1 00:00:03,646 --> 00:00:07,271 People are most afraid when they have to deal with change. 2 00:00:07,300 --> 00:00:09,370 Huh? 3 00:00:15,623 --> 00:00:19,766 But eventually, you adapt and the mundanity of life... 4 00:00:19,768 --> 00:00:22,674 hits you square in the face. 5 00:00:22,676 --> 00:00:23,977 They're coming! 6 00:00:23,979 --> 00:00:26,785 The zombies are gonna tear us apart! 7 00:00:26,787 --> 00:00:28,490 No, you moron. 8 00:00:28,492 --> 00:00:31,064 They're doing a 10k fun run to raise awareness... 9 00:00:31,066 --> 00:00:32,869 for zombies without graves. 10 00:00:32,871 --> 00:00:34,140 It's a worthy cause. 11 00:00:34,142 --> 00:00:35,543 Sorry. 12 00:00:35,545 --> 00:00:36,914 I didn't know. 13 00:00:36,916 --> 00:00:38,452 I just moved to the city. 14 00:00:38,454 --> 00:00:40,591 Well, let me give you a big New York welcome. 15 00:00:40,593 --> 00:00:41,861 Hit it, Doug. 16 00:00:44,871 --> 00:00:47,945 Sync by mczolly www.addic7ed.com 17 00:00:50,387 --> 00:00:53,929 Everyone, Murray is new in town, 18 00:00:53,931 --> 00:00:57,573 so let's give him a big New York welcome. 19 00:01:01,184 --> 00:01:03,355 None of you freaks get any funny ideas, 20 00:01:03,357 --> 00:01:04,659 especially you! 21 00:01:04,661 --> 00:01:05,996 Take what you want. 22 00:01:05,998 --> 00:01:07,333 Just don't hurt me. 23 00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:10,843 Murray, humans are just a small part... 24 00:01:10,845 --> 00:01:12,883 of the fabric of New York. 25 00:01:12,885 --> 00:01:15,422 The city is full of all sorts... 26 00:01:15,424 --> 00:01:18,398 of interesting creatures. 27 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:21,841 We all live peacefully under the integration treaty. 28 00:01:21,843 --> 00:01:24,749 So your fear of them is actually really insulting. 29 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,520 Poppycock! 30 00:01:26,522 --> 00:01:28,761 I've heard demons talking about the end of days. 31 00:01:28,763 --> 00:01:30,632 It's part of their culture. 32 00:01:30,634 --> 00:01:33,908 Demon history is full of failed end of days plots. 33 00:01:33,910 --> 00:01:36,281 Lights? 34 00:01:36,283 --> 00:01:39,122 500,000 years ago, bilth the ugly... 35 00:01:39,124 --> 00:01:41,663 conjured an earthquake meant to split the planet. 36 00:01:41,665 --> 00:01:44,772 However, it ended up creating the grand canyon, 37 00:01:44,774 --> 00:01:47,179 one of our nation's most majestic natural treasures. 38 00:01:47,181 --> 00:01:48,850 What a putz. 39 00:01:48,852 --> 00:01:51,625 Vilmore the unsightly worked for years to open up... 40 00:01:51,627 --> 00:01:53,497 a demonic portal, 41 00:01:53,499 --> 00:01:55,837 but instead of sucking people into the ninth circle of hell, 42 00:01:55,839 --> 00:01:58,711 it sent them to sandals resort in Martinique. 43 00:01:58,713 --> 00:02:00,349 I still don't understand the rules... 44 00:02:00,351 --> 00:02:01,921 for tipping at resorts. 45 00:02:01,923 --> 00:02:04,093 Today demons are fully integrated... 46 00:02:04,095 --> 00:02:05,631 but still celebrate their heritage... 47 00:02:05,633 --> 00:02:08,606 with an annual end of days war pre-enactment... 48 00:02:08,608 --> 00:02:10,277 in Times Square. 49 00:02:10,279 --> 00:02:12,317 Whoever wants to participate is assigned a role. 50 00:02:12,319 --> 00:02:16,662 I've never been, but I hear it's quite a party. 51 00:02:16,664 --> 00:02:18,133 So what do you say? 52 00:02:18,135 --> 00:02:19,570 How about you hand over the gun? 53 00:02:19,572 --> 00:02:21,643 Not a chance! 54 00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:26,357 Whoa! Oh, not again. 55 00:02:26,359 --> 00:02:29,298 I should really get bars for this window. 56 00:02:29,300 --> 00:02:32,206 Mark Lilly to Twayne's office. 57 00:02:32,208 --> 00:02:33,443 What's going on? 58 00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:35,415 Twayne's having a meltdown. 59 00:02:35,417 --> 00:02:38,290 "Twayne boneraper, you have been drafted... 60 00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:40,429 "into Satan's dark army... 61 00:02:40,431 --> 00:02:42,736 to serve as a pre-enactment foot soldier." 62 00:02:42,738 --> 00:02:44,307 Oy. 63 00:02:44,309 --> 00:02:46,046 His mother's been getting him out of service... 64 00:02:46,048 --> 00:02:47,650 for the last 50 years. 65 00:02:47,652 --> 00:02:50,391 I had no idea Twayne was 70 years old. 66 00:02:50,393 --> 00:02:52,964 Very smooth skin for a demon his age. 67 00:02:52,966 --> 00:02:54,770 You can see it in the eyes. 68 00:02:56,410 --> 00:02:57,645 What's going on, buddy? 69 00:02:57,647 --> 00:02:59,283 Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. 70 00:02:59,285 --> 00:03:01,522 Just spinning some wax. 71 00:03:01,524 --> 00:03:03,728 I head about your draft letter. 72 00:03:03,730 --> 00:03:04,965 Are you okay? 73 00:03:04,967 --> 00:03:06,236 Oh, yeah, totally cool. 74 00:03:06,238 --> 00:03:08,476 I'm just gonna pay the fine. 75 00:03:08,478 --> 00:03:10,414 Look I'm not sure this is my business, 76 00:03:10,416 --> 00:03:12,653 but there must be a root cause... 77 00:03:12,655 --> 00:03:14,158 for you not wanting to go down there. 78 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:15,662 I can't poop away from home. 79 00:03:15,664 --> 00:03:17,869 Oh, very close to the surface. 80 00:03:17,871 --> 00:03:19,875 Am I normal? 81 00:03:19,877 --> 00:03:21,779 Fecal withholding, 82 00:03:21,781 --> 00:03:24,454 generally not common among the senior set. 83 00:03:24,456 --> 00:03:25,992 Oh, God. 84 00:03:25,994 --> 00:03:28,231 I hate being a grown-up. 85 00:03:28,233 --> 00:03:29,869 You know what I think? 86 00:03:29,871 --> 00:03:32,042 The real constipation isn't down there. 87 00:03:32,044 --> 00:03:33,379 It's up here. 88 00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:35,886 You mean I have poop in my heart? 89 00:03:35,888 --> 00:03:38,894 Something important feels out of control. 90 00:03:38,896 --> 00:03:43,575 So you are controlling your poop instead. 91 00:03:43,577 --> 00:03:45,681 Hear that? I'm controlling you. 92 00:03:45,683 --> 00:03:49,023 Twayne, if you don't confront your fears now, 93 00:03:49,025 --> 00:03:52,734 you may never have full fecal freedom. 94 00:03:52,736 --> 00:03:53,937 Is that a thing? 95 00:03:53,939 --> 00:03:55,241 The three "f"s. 96 00:03:55,243 --> 00:03:56,544 Look it up. 97 00:04:03,432 --> 00:04:05,168 This week in great bonerapers, 98 00:04:05,170 --> 00:04:08,511 general twesley boneraper, a glorious bastard. 99 00:04:08,513 --> 00:04:10,149 Born to his mother, bilet boneraper, 100 00:04:10,151 --> 00:04:12,490 and her dashing sex partner Scott, 101 00:04:12,492 --> 00:04:14,829 general was the runt in a litter of eight. 102 00:04:14,831 --> 00:04:17,771 His seven brothers in descending order of greatness are... 103 00:04:17,773 --> 00:04:18,940 Twilliam, 104 00:04:18,942 --> 00:04:20,010 Twarren, 105 00:04:20,012 --> 00:04:20,980 Twalter, 106 00:04:20,982 --> 00:04:23,320 Twinston, Twallace, 107 00:04:23,322 --> 00:04:24,757 the unfortunately named Twatson, 108 00:04:24,759 --> 00:04:28,100 and the least impressive, Twayne. 109 00:04:28,102 --> 00:04:29,972 Aren't they repulsive? 110 00:04:29,974 --> 00:04:32,044 With twesley boneraper at the helm, 111 00:04:32,046 --> 00:04:34,920 nothing will stop our boys down below. 112 00:04:34,922 --> 00:04:37,661 I didn't know that Twayne's brother is the general... 113 00:04:37,663 --> 00:04:39,733 or that they still make newsreels. 114 00:04:39,735 --> 00:04:43,008 Head cheese whiz and onions? My treat. 115 00:04:43,010 --> 00:04:44,881 What an unprecedented act of generosity. 116 00:04:44,883 --> 00:04:47,689 Okay, that completes the wooing portion of our meeting. 117 00:04:47,691 --> 00:04:49,795 Word on the street is, 118 00:04:49,797 --> 00:04:51,366 you're counseling the general's brother... 119 00:04:51,368 --> 00:04:52,903 on his turd issues. 120 00:04:52,905 --> 00:04:55,344 How the heck would you know that? 121 00:04:55,346 --> 00:04:56,882 Have you been bugging me again? 122 00:04:56,884 --> 00:04:58,486 Damn it! 123 00:04:58,488 --> 00:05:00,391 Listen, Mark, I don't want to be an extra... 124 00:05:00,393 --> 00:05:01,929 in the pre-enactment this year. 125 00:05:01,931 --> 00:05:03,867 I want Twayne to get me a speaking role. 126 00:05:03,869 --> 00:05:05,973 I don't have that kind of pull. 127 00:05:05,975 --> 00:05:08,113 You'll have to audition like everyone else. 128 00:05:08,115 --> 00:05:10,119 I refuse to audition. 129 00:05:10,121 --> 00:05:12,660 I can't go through another casting couch situation. 130 00:05:12,662 --> 00:05:14,933 Get Twayne to sign this contract I drew up. 131 00:05:14,935 --> 00:05:17,841 You took my hot dog, so you are obligated to do this. 132 00:05:17,843 --> 00:05:21,016 It's called a hot dog promise, and it's legally binding, Mark. 133 00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:24,159 Can we discuss this later? Here he comes. 134 00:05:24,161 --> 00:05:25,629 Hey, Twayne. 135 00:05:25,631 --> 00:05:27,000 How are we feeling? 136 00:05:27,002 --> 00:05:28,337 Really backed up. 137 00:05:28,339 --> 00:05:30,844 Could ride down the escalator with me? 138 00:05:30,846 --> 00:05:32,950 It would mean a lot to see a friendly face... 139 00:05:32,952 --> 00:05:35,357 before I get on the bus. 140 00:05:35,359 --> 00:05:37,262 He would be delighted. 141 00:05:37,264 --> 00:05:39,401 Just sign here, and you're good to go. 142 00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:43,212 Huh, turns out I didn't need you at all, roomie. 143 00:05:43,214 --> 00:05:45,519 I'll take the hotdog money out of your sock drawer. 144 00:05:45,521 --> 00:05:47,892 I'm not sure I'm wiping the same way. 145 00:05:47,894 --> 00:05:50,032 Are you supposed to go front to back, 146 00:05:50,034 --> 00:05:51,402 'cause I've been trying side to side, 147 00:05:51,404 --> 00:05:52,873 and that feels wrong. 148 00:05:52,875 --> 00:05:54,043 Look at me. 149 00:05:54,045 --> 00:05:55,681 You are overthinking this. 150 00:05:55,683 --> 00:05:57,519 If everyone weren't judging me all the time, 151 00:05:57,521 --> 00:05:59,425 I'd be a lot more relaxed. 152 00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:00,728 Those are your issues talking. 153 00:06:00,730 --> 00:06:02,199 No one is paying any attention to you. 154 00:06:02,201 --> 00:06:03,269 Trust me. 155 00:06:03,271 --> 00:06:04,807 There he is! 156 00:06:04,809 --> 00:06:07,013 - That's him! - The least impressive! 157 00:06:07,015 --> 00:06:08,618 How does it feel to know you're gonna fail? 158 00:06:08,620 --> 00:06:10,155 Why did you take so long to report? 159 00:06:10,157 --> 00:06:12,260 On the record, Twayne, why are you a coward? 160 00:06:12,262 --> 00:06:13,465 Grr! 161 00:06:13,467 --> 00:06:15,103 Well, well, well. 162 00:06:15,105 --> 00:06:17,576 Look who decided to show up an hour late... 163 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,314 dressed in a female track suit... 164 00:06:19,316 --> 00:06:21,420 with the fugliest slave I've ever seen! 165 00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:24,596 Private boneraper reporting for duty, sir. 166 00:06:24,598 --> 00:06:25,799 I'm sorry. 167 00:06:25,801 --> 00:06:26,969 Did you say "slave"? 168 00:06:28,308 --> 00:06:30,680 Yeah, sorry I kind of tricked you. 169 00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:32,986 They st me this list of stuff to bring. 170 00:06:32,988 --> 00:06:35,025 Get on the bus, maggot! 171 00:06:35,027 --> 00:06:38,368 And into the slave compartment with you, soft body. 172 00:06:38,370 --> 00:06:39,939 I'm gonna take a pass. 173 00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:42,145 Karate chop! 174 00:06:42,147 --> 00:06:44,485 He'll never survive boot camp. 175 00:06:54,567 --> 00:06:57,403 All right, you ass-grabbing clowns. 176 00:06:57,405 --> 00:07:00,573 I've got three weeks to train the ass-grabbing out of you... 177 00:07:00,575 --> 00:07:03,143 before the end of days war pre-enactment! 178 00:07:03,145 --> 00:07:05,045 What do you have to say for yourself? 179 00:07:05,047 --> 00:07:06,381 Here's a list of my favorite foods... 180 00:07:06,383 --> 00:07:08,850 and dietary restrictions, sir! 181 00:07:08,852 --> 00:07:11,120 Now listen here, celebrity. 182 00:07:11,122 --> 00:07:13,088 I don't make no lattes. 183 00:07:13,090 --> 00:07:15,992 We will not leak any sex tapes to the press. 184 00:07:15,994 --> 00:07:20,231 We will rsvp no to diddy's white party. 185 00:07:20,233 --> 00:07:22,099 Is that clear? 186 00:07:22,101 --> 00:07:24,202 Um, I think there's been some sort of grievous error. 187 00:07:24,204 --> 00:07:26,071 I'm not t supposed to be here. 188 00:07:26,073 --> 00:07:27,406 Boneraper! 189 00:07:27,408 --> 00:07:29,843 Your slave just addressed me directly. 190 00:07:29,844 --> 00:07:32,445 Esophagus kick! 191 00:07:38,922 --> 00:07:40,121 No! 192 00:07:40,123 --> 00:07:41,356 That's permanent. 193 00:07:41,358 --> 00:07:42,892 Here's your hunk of bread. 194 00:07:42,894 --> 00:07:45,895 Some water usually puddles on the floor. 195 00:07:45,897 --> 00:07:47,865 Psst, it's piss. 196 00:07:49,767 --> 00:07:51,668 Grimes, how in the hell can they do this to us? 197 00:07:51,670 --> 00:07:54,472 Last year, we led the human resistance to victory. 198 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:55,874 This year, we're slaves. 199 00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,109 What part don't you get? 200 00:07:57,111 --> 00:07:58,844 Uh, all of it. 201 00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:00,479 Hey, man, don't talk to me. 202 00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:01,681 Talk to your master. 203 00:08:01,683 --> 00:08:04,284 You mean Twayne. 204 00:08:04,286 --> 00:08:06,921 And when do I get to talk to him again? 205 00:08:06,923 --> 00:08:08,990 Never. It's punishable by death. 206 00:08:11,728 --> 00:08:12,995 Mm, that's good. 207 00:08:14,697 --> 00:08:16,432 Once the humans are subjugated, 208 00:08:16,434 --> 00:08:18,468 we will have to win the hearts and minds... 209 00:08:18,470 --> 00:08:19,737 of the survivors... 210 00:08:19,739 --> 00:08:22,406 whether they like it or not. 211 00:08:22,408 --> 00:08:23,641 Thank you, sir. 212 00:08:23,643 --> 00:08:24,843 May I have another? 213 00:08:24,845 --> 00:08:26,945 You got it, slave. 214 00:08:26,947 --> 00:08:29,849 Twayne, I know I am risking my life, 215 00:08:29,851 --> 00:08:32,552 but I advised you as a therapist. 216 00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:35,489 Forced enslavement isn't a healthy response. 217 00:08:35,491 --> 00:08:37,057 I agree. 218 00:08:37,059 --> 00:08:38,493 I'm going awol on the count of three. 219 00:08:38,495 --> 00:08:40,028 One, two... 220 00:08:41,464 --> 00:08:43,933 Are you teaching your slave to count? 221 00:08:46,871 --> 00:08:48,271 In Satan's dark army, 222 00:08:48,273 --> 00:08:51,007 it is supremely important to stay regular. 223 00:08:52,544 --> 00:08:56,280 Loose but classic. 224 00:08:56,282 --> 00:08:59,184 Why in Satan's name is a soldier's bowel movement... 225 00:08:59,186 --> 00:09:01,588 of any interest to your superior officers? 226 00:09:01,590 --> 00:09:03,556 I don't know, but quick, give me a baby Ruth. 227 00:09:03,558 --> 00:09:04,824 Huh? 228 00:09:04,826 --> 00:09:06,460 Boneraper! 229 00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:07,962 Where the hell is your turd? 230 00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,530 Still in my tummy, sir! 231 00:09:09,532 --> 00:09:13,068 Private, drop me a fat, steaming log right now. 232 00:09:17,642 --> 00:09:19,743 Tell me you're at least crowning. 233 00:09:19,745 --> 00:09:21,044 That's it. 234 00:09:21,046 --> 00:09:22,813 He has some bowel withholding issues. 235 00:09:22,815 --> 00:09:24,983 I demand to speak to your director of social services. 236 00:09:24,985 --> 00:09:26,851 Absolutely. 237 00:09:26,853 --> 00:09:30,789 Step into his office. 238 00:09:32,158 --> 00:09:35,328 I see what's going on here. 239 00:09:35,330 --> 00:09:37,097 I must warn you. 240 00:09:37,099 --> 00:09:40,034 I've made frequent use of the pull-up bar at the ymca. 241 00:09:42,205 --> 00:09:44,072 Boot stomping! 242 00:09:44,074 --> 00:09:45,607 Enough. 243 00:09:49,546 --> 00:09:51,247 Atten-hut! 244 00:09:51,249 --> 00:09:52,650 General in the [Bleep]Er. 245 00:09:54,285 --> 00:09:56,321 Well selected, brother. 246 00:09:56,323 --> 00:10:00,760 Your slave has exquisite ass hands. 247 00:10:04,899 --> 00:10:07,067 Get on your feet, ass bearer! 248 00:10:07,069 --> 00:10:08,101 Wha... where am I? 249 00:10:08,103 --> 00:10:09,837 Get his ass in the air. 250 00:10:09,839 --> 00:10:11,039 You're gonna get us in trouble. 251 00:10:11,041 --> 00:10:14,510 What is the holdup down there? 252 00:10:24,723 --> 00:10:27,224 Gently, ass bearer. 253 00:10:27,226 --> 00:10:28,960 Gently. 254 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,862 He's good, very good. 255 00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,731 Maybe the best I've ever seen. 256 00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:34,434 General, nice to see you. 257 00:10:34,436 --> 00:10:37,971 Less than 48 hours to the end of days pre-enactment. 258 00:10:37,973 --> 00:10:39,406 Let's get started. 259 00:10:39,408 --> 00:10:41,241 Shall we? 260 00:10:41,243 --> 00:10:43,111 Huh? 261 00:10:43,113 --> 00:10:45,046 Randall, thank God. 262 00:10:45,048 --> 00:10:46,716 Did you get my s.O.S.? 263 00:10:46,718 --> 00:10:48,884 I traded my shoes to get it out through the underground. 264 00:10:48,886 --> 00:10:49,885 Oh, no, I got it. 265 00:10:49,887 --> 00:10:51,288 I threw it in the garbage, 266 00:10:51,290 --> 00:10:53,123 the way you tossed away my hot dog promise. 267 00:10:53,125 --> 00:10:54,558 Will you let that go? 268 00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:56,260 You'll be carried in over here. 269 00:10:56,262 --> 00:10:59,464 Royal port-a-potty will be waiting over here. 270 00:10:59,466 --> 00:11:02,134 And who's our luck ass hands this year? 271 00:11:02,136 --> 00:11:03,602 This one here. 272 00:11:03,604 --> 00:11:05,505 Wunderbar. 273 00:11:05,507 --> 00:11:07,941 You will lower the general's ass gently over here, 274 00:11:07,943 --> 00:11:09,577 cupping it all the way up the red carpet... 275 00:11:09,579 --> 00:11:11,178 to the port-a-potty. 276 00:11:11,180 --> 00:11:14,483 I have no idea what any of this means. 277 00:11:14,485 --> 00:11:15,851 Port-a-potty? 278 00:11:15,853 --> 00:11:18,286 Get your hands off my slave! 279 00:11:21,025 --> 00:11:22,959 Okay. Whoa, steady! 280 00:11:22,961 --> 00:11:23,994 I can do this. 281 00:11:23,996 --> 00:11:25,763 The ass bearer has escaped. 282 00:11:25,765 --> 00:11:27,531 The ass bearer has escaped. 283 00:11:27,533 --> 00:11:29,033 Ah! 284 00:11:29,035 --> 00:11:31,970 Whoa! 285 00:11:31,972 --> 00:11:34,940 My brother will pay for this. 286 00:11:34,942 --> 00:11:36,809 Are you talking about me? 287 00:11:36,811 --> 00:11:39,346 Of course I am, the least impressive one. 288 00:11:39,348 --> 00:11:40,447 Ahh! 289 00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:47,877 As punishment for losing your slave, 290 00:11:47,879 --> 00:11:53,052 you have been sentenced to death by genital stinging. 291 00:11:53,054 --> 00:11:54,354 Release the bees. 292 00:11:54,356 --> 00:11:56,290 A few good bees. 293 00:11:56,292 --> 00:11:57,526 Wait! 294 00:11:57,528 --> 00:12:00,230 The ass bearer has returned. 295 00:12:00,232 --> 00:12:02,033 More like "ass betrayer." 296 00:12:02,035 --> 00:12:03,636 Seize him! 297 00:12:03,638 --> 00:12:06,608 You've abandoned us for the last time. 298 00:12:06,610 --> 00:12:08,577 I didn't abandon you. 299 00:12:08,579 --> 00:12:10,513 Your father did! 300 00:12:11,651 --> 00:12:13,352 The boneraper anal fixation... 301 00:12:13,354 --> 00:12:16,724 is directly connected to massive abandonment issues. 302 00:12:16,726 --> 00:12:20,664 Gentlemen, I present your father, 303 00:12:20,666 --> 00:12:22,500 Scott. 304 00:12:22,502 --> 00:12:23,769 Daddy's home! 305 00:12:23,771 --> 00:12:26,006 Hello, children. 306 00:12:26,008 --> 00:12:29,178 You're looking... You both look well. 307 00:12:29,180 --> 00:12:30,714 By jove! 308 00:12:30,716 --> 00:12:33,351 Something wonderful is happening. 309 00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:34,720 It's gonna be a gusher. 310 00:12:35,858 --> 00:12:37,191 False alarm. 311 00:12:37,193 --> 00:12:38,394 It's crawling back up. 312 00:12:38,396 --> 00:12:39,695 Oh, drat. 313 00:12:39,697 --> 00:12:41,364 Now you've scared mine off. 314 00:12:41,366 --> 00:12:43,502 Give them some encouragement. 315 00:12:43,504 --> 00:12:45,104 But I don't know what to say. 316 00:12:45,106 --> 00:12:47,007 This is such a weird situation. 317 00:12:47,009 --> 00:12:49,912 You're doing fine, children. 318 00:12:49,914 --> 00:12:53,451 Uh, I can smell it from here. 319 00:12:53,453 --> 00:12:57,191 In all my 70 years, I've never been happier! 320 00:12:58,361 --> 00:12:59,929 Why didn't I wear a condom? 321 00:13:01,099 --> 00:13:02,566 Now if you'll excuse me. 322 00:13:02,568 --> 00:13:06,073 I'm going to my cell to get some sleep. 323 00:13:06,075 --> 00:13:08,142 Total waste of a hot dog. 324 00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:11,614 Mark! 325 00:13:11,616 --> 00:13:13,652 I did it! 326 00:13:13,654 --> 00:13:15,755 Why are you covered in blood? 327 00:13:15,757 --> 00:13:18,560 I've murdered my brother and claimed my rightful place... 328 00:13:18,562 --> 00:13:21,331 as general of Satan's dark army. 329 00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:22,867 Good cricket. 330 00:13:22,869 --> 00:13:24,336 I've created a monster. 331 00:13:24,338 --> 00:13:27,541 A monster who can poop and behead like a big boy. 332 00:13:27,543 --> 00:13:31,380 I want you to have this as a token of my appreciation. 333 00:13:31,382 --> 00:13:33,551 All hail boneraper! 334 00:13:33,553 --> 00:13:35,821 All hail boneraper! 335 00:13:35,823 --> 00:13:37,891 All hail boneraper! 336 00:13:37,893 --> 00:13:40,028 All hail boneraper! 337 00:13:40,030 --> 00:13:42,733 My brother died as he lived, 338 00:13:42,735 --> 00:13:45,170 angry, bitter, and full of hate. 339 00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:48,342 He's gone now, and we must carry on... 340 00:13:48,344 --> 00:13:50,813 as he would have wanted. 341 00:13:50,815 --> 00:13:52,983 Release crow in parentheses. 342 00:13:57,526 --> 00:14:00,529 Tomorrow we invade earth and accomplish... 343 00:14:03,235 --> 00:14:06,739 The complete destruction of humanity! 344 00:14:11,348 --> 00:14:14,418 They have nukes in a pre-enactment? 345 00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:15,854 Ahh! 346 00:14:19,662 --> 00:14:22,064 My God, it's happening! 347 00:14:22,066 --> 00:14:24,435 The end of the world! 348 00:14:24,437 --> 00:14:26,104 Ahh, no! 349 00:14:26,106 --> 00:14:27,240 Don't eat at! 350 00:14:27,242 --> 00:14:29,710 Ow, ow! 351 00:14:29,712 --> 00:14:31,179 General boneraper, 352 00:14:31,181 --> 00:14:32,782 I'm pleased to report that all troops... 353 00:14:32,784 --> 00:14:34,919 loyal to your brother have been completely wiped out. 354 00:14:34,921 --> 00:14:36,722 My allegiance is with you, sir. 355 00:14:36,724 --> 00:14:38,925 Lead me to my bath. 356 00:14:39,929 --> 00:14:41,563 Slave! 357 00:14:42,868 --> 00:14:44,134 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 358 00:14:44,136 --> 00:14:45,670 What do I do now? 359 00:14:45,672 --> 00:14:46,838 I've never been so empty. 360 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:48,074 Am I dying? 361 00:14:48,076 --> 00:14:49,109 How do you make poop? 362 00:14:49,111 --> 00:14:50,578 You did this to me. 363 00:14:50,580 --> 00:14:51,814 Do you just wait? 364 00:14:51,816 --> 00:14:54,084 I'm in uncharted waters here. 365 00:14:54,086 --> 00:14:56,755 If you could just bear with me, 366 00:14:56,757 --> 00:14:58,258 last time I was conscious, 367 00:14:58,260 --> 00:14:59,560 I thought we were in a good place... 368 00:14:59,562 --> 00:15:01,196 with your family issues. 369 00:15:01,198 --> 00:15:04,902 The fratricide/ military coup development... 370 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,170 seems like a step back. 371 00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:07,573 Of course you'd think that. 372 00:15:07,575 --> 00:15:08,909 You don't know the full story. 373 00:15:08,911 --> 00:15:11,212 Let's start at the beginning. 374 00:15:11,214 --> 00:15:16,721 It turns out, the poop was blocking an old memory. 375 00:15:16,723 --> 00:15:19,226 Months after I was bor... 376 00:15:19,228 --> 00:15:21,729 I had missed out on feeding time. 377 00:15:21,731 --> 00:15:25,035 So I had to find something else to satisfy my hunger. 378 00:15:25,037 --> 00:15:26,704 Twilliam was the first. 379 00:15:26,106 --> 00:15:28,275 He was the biggest. 380 00:15:28,577 --> 00:15:31,980 So I needed to catch him by surprise. 381 00:15:31,982 --> 00:15:37,523 After my first kill, the others were easy, 382 00:15:37,525 --> 00:15:41,162 especially poor Twatson, who welcomed death. 383 00:15:42,766 --> 00:15:46,203 As I w about to finish out the litter, 384 00:15:46,205 --> 00:15:49,342 that'when daddy Scott abandoned me. 385 00:15:49,344 --> 00:15:50,344 Huh? 386 00:15:50,346 --> 00:15:51,579 Poppy? 387 00:15:51,581 --> 00:15:53,215 Need a pack of smokes. 388 00:15:53,217 --> 00:15:54,418 Be back in a pip. 389 00:15:58,794 --> 00:16:00,828 I don't want to offend you any further. 390 00:16:00,830 --> 00:16:04,100 But it sounds like maybe daddy Scott... 391 00:16:04,102 --> 00:16:05,636 was fleeing for his life. 392 00:16:05,638 --> 00:16:09,509 Oh, you're an amazing therapist. 393 00:16:09,511 --> 00:16:11,079 I'll die without you, 394 00:16:11,081 --> 00:16:13,048 and you'll die if you ever leave my side. 395 00:16:13,050 --> 00:16:15,920 Let the apocalypse begin! 396 00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:22,597 Pull! Pull! 397 00:16:24,035 --> 00:16:25,135 Pull! 398 00:16:27,874 --> 00:16:29,909 Oh, my God, no! 399 00:16:29,911 --> 00:16:30,945 Lookee there. 400 00:16:30,947 --> 00:16:33,548 He sawed off his own arm. 401 00:16:33,550 --> 00:16:36,487 Only in New York. 402 00:16:36,489 --> 00:16:38,557 Okay, let's walk through the ceremony one more time. 403 00:16:38,559 --> 00:16:40,894 The humans realize that the pre-enactment is real... 404 00:16:40,896 --> 00:16:42,330 and will try to escape in vain. 405 00:16:42,332 --> 00:16:43,432 What? 406 00:16:43,434 --> 00:16:45,435 And, Twayne, 407 00:16:45,437 --> 00:16:46,971 the ball is actually a nuke. 408 00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:48,640 And after it drops... 409 00:16:48,642 --> 00:16:52,680 I press the button, killing every last filthy human. 410 00:16:52,682 --> 00:16:53,883 Ooh! 411 00:16:53,885 --> 00:16:57,021 Sounds like we're good to go. 412 00:16:57,023 --> 00:16:58,590 Callie, honey, 413 00:16:58,592 --> 00:17:00,426 we have to get out of here. 414 00:17:00,428 --> 00:17:03,431 You have 15 minutes before I'm forced to eat you, 415 00:17:03,433 --> 00:17:05,535 the awkward ending to the relationship... 416 00:17:05,537 --> 00:17:07,437 I think we've both always feared. 417 00:17:08,642 --> 00:17:10,777 Oh, thank God. 418 00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:12,213 Finally someone will believe me. 419 00:17:12,215 --> 00:17:13,916 You were right all along! 420 00:17:13,918 --> 00:17:15,752 The end is near. 421 00:17:21,496 --> 00:17:22,729 Oh, God. Oh, my God. 422 00:17:22,731 --> 00:17:25,401 Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God. 423 00:17:26,939 --> 00:17:28,606 Help! They're coming! 424 00:17:28,608 --> 00:17:30,242 The apocalypse is here! 425 00:17:30,244 --> 00:17:32,046 It's really the end of the world. 426 00:17:32,048 --> 00:17:35,051 Come with me if you want to live. 427 00:17:35,053 --> 00:17:37,921 Humanity rests on your shoulders, Lilly. 428 00:17:37,923 --> 00:17:39,557 You created this monster. 429 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,328 Now you must destroy him. 430 00:17:42,396 --> 00:17:45,100 Mark, I want this shave close. 431 00:17:45,102 --> 00:17:46,469 The lights are going to be bright, 432 00:17:46,471 --> 00:17:49,808 and those are hd cameras. 433 00:17:54,550 --> 00:17:55,985 Sayonara, boneraper. 434 00:17:57,322 --> 00:17:58,389 Oh, my God! 435 00:17:59,627 --> 00:18:01,961 Please tell me that's hot wax. 436 00:18:01,963 --> 00:18:03,430 Mark? 437 00:18:03,432 --> 00:18:05,433 That was an attempt on your life, sir. 438 00:18:05,435 --> 00:18:07,304 Permission to take the slave out? 439 00:18:07,306 --> 00:18:10,442 Abandoned again. 440 00:18:10,444 --> 00:18:12,512 Permission granted. 441 00:18:12,514 --> 00:18:16,318 Bring me my fancy battle pants. 442 00:18:18,577 --> 00:18:19,977 Welcome to the end of days. 443 00:18:19,979 --> 00:18:22,111 I'd like to thank mayor bloomberg... 444 00:18:22,113 --> 00:18:25,312 for being so hospitable. 445 00:18:25,314 --> 00:18:27,881 He says, "you're welcome." 446 00:18:27,883 --> 00:18:32,116 I'd also like to say hello to my demonic bride to be. 447 00:18:32,118 --> 00:18:33,450 Hi, honey. 448 00:18:33,452 --> 00:18:36,151 Mm, my first Croatian. 449 00:18:36,153 --> 00:18:37,686 Oh, it tastes like serbian. 450 00:18:37,688 --> 00:18:41,354 And lastly, to my dear beloved father, 451 00:18:41,356 --> 00:18:43,521 I forgive you, daddy Scott. 452 00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:45,089 No, no, no! 453 00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:49,791 Now let's drop the ball and count down... 454 00:18:49,793 --> 00:18:51,992 to the end of days. 455 00:18:54,295 --> 00:18:59,262 And farewell, general Twayne boneraper. 456 00:18:59,264 --> 00:19:02,129 Ten, nine, eight... 457 00:19:02,131 --> 00:19:04,831 I dare say... 458 00:19:04,833 --> 00:19:06,799 I hardly knew ye. 459 00:19:06,801 --> 00:19:09,766 Six, five, four, 460 00:19:09,768 --> 00:19:12,967 three, two, one! 461 00:19:12,969 --> 00:19:14,802 Aim for his heart, Lilly. 462 00:19:15,938 --> 00:19:17,537 Ow, somebody shot my ear! 463 00:19:17,539 --> 00:19:19,104 Somebody shot my ear! 464 00:19:19,106 --> 00:19:20,971 Who the hell is using live ammunition? 465 00:19:20,973 --> 00:19:23,139 This ass[Bleep] Up here! 466 00:19:27,476 --> 00:19:30,009 Worst pre-enactment ever. 467 00:19:30,011 --> 00:19:32,510 I'm distancing myself from this mess. 468 00:19:32,512 --> 00:19:35,178 I knew he'd try something stupid. 469 00:19:36,448 --> 00:19:37,879 Be brave, be brave. 470 00:19:37,881 --> 00:19:38,946 Whoo! 471 00:19:38,948 --> 00:19:41,381 I'm never pooping again. 472 00:19:41,383 --> 00:19:44,348 Why would you bring a real gun to the pre-enactment? 473 00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:47,584 Everyone else was using marshmallow bullets. 474 00:19:47,586 --> 00:19:49,818 I don't see how a person is supposed to know... 475 00:19:49,820 --> 00:19:51,019 something like that, but... 476 00:19:51,021 --> 00:19:52,753 It's all in the script. 477 00:19:52,755 --> 00:19:54,854 If you'd bother showing up for the table read, 478 00:19:54,856 --> 00:19:55,787 maybe you'd know. 479 00:19:56,924 --> 00:19:58,189 It's right here. 480 00:19:58,191 --> 00:20:00,256 "Humanity rests on your shoulders. 481 00:20:00,258 --> 00:20:02,257 "You created this monster. 482 00:20:02,259 --> 00:20:04,158 Now you must destroy him." 483 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:05,559 Then you say your line. 484 00:20:05,561 --> 00:20:08,060 "What separates us from the demons... 485 00:20:08,062 --> 00:20:12,662 if not our ability to control ourselves?"... 486 00:20:12,664 --> 00:20:14,262 But I never said that. 487 00:20:14,264 --> 00:20:15,363 Exactly. 488 00:20:15,365 --> 00:20:17,697 You missed every [Bleep] Line. 489 00:20:17,699 --> 00:20:19,698 What are you doing alive, anyway? 490 00:20:19,700 --> 00:20:21,365 I saw your head explode. 491 00:20:21,367 --> 00:20:22,834 Old party trick. 492 00:20:22,836 --> 00:20:24,834 All you need is a papier-mache head, 493 00:20:24,836 --> 00:20:27,602 a hand pump, and really strong neck muscles. 494 00:20:27,604 --> 00:20:30,170 Watch. 495 00:20:30,172 --> 00:20:31,370 Ugh. 496 00:20:31,372 --> 00:20:32,604 Oh, I pulled my jugular. 497 00:20:34,172 --> 00:20:37,407 Being the most hated man in New York... 498 00:20:37,409 --> 00:20:40,842 gives you a new perspective on life. 499 00:20:40,844 --> 00:20:43,876 You seek out peace and quiet. 500 00:20:43,878 --> 00:20:46,711 So what do you want for lunch? 501 00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:49,312 What do you want for lunch? 502 00:20:49,314 --> 00:20:51,113 Lunch! 503 00:20:51,115 --> 00:20:53,380 And you're comforted by the fact... 504 00:20:53,382 --> 00:20:55,582 that time heals all wounds. 505 00:20:57,151 --> 00:20:58,883 But you also realize, 506 00:20:58,885 --> 00:21:02,918 why throw away a perfectly good lady's ankle gun?