08:31,968 --> 00:08:35,471
I would also like to apologize
for my mother's absence.

206
00:08:35,539 --> 00:08:37,239
She's not feeling well.

207
00:08:37,307 --> 00:08:39,775
Yeah, she's been suffering
from the same "illness"

208
00:08:39,843 --> 00:08:41,604
the past three years.

209
00:08:41,878 --> 00:08:44,380
I'll put these
in some goat's blood right away.

210
00:08:44,448 --> 00:08:46,020
I should be going.

211
00:08:46,055 --> 00:08:47,483
Tomorrow's a big day.

212
00:08:47,551 --> 00:08:48,751
Good Samhain, Twayne.

213
00:08:51,288 --> 00:08:53,756
What a yutz.
He's got nothing on you.

214
00:08:53,824 --> 00:08:55,591
With your wonderful teeth,

215
00:08:55,659 --> 00:08:58,127
you smile like
a cigar shop Indian.

216
00:08:58,195 --> 00:08:59,060
Thank you.

217
00:08:59,141 --> 00:09:01,063
You could show a movie
on those teeth.

218
00:09:01,131 --> 00:09:03,065
You know, when I first
arrived here for dinner,

219
00:09:03,133 --> 00:09:05,434
I must admit,
I was worried

220
00:09:05,502 --> 00:09:07,670
about being poisoned or...

221
00:09:07,737 --> 00:09:09,438
- Jesus Christ.
- Fattened for slaughter.

222
00:09:09,506 --> 00:09:11,974
You have all been very gracious,
put me at ease.

223
00:09:12,042 --> 00:09:13,242
Thank you.

224
00:09:13,310 --> 00:09:15,711
Tough act to follow, huh?

225
00:09:15,779 --> 00:09:17,646
Oh, he really sucks the air
out the room.

226
00:09:17,714 --> 00:09:20,816
Now, if you'll humor me
for just a moment,

227
00:09:20,884 --> 00:09:23,486
I'd like to introduce
my new wife, Sandy.

228
00:09:23,553 --> 00:09:24,954
Hi, Sandy.

229
00:09:25,021 --> 00:09:26,555
Hello, everyone.

230
00:09:26,623 --> 00:09:28,624
Is she the bomb or what?

231
00:09:28,692 --> 00:09:31,060
I don't quite understand.

232
00:09:31,127 --> 00:09:33,629
The new wife buries
the old one on Samhain

233
00:09:33,697 --> 00:09:34,964
at midnight.

234
00:09:35,031 --> 00:09:36,966
Let's get some pictures.

235
00:09:37,033 --> 00:09:38,768
How about one
of the whole clan?

236
00:09:38,803 --> 00:09:40,618
With Sandy
about to stab Brooke

237
00:09:40,653 --> 00:09:43,305
- with a carving knife.
- Great idea.

238
00:09:43,373 --> 00:09:44,673
Mark, you take it.

239
00:09:44,741 --> 00:09:47,217
Cheese!

240
00:09:47,252 --> 00:09:49,979
I'm not taking
this picture.

241
00:09:51,214 --> 00:09:53,115
Oh, for God's sake.

242
00:09:53,183 --> 00:09:55,518
You'll notice
the crown molding

243
00:09:55,585 --> 00:09:56,480
throughout the home.

244
00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:59,288
You won't find that
in newer construction.

245
00:09:59,356 --> 00:10:02,324
I looked over
their application.

246
00:10:02,392 --> 00:10:04,159
Not interested!

247
00:10:04,227 --> 00:10:05,861
We'll be in touch.

248
00:10:05,929 --> 00:10:08,122
Well, at least
take a magnet?

249
00:10:13,770 --> 00:10:15,471
That was a perfectly good
cold cut platter

250
00:10:15,539 --> 00:10:16,839
that you just wasted.

251
00:10:16,907 --> 00:10:18,874
What the hell
was that about?

252
00:10:18,942 --> 00:10:20,943
Get out!

253
00:10:21,011 --> 00:10:24,046
Get out?
We're back to "get out" again?

254
00:10:24,114 --> 00:10:26,515
I wish I was dead.

255
00:10:26,583 --> 00:10:29,451
Oh, sweetheart,
you are a train wreck,

256
00:10:29,519 --> 00:10:31,687
and I'm afraid
you've left me no option.

257
00:10:31,755 --> 00:10:34,557
It's time to go nuclear.

258
00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:41,063
Brooke?

259
00:10:41,573 --> 00:10:43,866
Well, aren't you a dear?

260
00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:46,502
Say, what was that being
dragged out the back door?

261
00:10:46,570 --> 00:10:48,304
Ah, ah, ah.

262
00:10:48,371 --> 00:10:51,807
You know what they say about
too many chefs in the kitchen.

263
00:10:51,875 --> 00:10:54,310
- Your life is in danger.
- Huh?

264
00:10:54,377 --> 00:10:55,844
Ah.

265
00:10:55,912 --> 00:10:56,879
Okay.

266
00:10:57,981 --> 00:10:59,815
Who wants apple pie?

267
00:11:00,536 --> 00:11:02,251
I think that's enough dirt,
honey.

268
00:11:02,319 --> 00:11:04,917
We got 15 till Craig Ferguson.
Shovel.

269
00:11:04,952 --> 00:11:06,388
You're not joining
the burial ceremony.

270
00:11:06,456 --> 00:11:07,990
What about you?

271
00:11:08,058 --> 00:11:09,858
Just screw them
and dump them in the grave?

272
00:11:09,926 --> 00:11:13,519
Hey, mister,
I just lost my third leg

273
00:11:13,554 --> 00:11:14,997
of financing tonight.

274
00:11:16,132 --> 00:11:17,397
What? You like Kimmel?

275
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,435
I got to talk Yao
off the ceiling.

276
00:11:19,502 --> 00:11:21,203
Why don't you try
to get some sleep?

277
00:11:21,271 --> 00:11:24,173
I just have
this creepy feeling

278
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:26,008
that if I nod off tonight,

279
00:11:26,076 --> 00:11:27,009
I may never wake up.

280
00:11:38,121 --> 00:11:40,456
Trying to do the right thing
in hell?

281
00:11:40,523 --> 00:11:41,957
I must be nuts.

282
00:11:42,025 --> 00:11:43,192
Wha...

283
00:11:44,761 --> 00:11:45,995
Huh.

284
00:11:47,797 --> 00:11:49,898
Hello?

285
00:11:49,966 --> 00:11:51,700
Anybody in here?

286
00:11:51,768 --> 00:11:52,701
Wha...

287
00:11:52,769 --> 00:11:54,642
whuh-ah?

288
00:12:09,169 --> 00:12:10,803
What the hell?

289
00:12:10,871 --> 00:12:13,341
Ooooh!

290
00:12:13,376 --> 00:12:15,763
Agh! Cut! Cut.

291
00:12:15,909 --> 00:12:17,225
Just remind me:

292
00:12:17,305 --> 00:12:21,414
Did I ask for dripping blood
and some hokey fake ghosts

293
00:12:21,482 --> 00:12:22,915
in the middle of my sex scene?

294
00:12:22,983 --> 00:12:24,284
I'm calling my agent.

295
00:12:24,351 --> 00:12:25,785
I thought
I'd try something.

296
00:12:25,853 --> 00:12:27,253
No ad-libbing!

297
00:12:27,321 --> 00:12:30,290
I'll ad-lib your face off,
you hack.

298
00:12:30,357 --> 00:12:32,792
Get a handle on your client,
Lenny.

299
00:12:32,860 --> 00:12:34,093
Clear the set.

300
00:12:34,161 --> 00:12:35,862
Darling,
you're killing me here.

301
00:12:35,929 --> 00:12:37,764
Production rental
for a cheap horror film

302
00:12:37,831 --> 00:12:39,565
is my last move.

303
00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:42,835
Will you please
just stick to the script?

304
00:12:42,903 --> 00:12:46,272
Aye, aye,
commandant.

305
00:12:48,676 --> 00:12:50,677
Would somebody
care to explain

306
00:12:50,744 --> 00:12:53,813
why I'm looking
at a clone of myself?

307
00:12:53,881 --> 00:12:55,281
Truth be told, Mark,

308
00:12:55,349 --> 00:12:57,350
I am as confused as you are.

309
00:12:57,418 --> 00:12:58,651
It's my fault.

310
00:12:58,719 --> 00:13:00,520
I'm responsible.

311
00:13:00,587 --> 00:13:03,723
I wanted to give him
a fighting chance, Daddy.

312
00:13:03,791 --> 00:13:06,025
Fighting chance at what?

313
00:13:06,093 --> 00:13:08,061
Never mind, Mark.

314
00:13:08,128 --> 00:13:09,091
You're our guest,

315
00:13:09,142 --> 00:13:11,964
and here we are,
cloning you without permission.

316
00:13:12,032 --> 00:13:14,133
It was rude.

317
00:13:17,404 --> 00:13:19,005
Bbetter?

318
00:13:19,073 --> 00:13:19,986
Uh-huh.

319
00:13:20,074 --> 00:13:21,407
Good.

320
00:13:21,475 --> 00:13:25,645
Now come with me
to the Lake of Fire.

321
00:13:28,949 --> 00:13:33,820
Stroke, stroke, stroke,

322
00:13:33,887 --> 00:13:35,521
stroke.

323
00:13:43,697 --> 00:13:44,928
Lava grub, Mark?

324
00:13:45,466 --> 00:13:46,466
Uh-uh.

325
00:13:46,533 --> 00:13:48,633
Your loss.

326
00:13:50,437 --> 00:13:51,804
Repeat.

327
00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:53,706
So you're telling me

328
00:13:53,774 --> 00:13:56,142
you had no idea
that you're being prepared

329
00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:57,543
for the Satanic high order.

330
00:13:57,611 --> 00:13:59,947
I was not aware, no.

331
00:13:59,982 --> 00:14:02,582
Well, I am super surprised
to hear that.

332
00:14:02,649 --> 00:14:03,983
You see, Mark,

333
00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:06,753
you're to fight Twayne
to the death

334
00:14:06,820 --> 00:14:07,769
tomorrow afternoon.

335
00:14:07,829 --> 00:14:10,022
I can't fight Twayne.
I'll get killed.

336
00:14:10,090 --> 00:14:12,493
Well, that's why Callie
was growing the gladiator clone,

337
00:14:12,528 --> 00:14:14,594
before you threw it
back in her face.

338
00:14:14,662 --> 00:14:18,264
I'm sorry, but the answer
is a respectful no.

339
00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:22,935
But the blood courts
have already been reserved.

340
00:14:23,003 --> 00:14:24,371
Plus if you back out,

341
00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:26,572
my entire bloodline
will be eliminated.

342
00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:27,740
Oh, man.

343
00:14:27,808 --> 00:14:30,343
I know!
Oh, man.

344
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:37,483
Who is it? I'm a good person!

345
00:14:37,551 --> 00:14:39,752
It's Mark Lilly from work.

346
00:14:39,820 --> 00:14:41,854
My mother would have a fit
if she knew

347
00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:43,289
I was out here barefoot.

348
00:14:45,059 --> 00:14:47,293
Never mind, Mommy.
Go back to sleep.

349
00:14:47,361 --> 00:14:49,362
It's just my friend Mark
from work.

350
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,464
What are you doing here?

351
00:14:51,532 --> 00:14:54,200
Kind of a funny story,
really.

352
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:56,602
Apparently, Callie's dad
pitted the two of us

353
00:14:56,670 --> 00:14:59,372
in a fight to the death
for Callie's affections.

354
00:15:01,342 --> 00:15:03,843
I take it from the death gaze,
you already knew this

355
00:15:03,911 --> 00:15:05,378
and would like to win.

356
00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:08,313
Oh, very much.

357
00:15:08,382 --> 00:15:09,982
- So huddle up.
- Okay.

358
00:15:10,050 --> 00:15:11,284
Here's the plan.

359
00:15:14,355 --> 00:15:17,156
I must say,
you smell really nice today.

360
00:15:17,224 --> 00:15:19,359
Just had my carpets steamed.

361
00:15:19,426 --> 00:15:23,105
Listen, Lenny,
we need to talk.

362
00:15:23,140 --> 00:15:24,063
Oh, Jesus.

363
00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:25,798
Those words
are never good.

364
00:15:26,031 --> 00:15:29,235
I've found myself
another agent.

365
00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:32,739
I knew there was a reason
you hadn't signed the contract.

366
00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:33,985
He's going to hook me

367
00:15:34,045 --> 00:15:36,676
into the murder mystery
dinner theater circuit.

368
00:15:36,710 --> 00:15:39,011
Surprisingly lucrative field.

369
00:15:39,079 --> 00:15:43,082
But I could have done that
if I knew it's what you wanted.

370
00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:45,184
Please,
don't make this worse.

371
00:15:45,252 --> 00:15:46,753
I think you best clear out.

372
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:49,021
Go. Go. Go. Go.
Go, helmet man.

373
00:15:49,089 --> 00:15:50,890
Catch it.
Catch the pickle.

374
00:15:50,958 --> 00:15:53,259
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Yeah!

375
00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:54,761
I like soccer!

376
00:15:54,828 --> 00:15:56,120
Oh, my God.

377
00:15:56,663 --> 00:15:58,898
Who shoved my clone
into the garbage can?

378
00:15:58,966 --> 00:16:00,767
Now it's <i>his</i> clone.

379
00:16:01,843 --> 00:16:04,704
Can someone at least
hold the can down?

380
00:16:04,772 --> 00:16:06,172
Everything squared
with Twayne?

381
00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:07,540
It's in the bag.

382
00:16:07,608 --> 00:16:10,042
Really poor choice
of words.

383
00:16:12,146 --> 00:16:15,548
I challenge you,
Mark Lilly,

384
00:16:15,616 --> 00:16:19,152
in a battle to the death
in blood court number eight.

385
00:16:19,219 --> 00:16:22,822
And I accept
your challenge, sir.

386
00:16:24,491 --> 00:16:26,325
Well, look
who grew some balls

387
00:16:26,393 --> 00:16:28,828
to go with those straight,
beautiful teeth of his.

388
00:16:28,896 --> 00:16:32,665
Hmm?
Really, really clean.

389
00:16:32,733 --> 00:16:35,568
And clash and stab up...
and die.

390
00:16:35,636 --> 00:16:37,437
Okay, when I fake my death...
yeah?

391
00:16:37,504 --> 00:16:38,906
I'm gonna stick my tongue out

392
00:16:38,941 --> 00:16:40,773
and give them
my dead-eyed stare.

393
00:16:40,841 --> 00:16:42,008
Like this.

394
00:16:42,075 --> 00:16:43,342
Then you come over

395
00:16:43,410 --> 00:16:45,438
and dramatically close
my eyelids.

396
00:16:45,473 --> 00:16:46,446
Check.

397
00:16:46,513 --> 00:16:47,939
And then I put my foot
on your chest

398
00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:49,549
and scream like this.

399
00:16:53,020 --> 00:16:55,054
Hmm, if you must.

400
00:16:55,122 --> 00:16:56,722
Anybody seen my cozy?

401
00:17:00,427 --> 00:17:01,961
Gross.

402
00:17:02,029 --> 00:17:05,364
Is it so hard for people
to clean up after themselves?

403
00:17:05,432 --> 00:17:07,492
It's the fourth death match
of the day.

404
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:08,568
Sundays are...

405
00:17:08,635 --> 00:17:10,102
Sundays are brutal.

406
00:17:10,170 --> 00:17:12,438
Okay, this thing's
gonna be over quick,

407
00:17:12,506 --> 00:17:14,073
so I'm gonna need
all your PIN numbers

408
00:17:14,141 --> 00:17:15,074
for after he kills you.

409
00:17:15,142 --> 00:17:16,876
Look, I know my fighter.

410
00:17:16,944 --> 00:17:19,045
You'll want to know
I'm taken care of.

411
00:17:19,112 --> 00:17:21,147
Plus my film is dead,
and I'm 40 grand in the hole.

412
00:17:21,215 --> 00:17:23,783
Now, go get him!

413
00:17:27,521 --> 00:17:28,955
I've thought it over,

414
00:17:29,022 --> 00:17:31,290
and I decided
to kill you after all.

415
00:17:31,358 --> 00:17:32,725
No hard feelings, 'kay?

416
00:17:32,793 --> 00:17:33,726
Wait, what?

417
00:17:34,795 --> 00:17:36,095
Agh!

418
00:17:40,467 --> 00:17:41,934
Boring.

419
00:17:43,637 --> 00:17:45,304
Oof, good thing
I made a side bet.

420
00:17:45,372 --> 00:17:46,991
Thank you, thank you.

421
00:17:47,026 --> 00:17:48,342
I love you too.

422
00:17:48,377 --> 00:17:50,382
I thought
you were going to fake it.

423
00:17:50,417 --> 00:17:54,405
Look, there's only so much
I can control

424
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:56,382
when it comes to slaughter.

425
00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:57,984
You want some?

426
00:17:58,051 --> 00:17:59,418
He's really good.

427
00:17:59,486 --> 00:18:01,120
I'm not hungry!

428
00:18:03,427 --> 00:18:06,096
Mark...

429
00:18:07,231 --> 00:18:08,444
How can you eat that now?

430
00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:10,464
We all mourn
in our own way.

431
00:18:12,036 --> 00:18:15,372
Looks like there's no escaping
my destiny with Twayne.

432
00:18:15,439 --> 00:18:18,341
Well, I mean, I get why you'd
be grossed out by the dude,

433
00:18:18,409 --> 00:18:20,910
but all in all, life in hell
looks kind of sweet,

434
00:18:20,978 --> 00:18:22,345
especially with your setup.

435
00:18:22,809 --> 00:18:26,096
He's staring at me again.

436
00:18:26,517 --> 00:18:28,952
Huh?
Anything else I can do?

437
00:18:29,019 --> 00:18:30,487
Oh.

438
00:18:32,790 --> 00:18:36,218
It is with a heavy heart
that I report the following.

439
00:18:37,343 --> 00:18:39,629
Leonard will be in charge
of Social Services.

440
00:18:39,697 --> 00:18:43,099
Oh, none of this
makes any sense!

441
00:18:43,167 --> 00:18:46,469
Um, I'm just trying
to get my week scheduled.

442
00:18:46,537 --> 00:18:49,273
Um, when are we gonna have
the intercourse?

443
00:18:49,308 --> 00:18:51,041
Morning, everyone.

444
00:18:51,108 --> 00:18:52,108
Mark?

445
00:18:52,176 --> 00:18:53,799
In the flesh.

446
00:18:54,212 --> 00:18:55,812
Aha...

447
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:57,614
But I ripped your head off

448
00:18:57,682 --> 00:18:59,546
and fed your liver
to the crows.

449
00:18:59,550 --> 00:19:01,254
Or did you?

450
00:19:01,452 --> 00:19:04,221
You see, right after
they buried Brooke,

451
00:19:04,288 --> 00:19:06,457
I found a recipe
for cloning me.

452
00:19:08,693 --> 00:19:11,178
I raised that clone
to full term,

453
00:19:11,362 --> 00:19:14,211
teaching him everything I knew
about death matches

454
00:19:14,212 --> 00:19:16,609
and about life.

455
00:19:17,134 --> 00:19:21,605
I must say, the "Wait, What?"
issue was a trying period

456
00:19:21,672 --> 00:19:24,342
in our brief but important
relationship together.

457
00:19:27,324 --> 00:19:28,880
Come on, Mark.

458
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,125
We're going to miss
the death match.

459
00:19:30,195 --> 00:19:30,685
What's taking so long?

460
00:19:30,774 --> 00:19:32,415
What, is he
rubbing one out in there?

461
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:33,784
Look at my mouth.

462
00:19:33,875 --> 00:19:35,790
We have one minute
to get this right.

463
00:19:46,864 --> 00:19:48,765
I'm a dead man.

464
00:19:48,833 --> 00:19:51,534
Watching clone Mark
have his head ripped off

465
00:19:51,602 --> 00:19:56,773
was one of the saddest
yet proudest days of my life.

466
00:19:56,841 --> 00:19:58,441
No hard feelings, 'kay?

467
00:19:58,509 --> 00:19:59,476
Wait, what?

468
00:19:59,543 --> 00:20:00,677
He got it!

469
00:20:00,745 --> 00:20:02,712
Agh!

470
00:20:05,249 --> 00:20:08,045
The only obstacle remaining
was retrieving my bloody clothes

471
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:09,399
and making it through customs,

472
00:20:09,478 --> 00:20:12,329
which, believe me,
was no walk in the park.

473
00:20:12,690 --> 00:20:15,671
Excellent surviving skills.

474
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,504
Very crafty.

475
00:20:17,895 --> 00:20:22,041
Next time, check in before
reserving the blood court, okay?

476
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:25,383
All of us answer
to different authorities...

477
00:20:25,703 --> 00:20:26,174
Hmm.

478
00:20:26,735 --> 00:20:28,331
Some to our mates...

479
00:20:30,107 --> 00:20:32,492
One more year
of this crap.

480
00:20:32,710 --> 00:20:35,077
And some to our parents.

481
00:20:35,279 --> 00:20:37,414
You should really keep it
to a canter, Mommy.

482
00:20:40,117 --> 00:20:42,519
But no matter
who we are trying to please,

483
00:20:42,586 --> 00:20:46,019
we rarely wind up far away
from where we started.

484
00:20:46,123 --> 00:20:48,258
I can't believe you didn't
let me in on the plan.

485
00:20:48,326 --> 00:20:50,026
Eh, you would have
sold me out.

486
00:20:50,094 --> 00:20:51,276
Ah, probably right.

487
00:20:51,462 --> 00:20:53,363
Happy Halloween, everyone.

488
00:20:53,431 --> 00:20:55,944
I think you mean Samhain,
there, David.

489
00:20:56,067 --> 00:20:58,484
# Ba-ba-ba-ba, brains #

490
00:20:58,723 --> 00:21:01,968
Final Sync and Edits: VeRdiKT
[Subscene.com / Addic7ed.com]