1 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:19,120 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 2 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:25,679 Good evening, and welcome to Would I Lie To You?, 3 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:30,239 the show with unvarnished truths and highly polished lies. 4 00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:32,279 On David Mitchell's team tonight, 5 00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:36,199 a comedian who hosts the spin-off show to The Great British Bake Off. 6 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:38,799 She's just in it for the dough. It's Jo Brand. 7 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:41,279 APPLAUSE 8 00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:44,919 And a young Welsh comedian who likes nothing better 9 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,039 than dressing up in sequins. 10 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:48,639 We've got so much in common. 11 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:50,399 It's Kiri Pritchard-McLean! 12 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,360 APPLAUSE 13 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:58,159 And on Lee Mack's team tonight, a stand-up comedian who came here 14 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:00,919 from Germany 17 years ago. 15 00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:04,039 I'm thinking his visa must have expired by now. 16 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:05,559 It's Henning Wehn. 17 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:07,200 APPLAUSE 18 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:11,639 And Christmas Day, Pancake Day - 19 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:14,319 please welcome my favourite, Simon Day. 20 00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:15,920 APPLAUSE 21 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,439 We begin with round one, Home Truths, 22 00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:24,399 where our panellists read out a statement from the card 23 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,519 in front of them. To make things harder, 24 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,159 they've never seen the card before. 25 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:30,119 They've no idea what they'll be faced with. 26 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:33,279 And it's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction. 27 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:36,040 Jo, you're first tonight. Oh, OK. 28 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:41,359 I once ignored a fireman's order to evacuate a building 29 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:46,159 because I assumed he was just a bloke in fancy dress. 30 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:47,999 Lee's team. 31 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,079 OK. When was this? 32 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:53,800 When I was at university in 1841. 33 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:57,279 Were you the only person who didn't leave? 34 00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:59,039 Er, no, I don't think so. 35 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:03,159 It was, like, it was a student party. It was sort of fancy dress. 36 00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:05,759 Oh, YOU were all in fancy dress. Oh, OK. OK. 37 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:07,839 Yeah. What had you gone as? 38 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:12,320 I think I took a pretty easy option, and I went as a Roman. 39 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,479 Well, what were you wearing? Yeah. 40 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:17,879 A sheet. That's not a Roman! 41 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:19,159 Oh, not a Roman soldier, 42 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:21,519 just someone who was around in the Roman era. 43 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:24,920 A senator, not a centurion. A Roman or a ghost? 44 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:28,999 So, first of all, where was the fire? 45 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:30,439 Was it in your room? 46 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:33,599 Well, actually, it was... It was a fire alarm. 47 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:37,039 I wasn't in the proper party bit, I was in my room, 48 00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:39,119 in, er, with the door shut. 49 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:41,799 So how did a firefighter get in touch with you 50 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:44,599 if you were locked away in your own room? 51 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:48,599 Well, he banged on the door and went, "Fire Service." 52 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,279 With all due respect to your sheet, 53 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:52,879 you must have been quite impressed with his costume. 54 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:54,640 LAUGHTER 55 00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:00,599 I was. How did the conversation go. 56 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:03,359 Right, I was in my room with someone else. 57 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:05,279 We were busy. Who were...? 58 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:06,759 Oh! Oh! 59 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:08,800 Is this how the fire started? 60 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:14,719 Because I know what you're like, Jo, you like to set fire to them. 61 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:16,800 Actually, we were... 62 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:20,959 We were revising. 63 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,400 Oh, right! 64 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:25,599 What was he dressed as? 65 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,879 You were a Roman, what was this other person...? 66 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:29,559 He wasn't dressed as anything. 67 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:31,759 LAUGHTER 68 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,759 So there's a banging... There's a banging on the door. 69 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:36,039 ..and you stand up. 70 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:37,479 LAUGHTER 71 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:43,439 Now, Jo, I expect better of David, who was the first person to titter. 72 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:46,879 Let's try and have a level tonight, please. 73 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:50,159 Jo, there was a banging... On the door, yes. 74 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:52,879 ..banging, banging, banging. 75 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,560 Then you heard the door. What happened? 76 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:02,039 What happened was this guy shouted, "Fire! 77 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:05,039 "Please leave the building," right? Yes. 78 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:09,119 So I just thought it was some drunk bloke mucking about. 79 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:10,279 Yes, yes. 80 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:13,799 So I said, "Could you please go elsewhere?" 81 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:17,399 What was your gentleman caller's reaction? 82 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:19,519 Er... Or was he still unconscious? 83 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:22,119 LAUGHTER 84 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,199 APPLAUSE 85 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:30,039 My gentleman caller was the same as me - very entertained. 86 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,519 What do you think, Henning, is she telling the truth? 87 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:36,159 There is a few inconsistencies in that story. 88 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:39,839 Like? Well, the thing about the fire, 89 00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:41,279 I don't believe. 90 00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:42,760 LAUGHTER 91 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,199 We can stop there, then. 92 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:49,039 It's not, to be fair, an inconsistency, is it? 93 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:50,959 There's nothing inconsistent about it. 94 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:52,959 It's just it either happened or it didn't. 95 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:56,399 It's not like, "A fire, and I was in a lake." 96 00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:58,599 That would be an inconsistency. 97 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:01,439 So, what, you're picking holes in Henning's command 98 00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:03,639 of the English language? Yes. 99 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:06,159 Perhaps we should continue the rest in German, 100 00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:08,160 to give him a fighting chance, ja? 101 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:11,359 Simon, what are you thinking? 102 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:14,519 Part of me thinks it could possibly be a lie. 103 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:17,239 You're going to say lie because you think that the story 104 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:21,639 has got inconsistencies? Yeah. I'm just trying to annoy David now. 105 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:23,079 I think I'd go with Simon. 106 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:25,279 So you're going to say it's a lie? Oh, absolutely. 107 00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:26,959 With them kind of inconsistencies? 108 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,439 LAUGHTER 109 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:32,959 OK. Jo, were you telling us the truth, or were you telling a lie? 110 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:35,239 It was, in fact... 111 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:36,679 ..the truth. 112 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:38,320 APPLAUSE 113 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:43,759 It's true. Jo did ignore a fireman because she thought he was 114 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,280 in fancy dress. Henning, you're next. 115 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:51,879 I consider myself a train vigilante... 116 00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:53,479 LAUGHTER 117 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:55,680 ..and... I don't think you need to read any more. 118 00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:00,399 ..and enjoy clamping down on passengers 119 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:02,919 who break my strict code of conduct. 120 00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:05,079 David. OK. 121 00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:07,759 What's the code of conduct, Henning? 122 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:10,639 I just think when you travel on public transport, 123 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:13,039 you have to consider others. 124 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,439 Oh, was it you consider yourself a TRAIN vigilante 125 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:18,919 or a TRAINED vigilante? 126 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,599 No, train. Oh, train. Choo-choo! 127 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,599 I thought he said "trained". I thought he said "trained"! Yeah. 128 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,559 Would you, for the sake of some of the dimmer panellists, 129 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,599 would you read it again, please? 130 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:30,360 I thought he said "trained". 131 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:35,279 I have to be honest, I thought you said "trained" as well. 132 00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:38,279 I think maybe you did say trained vigilante. 133 00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:41,239 How many people here think he said "trained"? 134 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:43,680 AUDIENCE: Yes! 135 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:46,799 Would you please read it again? 136 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:50,039 I mean, Brexit doesn't make me leave, but you lot definitely... 137 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,320 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 138 00:06:56,120 --> 00:07:01,240 I consider myself a choo-choo vigilante... 139 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:07,879 ..and enjoy clamping down on passengers 140 00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:11,239 who break my strict code of conduct. 141 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:13,719 It's interesting he says "clamping down". 142 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:16,279 What would you clamp down on? 143 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:20,439 What I would consider out of orderness. 144 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,319 So can we just run a couple past you? Yeah. 145 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:25,119 Someone with their feet up on the seat. 146 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:27,040 They might get a stern look. OK... 147 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:30,919 What else don't you like? Give him another example. 148 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:32,599 So, imagine I'm sitting there, 149 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:36,000 imagine I'm sort of a large, threatening figure... 150 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:40,999 My God, David, give us a minute. 151 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:43,239 ..and I'm playing some, you know... Rachmaninoff. 152 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:45,719 ..frightening, popular music. 153 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:48,439 Yeah, absolutely, some Rachmaninoff. 154 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:52,039 And it's very loud on my phone there in front of me. 155 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:53,639 What do you say to me? 156 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,639 I'll do the music, right? Yeah. 157 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:57,039 You can nod your head, 158 00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,599 and you, Henning, can walk over and tell him. 159 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,959 OK. So, first... What I do is.... 160 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:04,040 I haven't started the music yet. 161 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:07,999 HE BEATBOXES 162 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,280 Rachmaninoff, yeah? 163 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:13,159 It's RAP-maninoff. Nice! 164 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,999 HE CONTINUES BEATBOXING FASTER 165 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,080 Train's speeding up! 166 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:23,759 Should we...? Yeah. 167 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:26,199 Rob. Rob, Rob! 168 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:29,159 That's beatboxing, that's not rap. Sorry. 169 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,519 Am I right? 170 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:32,959 RAPS: # I get up in the morning and I have some tea 171 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:34,519 # I like to drink some tea... # 172 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:37,879 That's not, that's not rapping either. 173 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:41,840 Also rhyming is not the same - if you just use the same word twice. 174 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:44,119 Look... 175 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:46,359 RAPS: # I want some tea cos I like some tea! # 176 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:47,599 I was under a lot of pressure. 177 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:49,799 Have you ever thought about doing the new Eminem film? 178 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:51,319 You could have a proper battle! 179 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,239 HE BEATBOXES 180 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:57,279 If I see a really imposing figure... That's me. David. 181 00:08:57,280 --> 00:09:01,359 ..I'll have a look what the numbers are 182 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:03,919 in the rest of the carriage, 183 00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:05,920 how confident I am. 184 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:10,280 Nah, he's too big. 185 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:21,879 All right. Kiri, do you think that Henning's been telling the truth? 186 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:25,199 No. No, of course not. 187 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:28,359 I think it would take a lot of confidence to walk over to someone 188 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:31,199 on any train carriage and just say to a stranger, "Be quiet." 189 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:33,279 I mean it in the nicest possible way - 190 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:34,879 I don't think you've got it in you. 191 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:37,319 I agree with Kiri. I think probably not, actually. 192 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,799 You think not? I think we don't think it's true. 193 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,359 You're going to say it's a lie. 194 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:44,839 OK, Henning, were you telling the truth, or were you telling a lie? 195 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:48,079 Well, to the best of my knowledge, this story is... 196 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:49,680 ..true. 197 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,640 Simon, you're next. 198 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:00,559 Oh, I haven't got me glasses on. 199 00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:02,640 Before being allowed out to play... True! 200 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:06,359 Very good! 201 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:08,399 Before being allowed out to play, 202 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:12,240 my mum used to write my address on my forehead in felt-tip pen. 203 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,839 David's team. 204 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:17,839 What age were you? 205 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:19,639 Sort of six, seven, eight. 206 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:22,799 So, how many lines of the address, or was it just a postcode? 207 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:26,199 She wrote the house number and the name of the street. 208 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:30,039 Did any other mums in your street do the same thing, 209 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:31,599 or we you the only...? 210 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:34,399 No. I had not returned home on a number of occasions, 211 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,079 and not found the house. 212 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,439 She said, "If you do this again, I'm going to write 213 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:40,639 "the name of the house on your forehead." 214 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,719 I think the idea was that a neighbour or a kindly person 215 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:46,319 would see it and say, "Come here, little fella." 216 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:47,959 Yeah... "I'll take you home." 217 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:49,520 What a foolproof scheme! 218 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:56,639 Some kindly fella with a big black hat and a net. 219 00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:59,000 CREEPY VOICE: Lollipops! Lollipops! 220 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:02,839 She had a cruel side to her. 221 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:05,479 So how many times had you, as it were, disappeared, 222 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,119 and for how long? 223 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:09,359 Well, there were sort of three in a row. 224 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:10,839 And how many times in a row? 225 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:12,040 Three. 226 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:17,079 Did you did you go away from your street 227 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:19,439 and you couldn't remember where your street was, 228 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:21,879 or could you not remember which house was yours? 229 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:24,399 It was the house. The key was the house. 230 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:27,439 Cos they were like Spam houses - they all looked the same. 231 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,759 Right. They all had pampas grass outside. 232 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:32,519 And you're wandering around on your own... It's a swingers' joke. 233 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:34,239 And... 234 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:36,279 I've still got your keys, by the way. 235 00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:37,719 And you're wandering... 236 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:38,999 I've still got your wife. 237 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:42,239 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 238 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:46,119 I was wandering lonely as a cloud. At six years old? 239 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:47,399 Yeah. Six, seven, eight. 240 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:50,679 And so how many times was the address felt-tipped onto you? 241 00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:52,439 I've told you that - three. 242 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:55,999 No, you told me that there were three occasions that you'd got lost, 243 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,119 which led to the felt-tipping policy. 244 00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:02,559 Now this, Henning, is what I call an inconsistency! 245 00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:04,920 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 246 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:09,399 What do you do with your kids, Lee? Cos you've got a young family. 247 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,079 How do you keep track of them? 248 00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:13,920 Well, I write on their head, but I put the wrong address on. 249 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:19,759 Kiri, do you think he's telling the truth? 250 00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:21,519 I do, cos his demeanour's changed 251 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:23,959 and he's like a little boy who's been told off. 252 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:26,399 He's adorable, isn't he? He is. 253 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:28,120 He's an actor as well... 254 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:31,479 DAVID: We think it's true, do we? 255 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:34,879 I think there was one thing that Simon said that made me think 256 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:37,359 it was true, and that was you said, like, 257 00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,639 your mum was a bit spiteful, or something like that. 258 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:42,399 You thought that's... Yeah. ..one of the reasons why she did it. 259 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:44,999 She's going to enjoy this when watches it. 260 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:48,159 Yeah, it's a shaming thing, isn't it? Yeah, it is. 261 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:50,720 "This idiot doesn't know where he lives." 262 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:55,200 Now that Jeremy Kyle's gone, we've got a new show to replace it! 263 00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:00,199 So you're going to say it's...? 264 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:02,799 We're going to say it's true. OK, you're saying it's true. 265 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,519 Simon, was it true, or...? 266 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:07,799 That my mother used to write my address on my forehead 267 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:09,239 when I was six or seven... 268 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:10,440 ..was a lie. 269 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:16,679 Yes, it's a lie. 270 00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:19,599 Simon's mother didn't write his address on this forehead 271 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,719 before letting him out to play. 272 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:23,599 Our next round is called This Is My, 273 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,199 where we bring on a mystery guest who has a close connection 274 00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:27,719 to one of our panellists. 275 00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:29,959 This week, each of David's team will claim 276 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:32,559 it's them that has the genuine connection to the guest. 277 00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:35,879 It's up to Lee's team to spot who is telling the truth. 278 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:38,560 So please welcome this week's special guest, Christina. 279 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:50,199 So, Jo, what is Christina to you? 280 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,519 Well, this is Christina. 281 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:56,759 I once borrowed her car, then later watched in horror 282 00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:59,560 as a Frenchman crushed it with his lorry. 283 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:03,239 Right, Jo's car-less companion. 284 00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:05,599 Kiri, how do you know Christina? 285 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:09,639 This is Christina, and my dog ate the tip of her finger. 286 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,599 Kiri's dog's dinner. 287 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:15,359 And finally, David, what is your relationship with Christina? 288 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:16,559 This is Christina. 289 00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:19,679 When my list of implausible things that have happened to me 290 00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:23,079 that I could talk about on Would I Lie To You? blew away, 291 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:25,040 she returned it to me. 292 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:30,799 So there we have it. Lee's team, where will you begin? 293 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:33,199 Jo, could you just remind me again what you said? Sorry. 294 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,759 I borrowed Christina's car. 295 00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:40,679 Then later on, a Frenchman crushed the car with his lorry. 296 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:43,079 So you borrowed her car? Yeah. 297 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:44,279 Why? 298 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:48,559 Because I had to go to a gig in Nottingham. 299 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:49,879 And you've borrowed the car, 300 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:51,839 you've gone to the gig, and then you've...? 301 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:54,719 What happened was, we got down the M1 and everyone said, 302 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:57,199 "Let's stop and have breakfast," like you do... 303 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,999 Breakfast? Well, three o'clock in the morning, you know. 304 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,399 Have you got other comedians in the car with you? Yeah. 305 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:05,279 And then, I didn't realise, but we were actually in 306 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,399 the lorry park and not the car park. 307 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,839 Did the truck reverse into your car...? It did. 308 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,799 And you're in the car? We're in it, yeah. 309 00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:15,159 So why didn't you blow the horn or get attention? 310 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:18,280 Because it wasn't my car... But a horn is a horn! 311 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:21,759 "I'd better not touch that - it's not mine." 312 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:24,599 "I've got very dirty fingers..." Excuse me! 313 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,439 It didn't have the horn in the middle of the steering wheel. 314 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:29,399 Of course that's the first thing I tried. 315 00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:30,999 I went, "Uh!", like that. 316 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,639 Where was the horn? 317 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,079 It was on the end of a stalk. You know? 318 00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:37,800 How did you fit the stork in there if you had all these comedians? 319 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:41,679 You said it was a Frenchman driving this. 320 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:43,079 How would you know? 321 00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:45,120 Did he go, "Ooh, le crush!" Well, no, what... 322 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,359 What happened was, I tried, 323 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:51,279 I was trying to find the horn, 324 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:53,320 windscreen wipers... As ever! 325 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:58,879 And eventually, I did find it. 326 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:02,079 But his lorry had already hit the car... Right. 327 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:04,319 ..and started to make a crunching noise, 328 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,159 cos we were we were against the wall. 329 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:08,119 But it properly crushed? 330 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:10,319 No, not concertinaed it in, but... 331 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:12,359 Well, were you hit, or were you crushed? 332 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:14,719 You're the one that said crushed. Crushed the front bit. 333 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:16,279 The crumple zone, I imagine. 334 00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:19,919 He stopped, I got out the car, went round to him 335 00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:22,319 and he opens his cab and went... 336 00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:24,040 "C'est la vie!" 337 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:26,679 What, "That's life"? 338 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,080 "That's life!" 339 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:33,559 So, go on, talk us through the conversation when you saw Christina. 340 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:37,479 Well, I phoned her. I said, "Look, I'm really sorry. 341 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,199 "I've had an accident with your car." 342 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:40,279 And she said, "Not again. 343 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:42,840 "Have you not thought about putting plastic sheets down?" 344 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:54,039 So the upshot of it was I actually did manage to drive it home. 345 00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:57,639 It had... The grill had sort of half fallen off. 346 00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:58,999 And you drove home like that? 347 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,720 Sorry, were you comedians or clowns? 348 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:05,519 HE HONKS Oh, no! 349 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:06,879 HE HONKS 350 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:11,519 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 351 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:13,719 Right, what about, what about Kiri? 352 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:18,599 OK, so, Kiri, you're claiming that this lady's fingertip is missing? 353 00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:19,839 Yeah. 354 00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:22,359 It's an interesting one this cos she is covering her hand. 355 00:17:22,360 --> 00:17:25,319 But she would've been told to do that to give her lie a chance, 356 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:27,159 if she's lying. Cunning! Yeah. 357 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:30,239 Is she a friend of yours? She's my auntie. 358 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:32,879 Were you there when it happened? Yeah. 359 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:35,799 Where was it? It was in her kitchen. 360 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,399 In her kitchen? Your dog? Yeah. 361 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,759 What sort of dog have you got? I've got a Jack Russell. 362 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:41,039 A little Jack Russell! 363 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:42,999 Why are you saying it like he's a little cutie?! 364 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,559 He's taken someone's finger off! But it wasn't his fault! 365 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:47,519 He didn't think it was a finger when he ate it. 366 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:49,439 What did he think it was? 367 00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:51,639 "Ate it"?! Did he gulp it down? Yeah. 368 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:53,799 Sorry, how much of the finger are we talking here? 369 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,919 So, she was peeling potatoes... Right. 370 00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:58,679 ..but she was doing it too fast 371 00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:00,439 and she had her finger out like that. 372 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:02,119 And she was doing it really quickly. 373 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:04,679 And I was talking to her, so she's distracted, 374 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:06,399 and she just went like that 375 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,679 and then a big curl of her finger... 376 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:10,679 That can happen, though! Whoa, hang on! 377 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:12,999 So now you're saying it wasn't the end of the finger - 378 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,239 it was the sort of fleshy bit? 379 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,439 Yes. So that the tip came off... 380 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:18,960 And your Jack Russell, like a shark... 381 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,999 ..smelt the blood in the air, leapt up. 382 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,439 And I'm presuming there was blood spurting everywhere? 383 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:26,919 Yeah, there was a lot of blood. 384 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:28,839 And what happens next? What did you do? 385 00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:31,079 I didn't do anything - I was just panicking. 386 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:33,440 Cos you thought, "There's going to be no chips now." 387 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,479 So my dad got loads and loads of kitchen roll 388 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:40,359 and just, like, held it down and then took her to A&E, 389 00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:41,759 and she got some stitches. 390 00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,959 And the dog's still doing all right? The dog's... 391 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:45,360 The dog's dead. 392 00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:49,120 Really? That was a hell of a punishment. 393 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:55,039 I'm not happy about the peeling technique, this away from you. 394 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:57,439 Surely people peel towards them, like that, don't they? 395 00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:00,519 What?! Yeah. No. I peel towards. You peel towards. 396 00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:02,920 I do my carrots the other way. 397 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,000 Enough of the filth! 398 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:12,839 Right, now then, what about David's...? Remind us again, David. 399 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:14,559 Well, this is Christina... 400 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,600 Hi, Christina. Give us a wave. 401 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:24,279 ..and when my list of implausible things I could talk 402 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:27,919 about on this show blew away, she returned it to me. 403 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,079 So, hang on, where were you at the time? 404 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,399 I was in the garden. How many things were on the list? 405 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,919 Oh, I mean, hundreds of things were on the list. 406 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:36,999 Hundreds of amazing things 407 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,839 that, unfortunately, I can't tell you about, for obvious reasons. 408 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,519 So, just to clarify, you've got hundreds of things on the list, 409 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:43,959 and the last few series have been 410 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:46,400 the best of those things that have happened in your life? 411 00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:52,439 No, cos I asked them to save the best stuff for after series 30. 412 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:55,360 In the hope that one of the pair of you will be dead. 413 00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:59,199 You're in the garden at that moment? 414 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:02,079 Yeah, I'd been copying the list out onto a fresh piece of paper. 415 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:05,799 From what? From an older piece of paper that had become... 416 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:09,559 You're far more meticulous about this show than I am! Yes. 417 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:13,759 I keep a piece of paper with me at all times... Yes, I know. 418 00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:16,120 You need to, in your condition. Yeah. 419 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:21,559 Anyway, it had been folded up in my diary 420 00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:24,679 and I'd been adding these amazing, brilliant anecdotes, 421 00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:27,039 which fans of the show will be familiar with. 422 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:29,479 Where does it blow to? Over the wall. 423 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,399 Your heart must have gone into your mouth 424 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:34,039 when you saw all that magic disappear. 425 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:37,039 Well, I thought, "This is a security issue." Of course. 426 00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:39,239 I don't want this blowing away in the world. 427 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:41,559 Someone could photograph it, put it on social media, 428 00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:46,439 and there goes series 31 to 36 of this show down the toilet, 429 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:49,119 like the paper from the other pocket. 430 00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:50,719 And, so it blows over the wall. 431 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:52,999 So is this lady your neighbour? No. 432 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,599 Beyond the wall, at the bottom of the house, 433 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,919 is some allotments. Oh! 434 00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:00,199 And was she... allotting at that time? 435 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,039 She was allotting. 436 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:05,119 Did you run down? Scamper down? Well, it blew... 437 00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:08,199 Initially, it rested briefly... 438 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:09,760 SIMON: On a marrow! 439 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:15,679 ..on... As you rightly say, on a quivering marrow 440 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,439 rested on the lawn and then another... 441 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:22,239 And so I ambled towards it in quite a relaxed manner, which I later came 442 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:25,879 to regret because a second gust of wind took it right over the wall 443 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:27,199 into the allotment. 444 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:30,519 How high is the wall? 100 feet. Wow. 445 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,359 Do you want to have another guess? 446 00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:34,439 Thank God for that trampoline! 447 00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:35,959 It's quite a tall wall. Right. 448 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:38,759 Not 100 feet - that's an exaggeration. OK. 449 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:42,639 So, suddenly, Christina is just happily in her allotment... Yes. 450 00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:48,479 ..and she's your ghostly head rising above a high wall. 451 00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:50,319 What a horrible experience. 452 00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:52,559 Well, I certainly do look disgusting. 453 00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:55,199 But the upshot was... She passed you the piece of paper? 454 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,799 ..she consented to go and pick up the piece of paper... 455 00:21:57,800 --> 00:21:59,639 Were you not tempted...? ..and pass it to me. 456 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:01,279 ..given you're so high up on the fence, 457 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,079 to just jump the wall and go and get it? No. 458 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:05,239 So what was the chain of events that 459 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:08,239 ended up with Christina and you becoming friends? 460 00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:11,439 Did you say, "Oh, you handed that sheet of paper over ever so lovely. 461 00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:14,959 "Do you fancy ever meeting up for a cup of tea?" 462 00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:17,519 No, we've never met up for a cup of tea. 463 00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:19,559 So why is Christina here? 464 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:22,079 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 465 00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:24,200 Have you never seen this show before? 466 00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:28,159 All right, we need an answer. 467 00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:31,039 So, Lee's team, is Christina 468 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,039 Jo's car-less companion, 469 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:37,119 Kiri's dog's dinner, or David's helpful hero? 470 00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:39,879 I think it's Kiri's dog's dinner. Why? 471 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:42,599 I just... I can see it happening. It seems plausible. 472 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,159 Jo's is plausible up until the driving home bit. 473 00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:47,199 You can't be crushed and drive home. 474 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:48,839 Which way are you leaning, Henning? 475 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:51,879 Yeah, absolutely, I'm with Simon. I can see Kiri and her... 476 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:54,079 Because they look very similar as well. 477 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:55,559 They look very similar? Yeah. 478 00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:58,679 So we think it's Kiri, do we? Mm. Yeah. OK. 479 00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:00,759 You're going to say that it's Kiri... Yeah. 480 00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:02,159 ..and the finger and the dog? 481 00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:07,479 OK. Christina, would you please reveal your true identity? 482 00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,039 I'm Cristina and Jo wrecked my car. 483 00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:11,319 GASPS 484 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:13,720 APPLAUSE 485 00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:20,079 Yes, Christina is Jo's carless companion. 486 00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:23,199 Thank you very much, Christina. 487 00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:26,599 Which brings us to our final round, Quickfire Lies. 488 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:28,879 And we start with... 489 00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:30,119 ..it's Lee. 490 00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:31,400 Oh. 491 00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:36,199 I've devised a simple mnemonic to help me remember everything 492 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:38,479 I need to pack when going on holiday. 493 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:39,719 LAUGHTER 494 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:42,479 I won't leave the house until I've ticked off everything 495 00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:45,079 on my flip-flop list. 496 00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:47,519 David's team. 497 00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:48,559 OK! 498 00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:49,879 LAUGHTER 499 00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:51,799 I hate to do this, Lee, 500 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:54,319 but could you take us through the mnemonic? 501 00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:56,199 Er... What is a mnemonic? 502 00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:59,479 It's a... I can best describe it as new information that I received 503 00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:01,679 about ten seconds ago. LAUGHTER 504 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:03,839 No! A mnemonic is basically flip-flop - 505 00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:06,599 so the first letter of the list of all the things 506 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:07,679 I've got to remember. 507 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:10,319 So, for example, you'll probably want to know the first one - is F. Yes. 508 00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:12,239 Can't think of anything beginning with F now! 509 00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:15,119 LAUGHTER Flip-flop. 510 00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:18,359 So, a flip-flop. F, F for flip-flop. So, sorry, F for flip-flop, 511 00:24:18,360 --> 00:24:21,319 you use, even though the system is the flip-flop system. 512 00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:23,919 So, you're remembering the word flip-flop anyway. 513 00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:25,519 You then waste that first F. 514 00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:26,799 LAUGHTER 515 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:28,119 Remind me again to take fl... 516 00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:30,799 Is there not a risk you might take two pairs of flip-flops? 517 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:32,199 No, no, no. 518 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:33,959 Have you noticed he's doing singular, 519 00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:35,879 so only packs one flip-flop. My flip-flop. 520 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:37,239 So that's your first F. 521 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:39,039 But there's another F coming up in a while. 522 00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:41,239 Now you'll know why I said only one flip-flop! 523 00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:42,679 LAUGHTER 524 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:45,599 L. L stands for lipstick. 525 00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,839 LAUGHTER 526 00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:50,079 Why are you taking lipstick? 527 00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:54,959 Because I once, er... my wife, who always forgets her lipstick, 528 00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:58,079 always says, "Ah, darn, I've forgotten my lipstick. 529 00:24:58,080 --> 00:24:59,799 "My whole two-week holiday is ruined. 530 00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:02,479 "They never have the product I've got in this country." 531 00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:04,479 So, I got so annoyed by this over the years. 532 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,839 I thought, from now on, I'm going to take the lipstick 533 00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:09,519 so that when she gets there, she won't start kicking off 534 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:12,559 and ruining the whole trip because her lips aren't red enough. 535 00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:14,519 LAUGHTER 536 00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:17,999 I. Is for the passport. 537 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:19,439 I for passport? 538 00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:21,759 Yeah, because it's got me in it and I remember myself as I. 539 00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:23,079 I must remember... 540 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:25,679 Now, this makes... It's I! Who's that? That is I! 541 00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:27,279 LAUGHTER 542 00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:30,599 It's I for ID. No, I never went with that system. 543 00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:32,279 No? LAUGHTER 544 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:34,839 Now I think about it... All right, I won't help you. It's crazy! 545 00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:36,319 LAUGHTER 546 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,999 Lee, you know that in just one letter's time we go to P, 547 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:42,079 which would seem very well suited for passport. It would, it would. 548 00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:43,679 LAUGHTER 549 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:45,399 So what's... Right. ..what's P? 550 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:46,799 Me wife's passport. 551 00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:49,280 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 552 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:55,919 All right. F. F. Now, this is an interesting one. 553 00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:59,119 F... is for francs - the currency. 554 00:25:59,120 --> 00:26:01,159 Now, I know what... Francs don't exist. 555 00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:02,439 I know what you're going to say. 556 00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:04,919 But when I first developed this system, it was because we were 557 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:07,679 going to the South of France and I wanted to remember my francs. 558 00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:10,559 And now that the flip-flop system is invented, I can't change 559 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:14,639 it for the E of euro because it will be flip-elop. 560 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:17,599 So, I always remember flip-flop, francs. Francs are now euros. 561 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:20,519 To get your euros. Not necessarily euros. It could be dollars. 562 00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:22,359 Foreign currency. Foreign currency. 563 00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:23,919 F - foreign currency. Foreign...! 564 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:25,519 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 565 00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:27,519 Yes! Why didn't I think of that?! 566 00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:29,680 Why didn't I? 567 00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:34,519 David, there are times when I wish I was married to you. 568 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:36,120 LAUGHTER 569 00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:39,799 Erm, L. L. Erm, I don't know if I told you about 570 00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:42,279 my wife's habit of wearing a different-coloured lipstick 571 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:43,479 on the top lip to the bottom. 572 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:45,199 LAUGHTER 573 00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:47,159 Oh, yes. It's an odd look. 574 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:48,559 I'm not going to lie. 575 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:49,679 It's an odd look. 576 00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:52,239 So, it's another lipstick. LAUGHTER 577 00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:57,479 Oh. Oh. Oh. Now, as everybody knows, when you go on holiday, there's one 578 00:26:57,480 --> 00:26:59,839 thing you've got to remember. 579 00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:01,799 And that is... 580 00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:03,639 ..the suntan lotion. 581 00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:05,959 I go a weird shade of orange in the sun, 582 00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:09,519 and if I think of an orange, I always think of the suntan lotion. 583 00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:12,479 Yeah. Because orange body - suntan lotion. 584 00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:14,399 I mean, what are you going to use the P for? 585 00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:17,319 Because you've covered everything you'd need. 586 00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:21,639 I take a spare passport for my wife, because we have the old passp... 587 00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:23,879 You know you keep the old passport when you renew. 588 00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:26,799 I always take it. Why? They cut through it. 589 00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:27,959 Because they... 590 00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:30,559 But, we once... You know when you just flash them occasionally? 591 00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:32,919 We once lost the passport and used the spare one 592 00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:34,599 and went like that and it worked. 593 00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:36,719 Flip-flop. It's F-L-I-P... 594 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:40,959 It's eight letters and you use three of them for passports... Yes. 595 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:42,199 LAUGHTER 596 00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:45,479 Two of them for lipstick. Yeah. 597 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:48,159 Over half of it is passports and lipstick. 598 00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:49,439 LAUGHTER 599 00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:51,120 What do you think, Jo? 600 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:53,839 Not much. 601 00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:55,759 LAUGHTER 602 00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:58,159 Kiri, which way are you leaning? 603 00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:01,239 I think it's a lie. David, what's it going to be? 604 00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:03,399 I think we'll go lie. 605 00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:05,479 Right, well, feel the tension. 606 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:07,159 LAUGHTER 607 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:09,159 Lee, were you telling the truth? 608 00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:10,439 Or was that a lie? 609 00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:12,159 It's a lie! 610 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,200 APPLAUSE 611 00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:16,359 Yes, it's a lie. 612 00:28:16,360 --> 00:28:18,719 Lee doesn't use the word flip-flop to help him pack. 613 00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:20,039 BUZZER 614 00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:22,879 That noise signals time is up. It's the end of the show. 615 00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:26,519 And I can reveal that David's team have won, by three points to two. 616 00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:28,599 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 617 00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:29,639 Well played. 618 00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:32,559 Thanks for watching. We'll see you next time. Goodnight. 619 00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:34,520 APPLAUSE