1 00:00:02,700 --> 00:00:05,144 We all like to pretend that we're special... 2 00:00:07,967 --> 00:00:09,949 Oh, oh! Help me. 3 00:00:10,016 --> 00:00:12,675 I think I'm allergic to your minestrone. 4 00:00:12,677 --> 00:00:14,610 That we have a destiny. 5 00:00:14,612 --> 00:00:16,013 Ahh! 6 00:00:16,015 --> 00:00:17,454 But for some of us, 7 00:00:17,456 --> 00:00:19,391 it's not always what we hoped it would be. 8 00:00:19,393 --> 00:00:21,461 My God, no! 9 00:00:25,669 --> 00:00:27,502 Ah! 10 00:00:27,504 --> 00:00:29,170 My petunias! 11 00:00:30,642 --> 00:00:32,539 Oh, great, aramaic. 12 00:00:32,541 --> 00:00:33,773 This can't be good. 13 00:00:33,775 --> 00:00:36,971 "Your arranged marriage draws nigh." 14 00:00:36,973 --> 00:00:38,640 Ugh! 15 00:00:38,642 --> 00:00:42,876 I am not marrying Twayne, no matter what daddy says! 16 00:00:42,878 --> 00:00:45,375 Don't blame the messenger. 17 00:00:45,377 --> 00:00:47,874 Sync by mczolly www.addic7ed.com 18 00:00:47,876 --> 00:00:49,541 Help me! 19 00:00:55,675 --> 00:00:59,508 That is the fishiest chili I've ever had. 20 00:00:59,510 --> 00:01:00,776 Thank you. 21 00:01:00,778 --> 00:01:04,345 The secret ingredient is me. 22 00:01:04,347 --> 00:01:05,911 Well, that concludes... 23 00:01:05,913 --> 00:01:08,980 the first annual Mark Lilly chili cook-off, 24 00:01:08,982 --> 00:01:12,915 and I am happy to announce first place goes to... 25 00:01:12,917 --> 00:01:16,047 Everybody. 26 00:01:16,049 --> 00:01:19,947 We are the champion, people. 27 00:01:19,949 --> 00:01:22,679 Oh, and one last thing. 28 00:01:22,681 --> 00:01:25,512 Don't forget to turn in your teacher evaluation forms, 29 00:01:25,514 --> 00:01:27,212 which have virtually nothing to do... 30 00:01:27,214 --> 00:01:29,945 with the celebration we've had here today. 31 00:01:29,947 --> 00:01:32,312 You are true champions. 32 00:01:35,645 --> 00:01:36,944 Hmm. 33 00:01:36,946 --> 00:01:39,945 It's all for you Callie! 34 00:01:39,947 --> 00:01:42,479 Ah! 35 00:01:42,481 --> 00:01:44,113 Oh. 36 00:01:44,115 --> 00:01:45,613 I think I know what this is about. 37 00:01:45,615 --> 00:01:47,480 Ah! 38 00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,148 - Ah! - Ah! 39 00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:51,015 You call that an omen? 40 00:01:51,017 --> 00:01:56,849 That's not even how you spell my name. 41 00:01:56,851 --> 00:01:58,483 That is kind of cool. 42 00:01:58,485 --> 00:02:00,083 Hey there, kitten. 43 00:02:00,085 --> 00:02:02,450 Did you see the horrific visions I sent you? 44 00:02:02,452 --> 00:02:05,051 A little wedding gift for my only daughter. 45 00:02:05,053 --> 00:02:06,518 Very sweet, daddy, 46 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:09,251 but you know how I feel about arranged marriages. 47 00:02:09,253 --> 00:02:11,018 Besides, I'm with Mark. 48 00:02:11,020 --> 00:02:13,551 Your office boy toy? Please. 49 00:02:13,553 --> 00:02:15,152 I've had relationships with strippers... 50 00:02:15,154 --> 00:02:16,851 that were more serious. 51 00:02:16,853 --> 00:02:19,284 You know I have a magical blood pact with the bone rapers. 52 00:02:19,286 --> 00:02:20,784 You have to go through with this, 53 00:02:20,786 --> 00:02:22,484 or I'll be killed. 54 00:02:22,486 --> 00:02:25,284 You only made this arrangement because you still feel guilty... 55 00:02:25,286 --> 00:02:27,117 about ditching Twayne's mom at the altar. 56 00:02:27,119 --> 00:02:30,117 Darling, you know I'm not capable of guilt. 57 00:02:30,119 --> 00:02:32,216 I promised you to Twayne because his family... 58 00:02:32,218 --> 00:02:33,783 is paying me a buttload of money... 59 00:02:33,785 --> 00:02:36,550 to deliver a bride for that un[Bleep]able oaf. 60 00:02:36,552 --> 00:02:38,350 My ears are burning. 61 00:02:38,352 --> 00:02:41,350 Who's ready to go pick out centerpieces? 62 00:02:42,617 --> 00:02:45,350 Ah. 63 00:02:45,352 --> 00:02:47,051 Cute earring. 64 00:02:47,053 --> 00:02:48,284 Great. 65 00:02:48,286 --> 00:02:50,818 I am literally attracted to you. 66 00:02:50,820 --> 00:02:53,251 Like I said, magical blood pact. 67 00:02:53,253 --> 00:02:55,418 Let's talk outside. 68 00:02:55,420 --> 00:02:58,484 Twayne, do you really want to marry me? 69 00:02:58,486 --> 00:03:01,150 Well, duh. It's preordained. 70 00:03:01,152 --> 00:03:02,951 Aren't you tired of our parents... 71 00:03:02,953 --> 00:03:04,883 trying to control our lives? 72 00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:08,450 I don't know if mommy would approve of this kind of talk. 73 00:03:09,984 --> 00:03:12,515 "Wears the same shirt every day." 74 00:03:12,517 --> 00:03:15,515 "Can't discern between different types of chili." 75 00:03:15,517 --> 00:03:17,915 No one takes me seriously. 76 00:03:17,917 --> 00:03:19,549 I can't imagine why. 77 00:03:19,551 --> 00:03:21,116 I have to step up my game, 78 00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,883 start seeing them one-on-one. 79 00:03:22,885 --> 00:03:24,483 The D.O.I. Can't afford... 80 00:03:24,485 --> 00:03:26,483 to provide those kinds of services. 81 00:03:26,485 --> 00:03:28,817 Don't you read the budget reports? 82 00:03:28,819 --> 00:03:31,417 Ow! What has gotten into you today? 83 00:03:31,419 --> 00:03:33,250 Really stepped it up with the sadism. 84 00:03:33,252 --> 00:03:36,483 Ugh, just more of daddy trying to control my life. 85 00:03:36,485 --> 00:03:37,849 What else is new? 86 00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:39,482 Well, I'm sorry to hear that, 87 00:03:39,484 --> 00:03:42,950 but how can I get through to my case files if not at work? 88 00:03:42,952 --> 00:03:44,949 Your office boy toy? 89 00:03:44,951 --> 00:03:46,716 I've had relationships with strippers... 90 00:03:46,718 --> 00:03:48,149 that were more serious. 91 00:03:48,151 --> 00:03:50,483 You can use your apartment as your office... 92 00:03:50,485 --> 00:03:52,149 and move in with me. 93 00:03:52,151 --> 00:03:55,515 Wow, that's a big step. 94 00:03:55,517 --> 00:03:57,849 I didn't know you were ready to make that kind of commitment. 95 00:03:57,851 --> 00:03:59,148 Of course I'm ready. 96 00:03:59,150 --> 00:04:03,016 I mean, come on, why else would I ask you? 97 00:04:03,018 --> 00:04:05,283 I don't know. 98 00:04:07,084 --> 00:04:09,183 - That slot, bunch of pigs all... - Randall? 99 00:04:09,185 --> 00:04:12,850 Oh, my God! Ladies, don't leave. 100 00:04:12,852 --> 00:04:14,116 Thanks a lot, Mark. 101 00:04:14,118 --> 00:04:15,517 I already paid for the full hour. 102 00:04:15,519 --> 00:04:16,749 You owe me $37, 103 00:04:16,751 --> 00:04:18,216 or I could just take it out of the rent. 104 00:04:18,218 --> 00:04:20,150 Your choice. 105 00:04:20,152 --> 00:04:24,249 Look, uh, I've got some news that might fix this situation. 106 00:04:24,251 --> 00:04:25,649 I'm moving in with Callie. 107 00:04:25,651 --> 00:04:27,549 Oh, my God. Are you drugged? 108 00:04:27,551 --> 00:04:29,048 No, let go. 109 00:04:29,050 --> 00:04:31,182 We're just going to try it out, see how it goes. 110 00:04:31,184 --> 00:04:34,048 Now you can use my room freely for your vile sexcapades, 111 00:04:34,050 --> 00:04:35,781 and I will use your old room... 112 00:04:35,783 --> 00:04:38,314 to conduct one-on-one therapy sessions with my students. 113 00:04:38,316 --> 00:04:40,081 I tell you what. 114 00:04:40,083 --> 00:04:42,314 Throw an extra hundred bucks, and you got yourself a deal. 115 00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:44,114 Fine. 116 00:04:44,116 --> 00:04:46,414 Now, if you'll excuse us, it's feeding time. 117 00:04:46,416 --> 00:04:50,814 Here pig, pig, pig, pig, pig. Woo-ee! 118 00:04:57,415 --> 00:04:59,680 Callie, sweetheart, you called this meeting. 119 00:04:59,682 --> 00:05:02,346 Is there some sort of problem, dear? 120 00:05:03,448 --> 00:05:04,813 I have an announcement to make. 121 00:05:04,815 --> 00:05:06,346 I'm moving in with Mark... 122 00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:08,479 and withdrawing from my arranged marriage to Twayne. 123 00:05:08,481 --> 00:05:10,479 But if I don't provide a bride for Twayne, 124 00:05:10,481 --> 00:05:12,045 I'll be brutally murdered. 125 00:05:12,047 --> 00:05:14,046 It's all right here, dear. 126 00:05:14,048 --> 00:05:16,312 Please don't address my client directly. 127 00:05:16,314 --> 00:05:17,779 I hate to interrupt, 128 00:05:17,781 --> 00:05:19,779 but does anybody have some toilet paper? 129 00:05:19,781 --> 00:05:22,079 I got a nosebleed on the way down here. 130 00:05:22,081 --> 00:05:23,646 It's the change in altitude. 131 00:05:23,648 --> 00:05:26,112 I'm not marrying this loser. 132 00:05:26,114 --> 00:05:28,478 By "I," I mean her. 133 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:30,678 Maybe we should eliminate the real problem, 134 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:32,045 your milquetoast boy toy. 135 00:05:32,047 --> 00:05:33,278 What's his face? 136 00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:34,745 His name is Mark Lilly. 137 00:05:34,747 --> 00:05:36,612 Leave my boyfriend out of this. 138 00:05:36,614 --> 00:05:39,412 He has no idea about me marrying Twayne, 139 00:05:39,414 --> 00:05:41,245 and it's going to stay that way. 140 00:05:41,247 --> 00:05:44,278 Don't start something you can't finish, dear. 141 00:05:46,679 --> 00:05:50,612 Where do I find Mark Lilly? 142 00:05:50,614 --> 00:05:52,645 Just getting my BlackBerry. 143 00:05:54,446 --> 00:05:56,345 Tell the doctor I'm dropping a deuce. 144 00:05:56,347 --> 00:05:57,644 Welcome. 145 00:05:57,646 --> 00:05:58,844 You're my first private session. 146 00:05:58,846 --> 00:06:00,177 Kind of an exciting moment for me, 147 00:06:00,179 --> 00:06:03,477 but I guess we should focus on you. 148 00:06:03,479 --> 00:06:05,010 Ah, what's been going on? 149 00:06:05,012 --> 00:06:07,777 Bought trans am like smoky and bandit on credit. 150 00:06:07,779 --> 00:06:09,411 Mm-hmm. 151 00:06:09,413 --> 00:06:14,109 Couldn't afford. So now they call all time. 152 00:06:14,111 --> 00:06:15,943 Well, money is often... 153 00:06:15,945 --> 00:06:17,710 the biggest cause of stress in our lives, 154 00:06:17,712 --> 00:06:18,876 have you thought about... 155 00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:20,710 Whoa! 156 00:06:20,712 --> 00:06:22,944 Oh, hey, Mark, while you're out will you pick up tp? 157 00:06:22,946 --> 00:06:24,477 Your towel's out of clean spots. 158 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:29,373 Ah, ah! Oh, my God! 159 00:06:30,975 --> 00:06:32,644 Let me out of here! 160 00:06:31,846 --> 00:06:35,721 I think you'll find escape quite impossible, Mark. 161 00:06:35,723 --> 00:06:37,259 I don't want to die. 162 00:06:37,261 --> 00:06:38,863 I just grew up. 163 00:06:38,865 --> 00:06:42,507 You've interfered with Callie for the last time. 164 00:06:42,509 --> 00:06:43,944 America's newest millionaire. 165 00:06:43,946 --> 00:06:45,615 Wait. What? 166 00:06:45,617 --> 00:06:48,122 I'm bribing you to break up with my daughter. 167 00:06:48,124 --> 00:06:50,261 And to sweeten the deal, 168 00:06:50,263 --> 00:06:52,299 here's my famous strawberry rhubarb pie. 169 00:06:52,301 --> 00:06:55,275 I have to respectfully decline, 170 00:06:55,277 --> 00:06:57,547 but I am sure it's delicious. 171 00:06:59,220 --> 00:07:01,190 I'm afraid I'm out of briefcases, Mark. 172 00:07:01,192 --> 00:07:03,162 My last offer is death. 173 00:07:03,164 --> 00:07:05,034 Huh? 174 00:07:05,036 --> 00:07:06,537 Excuse me for just one minute. 175 00:07:06,539 --> 00:07:08,209 I'm in the middle of a murder, honey. 176 00:07:08,211 --> 00:07:10,281 Can this wait? No. 177 00:07:10,283 --> 00:07:13,356 I want you to stop interfering in our daughter's life. 178 00:07:13,358 --> 00:07:15,562 Callie should be able to make her own decisions. 179 00:07:15,564 --> 00:07:18,936 But, Rosie, have you seen this loser? 180 00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:21,744 - Put your pie away. - Put my pie away? 181 00:07:21,746 --> 00:07:23,114 Put the pie away. 182 00:07:23,116 --> 00:07:24,885 The pie was your idea. 183 00:07:24,887 --> 00:07:27,426 You said the next time you want to kill someone, 184 00:07:27,428 --> 00:07:29,531 try giving them a pie instead. 185 00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:30,902 Why on earth would I ever tell you... 186 00:07:30,904 --> 00:07:32,406 to try to bribe someone with a pie? 187 00:07:32,408 --> 00:07:34,912 That literally makes no sense at all. 188 00:07:34,914 --> 00:07:37,719 Why don't we start at the beginning. 189 00:07:37,721 --> 00:07:40,026 Was there a time you ever cared for each other? 190 00:07:40,028 --> 00:07:41,697 Well... 191 00:07:41,699 --> 00:07:43,669 Well, I can't believe I let you talk us into this, 192 00:07:43,671 --> 00:07:44,705 but here goes nothing. 193 00:07:44,707 --> 00:07:46,310 A few decades back, 194 00:07:46,312 --> 00:07:48,515 I had an arranged marriage to Violet bone raper, 195 00:07:48,517 --> 00:07:49,987 Twayne's mom. 196 00:07:49,989 --> 00:07:51,858 But I just couldn't go through with it, 197 00:07:51,860 --> 00:07:53,295 so I ditched her at the altar. 198 00:07:53,297 --> 00:07:56,537 Oh, ring-a-ding ding, mack, 199 00:07:56,539 --> 00:07:58,711 just keeping your seat warm. 200 00:07:58,713 --> 00:08:01,050 I thought I was only delaying the inevitable, 201 00:08:01,052 --> 00:08:02,521 but then I saw her, 202 00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:04,694 the most beautiful woman in the world... 203 00:08:04,696 --> 00:08:06,365 and my way out. 204 00:08:06,367 --> 00:08:08,137 Frankie, I want your girl. 205 00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:09,908 Don't waste your time. 206 00:08:09,910 --> 00:08:12,381 I've been trying to crack that walnut for weeks. 207 00:08:12,383 --> 00:08:13,751 She wants a baby. 208 00:08:13,753 --> 00:08:15,622 No kidding? 209 00:08:15,624 --> 00:08:17,127 I'll cut to the chase, sweetheart. 210 00:08:17,129 --> 00:08:19,800 You rub my back, I'll impregnate yours. 211 00:08:19,802 --> 00:08:21,204 Okay. 212 00:08:21,206 --> 00:08:23,009 I do want a baby, 213 00:08:23,011 --> 00:08:25,047 but you can't kill me after I've had it. 214 00:08:25,049 --> 00:08:26,451 Fine, fine. 215 00:08:26,453 --> 00:08:29,124 Initial here in blood. Initial here in blood. 216 00:08:29,126 --> 00:08:30,729 Initial here in blood. 217 00:08:30,731 --> 00:08:34,339 Initial here in blood. Initial here in blood. 218 00:08:34,341 --> 00:08:35,743 Hmm, hmm, hmm. 219 00:08:35,745 --> 00:08:37,850 And initial here in blood. 220 00:08:37,852 --> 00:08:39,421 Splendid. 221 00:08:39,423 --> 00:08:41,025 Now let's hit Vegas and lock this down. 222 00:08:41,027 --> 00:08:42,663 The marriage didn't last, 223 00:08:42,665 --> 00:08:45,270 but I got Callie, which made everything worth it, 224 00:08:45,272 --> 00:08:46,508 right, honey? 225 00:08:46,510 --> 00:08:48,079 Yeah, you took away my soul... 226 00:08:48,081 --> 00:08:50,519 and then dumped me for a slough of younger women. 227 00:08:50,521 --> 00:08:52,123 Glad I could be a part of it. 228 00:08:52,125 --> 00:08:54,998 Oh, you weren't using your soul anyway. 229 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,602 You will have to excuse me. 230 00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:59,811 My secretary has just alerted me to an emergency outside. 231 00:08:59,813 --> 00:09:01,950 Ha! 232 00:09:01,952 --> 00:09:03,655 We need to get out of here immediately. 233 00:09:03,657 --> 00:09:06,763 My dad is kind of homicidal about us living together. 234 00:09:06,765 --> 00:09:08,468 I think we're past that. 235 00:09:08,470 --> 00:09:11,008 He's in my office with your mom. 236 00:09:11,010 --> 00:09:12,612 This ends now. 237 00:09:12,614 --> 00:09:14,249 I really don't like to interrupt... 238 00:09:14,251 --> 00:09:17,624 a session in progress, especially with a crossbow. 239 00:09:19,096 --> 00:09:21,435 - Oh, the horror. - The horror. 240 00:09:22,673 --> 00:09:24,174 - Stroke. - Mm-hmm. 241 00:09:24,176 --> 00:09:25,879 - Stroke. - Yep. 242 00:09:25,881 --> 00:09:27,550 - Stroke. - Mm-hmm. 243 00:09:27,552 --> 00:09:29,321 Stoke. 244 00:09:29,323 --> 00:09:33,900 Doug, why don't you take the rest of the day off. 245 00:09:33,902 --> 00:09:35,304 - Stroke. - Sure. 246 00:09:35,306 --> 00:09:36,574 - Stroke. - Mm-hmm. 247 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:37,811 - Stroke. - Yep, yep. 248 00:09:37,813 --> 00:09:39,282 - Stroke. - All right. 249 00:09:42,357 --> 00:09:43,860 Didn't see that one coming. 250 00:09:43,862 --> 00:09:45,197 Hopefully my dad's so distracted... 251 00:09:45,199 --> 00:09:46,633 by the make-up sex, 252 00:09:46,635 --> 00:09:48,906 he'll stop meddling in my life. 253 00:09:48,908 --> 00:09:53,820 Wow, last time I was here, I was just a baby, 254 00:09:53,822 --> 00:09:55,958 and I looked just like that. 255 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,498 This one goes out to mack, Rosie, 256 00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:00,505 and their new little bundle of pure evil. 257 00:10:00,507 --> 00:10:04,649 Let's take a walk down memory Lane with when I was 17. 258 00:10:04,651 --> 00:10:08,026 A one, two, a one, two, three. 259 00:10:10,434 --> 00:10:11,902 Ring-a-ding ding, guys. 260 00:10:11,904 --> 00:10:14,375 Callie, meet your new sister, Lillith. 261 00:10:14,377 --> 00:10:16,514 You're off the hook, congratulations. 262 00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:17,984 New sister? 263 00:10:17,986 --> 00:10:20,090 But we just caught you having sex yesterday. 264 00:10:20,092 --> 00:10:22,563 Thanks to all the hormone injections I've been getting, 265 00:10:22,565 --> 00:10:26,975 Lillith was born this morning and will age one year every day. 266 00:10:26,977 --> 00:10:29,581 She was be taking Callie's place with Twayne. 267 00:10:29,583 --> 00:10:31,553 Goochie goochie goo. 268 00:10:31,555 --> 00:10:33,125 Hey, guys. 269 00:10:32,927 --> 00:10:36,401 Okay, whiskey for the daddy, Martini for the mommy, 270 00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:38,976 and a bottle of milk for my special girl. 271 00:10:39,178 --> 00:10:43,254 Wait, you mean she'll be taking Callie's job? 272 00:10:43,256 --> 00:10:47,065 She means Lillith will be taking my place... 273 00:10:47,067 --> 00:10:51,076 as Twayne's emergency contact on his library card. 274 00:10:51,078 --> 00:10:52,446 Yeah, that sounds passable. 275 00:10:52,448 --> 00:10:54,751 Oh, well, I'm so glad... 276 00:10:54,753 --> 00:10:56,289 that I could put a family back together... 277 00:10:56,291 --> 00:10:58,294 in my first week of private practice. 278 00:10:58,296 --> 00:11:01,503 If you could leave a favorable review on yelp, 279 00:11:01,505 --> 00:11:03,508 that would be greatly appreciated. 280 00:11:03,510 --> 00:11:06,113 To responsibility. 281 00:11:06,115 --> 00:11:09,991 Ugh, I can't believe you're living with this zero. 282 00:11:09,993 --> 00:11:11,194 I'm killing him now. 283 00:11:11,196 --> 00:11:12,664 No! 284 00:11:12,666 --> 00:11:14,904 I can't risk another toast, sweetie. 285 00:11:14,906 --> 00:11:17,512 I don't expect you to understand, daddy. 286 00:11:17,514 --> 00:11:20,319 It's our only chance to have a normal life together. 287 00:11:20,321 --> 00:11:23,964 If you want to waste your time with this schlub, be my guest. 288 00:11:23,966 --> 00:11:26,404 I have a new little bundle of evil now. 289 00:11:26,406 --> 00:11:29,779 Your services are no longer required. 290 00:11:32,088 --> 00:11:34,860 ♪ You wouldn't think twice ♪... 291 00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:37,367 ♪ about changing a lightbulb ♪... 292 00:11:37,369 --> 00:11:41,912 ♪ unless you had a demon child like me ♪... 293 00:11:41,914 --> 00:11:44,786 Ah! 294 00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:48,462 Lillith, help! I'm your mother! 295 00:11:51,773 --> 00:11:54,411 "Heard about the accident. Don't need the drama. 296 00:11:54,413 --> 00:11:56,016 Peace out, macky." 297 00:11:56,018 --> 00:11:58,021 Kill it or me, 298 00:11:58,023 --> 00:12:02,199 but I'm not raising the omen baby by myself. 299 00:12:02,201 --> 00:12:04,373 I want to live with you. 300 00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:07,548 Mark, we're just starting out as a carefree urban couple. 301 00:12:07,550 --> 00:12:09,421 I don't think we are ready to be parents. 302 00:12:09,423 --> 00:12:11,761 She's going to be 18 in under two weeks. 303 00:12:11,763 --> 00:12:13,198 It'll be a good test to see... 304 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:14,568 if we are ready for the real thing. 305 00:12:14,570 --> 00:12:16,774 Yay. 306 00:12:16,776 --> 00:12:18,679 Oh, there is my little kitten. 307 00:12:29,922 --> 00:12:31,930 And Lillith, age six, her first pony ride. 308 00:12:31,932 --> 00:12:33,505 Uh-oh. 309 00:12:35,107 --> 00:12:39,257 Looks like we got some technical difficulties here. 310 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,769 Ah! 311 00:12:41,771 --> 00:12:43,376 Really, Lillith? 312 00:12:43,378 --> 00:12:46,189 I wasn't doing hot heads past the age of four. 313 00:12:46,191 --> 00:12:48,131 - You're old and saggy. - Ugh. 314 00:12:48,133 --> 00:12:50,208 Every day is a birthday with Lillith, 315 00:12:50,210 --> 00:12:51,548 day ten, age ten. 316 00:12:51,550 --> 00:12:53,155 We're doing it Mexican style... 317 00:12:53,157 --> 00:12:54,997 ♪ deedle-ee deedle-ee da la do do ♪... 318 00:12:54,999 --> 00:12:56,772 ♪ deedle deedle deedle... ♪ goddamn it! 319 00:12:56,774 --> 00:12:58,078 How can the memory card be full? 320 00:12:58,080 --> 00:12:59,921 I just emptied this thing. 321 00:12:59,923 --> 00:13:01,696 Hmm... 322 00:13:03,439 --> 00:13:06,485 - Ow, my pants! - Oh! 323 00:13:06,187 --> 00:13:07,927 You're lucky your foster dad wasn't conscious... 324 00:13:07,929 --> 00:13:09,199 to find out about this. 325 00:13:09,201 --> 00:13:10,472 Okay. 326 00:13:10,474 --> 00:13:12,113 Gamely proceeding forth, 327 00:13:12,115 --> 00:13:13,720 still haven't caught that mugger, 328 00:13:13,722 --> 00:13:15,060 but dad's healing nicely. 329 00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:16,869 Parent-teacher conference day... 330 00:13:16,871 --> 00:13:18,877 for my big girl in seventh grade. 331 00:13:18,879 --> 00:13:21,656 Seems like only yesterday, you were in sixth grade. 332 00:13:21,658 --> 00:13:24,904 Oh, wait. That was yesterday. 333 00:13:24,906 --> 00:13:27,047 Daddy, you're so funny. 334 00:13:27,049 --> 00:13:28,287 Well, thank you, sweetheart. 335 00:13:28,289 --> 00:13:29,593 The jokes are there... 336 00:13:29,595 --> 00:13:31,334 for the people who want to hear them. 337 00:13:31,336 --> 00:13:33,914 We need to have a serious discussion about Lillith. 338 00:13:33,916 --> 00:13:36,191 She made the school mascot come to life, 339 00:13:36,193 --> 00:13:38,334 and it ate the whole marching band. 340 00:13:41,081 --> 00:13:43,325 They grow up so fast. 341 00:13:43,327 --> 00:13:46,707 Hey, 'rents, do you think this dress is tight enough? 342 00:13:46,709 --> 00:13:49,353 Holy mackerel. 343 00:13:49,355 --> 00:13:50,793 Ah! 344 00:13:53,473 --> 00:13:55,079 Mr. Lilly, Ms. Maggotbone. 345 00:13:55,081 --> 00:13:56,318 What are you doing here? 346 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:57,691 I just wanted to take Lillith out... 347 00:13:57,693 --> 00:13:59,131 for some burgers and shakes, 348 00:13:59,133 --> 00:14:00,906 and then maybe enjoy a Christian troubadour... 349 00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:02,312 at the local abstinence fair. 350 00:14:02,314 --> 00:14:03,852 - Mm-hmm. - Um... 351 00:14:03,854 --> 00:14:05,728 Just get it out of your system. 352 00:14:05,730 --> 00:14:08,440 You know who you're going to have to be with in the end. 353 00:14:08,442 --> 00:14:09,915 See you later, daddy. 354 00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:12,561 Bup, bup, bup. Hand it over. 355 00:14:14,673 --> 00:14:17,183 Here's $20, home by 2:00. 356 00:14:17,185 --> 00:14:18,757 Have a great time, kids. 357 00:14:21,438 --> 00:14:22,810 Whoo! 358 00:14:22,812 --> 00:14:24,150 Don't worry. 359 00:14:24,152 --> 00:14:27,064 I keep a spare penis in the seat compartment. 360 00:14:27,066 --> 00:14:28,337 Whoo-hoo! 361 00:14:28,339 --> 00:14:29,543 Oh! 362 00:14:30,951 --> 00:14:33,796 Thanks for see me on such short notice, Mark. 363 00:14:33,798 --> 00:14:36,175 Of course. What seems to be the problem? 364 00:14:36,177 --> 00:14:37,716 Well, this is a little awkward, 365 00:14:37,718 --> 00:14:39,725 but I wanted to get your blessing. 366 00:14:39,727 --> 00:14:41,600 I know it's an arranged marriage, 367 00:14:41,602 --> 00:14:44,313 but I would just feel better if I had your nod of approval. 368 00:14:44,315 --> 00:14:45,586 What? 369 00:14:45,588 --> 00:14:47,260 Blessing to marry who? 370 00:14:48,336 --> 00:14:51,750 Mr. Lilly, may I have your permission... 371 00:14:51,752 --> 00:14:53,994 to marry your adopted daughter, Lillith? 372 00:14:53,996 --> 00:14:56,003 What are you talking about? 373 00:14:56,005 --> 00:14:58,649 Oh, alger mack promised to make Callie my bride, 374 00:14:58,651 --> 00:15:00,859 but now he's replaced her with Lillith. 375 00:15:00,861 --> 00:15:02,735 Which is cool, 'cause she's hotter anyway. 376 00:15:02,737 --> 00:15:04,845 Absolutely not! 377 00:15:04,847 --> 00:15:06,218 Oh, she definitely is, 378 00:15:06,220 --> 00:15:07,624 which is the problem. 379 00:15:07,626 --> 00:15:09,936 In seven hours, I'm supposed to... 380 00:15:11,947 --> 00:15:14,759 Do the intercourse with Lillith. 381 00:15:14,761 --> 00:15:16,265 I mean, it's a lot of pressure. 382 00:15:16,267 --> 00:15:17,773 My mom will be there. 383 00:15:17,775 --> 00:15:19,648 I think it might be televised. 384 00:15:19,650 --> 00:15:21,021 Televised? 385 00:15:21,023 --> 00:15:22,762 Of course. It's a demon wedding. 386 00:15:22,764 --> 00:15:26,379 We consummate on the sex altar in front of everyone. 387 00:15:26,381 --> 00:15:27,651 So much pressure. 388 00:15:27,653 --> 00:15:28,957 Over my dead body! 389 00:15:28,959 --> 00:15:30,800 You will not be marrying my daughter... 390 00:15:30,802 --> 00:15:33,479 or doing the intercourse with her! 391 00:15:33,481 --> 00:15:35,656 Well, she's technically not your daughter. 392 00:15:35,658 --> 00:15:37,532 Callie, we have to talk. 393 00:15:37,534 --> 00:15:39,976 I just found out that Twayne is supposed to get married... 394 00:15:39,978 --> 00:15:43,426 to your sister and have sex with her in public. 395 00:15:43,428 --> 00:15:46,808 On the one hand, I am completely shocked and disgusted, 396 00:15:46,810 --> 00:15:48,550 and on the other, I'm a little upset... 397 00:15:48,552 --> 00:15:50,425 I didn't even get to help her pick out the dress. 398 00:15:50,427 --> 00:15:51,799 I'm sorry. 399 00:15:51,801 --> 00:15:52,971 It just never seemed like the right time... 400 00:15:52,973 --> 00:15:54,377 to bring something like that up. 401 00:15:54,379 --> 00:15:56,454 Ugh, how could you be a part of this? 402 00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,726 You're right. 403 00:15:57,728 --> 00:16:00,541 I couldn't agree with you more. 404 00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:02,047 Hey, bitches. 405 00:16:02,049 --> 00:16:03,756 Lillith, I'm glad you're here. 406 00:16:03,758 --> 00:16:06,602 Your pop-pop and I have something to say to you. 407 00:16:06,604 --> 00:16:09,549 I couldn't believe it when daddy told me I had to marry Twayne. 408 00:16:09,551 --> 00:16:12,128 He had no right to try and control my life like that. 409 00:16:12,130 --> 00:16:13,535 But now I see that I've been... 410 00:16:13,537 --> 00:16:15,645 trying to do the exact same thing to you. 411 00:16:15,647 --> 00:16:18,256 If you want to weasel out of your arrangement like I did, 412 00:16:18,258 --> 00:16:20,131 I'm fine with that. 413 00:16:20,133 --> 00:16:23,514 So you don't want me to marry Twayne? 414 00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:24,785 That's right. 415 00:16:24,787 --> 00:16:28,637 I don't want you to. 416 00:16:28,339 --> 00:16:29,777 Well, how do you like this, sis? 417 00:16:29,779 --> 00:16:31,821 I'm going to do the exact opposite... 418 00:16:31,823 --> 00:16:33,059 of what you want me to do. 419 00:16:33,061 --> 00:16:34,835 I am going to marry him. 420 00:16:34,837 --> 00:16:37,614 You're too old for him anyway, hag. 421 00:16:37,616 --> 00:16:40,662 So, can I have my penis back now? 422 00:16:44,738 --> 00:16:48,504 Can you believe how wonderful the sex altar looks? 423 00:16:48,506 --> 00:16:51,172 I've got the know the florist she used. 424 00:16:52,907 --> 00:16:54,774 Twayne, I just want you to know... 425 00:16:54,776 --> 00:16:57,775 that if it weren't for my blood pact with your family, 426 00:16:57,777 --> 00:16:59,943 I wouldn't let you within 100 feet of my daughter. 427 00:16:59,945 --> 00:17:02,144 100 feet is very generous, sir. 428 00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:03,711 It is time. 429 00:17:03,713 --> 00:17:05,379 I don't know if I can do this. 430 00:17:05,381 --> 00:17:07,980 Just think of something is that makes you happy. 431 00:17:07,982 --> 00:17:10,448 Get out there, cowboy. 432 00:17:10,450 --> 00:17:13,983 Ponies ponies, ponies, ponies, ponies, ponies, ponies, ponies. 433 00:17:13,985 --> 00:17:15,817 Honestly, I still can't believe... 434 00:17:15,819 --> 00:17:17,284 you're going to sleep with Twayne... 435 00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:18,818 in front of this entire stadium, 436 00:17:18,820 --> 00:17:21,252 but I guess I have to be respectful... 437 00:17:21,254 --> 00:17:23,119 of our cultural differences, 438 00:17:23,121 --> 00:17:28,320 so go and have a good life with the man you were created for. 439 00:17:28,322 --> 00:17:29,853 Twayne is a dolt, 440 00:17:29,855 --> 00:17:31,953 and my annoying sister doesn't appreciate you. 441 00:17:31,955 --> 00:17:33,954 That's really no way to talk... 442 00:17:33,956 --> 00:17:36,320 about your sister or your future husband. 443 00:17:36,322 --> 00:17:37,655 And in about three minutes, 444 00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:39,255 I will be destroying the two of them... 445 00:17:39,257 --> 00:17:43,257 and consummating my marriage to you on the sex altar. 446 00:17:43,259 --> 00:17:47,625 Um, this is was not the talk I had in mind. 447 00:17:47,627 --> 00:17:50,126 See you out there, daddy. 448 00:17:52,494 --> 00:17:56,162 Being a father of the bride is really stressful. 449 00:18:04,234 --> 00:18:09,735 ♪ ♪... 450 00:18:09,737 --> 00:18:11,335 We are gathered here today... 451 00:18:11,337 --> 00:18:15,404 to witness the marriage of these two demon lovers. 452 00:18:15,406 --> 00:18:21,206 Does anyone know why these two should not get busy? 453 00:18:22,741 --> 00:18:24,339 In that case, 454 00:18:24,341 --> 00:18:28,508 let's get ready for some humping! 455 00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:31,741 Ah, ah. 456 00:18:33,044 --> 00:18:34,408 Yeah. 457 00:18:43,047 --> 00:18:46,513 Um, I think I'm going to need a bigger mating bone. 458 00:18:46,515 --> 00:18:48,980 Fluffers. 459 00:18:48,982 --> 00:18:51,181 How'd your little talk go? 460 00:18:51,183 --> 00:18:53,381 Interesting thing about that. 461 00:18:53,383 --> 00:18:57,949 She said she's going to kill you and Twayne... 462 00:18:57,951 --> 00:19:00,217 so she can marry me. 463 00:19:00,219 --> 00:19:01,751 Kill me? 464 00:19:01,753 --> 00:19:03,352 Marry you? 465 00:19:03,354 --> 00:19:04,585 That's it in a nutshell. 466 00:19:04,587 --> 00:19:05,919 Oh, I don't think so. 467 00:19:05,921 --> 00:19:07,619 Hold my soul, please. 468 00:19:07,621 --> 00:19:09,887 This ends now. 469 00:19:09,889 --> 00:19:11,287 Go get her, honey. 470 00:19:13,090 --> 00:19:18,490 Stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke. 471 00:19:18,492 --> 00:19:19,790 Don't worry, Twayne. 472 00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:22,491 This will only kill a little. 473 00:19:22,493 --> 00:19:24,225 You will not be killing my boss... 474 00:19:24,227 --> 00:19:25,993 and [Bleep]Ing my boyfriend. 475 00:19:25,995 --> 00:19:29,361 But you will be getting [Bleep]Ed up. 476 00:19:54,370 --> 00:19:56,736 Well, I took quite a spill, 477 00:19:56,738 --> 00:20:00,070 but I think I might be regaining the use of my legs if I just... 478 00:20:00,072 --> 00:20:01,870 Huh! 479 00:20:01,872 --> 00:20:04,571 Not cool. 480 00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:07,405 Mwah! 481 00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:09,439 Sorry, everyone. 482 00:20:09,441 --> 00:20:11,073 Show's over. 483 00:20:11,075 --> 00:20:13,774 There will be no demonic wedding today... 484 00:20:13,776 --> 00:20:15,375 and no refunds. 485 00:20:15,377 --> 00:20:17,509 But be sure to visit the gift shop on the way out. 486 00:20:17,511 --> 00:20:20,442 Thank you, and drive safely. 487 00:20:20,444 --> 00:20:23,376 Is it wrong to say I'm happy to see Lillith gone? 488 00:20:23,378 --> 00:20:24,777 I'm going to have to patch things up... 489 00:20:24,779 --> 00:20:26,178 with Twayne's mom again, 490 00:20:26,180 --> 00:20:29,745 but I like our little family the way it is. 491 00:20:29,747 --> 00:20:31,145 Except for you, Mark. 492 00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:33,147 Play us off, Frankie. 493 00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:34,414 You got it, chairman. 494 00:20:34,416 --> 00:20:35,947 A one, two, three. 495 00:20:38,450 --> 00:20:40,415 Destiny can be a curse. 496 00:20:40,417 --> 00:20:42,583 You can try to control it... 497 00:20:42,585 --> 00:20:45,116 These are going to be collector's items one day. 498 00:20:45,118 --> 00:20:46,584 Ah, no they're not. 499 00:20:46,586 --> 00:20:50,052 But typically, it controls you. 500 00:20:50,054 --> 00:20:51,552 Be honest. 501 00:20:51,554 --> 00:20:53,419 Now that you don't have to marry Twayne, 502 00:20:53,421 --> 00:20:54,920 do you still want to live with me? 503 00:20:54,922 --> 00:20:57,454 Have your stuff out of my place by Monday. 504 00:20:57,456 --> 00:20:58,821 I figured.