1 00:00:05,315 --> 00:00:09,937 Education is although finding teachable moments. 2 00:00:12,809 --> 00:00:15,496 We're here for the boy. 3 00:00:15,555 --> 00:00:16,754 And an egg roll. 4 00:00:20,691 --> 00:00:26,025 Those rare lessons that leave an indelible imprint on the student. 5 00:00:34,177 --> 00:00:35,373 Then again, 6 00:00:35,375 --> 00:00:37,540 a lot depends on the teacher too. 7 00:00:37,542 --> 00:00:40,070 Please don't kill me! 8 00:00:40,072 --> 00:00:42,136 Stop squealing, son. You're safe. 9 00:00:42,138 --> 00:00:44,579 Who are you? Where are you taking me? 10 00:00:44,581 --> 00:00:46,213 You're a wizard, 11 00:00:46,215 --> 00:00:48,785 and I'm taking you to your initiation ceremony. 12 00:00:50,855 --> 00:00:52,489 Ugh. 13 00:00:52,491 --> 00:00:54,996 Man, I am not good with children. 14 00:00:54,998 --> 00:00:58,098 Sync by mczolly www.addic7ed.com 15 00:00:58,100 --> 00:00:59,334 Magical. 16 00:01:04,471 --> 00:01:06,237 The summer solstice approaches, 17 00:01:06,239 --> 00:01:08,770 and the time for our attack has come. 18 00:01:08,772 --> 00:01:10,371 Our mortal enemies, the wizards, 19 00:01:10,373 --> 00:01:12,405 have once again gathered at mount magic. 20 00:01:12,407 --> 00:01:14,039 Ow! 21 00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:16,440 The fortress has an impenetrable force field... 22 00:01:16,442 --> 00:01:18,107 and a secret entrance. 23 00:01:18,109 --> 00:01:21,575 It was designed by A.D.T. It's really solid work. 24 00:01:21,577 --> 00:01:25,744 Our goal is to find a way in and slaughter everyone inside. 25 00:01:25,746 --> 00:01:27,112 Questions? 26 00:01:27,114 --> 00:01:28,747 Why are we doing this again? 27 00:01:28,749 --> 00:01:30,582 The wizards are a force for good... 28 00:01:30,584 --> 00:01:33,317 that could really put a damper on our whole armageddon thing. 29 00:01:33,319 --> 00:01:35,986 Look, do you want to be queen of the damned or not? 30 00:01:35,988 --> 00:01:37,255 Seriously. 31 00:01:37,257 --> 00:01:38,657 I guess. 32 00:01:38,659 --> 00:01:40,591 Bring me proposals, people, 33 00:01:40,593 --> 00:01:44,328 and remember, there are no bad ideas in a brainstorm, 34 00:01:44,330 --> 00:01:47,196 but horrible ideas will result in castration. 35 00:01:47,198 --> 00:01:50,466 Your balls are welcome. 36 00:01:50,468 --> 00:01:52,735 Leonard, you forgot to sign the census report. 37 00:01:52,737 --> 00:01:54,403 It's due first thing Monday. 38 00:01:54,405 --> 00:01:56,372 My name isn't Leonard. 39 00:01:56,374 --> 00:01:59,674 It's melchior, Leonard's hologram. 40 00:01:59,676 --> 00:02:01,141 I can never tell with you two. 41 00:02:01,143 --> 00:02:03,010 What, did he go to the bathroom or something? 42 00:02:03,012 --> 00:02:04,845 No, he's been gone for two weeks. 43 00:02:04,847 --> 00:02:07,181 And this is the first you've noticed. 44 00:02:07,183 --> 00:02:09,815 - Where is he? - Important wizard business. 45 00:02:09,817 --> 00:02:11,984 I'm afraid I've been sworn to secrecy. 46 00:02:11,986 --> 00:02:13,818 All right, all right, yeah, don't say anything... 47 00:02:13,820 --> 00:02:15,319 that's going to get you into trouble. 48 00:02:15,321 --> 00:02:16,621 He's at mount magic... 49 00:02:16,623 --> 00:02:18,322 for the new wizard initiation ceremony. 50 00:02:18,324 --> 00:02:20,656 Just don't tell anybody else, m'kay? 51 00:02:20,658 --> 00:02:22,057 Hmm. 52 00:02:23,859 --> 00:02:25,858 We begin with the ancient ceremony... 53 00:02:25,860 --> 00:02:28,192 of roll call. 54 00:02:28,194 --> 00:02:29,459 Wizard of the air? 55 00:02:29,461 --> 00:02:30,694 Right here. 56 00:02:30,696 --> 00:02:32,862 Wizard of social services? 57 00:02:32,864 --> 00:02:34,529 In the house. 58 00:02:34,531 --> 00:02:37,129 Wizard of copyright infringement? 59 00:02:37,131 --> 00:02:41,365 You...Shall...Not...Sue! 60 00:02:41,367 --> 00:02:44,200 And the rest? 61 00:02:44,202 --> 00:02:48,035 Apprentices, the summer solstice draws nigh. 62 00:02:48,037 --> 00:02:49,803 Soon, 50 years of training... 63 00:02:49,805 --> 00:02:52,372 with your beloved mentors will be complete, 64 00:02:52,374 --> 00:02:55,073 and you shall part ways forever. 65 00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:56,541 Gather yourselves. 66 00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:59,943 This must be emotional for all of you. 67 00:02:59,945 --> 00:03:02,712 Well, I suppose we should hug or something, huh? 68 00:03:02,714 --> 00:03:05,679 I'm still trying to figure out what's going on here. 69 00:03:05,681 --> 00:03:08,081 Are you...My dad? 70 00:03:08,083 --> 00:03:10,383 Let's step outside for a minute. 71 00:03:10,385 --> 00:03:13,717 I think it's time for... "The talk." 72 00:03:13,719 --> 00:03:17,018 So you see, Lionel, before a wizard can retire, 73 00:03:17,020 --> 00:03:18,886 he must create an apprentice... 74 00:03:18,888 --> 00:03:22,954 and train him for decades in the magical arts. 75 00:03:22,956 --> 00:03:25,588 You created me? How? 76 00:03:25,590 --> 00:03:27,556 By laying an egg. 77 00:03:27,558 --> 00:03:30,891 I remember it like it was yesterday. 78 00:03:37,796 --> 00:03:39,430 - Okay, here we go. - Oh, my taint! 79 00:03:39,432 --> 00:03:42,965 Push, Leonard, push! 80 00:03:42,967 --> 00:03:45,700 The urethra was not meant for this! 81 00:03:47,002 --> 00:03:48,735 Oh, oh, my balls... 82 00:03:48,737 --> 00:03:50,135 Mm, that's smooth. 83 00:03:50,137 --> 00:03:51,403 I can't do this. I can't do it. 84 00:03:51,405 --> 00:03:53,870 I'm not ready. Sorry, egg. 85 00:03:53,872 --> 00:03:57,240 I'm in my early 500s. I'm far too young for this. 86 00:03:57,242 --> 00:03:58,674 Meep! 87 00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:03,709 Long story short, that's why you were raised... 88 00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:05,243 by Chinese immigrants... 89 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,077 and why you're 50 years old. 90 00:04:07,079 --> 00:04:09,378 You abandoned me? I hate you! 91 00:04:09,380 --> 00:04:10,912 I'm sorry. That was rude. 92 00:04:10,914 --> 00:04:13,114 I... I didn't mean to lose my temper. 93 00:04:13,116 --> 00:04:15,148 No, it was totally expected, 94 00:04:15,150 --> 00:04:17,315 especially since we just have one day left... 95 00:04:17,317 --> 00:04:19,749 to cram in five decades of training. 96 00:04:19,751 --> 00:04:22,084 I wish I never came out of your pee hole. 97 00:04:22,086 --> 00:04:25,252 Jesus, what a whiner. 98 00:04:26,521 --> 00:04:28,755 I found a map of mount magic in archives. 99 00:04:28,757 --> 00:04:31,389 Turns out it's across the lake from an abandoned mining camp. 100 00:04:31,391 --> 00:04:33,024 I love camp. 101 00:04:33,026 --> 00:04:34,892 Not that kind of camp, Twayne. 102 00:04:34,894 --> 00:04:36,825 Now, Leonard trusts Mark. 103 00:04:36,827 --> 00:04:38,693 There must be some way we can use him... 104 00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,095 to get inside the fortress. 105 00:04:40,097 --> 00:04:42,096 You wanted to see me, Twayne? 106 00:04:42,098 --> 00:04:44,329 Watch and learn. 107 00:04:44,331 --> 00:04:47,331 Mark, we need you to come with us to mount magic... 108 00:04:47,333 --> 00:04:49,098 to get Leonard's signature. 109 00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:50,999 Wait, how did you know... 110 00:04:51,001 --> 00:04:53,432 that Leonard forgot to sign his census report? 111 00:04:53,434 --> 00:04:55,199 Or that he's at mount magic? 112 00:04:55,201 --> 00:04:56,933 - You told me. - I did? 113 00:04:56,935 --> 00:04:58,733 Yep. We leave after work. 114 00:04:58,735 --> 00:05:00,367 Wait, if you're already going up there, 115 00:05:00,369 --> 00:05:01,702 why do I have to come with you? 116 00:05:01,704 --> 00:05:04,136 Because, uh... Mm-mm-mm. 117 00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:06,705 Becau... um... 118 00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:10,073 Because we have a summer camp there... 119 00:05:10,075 --> 00:05:13,442 and...We want you to be... The head counselor? 120 00:05:13,444 --> 00:05:14,675 Ugh. 121 00:05:14,677 --> 00:05:17,778 Whoa! I love camp. 122 00:05:17,780 --> 00:05:20,279 Counseling at Scattica was my first summer job. 123 00:05:20,281 --> 00:05:22,414 See? I knew you'd be perfect. 124 00:05:22,416 --> 00:05:23,948 Did I get fired for being too intense? 125 00:05:23,950 --> 00:05:25,448 Yeah. Okay? 126 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,049 Was it still the best summer of my life? 127 00:05:27,051 --> 00:05:28,517 Without a doubt. 128 00:05:28,519 --> 00:05:30,750 Do I keep in touch with everyone I met there... 129 00:05:30,752 --> 00:05:32,085 whether they like it or not? 130 00:05:32,087 --> 00:05:33,418 Definitely. 131 00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:35,052 Camp is for life. 132 00:05:35,054 --> 00:05:36,952 Sounds great, Mark. See ya there. 133 00:05:36,954 --> 00:05:38,319 Oh, yeah. 134 00:05:38,321 --> 00:05:39,786 So let me get this straight. 135 00:05:39,788 --> 00:05:41,553 In order for Mark to lead us to Leonard, 136 00:05:41,555 --> 00:05:44,088 we have to build an entire summer camp? 137 00:05:44,090 --> 00:05:47,156 We can do that in six hours, right? 138 00:05:50,194 --> 00:05:52,029 You know, I just wanted to borrow your van. 139 00:05:52,031 --> 00:05:53,564 You didn't have to drive. 140 00:05:53,566 --> 00:05:56,268 Look, if '80s cinema has taught me anything, 141 00:05:56,270 --> 00:05:57,837 it's that summer camp counselors... 142 00:05:57,839 --> 00:06:00,274 are all horny teen girls that are up for anything. 143 00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:01,844 Present company excluded. 144 00:06:01,846 --> 00:06:03,747 Hey, how are you guys doing back there? 145 00:06:03,749 --> 00:06:06,250 It's fine, teacher. We watch DVD. 146 00:06:06,252 --> 00:06:08,220 - It's Dirty Dancing. - Again? 147 00:06:08,222 --> 00:06:11,091 I wish I could experience love like that. 148 00:06:12,328 --> 00:06:14,196 Doug, no! 149 00:06:14,198 --> 00:06:17,300 Oof, that is traumatizing for him. 150 00:06:17,302 --> 00:06:18,769 Why am I here again? 151 00:06:18,771 --> 00:06:20,538 I told you, grimes, if I leave the city... 152 00:06:20,540 --> 00:06:23,641 with more than 3 students, I need a second chaperone. 153 00:06:23,643 --> 00:06:26,411 And the koala counts as a person? 154 00:06:26,413 --> 00:06:28,247 Oh, great. 155 00:06:28,249 --> 00:06:29,850 Here come the waterworks again. 156 00:06:29,852 --> 00:06:31,452 You pussy. 157 00:06:32,288 --> 00:06:33,554 Ah! 158 00:06:33,556 --> 00:06:36,624 - Wah! - Ah! 159 00:06:36,626 --> 00:06:38,828 Well, there goes Androx. 160 00:06:38,830 --> 00:06:40,798 We're gonna miss him in accounts payable. 161 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,034 I remember his first signing bonus. 162 00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:45,238 How is he going to get lilly... 163 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:47,808 to expose the secret entrance again? 164 00:06:47,810 --> 00:06:49,578 Leonard has to sign his census report, 165 00:06:49,580 --> 00:06:50,947 or he can't retire. 166 00:06:50,949 --> 00:06:53,050 That should be enough bait to lure him out. 167 00:06:53,052 --> 00:06:55,186 I'm telling you, sir, it's a sure thing. 168 00:06:55,188 --> 00:07:00,862 But if we're going to do this, we need to do it all the way. 169 00:07:00,864 --> 00:07:03,332 Showtime. 170 00:07:04,667 --> 00:07:06,402 Once your foreskin is removed, 171 00:07:06,404 --> 00:07:07,836 your power's released. 172 00:07:07,838 --> 00:07:11,408 And you will finally be a full-fledged wizard. 173 00:07:11,410 --> 00:07:13,077 Uh, hold on. 174 00:07:13,079 --> 00:07:14,678 You're going to snip my John Thomas? 175 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:16,047 Duh. 176 00:07:16,049 --> 00:07:18,584 How did you expect to become a wizard? 177 00:07:18,586 --> 00:07:20,587 There's a piece of me that's having some real doubts... 178 00:07:20,589 --> 00:07:22,390 about this whole ceremony. 179 00:07:22,392 --> 00:07:23,625 I can't blame you. 180 00:07:23,627 --> 00:07:25,628 But if you try to escape the premises, 181 00:07:25,630 --> 00:07:27,231 you'll be shot on sight. 182 00:07:28,568 --> 00:07:30,436 See you at the horseshoe pit. 183 00:07:30,438 --> 00:07:32,440 Ahhhh, bonding. 184 00:07:34,444 --> 00:07:36,647 This is the worst summer camp I've ever seen. 185 00:07:36,649 --> 00:07:38,349 '80s cinema lied to me, Mark. 186 00:07:38,351 --> 00:07:41,687 This is no taco party. It's a sausage party. 187 00:07:41,689 --> 00:07:43,957 Speaking of wieners, I'm starving. 188 00:07:43,959 --> 00:07:45,358 If we're going to survive up here, 189 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:46,760 we're going to need some food. 190 00:07:46,762 --> 00:07:49,397 You're with me, maggot flesh. 191 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,034 Huh? 192 00:07:53,036 --> 00:07:54,636 What the hell? Where's all the food? 193 00:07:54,638 --> 00:07:56,072 This sausage party sucks. 194 00:07:56,074 --> 00:07:57,973 You don't even have sausage here. 195 00:07:57,975 --> 00:08:01,012 You're mixing up your use of "sausage party," Randall. 196 00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:02,881 Vermin? Ew! 197 00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:05,117 This entire place is contaminated! 198 00:08:07,021 --> 00:08:09,323 It's every man for himself. 199 00:08:12,497 --> 00:08:14,230 I'll live off the land. 200 00:08:14,232 --> 00:08:16,000 I'll become one with gaia, 201 00:08:16,002 --> 00:08:18,103 the earth goddess mother! 202 00:08:18,105 --> 00:08:20,907 Drama queen. 203 00:08:20,909 --> 00:08:23,311 Silvermine? 204 00:08:23,313 --> 00:08:27,918 Well, no food, no girls, but Randall hits pay dust. 205 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,722 Kids are arriving tomorrow at 9:00 A.M. sharp. 206 00:08:30,724 --> 00:08:34,328 If you let them down, you are letting yourself down. 207 00:08:34,330 --> 00:08:36,866 So am I gonna ride you? Yeah. 208 00:08:36,868 --> 00:08:39,602 I am going to ride you...Hard. 209 00:08:39,604 --> 00:08:41,539 And you're going to thank me for it later. 210 00:08:41,541 --> 00:08:43,775 Speaking of census reports, 211 00:08:43,777 --> 00:08:46,311 aren't you supposed to visit your wizard friend? 212 00:08:46,313 --> 00:08:47,612 Right, Twayne? 213 00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:48,981 What's that? 214 00:08:48,983 --> 00:08:51,184 You want to help me with my totem pole? 215 00:08:51,186 --> 00:08:54,355 Aldramak, Twayne invited you to join his project. 216 00:08:54,357 --> 00:08:55,824 How about we get in the spirit? 217 00:08:55,826 --> 00:08:58,394 Twayne, that is really good, by the way. 218 00:08:58,396 --> 00:09:00,095 You have a gift. 219 00:09:00,097 --> 00:09:01,498 Gold star. 220 00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:03,934 Twayne, you are without a doubt... 221 00:09:03,936 --> 00:09:06,504 the least giving improv partner I've ever had. 222 00:09:06,506 --> 00:09:08,774 May I remind you we're here to kill wizards, 223 00:09:08,776 --> 00:09:11,078 not make fruity arts and crafts? 224 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:14,249 Oh, right, the plan. Got it. 225 00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:22,028 Nice! 226 00:09:23,232 --> 00:09:24,966 - Mm-hmm. - Oh! 227 00:09:29,207 --> 00:09:30,575 Damn old fools. 228 00:09:30,577 --> 00:09:33,045 Who needs to do anything more stupid... 229 00:09:33,047 --> 00:09:34,815 Wow! 230 00:09:34,817 --> 00:09:36,651 Broomsticks! 231 00:09:36,653 --> 00:09:39,121 Everyone else is having fun! 232 00:09:39,123 --> 00:09:40,958 When do we get to do the fun stuff? 233 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,059 This is the fun stuff, buddy. 234 00:09:43,061 --> 00:09:45,295 I mean, we could collate K-12 forms, 235 00:09:45,297 --> 00:09:47,465 but let's save some for dessert. 236 00:09:47,467 --> 00:09:49,001 Am I right? 237 00:09:50,336 --> 00:09:53,207 I have to say, I'm a little disappointed. 238 00:09:53,209 --> 00:09:55,410 This is not at all what we discussed. 239 00:09:55,412 --> 00:09:58,781 The props go here. The soft light goes here. 240 00:09:58,783 --> 00:10:02,687 And why is there a thin layer of silver dust on everything? 241 00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:04,288 Our apologies, Mark. 242 00:10:04,290 --> 00:10:06,559 It will be tip-top by tomorrow night. 243 00:10:06,561 --> 00:10:08,395 Apologies won't make this... 244 00:10:08,397 --> 00:10:11,165 the best dang talent show in summer camp history. 245 00:10:11,167 --> 00:10:14,103 I mean, I can't put my name on this! 246 00:10:14,105 --> 00:10:16,707 Mark means business. We better pick up the pace. 247 00:10:16,709 --> 00:10:19,579 Don't mop that if you're not going to sweep it first. 248 00:10:19,581 --> 00:10:21,983 Twayne, we're here to follow Mark into mount magic, 249 00:10:21,985 --> 00:10:23,651 not reenact meatballs. 250 00:10:23,653 --> 00:10:24,954 Can you do me a solid... 251 00:10:24,956 --> 00:10:27,024 and pull your head out of your ass? 252 00:10:27,026 --> 00:10:28,726 I don't have to take this abuse. 253 00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:30,896 I'm a bone raper, sir. 254 00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:33,668 I bid you good day. 255 00:10:38,477 --> 00:10:40,912 ♪ Come on aboard the ship, yep, yep ♪... 256 00:10:40,914 --> 00:10:42,214 ♪ of camp friendship ♪... 257 00:10:42,216 --> 00:10:44,551 All right. Hey, welcome, everybody! 258 00:10:44,553 --> 00:10:46,687 We have lots of great stuff planned for the weekend, 259 00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:48,690 including tomorrow's big talent show. 260 00:10:48,692 --> 00:10:49,891 Who's excited? 261 00:10:49,893 --> 00:10:51,694 - Why are we here again? - Shh! 262 00:10:51,696 --> 00:10:52,963 Fantastic. 263 00:10:52,965 --> 00:10:54,398 Now I'd like to introduce you... 264 00:10:56,336 --> 00:10:58,471 Toby, Doug, 265 00:10:58,473 --> 00:11:00,173 Eric, Randall, 266 00:11:00,175 --> 00:11:02,376 Croatian man, and... 267 00:11:04,281 --> 00:11:06,616 Callie. 268 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:10,855 Okay, now I'm excited. 269 00:11:10,857 --> 00:11:14,227 Um, where are you going dressed like that? 270 00:11:14,229 --> 00:11:15,595 Out. 271 00:11:15,597 --> 00:11:16,898 I need to have a chat with her... 272 00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:18,499 about her authority issues. 273 00:11:18,501 --> 00:11:20,936 She clearly did not read my dress code leaflet. 274 00:11:20,938 --> 00:11:22,906 You're in charge till I'm back. 275 00:11:22,908 --> 00:11:24,376 All right, team, 276 00:11:24,378 --> 00:11:26,612 we can either make lanyard bracelets, 277 00:11:26,614 --> 00:11:29,015 or we could mine for silver. 278 00:11:29,017 --> 00:11:30,817 You know what? We're gonna mine for silver. 279 00:11:33,055 --> 00:11:34,755 ♪ Cleaning up the undercarriage ♪... 280 00:11:36,626 --> 00:11:38,394 ♪ Don't have any soap ♪... 281 00:11:40,331 --> 00:11:41,765 ♪ I'll just use a pinecone ♪... 282 00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:44,302 Wha? 283 00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:48,743 Careful, Francis. No sudden moves. 284 00:11:54,487 --> 00:11:58,559 Look, lady, before we go on, we agree this is casual, right? 285 00:11:58,561 --> 00:12:00,528 Team hiffle piffle has possession of the queef. 286 00:12:00,530 --> 00:12:02,098 A hail on the block, 287 00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:04,133 and it's Nigel dodgel before the snoot! 288 00:12:04,135 --> 00:12:05,836 Yeah! 289 00:12:05,838 --> 00:12:07,973 I can't believe that after 500 years... 290 00:12:07,975 --> 00:12:09,309 of protecting the seas, 291 00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:10,977 it's time to move on. 292 00:12:10,979 --> 00:12:14,249 And what will the retired Leonard powers be doing? 293 00:12:14,251 --> 00:12:18,254 Three words, gentlemen: El pollo loco. 294 00:12:18,256 --> 00:12:19,790 Nyah. Heh. 295 00:12:19,792 --> 00:12:22,593 Already have a franchise set up in Pasadena. 296 00:12:22,595 --> 00:12:24,296 That flame-grilled chicken money? 297 00:12:24,298 --> 00:12:25,898 Liquid gold. 298 00:12:27,201 --> 00:12:28,601 What the [Bleep], ref? 299 00:12:28,603 --> 00:12:30,036 You're not gonna call that? 300 00:12:30,038 --> 00:12:31,805 Say, Leonard, where's your apprentice? 301 00:12:31,807 --> 00:12:33,207 Guh! 302 00:12:34,142 --> 00:12:35,777 Stupid ceremony. 303 00:12:35,779 --> 00:12:38,181 Don't need to...Do it. 304 00:12:38,183 --> 00:12:40,551 From some guy who wasn't around for 50 years. 305 00:12:40,553 --> 00:12:41,986 Huh? 306 00:12:46,495 --> 00:12:47,862 Mm. Ah. 307 00:12:47,864 --> 00:12:49,330 Wha? 308 00:12:49,332 --> 00:12:51,901 ♪ ♪... 309 00:12:51,903 --> 00:12:54,740 Total boner city. 310 00:12:54,742 --> 00:12:57,377 Ah! She will be mine. 311 00:12:57,379 --> 00:12:59,881 Hey, pal, you're missing the festivities. 312 00:13:03,854 --> 00:13:05,888 Callie, I think we need to have a chat... 313 00:13:05,890 --> 00:13:07,291 about respecting my authority. 314 00:13:07,293 --> 00:13:08,658 I'm head counselor. 315 00:13:08,660 --> 00:13:11,363 If it makes me "unpopular, " so be it. 316 00:13:11,365 --> 00:13:13,531 Hey, speaking of census reports, 317 00:13:13,533 --> 00:13:15,801 look up there; It's Leonard. 318 00:13:15,803 --> 00:13:17,536 Leonard. 319 00:13:17,538 --> 00:13:20,574 Mark! What are you doing here? 320 00:13:20,576 --> 00:13:22,777 Twayne has me running his summer camp. 321 00:13:22,779 --> 00:13:26,115 Also, you forgot to sign your census report. 322 00:13:26,117 --> 00:13:28,618 The two are completely unrelated. 323 00:13:28,620 --> 00:13:31,255 Oh, [Bleep]! For reals? 324 00:13:31,257 --> 00:13:34,358 I can't retire till I sign that report. 325 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:35,594 You're retiring? 326 00:13:35,596 --> 00:13:36,928 Yes. 327 00:13:36,930 --> 00:13:40,000 Here's my replacement. Larry. 328 00:13:40,002 --> 00:13:41,468 It's Lionel, sir. 329 00:13:41,470 --> 00:13:42,804 Come to the secret entrance, 330 00:13:42,806 --> 00:13:44,606 and I'll explain everything. 331 00:13:44,608 --> 00:13:48,179 It's a sycamore tree with gold leaves... 332 00:13:48,181 --> 00:13:50,283 and a unicorn carved in it. 333 00:13:50,285 --> 00:13:53,087 It's not as gay as it sounds. 334 00:13:53,089 --> 00:13:54,991 And make sure no one follows you. 335 00:13:54,993 --> 00:13:57,929 Follows you, follows you. 336 00:13:57,931 --> 00:13:59,765 Checkmate. 337 00:14:03,581 --> 00:14:04,947 Whew! 338 00:14:04,949 --> 00:14:07,082 Zombie man, why are we to do this? 339 00:14:07,084 --> 00:14:09,050 Uh, well, in a nutshell, 340 00:14:09,052 --> 00:14:11,618 because I guess we don't yet have robots that can do this. 341 00:14:11,620 --> 00:14:13,320 Why are you not mining? 342 00:14:13,322 --> 00:14:15,589 What does this have to do with camp? 343 00:14:15,591 --> 00:14:17,157 Uh, mainly it has to do with... 344 00:14:17,159 --> 00:14:19,127 get back to work before I cut your water rations. 345 00:14:19,129 --> 00:14:21,261 I don't know how to be any clearer than that. 346 00:14:22,263 --> 00:14:24,164 This forest is kinda creepy. 347 00:14:24,166 --> 00:14:26,934 I hope I don't get... Ah! 348 00:14:28,304 --> 00:14:30,469 Sorry, Mark. I couldn't resist. 349 00:14:30,471 --> 00:14:32,071 And voila. 350 00:14:32,073 --> 00:14:35,508 My last official piece of business at the D.O.I. 351 00:14:35,510 --> 00:14:38,110 So you're really going through with this? 352 00:14:38,112 --> 00:14:39,712 After tomorrow's ceremony, 353 00:14:39,714 --> 00:14:41,480 Lionel will be taking my place, 354 00:14:41,482 --> 00:14:43,682 and I'm off to California. 355 00:14:43,684 --> 00:14:46,185 Well, you will be missed. 356 00:14:46,187 --> 00:14:48,388 But I look forward to working with you, Lionel. 357 00:14:48,390 --> 00:14:49,689 Hiyah! 358 00:14:49,691 --> 00:14:52,291 That is Mr. Chang to you. 359 00:14:52,293 --> 00:14:53,559 I have seniority. 360 00:14:53,561 --> 00:14:55,861 Hey, now you're learning. 361 00:14:55,863 --> 00:14:58,130 Really put that boot on his throat. 362 00:14:58,132 --> 00:15:01,200 Remember, whoever kills the most wizards... 363 00:15:01,202 --> 00:15:02,533 gets a free breakfast at Denny's. 364 00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:03,968 Oh. 365 00:15:13,711 --> 00:15:15,710 He must be their king. 366 00:15:22,717 --> 00:15:25,017 My God, Al Gore was right. 367 00:15:25,019 --> 00:15:28,154 I see it all so clearly now. 368 00:15:28,156 --> 00:15:30,822 Human beings are complete ass[Bleep]. 369 00:15:31,691 --> 00:15:34,692 Oh, silver, Mexican gold. 370 00:15:34,694 --> 00:15:39,097 Zombie person, please... Need hydration. 371 00:15:39,099 --> 00:15:41,867 Hey, who hogged all the water? 372 00:15:41,869 --> 00:15:43,402 I need to keep my skin moist. 373 00:15:43,404 --> 00:15:44,903 Damn it, guys. 374 00:15:44,905 --> 00:15:46,371 Now I'm gonna have to go up and fill it. 375 00:15:46,373 --> 00:15:48,407 Now, pull! 376 00:15:56,348 --> 00:15:57,749 Not my face! 377 00:16:02,954 --> 00:16:04,755 I should warn you all now. 378 00:16:04,757 --> 00:16:06,923 I totally have to take a [Bleep]. 379 00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:08,558 At least I die... 380 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,693 doing what I love most, 381 00:16:10,695 --> 00:16:12,528 shivering in cave. 382 00:16:12,530 --> 00:16:14,396 Almost dying really makes me... 383 00:16:14,398 --> 00:16:16,697 feel like eating something alive. 384 00:16:18,167 --> 00:16:20,468 March! March! 385 00:16:21,971 --> 00:16:24,706 The summer solstice has begun. 386 00:16:24,708 --> 00:16:26,740 Prepare your penises. 387 00:16:29,444 --> 00:16:31,844 Welcome to the wizardhood. 388 00:16:31,846 --> 00:16:35,514 And salutations from deathsville. 389 00:16:35,516 --> 00:16:38,383 Invaders! Form the ring of power. 390 00:16:42,956 --> 00:16:45,591 Huh? 391 00:16:45,593 --> 00:16:47,759 The only one who's allowed to touch my junk... 392 00:16:47,761 --> 00:16:49,727 is that red-skinned ViXen. 393 00:16:51,530 --> 00:16:54,298 So who's ready for the big talent show tonight? 394 00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:55,633 Huh? 395 00:16:55,635 --> 00:16:58,402 Hey, wha... Where'd everyone go? 396 00:17:00,771 --> 00:17:04,140 - Ah! Ah! - Aar! 397 00:17:04,142 --> 00:17:05,408 Ah! 398 00:17:07,879 --> 00:17:09,679 Ah! 399 00:17:13,985 --> 00:17:15,284 Oh. 400 00:17:15,286 --> 00:17:17,586 Ah! 401 00:17:20,024 --> 00:17:21,489 Blech. 402 00:17:24,595 --> 00:17:26,094 Clang! 403 00:17:29,833 --> 00:17:32,233 Guys, if I could just have your attention. 404 00:17:32,235 --> 00:17:35,235 Great job mining today, really phenomenal. 405 00:17:35,237 --> 00:17:37,838 What I wanna to talk to you about now is, 406 00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:39,306 who gets eaten first? 407 00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:40,608 This is a team effort. 408 00:17:40,610 --> 00:17:42,042 I don't want to be the only guy... 409 00:17:42,044 --> 00:17:43,542 making this decision. 410 00:17:43,544 --> 00:17:46,212 Although, personally, I don't eat fish, 411 00:17:46,214 --> 00:17:48,013 and I can't digest metal. 412 00:17:48,015 --> 00:17:51,116 And the Croatian guy just smells like a bus seat. 413 00:17:51,118 --> 00:17:53,651 So I guess we all know who that leaves. 414 00:17:53,653 --> 00:17:55,986 Lunch? Is that his name? 415 00:17:55,988 --> 00:17:57,322 Am I getting that right? 416 00:18:02,830 --> 00:18:05,096 - Typical Doug. - He's quite the digger. 417 00:18:05,098 --> 00:18:07,166 Amazing what fear can do to an animal... 418 00:18:07,168 --> 00:18:09,402 Uh, person, animal person. 419 00:18:09,404 --> 00:18:11,604 Where is everyone? 420 00:18:11,606 --> 00:18:14,173 Callie? Randall? 421 00:18:14,175 --> 00:18:16,475 Various assorted demons? 422 00:18:16,477 --> 00:18:17,843 Ooh, you're funny. 423 00:18:17,845 --> 00:18:20,512 What the... Hey! 424 00:18:20,514 --> 00:18:21,814 Mark! 425 00:18:21,816 --> 00:18:23,583 What the hell are you doing? 426 00:18:23,585 --> 00:18:25,150 Get out of here, you tit. 427 00:18:25,152 --> 00:18:27,920 Or did you not see the sock on the door? 428 00:18:27,922 --> 00:18:29,789 I'm about to give your colleague... 429 00:18:29,791 --> 00:18:31,857 a taste of me old bangers and mash. 430 00:18:33,410 --> 00:18:36,567 - What is going on here? - I'm the hot counselor, Mark. 431 00:18:36,686 --> 00:18:38,699 All the campers want to get with me. 432 00:18:38,819 --> 00:18:40,970 Clearly you need to watch more '80s movies. 433 00:18:41,090 --> 00:18:43,609 But he's so...Young. 434 00:18:43,729 --> 00:18:45,618 I'm twice your age, ass[Bleep]. 435 00:18:45,743 --> 00:18:48,170 You must have some serious insecurities... 436 00:18:48,312 --> 00:18:50,038 if you need this kind of validation. 437 00:18:50,092 --> 00:18:52,575 Whatever, Dr. Freud. If you're so smart, 438 00:18:52,690 --> 00:18:53,969 why did you lead daddy's army... 439 00:18:54,112 --> 00:18:55,626 right to the wizards' hidden fortress? 440 00:18:56,006 --> 00:18:58,035 Wait. What? 441 00:19:00,910 --> 00:19:04,151 - I see...Daylight. - We're saved. 442 00:19:04,271 --> 00:19:06,194 Guys, I just want to say two things. 443 00:19:06,314 --> 00:19:07,779 "A," I love you. 444 00:19:07,899 --> 00:19:09,192 There it is. That's how I feel. 445 00:19:09,312 --> 00:19:12,300 "B," I am still determined to eat Doug... 446 00:19:12,420 --> 00:19:14,557 one way or the other. Who's with me? 447 00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:20,952 Oh, would you look at that? It's murder time! 448 00:19:23,432 --> 00:19:24,815 Ow! Grimes? 449 00:19:24,935 --> 00:19:26,271 Rawr! 450 00:19:26,391 --> 00:19:27,997 They have an army of bears! 451 00:19:28,117 --> 00:19:29,674 Take evasive action! 452 00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:31,271 It's a miracle. 453 00:19:31,391 --> 00:19:32,749 I think they've come to save us. 454 00:19:34,419 --> 00:19:36,107 Ah! 455 00:19:36,227 --> 00:19:37,645 Oh, my retirement chicken! 456 00:19:37,765 --> 00:19:39,864 Feast, my brethren! 457 00:19:39,984 --> 00:19:41,960 Then we will hibernate! 458 00:19:50,524 --> 00:19:51,614 Ah! 459 00:19:52,943 --> 00:19:53,894 Splat! 460 00:19:54,869 --> 00:19:56,731 Digging underneath them! 461 00:19:56,851 --> 00:19:58,923 Right. Why didn't we think of this? 462 00:19:59,043 --> 00:20:01,155 Ohoh, my God! Leonard, are you okay? 463 00:20:01,462 --> 00:20:03,858 Quickly, Lionel must be circumcised. 464 00:20:04,410 --> 00:20:05,922 Whip it out! 465 00:20:06,042 --> 00:20:08,555 Ah, it's too late. The sun has set. 466 00:20:08,861 --> 00:20:11,120 Looks like Leonard's gonna have to go through another egg-Nancy. 467 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:14,883 That is, assuming he pulls through. 468 00:20:15,003 --> 00:20:17,020 That looks pretty bad. 469 00:20:17,304 --> 00:20:19,413 It's a good thing they told me the camp has a chopper. 470 00:20:19,533 --> 00:20:21,902 Oh, my God, there was never any camp. 471 00:20:22,022 --> 00:20:23,894 How is that not obvious by now? 472 00:20:25,389 --> 00:20:27,387 Friends are a funny thing. 473 00:20:27,962 --> 00:20:30,193 Some people are always finding new ones. 474 00:20:32,234 --> 00:20:34,588 "I am not a bear. I am a human being." 475 00:20:34,708 --> 00:20:35,882 Rawr! 476 00:20:36,351 --> 00:20:39,073 Some people prefer to keep the ones they already have. 477 00:20:39,193 --> 00:20:40,349 You clean faster! 478 00:20:40,469 --> 00:20:42,801 Yes, sir. Right away, sir. 479 00:20:42,921 --> 00:20:46,065 And some just make do with whoever's around. 480 00:20:46,948 --> 00:20:50,083 I'm so sorry about your apprentice, Leonard. 481 00:20:50,203 --> 00:20:54,235 Oh, I just can't imagine anyone who would want me as a mentor. 482 00:20:54,355 --> 00:20:56,681 I can think of one person. 483 00:20:57,093 --> 00:20:59,967 Um, I don't think you're supposed to drink in your condition. 484 00:21:00,087 --> 00:21:02,875 Don't tell me how to raise my new egg!