1 00:00:05,822 --> 00:00:07,920 They say to keep your friends close, 2 00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:10,122 and your enemies closer. 3 00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:14,569 Don't go anywhere, beautiful. 4 00:00:16,882 --> 00:00:18,362 Wait... what? 5 00:00:18,972 --> 00:00:20,487 Who the hell are you? 6 00:00:20,607 --> 00:00:21,872 Your clone, bitch. 7 00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:27,075 I can't believe I've got knocked out by... a glove. 8 00:00:27,195 --> 00:00:29,465 But there's no advice for what to do 9 00:00:29,585 --> 00:00:31,919 when your friends are enemies. 10 00:00:32,039 --> 00:00:34,662 Sorry Mark, but you're a terrible bowler. 11 00:00:34,782 --> 00:00:37,483 And I refuse to lose Friday's tournament. 12 00:00:37,882 --> 00:00:38,997 Put him in the closet. 13 00:00:39,117 --> 00:00:42,168 In those cases, maybe it's best to start looking... 14 00:00:42,391 --> 00:00:43,613 ...For some new friends. 15 00:00:43,733 --> 00:00:49,002 Sync by mczolly www.addic7ed.com 16 00:00:49,743 --> 00:00:52,175 Cleaning my eyeball in the sink. 17 00:00:52,295 --> 00:00:55,980 How many times did I ask you not to do that in the kitchen sink, 18 00:00:56,100 --> 00:00:58,842 or frankly anywhere in the apartment. 19 00:00:59,077 --> 00:01:00,228 Ah, 14 times. 20 00:01:00,348 --> 00:01:02,541 Including your request last Thursday when you said "nevermind". 21 00:01:02,661 --> 00:01:04,361 And negated all other requests. 22 00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:07,926 But... let's backup for a second and talk about your hair. 23 00:01:08,046 --> 00:01:09,338 You've got a problem with my hair? 24 00:01:09,458 --> 00:01:12,363 Well... it's just looks like you headbutted Big Bird vaj 25 00:01:12,483 --> 00:01:14,723 with, like, glue on your head or something. I mean... 26 00:01:14,843 --> 00:01:16,744 did you even think about just getting frosted tips 27 00:01:16,864 --> 00:01:18,623 and then easing your way into the gayness. 28 00:01:18,988 --> 00:01:20,688 It's visually jarheard. 29 00:01:20,808 --> 00:01:22,898 That better not be my toothbrush. 30 00:01:23,018 --> 00:01:24,382 That's absolutely your toothbrush. 31 00:01:24,502 --> 00:01:26,432 It's great for getting rid of plaque build-up. 32 00:01:26,552 --> 00:01:28,652 You know I can't afford rich technologies. 33 00:01:29,434 --> 00:01:31,571 You've got something else to say to me, funny man? 34 00:01:31,691 --> 00:01:33,778 Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! 35 00:01:33,898 --> 00:01:36,603 You're acting out, because you have massive authority issues. 36 00:01:36,723 --> 00:01:39,339 But you're not gonna project them onto me anymore. 37 00:01:39,459 --> 00:01:41,483 - Is that clear? - Yes, sir. 38 00:01:41,603 --> 00:01:43,343 Got anything else to say about my hair? 39 00:01:43,463 --> 00:01:44,165 No, no! 40 00:01:44,447 --> 00:01:45,445 It's glorious. 41 00:01:45,565 --> 00:01:48,457 You look like the "Saved By the Bell" actor Mark-Paul Gosselaar. 42 00:01:48,577 --> 00:01:50,970 You're damn right. Oh, one more thing. 43 00:01:51,252 --> 00:01:54,176 Stay out of my bedroom. 44 00:01:54,997 --> 00:01:57,322 I could get me one of those gloves. 45 00:01:59,367 --> 00:02:02,750 Well, well, well. If it isn't the 7-10 slug. 46 00:02:02,870 --> 00:02:06,407 Raul and I are gonna hand you your asses this Friday, bowling style. 47 00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:07,861 Then we'll make fun of you and Lilly 48 00:02:07,863 --> 00:02:09,529 over beer and stale pretzels. 49 00:02:09,531 --> 00:02:11,031 We'll see about that, Grimes. 50 00:02:11,033 --> 00:02:12,933 Mark's game has really come up... 51 00:02:12,935 --> 00:02:15,402 In a completely nonsuspicious way. 52 00:02:15,404 --> 00:02:18,438 Please, Lilly can barely pick up a bowling ball 53 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:20,040 much less roll one. 54 00:02:20,042 --> 00:02:21,908 What I'm saying is, he's a pussy. 55 00:02:21,910 --> 00:02:23,443 Yeah, I got it. 56 00:02:23,445 --> 00:02:25,612 Who cares about a stupid bowling tournament? 57 00:02:25,614 --> 00:02:28,548 Twayne hired a new assistant to shake things up. 58 00:02:28,550 --> 00:02:31,284 My useless job is in danger. 59 00:02:31,286 --> 00:02:33,687 None of us are going anywhere, Leonard. 60 00:02:33,689 --> 00:02:35,756 Twayne just likes swinging his weight around 61 00:02:35,758 --> 00:02:37,124 so he can feel important. 62 00:02:37,126 --> 00:02:38,759 Just to be safe, 63 00:02:38,761 --> 00:02:41,495 it's time to step up my ass-kissing regimen. 64 00:02:41,497 --> 00:02:46,199 Callie, does Twayne prefer Swedish or shiatsu? 65 00:02:46,201 --> 00:02:47,934 Everyone, I'd like to introduce 66 00:02:47,936 --> 00:02:49,503 my new assistant-in-training, Tad. 67 00:02:49,505 --> 00:02:51,772 Tad will be doing my dirty work 68 00:02:51,774 --> 00:02:54,941 so I can keep my distance and still seem like a nice guy. 69 00:02:54,943 --> 00:02:56,510 Thank you. 70 00:02:56,512 --> 00:02:59,446 Our data shows that a certain fire-crotch halfy 71 00:02:59,448 --> 00:03:00,714 who shall remain nameless... 72 00:03:00,716 --> 00:03:02,215 Callie... 73 00:03:02,217 --> 00:03:03,917 excuse me. 74 00:03:03,919 --> 00:03:06,686 Callie has been sabotaging Twayne's authority. 75 00:03:06,688 --> 00:03:09,122 Well, children, those days are gone. 76 00:03:09,124 --> 00:03:13,193 As of right now, Callie is demoted to sub-basement 37: 77 00:03:13,195 --> 00:03:14,661 Useless data entry. 78 00:03:14,663 --> 00:03:16,129 That's bullcrap! 79 00:03:16,131 --> 00:03:18,398 Data entry is for interns and the handicapped. 80 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:19,699 Twayne. 81 00:03:19,701 --> 00:03:21,401 - Um... - Shh. 82 00:03:21,403 --> 00:03:22,837 Ugh. 83 00:03:22,839 --> 00:03:24,138 Bye, Callie. 84 00:03:24,140 --> 00:03:25,706 No hard feelings, 'kay? 85 00:03:25,708 --> 00:03:27,575 Don't apologize to her. 86 00:03:27,577 --> 00:03:29,043 She's dead now. 87 00:03:29,045 --> 00:03:30,378 I'm your new yes-man. 88 00:03:30,380 --> 00:03:32,480 Ha-ha. You're the man, Tad. 89 00:03:32,482 --> 00:03:34,382 I mean, yes-man. 90 00:03:34,384 --> 00:03:36,384 Okay, that was me. I deserved that. 91 00:03:36,386 --> 00:03:37,819 I want you to write something down: 92 00:03:37,821 --> 00:03:40,221 Never kiss the ass of an ass-kisser. 93 00:03:40,223 --> 00:03:42,723 Now, where's Mark Lilly? 94 00:03:42,725 --> 00:03:44,325 I've been here the whole time. 95 00:03:44,327 --> 00:03:45,593 You got something to say to me? 96 00:03:45,595 --> 00:03:47,662 Your department is a farce. 97 00:03:47,664 --> 00:03:50,998 I'm slashing your operating budget by 80%. 98 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:52,067 Just fire him. 99 00:03:52,069 --> 00:03:53,435 He's of no use to the department. 100 00:03:53,437 --> 00:03:55,637 I... Really sorry. 101 00:03:55,639 --> 00:03:58,473 Stabbing you in the throat is the key to my survival, 102 00:03:58,475 --> 00:04:00,508 and for the record, hate the hair. 103 00:04:00,510 --> 00:04:03,344 Listen to me, wizard man, you have two options. 104 00:04:03,346 --> 00:04:05,346 One, I stab this shard so deep in your neck 105 00:04:05,348 --> 00:04:07,382 that no amount of magic will save you, 106 00:04:07,384 --> 00:04:10,518 or two, you hightail your ass out of this building 107 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:12,487 and never come back. 108 00:04:12,489 --> 00:04:14,422 Number two. Number two. 109 00:04:14,424 --> 00:04:17,125 I'll be free of this useless job once and for all. 110 00:04:17,127 --> 00:04:20,161 I'll finally make good on my lifelong dream. 111 00:04:20,163 --> 00:04:23,565 Have I ever told you guys my dream to be a... 112 00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:24,899 Matador. 113 00:04:24,901 --> 00:04:27,001 Oh, so I've told you. 114 00:04:28,472 --> 00:04:29,871 Tough. 115 00:04:29,873 --> 00:04:31,606 I like a man who can take charge. 116 00:04:31,608 --> 00:04:34,042 Maybe we could find a new position for you here, 117 00:04:34,044 --> 00:04:37,045 or at least a use for that mouth of yours. 118 00:04:38,515 --> 00:04:39,948 I'll be in my office. 119 00:04:39,950 --> 00:04:41,983 No calls. 120 00:04:45,422 --> 00:04:47,655 Blonds do have more fun. 121 00:04:49,425 --> 00:04:51,126 Wow, you're a great bowler, 122 00:04:51,128 --> 00:04:53,094 and you know how to handle a whip? 123 00:04:53,096 --> 00:04:56,164 Do you know that Mark never even offered to torture me? 124 00:04:56,166 --> 00:04:57,432 Not once. 125 00:04:57,434 --> 00:04:59,701 - Hah! Hah! - Ouch. 126 00:04:59,703 --> 00:05:01,936 Ahh, it hurts. 127 00:05:01,938 --> 00:05:03,371 What's wrong? 128 00:05:03,373 --> 00:05:04,539 I thought that's how you like it. 129 00:05:04,541 --> 00:05:06,207 It is. 130 00:05:06,209 --> 00:05:07,542 It's just that Tad's an ass. 131 00:05:07,544 --> 00:05:08,977 I wish he was dead. 132 00:05:08,979 --> 00:05:11,546 Demoting me to data entry. 133 00:05:11,548 --> 00:05:13,615 Do you know how boring that is? 134 00:05:13,617 --> 00:05:15,617 First, you have to comb through T.P.S. reports 135 00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:17,886 and find numerical values higher than four but less than... 136 00:05:17,888 --> 00:05:19,287 oh, oh, oh. 137 00:05:19,289 --> 00:05:20,722 Hah! Hah! 138 00:05:20,724 --> 00:05:23,791 Less talking, more effing. 139 00:05:23,793 --> 00:05:25,360 Intesting. 140 00:05:25,362 --> 00:05:29,097 Mark's no swearing rule is literally in his DNA. 141 00:05:29,099 --> 00:05:31,032 Callie, is that you? 142 00:05:31,034 --> 00:05:32,433 It's not me out there. 143 00:05:32,435 --> 00:05:33,601 It's not me. 144 00:05:33,603 --> 00:05:34,936 Are you there? 145 00:05:34,938 --> 00:05:36,437 Oh, yeah. 146 00:05:36,439 --> 00:05:38,039 You're being deceived by a clone. 147 00:05:38,041 --> 00:05:39,474 He's blond. 148 00:05:39,476 --> 00:05:41,276 You know I'd never go blond, right? 149 00:05:41,278 --> 00:05:43,011 Oh, yes, Mark! 150 00:05:43,013 --> 00:05:44,379 Yes, Mark! 151 00:05:44,381 --> 00:05:46,915 Oh, hot potato. 152 00:05:48,551 --> 00:05:50,852 Maybe teacher runs fever. 153 00:05:50,854 --> 00:05:52,521 Maybe the elevator's stuck. 154 00:05:56,126 --> 00:05:59,128 All right, settle down, doo-doo birds. 155 00:05:59,130 --> 00:06:01,430 I'm not in the mood for your crap. 156 00:06:01,432 --> 00:06:04,567 Teacher's hair look like Barbie doll. 157 00:06:04,569 --> 00:06:06,168 Any questions? 158 00:06:06,170 --> 00:06:08,370 Not while you still have that glove. 159 00:06:16,147 --> 00:06:18,914 Starting today, I want all of you to think of this 160 00:06:18,916 --> 00:06:22,284 less as group therapy and more as a fight club. 161 00:06:22,286 --> 00:06:24,620 You can't bowl if you're out of shape. 162 00:06:24,622 --> 00:06:26,222 You two, you're up, 163 00:06:26,224 --> 00:06:28,257 and don't stop until one of you taps out. 164 00:06:28,259 --> 00:06:29,758 Now! On your feet. 165 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:32,127 Let's go. 166 00:06:32,129 --> 00:06:34,230 I don't want to hurt you. 167 00:06:34,232 --> 00:06:35,497 I take no pleasure in this. 168 00:06:35,499 --> 00:06:37,833 Uhh...Ahh! 169 00:06:37,835 --> 00:06:41,337 It is good to be the king...Pin. 170 00:06:41,339 --> 00:06:43,372 Get it? It's a bowling pun. 171 00:06:43,374 --> 00:06:45,241 Hmm, he puns like Lilly, 172 00:06:45,243 --> 00:06:48,043 but something's definitely different about him. 173 00:06:48,045 --> 00:06:50,079 His pussy factor seems to have decreased 174 00:06:50,081 --> 00:06:51,981 by at least 30%. 175 00:06:54,618 --> 00:06:56,218 Class full of wimp 176 00:06:56,220 --> 00:06:58,520 should fail them all. 177 00:06:58,522 --> 00:07:01,590 Step into my office, Mr. Lilly. 178 00:07:01,592 --> 00:07:04,260 Close the door behind you. 179 00:07:04,262 --> 00:07:06,095 You work out of the bathroom? 180 00:07:06,097 --> 00:07:08,764 I'm more efficient if I can Where I work, 181 00:07:08,766 --> 00:07:10,532 if you know what I mean. 182 00:07:10,534 --> 00:07:12,067 You know what these are, Lilly? 183 00:07:12,069 --> 00:07:13,669 Requests for time off. 184 00:07:13,671 --> 00:07:15,537 We have a big bowling tournament Friday. 185 00:07:15,539 --> 00:07:17,273 Yes, I've heard. 186 00:07:17,275 --> 00:07:19,241 It's too bad I'll be denying the requests, 187 00:07:19,243 --> 00:07:23,112 unless, of course, you can convince me otherwise. 188 00:07:23,114 --> 00:07:26,915 Meet me here at 8:00 P.M. sharp, and bring your mouth. 189 00:07:26,917 --> 00:07:28,284 Hello, Tad? 190 00:07:28,286 --> 00:07:29,818 Tad, is that you? 191 00:07:29,820 --> 00:07:32,254 Oh, Jesus, I ass-dialed again. 192 00:07:32,256 --> 00:07:35,291 Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to take a dump. 193 00:07:35,293 --> 00:07:36,825 Oh. 194 00:07:38,561 --> 00:07:42,531 Callie, we have a bowling league crisis, def-con 4. 195 00:07:42,533 --> 00:07:43,966 Callie. 196 00:07:43,968 --> 00:07:46,068 Shut up. I'll be out in a minute. 197 00:07:46,070 --> 00:07:48,270 Mm? 198 00:07:48,272 --> 00:07:49,838 Diary? 199 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:52,308 Isn't she a little old? 200 00:07:52,310 --> 00:07:55,878 "Dear diary, the great bowling caper is going perfectly. 201 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:57,946 "Clone Mark is an amazing bowler 202 00:07:57,948 --> 00:08:00,416 and a surprisingly forceful dominatrix." 203 00:08:00,418 --> 00:08:02,551 Yes. 204 00:08:02,553 --> 00:08:04,119 "And once we win the tournament, 205 00:08:04,121 --> 00:08:05,954 "I'll make sure the clone will be sleeping 206 00:08:05,956 --> 00:08:07,256 "with the fishes in the Hudson. 207 00:08:07,258 --> 00:08:09,758 "Then I get the real Mark back. 208 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:12,661 "I miss his beautiful brunette mane, 209 00:08:12,663 --> 00:08:14,963 just like Mario Lopez." 210 00:08:14,965 --> 00:08:17,733 That double-crossing "b" word. 211 00:08:17,735 --> 00:08:19,468 She told me to go blond. 212 00:08:19,470 --> 00:08:20,803 What? 213 00:08:20,805 --> 00:08:23,206 If you want a quickie, just come in. 214 00:08:27,578 --> 00:08:29,145 Tad's an ass. 215 00:08:29,147 --> 00:08:31,681 I wish he was dead. 216 00:08:32,783 --> 00:08:34,184 Clone Mark? 217 00:08:35,853 --> 00:08:37,654 Mm? 218 00:08:40,158 --> 00:08:41,991 Whoa! Hi...Mark. 219 00:08:41,993 --> 00:08:43,326 Hey, man. 220 00:08:43,328 --> 00:08:45,328 I didn't see you...There. 221 00:08:45,330 --> 00:08:47,263 You're probably wondering what I'm doing in here 222 00:08:47,265 --> 00:08:49,799 with this plunger and bananas. 223 00:08:49,801 --> 00:08:51,468 I mean, look, it's not what it looks like. 224 00:08:51,470 --> 00:08:53,837 I wasn't gonna jam these bananas into... 225 00:08:53,839 --> 00:08:55,438 uh, what did you think I was doing? 226 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,640 I thought I told you to stay out of my bedroom. 227 00:08:57,642 --> 00:08:59,776 Not the glove! Not the glove! 228 00:08:59,778 --> 00:09:01,845 I think it's best you clear out for the night. 229 00:09:01,847 --> 00:09:06,049 I don't know who you are anymore. 230 00:09:06,051 --> 00:09:07,317 Mm. 231 00:09:09,554 --> 00:09:11,821 Yeah, yeah, sure, take his side. 232 00:09:11,823 --> 00:09:13,523 Shut up. 233 00:09:13,525 --> 00:09:14,858 Hello? 234 00:09:14,860 --> 00:09:16,025 Who's there? 235 00:09:16,027 --> 00:09:18,061 Blond Mark? 236 00:09:18,063 --> 00:09:19,696 Hey, there, little buddy. 237 00:09:19,698 --> 00:09:22,232 Hey, I'm in a whole lot of trouble over here. 238 00:09:22,234 --> 00:09:24,200 You think you can deliver a message for me? 239 00:09:24,202 --> 00:09:25,468 Ahh! No! Ahh. 240 00:09:25,470 --> 00:09:27,370 Ahh! Oh, no, no. Stop it. 241 00:09:31,208 --> 00:09:34,144 Say, is that a trident in your hand, 242 00:09:34,146 --> 00:09:35,879 or are you just happy to see me? 243 00:09:35,881 --> 00:09:39,082 Oh, wait, that is a trident. 244 00:09:39,419 --> 00:09:41,385 Ahh! 245 00:09:43,602 --> 00:09:45,367 The murder weapon, boss. 246 00:09:45,369 --> 00:09:47,433 It's got fingerprints all over it. 247 00:09:47,435 --> 00:09:50,200 Looks like we got a murder investigation on our hands. 248 00:09:50,202 --> 00:09:52,632 Should I cancel our bowling practice tonight? 249 00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,965 Hell, no! The tournament's this Friday. 250 00:09:54,967 --> 00:09:56,998 Keep your priorities straight. 251 00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:01,530 So sad about cousin Tad. 252 00:10:01,532 --> 00:10:03,263 You know, he made a great apple tart. 253 00:10:03,265 --> 00:10:04,963 Your aunt Sally loved it. 254 00:10:04,965 --> 00:10:06,963 Hey, why is no one here? 255 00:10:06,965 --> 00:10:09,695 You sent invitations out, right, Twayne? 256 00:10:09,697 --> 00:10:11,895 Oh, God, the invitations. 257 00:10:11,897 --> 00:10:13,694 That's Tad's job. I'll call him. 258 00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:15,261 Tad's dead, Twayne. 259 00:10:15,263 --> 00:10:18,227 Jesus, thank Satan you still have Callie around. 260 00:10:18,229 --> 00:10:20,127 Oh, thank you, daddy. 261 00:10:20,129 --> 00:10:22,926 I'd love to have my old job back. 262 00:10:22,928 --> 00:10:25,992 Now Mark and I have lots of filthy sex acts to perform, 263 00:10:25,994 --> 00:10:27,392 so if you don't mind... 264 00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:29,391 Actually, I do. 265 00:10:29,393 --> 00:10:30,725 Arrest her, boys. 266 00:10:30,727 --> 00:10:32,191 On what charge? 267 00:10:32,193 --> 00:10:34,356 The murder of Tad Monkeybottom. 268 00:10:34,358 --> 00:10:36,023 What? I didn't kill him. 269 00:10:36,025 --> 00:10:37,889 Got the murder weapon right here. 270 00:10:37,891 --> 00:10:39,322 Your prints are all over it, red. 271 00:10:39,324 --> 00:10:40,456 That's impossible. 272 00:10:40,458 --> 00:10:43,388 Besides, I have lots of weapons. 273 00:10:43,390 --> 00:10:45,188 It happens to be a hobby of mine. 274 00:10:45,190 --> 00:10:46,521 That's not all we've got. 275 00:10:46,523 --> 00:10:49,854 Oh, wait, that is a trident. 276 00:10:49,856 --> 00:10:51,220 Ahh! 277 00:10:53,089 --> 00:10:55,619 You ass-dialed me during the murder. 278 00:10:55,621 --> 00:10:57,585 It's over, Callie. I'm sorry. 279 00:10:57,587 --> 00:10:59,218 I always thought it'd be me you murdered 280 00:10:59,220 --> 00:11:01,617 in some ill-advised sexual encounter, 281 00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:03,851 maybe after hours at the holiday party, 282 00:11:03,853 --> 00:11:06,417 where we both had a few too many eggnogs, 283 00:11:06,419 --> 00:11:09,183 and then I kind of say, "hey, you look great tonight," 284 00:11:09,185 --> 00:11:11,183 and you look at me and say, "let's go back to my place." 285 00:11:11,185 --> 00:11:12,615 Am I still talking? 286 00:11:12,617 --> 00:11:15,415 But I lost my phone. 287 00:11:15,417 --> 00:11:17,247 I'm being framed. 288 00:11:17,249 --> 00:11:19,014 Ooh. 289 00:11:19,016 --> 00:11:21,714 I won't be put in the Hudson that easily. 290 00:11:21,716 --> 00:11:25,113 Next time, lock your diary, you double-crossing hussy. 291 00:11:25,115 --> 00:11:27,746 Try to implicate me and the real Mark Lilly? 292 00:11:27,748 --> 00:11:29,112 Nice. 293 00:11:29,114 --> 00:11:30,378 The Hudson. 294 00:11:30,380 --> 00:11:31,745 Oh, no, no, no, you idiot. 295 00:11:31,747 --> 00:11:33,311 You have it all wrong. 296 00:11:33,313 --> 00:11:35,178 I wasn't going to kill you. 297 00:11:35,180 --> 00:11:38,710 Tell it to your new lesbian playmates in girl Rikers. 298 00:11:38,712 --> 00:11:41,576 There, you'll be in the star in your own woman's prison movie. 299 00:11:41,578 --> 00:11:43,276 You'll have to sell your body for protection 300 00:11:43,278 --> 00:11:45,042 from the gangs and the guards. 301 00:11:45,044 --> 00:11:46,874 Then one night, your cell mate, Deandra, 302 00:11:46,876 --> 00:11:48,341 will climb into your bunk. 303 00:11:48,343 --> 00:11:50,841 Jesus Christ, again with the talking. 304 00:11:52,276 --> 00:11:54,074 I'm telling you I'm innocent. 305 00:11:54,476 --> 00:11:55,906 I was set up. 306 00:11:55,908 --> 00:11:57,873 By who? Start talkin'. 307 00:11:57,875 --> 00:11:59,072 I can't talk. 308 00:11:59,074 --> 00:12:00,939 If I do, an old lover will get hurt. 309 00:12:00,941 --> 00:12:02,505 Old lover? 310 00:12:02,507 --> 00:12:04,405 Jesus, Callie, if you're into older men, 311 00:12:04,407 --> 00:12:06,537 what's wrong with an old Grimesy? 312 00:12:06,539 --> 00:12:08,037 Sure, I've gained a few pounds, 313 00:12:08,039 --> 00:12:10,369 but look how many push-ups I can do. 314 00:12:10,371 --> 00:12:12,770 One and two and... 315 00:12:12,772 --> 00:12:14,869 Ahh, my sciatica! Jesus. 316 00:12:16,803 --> 00:12:20,568 Yeah, Mark glove-slapped me around pretty good this time. 317 00:12:20,570 --> 00:12:23,067 I had to move in with my friend Ray to escape the abuse. 318 00:12:23,069 --> 00:12:28,066 Hmm, did you notice any other suspicious behavior? 319 00:12:28,068 --> 00:12:31,699 He would just have arguments with himself and yell at no one, 320 00:12:31,701 --> 00:12:34,364 and then he'd kick his gym bag over and over again, 321 00:12:34,366 --> 00:12:38,797 and also, his gym bag was a moving burlap sack. 322 00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:40,597 Actually, it probably wasn't even a gym bag, 323 00:12:40,599 --> 00:12:42,263 you know, the more I think about it. 324 00:12:42,265 --> 00:12:44,329 It kept asking for help, for one thing. 325 00:12:44,331 --> 00:12:45,596 Let's go take a look. 326 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:46,829 I'm not going back there. 327 00:12:46,831 --> 00:12:48,162 Don't make me go back. 328 00:12:48,164 --> 00:12:50,228 Look, he doesn't know anything, okay? 329 00:12:50,230 --> 00:12:53,561 And unless you've got a warrant, he's got nothing to say. 330 00:12:53,563 --> 00:12:54,794 It's okay. 331 00:12:54,796 --> 00:12:56,194 I'm here to protect you now. 332 00:12:56,196 --> 00:12:58,660 Now, get in that kitchen and make me dinner. 333 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,891 Ah! Hope you don't mind if I let myself in. 334 00:13:04,893 --> 00:13:06,891 Huh? 335 00:13:06,893 --> 00:13:09,957 Hello? 336 00:13:09,959 --> 00:13:13,490 Lilly, what the hell are you doing living in a closet? 337 00:13:13,492 --> 00:13:16,322 He's right behind you. 338 00:13:16,324 --> 00:13:19,089 Huh? 339 00:13:19,091 --> 00:13:21,755 Holy , a goddamn clone. 340 00:13:21,757 --> 00:13:23,254 I should have known, 341 00:13:23,256 --> 00:13:24,821 because of the different color eyes. 342 00:13:24,823 --> 00:13:26,821 Hair. It's his hair. 343 00:13:26,823 --> 00:13:28,220 You've got it all wrong. 344 00:13:28,222 --> 00:13:29,986 That's my twin...brother. 345 00:13:29,988 --> 00:13:33,885 His name is...Barry, and he lives in a closet. 346 00:13:33,887 --> 00:13:35,119 Oh, forget it. 347 00:13:36,387 --> 00:13:37,618 Ahh! 348 00:13:37,620 --> 00:13:39,384 My bowling legs. 349 00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:40,818 They're not working anymore, 350 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:43,950 and the tournament's in two days. 351 00:13:43,952 --> 00:13:45,783 Well, if we're done here... 352 00:13:45,785 --> 00:13:47,882 Hey, dicknose, my turn. 353 00:13:47,884 --> 00:13:50,515 Ahh! My bowling eyes. 354 00:13:50,517 --> 00:13:54,448 Ohhhh, I'll have to use bumpers...Bumpers. 355 00:13:54,450 --> 00:13:57,414 Only wheelchair kids use bumpers. 356 00:13:57,416 --> 00:13:59,413 Bowling is a stupid sport. 357 00:13:59,415 --> 00:14:01,547 In fact, it's not even a sport. 358 00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:03,479 I would love to mock it further, 359 00:14:03,481 --> 00:14:05,045 but it is time for Mark Lilly's clone 360 00:14:05,047 --> 00:14:08,578 to 7-10 split... 361 00:14:08,580 --> 00:14:09,844 Bowling pun. 362 00:14:12,446 --> 00:14:13,844 Hi, everybody. 363 00:14:13,846 --> 00:14:16,677 It is good to see you again. 364 00:14:16,679 --> 00:14:18,609 I'm sure everyone is a little confused 365 00:14:18,611 --> 00:14:20,141 about what happened. 366 00:14:20,143 --> 00:14:22,774 Your clone kidnapped you and took your place. 367 00:14:22,776 --> 00:14:24,205 Pretty clear, actually. 368 00:14:24,207 --> 00:14:26,171 All right, well, I am very sorry 369 00:14:26,173 --> 00:14:28,104 if he did or said anything on my behalf 370 00:14:28,106 --> 00:14:29,636 that I might be ashamed of. 371 00:14:29,638 --> 00:14:32,201 He only made us fight each other until we bled, 372 00:14:32,203 --> 00:14:35,533 but good for you that you got two paid days off, dick. 373 00:14:35,535 --> 00:14:38,666 Yeah, you guys are in no shape to bowl. 374 00:14:38,668 --> 00:14:39,831 Callie's gonna be pissed. 375 00:14:39,833 --> 00:14:41,431 She loves that tournament, 376 00:14:41,433 --> 00:14:43,463 even though I always blow our chances at winning. 377 00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:47,461 Anyway, as we all know, clones were primarily created 378 00:14:47,463 --> 00:14:50,226 for harboring body parts for their hosts, 379 00:14:50,228 --> 00:14:52,792 but over time, they've also become commonly used 380 00:14:52,794 --> 00:14:56,156 as car-pool lane companions, status symbols, 381 00:14:56,158 --> 00:14:58,589 as well as marital aids. 382 00:14:58,591 --> 00:15:00,820 Oops, don't know how that one got in there. 383 00:15:00,822 --> 00:15:03,519 Just "cloning" around. 384 00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:10,583 Get it? Cloning...Instead of clowning. 385 00:15:10,585 --> 00:15:12,149 Nothing, really? 386 00:15:17,514 --> 00:15:19,445 Excuse me, I need to take this real quick. 387 00:15:19,447 --> 00:15:20,844 Leonard. 388 00:15:20,846 --> 00:15:23,943 Mark, my man, just wanted to thank you again. 389 00:15:23,945 --> 00:15:26,575 This is freaking awesome. 390 00:15:26,577 --> 00:15:28,607 Thank me for what? 391 00:15:28,609 --> 00:15:31,172 For making me pursue my matador dream. 392 00:15:31,174 --> 00:15:33,904 I finally found my true calling. 393 00:15:33,906 --> 00:15:35,870 Right, right. 394 00:15:35,872 --> 00:15:38,235 Um...Only thing is that that wasn't me. 395 00:15:38,237 --> 00:15:40,735 I was actually kidnapped and replaced by my clone 396 00:15:40,737 --> 00:15:42,167 the past two days. 397 00:15:42,169 --> 00:15:45,598 What? A stupid clone made me do this? 398 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:47,964 I can't be a matador. I'm 700 years old. 399 00:15:47,966 --> 00:15:50,596 Oh, God. What am I doing? 400 00:15:50,598 --> 00:15:51,895 Ahh! 401 00:15:51,897 --> 00:15:54,394 Mark, I'll call you back. 402 00:15:54,396 --> 00:15:57,259 I'm sure he's fine. 403 00:15:57,261 --> 00:15:58,592 What are you wearing? 404 00:15:58,594 --> 00:16:00,291 It's a veil, Mark. 405 00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:03,290 I'm in mourning for my beloved dead assistant Tad. 406 00:16:03,292 --> 00:16:05,555 I think those are... are only for women. 407 00:16:05,557 --> 00:16:07,921 Why do they get all the good stuff? 408 00:16:07,923 --> 00:16:09,553 There's a lot I'll need to learn on my own 409 00:16:09,555 --> 00:16:11,519 with Tad and Callie gone. 410 00:16:11,521 --> 00:16:14,384 And where's Callie now? 411 00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:17,117 That horrible clone set me up. 412 00:16:17,119 --> 00:16:19,149 They say I murdered Twayne's assistant. 413 00:16:19,151 --> 00:16:21,248 - Uh-uh. - Oh. 414 00:16:21,250 --> 00:16:23,613 Callie, I am so sorry. 415 00:16:23,615 --> 00:16:26,345 Even though I was bound and gagged for a few days, 416 00:16:26,347 --> 00:16:29,111 I still... I can't help but feel marginally responsible. 417 00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:32,642 Yes, you should... 'Cause it's your clone... 418 00:16:32,644 --> 00:16:33,908 That I know nothing about. 419 00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:35,807 Mark, you have to help me. 420 00:16:35,809 --> 00:16:37,706 If I'm executed, I'll miss the bowling tournament. 421 00:16:40,306 --> 00:16:41,771 You have to release her, Grimes. 422 00:16:41,773 --> 00:16:43,503 Callie is innocent. 423 00:16:43,505 --> 00:16:46,669 Listen, I'll give you the resources of my department, 424 00:16:46,671 --> 00:16:48,167 but we don't even know where to look. 425 00:16:48,169 --> 00:16:49,301 He's your clone. 426 00:16:49,303 --> 00:16:51,833 Where would you run to? 427 00:16:51,835 --> 00:16:53,465 Are you making a face? 428 00:16:53,467 --> 00:16:55,264 Because it feels like you're making a face. 429 00:16:57,898 --> 00:16:59,595 So the agency sent you. 430 00:16:59,597 --> 00:17:00,994 Is something wrong? 431 00:17:00,996 --> 00:17:02,327 I asked for a redhead. 432 00:17:02,329 --> 00:17:03,793 Oh, well, I... 433 00:17:03,795 --> 00:17:05,559 we'll make it work. 434 00:17:10,857 --> 00:17:12,589 Ugh, I can't believe I'm going to die 435 00:17:12,591 --> 00:17:14,455 for a murder I didn't even get to commit. 436 00:17:14,457 --> 00:17:15,821 I mean, where's the fun in that? 437 00:17:15,823 --> 00:17:17,053 12 hours left. 438 00:17:17,055 --> 00:17:18,386 You want a last meal? 439 00:17:18,388 --> 00:17:20,318 Nah, I had a big breakfast. 440 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:23,483 Oh, and I don't want to look fat in the chair. 441 00:17:24,717 --> 00:17:26,848 I love you, baby. Muah! 442 00:17:26,850 --> 00:17:28,414 Seriously? 443 00:17:28,416 --> 00:17:30,113 I get the one clingy call girl in New York? 444 00:17:30,115 --> 00:17:33,578 Sounds like she's been duped by a duplicate. 445 00:17:33,580 --> 00:17:35,178 Did we find him, 446 00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:37,177 or are you making bad jokes to random strangers? 447 00:17:37,179 --> 00:17:38,776 How did you find me? 448 00:17:38,778 --> 00:17:40,575 Clone or not, you're still Mark Lilly, 449 00:17:40,577 --> 00:17:43,640 and Mark Lilly loves Ferris wheels. 450 00:17:43,642 --> 00:17:45,373 Effin'-a, I do. 451 00:17:45,375 --> 00:17:48,171 Nothing better than the rush of going in circles 50 feet high. 452 00:17:48,173 --> 00:17:51,003 Oooh, baby, better than "h," 453 00:17:51,005 --> 00:17:53,269 and by "h," I mean huevos. 454 00:17:53,271 --> 00:17:56,800 You've laid your last egg joke, clone Mark. 455 00:17:56,802 --> 00:18:00,565 The yolk's on you... Double egg pun. 456 00:18:00,567 --> 00:18:02,297 Are you two fighting yet? 457 00:18:02,299 --> 00:18:04,229 I don't hear the sounds of a violent struggle. 458 00:18:04,231 --> 00:18:05,662 Arrgh! 459 00:18:05,664 --> 00:18:06,828 That's more like it. 460 00:18:06,830 --> 00:18:08,494 You blond bastard. 461 00:18:08,496 --> 00:18:11,626 You put me in a bag, you clone. 462 00:18:11,628 --> 00:18:13,292 I couldn't have you walking around. 463 00:18:13,294 --> 00:18:14,957 Ahh! Oh! 464 00:18:14,959 --> 00:18:16,624 Damn it, Lilly. I'm gonna get heatstroke. 465 00:18:16,626 --> 00:18:17,856 Wrap it up. 466 00:18:17,858 --> 00:18:19,555 Grimes, help. 467 00:18:19,557 --> 00:18:21,021 No, no, help me. 468 00:18:21,023 --> 00:18:24,319 I'm the real Mark. 469 00:18:25,554 --> 00:18:27,218 Ahh! Grimes, you shot me. 470 00:18:27,220 --> 00:18:28,785 And me. 471 00:18:28,787 --> 00:18:32,150 Good, I'll let someone with eyes sort this out. 472 00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:33,615 Hello, warden? 473 00:18:33,617 --> 00:18:34,881 Grimes here. 474 00:18:34,883 --> 00:18:36,946 Cancel the Maggotbone execution. 475 00:18:36,948 --> 00:18:39,112 Also, I have no eyes or legs, 476 00:18:39,114 --> 00:18:42,011 and I'm fairly certain I'm on an island in the Caribbean. 477 00:18:42,013 --> 00:18:44,510 I'm feeling pretty frightened right now. 478 00:18:44,512 --> 00:18:46,609 I've actually never felt so alone. 479 00:18:46,611 --> 00:18:47,841 Jesus Christ. 480 00:18:47,843 --> 00:18:49,174 How am I still talking? 481 00:18:52,542 --> 00:18:54,411 Sorry I didn't believe you, Callie. 482 00:18:54,413 --> 00:18:56,514 Whoops, I'm gonna have to use my sense of smell here. 483 00:18:56,516 --> 00:18:57,916 Okay, oop, there you go. 484 00:18:57,918 --> 00:18:59,184 We found the clone. 485 00:18:59,186 --> 00:19:01,054 He confessed to killing Tad. 486 00:19:01,056 --> 00:19:02,923 Don't know how I could have missed it. 487 00:19:02,925 --> 00:19:04,426 Should've known Mark was a clone 488 00:19:04,428 --> 00:19:06,629 the minute he stopped acting like a total pussy, 489 00:19:06,631 --> 00:19:08,699 also the whole blond hair thing. 490 00:19:08,701 --> 00:19:10,468 You're free to walk. 491 00:19:10,470 --> 00:19:12,303 Enjoy your legs and eyes. 492 00:19:12,305 --> 00:19:14,708 I never did, and I regret it. 493 00:19:19,816 --> 00:19:21,918 For the record, sweetie, when I wrote 494 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:24,121 that you'll be sleeping with the fishes in the Hudson, 495 00:19:24,123 --> 00:19:27,360 I meant the Hudson luxury cruise ship. 496 00:19:27,362 --> 00:19:29,796 I purchased you an around-the-world ticket. 497 00:19:29,798 --> 00:19:31,833 But, oh, well, it would have been really nice 498 00:19:31,835 --> 00:19:35,104 to win that bowling tournament for once. 499 00:19:35,106 --> 00:19:37,174 It's kind of like watching myself die, 500 00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:38,809 and it's disturbing. 501 00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:40,379 Is it weird that I'm turned on? 502 00:19:40,381 --> 00:19:43,249 Yes, it is. 503 00:19:43,251 --> 00:19:45,219 Dibs on the eyes. 504 00:19:46,756 --> 00:19:49,559 So they're scrapping the clone for parts? 505 00:19:49,561 --> 00:19:53,097 Now there's a little piece of me inside all of them. 506 00:19:53,099 --> 00:19:54,366 That's disgusting, Mark. 507 00:19:54,368 --> 00:19:56,937 Sorry, that definitely came out wrong. 508 00:19:56,939 --> 00:19:59,373 Um, Dr. Roberts, can I have the tongue? 509 00:19:59,375 --> 00:20:02,412 Coming right up. 510 00:20:02,414 --> 00:20:05,115 Here you go, sir. 511 00:20:05,117 --> 00:20:07,219 Mmm, that has some kick. 512 00:20:07,221 --> 00:20:10,456 Hey, Doc, throw the leftovers in a doggie bag, will ya? 513 00:20:12,126 --> 00:20:13,528 Life is a struggle... 514 00:20:13,530 --> 00:20:14,862 Ahh! 515 00:20:14,864 --> 00:20:17,867 Jesus, Mark has the legs of a baby fawn. 516 00:20:17,869 --> 00:20:19,870 How can he even walk on these things? 517 00:20:19,872 --> 00:20:22,307 And getting what you think you want in this world 518 00:20:22,309 --> 00:20:24,210 is harder than it seems... 519 00:20:24,212 --> 00:20:26,046 Come to papa. 520 00:20:26,048 --> 00:20:29,384 So sometimes you have to settle with what you got. 521 00:20:29,386 --> 00:20:33,323 Yay. 522 00:20:41,903 --> 00:20:45,508 For the last time, yes, I had sex with a clone, 523 00:20:45,510 --> 00:20:47,578 but I was looking at you the whole time. 524 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,314 All right. All right. 525 00:20:49,316 --> 00:20:51,384 I just wish I knew where he came from. 526 00:20:51,386 --> 00:20:55,423 Me too, but I guess we'll never know.