Danger can come in all forms.
Da-doop.
Sometimes, it can come in
the most seemingly innocent and unlikely of places.
Oh, my.
Excuse me, but how much are you charging
for that strange and peculiar plant in your store window?
Say what? That ain't for sale.
That's my son.
Who you calling peculiar?
No, no, no. I'm talking about that.
Oh, that? $7.95.
Come again.
Dad, why'd you sell her that plant?
It's as cursed as Michael Richards' career.
Because I hate old people. But I loves money.
Ka-ching!
Sync by mczolly www.addic7ed.com
Oh, my.
Shake those hips, ladies.
Yeah, don't be afraid to put your ass into it.
Huh? Well, uh, this is awkward.
What, oh, you're the only one who's allowed
to shop at Tommy Bahama.
Where's the goddamn Porter?
Here, kid, get this to my room.
Look who it is! Our entertainment.
Are you sure this scheme is gonna work?
I got a lot riding on this.
Are you kidding? Look at these rubes.
We'll make out like bandits.
Hey, I gave my last quarter to the Porter.
You think you could hook me up
with a little walking-around cash?
Oh, uh...Hey!
Mark! Uh, so glad you could make it.
A free cruise? Uh, yeah.
Are you kidding me? I wouldn't miss it.
Uh, Mark, don't get excited.
It's a free cruise around New York City's islands.
Well, then the parrots on this thing
are pretty misleading.
Okay? Just saying.
Uh-oh, it's magic time.
Who's ready for a magic show, gang?
Out of my way!
I want my mind blown by illusions.
Wow, these cruises really cater to the geriatric set.
Callie, why are you locking the doors?
Shut up and take your seat, Mr. Questions.
And now, let's give a big, warm welcome to...
The amazing Leonard!
Yah!
Uh-uh-uh. Unh-unh-unh.
Good evening, I'm the amazing Leonard.
I'm here to blow your minds with a little magic--
I am so ready for that.
And talk to you about a wonderful opportunity
that will ma all of your problems disappear.
The answer, my friends, is called...
Going zombie.
♪ Going zombie ♪
My free cruise is a zombie conversion scheme?
Thanks a lot, guys.
Ah, I see we have a few zombies
in the audience tonight.
Would any of you--
whom I've never met prior to this engagement--
be interested in coming up onstage
and sharing the benefits of your lifestyle?
Uh, uh, uh, yeah.
Before going zombie, I was run down and lifeless.
Now, I'm never tired and always up for fun.
Wheee!
Oh, no, I lost my arm.
Here's another one.
Good as new.
All of this, plus eternal life as a walking corpse,
for only 16 payments of $99.
Now, if we can just bring up the house lights,
you can start making your way to the conversion table.
Meep.
Oh, that's it. How low can you go, ladies?
Ah-choo!
Oh, gesund--hey! Where did you get that lei?
I was specifically told they were unavailable.
Oh, this? I made it from a plant I bought.
But I'm afraid I might be allergic.
I'm sorry.
Would you like a pull off of my nasal spray?
It's maximum strength.
Oh, tell you what. Why don't you just take it?
Now at least one of us will get "lei'd" on this cruise.
He-he-he.
Ew--ugh.
Well, I knew it was only a matter of time
before somebody made that joke.
Thanks for a good time, Randall.
We better get going before there's nothing left of you.
Thank you, ladies. It was a pleasure.
Hey, Mark, come on in. Join the stew.
Ew. You know what?
I'm just gonna wait for that dead skin to boil away first.
Suit yourself.
Mmm, this is what I'm talking about.
I'm relaxing with my buddy. I got my lei.
Hey!
Correction, I had my lei.
Hmm. Ah--oh, yes!
Oh, God, yes.
Randall, are you okay?
Oh, yeah, man.
That is some lei.
That is getting all up in my cavity.
I'll, uh, leave you to your soak.
Yeah, getting rich would be a lot easier
if I had something people wanted to buy.
Burn in hell, Steve blobs!
My God, it's a new strain of drosera muscipala,
the incredibly rare plant
with strange and unpredictable properties.
It's my lucky day.
See you losers later. Meep.
Randall, are you feeling okay?
You look a lighter shade of green,
and your eye doesn't normally...
Pulsate like that.
Yeah, just a cold. Maybe some zombie pinkeye.
It's--no--big--
Smells like someone had bad buffet.
Now, I'm taking you home to bed. No arguments.
Randall.
Hey, buddy, how's it going?
Made you some chicken-noodle soup,
some chamomile tea.
And...You appear to be a plant.
Randall, wake up! Randall!
What the--
M-Mark.
Mark? Mark!
Crazy cruise, huh? How about that hot tub?
Why you looking at me like that?
- Don't judge me. - Wha--ah--
Hmm?
Craaaap!
Make me rich, o strange and mysterious plant.
Ah! My eyes!
My beautiful eyes!
My eyes. My beautiful eyes!
Nonow all I need is a fool and his money.
It's a unique business opportunity.
A green pile of goo?
Ooh, say no more, partner. I'm all in.
Don't you want to know what it does?
No, take this blank check and get out of my office
before you change your mind, Leonard.
- But Twayne. - All right, two blank checks.
So the very nice gentleman from the nursery
says you are going to love this plant food.
I'm not eating that garbage.
Get me a human's brain to eat.
Come on, Randall, you know human brains are illegal.
You did this to me
with your stupid lei in the hot tub.
Well, that may be true, but--
Brains! Brains, brains, brains!
I'll see what I can do.
All right, Powers. Get what you need.
In and out.
Nice and easy. Pick that lock.
Come on. Come on!
Ahh, screw it. Yah!
Randall. Are you here?
Whoa, looks like money really does grow on trees.
Where's Mark?
I'll be taking care of you tonight.
Uncle Leonard needs some special leaves
to make his potion.
Don't touch me there. Your hands are cold.
This won't hurt a bit.
Oh, God, that hurts! Oh, God!
Oh, my stamen! Leave some of the stamen!
Oh, my God, that hurts worse than the last part!
The last part was bad, but this part is worse!
Huuah, you can do this.
Get in, get the brains, and get out.
Ah! You must be señor Gomez.
Welcome to mi casa. Hola, and come on in.
You're not deaf, are you?
They told me they wouldn't send any more defectives
down from the temp agency.
No, señor. Uh, yo soy, uh, not deaf.
Oh, good. I'm Grimes, the night watchman.
Oops, I forgot.
He said you don't "speak-a-English."
Sí, sí.
Don't worry, Gomez. We'll take care of that.
I'm getting a Spanish-to-English dictionary
so we can, uh, habla.
Okay, abrigo?
Muchas gracias...Abrigo.
Okay, let's get you set up in the crapper.
And let me apologize about that in advance.
Doctor said I shouldn't eat pierogies anymore.
I got a real weakness.
But you got all night to get that drain clear of pierogies.
With this [Bleep] stick, I dub thee, noche Gomez.
Can't believe I'm doing this.
What have I become?
I'm stealing brains; My accent is so racist.
Have I gone loco?
I guess it's not wrong
to steal brains if they're from bad dead people.
Better get these home before Grimes sees me.
Gomez, what are you doing here in the spooky room?
Grab your [Bleep] bucket and meet me in stall two.
We got a nuclear meltdown.
Ugh, I can still smell the pierogi in my mustache.
Wait, why am I still wearing this?
Okay, pal, good news. I got your brains--
oh, my God. What is happening to you?
The bearded lady. She pruned me, Mark.
It was humiliating.
I have no idea what you are saying right now.
Gah. Ow!
Ah, I'm so sorry. What can I do?
Feed me, Mark! Feed me!
Here, eat these.
Huh? Nothing's happening.
Do something, Mark. It's not working.
Oops. Spoke too soon.
Those brains go right through you.
I'll get my [Bleep] stick.
I couldn't find any solutions on the Internet,
but what I can do is try to make you comfortable.
Things don't have to be any different.
The bathroom is now our living room.
The bathtub is now our couch.
I'm a Mexican janitor. You're a plant.
Nothing has changed.
Dude, I am really starting to worry about you.
Here's the remote. I'm late for work.
Grimes had dinner at pierogi-ville.
Don't wait up.
Don't forget my brains.
I'm Leonard Powers,
here to tell you about a new, exciting invention.
Introducing my organic Powers Paste.
Gentlemen, tired of being that creepy old bald guy at the club?
Well, my paste will make you look young enough
to date a high schooler.
Mm, mm, mm.
Your secret's safe with me. Bing!
Hi, mom.
Ladies, wish you could put your biological clock on snooze?
- Wha? - Forever?
Oh-ho, oh, yeah.
Who's ready to get pregnant!
That's right,
the fountain of youth can be yours.
♪ ♪
They won't have Leonard Powers to kick around anymore.
Oh, yeah, oh--
Ooh, you can stop dancing now, Blanche.
Randall, it's been a week.
The brains don't seem to be doing any good.
Plus, I seriously cannot clean up any more
of Grimes' pierogi [Bleep].
So, what, you're just giving up on me?
That's not what friends do.
I've got to level with you, buddy.
I've killed every plant I've ever owned.
This is Ted, the ficus I had in college.
He didn't even make it to Thanksgiving break.
This is my cactus, Gary. Right.
- He dried out. - Gary!
And finally, Evelyn. She's beautiful, isn't she?
One hot August afternoon, I left her out in the sun.
Ah! But she's plastic.
Oh, my God. I'm gonna die.
I guess I have some pierogi stool to scrub.
Mm, yes, Gomez, you certainly do.
I'm a busy man. You've got 30 seconds.
Retroactive to the beginning of this sentence.
I'll cut to the chase. We own your company, Powers.
That's funny, it sounded like you said
you own my company.
That is funny.
Actually, it's our company.
That's what you agreed to when Twayne lent you the money.
Under demonic law, we maintain sole ownership.
Here's how it's gonna go, old man.
You're gonna hand me that company,
and I'm gonna hand you this check.
Hm, wha? A billion dollars!
You moron. I said a thousand dollars.
Aren't there nine zeroes in a thousand?
Here's the keys to my office. Enjoy your company.
Nailed it.
How rich are you?
How much is 12 zeroes?
Hey, stranger!
I'll give you 30 grand to film me
boning my ladies on the hood of my Lambo.
Oh, Mark. Hey, nice mustache.
Just wanted to let you know I sold my company
to Twayne and Callie for a billion dollars.
Your company? That you created a week ago?
That's the one.
I screwed them over by not telling them
that Randall's the secret ingredient to Powers Paste.
But if they ever figure that out,
they might try to kill you to get to him.
If you get in a jam,
this magic bike will take you to me.
Now, it's time for me to quietly make my escape.
Wait, wait, wait. Leonard.
Hey, stranger! You want to make 30 grand?
♪ ♪
What's happening to me?
I look old again. Damn you, Twayne-o Paste.
My face. My beautiful lady face.
I think I'm getting split ends.
We have a bigger problem.
Leonard screwed you over, Twayne.
This stuff is worthless.
I have compared your batch with Leonard's original,
and there is a biological component missing.
- What is it? - I have no idea.
But the DNA is part plant, part zombie.
Where in the hell
would Leonard have access to a zom--
ugh. Get the car.
But you didn't finish your sentence.
Randall, I'm sorry, I've tried everything.
I think it's time to call the center for disease control.
No, Mark, don't sell me out to the feds.
They'll E.T. my ass.
They'll alien-autopsy my business.
Maybe Leonard will know what to do.
Mark. I need to talk to you.
- And Randall too. - Shut up, Twayne.
We got to get out of here.
If anyone's going to kill you, it's going to be me.
No, not those again.
Sorry, pal. This is for your own good.
Come on, buddy. We're going for a ride.
Kick it in.
Magic bike, wake up.
Magic bike.
There he is. Aim for the tires.
Whoa-ah!
Aaah!
I got no leg room in here, and I have to pee.
Can we fly by The Statue of Liberty?
Can I watch a DVD?
Where's it-- is there a DVD player?
Can I watch Shrek 2?
I really should have taken a cab.
- Leonard, thank God. - That's the bearded lady.
Were you, uh, followed?
Uhhh. Feel weak.
What's happening to him?
Let's get inside my impenetrable
billion-dollar compound, and I'll tell you.
Voila.
Leonard, what is all this?
What can I say?
Accidentally creating a miracle cream has its perks.
No, I mean what is wrong with Randall?
Oh, that.
Turns out Randall was pollinated by drosera muscipala,
a rare plant that reproduces using a living host.
Wow, Randall has had...
Relations with many different species before,
but this is the first I've heard of him getting with a plant.
Will he be okay?
Once the reproduction cycle is complete,
Randall will emerge anew
with a healthy bouquet of offspring.
Do we have time for a quick tour?
Man, he looks terrible.
How much water and sunlight have you been giving him?
Well...Uh, none, really.
Sun's what killed Evelyn.
None!
What the [Bleep] were you thinking?
He's a plant, for God's sakes.
But he asked for brains. Human brains.
Well, of course he asked for brains, you idiot.
He's part zombie.
Do you feed a baby candy all day
just because that's what it asks for?
Braaaaains.
Jesus, we have to get him to the greenhouse,
or he'll die before he can reproduce.
Crap, you were followed.
Oh, man, she found my decoy bush.
Mm, let's roll.
♪ ♪
Sorry, the monorail's being repaired..
♪ ♪
Nice shot, great one.
- Is that-- - Wayne Gretzky?
And the Tampa Bay Lightning. I bought both of them.
Wayne was tricky, but no one will miss the lightning.
Do you like my herb garden?
Horticulture is my new passion.
How did you learn all this?
A billion dollars really gave me the means
to explore my green thumb.
It's all in the hydroponics, really.
Here, try.
Earthy. Delicious.
Uh, not for nothing,
but they seem to have brought a battering ram.
Quickly, into the mulch garden he must go.
Careful. Gently.
I'm a delicate flower.
Now for a little old-fashioned water and sunlight.
Oh, yes, that's it.
Oh, God, water and sunlight.
I mean, it seems obvious now
that's what I would have needed as a plant.
It's working.
Hand over the zombie plant.
Too late. It's gone.
Behold, Randall is reborn.
He has no value for you now.
What about the money?
What about my hair?
And what about my testicles?
You know what, answer my question first.
They'll grow in. Probably.
Leonard Powers.
Who wants to know?
I do. I'm here to notify you
of a massive class-action-lawsuit against you,
for negligent business practices,
false advertising,
and willfully deceiving thousands of bald guys.
We all wish we could come up with the next big thing.
And...Sold!
Not my diamond-encrusted toilet.
But not everything that happens overnight
is a success.
Sometimes it's best to just be grateful
for what we already have.
It's funny, all this started
because I borrowed some old woman's lei.
Oh, my near-death is funny to you.
I was going to stop using
your toothbrush to groom my pubes.
Oh, look at this pretty posy.
You never learn.